Round 4 (Elite 8): Part 2
Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome back here
to the second part of the fourth round of Mario Madness! Today,
we’ll find out three champions, who
will earn trophies for winning their brackets’ championships! First, here’s
the Super Koopas champion, #10 Sandslash, and here’s Larry to present the
trophy!
Larry: Congratulations, Sandslash! You are the Super Koopas champion!
Larry hands the trophy to Sandslash, who holds it up high.
Sandslash: What do I do next?
Larry: Most people kiss it.
Sandslash: Sick! Do you realize what minerals are part of this trophy?
Larry: Just go!
Crazy Packers Fan: Now that Mr. Sandslash
has moved on to the Final Four, we’re about to find out who will
join him there! First off, the Mario/Koopas
championship, #1 Roy vs #7 Yoshi!
Roy: This is it for Yoshi!
Yoshi: Yoshi never lose on Crazy Packers Fan tournament!
Crazy Packers Fan: Very true. Today’s challenge is to make it through this long row of obstacles only seen in the Lost Levels. First, you’ll try to avoid red Piranha Plants while having ? Blocks above you, stopping you from jumping. These may or may not contain useful items. Then you’ll come to a long line of enemies, topped off by Hammer Brothers and Flying Bloopers. Then you must jump from large Mushroom to large Mushroom, using the Trampolines and the rocky, gusty wind to get yourself across. Bullet Bills may visit you there, as well as some Cheep Cheeps. Finally, you’ll enter a castle, complete with any enemy that you’d like to see, and it’s one of those “maze” castles, where, if you make a mistake, you’ve got to do that part again. Whoever touches that Axe first wins! Understand?
Roy: Unfortunately, yes.
Yoshi: Yoshi have no fear!
Crazy Packers Fan: Any comments, Larry?
Larry: Like the Daisy-Yoshi match last week, we have a match-up between Crazy Packers Fan’s favorite and the fan favorite. The fans won last week. Who will this week? I’m going with Yoshi.
Crazy Packers Fan: Mr. Game & Watch?
Mr. Game & Watch: BEEP!!!
Larry: ROY!!!
Crazy Packers Fan: As I thought, or did I? Anyway, jump into that warp pipe to get you there. Ready, set, go!
Mr. Game & Watch starts running towards the pipe.
Crazy Packers Fan: No, not you!
Mr. Game & Watch, Roy, and Yoshi all enter the pipe at the same time.
Crazy Packers Fan: Oh boy. I wonder if Mr. Game & Watch can do even anything, or if he’ll just give up early. Probably he’ll give up early.
Larry: Don’t look now, but the Game Watcher is toasting the other two, literally!
Mr. Game & Watch is tossing sausages at the other two.
Roy: What are you doing here? Hey, I hate these red Piranha Plants! Ever since I injured my feet badly last week, I’ve had trouble in these kind of things. Yee-owch!
As Mr. Game & Watch jumps into a
warp pipe, warping him back to Wario Stadium, red Piranha Plants start
snapping at Roy.
Roy: You go ahead, Yoshi, my feet are killing me!
Roy sticks out his foot as Yoshi runs by him, and Yoshi falls into the mouth of a hungry red Piranha Plant.
Yoshi: Yoshi supposed to be hungry, not red Piranha Plant! Bad Piranha!
Roy runs by the dinosaur.
Roy: Ha ha, guess I win-
Roy hits his head on a block which is very low, only a couple of millimeters over his head.
Roy: Ouch... wait, a Mushroom! That should help me feel better!
Roy picks up the purple Mushroom and takes a bite of it.
Roy: Gross!
Roy spits out the purple Mushroom and throws it to a snapping red Piranha Plant.
Roy: That’s one of those Poison Mushrooms
Bowser warned me about! I hope he never finds out I bit one
of them...
Bowser: What did you just spit out, Roy?
Roy: Hello, Dad?
Bowser: That’s King Dad to you, and
I’m here to make things hard on the players. Here’s some fire, and if
you were Larry or Lemmy, I may not
do this, but since you’re Roy...
Bowser spits a fireball at Roy, who jumps over it.
Roy: Dad wouldn’t do this. This is an impostor! But there’s no Axe here, so I’m just running past him.
Yoshi runs past Roy, who runs at his normal slow pace, into a field of Troopas, Buzzy Beetles, Bullet Bills, Paratroopas, Goombas, Hammer Brothers, and flying Bloopers.
Roy: I wish I had that kind of speed...
After about an hour of ducking and dodging,
the two players find themselves on a Mushroom with a lone
Trampoline ahead before a huge, vast
pit, the air filled with rocks, and a mysterious black and white atmosphere.
Roy: I don’t like the looks of this...
A blue Paratroopa flies past. Yoshi slurps it and keeps its shell in his mouth. He then starts flying across the vast gap.
Roy: There go my chances of winning!
Roy jumps on the Trampoline in anger, and he goes flying forward. The feeling of flying like this is one of the most uncontrollable feelings he has ever felt.
Roy: I actually feel like screaming! HELP!!!
Roy goes flying into a huge castle, and Yoshi flies in right behind him.
Roy: I’m glad that’s over.
Yoshi spits the shell at Roy, knocking him over.
Yoshi: Yoshi win for sure now! Bye bye Roy!
Yoshi starts to run, then falls down a high wall, barely landing on a moving platform, which carries him across a lava pit.
Roy: Looks like I’ve been left in the dust again. But since these castles are so old, they’ve probably got no tricks to them.
Roy sees a long line of Fire Bars spinning dead ahead, with Buzzy Beetles walking harmlessly in between them. After that is a long drop, the same one Yoshi just survived.
Roy: Maybe I was wrong... this challenge looks over.
Roy runs as fast as he can, kicking the Buzzy Beetles wildly and diving past the Fire Bars. By millimeters, he survives and slides down the wall.
Roy: That was close. What’s that beneath me? Lava!
Roy barely grabs on to the moving platform and moves across the lava.
Roy: Wow! That was close!
Yoshi is standing a few feet ahead of Roy.
Roy: How are you only this far ahead of me?
Yoshi: This is unending castle. Yoshi
run forward, Yoshi end up here again. Yoshi go down pipe, Yoshi
still come out here.
Roy: So these castles aren’t as cheap as I thought. There’s got to be an easy way out of here, though.
Roy runs past Yoshi through a hall. Piranha Plants pop up beneath him while Fire Bars spin above him. He jumps up onto a small platform and onto a floating wall, hearing a coin sound.
Roy: I wonder what that means?
Suddenly, Bowser’s fire comes at Roy.
Roy: Uh oh. I did it right, and now I’m coming to the end.
Yoshi jumps right behind Roy and over the fireball.
Roy: Come back here, you dumb dino! I showed you the way through the maze, and you don’t even thank me!
Roy chases Yoshi, dodging Bowser’s fire on the way. He stops on a bridge, where Yoshi has stopped as well. They both see Bowser dead ahead, throwing hammers and spitting fire.
Bowser: You won’t beat me!
Yoshi charges at Bowser with all his might, but he merely bounces off him.
Roy: That won’t work. You need to fireball him, I think, but I don’t have any fire. Wait a minute, I have an idea!
Yoshi jumps as high as he possibly can, landing on a moving platform above Bowser. Meanwhile, Bowser spits a fireball at Roy, but Roy just stands in the way and gets hit by it, getting caught on fire as a result.
Roy: Now it’s over, fake Bowser!
Roy, still on fire, runs right at Bowser, just as Yoshi jumps over him. The fire knocks the Bowser Suit off a Goomba, and Roy and Yoshi touch the Axe at nearly the exact same moment.
Larry: Who touched that Axe first?
Crazy Packers Fan: We’re about to find out. Just watch the screen.
Yoshi falls into the lava, as Roy safely crosses the bridge and meets a Toad.
Roy: What’s this doing here?
As Roy pounds a Toad, Yoshi is able to jump out of the lava.
Yoshi: Yoshi no like lava!
Crazy Packers Fan: Roy is the winner! #1 Roy is the Mario/Koopas champion!
Roy comes out of a warp pipe into Wario Stadium, with Yoshi right behind him.
Crazy Packers Fan: You’ve won it, Roy! Take your trophy!
Roy: Finally!
Yoshi: Yoshi no happy with this crazy guy! Yoshi think Yoshi always win, but Yoshi no win this time! Yoshi feel like suing!
Crazy Packers Fan: Blame it on the fans! Somehow, Roy’s more popular, and I don’t understand why!
Larry: Another wrong pick...
Crazy Packers Fan: It’s time for the SMW Minions championship! This is... #1 Chargin’ Chuck vs #3 Banzai Bill! Roy? Larry?
Roy: I’ve worked with Chargin’ Chuck a long time, and I really think he’s cut out for a championship now.
Larry: Banzai Bill’s big enough to do almost anything, and I think that’s why he’ll pull this one off in overtime.
Chargin’ Chuck: I won’t be beat!
Banzai Bill: This is going to be a great victory for me.
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay, it’s time for
the match. This will be nothing more than a trip through the Valley of
Bowser. You’ll start at the beginning
of the Valley, then go through Larry’s Castle and the Valley Fortress,
finally arriving at Bowser’s Castle, where you must defeat the impostor
of Bowser, or, I mean, Bowser-
Chargin’ Chuck: We knew he wouldn’t be real anyway.
Crazy Packers Fan: I couldn’t keep a secret that time, but it won’t matter, as you’ll have a difficult time anyway. Ready... go!
Chargin’ Chuck and Banzai Bill go through a warp pipe and arrive at Valley of Bowser 1.
Chargin’ Chuck: I wonder what makes this level special...
Suddenly a Mega Mole runs over Chargin’ Chuck.
Banzai Bill: Insert your own joke here. I’m on my way out of here!
Banzai Bill blows practically the entire level away as he just barrels through.
Banzai Bill: (after crossing the gate) Where should I go now?
Chargin’ Chuck: (lying on the ground) Am I supposed to say something?
Banzai Bill heads to Valley of Bowser 2, due to the fact that he can’t think of anything better to do.
Chargin’ Chuck: Well, I’m down by about a whole level, but since the guy who gets behind early almost always wins, I might as well stay behind until the last second.
Banzai Bill crushes through the moving walls of Valley of Bowser 2.
Banzai Bill: None of this stuff can hurt me!
Banzai Bill touches the end tape and moves on to Valley Ghost House.
Chargin’ Chuck: This level’s a mess!
How am I supposed to make it through tons of dirt and a bunch of Mega
Moles?!
Banzai Bill finds the secret exit in Valley Ghost House, as he accidentally bumped a wall, went flying upward, and barreled through the secret door, which was turned on when a P Switch was bumped by the shaking floor.
Larry: Basically, Banzai Bill is making this a complete blowout.
Crazy Packers Fan: He skipped an important secret exit, though...
Meanwhile, Chargin’ Chuck charges through Valley of Bowser 1, then moves on to a ruined Valley of Bowser 2.
Chargin’ Chuck: Hey, I just remembered! There’s a secret exit here, and since this level’s practically ruined, I’ll find it in no time.
Sure enough, Chargin’ Chuck somehow
finds the secret exit in no time and ends up at Valley Fortress at the
same time Banzai Bill is entering Larry’s
Castle.
Banzai Bill: Another place to wreck...
Larry: MY CASTLE!!! HE’S RUINING IT!!! STOP THE CONTEST!!!
Crazy Packers Fan: Oh, come on. You know that no matter how many times Mario kills you, you’re still alive. The same thing goes for levels, castles, and fortresses.
Larry: Oh, yeah. I forgot that we’re still living on the side of fantasy.
Crazy Packers Fan: There is a fine line between fantasy and reality, and it’s right here.
Mr. Game & Watch: Beep beep, beep-
Crazy Packers Fan: Oh, you don’t know anything!
Larry: Look at Chargin’ Chuck!
Chargin’ Chuck has made his way through the Valley Fortress and is fighting Reznor.
Chargin’ Chuck: Reznor’s a moron!
Chargin’ Chuck gets blasted with four fireballs at the same time.
Chargin’ Chuck: That’s an honor! I meant it as a compliment!
In the meantime, Banzai Bill has managed to ruin Larry’s Castle, but he’s held up by having to watch the stupid celebration of Larry’s Castle being destroyed.
Banzai Bill: Well, it’s not all bad. I like the music here...
Chargin’ Chuck somehow beats Reznor, if only by barely holding onto the moving and spinning platforms.
Chargin’ Chuck: That was close.
Both Banzai Bill and Chargin’ Chuck
head into Bowser’s Castle at the same time, with Banzai Bill going
through the Front Door and Chargin’
Chuck going through the Back Door.
Chargin’ Chuck: I’m way ahead now!
Chargin’ Chuck charges right into a lava pit.
Chargin’ Chuck: I spoke too soon again...
Banzai Bill chooses route two and blasts
right by the big fence. Then he goes to route five and blasts right
through the long stone, spiky walls
that fall, as well as the Thwomps. He then ends up at the Back Door, right
behind Chargin’ Chuck, who has just climbed out of the lava pit he fell
into.
Larry: Looks like a close match now.
Crazy Packers Fan: Perhaps. We’ll see whether it will be close or not in a moment.
Banzai Bill crushes the rest of the Back Door area, with Chargin’ Chuck chasing him desperately. Out comes a fake Bowser in a Koopa Clown Car.
Fake Bowser: You cannot defeat-
Banzai Bill rams the Koopa Clown Car, completely destroying it and its occupant, a mere Goomba. However, Chargin’ Chuck is standing on Banzai Bill’s nose, punching everything in sight, including the Goomba.
Crazy Packers Fan: Chargin’ Chuck wins! #1 Chargin’ Chuck is the Super Mario World Minions Champion!
Banzai Bill and Chargin’ Chuck go through a pipe and come out at Wario Stadium.
Banzai Bill: How did he win?
Crazy Packers Fan: Although you did most of the work, he did punch away the Goomba, so he wins!
Chargin’ Chuck: Yeah, I punched the fake Bowser, which is what I needed to do to win!
Crazy Packers Fan: Now for the final match of this round: #1 Tony vs #3 Fiery for the Super Mario Brothers Three Championship!
Tony: Finally, time for my conquest!
Fiery: I’m ready for the upset!
Crazy Packers Fan: We’ll be making this a grand voyage through the Kero Sewers of Super Mario RPG. Whoever finds their way to the exit first wins!
Tony: Sounds fair enough.
Fiery: We have no idea where we’re going...
Crazy Packers Fan: Larry? Roy?
Larry: This is a definite win for Tony, as he will surely pull off a great triumph.
Roy: Go with the underdog this time. Fiery’s been a wild card since the beginning, and I think he’ll pull this one off.
Crazy Packers Fan: Ready, set, go!
Tony and Fiery jump into a warp pipe, starting the race.
Tony: Time to end this before it starts...
Tony grabs a nearby rat and throws it at Fiery. Then, he picks up Fiery and tosses him into the water.
Tony: Now I’m ahead big time!
As Fiery tries to swim away, Tony starts to charge through the pipe maze.
Tony: I don’t know exactly where I’m going, but I’ll find out soon.
Tony bumps into a ghost, starting a battle.
Tony: What is this Boo?
Boo slaps Tony, hardly hurting him. Tony then hammers the Boo with his hammer, knocking out the Boo. Then he hurries along.
Tony: This is easy!
Meanwhile, Fiery is still swimming.
Fiery: I don’t like water to begin with, as I have hydrophobia. Water hurts my fireballing skills. But I can’t get out of this river, so I’m sort of stuck.
Tony charges up a long platform, going into the highest pipe. He comes out on top of a pyramid-like surface, and goes down and jumps across the river, laughing at Fiery as he goes. Suddenly, a rat bumps into him, starting a battle.
Tony: Time for your destruction too!
The rat poisons Tony, making him run around in circles.
Tony: Help! Help!
Fiery: (from the water) What, is the big bad Sledge Brother afraid of a little mouse?
Tony: I thought you couldn’t swim!
Fiery: A fine time to bring that up. I’m drowning!
As Fiery desperately tries to stay afloat, Tony finishes off the rat with a hammering. He then goes through a pipe and to a bunch of ghosts.
Tony: Not more of these!
Boo: Let’s go!
Tony and some Boos start a battle. The
Boos all use strange attacks on Tony, making him pretty woozy. He
then hammers each and every one of
them at once.
Boo: You can’t do that!
Tony: I hate RPGs!
Tony happens to bump a ! Switch.
Tony: What was that?
The water drains, and the once-drowning
Fiery falls into a previously-underwater pipe. He then comes out
in an area above Tony, with a lone
pipe looming ahead.
Fiery: I wonder what’s in this pipe?
Fiery comes out at a finish line and crosses it.
Crazy Packers Fan: Fiery is the winner! #3 Fiery is Super Mario Bros. 3 Minions Champion!
Fiery and Tony both enter warp pipes and come out at Wario Stadium.
Tony: Cheap loss! I did all the work, just like Banzai Bill did!
Fiery: But you cheated, and it paid off for me!
Roy: I was right again!
Larry: I’ve been wrong every time this week...
Crazy Packers Fan: As Roy, Chargin’
Chuck, and Fiery all win this week, they join the Final Four of Mario
Madness, which looks like this:
Roy vs Chargin’ Chuck
Fiery vs Sandslash
Here’s how the voting went, for those of you who care:
Roy 7-2
Chargin’ Chuck 4-3
Fiery 4-3
Next week, we’ll have the Final Four
contests, which will determine who gets to be in the Top Two, the
championship game, for one million
coins, a golden trophy, and notoriety among Lemmy’s Land forever! Until
then, this is Crazy Packers Fan, saying so long for Roy, Larry, and Mr.
Game & Watch!
Mr. Game & Watch: Beep!
Larry: Those are fighting words, flat man!
Roy: Shut up and good night!