Why? Why do we get our hopes up for videogames, still knowing that we may be disappointed? For many reasons we do; maybe reviews are great, maybe it’s a sequel to another great game. But in this case, the reason is that the game is part of your favorite videogame series ever. Cue New Super Mario Brothers.
When I saw the first trailer, my jaw was agape. This game looked incredible. The first Mario sidescroller since Six Golden Coins, 2.5D graphics reminiscent of Kirby 64, this neat Super Mario 64 theme to it, and a two-player co-op mode (the latter two were scrapped from the final version, though). I couldn't wait for yet another excellent Mario adventure. The day it came out, I went to GameStop, bought a copy, drove home, and dashed upstairs to put the game in my DS.
One hour later, I got a kiss from the
princess. My stomach was in knots, and I felt melancholy consume me. Was
this possible - for a Mario platformer to be... mediocre?
STORY - 5/10
Mario and Peach are taking a pleasant little stroll in the Mushroom Kingdom. How adorable! Oh, but of course, something has to interrupt them. A bunch of storm clouds start to form over Peach's Castle, and lightning strikes its roof. Mario runs to the castle to make sure there's no damage, while Peach faithfully awaits his return. While Mario's gone, Bowser Jr. takes the golden opportunity to kidnap Peach. Mario notices this and tries to attack Junior, but it's not exactly a success. Peach has been taken yet again, and Mario is off to save her.
Notice this, Tourists; I tried my best
to make that sound interesting, but it's still a bore. That's because the
story is absolutely nothing new or creative. No one plays Mario
games for their stories, but most of his games are more... eventful in
terms of narrative.
GAMEPLAY - 7/10
A Mario game made by Nintendo? Sounds like it'd be pretty strong in gameplay to me. But no; don't get me wrong, it plays decently, but there are obvious flaws. Let's just cover the good stuff first. Since Mario has moved into an era of 3D platforming adventures - which never cease to amaze - New Super Mario Bros. gives us a comforting assurance that sidescrolling is still alive. This game seems kind of like a cross between Super Mario Bros. and Super Mario Bros. 3. The core gameplay itself, however, leans more towards the original Super Mario Bros. You run through levels, collecting Mushrooms and Fire Flowers to destroy enemies. Oh, and there's also a new power-up called the Blue Shell. No, it doesn't come after you and explode right before you touch the flagpole. It lets Mario slide around on the ground like a Koopa Shell. Not too useful, but I guess it's fun.
A few new trinkets just aren't gonna cut it, though. Our problem here is that Nintendo refuses to alter a formula that’s over a decade old. Games cannot survive on nostalgia alone; it's obvious that the game was made to appeal to those who have been with Mario since the NES days. For them, the old-school gameplay may be more fun. For modern gamers, it only feels stale and dated, especially since it lacks fresh, new ideas. Like I said earlier, just throwing in a few new power-ups is no substitute for innovation.
I WAS, however, pleased with the new
array of moves that Mario had access to. The triple jump is nearly useless,
but I really liked the inclusion of Super Mario 64's wall jump. It made
for some pretty nice level designs.
GRAPHICS - 9.4/10
My first impression on the game's graphics was that they resembled Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards, one of the best games ever made. This led me to believe that New Super Mario Bros. would be the same caliber as that game. However, in a similar manner to The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, I was foolishly hypnotized by the pretty graphics and ended up playing a mediocre game.
Erm, I'm getting ahead of myself, though.
The graphics are really good. It has kind of like a reversed Paper
Mario visual concept; it takes 3D character models and puts them into
a 2D world. This blending looks surprisingly great, especially since the
concept sounds awkward when written on paper. Keep in mind, though, that
this effect only takes place in the actual levels. On the world map, both
the character models and the landscape are 3D, and it just has a really
cool look to it. I would've preferred the exact style Kirby 64 used
- sidescrolling in 3D worlds - but these certainly exceeded my expectations.
MUSIC & SOUND - 6.8/10
Outside of Super Mario Galaxy, I've never quite recognized Mario platformers for their music. I really wasn't expecting anything from New Super Mario Bros' score, considering Super Mario Sunshine's horribly bland score before it. This game's music exceeds Sunshine... but it still doesn't even match normal Mario standards.
Super Mario World and Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins both used rearrangments of a single theme for the majority of their soundtracks. New Super Mario Bros mimics this technique... kind of. It has a decent little main theme that's played in a lot of the levels, and said theme has some remixes. The Athletic theme in particular is a very nice composition. Nearly everything else is bland and lifeless. The world map themes harken back to Sunshine, sounding just as forgettable as the afforementioned's music. To call the desert theme "bad" would be an understatement, and the boss music is as disappointing as the game itself.
Alas, this is far from Koji Kondo's
best work. Nearly every game has a few good pieces of music, though. The
multiplayer course - which I believe is called "The Plains" - has a wonderful
tune, the same one that played in that trailer I mentioned in the beginning.
You may have also noticed that the castle theme has become kind of popular
amongst the Mario fanbase. Both of these are great tunes. But ask yourselves
this; would you rather have a game with some excellent songs and some bad
songs, or a game with a bunch of fairly good songs? I, myself, would pick
the latter. New Super Mario Bros. is not one of those games.
LENGTH & DIFFICULTY - 4.0/10
Here's where New Super Mario Bros. really drops the ball. This adventure was over way too quickly. When I bought the game at about 6:00 PM I was able to beat it before sundown. It only took me about one hour to complete this insultingly easy game, and it was then that I realized how letdown I felt.
Let's start with covering the bosses, shall we? Oh, Bowser's got a lot of his troops after you. Do they breathe fire at you? Shoot Bullet Bills from a tank?! No matter what they do... their assaults are completely futile. Not only is nearly every boss very easy, but there's a way to instantly defeat them. An item I forgot to mention - the Mega Mushroom - turns you to a huge size to crush anything in your way. If you just have that in your backup item slot, you can just use it and pulverize the boss by just running into them; and this even goes for the final boss. No Mega Mushroom on you? Then all it takes is two ground pounds to destroy a boss. Pitiful.
The level designs themselves are also
very easy, becoming moderately difficult only at World 8 or so. Power-ups
infest this game, and there's a backup slot for extra items too, so dieing
is pretty hard unless you really want to. Even in the case that you do
die, the game is infested with 1-Up Mushrooms; I doubt you'll ever see
the Game Over screen. The lives system as a whole is unecessary, though,
and has been since we started making games with a save function.
REPLAY VALUE - 7.2/10
Normally a game with as much extra content as New Super Mario Bros. has would score around a 9 out of 10. This game has two secret worlds, dozens of secret levels, and three Star Coins hidden in every location. This would normally be phenomenal; not in this game's case, though. It makes a somewhat common mistake in the gaming industry: the sidequest rewards are minimal.
Plan on going to those secret worlds, do you? Like the other worlds, they've got levels that you could go through with a blindfold on, and a boss that you could mistake for a normal enemy. And when you beat all these things, you get nothing in return, unless you had fun doing it; a task that only the most easily-entertained gamers could pull off. You still oughta give Nintendo some brownie points for putting so much time into this extra content. But oh, what of these Star Coins I mentioned?
While the secret worlds yield no rewards,
Star Coin-collecting at least yields a tiny reward. Once you beat the game,
there will be a blue Mushroom House where you can buy new backgrounds for
the touch screen. This is where Star Coins come in to play. Each background
costs 20 of them, but you have to get every last one of them in order to
get the final background; a rather unimpressive one at that. Collecting
these coins is just... repetitive and unrewarding. It's like trying to
collect all the Dragon Coins in Super Mario World, only worse.
FUN FACTOR! - 6.0/10
What happened here? Nintendo took a MAGICAL NOSTALGIA TRIP to the time when Mario was still fairly new... and... it's... boring? This was certainly not expected. Erm, well, of course, as I said earlier, a game can't survive on nostalgia alone. Formulas have to be changed some time or another. And since New Super Mario Bros failed to do that... well, it's a dry and lifeless game, save for some of the places like World 5. Eh heh. Say, have you ever noticed that snow-based areas in videogames are always the most fun?
However, I'm afraid that even if the
Mushroom Kingdom was hit by a killer snowstorm that froze over everything,
the game still wouldn't be much fun. The good parts of it just aren't enough
to overcome the game's criminal flaws. Don't get me wrong, though, it's
Mario,
It has to be fun at some parts. I found the Blue Shell to be kinda fun
to slide around in, despite how risky it can be. A few late-game levels
were also an exciting challenge; there's this one level in World 8 where
meteorites rain from a nearby volcano. I really liked that one.
OVERALL - 66/100
Maybe I was a little harsh on the game, but that's only because I was so scarred by the disappointment it wrought upon me. It's quite hard to forgive. When Nintendo was making this game, they obviously forgot about a certain something that made Mario games so great: being a game that makes up for its narrative flaws with extremely strong gameplay and elements of pure fun. Not only that, but Mario games can usually come up with something new and exciting for each installment without feeling tacked-on or gimmicky. New Super Mario Bros just feels like a chunk of recycled material that’s able to lull old-school gamers into buying it with its concept. Don't mistake nostalgia for quality, Tourists.
Nope. Can't really reccommend this game, especially since the Nintendo DS is a wonderful system with so many better games on it. It's poorly executed and I hoped Nintendo would learn from it, but behold what happens when a company makes a ton of money off of a mediocre game: New Super Mario Bros. Wii. It hasn't been released yet, but I'm really not holding my breath for it, as it looks only like an expansion upon the original's poorly-done design. I'll probably still buy it anyway since Mario is very capable of redeeming himself, but don't be surprised if I storm into Lemmy's Land next year and start ranting about it.
80s gamers, this game may be a pleasant trip down memory lane for you. Everyone else, you'd best avoid it for now. You won't be missing much.
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