On the PS2 (and also the PC), the only official game of the 2004 Athens Summer Olympics was released. The game interested me, as I was very into the Olympics this summer, though I read the really awful review of this game at IGN right before buying it. Of course, since IGN has trouble counting, this game received a 4.5 (slightly below average on a 0-10 scale), while it had to be one of the worst scores they gave out for a long time (so it definitely deserved lower than a 4.5, if it truly is a 0-10 scale). Anyway, I figured I'd gamble on this game and find out how bad it was, or if it was actually a good game. Hey, it couldn't be that big of a risk, could it, especially not for just $40? You probably know the answer to that one.

This is rated on a 0-4 star scale. It is also an E-rated game, as it does not contain any judo or any of those "try to kill your opponent" sports.

Graphics: *½

The graphics aren't too good. They don't really impress me much. This is the PS2, so I expect more. Sure, they aren't flat-out horrible, but they are rather plain, as they look dull. Not much time must have been spent making them, which seems to be a pattern in this game.

Sound: ½

The menu music is okay. That's pretty much it when it comes to music in this game. There are national anthems, but I've been told that some of the national anthems are actually missing, or generic, so if you live in the "People's Republic of China" (i.e., Communist China), you may be offended that your song didn't make the cut, if it's one of those unlucky nations. Actually, I bet China's song made it in, but nations like Trinidad and Tobago probably didn't get it. Why don't I know about the national anthems? I'll explain later.

Controls: no stars

Right here, right now, all the problems with this game are explained. 75 percent or so of these games have almost everything to do with how fast you alternate hitting the X and O buttons. That's right. Imagine a Mario Party with almost all the mini-games being those ones where you push A and B back and forth. That's not video gaming, that's wearing out your fingers and hands and wrists. In the weightlifting game, the controls are made so that you have to hit the L button at certain times while still alternating X and O as fast as you can. Trying to get your finger over to push L will cause you to not alternate X and O fast enough, and drop the weight, however. So what did I have to do? I had to have my sister push L while having the controller on the floor, exercising my reflexes. You had to do this a couple of times and then be still alternating X and O as fast as possible for a three-second period, and I mean really fast. I never pulled it off, not even on the easiest weight. Then there's the floor exercise game, where you actually sometimes are supposed to press down and up at the same time, or left and right at the same time! That's impossible, 989 Sports, in case you've seen a PS2 controller lately! Yeah, that makes sense. Wow.

Gameplay: no stars

If all you're doing is button-mashing, it's not really playing a video game, in my opinion. It's wasting your time wearing out the buttons on your controller while hurting your muscles. This is probably the first game in history that actually hurt me physically (don't get me wrong, Super Mario Sunshine was the first to hurt me mentally, as I nearly went crazy from those secret levels). I guess maybe they want you to have some sort of physical ability to play this game. I don't think even athletes would be good at this, however.

Difficulty: ****

Even worse, after all the pain and suffering you go through in this game, you won't actually be doing very well. Good luck finishing in next-to-last, as the computers will blow you away, even after tons of practice. It's a real joke, I tell you. How about the shooting game, which requires you to try to press X at the exact right second when the disc flies by? It's not like Duck Hunt's Clay Shooting, believe me. This disc moves so fast, it'll just go right by before you are able to get off your shot. It's next to impossible. Even the archery game, which is the only one I can do somewhat well in (due to its controls being different from the usual X-O scheme), I still can't touch the computers. There was no reason for me to play far into this game, thus I didn't get to situations to hear national anthems. Trying to beat my sister and my own times and scores became my only goal in this game.

Running Games: ½

These are mostly terrible. They are simply X, O, X, O, X, O for the sprints. For a couple of the longer-distance races, you actually choose how much effort you put into running by using the right control stick, allowing you to save energy for later on in the race. This is better gameplay, but considering you have virtually no chance of winning anyway, what's the point?

Swimming Games: no stars

These are more of the X and O variety, with hitting the L1 button at random times thrown in, in order to "breathe". If they lasted maybe 15 seconds, like some of the similar Mario Party mini-games do, then they would be all right, but these are minute-long races, in which you get killed. Fun, fun!

Weightlifting: no stars

The worst event in this game. It's all about the X-O thing, but you have to hit L1 at the exact right moments, and I'm talking moments in which your alternating X and O is at its highest. If you slip up in your alternating X and O for even a split-second in reaching for the L1 button, then you'll drop the bar. Of course you have to do this twice, the second time harder than the first, then hope to alternate X and O to the point that you keep this meter above a certain line for three consecutive seconds. This is like asking you to put your finger on a red-hot stove and not flinch for three straight seconds. Forget about it. This is so painful on your fingers, you'll want to stop playing this game just from this experience.

Shooting: no stars

You need reflexes and hand-eye coordination that's unreal, or extreme luck, if you want to hit the moving targets in this game. You can again forget about it in this event.

Field Events: *

Some of these are X-O and L1 events (sort of like the swimming events, only with a few differences). Some of these do require you to do something else, like rotate the right control stick or stop a meter with the X button. No, it's not great gameplay, but it seems better than the other low-quality gameplay in this game.

Equestrian: **

This is horse-riding and jumping over obstacles. No, it's not especially exciting or fun, but it's a little relief from the rest of this game. It's also really hard to be good at it, but let's face it, you're not going to compete in any event in this game. You press L1 to jump over obstacles, while using the left control stick to control the direction of the horse and the right control stick to control the speed of the horse. It's not that bad of an event, though by computer standards I probably stink at it.

Gymnastics: ***

The vault event starts out with the usual X-O before you have to try to do Sushie's Tidal Wave move from Paper Mario, but in super speed (not that fun). I forget how the rings work exactly, but they aren't very fun either. However, the floor exercise is one of the game's few shining moments, as you press buttons in Toad Bandstand-style (or Mario Bandstand, depending on which Mario Party you remember better). Sure, sometimes you're supposed to press in two directions at once, which is impossible, but hey, if it's Athens 2004, you have to expect stuff like this. That floor exercise gives this game something good to hang its hat on... though I bet I still don't compete with the computers.

Archery: ***½

Archery is a fun event where you use the control stick to set your target before hitting X to shoot your arrow. It's more complex than I have described it here, but that's a general idea of how it works. If you compete against another human, it's fun. Against computers... no.

Replayability: no stars

If you want to hurt your fingers, play this game. If you want to save your fingers for some more noble purpose, like brutally murdering your fellow human beings in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, then avoid it. There's no reason to keep on playing it if you get it... sure, the floor exercise and archery events are fun, but there are tons of better mini-games in other games. Just play any Mario Party.

Fun Factor!: ½

Okay, so the floor exercise and archery events were fun. That's where the ½ star comes from. The rest of this game just hurt my fingers, my hands, my wrists, my controller... my sister and I were even arguing with each other over whose blame it was that we couldn't complete any lifts in the weightlifting game. The answer is obvious now: it's 989 Sports' fault.

OVERALL: no stars

One of the worst sports games ever. Golf and Baseball for the NES (and the e-Reader remakes of those games) as well as the vastly overrated NFL 2K2 for the Dreamcast compete with this game for the title of the worst sports game ever. Unless a game such as Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door completely flops, this game's got "Worst Game of 2004" nailed down. Don't buy this. I guess it may be worth a rent, if that rent is only $1 or so. That's all, however.

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