Mario Madness

By Crazy Packers Fan

Round 4 (Elite 8): Part 1

Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome back here to Mario Madness, here at Wario Stadium! Weíre here for Round 4,
otherwise known as the Elite Eight! Weíre having the Super Koopas championship game this week, and here
with me are Roy and Larry. Roy, tell us the storyline for this match.

Roy: After Sandslash seemed to have pulled off the upset of the century by knocking off an invincible, unbeatable opponent, he finds himself up against Rachelle, who barely eked out a victory in her close race against Misty Koopa. So itís #5 Rachelle vs #10 Sandslash for the Super Koopas title! Larry?

Larry: What am I supposed to say?

Roy: Whoís going to win, moron!

Larry: Which moron?

Roy: Thatís what Iím asking you!

Larry: Tell me.

Roy: No, you- come on, loser!

Larry: Oh, oh, whoís going to win.

Roy: Right. And whoís going to lose, too.

Larry: We all know whoís going to win. It doesnít take Ludwigís brain to figure it out.

Roy: Who?

Larry: Ludwig, you tell him.

Ludwig: Although I may be hated, despised, abhorred, and loathed by the host of this thing...

Crazy Packers Fan: I donít hate you, okay? But what does that have to do with anything?

Ludwig: Nothing! Now, letís continue on. The most unlikely winner to this tournament would be a low seed, but it appears to the unaided eye that one would assume that a higher seed stands a better chance of
becoming the victor of such a highly esteemed-

Crazy Packers Fan: Who are you, Morton?

Morton: You want my advice? Do you, do you, do you? Do you want to hear what I have to say? Huh? Huh? Well, since you didnít let me be in your tournament, championship, bracket, series, thing, I will not, wonít, Iíll not, help you out at all!

Crazy Packers Fan: How did we get to Morton from Larry?

Lemmy: Psst!

Lemmy whispers something to Crazy Packers Fan.

Crazy Packers Fan: Not that!

Lemmy whispers again.

Crazy Packers Fan: All right, all right. Attention, everyone! If we donít get back to business, Lemmy will have to downgrade this to just a Scribble. Now, Larry, whoís going to win?

Larry: Sandslash! You want him to win yourself! Ha! Gotcha there!

Crazy Packers Fan: *sigh* Why do I always tell Larry those secrets...

Larry: Wait, you donít want Sandslash to win as much as you want Rachelle to lose! Exact words! Ha ha!

Crazy Packers Fan: Pay no attention to the Koopaling named after one of the Three Stooges.

Roy: Come on, anyone with any sense knows that Rachelle will win! It has to be destiny that she is the only one to defeat a #1 seed in this tournament! Sheís come a long way, and she wonít be denied! I made an earlier 100-coin wager with Larry, with my pick being Rachelle.

Rachelle: Thanks for the support, Roy!

Roy: Why am I supporting her? Can I change my vote?

Crazy Packers Fan: Letís get it on before something bad happens to this tournament. Our contest will be-

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep, beep, beep! Beep beep! BEEP BEEP!

Crazy Packers Fan: Whatís he saying?

Ludwig: Let the brains of the family interpret!

Crazy Packers Fan: Go ahead.

Ludwig: Mister Game and Watch, the flat, black-colored character originally from the Game and Watch systems, has dictated to us a message that must be heeded at all costs.

Crazy Packers Fan: Maybe I do hate Ludwig...

Ludwig: His message is: Go, go, go! Go go! GO GO!

Roy: WHAT?! He said: Get it on, you morons. Right now!

Larry: No, he didnít. He said-

Crazy Packers Fan: THATíS ENOUGH!!! Good luck to all the participants, especially you.

Rachelle: Me?

Crazy Packers Fan: No, not you.

Rachelle: Favoritism already!

Crazy Packers Fan: I mean good luck to Roy.

Roy: Why me?

Crazy Packers Fan: Youíre going to be the target!

Roy: Target?

Crazy Packers Fan: Youíre going to sit on this chair here. The other two are to bring back as many enemies
as possible in twenty minutes. Each of them will then throw the enemies at you, hoping to knock you over. Of
course, you can fight off the enemies if you wish. Whoever knocks you over first wins!

Sandslash: How is order decided?

Crazy Packers Fan: I flip a coin, and then you each take turns throwing enemies. Do you understand?

Everyone Else: NO!!!

Crazy Packers Fan: As I thought. Ready, set, go!

Rachelle jumps in a pipe marked ďTo Pipe LandĒ. Sandslash jumps in a pipe marked ďTo Yoshiís IslandĒ.

Roy: This should be funny!

Larry: Whyís that?

Roy: Oh, I- kind of, sort of- mixed up all the signs on the pipes.

Crazy Packers Fan, Roy, and Larry all look up at the duel big screens and see Rachelle freezing in Ice Land
and Sandslash all washed up in Water Land.

Roy: This is actually entertaining!

Rachelle: As I thought, the signs would be wrong. I didnít know there were Flurries in Ice Land, though. I
thought those were only in Sub-con.

Hundreds of Flurries skate at Rachelle.

Rachelle: Another thing. How am I supposed to bring all these enemies back? One at a time? That makes this contest practically pointless. But nevertheless...

Rachelle picks up a Flurry, jumps back in the pipe, and arrives back at Wario Stadium.

Roy: Come on, thatís all you could get? Boo!

Rachelle: Want me to lose and blow your bet with Larry?

Roy: Good job! Keep on getting them!

Larry: Are there any rules prohibiting Roy from cheating?

Crazy Packers Fan: No.

Larry: Isnít that a surprise!

All of a sudden, Sandslash appears, holding a fishing rod with five Big Berthas and Lil Cheep Cheep stuck
on the hook.

Lil Cheep Cheep: Hey, next time use live bait!

Fortunately for himself, Lil Cheep Cheep gets off the hook and is able to get away, but the other fish stay on the hook.

Sandslash: Ready to get killed, Roy?

Crazy Packers Fan: Hey, hey, no death threats allowed! Weíre on a family program!

Sandslash: Ready to get bumped by cute fish, Roy?

Crazy Packers Fan: Better.

Sandslash follows Rachelle into a pipe marked ďTo Sky LandĒ,

Rachelle: I really donít want to go to Sky Land, so Iím entering this pipe. Hey, why are you following me?

Sandslash: Oh, no reason.

Rachelle and Sandslash arrive in Sky Land.

Roy: Oops, I guess I did miss one pipe.

Rachelle: This hasnít been fun this round, which leads me to believe that this is the end of the run for me.

Sandslash: I havenít had more fun in my life! Well, maybe I have, but still...

Sandslash grabs a Chain Chomp, places a Buster Beetle in its mouth, and warps back to Wario Stadium.
Rachelle tries to grab a Nipper, but...

Rachelle: Ouch! Iím going somewhere else.

Rachelle warps back to Wario Stadium, then hurries into the first pipe she sees, one marked ďTo the
Valley of BowserĒ. In the meantime, Sandslash places his newly-caught enemies and gets going into another
pipe, one marked ďTo Grass LandĒ.

Rachelle: This match has a curse on it. I know it!

Rachelle appears in the Forest of Illusions. She quickly grabs a Wiggler and returns to Wario Stadium.

Rachelle: How much time is left?

Crazy Packers Fan: Three minutes!

Rachelle: Yikes!

Rachelle hops into a pipe marked ďTo Desert LandĒ. She appears in Pipe Land.

Rachelle: Whatís that big- AAAAHHHH!!!

A gigantic Piranha Plant wraps Rachelle up in its vine. As for Sandslash...

Sandslash: I knew Iíd end up in Desert Land! Iím so glad, too. But what enemy can I grab?

A Pile-Driver Micro-Goomba jumps right into Sandslashís arms.

Sandslash: Perfect!

Sandslash warps back to Wario Stadium, places his enemy with the rest of his pile, and then hears an alarm go off.

Crazy Packers Fan: Timeís up! Whereís Rachelle?

Larry: Look!

On the Wario Stadium screen, Rachelle is seen trying to escape from the Lava Piranha, with which she is
tangled up.

Rachelle: Get off me!

Crazy Packers Fan: Larry, hit that orange button on that machine by the side of your chair!

Larry hits the button, and the Lava Piranha disappears. Rachelle hurries to the warp pipe and runs over to her pile of enemies.

Crazy Packers Fan: Thatís all the time we have. Now Iíll flip a coin. Call it, Sandslash!

Sandslash: Tails!

Crazy Packers Fan: Of course, it landed on heads. Rachelle, you can throw your first enemy.

Rachelle picks up her Flurry and gets ready to throw it at Roy.

Larry: Hey, Crazy Pack!

Crazy Packers Fan: What now?

Larry: Iím slipping out of my chaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiirrrrrrr!!!

Crazy Packers Fan: What a moron.

Larry touches the orange button again as he falls out of his chair, and all of Rachelleís and Sandslashís
enemies disappear.

Roy: Look what you did, you little jerk!

Larry: What?

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep beep...

Crazy Packers Fan: I have an alternate challenge ready in case something like this would happen. You two have been fixtures at Lemmyís Land over the years, but maybe not that adjusted to Lemmyís other land: Ice
Land. Thereís a hockey rink over here, with the coldest ice we could find, imported from Ice Land. Both of you must stand on the ice. The first to fall, loses. That means sitting down, leaving the ice, or having any other part of your body hit the ice besides your feet. You may walk around the ice, or jump, if you wish. If you touch your opponent, you are disqualified. I donít know how Iíd figure who would win or lose if you touched, but just donít touch each other, okay? Ready?

Rachelle: Let me get to the ice first before you start!

Rachelle and Sandslash stand on the ice.

Crazy Packers Fan: GO!!!

Rachelle: Why did he have to scream it? Oh well, this could be easier than he thinks. Hey, arenít ground-type Pokémon weak against ice?

Sandslash: Yes, but I donít feel like being weak against it today.

Rachelle: Does that matter?

Sandslash: No, but you donít see me falling to pieces!

One hour later...

Rachelle: Is this ice cold?

Sandslash: I think you canít feel your feet anymore.

Rachelle: What about you?

Sandslash: Iíve never been able to feel my feet! Oh, wait, maybe I have... I just forget how they feel.

Rachelle: Oh brother.

One hour later...

Rachelle: Iíd start jumping, but since I canít feel my legs, I donít know how to.

Sandslash: Iíd try making fun of you, but Iím too cold to think.

One hour later...

Rachelle: Is this Survivor or something?

Sandslash: Itís close enough.

Crazy Packers Fan: Survivor... I used to like that show. Now I hate the show but still like the concept. Iím starting to feel nostalgic, as it was one year ago that I started telling everyone my version of Survivor...

Roy: And it was one year ago I started to hate you for not letting me win!

Larry: And it was one year ago I made it to the Final Four, even though I did nothing but hate Susan.

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep beep...

Roy: Oh, be quiet! You werenít even here one year ago!

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep beep.

Roy: I forgive you.

One hour later...

Rachelle: Is it me, or is it cold?

Sandslash: Itís just you.

Rachelle: That wasnít funny.

Sandslash: Iíve given up on trying to make fun of you.

Rachelle: You did two hours ago!

Sandslash: True...

One hour later...

Rachelle: Stop the suspense already! Fall, Sandslash!

Sandslash: Iíll fall you!

Rachelle: How?

Sandslash: I donít know how, but I will!

Rachelle: Youíre so stupid, itís funny, but Iím too cold to laugh!

One hour later...

Crazy Packers Fan: All right, thatís it, Iíve had it. Weíre making this quick and painless. Hereís one trivia question, and Iíll flip a coin to see who answers it first. Whatís the call, Sandslash?

Sandslash: Tails!

Crazy Packers Fan: It lands on heads, of course. So Rachelle, this is your question. If you get the correct answer, you win. Who is the most powerful character in the original Super Mario Bros.?

Rachelle: Uh, thatís a tough one. My two best guesses would be Mario or Bowser. Mario could beat Bowser,
but... uh, Iíll choose Bowser.

Crazy Packers Fan: Thatís incorrect!

Rachelle: There goes the tournament!

Crazy Packers Fan: Sandslash?

Sandslash: Mario?

Crazy Packers Fan: Wrong! Rachelle?

Rachelle: Oh, a minion, he means. Then Iíd have to say Fire Bar, because he canít be beaten.

Crazy Packers Fan: Wrong again! Sandslash?

Sandslash: I donít know! Uh, Iíll just say Princess Toadstool.

Crazy Packers Fan: Thatís right!

Rachelle: WHAT?!

Crazy Packers Fan: Princess Toadstool is the only one with the power to release her people from Bowserís
magic spell, making her power stronger than his. She may be physically weaker than Bowser, but Bowserís
also weaker than Mario, but Mario doesnít have any magic, which brings it back to Princess Toadstool. So
Peach actually is very powerful, although many people donít know it. Sandslash is the Super Koopas
champion!!!

Sandslash: YES!!! At last I have revenge!

Crazy Packers Fan: With that, Sandslash is in the Final Four! He will take on the SMB3 Minions champion for the right to go to the championship match!

Rachelle: Do I get anything for my performance?

Crazy Packers Fan: Actually, everyone does. Hereís how the coin table works:

Round 1 loser: 1 coin
Round 2 loser: 10 coins
Round 3 loser: 100 coins
Round 4 loser: 1000 coins
Round 5 loser: 10,000 coins
Round 6 loser: 100,000 coins
Round 6 winner: 1,000,000 coins

So you get 1,000 coins! Roy and Larry have been paying the other players secretly, while the competition isnít going on. Theyíll pay you, too!

Sandslash: But for once, I beat all these other stupid morons who call themselves Super Koopas. No one can beat the mighty Sandslash!

Crazy Packers Fan: Well, no Super Koopa could, and you went from a #10 seed to a champion of your bracket! Congratulations!

Sandslash: Iíd like to thank my four opponents for... how can I put it nicely... CHOKING so I could win easily!

Rachelle: How nice.

Crazy Packers Fan: Well, that wraps it up for this week. Hold on a second!

Roy: Oh, I was making a joke about that bet, Larry!

Larry: Pay up!

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep beep!

Roy: Fine, I will. This is all your fault, Larry! If you wouldnít have hit that button, I could have faked a fall from an enemy thrown at me by Rachelle. Then Rachelle would have won, and I would have the 100 coins! Ha ha!

Crazy Packers Fan: Next week, weíll have the other three championship games, which I still am taking votes for until Tuesday. If you really want someone to lose or win, youíd better vote, because the races are always close! Anyway, for Roy, Larry, Mr. Game & Watch, and the rest of the competitors here at Mario Madness, this is Crazy Packers Fan, saying so long for now, inviting you to join us for next week-

Roy: Oh, shut up already!

Read on!


 
Comments, suggestions, stories, or story ideas? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Fun Fiction.
Go back to my main page.