Normally I say at least one thing good about a video game in a Review. Splat! Renegade Paintball, however, doesn't deserve any praise whatsoever. You'll have more fun popping pimples off your back using half the Nintendo DS stylus you broke playing Lost Magic than playing this game.
But before you can be bored to tears, you have to pick one of a few "winners" that look like they came from a JCPenny's catalogue. Some games get your adrenaline pumping with flying bullets and explosions. Splat! welcomes you with the pitter-patter of fingerpaint. When you get to playing you'll be more frustrated than someone who fell down the "up" escalator. Your paintballs seem to hit your target at the chance of the roll of dice. Even at point-blank range you'll have problems.
There are a couple different locations, but it doesn't matter, the gameplay won't change no matter where you are. No matter what map you choose you'll be hoping for either aliens to pop out of the bouncy castles you use for protection, or for a friend to call you with something better to do. And forget about long-range sniping, your shots won't hit unless you put some sort of homing device in them. The AI in the game has the IQ equal to the square root of a negative number. You'll easily sneak up on them while they're staring at walls or writing Emails on their mobile phones to their friends about how bad this game is and how they're only in it for the money.
If you get Splat! as a gift, use it as a coaster or a frisbee, or sell it to someone who likes paintball; they'll play it even if it does get a 1 out of 5. You have a lot more better things to do.
| If you would like to send some feedback
to the author of this submission, please complete this form.
What's your name?
What's your Email address?
How do you rate this submission?
Does this submission belong in Little
Lemmy's Land?
Would you like to see more from this author? Comments and suggestions:
|
