King Bowser Koopa
Age: 38
Height: 6’ 8”
Weight: 400 lbs. (all shell)
Rank: King of Koopa Klan, Supreme Commander
General, Father
King Koopa is the official ruler of
the Koopa Klan, Dark Land, and all other places associated with the Koopas.
He makes it a point to make his kids attack Mario at least once a month,
although it goes without saying that it never works. He has a fondness
for Elvis Presley and the Beatles from the Real World, which he steals
albums out of regularly.
Ludwig “Kooky” Von Koopa
Age: 15
Height: 5’ 0”
Weight: 200 lbs.
Rank: Sovereign Leader of Pipe Land,
General, Inventor-in-Chief
Ludwig Von Koopa is the withdrawn,
scientific first born in the Koopa family, and is often absent from the
other Koopalings, being holed up in his laboratory or reading. He is, in
fact, the most serious of all the Koopalings, and is second only to Roy
in battle-worth. He enjoys inventing, even though about two-thirds of his
inventions explode. He enjoys listening to Beethoven, Bach, and other classical
composers.
Lemmy “Hip” Koopa
Age: 14
Height: 3’ 9” without ball, 4’ 9” with
ball
Weight: 100 lbs.
Rank: Sovereign Leader of Ice Land,
Captain, Webmaster of Lemmy’s Land
Lemmy Koopa is the fun-loving, ball-riding,
Internet-surfing second born son of Bowser, and used to be the practical
joker of the family. Being the friendly webmaster of an enormously popular
website seems to have made him a tad more serious (just a little, though),
and now Iggy has taken over his former role. Still, he pokes fun at his
brothers whenever he gets a chance. He likes Weird Al music and other parodies.
Roy “Bully” Koopa
Age: 13
Height: 4’ 8”
Weight: 120 lbs.
Rank: Sovereign Leader of Sky Land,
Lieutenant, Combat Commander
Roy is the most battle-oriented of
all the Koopalings. Unfortunately, he takes it out on his siblings rather
then Mario and Luigi. His favorite targets are Iggy and Morton. He also
likes to weight-lift and pick on Iggy’s inability to do so. His favorite
music is heavy metal, such as Deep Purple.
Iggy “Hop” Koopa
Age: 12
Height: 4’ 3”
Weight: 85 lbs.
Rank: Sovereign Leader of Giant Land,
Captain, Practical Joker-in-Chief
Iggy is the practical joker of the
family now that Lemmy is too busy to play a lot of jokes. His storied career
has included toilet papering the entire Mushroom Kingdom, flying his doomship
through Roy’s window (which resulted in three weeks of continuous poundings),
and drawing a Mario mustache on Bowser (three weeks in the dungeon). He
also tries to weight-lift, but can’t lift a two-pound dumbbell. He too
likes funny music such as Dr. Demento, just like Lemmy.
Wendy “Kootie Pie” Koopa
Age: 11
Height: 4’ 5”
Weight: Never got an answer
Rank: Sovereign Leader of Water Land,
Sergeant, Official Makeup Applier
Wendy is the only female Koopaling,
and as such is extremely spoiled by Bowser. She can pretty much get anything
she wants through tantrums, and has the largest collection of makeup in
the tri-county area. Her hobbies include putting on makeup, putting on
some more makeup, and applying makeup. She listens to pop music, which
basically sounds like unintelligible bomb detonations in the opinion of
me.
Morton “Big Mouth” Koopa, Jr.
Age: 10
Height: 4’ 5”
Weight: 75 lbs.
Rank: Sovereign Leader of Desert Land,
Sergeant, Orator-in-Chief
Morton is the undisputed talker of
the Koopa Klan, famous for his week-long speeches. His longest speech yet
was two weeks long, entitled “How Adding ‘In-Chief’ to the End of Your
Title Makes You Sound Important”. He listens to anything with lyrics.
Larry “Cheatsy” Koopa
Age: 9
Height: 4’ 3”
Weight: 75 lbs.
Rank: Sovereign Leader of Grass Land,
Captain, Intelligence Officer
Larry is, of course, the spy of the
family, and is also probably the most normal of all the Koopalings. As
such, he is usually the one to get all the lines that don’t fit anyone
else. He also loves his plants, and has huge greenhouses full of highly
deadly grasses and shrubs. His favorite music is punk rock, oddly enough.
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