LARRY AND GLaDOS interview MAJOR BURROWS
 
By larry

(Larry is asleep, he then wakes up.)

Larry: That was a nice hiatus... Wait, what?!

(He sees he�s in a pleasant-looking room, much different from the cheap mattress he fell asleep on the night before in that snowstorm.)

Larry: ... Where...?

???: Ah, you�re awake!

Larry: Who...?

(Larry looks up to see a weird metal ball.)

Metal Ball: Hi! I�m Wheatley!

Larry: ... Weird.

Wheatley: Yeah, about time I got you up. It�s been months! Now, this is no reason for alarm but, you MAY have a minor case of serious brain damage. Nothing to worry about though, you should be fine. *quietly* Probably not, though.

Larry: *blinks twice* What?

Wheatley: *shakes his... self* Never mind. Anyway, She wants you to come to Her chamber now.

Larry: ... Alicia Keys?

Wheatley: What? No! Just follow me!

(Wheatley goes along a rail out of the room, Larry follows.)

Larry: So... where am I?

Wheatley: Aperture Laboratories. You and a ton of odd creatures just suddenly showed up mysteriously, and She has... kept you all under.

Larry: Whatever. Are we there yet?

Wheatley: Yes.

(The two enter a very, VERY large, circular room with the usual Interview gang there, with an audience and cameramen, and GLaDOS hanging from the ceiling.)

GLaDOS: So you�ve arrived. Hello, small turtle.

Larry: What is going on?!

Lemmy: Larry, what did you do?!

Larry: Nothing!

Shy Ranger: I can�t remember how this happened...

Hooky: Me neither...

Audience: Us neither!

GLaDOS: All right, enough guessing and speaking at the same time, it�s creepy.

Audience: Okay!

GLaDOS: ... All right, small turtle. You will interview someone in the audience. How about-

Larry: No way! Do you know what happened to the last person who made me interview people?!

Meanwhile, Count Bleck is still watching static on the TV.

Count Bleck: No Tony, don�t trust her! She�ll only break your heart again, warned Count Bleck!

Back to Aperture Laboratories...

GLaDOS: I don�t care. I will release deadly neurotoxins and kill you all if you don�t do an Interview.

Larry: Why do you even want there to be an Interview?

GLaDOS: For science! Besides, if the Interview proceeds, you all get cake!

Audience: YAY! CAKE!

GLaDOS: Now, small turtle, pick someone from the audience for us to interview.

Larry: Fine. Um... *closes eyes and throws a dart*

Major Burrows: OW! All right, I�m coming.

(He waddles his way down to the interviewee chair that scientifically appeared.)

Major Burrows: Waddled?! How rude!

Larry: *sits in his chair* All right, Major Burrows... WHERE�S MY CASH?! You�re behind on your payments!!

Major Burrows: I don�t know what you�re talking about!

Larry: That was... just a test. *coughs nervously*

GLaDOS: This is not the time for fooling around! Ask a question!

Larry: All right, �Major�, what army are you the major of exactly?

Major Burrows: Well... just the Undergrunts you see in the Galaxy games. Besides me, there are only regular Undergrunts and the Undergrunt Gunners. I just gave myself this title to feel important.

Larry: ... Lame!

Major Burrows: Grrr...

GLaDOS: How are you related to Monty Moles?

Larry: More importantly, why do you know about those?

GLaDOS: I don�t know...

Major Burrows: Well, Bowser�s science team decided to launch a bunch of Monty Moles into space. We got mutated, and turned into Undergrunts.

Larry: So, you�re mutants?

Major Burrows: Yes.

Larry: Freak! Aahahahaha!

Shy Ranger: Look who�s talking, with that horrible hairdo.

Larry: ... Anyway... How did you get mutated?

Major Barrows: Some sort of odd meteor struck our spaceship and released odd goop that mutated us.

GLaDOS: Why are you so much bigger than the rest of the Undergrunts?

Major Burrows: The meteor struck my quarters, so I got most of the goop. The Gunners were affected second most, and the rest of the Undergrunts were affected the least.

Larry: Why didn�t you get sucked into space when this happened?

Major Burrows: We had already landed on another planet that had air. I forgot to mention that...

Ganondorf: IDIOT!

GLaDOS: That was random. Time for the audience to ask questions. Seat 478!

Larry: No! Not number seats!

GLaDOS: Hush. Seat 478!

Larry: NOOOO!

GLaDOS: SILENCE! SEAT 478!

Space Core: Space, space, gotta go to space. Space. Gotta see it all. You wanna go to space? I wanna go to space. SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

Wheatley: By the way, thanks for getting the two of us out of space.

GLaDOS: Whatever. Seat 370!

Sentry Turret: I�m different...

GLaDOS: Good for you. Seat 2!

Cackletta: Why are you so angry all the time?

Major Burrows: Since I got exposed to more goop, I have random mood swings sometimes. Most involve anger. YOU JERK!

(He swats Cackletta into a wall.)

Major Burrows: Sorry.

Larry: ... Seat 923!

A guy with glasses and a wig who totally isn�t Dr. Breen: So, what are your blueprints for those cooperating robots?

GLaDOS: Get out of here!

Totally not Dr. Breen: Whoop whoop whoop! *vanishes*

Larry: Ignoring that. Seat 588!

Lakitu: Do you still work for Bowser?

Major Burrow: No, but I still tried to kill Mario because he is an enemy to Monty Moles.

Larry: Last one! Seat-

GLaDOS: It�s my turn!

Larry: *ignoring GLaDOS* How about that guy on that catwalk up there?

(Larry points to a man in a business suit on the catwalk. He straightens his tie and walks through a doorway.)

Larry: I guess not. Seat 999!

Iggy: Why were you chasing that Star Bunny?

Major Burrows: I was hungry.

Larry: That�s all for now. Do I get cake?

GLaDOS: Later.

Larry: All right, but before we�re done here, as a late 50th Interview celebration, I shall choose three random audience members to be my new interviewing partners!

Hooky and Shy Ranger: What about us?!

Larry: I need more than Shy Guys! Let�s see...

He throws three darts into the audience.

Weird Paper Mario 2 Beta Robot: Ow!

A Blue Fautso (Baba Yaga): Owie!

Crawful: Owie-Kapowie!

Larry: All right, that�s all for now! END TRANSMISSION!

Space Core: SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!

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