Lord Seth: Welcome, one and all, to possibly my best story ever in Lemmy's Land! I hope you enjoy it. To sum it up in one sentence, Mario goes on a large adventure. Want more than that? Read the story, for crying out loud!"
Warning: If laughter is dangerous to your health, you are cautioned not to read this story.
Cast of Characters
Larry Koopa: The youngest Koopaling.
He knows a terrible secret about everyone, and then some.
However, rather than get rich from
this blackmail, he spends most of his time with his plants.
Morton Koopa Jr: An extremely loud loudmouth. He talks even more than <insert name of someone who talks more than the most talkative person you know>! Most people keep duct tape around when he's around, so that they can tape his mouth shut.
Wendy O. Koopa: A person who is sometimes an extremely whiny brat. She is obsessed with wearing bows. There seems to be something I'm forgetting to mention about her, though. But what is it?
Iggy Koopa: He's... um... well... he proves that the saying "that which does not kill me makes me stronger" is an outright lie.
Roy Koopa: The biggest bully and strongest Koopaling. He enjoys pounding on either Iggy or Larry. He's also the best Koopaling at sports by far.
Lemmy Koopa: The fun-loving Koopaling
who manages a great website. He's bad at walking but is great at
rolling on his ball.
Ludwig von Koopa: The genius of the Koopalings. Still, if he was so intelligent, why don't his inventions work more often? And why doesn't he stop making those horrible sounds that he calls music?
Bowser Koopa: The father of the Koopalings and ruler of the Koopas. Bowser is constantly trying to conquer The Mushroom Kingdom, but Mario and Luigi stop him every time.
Mario Mario: The mascot of Nintendo
and enemy of the Koopalings. Mario, as everyone knows, is constantly
saving the world (and princesses).
He's the slightly older brother of Luigi (Mario was born oh... maybe a
few seconds earlier. They're twins!).
Luigi Mario: Mario's younger and slightly less famous brother. Although he and Mario usually get along well, they argue all the time.
Peach Toadstool: The princess that Luigi
and Mario are constantly rescuing from Bowser'as clutches. You
think she would have increased security
by now, though.
Yoshi Dino: The semi-adorable dinosaur
that is a friend of Mario and Luigi. He has a big appetite and
dislikes the Koopas also (Why else
would he let Luigi or Mario ride him?).
Wario Wario: Mario's cousin and rival. Although he's stronger than Mario, he's more evil. He is a bit more clever, but is less agile because of his large weight.
Waluigi Wario: Wario's brother and a total scaredy-cat. He does not appear in this story but was supposed to. However, he got stage-fright at the last second... I mean minute... I mean hour... sorry, I mean week.
Mallow Nimbus: The son of Queen and King Nimbus. He's a character in Super Mario RPG.
Geno ????: We don't know his last name (if he even has one), hence the question marks. He is a Star Guardian and assisted Mario when they defeated Smithy waaaaaay back in Super Mario RPG.
Lord Seth: This person is a genius.
He is also cool, excellent, and amazing. There are simply not enough
compliments to adequately describe
this person. However, every single one of those descriptions will
be lost immediately if you say his name is strange. Although he's rather
weak physically, he makes up for it by being an extremely excellent person
at magic (real magic, not the fake kind that David Copperfield does).
????????: An extremely critical character in the story. Unfortunately, we at this time do not know the name or description of him or her.
All these and others in...
SMITHY'S SUCCESSOR
-Edited and published by Lemmy Koopa.
-Characters Created by Nintendo, Inc.
-Music Provided by Ludwig von Koopa.
Just kidding!
-Written, produced, directed, and created
by Lord Seth.
-Special thanks to Vapor for technical
assistance.
-Inspired by Smithy. Sorry Smithy,
but you still don't get paid!
-Anything that is not listed in the
credits is probably provided by someone who is not listed in the credits.
The Setting
After that fiasco in A Test of Wills, life had gone back to normal, or at least as normal as it ever gets, at Koopa Castle. Roy was pounding on Iggy, Ludwig was in his lab (big explosions and bad music could be heard), Wendy was throwing a tantrum, Larry was watering his plants, Morton was babbling on, and Lemmy was working on his computer. The noise level was... high. And now our story begins...
***
"I wish someone had invented noise-proof
kids," Bowser grumbled to himself. Suddenly he found himself
face-to-face with Lord Seth.
"Greetings everyone!" Lord Seth stated
to no one in particular. "Does anyone notice anything interesting
about this story? This is the first
story, and I mean the first story on Lemmy's Land that I EVER wrote that
is NOT in script format! Isn't it amazing?"
"Who are you talking to?" Bowser asked, then added "AND GET OUT OF HERE! IT TOOK ME AN ENTIRE DAY TO GET MORTON OUT OF THAT HAUNTED HOUSE!!!"
"Touchy, touchy," Lord Seth said, "I was merely informing the readers that this is a milestone story. Now, I- OH MY GOSH!!! I'M LATE!!!"
(Without another word, Lord Seth teleported away.)
"How does he do that?" Bowser wondered out loud.
Oh, it's quite simple, actually. All you need to be is over 1,000 years old and-
"I wasn't asking you!" said Bowser, who was feeling annoyed.
Well, don't ask questions like that then! You know, do you think I'm cool?
"Who are you?" Bowser asked.
I'M LORD SETH YOU IDIOT!!! I WROTE THIS STORY!!!
"But I was just talking to you!"
*sigh* It's really complicated but I'm Lord Seth, okay?
"Fine. Yes, you're somewhat cool. Now leave me alone," Bowser mumbled, leaving.
Somewhat?! Well, I'll leave you alone, even though I'm much more cool than that.
"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Oh, sorry.
A few weeks later...
A knocking sound was heard. Lemmy, as luck would have it, was the one to go and answer it.
"Who is it?" he asked grouchily, as
he was in the middle of a game of Yoshi's Island. "And who are yo-"
he stopped, seeing Mario and Luigi.
"ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE YOU TWO IDIOTS DOING HERE?"
"We were just wondering which way was
lef-" Mario began, but then Luigi whacked him. "Oh, I'm sorry. I
mean that we have a small problem."
YOU CALL WHAT HAPPENED SMALL?!
"See," Mario continued, "the Mushroom Kingdom has been completely demolished and conquered by an army of Smithy's former hencemen. The problem is that each is ten times stronger than they were before. Where are Mallow and Geno when you need them?"
Meanwhile...
"Mmmmph mmmmph!" Mallow (who is tied up and gagged) said.
"Mmph mmmph mmmphh!" Geno (who is also tied up and gagged) agreed.
"SHUT UP!!!" screamed the guard who was in charge of watching over them.
Back to where our friends are...
"Let me get this straight," Lemmy said. "You-"
"It's curved, not straight. Weren't you listening?" Luigi interrupted.
"What I meant is that you're stating that Smithy's army came and attacked you? But Smithy's been destroyed for years! The chances of him being revived is the chances of lightning striking me right now."
Just then, some lightning hit Lemmy.
"Well, lightning never strikes the same place twice," he said, feeling dazed.
Just then, lightning struck him in the exact same place. However, it was his head rather than his feet, because he moved.
"Well, maybe it could have happened!" Lemmy said.
"It did," Luigi said.
They didn't get to talk much more, because
at that moment a large group of Drill Bits came running after
them. Fortunately for our friends they
were so heavy that the ground collapsed underneath them.
"So... you see that this is completely and absolutely true," Mario said.
"Yes, yes," Lemmy said. "Wait here."
Lemmy left to inform the rest of his
family about the new situation. The news lowered the decibells of
the
castle down to 50, the lowest ever
(excluding when people were asleep).
"Now what's going on here?" Bowser roared.
"You're telling me that Smithy's army went and attacked the
Mushroom Kingdom? Who cares? Why should
I care?"
"Uh... they probably will attack us next?" Lemmy said.
"And what gives you that idea?"
"Revenge." was Lemmy's simple answer. And that did make sense, as Bowser had helped Mario defeat Smithy.
"Alright... so what do we do?"
Call Lord Seth for help! Did I ever tell you how great he, er, I mean I, was? Just-
"FINE! ANYTHING IF IT'LL SHUT YOU UP!!!" Bowser yelled, obviously annoyed. He dialed Lord Seth's number, but unfortunately got an answering machine.
"Hello!" it said, in Lord Seth's voice.
"You have reached the Seth mansion, home of Lord Seth. The, um,
problem is that I'm currently being
held prisoner and tortured by my greatest enemy. So, um... how about you
call back in a year or two?"
Bowser slammed down the phone. "Some help he was. See if I ever listen to that narrator again."
Hey, I'm only supposed to make jokes!
"Well, let's just tell the rest of the Koopalings about this," Lemmy said.
A bit later...
"So, uh, what should we do?" Larry started to say, but was interuppted when Bowyer crashed in.
"Revenge I shall get!" he cried.
"Revenge? Bowser wasn't even on Mario's team when they beat you," Morton replied.
"Oh. Incorrect I was," Bowyer said. He disappeared and Yaridivoch (who is stronger than him) appeared.
"Me and my extra-big mouth," Morton sighed.
Meanwhile, outside the castle...
"Any idea what's taking them so long?" Luigi asked.
"Nope. Not an idea," Mario said.
"Think there could be a problem?" Luigi asked.
"Well, why don't we find out?" Mario answered.
"Sure, just don't kick down that do-"
SLAM!
"Too late," Mario said.
"Mario, do you even know the definition of the word 'doorknob'?"
"What's a doorknob?"
"This explains a lot," Luigi said. "An awful lot."
"What explains a lot?" Mario said, confused.
"Forget it. Let's just go inside. And by the way, if we have to, I'm not paying for that door!"
"Who cares? I'm always doing that!"
Exactly how many times has Mario had
to pay for a door he knocked down? Why doesn't he know what a doorknob
is? Will they get there in time to save the Koopas? I'm using all
those suspenseful questions again, aren't I? Will I ever stop? No, am I
doing it again? Stop it? Get rid of those question marks? No? No
matter what I do, these all ends in
questions marks! There's one that didn't! Yes! Okay, you can stop with
the exclamation marks! I SAID STOP!!! Good, it stopped. Wait, now I need
to ask another question. Who is leading these forces. No, I wanted
a question mark. Oh, forget it.
Mario and Luigi ran in and saw something... but what? I'll tell you in a second? THAT'S IT! I'M GETTING THIS KEYBOARD FIXED!!!
But in the process, we must get back to the story (Okay, you're wondering how I can write this without a keyboard. It's a bit... difficult to explain).
Mario and Luigi, as I was saying, came
into the room where the Koopalings and Bowser were having their meeting...
if it could be called a room. The entire place had been demolished, and
scorch marks could be
found everywhere. Drips of water were
also all over the place. All in all, it looked like what a place would
like if Lord Seth was in a bad mood and someone told him his name was strange
(or if Vapor walked in during an Interview).
"This place looks like what a place
would look like if Lord Seth was in a bad mood and someone said his
name was weird," Luigi said.
I just said that.
"Luigi said that it would happen if someone said Lord Seth's name was weird, not strange," Mario said.
*sigh* I really hate things like this...
where was I? Now I remember. As I was saying, the room had been
demolished and totaled. Mario and Luigi
were staring at it.
"Any ideas on what to do?" asked Mario.
"Um... look for them? Look at this trail they left!" Luigi said.
And so began a vast and magnificent battle that shall have no easy victor.
Meanwhile...
All the Koopalings were tied up and gagged in the room next to where Geno and Mallow were tied up.
"Mmmmmph mmph mph mmpphh mmph mmmph mmmmmmmppphhhh mphhh mpph!" Morton said.
"MMMMPH MMPH MMMMPPPHH!!!" Roy said.
"Figures I get this stupid job," a Shy Guy muttered. "I mean, I'm stuck watching over these little brats while all my friends get all the good stuff."
Back to Mario and Luigi...
And so Mario and Luigi went and tried
to rescue the Koopalings. Unfortunately, they got captured and
thrown in a shell, sorry, I mean cell,
along with Yoshi and Peach. These guys were bound but not gagged.
So who's going to save them? WHO?! The answer sure shall surprise you...
Part 2: The Thing After Part 1
Vapor: There was no Part 1!
TOO BAD! ON WITH THE STORY!
To Make A Short Story Long...
Who is the savior? Think! He's the only person mentioned in the Cast of Characters who hasn't made an appearance... it's Wario!
"What? I refuse!" Wario said.
Uh... did I mention that Smithy has a large amount of secret treasure?
"Oh! I'll go then!" Wario said happily.
And so Wario went off to rescue the people so hecould get the treasure from Smithy.
"I'm only doing this because you're paying me!"
That was supposed to be... ah... our little secret? Anyway, Wario got to the prison cell where Mario and Luigi were being held.
"No way! I'm not giving the key to you!" a Jabit (the prison guard) cried.
"Too bad!" Wario said.
***Interupption***
We will now do all battle scenes like the following:
Attacker: <Name of attacker>
Attack: <Name of attack>
Target: <Name of target>
Effect: <Amount of damage dealt
or whatever it does>
HP Left: <Amount of HP left on target>
<Anything else that should be mentioned
here will be mentioned here>
Note: In battle scenes language will be in script format to make viewing easier.
So for a quick sample battle:
How Smithy REALLY died.
BATTLE START.
Smithy: Your name's pretty strange, you know.
Lord Seth: WHAT?!
Attacker: Lord Seth
Attack: Total Annihilation
Target: Smithy
Effect: 1,000,000 damage dealt
HP Remaning: 0
Smithy is defeated.
END BATTLE.
Exp will not be mentioned but it will be said whensomeone increases in level and their HP gain. Thank you.
***We now return you to the story***
Attacker: Wario
Attack: Punch
Target: Jabit
Effect: 50 damage dealt.
HP Left: 10
Attacker: Jabit
Attack: Bite
Target: Wario
Effect: 10 damage dealt
HP Left: 20
Attacker: Wario
Attack: Punch
Effect: 50 damage dealt
HP Left: 0
Jabit is defeated
WARIO WINS!!!
"Fine! Fine! I'll give you the key! The boss won't be happy, though," whined Jabit.
"Heh heh heh-heh" laughed Wario. "That's what you get for messing with me!"
*Wario gains a key!*
Wario turned left... then right... then
right... then left... then backwards... then forwards... then left and
finally managed to get to where Mario
and Luigi were imprisoned. Wario used the key to free them.
"I never thought you would be the kind to help us!" Luigi said.
"I'm only doing this because Smithy was supposed to have some treasure," Wario said greedily.
"I should have known," Mario said.
Suddenly two Hyper Goombas appeaed! Fortunately so far the baddies were not powered up by whoever has seized control of Smithy's forces. What a stroke of good luck!)
"Being the star of a story has its benefits," Mario said. "But let's fight those Hyper Goombas."
BATTLE START.
Enemies: Three Hyper Goombas
Attacker: Mario
Attack: Fireball
Target: Hyper Goomba 1
Effect: 30 damage dealt
HP Left: 0
Hyper Goomba 1 defeated
Attacker: Luigi
Attack: Jump
Target: Hyper Goomba 3
Effect: 60 damage dealt
HP Left: 0
Hyper Goomba 3 defeated
Luigi: Hahaha! I'm stronger than you, Mario!
Mario: Are not!
Luigi: Are too!
Wario: Morons...
Attacker: Wario
Attack: Punch
Target: Hyper Goomba 2
Effect: 50 damage dealt
Hyper Goomba 2 defeated
MARIO, LUIGI, AND WARIO WIN!!!
Mario and Luigi are still arguing.
"Are too!" said Luigi.
"Are not!" said Mario.
"Why did I rescue these idiots?" wondered Wario.
Wario, Mario, and Luigi (hereafter known as "our heroes") go to try to save the others, but after getting the news, all of Smithy's (I'm saying Smithy even though he's not in charge until we find out the true leader) forces have evacuated and taken the prisoners with them!
"Oh, great," Mario muttered. "Now we have to go figure out where they are and rescue them."
Meanwhile...
"Hahahaha!" Someone laughed. "Those fools. Hey! My name isn't someone!"
Well, until we find out who you are, we'll have to do that. Unless, of course, you choose to give it out...
"No! Never!" Someone stated. "Where was I? Mwahaha! Those fools are playing right into my hands... soon I shall have them all trapped again. Let them free a few... I'll still complete this my time. We're ahead of schedule. BWAHAHAHA!!!
Meanwhile...
"Mario, the definition of a doorknob (in the dictionary's own words) is: a knob that releases a door latch," Luigi explained.
"What's that mean?" asked Mario.
"It means you just turn the circular thingy on the door to open it... unless it's locked," Luigi answered.
"Oh," Mario said, feeling happy now that he knew what a doorknob was after many years.
"But what are these?" Luigi wondered, picking up some hammers. "Oh! They must be those Hammer Brothers hammers that there were in Super Mario RPG!"
*MARIO, LUIGI, AND WARIO ALL HAVE HAMMERS*
"Hey... look at this!" Wario said. "It's a piece of paper!"
"Oh, wow!" Mario said sarcastically. "A piece of paper... the answer to all our problems," he said, rolling his eyes.
"Actually, it might be! It has writing
on it! It's smudged as it goes on so I can't read some of it... but
it reads like this (the *s are showing
where it's so smudged I can't read it):
Hey **u ***s! It's quite simple to *****e out what *o do... you don't ha*e to collect Stars o* Star ***c**, you n*e* to co**ect the 11 Scrolls of Power or this s***y will ne*er *nd! At least there's a pu*****... and **ch Scroll has * s***** *bi*it*! **is is *or* *et* wi*h*** *ou g**d ***k **d ***d*y*!
"So that means what?" Mario inquired.
"It means that we need to collect the
11 Scrolls of Power for some reason," Wario explained. "Heh heh I
always was the smarter one."
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" both Mario and Luigi yelled.
"I said that out loud? Oops," Wario gulped.
Meanwhile...
"Heh," Mack said. "Being ten times as strong is exhilarating! Soon those morons known as Mario, Luigi, and Wario will fall into our trap! And then... and then we shall-"
"Shut up you should," Bowyer said.
Just then, Lord Seth crashed through the window. "Hello," he said calmly. "I'm here to collect my debts."
"No! Not will I pay!" Bowyer screeched.
"Have it your way," Lord Seth said. He opened his hand and a few fireballs (the kind you see on DragonballZ) appeared and blasted Bowyer.
"Okay! Okay! Pay I shall!" whined Bowyer. He gave Lord Seth the four million dollars he owed him.
"You forgot interest," Lord Seth said with an evil grin. "That's an additional million." Bowyer grumbled but handed over the money, and Lord Seth left.
"Hate him I do," Bowyer muttered.