Part 5: The Way of the Wild!
Axem Leader wakes up to find himself in a bed.
Axem Leader: Ugh… What happened?
Lil Cheep Cheep: Your axe blocked the attack by itself! You were on the floor and not doing anything and your axe started flying around attacking the other Axem Rangers! Unfortunately they all got away…
Axem Leader: What?! We need to get to them!
Axem Leader starts getting out of bed when he notices he can’t walk!
Axem Leader: Ahh!!! *thump* Ugh… What’s wrong with me?!
Wendy: Well when the magic axe thing went attacking ALL of the Axem Rangers, the aquarium that Axem Pink was in tipped over and landed on you. In other words, you’re paralyzed from the waist down…
Axem Leader: … WHAT?!
Luigi: But don’t worry, the doctor came by and said that you would be walking again with a few “surgical procedures”.
Axem Leader: Ahh! They’re gonna do surgery on me?
Lemmy: No, he’s the stupid plumber, remember?
Axem Leader: Oh yeah, almost forgot…
Lil Cheep Cheep: The doctor said a day in bed and a few Mushrooms will do the trick!
Axem Leader: Oh thank goodness…
Lemmy: I’m hungry; let’s go get something to eat!
The gang starts walking toward the diner.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Until tomorrow, you have to be in a wheelchair.
Wendy: By the way, we are at the hotel right now.
Axem Leader: Ok.
They reach a table and sit down.
Waiter: Here you go.
The waiter gives Lemmy, Wendy, Lil Cheep Cheep, and Axem Leader the menus… He gives Luigi a kid's menu with some crayons.
Luigi: I want a blue crayon!
Luigi then tackles the waiter!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Ack! Luigi! You want us to get kicked out?
Wendy: Is he always like this? Or is he making an extra effort?
Axem Leader: Please… don't ask…
Lemmy: Whoa! Look at our menus!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Ack!
Luigi: What kind of poopy thi- OOF!
Axem Leader: Why Luigi… THAT'S THE THIRD TIME TODAY YOU FELL IN COW MANURE!
Wendy: What kind of food is this?
Lil Cheep Cheep: Spinach puffs? Tree bark? Mildew stain?!
Lemmy: Lightbulbs? Burnt plastic?
Wendy: Marbles? Keyboard keys?
Axem Leader: Goat fat? Elevator buttons? What the heck… zombie puffs?
Luigi: Ooh, sounds good!
Lil Cheep Cheep and the gang start singing to the song "A Whole New World" from Aladdin.
Lil Cheep Cheep: A whole new taste… a whole new taste for you and me…
Luigi: I think I have to wee.
Lemmy: Well whoop dee dee!
Wendy: Remind me to hurt you when we get home.
Lil Cheep Cheep: A whole new taste… a whole new taste for all of us…
Axem Leader: Remind me to take the next bus!
Luigi: Sure I will, the driver is Gus!
Wendy: Please shut up, you are giving me a headache.
Lil Cheep Cheep: A whole new taste… a whole new taste for us to use…
Luigi: Hey waite,r bring me my booze!
Boo: Shut up Luigi.
Axem Leader: I think I'm gonna hurl on you right noooooooooooooooow!!!
Song ends, regular talking now.
Luigi: Ack! Don’t!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Good idea Axem Leader.
Luigi wets his pants… again.
Axem Leader: Jeez Luigi, you wet your pants more than a baby!
Luigi: Why thank you!
Axem Leader: IT WASN'T A COMPLIMENT YOU NITWIT!!!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Oh poopy... I never get any compliments.
Luigi starts to cry.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Now look what you did Axem Leader! Say you’re sorry!
Axem Leader: No.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Ok, fine with me.
Wendy: Maybe people would compliment you if you did something right for a change…
Luigi: Ok, I will try…
Luigi jumps on the table and jumps onto the ceiling fan.
Luigi: OOH AH AH AH EEH AH OOH!
Five minutes later…
Lemmy: Thanks for getting us kicked out Luigi!
Axem Leader: Great, I am in a wheelchair and we don’t have anywhere to sleep tonight!
Lemmy: Actually I stole a tent from that one store…
Lil Cheep Cheep: Ok, good.
Axem Leader: Ok, we will spend today to rest and tomorrow we go looking for the Axem Rangers again! I have to teach them a lesson so they don’t go revolt again!
Luigi: I just want to sleep.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Well then go to sleep.
Luigi: I can't unless someone reads me a bedtime story…
Axem Leader: Then I guess you are going to be awake all night.
Luigi starts to cry.
Axem Leader: ... Ok, I'll read you a story
Luigi: Oh goody!
Axem Leader: Ok… Lil Cheep Cheep was walking home one day to find his home in ruins. “Wah! Who did this?!” he said. Lil Cheep Cheep was startled by a noise behind him…
About an hour later…
Axem Leader: And that is why we are in a tent, the end.
Axem Leader looks around to see everyone asleep except Luigi.
Luigi: That was the worst story I ever heard!
Axem Leader: Like you could make a better story!
Luigi: Yeah I could!
Axem Leader: Fine, I bet five coins you can’t!!
Luigi: Ok, let’s shake on it!
Axem Leader: ... I would if your hands weren’t so... wet
Luigi: You’re just saying that 'cause you’re scared!
Axem Leader: Yeah, I’m scared of your hand!
Luigi: You are scared!
Axem Leader: No I am not!
Axem Leader shakes Luigi’s hand.
Axem Leader: ... Excuse me while I go bang on the hotel door to let me in.
Axem Leader rolls out of the tent.
The next morning…
Lil Cheep Cheep: Ahh… nothing like a good sleep in the wilderness to wake up your se- Holy beans! Luigi, put your bleepin’ clothes on!
Luigi: No, it’s hot!
Wendy: Ugh… I didn’t get my required beauty sleep. What’s goin- AAAIIEEEEGGHH!!!
Luigi: It’s not that bad, it’s not like I’m Mario or anything.
Lemmy: Luigi, you are an idiot.
Axem Leader: Let’s just get out of here and go find the Axem Rangers. They’re nearby, I can sense them.
Wendy: Right… glad I had my “Pocket Beauty Parlor” with me when I fell.
Wendy pulls out a small red box and presses this big button. Then the box turns into a whole building!
Wendy: I will be right back, like in a minute.
Wendy: Ok, I’m back!
Lemmy: Well it took ya long enough...
Wendy: Well it's hard to get a manicure from a bunch of idiots.
Lemmy: Sure it is...
Wendy: Why don't you get a makeover?! You could use it!
Lemmy: Shut up...
Wendy: No! And you're getting a makeover!
Wendy starts pushing Lemmy in.
Lemmy: AHHH!!! NO!!! HELP!!!
Twenty minutes later...
Lil Cheep Cheep: Hey look! There's Lemmy and Wendy!
Lemmy comes out with a ribbon and bow in his hair.
Lemmy: Say one word and you're gonna get it.
Luigi: One word.
Lemmy: That's it!
Lemmy starts running at Luigi.
Luigi turns around and runs but falls in cow manure again.
Axem Leader: Ha ha! Hey… I can walk again! WHOO HOO!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Ok, that's enough shenanigans for today.
Wendy: But I like shoes!
Lemmy: Luigi clone I tell ya.
Luigi runs around in circles and runs into a tree named Bubby.
Bubby: Ow! Who ran into my soft spot?! Ack! And who just watered me?
Luigi: I did both of those things oh honorable tree!
Bubby: Hey... this water feels warm!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Why is Luigi talking to a tree?
Ten minutes later...
The group starts walking down the path toward "The Forest of [insert bad thing here]".
Lil Cheep Cheep: Well we are finally here.
Luigi: I'm too scared to go inside!
Lemmy: Wow! Luigi didn't wet the floor this time!
Wendy: Huh? Oh no! It's... it's... oh, only Mario.
Mario: It's-a me, Mario!
All of them except Luigi: *gasp* The dreaded catch phrase!
Axem Leader: Out of the way blubber boy. We're on a mission!
Mario: To do what? Find my brother some new underpants?!
Luigi: I resent that!
Lil Cheep Cheep: It would be nice if you got a new pair though.
Everybody nods except for Luigi.
Luigi: Is that what you all think?
Mario: Of course it is!
Luigi: I'll show you!
Luigi jumps on Mario's shoulders.
Mario: Agh! I'm all wet... and warm...
Luigi: That's my special attack!
Mario: You don't have a special attack!
Luigi: Bubby taught me!
Mario: Who is Bubby?
Luigi: Knock knock!
Mario: Nobody's home!
Luigi: KNOCK KNOCK!!!
Mario: Ok ok... who's there?
Mario: That's nice.
Luigi: That's not what you are supposed to say! And for that I must punish you!
Luigi wets his pants while he is still on Mario's shoulders.
Mario: EWW!!! SICK!!!
Mario throws Luigi and they get into a fist fight.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Didn't he say he was gonna kill us next time he saw us?
Mario: Oh yeah! Guards, get them!
Four Shy Guys jump out into the open with cannons.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Oh my gosh! We are going to die!
Lemmy: Hit the deck!
Wendy: But I will get all dir-
Lemmy doesn't let Wendy finish her sentence and grabs her and puts her down.
Axem Leader: AHHH!!!
Axem Leader hits the floor.
Lil Cheep Cheep doesn't need to do anything because he is already on the floor.
Luigi: Whoa... what deck?! AHH! A CANNON BA- OOF!
Luigi gets blasted into the bushes. Luigi runs out screaming.
Luigi: Oh no! I think I woke up our friends!
Just then a bunch of zombies walk out of the bushes.
Then the Boo from the hotel comes.
Boo: I'm going to kill you Luigi!
Then Toad walks by.
Toad: I'm going to kick you all in the ^&$# just for the heck of it!
Lil Cheep Cheep: OH POOPY!!!
Axem Leader: Since when did Toad swear like that?
Lemmy: Look out!
Axem Leader turns around to see Toad speeding at him!
Axem Leader: Jeez!
Axem Leader grabs Luigi again.
Luigi: AGH! THAT HURTS!!!
Luigi falls to his knees.
Toad: That's what you get for saving the ^$*% princess so much!
Toad walks back into the forest.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Uhh… should we take care of the zombies? Or the guards first?
Lil Cheep Cheep turns around to see the zombies sucking the guards’ brains out.
Guard 1: AHHH!!! HELP ME!!!
Guard 2: NO! HELP ME!!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!
Guard 3: I don't care, it's not like they're gonna get anything from me.
The Boo goes over to Luigi and steals his overalls.
Boo: Neener neener neener! You can’t get me!
The Boo flies into “The Forest of [insert bad thing here]”. Luigi starts chasing the Boo into the forest.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Wait! We need to go in together! LUIGI!!!
Lil Cheep Cheep runs into the forest.
Wendy: Uhh, Lil Cheep Cheep? I think I should go with you, I’ll let my brother handle the zombies.
Axem Leader: Ditto!
Wendy and Axem Leader run off into the forest.
Lemmy: AHHH! I’m outta here!
Lemmy runs off into the forest.
Mario: Argh! Get back here!
Mario starts running after them but is trapped by the zombies.
(The next part is cut out due to graphic and violent content.)
In “The Forest of [insert bad thing here]”…
Lil Cheep Cheep: Luigi!
Lemmy: Where the heck are you?!
Axem Leader: Uhh… hello!
Wendy: I think this is the path he took,
Axem Leader: How can you tell?
Lemmy: He he… that’s an easy one, it must be wet over there.
Wendy: No! His hat!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Let me see that.
Wendy hands Lil Cheep Cheep the hat.
Axem Leader: Yup! That’s Luigi’s hat!
Lemmy: You sure it's not Mario's hat?
Lil Cheep Cheep: Yeah, Mario's hat has an “M” on it.
Axem Leader: Yeah, so let's go find the weirdo!
Five minutes later…
Axem Leader: Royal flush! I win again!
Lil Cheep Cheep: HA!!! I HAVE A… what is it when all the family has a reunion and they are all diamonds?
Wendy: Royal flush.
Axem Leader: Yeah… I have that.
Lemmy: Ok, it's obvious that you two are good. But how good are you at blackjack?
Five minutes later…
Lil Cheep Cheep: I told you not to bet all our coins!
Axem Leader: Well how was I supposed to know 22 beat 21?
Lil Cheep Cheep: It doesn’t you nitwit!
Axem Leader: Then they are cheating?
Wendy whispers in Lemmy’s ear.
Wendy: Isn’t that cheating?
Lemmy: Yeah, but don’t tell them that.
Lil Cheep Cheep: *sigh* I think we should go look for Luigi now.
After twenty minutes of searching they all end up getting split up…
Axem Leader: Darn it! Why do we always have to get split up like this?!
???: OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!
Axem Leader: AHH! HEART ATTACK!
Axem Leader falls to the floor.
???: Don’t worry, it’s just me, Luigi!
Axem Leader: I’m going to strangle you!
Luigi: Uhh… AHH!
Luigi starts running and crashes into a building.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Where were you two?
Lemmy: Yeah, we were looking for you!
Wendy: I want to go home!
Axem Leader: Wait! Look!
Axem Leader points to a sign that says “Axem Rangers’ Hideout… That means go away Boss!”.
Lil Cheep Cheep: I wonder how he knew we were going to get here.
Axem Leader: It doesn’t matter! This is the final battle!
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