Lil Cheep Cheep was walking home one day to find his home in ruins.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Wah! Who did this?!
Lil Cheep Cheep was startled by a noise behind him…
Unknown Stranger: Hello.
The stranger looks at Lil Cheep Cheep’s home.
Unknown Stranger: I know who did this.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Really, who? Please tell me, and I will cook for you anything you want!
Unknown stranger: I will tell you, but you need not make me anything… My name is Axem Leader. And the Axem Rangers did this. They are revolting because of low pay, and that is not true!
Lil Cheep Cheep: That’s too bad, how much were you paying them?
Axem Leader: Minimum wage, one coin a day…
Lil Cheep Cheep: Uhh, right. Hey, I guess we are going to go on some crazy adventure with mayhem, suspense, talking sandwiches, and stuff like that.
Axem Leader: Well ok.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Think we need anything to pack?
Axem Leader: Yes, of course!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Well we don’t really need to because right when we need something, it’s going to conveniently appear somewhere close by like in RPG games!
Axem Leader: Ok then, let’s go find that talking sandwich!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Uhh… right…
Axem Leader: By the way, where is that cool RPG music coming from?
Lil Cheep Cheep: I don’t know, you must be hearing things.
Axem Leader is an Axem who is a gold color and is a little taller than the other Axem Rangers. Lil Cheep Cheep and Axem Leader walk for a few minutes until they see something flash in the bushes…
Axem Leader: Hey! Let’s go see what that strange flash was!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Oh no... I’ve seen this in Resident Evil once! When you go to see what the “flash” was, a bleepin' zombie pops out of nowhere and starts chewing on your head!
Axem Leader: (while walking over to the bush) Lil Cheep Cheep, you have an over-active imagination, you know that?
Lil Cheep Cheep: Fine, let’s go see what it is…
As Lil Cheep Cheep walks over to the bushes, he has a funny feeling…
Lil Cheep Cheep: Uhh… LOOK OUT!
A zombie pops out from the bush and starts chewing on Axem Leader’s head.
Axem Leader: Ha ha! Funny, now take off that costume!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Well I’m afraid to interrupt your little moment of fun, but that is a real zombie.
Axem Leader: Well then. Hey Lil Cheep Cheep, can you do me a favor?
Lil Cheep Cheep: Sure, what is it?
Axem Leader: CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME?! AHHHH!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Luckily for you, I’m a blue belt in “Kung Cheep-fu”!
Axem Leader: Charming…
Lil Cheep Cheep jumps into the air and does a back flip. He smacks his tail on the zombie’s face, hard. The zombie backs up and runs into the forest crying.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Well that’s not something you see everyday.
Axem Leader: Tell me about it!
After an hour of walking aimlessly through the woods, they can see a house.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Hey! Let’s go to that house over there without knocking and go inside. Since we are future heroes, the people inside won’t mind!
Twenty minutes later…
Lil Cheep Cheep: I didn’t think old people were allowed to have shotguns…
After walking a mile or two, they come to a fork in the road…
Axem Leader: I say we go right, it looks faster!
Lil Cheep Cheep: But right looks dangerous! Let’s take the safe way by going left!
Axem Leader: Safe is for sissies!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Well uhh… un-safe is for uhh… stupid-people-who-don’t-care-about-anything-except-to-rush-things!
As Lil Cheep Cheep and Axem Leader start bickering away a large earthquake interrupts them!
Lil Cheep Cheep and Axem Leader: Earthquake!
After the shaking, they notice that there is a whole new path right through the middle of the two paths.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Well uhh… I say we go straight!
Axem Leader: I agree, now let’s go find that talking sandwich!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Right…
Axem Leader: No middle!
Five minutes later…
Lil Cheep Cheep and Axem Ranger are walking down the “middle” path and they walk by a store with a sign that says ”Swords and shields etc.”
Lil Cheep Cheep: This would be great place to shop! If we had any coins…
Axem Leader: Yup. Hey, let’s go inside and see if there is some robbery-taking place so we can beat up the robbers and get some reward!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Alright…
Axem Leader and Lil Cheep Cheep walk into the store to see that there is nothing at all going on.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Oh well. Hey Axem Leader, let’s steal some stuff!
Axem Leader: Oh alright!
Axem Leader goes up to a mini Bob-omb set and starts stuffing it down his shirt when he sees a sign reading “The only talking sandwich!” and there is a little arrow pointing into the back room.
Axem Leader: Wow!
Axem Leader drops the Bob-omb set. Hey, let’s go check it out!
Lil Cheep Cheep: You want to steal a talking sandwich?!
Axem Leader: No, let’s just go talk to him and see if he knows where the Axem Rangers are!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Well ok…
They walk through a door and see a sandwich sitting on a pedestal.
Axem Leader: Wow! Are you really the sandwich on that one orange juice commercial?
Lil Cheep Cheep: Aww… I wanted to crack the orange juice joke…
Talking Sandwich: Nope. That would be my brother.
Lil Cheep Cheep: *gasp* Then you’re not the only talking sandwich?!
Talking Sandwich: Yes. That would be true. But don’t go telling everyone about it. It’s bad for business!
Axem Leader: But we didn’t pay anything to get in here…
Talking Sandwich: Ack! I keep forgetting to put the sign that says, “Pay first before entering” outside! Oh well, what brings you to a place like this anyway?
Lil Cheep Cheep: Well Axem Leader can explain that better then I can…
Axem Leader: Yes, *ahem* we are on a quest to find the Axem Rangers to get revenge for destroying Lil Cheep Cheep’s home. And we had to go find talking sandwiches and a guy named “mayhem” and you happen to be a talking sandwich so we came by to talk.
Talking Sandwich: I see… well what did these Axem Rangers look like?
Axem Leader: Well they look like me, except different colors…
Talking Sandwich: Oh, the same Axem Rangers who stole my cash register and took all the money!
Axem Leader: Are you sure you meant moments ago?
Talking Sandwich: Yes and since you are there leader, you will have to pay 932,432,723,853,124,349,154 coins to me right now!
Axem Leader: Wow! You guys are in business? Er… well “were” in business…
Talking Sandwich: Since you look like a bunch of poor guys with no money, I assume that you won’t be paying my money soon. So the only thing I will do to you is… 100 YEARS OF HARD LABOR!!! Guards! Get them!
Suddenly three Shy Guys with spears come.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Well here we are, about to fight a talking sandwich who happens to be the first boss we battle along with some Shy Guys, and we are about to be forced to do 100 years of hard labor. That just bites!
Axem Leader: I suggest this is a good time to run!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Oh no! We are surrounded! Looks like we have to battle!
Axem Leader: Uh oh, I’m afraid you’re right!
Axem Leader draws his axe and charges at guard 1. Lil Cheep Cheep starts to flash different colors and Axem Leader’s axe grows to a huge size, but the axe’s weight doesn’t change at all.
Axem Leader: Wow! Cool!
Axem Leader whacks guard 1 into the wall and starts spinning around toward guard 2, but gets dizzy and falls down. Lil Cheep Cheep focuses his energy and does “Kamikaze dash”. He misses and crashes through the wall and hits a tree, severely hurting himself! Axem Leader takes a Mushroom from the shelf and tosses it to Lil Cheep Cheep.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Thanks!
Lil Cheep Cheep is healed and he does the “Kamikaze dash” and hits guard 1, defeating him instantly!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Oh yeah, I did it! Do a little dance… Make a little love… Get down ton- *clunk* Ooh… L-l-look at da pwetty stars…
Lil Cheep Cheep falls on his side.
Guard 2 smacks Lil Cheep Cheep over the head with the blunt side of his spear! Guard 3 takes out a small Bob-omb and winds it up. It starts walking toward Axem Leader…
Axem Leader: Just what I need! To get blown up!
The Bob-omb explodes and sends Axem Leader out the window!
Lil Cheep Cheep from inside the shop: … Ugh… huh? Oh no! Where are you taking me? NOOO!!! Axem Lea- *clunk*
Axem Leader: I’m comin’!
Axem Leader dashes into the door. He sees the two guards taking Lil Cheep Cheep away through the back door.
Talking Sandwich: Mwahahaha! He is being taken to the owner’s castle where he will probably get killed!
Axem Leader: NOO!!!
Talking Sandwich: And the only way to get there is to get past me!
Axem Leader's stomach growls.
Axem Leader: See? My stomach is as mad as I am!
Axem Leader takes out his axe and charges at Talking Sandwich and cuts him in half!
Axem Leader: Yay! Lunch time!
At the mysterious castle…
The two guards still have Lil Cheep Cheep and they are going through doors and flights of stairs. They finally get to their destination. They take Lil Cheep Cheep through some double doors and appear to be in some sort of throne room… Lil Cheep Cheep finally wakes up.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Agh! What do you want with me?
???: You will know soon enough…
At the castles entrance…
Axem Leader: Wow! What a big door! Where the heck is the doorknob?
Door: ARGH! HALT! I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL DO- *whack*
Axem Leader defeats him instantly with his axe and goes inside to be greeted by a person named “mayhem”.
Mayhem: HALT! Who goes there?!
Axem Leader: I am Axem Leader; I want to see the king of this castle!
Mayhem: Sorry… only people who know the umm… password… yeah… “I like cheese” may enter, and obviously you don’t know the umm… password, yeah…
Axem Leader: No wait… I do know it… I like cheese!
Mayhem: *gasp* How did you know the secret password?!
Axem Leader: I’m the guy up there’s brother or other close relative…
Mayhem: Huh? … Uhh… HALT! Who goes there?!
Axem Leader: *sigh* I love cheese…
Mayhem: Wow, you know the umm… secret thingy… huh? Who are you and… uhh… HALT! Who goes there?!
Axem Leader: Do you always act like this? Or are you making an extra effort today?
Mayhem: Umm… why umm… HALT! Who goes there?!
Axem Leader: No one goes there!
Mayhem: Oh then come right in!
Axem Leader: Hey, by the way, have you seen a Cheep Cheep being carried off by some Shy Guys?
Mayhem: Yes! They went into the umm… main king’s room… Yeah…
Axem Leader: Ok, cool! Cya!
Axem Leader runs off into the throne room.
Mayhem: Bye… huh? What was I doing again? … Hey you, HALT!
In the throne room…
Axem Leader: Give me back my friend!
Axem Leader runs to the end of the throne room but gets stuck. He gets that “sinking” feeling. He looks down to see…
Axem Leader: QUICKSAND!!!
Axem Leader ties a rope to his axe and throws it at the wall. The axe gets stuck and Axem Leader pulls himself out of the quick sand. He looks behind him to see a conveniently placed hole.
Axem Leader: Whoa, glad I didn’t fall into that conveniently placed hole!
Just then, one of the guards comes and pushes him into the hole.
Axem Leader: Ahh! *thump* Ow my head…
Axem Leader seems to be in a dungeon-like room.
Axem Leader: Hmm… AHH!
Axem Leader is startled by a loud voice that seems to be coming from a bullhorn.
???: Ha ha ha ha! You are trapped! If you want to fight me, you must defeat all of the Koopa Kid clones!
Axem Leader: What? Oh no!
???: If you look at the seven doors in front of you, you will see on each door there is a different number. 1,2,3,4,5,6, and a 7.
Axem Leader: There is NO way you are making me open those doors!
Just then door 1 starts to open…
Axem Leader: Ack!
A Larry clone starts walking out, followed by two Piranha Plants that walk on their roots. The Koopa Kid looks like the real Larry, but his eyes are all black, no white or anything.
Axem Leader: Hey, no fair! I have to fight three things at a time?!
???: *sigh* Well ok, you can pick one Koopa Kid to be your partner…
Axem Leader: Ok… I pick whatever is in door number 7!
???: That one is Ludwig, he has the power of “knowledge”. Do you want him?
Axem Leader: Oh yeah, I read a Scribble about him once; he can make a bunch of stuff! I can tell him to make me something, and he can transport all the enemies somewhere else!
???: Sorry, there aren’t any parts down there to make anything…
Axem Leader: Darn it! Then I pick… Leroy!
???: … There isn’t a Koopa Kid named Leroy!
Axem Leader: Well then make one so he can be my partner!
???: No! I can’t believe you don’t know the Koopa Kid’s names… ok, I’m going to go through all the choices… calmly. There is Larry; he has the power of “plants”. Morton, who has the power of “wedding cake”- er, “heat”. Wendy, who has the power of water. Iggy, who has the power to “make-things-grow”. Roy, who has the power of “strength”. Lemmy, who has the power of “ice”. And finally Ludwig, who has the power of “Knowledge”. So now that you know the choices, who do ya pick?
Axem Leader: I still pick Leroy…
??? ARGH! YOU FIGHT ALONE!!!
Axem Leader: Sounds like fun!
Larry points at Axem Leader, and one of the Piranha Plants goes over to him and bites hit leg!
Axem Leader: Yeowch!
Axem Leader takes out his axe and chops the plant to bits. He does the same to the other one.
Larry Clone: Ahh! You killed my plants… Now you must die!
Axem Leader: Nope, I must live! You must fry!
Axem Leader charges electricity to his axe and strikes Larry.
Larry: ACK! *ZAP* AGH! *CRACKLE* UGH… *POP*
Larry falls to the floor and a small treasure chest appears…
Axem Leader: Cool! A prize!
Axem Leader opens to chest to find Cheep Cheep-shaped armor.
Axem Leader: Hmm… I should give this to Lil Cheep Cheep… if I ever see him again…
Just then door 2 starts to open… The Morton clone comes out, followed by The Angry Sun. Morton immediately kicks Axem Leader in the chest. Axem Leader falls down and The Angry Sun rams him.
Axem Leader: Agh! It burns the flesh!
Axem Leader chops at the sun a few times and kills him…
???: Hey! You’re spilling raspberry jam all over my dungeon!
Axem Leader: I want raspberry jam! I haven’t eaten since the talking sandwich!
Morton Clone: Eww! I don’t wanna fight some cannibal!
Axem Leader: Cannibal? Where?
Axem Leader ooks around.
The Morton clone jumps out the window…
Axem Leader: Well ok…
A small treasure chest appears… Axem Leader walks over to it to see it labeled “STARMAN”.
Axem Leader: Cool!
Door 3 starts to open and Wendy comes out, followed by two evil Cheep Cheeps…
Axem Leader: Can’t I just fight them all at once and get it over with?!
???: Are you sure you want to make that foolish choice?
All the doors start to open…
Axem Leader: AHH! Never mind!
All the doors close…
Axem Leader: Well I’d better finish this!
Axem Leader jumps at the first Cheep Cheep and makes quick work of it.
Axem Leader: Sushi anyone?
Axem Leader turns around to see the second Cheep Cheep flying at him!
Axem Leader: AHH!
Axem Leader holds up his axe and the Cheep Cheep is split in two!
Axem Leader: He he…
Wendy starts floating up in the air and closes her eyes, and then all of a sudden there is another earthquake! Axem Leader looks down to see a crack forming under him. He then notices water is leaking through…
Axem Leader: Oh n- *gurgle gurgle*
The water floods the whole dungeon and goes out the window! Axem Leader is on the floor half-choked! Axem Leader takes out his axe and throws it at Wendy! Wendy moves to the side and dodges it easily. The axe hits the wall and gets stuck. Wendy picks up the axe and it turns into water, destroying it.
Axem Leader: NOO! MY AXE!!!
Wendy takes out her wand and fires a water bomb at Axem Leader! Boom!
Axem Leader: Ahh! Girls are so pushy!
Axem Leader takes out a Bob-omb he stole and winds it up…
Axem Leader: Take this!!!
3… 2… 1… BOOM!
Wendy Clone: AAAIIIGGGHH!!!
The Wendy clone falls to the floor dead.
Axem Leader: Yay!
A treasure chest appears and Axem Leader opens it up to find another axe. But this one is different, this one is blue!
???: That is the “Magic Axe”. When you throw it, it will come back to you, yada yada…
Axem Leader: COOL!
Door 4 starts to open… But nothing came out…
Axem Leader: Whoo! Your clone is scared to fight me!
Just then there is a shake. Then another shake.
Axem Leader: This can’t be good…
Iggy comes out through the door but is ten times bigger then the other ones! He is followed by two HUGE Koopa Troopas!
Axem Leader: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *gasp* AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Axem Leader throws the axe and it cuts through the Iggy clone’s neck and the Koopa Troopas’ necks!
Axem Leader: Uhh… yay!
They all disappear and a treasure chest appears…
Axem Leader: Yay! Another item for me!
Axem Leader runs up to it and opens it to find a huge Mushroom!
???: Ugh… that’s the Giant Mushroom. You can use it five times!
Axem Leader: YAHOO!
Door 5 starts to open and the Roy clone comes in, followed by two Buzzy Beatles…
Axem Leader: See?! That’s Leroy!
Roy Clone: What?! That’s not my name!
And for calling me that you will
die!
Axem Leader decides it’s a good idea to throw the axe again, but this time Roy catches it and breaks it over his knee.
Axem Leader: Aww… I was getting used to that cool axe…
Axem Leader takes out the Giant Mushroom and throws it at Roy!
Roy Clone: AAHHHHH- *SPLAT*
Axem Leader: That’s what you get when you mess with me!
The Buzzy Beatles eat the Mushroom and they grow to the size of small houses!
Axem Leader: AHHHHHHH! IM GOING TO DIE!
It takes almost his whole Bob-omb set to kill them.
Axem Leader: Whoa… that was hard!
???: Uhh, you get nothing as your prize. Ha ha ha ha!!!
Axem Leader: Darn you…
Door 7 starts to open…
Axem Leader: Hey! What happened to the sixth guy?!
???: He already died somehow!
Axem Leader: Talk about bad luck…
The Ludwig clone steps out and he is dragging a machine with him…
Axem Leader: Hey! I thought you said there weren’t any parts to make stuff!
???: Well I lied!
The Ludwig clone presses a button on the machine and two Piranha Plants that walk on their roots come out along with The Angry Sun, two evil Cheep Cheeps, two giant Koopa Troopas, two Buzzy Beatles, and another Ludwig clone!
Axem Leader: *evil grin* Here is something I’ve learned…
Axem Leader takes out the Starman and uses it, then takes out a very large Bob-omb. He walks into the middle of the crowd. He sets it to one second…
KABOOM!
Axem Leader: Yay! I win! Now give me my item!
???: Mammamia! Err… since you beat two Ludwigs you get two items. *cough*
Axem Leader: Hey! I only know two people who say “mammamia”!
???: Well, uhh… I say it too!
Axem Leader walks over to see two treasure chests. He opens one to find “Steal Magic Axe”. He opens the next one to find a strange amulet…
???: Well since you beat all of the clones, I should tell you who I am… It’s-a me, Mario!
Axem Leader: Oh no! The dreaded catch phrase!
Mario: If you wanted to know, the guy named “mayhem” was really Luigi.
Axem Leader: That explains everything…
Mario: Ok, now I want you to turn around and you will see a door that says “Exit”…
Axem Leader: AHH! I could have gone through this door minutes ago!
Mario: Hee hee…
Axem Leader goes through the door to find a room with three doors labeled 1, 2, and 3…
Axem Leader: Aww… what now?
Mario: Well, there are three doors as you can see… One has a special item; another has a staircase leading to me! And another has a mystery prize!
Axem Leader: Uhh, ok… Can you un-mystery it for me and tell me what it is?
Mario: Uh, no!
Axem Leader: Aww… I pick door number… 2… No 1! Er… 3!
Mario: You win… Starman!
Axem Leader: Yay!
Mario: Another door…
Axem Leader: Ok umm… 1! No umm… 2! No wait… I pick 3!
Mario: You win… hey wait a second!
Axem Leader: Cool! What’s a “hey wait a second!”?
Mario: Uhh… a Starman…
Axem Leader: Yay!
Just then Luigi comes in and starts to guard door 2.
Luigi: HALT! Who goes there?!
Axem Leader: I love cheese
Luigi: Why hello I love cheese.
Axem Leader: Remember when I asked you if you were putting an effort into today? Well you just answered it…
Luigi: Well uhhh… HALT! Who goes there?!
Axem Leader: I go there you little twit!
Luigi: Then go right in! Wait… hey!
Axem Leader: What?
Luigi: HALT! Who go- *biff*
Axem Leader knocked Luigi’s lights out! Axem Leader opens door number 2 to find Lil Cheep Cheep!
Axem Leader: Oh cool!
Lil Cheep Cheep: *gasp* Axem Leader! It was horrible! They made me eat cheese and it was nasty then they made me fight this one chick but I couldn’t then they forced me to make a gazillion pounds of pasta which I didn’t mind too much then they forced me into this room and then the door opens and I see you and I’m like “Yay!” and that’s the story so far!
Axem Leader: Well that’s horrible, except for the cheese part.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Well let’s go beat the crud out of Mario!
Luigi wakes up.
Luigi: Uhh… can I come with you? I have nothing better to do.
Axem Leader: Ok but you have to do a test.
Luigi: Why?
Axem Leader: Because I’m bored…
Lil Cheep Cheep: Ooh ooh! I know! Stand on your head only in your underpants!
Luigi does it.
Axem Leader: Hey, when you bought that underwear… was it already brown and wet like that?
Luigi: Uhh… no.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Eww!
Axem Leader: Well that was disturbing…
Lil Cheep Cheep: Ok, what else should he do Axem Leader?
Axem Leader: I don’t care, as long is doesn’t have him half-naked again…
Lil Cheep Cheep: Then you’re in Luigi!
Luigi: Cool!
Axem Leader: By the way Lil Cheep Cheep, this is for you…
Axem Leader hands Lil Cheep Cheep the armor he won.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Wow thanks!
Lil Cheep Cheep notices the amulet.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Huh? What’s that thingy?
Axem Leader: I have no idea, want it?
Lil Cheep Cheep: All right!
Lil Cheep Cheep grabs it and puts it on the chest part of the armor.
Lil Cheep Cheep: It would look cool right here! He he he… hey wait a second… Ahh! It won’t come off, evil I tell ya! It’s evil! May the power of all things holy compel you! May the power of all things holy compel you!
Luigi: Stop, drop, and roll!
Lil Cheep Cheep rolls, drops, and stops.
Luigi: No not like that! Like this!
Luigi stops, rolls, then drops.
Axem Leader: No no, like this!
Axem Leader drops, rolls, then stops.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Hey, aren’t we supposed to do this when we catch on fire?
Luigi: Uhh… don’t do drugs!
Axem Leader: What?
Lil Cheep Cheep: Hey, look at my armor! It changed to the color of your cool new axe!
Axem Leader: It must me magical now!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Cool!
Luigi: Well that was a wholesome moment, now let’s go!
Axem Leader, Lil Cheep Cheep, and their new friend Luigi go through door 1. After hours of stair climbing, they reach a door labeled “Secret room”.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Ok, let’s go in!
Axem Leader: I have a bad feeling about his…
Lil Cheep Cheep: C’mon Axem Leader, he’s a fat plumber. What’s the worst he could do?
Axem Leader: Well he can beat up Bowser, and I don’t think we can ever beat him!
Luigi: Actually, it was I dressed in red. When I was about to get a kiss from Peach, he pushed me out of the way and got all the credit!
Lil Cheep Cheep: Well that’s interesting to know…
Axem Leader: Ok then, let’s go!
The party walks in ready for battle and they see Mario eating pizza and watching TV.
Lil Cheep Cheep: Get him!
Mario: Holy cheese! I knew I should have written the note first!
Mario grabs a piece of paper and writes, “Dear Suckers, ha ha ha ha! I have left and the next time we meet, I will kill you! –Mario”.
Axem Leader: What an idiot!
Mario jumps out the window.
Axem Leader: I hope he pays the price for jumping out of a 90-story window…
Luigi: Don’t worry, we WILL see him again…
Faint Voice of Mario: No you wont… *thump* Ow!
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