Game Information

System: Nintendo 64.

Sound: Suspenseful music, much of it remixes of old Mario games. The music will sound the opposite of the expected, because the Koopas are bad guys, not good guys. For example, when in a scary place, cheery music may play.

Graphics: Brilliant, everything is painstakingly done, and there is a lot of detail.

Game Play: A 3D adventure, like Super Mario 64, but with much bigger levels and more space between important items. There are also many puzzles.

Story

It’s a normal day… for a Koopa, at least. Bowser has ordered that you undertake your monthly attempt of kidnapping Princess Peach Toadstool. You start out on your adventure, only to discover shortly thereafter that your day will be a little less than typical. While you were out, Mario secretly swooped into the Keep and kidnapped Bowser and the other Koopa Kids. Now you have to rescue them as well. To do so, you will need to find many items and enlist special help, and finally have it out with Mario to succeed in your original venture.

Characters

This game has many characters, but only some of them get to appear here (because they paid the largest bribes). By the time you finish the game, you will be familiar with the whole lot of wackoes.

King Bowser Koopa: He wrote the book on evil, but he’s tired now. Well, what would you expect from carrying all that extra weight around? He gives you your assignment, then leaves you to your own devices.

Larry Koopa: This guy is sneaky! Make sure you are careful when he is around, or even when he’s not.

Morton Koopa, Jr.: If you are going to be anywhere in the vicinity of him, I’d bring a pair of earplugs. This guy is long-winded!

Wendy O. Koopa: Just tell her she’s beautiful, and no one will get hurt.

Iggy Koopa: He’d be quite a critter if he had some guts. Seeing Super Mario even once tore them out of him.

Roy Koopa: Get into a fight with him, and you’ll probably be KO-ed speedy quick. He’s got a temper, and he knows how to use it.

Lemmy Koopa: He may not be strong, but he’s clever and witty. Don’t trust him for a second, he has many tricks up his shell.

Ludwig von Koopa: The eldest of Bowser’s children is a genius to the nth power. He may be slow, but he’ll instantly solve any brain challenge.

Mario Mario: This troublemaker caused the mayhem in the game. Sure, he thinks he’s helping the Princess, but he’s not, and we all know that he secretly plans world domination. Guess it’s not a secret, is it?

Luigi Mario: Mario’s wimpy brother may be in this game, but I wouldn’t really count on it. If you really want a game with Luigi on it, take the safe bet and buy Mario 2.

Princess Peach Toadstool: She may be a fair ruler, but that doesn’t mean she’s any good. Kidnap her to complete your quest!

Starting the Game

Place your game pack into the Nintendo 64 slot and turn the power on. After the title screen, you will be able to watch a cinema scene of the story. Finally, you will see all the Koopalings and Bowser fighting (just for fun, and to show off the exceptional graphics), and you will be able to press start to continue. If you do not press start, you will be able to watch a few short scenes of someone else playing.

On the main screen, you will be presented with several choices.

Adventure Game: Choose this to start or continue an adventure, using one of the four game save slots.

Mini-Games: Choose this to be presented with a list of games you can play. Some of them are for one player, some allow up to four players. Most of them are games that appear in the main adventure, and must be beaten there before they can be played at will.

Options: Choose here to meddle with some game settings, like sound port and color shading, and a bunch of other stuff that don’t really matter anyway.

Choose Yer Character

When you start an adventure game, you will need to select a character to play as. The character you choose will be the one that you will play as for the entire quest, and each character has different strengths and weaknesses, so choose carefully.

Larry: If you choose him, you will have a decent jump and you’ll be pretty quick, but your attack power isn’t so good and your defense is lousy. Larry has strong magic power. His magic power is to see through walls. This can be useful for finding stuff, but his magic meter will slowly tick down to nothing, so only use it in suspicious locations.

Morton: Morton’s attack is pretty snazzy and his defense is very good, but he won’t be winning any jumping or running contests. His magic power is so-so. Morton's magic power is breathing fire, which is useful for defeating enemies and changing the landscape at time, but it drains his powers (speed, jump, etc.) for a while, and sometimes fire breath can be dangerous.

Wendy: Wendy’s attack is excellent, and she can move (she also has good traction). However, her jump is sort of bad, and her defense isn’t so good either. She also occasionally trips over herself. Her magic power is strong. She creates a powerful sonic wave by screaming, but this hurts her throat and slowly costs her life energy.

Iggy: His attack may be weak, but man, can this guy jump! Iggy also carries some decent speed, and his defense isn’t too bad. His magic power is sort of pathetic though. His power is growing to gigantic size. This scares away some enemies and can help him get a better look at things. However, he can't move while enlarged, so if an enemy should choose to attack anyway, he's sort of in a fix.

Roy: If you’re Roy, you are in good shape in a battle, because he has very high attack and defense power. But you’re going to have a tough time exploring, because his speed, jump, and magic powers are lousy. His magical ability, if you can call it that, is healing himself. A very little bit.

Lemmy: Lemmy is so fast, he’ll leave most everything far behind in his ball trail. His attack isn’t shabby, and his magic power is so-so. But if he gets hit in battle, he’s going down, and, frankly, his jump is sad. His magic power is freezing stuff in the immediate vicinity. This can help him escape danger, and he can help himself by using frozen things as platforms. But he can only use it every so often, the freeze wares off, and frozen enemies sustain less damage.

Ludwig: Nothing wrong with slow and steady! Ludwig isn’t fast, and he can’t jump high, and his attack isn’t exactly impressive. But his defense power will keep him alive for a loong time, and his magic power is formidable to say the least. He can set off dynamite, which will cause a very powerful blast. The blast hurts him a little though.

There MAY also be a secret character, but I didn’t say anything.

Moves

This game has a vast number of moves, but they won't be that difficult to learn if you just use them. Then again, maybe I shouldn't overestimate you.

Control Stick: Move. Push this a lot to run, or a little to tiptoe.

Start: Pause the game. I pray that you knew that.

A: Jump, or pretend to. Also talk, hopefully not to yourself.

A+A: Jump after touching down to jump again, higher this time.

A+A+A: Do three consecutive jumps to jump as high as you can. That might mean nothing.

B: Attack. Also grab and throw.

Z: Crouch.

Z+A: Somersault, or something like one.

Z+B: Kick.

R: Use magic.

C Buttons: Use these to turn the camera and go into and out of first person view.

D Pad: Not used in this game, but fun to play with nonetheless.

Hey, I hear you saying, "What? That's it? I thought there were lots of moves!" Well, there are, many more than are listed here. But to earn more fancy moves like Walk Kick, Skull Bash, and Dive, as well as many others, you'll have to find certain characters that will teach them to you. Some of these characters require favors in return, so don't overlook anything!

Items

You will find a number of items on your journey (or you may not, if you're a lousy player). They will be important if you have plans of reaching your goal. Study this list well and you’ll know what to do when you see an item. Otherwise, just hit yourself with a brick until you figure things out.

Golden Key: These are the most important items in the game. Mario has locked himself away, and you will need to find seven out of ten of these in each course in order to get through all the doors.

Boss's Key: You’ll get this when you defeat the boss of a world. You’ll then be able to free a prisoner, should you so choose. Then you again, you might like to leave your family in the cell.

Course Key: If you manage to find one of these, you'll be able to open a locked door in a course. You can only use each Course Key once, but the door you used it on will become permanently unlocked.

Keyhole: Sometimes you will need to solve a puzzle in order to retrieve a Key. If this is the case, the puzzle will be marked by a large 3D Keyhole, which you must jump into to attempt the challenge. Complete it to pull out the Key. You can leave without retrieving the Key if you wish, and you can also complete these challenges more than once. Keyholes without a Key any longer in them will be horizontal instead of vertical.

Chest: If a Key can just be picked up, you will find it in a Chest. The Chest will open and the Key will fly out when you come within a certain a distance. The Chest will remain viewable but open thereafter.

Golden Spike: One of these is hidden in each world. It will raise your character’s defense power.

Tums©: Find one of these in each course to raise your character’s attack power. (Paid ad.)

Jumping Bean: These scary legumes will raise your character’s jump power if you take the trouble to find them.

Hot Pepper: Find one of these to raise your character’s speed.

Potion: Drink this to raise your character’s magic power. (This game does not endorse drinking from unmarked containers.)

Dark Energy: Koopas can't use regular energy from Mushrooms like Mario can, but they can use evil or Dark Energy. You'll find some lying around sometimes, and defeated enemies will leave some. It will replenish your life meter, but it won't reappear in the course until you leave, so use it wisely.

Warp Pipe: Use these to get between the courses at the main area. Sometimes a course will have other pipes as well, but only the pipe you first emerge from will take you out of the course.

Checkpoint: There are some special points in each course. Pass through them to activate them. You will then be able to move through the checked Checkpoints at will, thus decreasing your travel time and helping you escape dangerous situations.

Transformation Box: Jump into a crate with the ? marks on it, and you'll come out as something different. Whatever it is, it will certainly be an improvement. Do what you want, then find another Transformation Box to change back.

Course Items: Some of the courses have items you will find only on that course. They will probably be useful to you if not necessary, so when in doubt, pick up items and see what you can do with them.

The Game Screen

The stuff that appears on the screen is so obvious, even a child could figure it out. But if you're older than a child, I dunno.

Power Meter: The bar in the upper-left-hand corner tells you how much life energy you have left, assuming you still actually have any. If this reaches 0, your game is over, and you can give up.

Oxygen Meter: When you are swimming, this will appear in the upper-right-hand corner. Koopas need to breathe ya know, so don't forget to come up for air before this turns all black. Unless you like to suffocate.

Results: Elsewhere on the borders you might notice displays of how many items you have found. Items include all kinds of Keys as well as special course items. Items that you have none of will not be displayed. While in a course, only items found in that course will be displayed. In the central area, all items found will be displayed.

Camera: The icon in the bottom-left-hand corner of the screen will tell you how the camera is currently position. Hopefully your cameraman hasn't given up.

Character Variables: Each character has a variable (explained later). This will show a 1 or a 2, depending on which you chose. It the number looks like anything else, get glasses.

Main Screen: You can see the action that takes place here. With any luck, you'll still be able to see it despite all the icons around the border.

Your Reflection: You may see this at times. Ignore it, it's not really part of the game.

The Pause Screen

Press Start and go here to calm your nerves from all the suspenseful action. Oh yeah, there is also some stuff you can do here.

Continue: If you think you have a chance to win, choose this option to return to the game.

Save: You can save the game at any time. The game will remember all the items you found, and you will restart in the central area when you restart the game. The game does not save automatically. Sometimes the game won't let you save, but you can still save at any time.

Map: Shows a quick sketch of the parts of the current world that you have explored.

Variables: Choose this option to alter something about your character, as listed below:

Larry: You can say yes to this option to have Larry turn invisible. While invisible, enemies won't chase him. But you'll have trouble seeing him too. Good.

Morton: Morton's presence can scare away all enemies if you opt for this option, but he won't be able to cause any damage to any that stay. He'll have no attack or magic power.

Wendy: Accept this option to take off Wendy's shoes and have her put them in her shell (don't ask how). Without her shoes she's faster and she won't randomly trip, but her attack will decrease.

Iggy: Iggy can trade off some of his jumping ability for some more defense. I'm not quite sure how he does it. Go ask your doctor.

Roy: Change Roy's pathetic magic power into a Mega Punch (still activated like magic). But Roy takes half the damage he gives this way.

Lemmy: Change from the default option, and Lemmy will jump without his ball. Usually he grabs it with his feet when he jumps. Without the ball he can jump higher but he's a lot slower. If you want the ball back, you'll need to return to where you left it.

Ludwig: Ludwig can lay less powerful dynamite in return for more speed and a better jump. He absorbs the firearm's energy.

Quit: Turn off the game and get back to your work.

How the Game Works

Since this game is so large, many idiots get confused about what they have to do. These people can't count the number of levels. In any case, here are some important questions and an answer, though I don't guarantee that it's the right answer.

How does the game progress?

You have to complete the training course, and then you must defeat the boss of Underground Mine, the first course. Then you will reach a central area and you'll be able to do the next ten courses in any order you like. Hunt down a course and find its warp pipe, labeled by a sign. Courses closer to the entrance tend to be easier, but it depends on the attributes of the Koopa you chose. Collect seven Golden Keys from each course and free your seven family members to reach the last two courses. You don't have to get all the Golden Keys at once; you can come back later if you wish.

I got all ten Golden Keys in a course. Can I get only four in another?

Didn't you read this manual?! You need to actually get seven Golden Keys in each course.

How do I free family members?

Bowser and your six siblings have been trapped in cages. The keys are guarded by the ten bosses. Defeat the bosses to get the Boss's Key. You need to free your entire family, so you must defeat at least seven of the bosses. Three other characters are also trapped, and you can feel free to release them if you can defeat more bosses. Personally, I wouldn't.

Where's the boss?

The boss could be anywhere. In one case, the hardest part of the battle is finding the boss. Boss battles may take place in a special chamber or just in the middle of the course somewhere.

How do I know if I'm fighting the boss?

If the enemy is big, and if the music gets loud and frantic, I'd say you have a good chance. But you never know. Your own character might suddenly become the boss. Yeah, promotions are weird like that.

I can't find where the prisoners are held! Where are they?

Gr… Take a look back in Bowser's Keep! Duh! Mario didn't actually do that good a job of kidnapping.

Who are the extra prisoners?

Why don’t you just go to the Keep and find out?! Fine, they're Wart, Kamek, and Wario. Don't expect me to rescue them for you too!

What's the practice course?

On the Choose Yer Character Screen, along with choosing your Koopa, you can also choose to play an adventure or to practice. Use practice to test out each Koopa in a poorly designed but still eye-pleasing area.

How do I win the practice course?

Aw no, go away! Save me!

I found a Key, but it's not Golden, and I didn't beat a boss to get it. What the bleep is it?

Hm, I don't know! Maybe it's a Course Key! I don't know how you bungled your way into finding it, but if you can muster up a few brain cells, you might be able to figure out how to open a locked door in that course.

How do I beat this really scary enemy?

I dunno, care to elaborate on which enemy it is? Try everything! If a regular attack won't work, there's always stomping, magic, and running in circles. If none of your own moves work, try looking for something nearby that could help you.

No matter how long I attack this strange creature, it just stands there and talks to me. What gives?

Although the idea of your having any is frightening, this is one of the friends you'll encounter. Hopefully you are literate and can read what he has to say. Listen well, then act on it.

I can find any Golden Keys! What now?

Turn off the game and get some sleep already! Ok, use all your moves and look everywhere. Some Golden Keys require advanced moves. If you don't know the moves, bribe someone to teach you. Don't overlook anything. The programmers are too busy to put in stuff that doesn't matter.

How do I keep track of so many moves?

When in doubt, just guess. Or, you could write down all the advanced moves, but you probably don't own any paper, so just write on the furniture.

I can't make that jump! What to do?

You're just lucky you have me around. Either look for another route, jump better, or find some item that will improve your jump, or your head.

How do I solve the puzzle?

Try harder! Reading the directions and looking for clues might help.

Hey, in Underground Mine, instead of finding dynamite, can I just use Ludwig's magic power?

Now you're thinking! That's a first. That plan will work just fine, and there are numerous other tricks like that as well.

Wow, cool! Can I use Ludwig's dynamite again in The Big Blast?

Maybe… not. Sure, why don't you go ahead and see what happens? I guess I can't expect two good ideas in one day.

How do I defeat Luigi?

Breathe on him. Throw your game in the trash if you can't beat him.

How do I defeat Mario?

Geesh, do you want me to spoil everything?! Figure it out yourself, or read on into the boss section.

I beat the game. Now what?

Really? How'd ya do it? Well, play again! There are seven different characters, you know. Plus, I make great games!

No more questions? Good!

The Courses

Sorry to say, this game actually has some courses. If it were up to me, I'd just have you fight Mario so you can get this game over with. A 3D fight with Mario's worth 60 bucks, right? Anyway, here are the courses you'll have to suffer through.

Bowser's Keep: You start your game here, in your room. You can play around for a while, but within an hour hopefully you'll have left your room and entered the main hallway. The other Koopalings' doors are locked and you can't get in, not even after you find all the Keys. You'll have to play as each Koopa to see inside all the rooms. Find Bowser in the lounge, and maybe watch some TV for a while. Speak to him and he'll grumpily give you your assignment to kidnap the Princess. If you want to get yelled at, go break some stuff in the room. Then leave. Not even your hard head will be able to break down the front door of the Keep, so try the back door instead.

Maze of Mist: The back door lets out into this foggy training course. There are lots of Magikoopas in here, and each one will teach you a move. You may even learn an advanced move or two, but let's not get our hopes up about that one. If you learn well you'll complete all the tasks involved in training and meet up with Kamek. He will give you something you forgot back at the Keep, your Magic Wand. Funny, how can you forget it if it's not there? Anyway, take it and go back to the Keep. Bowser may have changed channels. I know, he had to move to push the remote button! When you approach the front doors you'll wave your Wand and they'll open without a hitch. Sorry, you can't wave your Wand at any other time. Well, are you going to go through, or are you just going to stand there gawking and with your mouth hanging open?

Underground Mine: After a short cinema scene that shows your character leaving the Keep and entering the Mine, you will be in this dreary place. Just the way Koopas like it! There are ten Golden Keys here, but for some odd reason you won't be able to pick them up until you find and defeat the boss, since you won't know what they have any importance until then. This course doesn't require much physical ability, but it is formed into an intricate maze, so explore carefully. If you find some dynamite you'll be able to destroy some walls. The dynamite room never runs out of supplies, but you can't carry many sticks at a time, so use them sparingly to avoid an annoying hike back to find more. At the end of this course, or whatever you feel like calling it, you'll find a warp pipe, but you'll need the Course Key dropped by the boss to get to it.

Central Area: The warp pipe in the last world takes you here. You'll find a way to access all the other courses from here, as long as you don't just stand in the corner. Some easy baddies are here, but you- er, well I had no problems with them. Scout out all the courses, but don't look for any Keys because I'll be amazed if you find any here.

The Big Blast: Basically, you go from a course with one small dynamite room to an entire dynamite warehouse. Don't set anything off! This course is still relatively easy, but there are several tricks you'll need to learn, such as that your character will jump if you press A. This course is huge and the Golden Keys are well spread out. I dunno, maybe a previous blast separated them. A friend will teach you a new move if you bring him some matches. Don't worry, he won't actually use them.

Spooky Crypt: Nothing to it but to do it! This course is a graveyard, and oh yeah, you get to enter and explore a lot of the graves. You'll need to because the Golden Keys are down there. This is the first course that makes extensive use of Course Keys, so the locked doors will probably annoy you too. Don't get spooky by the cheerful music and the ghoulish enemies. Remember, Koopas don't mind ghosts, so you shouldn't either. But then again, there's still that monster under your bed.

Boilin': Ya can't get much hotter than the average temperature in this course. Fortunately your heavy scales will protect you, and the programmers didn't care that Koopas are cold blooded. There is a lot of lava around that will hurt you, but not as much as it does Mario. As long as you keep your Power Meter happy, you should be able to make a quick excursion across it at times to find some useful items. If you are low on energy, you'd better find some because you won't get far without crossing over.

En Route - Subcon: You won't find a warp pipe to this course, but that's ok because you'll be put asleep and dragged in when you pass a certain area. This is the only course you can't exit at will, not even if you turn the game off. To get out, you will need to find enough noisemakers to set off an alarm. But in the process of doing so you should also catch some Z's and find a few Keys. Some stuff in this world will look familiar if you played Mario 2.

Chillin': This course is meant to follow Boilin', and it would have if you hadn't been dragged into Subcon. Anyway, how often to programmers pull that hot-to-cold stunt? This course is completely frozen, as are all solids. The ice water works similarly to the lava, only it causes damage faster. It's very slippery, but the claws on your feet will help you. Some of the items here are hidden in the darndest places, like under the snow or up the snowman's carrot nose. Ick, someone get him a tissue!

Unknown Place: Everything is messed up in this course, and nothing is easily determined. Even the sign that's supposed to have the course's name on it is illegible. All the angles are screwed up, and you can't really trust size or distance. A lovely place, really, and you should have a dandy time trekking through here solving puzzles and revealing Keys. But even when the Keys appear, you may have trouble figuring out how to get there. You may have been doing it all along anyway, but you'd practically be better off with your eyes closed.

Stuck in the Muck: It's clear that this place stinks. Most of the course is mud, which will mess up your speed and your jump, but if you slog around for a while you may chance to find some water to swim in or some land to beach yourself on. As if this course isn't disgusting enough as it is, you'll have to go into even muddier underlayers through hidden doors that only open if you've found muddy Keys. This is certainly not the course for someone who cares about stench or personal appearance. But you have some family members to rescue! Though I don’t know why, Struggle through this course.

High in the Sky: I hope you're not afraid of heights, but there's nothing but that in this course. You start way up there and you'll climb up towers and clouds to giddy heights before you're done. Take a balloon ride and check out the rainbow, but do be careful not to fall. Golden Keys may be able to float, but you can't, and you probably won't get this far into the game without sinking.

A Watery Grave: Speaking of sinking! This is not an underwater remake of course three, but there will be a lot of underwater challenges, and I suppose it will be scary if you're not good at swimming. Find sunken treasure, and be sure to explore all the ghost ships. Hey, I never said there wouldn't be ghosts! Even if the living sea-life is less than friendly. You may end up with a fake eye, but you need to get through here if you don't want to disappoint Bowser.

Grassy Wasteland: Oh no! Is there anything as scary as an open grass field to a Koopa? That was a rhetorical question. No, there isn't. Sometimes the soft soil will give way, and you'll end up in mysterious chambers that you'll have to find your way out of. In addition to solving a garden variety of puzzles and weeding out some problems, you'll also encounter some really tough enemies. Oh yeah, there are lots of enemies in all of these courses. We couldn't forget that. Especially because they've certainly killed you by now.

Castle Moat: This is the last of the ten courses the order of which you have control over. The moat around "Peach's" Castle is quite a bit wider and deeper than you may remember it, because the programmers had to find room for ten Golden Keys and a bunch of other items, and it wouldn’t be too hard to find them in Mario 64's moat. The water theme is the only one that appears dominantly in more than one course. Oh well. Outsmart Mario's traps and stop some waterfalls. And find some Keys. Hopefully you know that drill by now. The end of this course will lead to the first of the remaining two courses, but only if you've found seven Golden Keys in each course and rescued all your family members. If you haven't, go back and fix it ya nimrod!

"Peach's" Castle: When you cross the bridge over the Castle Moat you will be able to start using the Golden Keys you found. But, it turns out that you need the help of your family members… funny quirk, I guess. The Keys are so heavy that you need to turn them together in order to open the locks. How you got through the whole game without being able to turn a Golden Key yourself is beyond me, but! Inside the Castle, there aren't any Golden Keys, unless those infamous programmers made some errors. There are still Course Keys though, and you'll need them to make your way through this treacherous area. Somewhere in there are five generators, and you'll have to deal with each one of them (five) if you want to defeat the boss, who happens to block the way to the final course. You could just stop now, but then you'd never see the cruddy ending.

The Long Hallway: Yes, this is a course! There are many doors on both sides of the hallway, only most of them are locked. These doors tend to open to tough puzzles and challenges that you'll need to get through to get Course Keys and a new item, Puzzle Pieces. You need to get all the Puzzle Pieces, and then you can go to the end of the hallway and put together a puzzle of a huge Keyhole, which you'll then magically be able to jump through. In the cartoons that never works, but it works here. Get through this course and go through the Keyhole, and the final boss (Mario… you probably forgot) will be just ahead.

Enemies

There are so many enemies in this game that I just don't have time to talk about all of them, because I need to go to bed soon. You could just play and find all of them yourself, but I'll give you some piece of mind and break the enemies down into four categories for you. Not all of the enemies fit nicely into these categories, but hey, you can't be too picky these days.

Vegetables: These are the easiest enemies in the game, and they are the most abundant, especially in the earlier courses. Some vegetables include Carrot Creatures, which chase you in Underground Mine and can be easily defeated, Kelp, which are slow-moving and weak but invincible because you can't attack while swimming, and Bean Stalks, which are immobile but powerful nonetheless.

Traitors: Sometimes you'll see potentially familiar ex-members of the Koopa Klan. A few of them will probably appear in every course, and they are not terribly strong. Although, a lot of the bosses are traitors.

Mario's Allies: Mario doesn't have that many friends from his games (because he's not very likeable), but those that he has will help him out. A lot of them stay behind the scenes, but the ones that fight, such as the Mushroom Guards and the Nimbuses, start to get really annoying.

Fungi: These disgusting Mushroom-related creatures are the ones that are really going to nail you. Many of them are really strong, and a good number of them like to absorb your energy. Fungi include Puffballs, which shoot spores in all directions and can not be killed, and my personal least favorite, the Sliming Fungi. These nasty creatures can change their attributes and become any enemy in the game. And whenever they transform, they get all their power back. Plus, they smell!

Bosses

I know I mentioned them a long time ago, and you've certainly forgotten about them because you were completely dazzled by the rest of the game and that brick in regards to the items. There are some bosses though, and if you come closer I'll tell you some secrets. On second thought, I'd rather you stayed away. Far away.

Yoshi, the boss of Underground Mine: Yoshi is not too pleased that you've spoiled his operation, even though he really spoiled it himself by talking to himself about what Mario did after you left the Keep just a few minutes (or hours for you) ago. He's here to fight you, but he has a hindrance. There is a gas in the mine that, though safe for you, is poisonous for Yoshi. He must therefore wear a gas mask, and can't eat anything, like you. Avoid his kicks and ground pounds for one minute; then he'll have to leave for an air refill. Hit his air tank and he'll leave sooner. He will throw a smoke bomb at you to prevent you from following. He'll also drop a much-needed Course Key.

Albatoss, the boss of The Big Blast: This traitor to the Koopa Klan returns from Mario 2, when he helped Mario across an otherwise impassible gap. You have 90 seconds to take him down before he drops a Bob-omb that will destroy the whole course (and kill you). Hit him with a barrage of attacks wile he is on the ground, then do what you can while he's flying. If he drops the bomb, you can always try to befriend it, but it will never work.

Boo, the boss of Spooky Crypt: Boo was one of Bowser's most loyal and dangerous servants until Mario Party, when he struck out for his own greedy purposes. Mario bought his services here by paying him 300 coins; he had to play at least fifty times to win that many. Boo has countered his shyness by being transparent during the entire battle, but his trick is that he always hurts you on any contact. When the fight begins, steer clear of the huge but slow Boo and scout around for a target. Destroy the target to paralyze Boo for a short time, then attack him. Boo will split into two smaller but quicker ghosts, so find another target, then hit the ghost that's not laughing. Repeat this one more time with three ghosts floating around to send Boo to the afterlife again.

Big Bully, the boss of Boilin': Bowser kicked him out of the Koopa Klan after he gave up three Stars in Mario 64. Unluckily for you, he's learned a few tricks over the years… or maybe he's just gained weight. Avoid his bumps while running around him. When he stops to regain his balance, pummel him with whatever you've got. He'll keep getting faster, but if you keep it up you'll eventually score a knock-out, unless he does first.

Magikoopa, the boss of En Route - Subcon: After you wake up you'll be back in the central area, only there will be a warp pipe where there wasn't one before. You can now enter the course at will, and if you do so you'll find this boss near the entrance. Magikoopa betrayed the Koopa Klan in Mario World when he helped Mario get through Lemmy's castle. He will attack by shooting powerful rings from his Wand. Dodge them or jump through the center. Destroy his Wand with physical attacks only. Magikoopa will start to use more powerful inner magic. He will become huge and turn objects around him against you. Attack him with magic if you can, and if you manage to stay alive he'll eventually run out of smoke. This battle is tough, but hey, you only have to beat seven bosses anyway.

Mother Penguin, the boss of Chillin': This huge ice-dweller is forever indebted to Mario because he saved her son in Mario 64. If you ever tried to repossess the kid, you know how ferocious she can be. Avoid her pecks and ground pounds, then take (or avoid) great pains to dodge her body slams. If you escape her slam you'll be able to run around behind her and kick her there. After you kick her three times she'll call in her now-grown son to help. Dodge and kick both loud squawkers to freeze their attempts.

Koopa T. Quick, the boss of Unknown Place: This speed demon turned soft in Super Mario Kart, then gave Mario two Stars in Mario 64 as retaliation for not being allowed to race in the sequel. He is responsible for this course's oddities; he caused a solid whirlpool by running too fast. He'll challenge you to a race (not a fight!), but fortunately hie is exhausted from his prior exercise. Beat him in a race to shame him and receive his Key. You shouldn't find trouble with his speed, but the race is in a maze and you might get lost. But then, perhaps you've seen this maze before. The other problem is actually finding KTQ.

Muddy Buddy, the boss of Stuck in the Muck: This cheater helped Mario and Yoshi across spikes in Yoshi's Island. He will appear suddenly from out of the mud. He isn't that strong, but he is faster than you are because he is not slowed down by the mud. You may also fall into the mud and lose more ground if he hits you with one of the sludge balls he throws. If he catches up to you, he'll suck your energy. Move as fast as you can (jumping will help) and lure him to his demise by stepping to the other side of a water puddle. I he hits the water he will dissolve a bit, cover up the puddle, and become faster. Dissolve him into oblivion and snatch the Boss's Key.

Lakitu, the boss of High in the Sky: He was majorly in with Bowser until Super Mario Kart, when he decided to race to a different goal. He will attack from up high by throwing Spinies. When he gets weak he fires fast and powerful lightning bolts that make your character lose control. You will need to dive into him a bunch of times to defeat him. Unless you can jump up to his level, you will need to at least partially climb a conveniently placed tower to reach him, and you'll have to do it many times. Knock the wind out of him and take his Key.

Waluigi, the boss of A Watery Grave: Waluigi's not exactly buddy-buddy with Mario. In fact, his motive here is questionable. In any case, he's in charge here, and you'll have to defeat him if you want to free another prisoner. Now why would you want to do that? This battle is an all-out slugfest. You could call it wrestling with no rules. Waluigi somehow dodges all magic attacks, so you're just going to have to dodge or counter what he throws at you, then give him your best. Show no mercy and you may eventually earn a Key.

Chandeli-Ho, the boss of Grassy Wasteland: He held Mario up at the start of Mario RPG, because for some reason he felt Mario had let him down. He produced much of the course by dropping seeds as he swings. He will do the same thing here, but you can ignore the enemies he creates. Just use a timed jump to get onto the chandelier, then attack the part that looks like a Shy Guy. If he knocks you off, jump back on. Repeat this and he'll fall to pieces. For a course so far into the game (theoretically), this fight is surprisingly easy.

Yoshi, the boss of Castle Moat: This battle is tough- experts only! Yoshi is strong, and the battle takes place on the small bridge in front of the castle's doors. He'll use his tongue this time. Avoid it at all costs! If he eats you, he'll absorb a lot of power, and he'll create a replica of you to help him. Other than that, he also has fast and powerful body slams, and he throws eggs. Woah! Be quick about it and grab his tail. Try to throw him off the bridge. It will be tough because Yoshi is heavy, so you'll need to get a lot of momentum going. If Yoshi sinks, you win. If not, it's your bad luck, and you'll have to try again. Defeat him and get the Boss's Key you should have one hours of playing ago.

Toad, the boss of "Peach's" Castle: You won't be able to touch the Mushroom Retainer until you destroy all five generators. Once you do, you'll a least have a fighting chance. First, destroy the Toads that form from the spores he drops in any way you can. Then go for his cap. The cap will stick to you and suck energy if you touch it (and Toad will be chasing you), so attack it with magic or throw stuff at it, whatever you can find. When the cap is gone, Toad will run around frantically. Chase him down and attack to cut him down to size and lift the last force field surrounding the door behind him.

Luigi, Mario's brother in The Long Hallway: What a wimp! He thinks he's clever, but we know better. When you enter the chamber where the fight takes place, he will make a grand entrance by crashing through a door (there afterwards blocked by a Key door that slides down) and sending it hurtling at you. Avoid the door by not entering the room at the center. Luigi will speed around the room in erratic patterns, hoping to run you down. You can't catch him, so make your way into a corner (no you don't have to face it, unless you lose this fight). When he chances to come near, attack. Continue this, and Super Luigi (since when is he super?) will become regular old bad Luigi. He'll drop the last Course Key and fall through the grating floor. Take the Key and move on!

Mario, the man with the plan but no brain: When you enter the throne room, you'll see the Princess sitting pretty on her throne. Step in her eyes' sight to hear her scream. When you approach, the throne will spin around to reveal Super Mario, who will punch you. The screen will go blank, then you and Mario will reappear in a large circular grated room. Mario will try to punch you, but you can't touch him yet. Find and destroy a target to cut off Mario's shield, then pummel him as much as you can before the shield returns. Just repeat this, but watch out for Mario's power-ups. As you weaken him, he'll transform to Cape Mario, then Cape-Fire Mario, then Cape-Fire-Hammer Mario. Eventually he'll start to use Stars and, even when his shield is down, you won't be able to hurt him while he's flickering. He's fast, strong, and lucky, but if you hang around long enough he'll don one last suit and cause his own demise. He'll put on the Frog Suit and be all but immobile. Cream him now with no more shield interference and he will revert to regular lousy Mario, drop a huge Key, and fall through the floor.

After Mario

What was Mario thinking?! After losing to you, he'll set off a huge time bomb, completely disregarding the fact that he'll kill himself, Luigi, and Peach, and destroy a beautiful piece of architecture. Skidaddle out of the castle (you'd better have improved your character's abilities), but don't forget to enter the door with the huge Keyhole and kidnap (grab) the Princess. Why you can turn this Key even though it's larger than the Golden Keys, and where you are carrying it, are questions best left unasked. Get out of the castle with Peach before time runs out to foil Mario's efforts. If you don't get out, you die. If you get out without Peach, you'll receive a worse ending, and it won’t contribute to earning the secret character, which you earn by beating the game with all seven Koopalings. It's Susan, and she can pick and choose from all of the Koopalings' attributes.

"What's in the ending?" you ask. I think I've told you enough. Make Nintendo produce this game, and I'll give you both endings. For that matter, I'll give you as many endings as you like. Otherwise, this is all… until the sequel!

(A Note From Lemmy: This is my Creation masterpiece. If there is anything more you would like explained about this game, or anything added, please Email me! I want this game to sound as real as it possibly can while being only words on a screen.)