Round 5 (Final Four)
Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome back to Round 5 of Mario Madness, the Final Four! Only four players remain in Mario Madness, who have all proved they are the best in their respective decisions. Now, they battle to see who goes to the Top Two to fight for the championship!
Roy: Am I supposed to be excited?
Crazy Packers Fan: We’ll get started right away, with the Mario/Koopas champion, Roy, taking on the Super Mario World Minions champion, Chargin’ Chuck!
Chargin’ Chuck: I’m sick of your orders, fat Koopa!
Roy: Hey, at least I don’t shake my head as much as you do when you get knocked out!
Chargin’ Chuck: It’s better than becoming flat!
Roy: It takes three hits to kill me!
Chargin’ Chuck: Same with me, moron!
Roy: But you can be killed with fireballs!
Crazy Packers Fan: Alright, save your trash-talking for later. Right now, we’ve got to start the first match of the day! This will be a three part contest: first you will go through a Sub-con obstacle course, then you will race on a broken bridge full of Paratroopas, then finally play a one-minute game of football for the win. For each win, you get one point. Ready?
Roy: Sure!
Chargin’ Chuck: No contest!
Crazy Packers Fan: First, we need Larry’s prediction.
Larry: Chargin’ Chuck will upset Roy, no contest!
Crazy Packers Fan: All right. The course is right over there! Go!
Roy and Chargin’ Chuck race to the obstacle course, but it really can’t be called a race, considering Roy’s running is more like tiptoeing compared to Chargin’ Chuck’s running.
Roy: Wait for me!
Chargin’ Chuck: Stop joking around, moron!
Chargin’ Chuck grabs a Shy Guy and tosses it at Roy.
Roy: I’ll get you for this!
Chargin’ Chuck runs as fast as he can,
knocking out several Snifits and barely sneaking underneath some
jumping Ninjis.
Roy: Get back here, you moron!
Chargin’ Chuck: Use your own insult, imbecile!
Roy: I’m not wasting my breath insulting you anymore, you idiot!
Chargin’ Chuck keeps running, right
into a humongous Triclyde, bigger than any other snake Plit has ever
seen.
Crazy Packers Fan: I forgot to mention, some of those Sub-con Park guys are here.
Chargin’ Chuck: Great time to tell me that!
Larry: You may be behind, but look at Roy!
Roy is gasping for air, not even at the obstacle course yet.
Chargin’ Chuck: I’ve got no opponent!
Chargin’ Chuck gets up and avoids some
hopping Tweeters, while Roy finally crawls on to the obstacle
course.
Roy: I’m a little out of shape... *sigh*
Chargin’ Chuck kicks a snapping Cobrat at Roy, while running to the finish line.
Larry: While Roy is recovering from that snake bite, Chargin’ Chuck is inches from the finish line!
Roy: Good thing I know Cobrat poison is only posionous to the Marios!
Chargin’ Chuck trips, right before the finish line.
Roy: Now’s my chance!
Roy starts running as fast as he can,
then jumps on to an Autobomb, just as Chargin’ Chuck gets up. The
Autobomb is speeding towards the finish
line, when-
BOOM!!!
Crazy Packers Fan: Chargin’ Chuck wins!
Larry: What happened?
Chargin’ Chuck: I won?!
Roy: Ouch...
Crazy Packers Fan: The Autobomb ran into a gigantic Albatoss flying low.
Chargin’ Chuck: That wouldn’t make that explosion!
Crazy Packers Fan: The Albatoss was holding a big Bob-omb, too.
Chargin’ Chuck: Oh!
Crazy Packers Fan: That makes the score of this battle 1-0!
Roy: But, according to law #1 of all
three part contests in any story, television show, or movie, the loser
of
the first must win the second and the
third!
Larry: Very true, Roy...
Crazy Packers Fan: Time for the broken bridge race!
Roy: Let me get there before we start!
Chargin’ Chuck: I’ll even let Roy have a head start!
Roy: Thank you, pal! I mean, uh, um-
Chargin’ Chuck: Don’t mention it!
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
Roy takes the early lead thanks to his head start and keeps dodging Paratroopas.
Chargin’ Chuck: I’m going to regret that head start. I know it!
Chargin’ Chuck kicks a football at Roy, but it only boosts him farther.
Roy: Thanks for the more help!
Chargin’ Chuck throws a baseball at Roy, but it gives him an extra boost again.
Roy: Thanks again!
Chargin’ Chuck tosses a rock at Roy, and this time it knocks him over.
Roy: Ow...
Chargin’ Chuck: Finally!
Chargin’ Chuck jumps over Roy and starts heading for a win.
Roy: Oh no!
Chargin’ Chuck gets nailed by a Paratroopa, making him grab on to the edge of part of the broken bridge.
Roy: Yes!
Roy jumps over Chargin’ Chuck and kicks at hisfingers, which are barely holding on to the bridge.
Chargin’ Chuck: I wish I could use the Force now...
A Paratroopa knocks into Roy, making him grab thebridge, right next to Chargin’ Chuck.
Roy: Say, what’s below us?
Chargin’ Chuck: I don’t even want to know!
Roy: Why don’t you look and find out?
Chargin’ Chuck: No! I’m not that dumb.
Roy starts trying to kick Chargin’ Chuck,
and Chargin’ Chuck starts trying to return the favor to Roy. Both
miss badly.
Roy: Hey, what’s that music I’m hearing?
Chargin’ Chuck: Oh no! It’s the Luigi’s Mansion music!
As the music repeats a thousand times
over, Roy and Chargin’ Chuck still can’t boost themselves up to the
bridge.
Roy: I can’t even pull myself up there!
Chargin’ Chuck: Neither can I!
Roy: Who’s making that music?
Chargin’ Chuck: Probably that stupid flat man!
Larry smiles, but says nothing.
Roy: There has to be an end to this madness!
Chargin’ Chuck: Right.
Chargin’ Chuck lets go of the bridge.
Roy: Boy, that was dumb!
Chargin’ Chuck falls toward a trampoline that is below the bridges, shooting back up.
Roy: I mean smart!
Chargin’ Chuck hits Roy on the way up,
and he ends up grabbing Roy. Roy then flies out of Chargin’ Chuck’s
grasp and over the finish line.
Crazy Packers Fan: Roy wins!
Roy: Yes! I told everyone so!
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s one for Roy
and one for Chargin’ Chuck! Time for the one-minute football game!
I’ll flip a coin, and whoever loses
has to kick to the opponent. Then-
Chargin’ Chuck: We very well know how to play football.
Crazy Packers Fan: Call the toss, Roy!
Roy: Since the one who calls it is always wrong, I’ll let Chargin’ Chuck call it!
Chargin’ Chuck: I’m not calling it!
Crazy Packers Fan: Both of you call it!
Roy: Heads!
Chargin’ Chuck: Tails!
Of course, the coin lands on its edge.
Crazy Packers Fan: Call it again!
Roy: Heads!
Chargin’ Chuck: Heads!
The coin lands on tails.
Crazy Packers Fan: All right, I’ll flip the coin to find out who should call the toss. Roy, what’s your call?
Roy: Heads!
The coin lands on tails.
Crazy Packers Fan: Now, Chargin’ Chuck must call it!
Chargin’ Chuck: Heads!
The coin lands on tails.
Crazy Packers Fan: Roy gets the ball first!
Roy: I outsmarted you there!
Chargin’ Chuck: Moron!
Roy: Think of your own word!
Chargin’ Chuck: That was my own word first!
Roy: Think of a different one anyway!
Crazy Packers Fan: Stop your imbecility and get going with the football game!
Chargin’ Chuck kicks the ball off. Roy catches it and starts to run up the field, right at Chargin’ Chuck.
Chargin’ Chuck: He thinks he’s going to knock me over. Well, then, he’s in for a big surprise!
Roy bowls Chargin’ Chuck over.
Chargin’ Chuck: The surprise is that I allowed him to do it!
Crazy Packers Fan: Touchdown, Roy! With
the clock stopped at 45 seconds to go, Roy may kick the extra
point or go for two!
Roy: I’ll kick it!
Roy makes the extra point by dropkicking the ball between the goal posts.
Crazy Packers Fan: Now Roy must kick off!
Roy kicks off, and Chargin’ Chuck catches
it. Chargin’ Chuck starts running up the field at Roy. This time,
Roy tackles Chargin’ Chuck.
Crazy Packers Fan: The clock is stopped at 35 seconds to go! First down for Chargin’ Chuck!
Chargin’ Chuck: How do I start the play without a center to snap me the ball?
Crazy Packers Fan: Just yell “hike”!
Chargin’ Chuck: Okay... hike!
Roy rams Chargin’ Chuck into the ground.
Chargin’ Chuck: Ow...
Crazy Packers Fan: 30 seconds to go and the clock is still running! Second down!
Chargin’ Chuck: Hike!
This time, Chargin’ Chuck tosses the
ball over Roy’s head before Roy nails him into the ground, which stops
the clock at 25 seconds to go.
Crazy Packers Fan: Third down!
Chargin’ Chuck: Hike!
This time, Chargin’ Chuck runs backwards
as fast as he can, then starts to try to fake Roy out. He jukes Roy
until Roy falls over, then starts to
run past him.
Chargin’ Chuck: I’m homefree now!
As Roy starts to get up, Chargin’ Chuck trips over him.
Crazy Packers Fan: Only 20 seconds to go! Fourth down!
Chargin’ Chuck: Hike!
Chargin’ Chuck throws the ball up, hoping
to run around Roy and catch it. Just as the ball is about to
make it over Roy’s head, Roy jumps
up and swats the ball down.
Roy: You can’t beat me!
The ball floats into Chargin’ Chuck’s
outstretched arms, and the football-playing turtle runs all the way
into the end zone, leaving only 1 second
to go and the clock stopped.
Crazy Packers Fan: Will Chargin’ Chuck kick the extra point or go for two?
Chargin’ Chuck: I’m going for broke!
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay, this is a two-point conversion. It is like any other play, except for the fact that you start from the two-yard line and must make it into the end zone, and if you do, you get two points, but if you don’t, you don’t get any. The entire tournament could come down to this one play for both of you! No pressure, of course.
Roy: Right.
Chargin’ Chuck: I’m ready!
Crazy Packers Fan: The clock does not run on this play. Go ahead!
Chargin’ Chuck: Hike!
Roy charges Chargin’ Chuck, forcing
him to fumble the ball. The ball sits on the ground alone, with Roy on
top of Chargin’ Chuck.
Roy: Hey! Where’s the ball?
Chargin’ Chuck: Don’t ask me!
Roy scrambles to pick up the ball, but
as he tries to scoop it up, he accidentally misses it, and the ball
flips into Chargin’ Chuck’s outstretched
arms, again. Chargin’ Chuck takes it in for two!
Chargin’ Chuck: Who’s winning now?!
Crazy Packers Fan: It’s Chargin’ Chuck
8, Roy 7, with only one second left to be played. As soon as that ball
is kicked, the clock starts. The play
continues on even after the clock hits 0:00, until Roy is tackled, goes
out of bounds, or scores.
Roy: Yeah, we know. Let’s go, Chuck!
Chargin’ Chuck: You’ve called me worse names, but I’ll kick it anyway.
Chargin’ Chuck kicks the ball right to Roy. Roy catches it and starts to run toward the sidelines, not stepping out of bounds. Chargin’ Chuck pushes Roy. Roy trips, fumbling the ball, but then picks it up again. He is now past Chargin’ Chuck and is only ten yards away from the end zone.
Chargin’ Chuck: Time to turn it on!
Chargin’ Chuck catches up with Roy and
grabs him, only one yard from the end zone. Roy struggles, trying to
wrestle Chargin’ Chuck off. He stretches
his arm with the ball out as far as he can, trying to get across the goal
line.
Larry: Can he make it across? Can he?
Roy: Oh, shut up! I can’t stand the suspense!
Roy drops the ball as he is talking, and Chargin’ Chuck picks it up. Roy tackles him, ending the game with Chargin’ Chuck winning.
Crazy Packers Fan: The winner is... Chargin’ Chuck! He moves on to the finals!
Roy: Hey, wait! I want an instant replay! I think I stretched the ball over the goal line!
Crazy Packers Fan: Should we give him a replay, Larry?
Larry: Go ahead. It’s not going to change anything, as I never saw that ball go over the goal line.
Crazy Packers Fan looks at the instant replay, then finally comes up with a decision.
Crazy Packers Fan: After reviewing the play...
Everyone holds their breath.
Crazy Packers Fan: ... the ruling on the field stands! Chargin’ Chuck is the winner!
Everyone breathes out.
Roy: WHAT?!
Chargin’ Chuck: YES! One more win!
Crazy Packers Fan: Now we must move on to the second match of today’s Final Four!
Roy: Wait a minute! I want to protest this! Get your committee together and let’s vote on it!
Crazy Packers Fan: Larry! Mr. Game & Watch! Oh, yeah, you’re part of it too, Roy.
Roy: That’s right! My vote is for Roy!
Larry: Mine is for Chargin’ Chuck!
Crazy Packers Fan: It all comes down to Mr. Game & Watch. What’s the call?
Mr. Game & Watch: BEEP!!!
Roy: NO!!!
Larry: That’s right! Chargin’ Chuck wins!
Crazy Packers Fan: I’ll take your word for it. Chargin’ Chuck still wins!
Roy: Don’t worry, I’m not letting this opportunity just slip by. I’ll be back later!
Crazy Packers Fan: So he thinks. On to the next match, which is the Super Mario Brothers Three Champion Fiery vs the Super Koopas Champion Sandslash!
Fiery: I can’t lose!
Sandslash: Don’t be so sure of that!
Crazy Packers Fan: After Sandslash came
out of nowhere to knock out everyone I didn’t think he could, he’s
somehow here in the Final Four, about
to take on the Fire Brother that everyone loves- Fiery!
Fiery: That’s right!
Crazy Packers Fan: Somehow only one more person thinks Fiery’s better than his old, ugly uncle Tony-
Tony: I resemble that remark!
Fiery: That phrase has been used up already!
Tony: Oh! Uh, let me think of a new one- end transmission! No, wedding cake! No, cheese! No, Rob! Man, all I can think of is stupid reoccuring jokes!
Crazy Packers Fan: What are you doing here anyway, Tony?
Tony: I’m here to cheer on Fiery!
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s a surprise. Unless he has a thousand coins bet on Fiery...
Tony: I’m not telling you!
Crazy Packers Fan: Now this challenge
is a bit easier than the last one. First, I have a field of Wigglers prepared
for you. The first one through there gets one point. Then, there’s a pipe
maze waiting for you, and
the one across the finish line gets
one point. Finally, there’s a big surprise waiting at the end. We know
whoever wins the first one will lose the second one, so we could skip them...
Sandslash: No, let’s have some fun first. Ha ha ha...
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
Sandslash and Fiery race to the field
of Wigglers. Sandslash sees a block hanging overhead and hits it. A
Starman appears.
Sandslash: Time for some fun!
Sandslash grabs the Starman, or Star,
or Invincibility Star, or Super Star- depending on what Nintendo wants
to call it- and runs through the Wiggler
field with no trouble at all, crossing the finish line in about nine seconds.
Sandslash: I say 8.79 seconds!
Crazy Packers Fan: Sandslash wins the first point! On to the second point!
Fiery: Was there even a first game?
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
The confused Fiery follows Sandslash
into a pipe. Then the two split up, entering any pipe they see. After
about thirty minutes, each of them
comes out at the beginning.
Fiery: This is impossible!
Sandslash: There’s got to be some other way out of here!
Both jump back in the first pipe. They come out again at the field of pipes. Sandslash scurries over to a pipe on the far right, while Fiery jumps in one on the far left. Each comes out at the pipe the other entered.
Crazy Packers Fan: Having fun?
Sandslash: If I wasn’t racing right now, I’d come down there and punch you!
Crazy Packers Fan: I’d like to see you try!
Sandslash jumps down towards Crazy Packers
Fan. At that moment, Fiery finds the right pipe and crosses
the finish line.
Crazy Packers Fan: Fiery wins the second point, making it one to one! On to the final challenge!
Sandslash runs right into Chargin’ Chuck.
Sandslash: Goodbye!
Sandslash takes off towards a little fenced-in area that Fiery is standing in, as Fiery jumped back in the pipe he was just in and then in the other pipe that led him back to the beginning.
Crazy Packers Fan: Your final challenge is-
Roy: WAIT!!!
Roy comes running, with the five other Koopalings (not Larry) following him.
Roy: These five have seen the replay, and they are going to give their honest opinion on who won.
Crazy Packers Fan: Should we let them, Larry?
Larry: Sure, why not?
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay. What are your votes?
Lemmy: Chargin’ Chuck obviously won!
Roy: Hey, you changed your vote!
Wendy: Yeah, it was obviously Chargin’ Chuck.
Roy: Losers! Come on, Morton!
Morton: The obvious, easy-to-see winner, victor was Roy!
Roy: As for you, Ludwig?
Ludwig: Unaided, one has much difficulty taking a view at the victor of this contest, and one must contemplate the decision wholeheartedly. From what I have seen, I choose Roy!
Roy: Iggy, it’s up to you!
Iggy: I’ve been threatened with beat-ups
and bribed with tacos from Roy, so my pick is obviously going to
be...
Crazy Packers Fan: Yes?
Iggy: Chargin’ Chuck!
Roy: Iggy! I’ll get you later!
Crazy Packers Fan: So Chargin’ Chuck still wins!
Roy: I’ll be back, again!
Crazy Packers Fan: *sigh* Now here’s
the final game of the Fiery-Sandslash match. Each of them will face
hundreds of Dry Bones, but they cannot
kill one of them or stomp on one of them. Whoever kills or stomps
the first Dry Bones loses, and you
also lose if you leave the fenced-in area. Ready?
Fiery: Not quite.
Sandslash: I don’t like this.
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
Dry Bones start pouring in out of a
pipe. Fiery and Sandslash each stand in a corner. They start to get
pounded by tons of flying bones.
Fiery: Stop it!
Sandslash: I really don’t like this now!
So many Dry Bones come in that they are falling over the fences.
Fiery: I’ve had it!
Fiery starts shooting fireballs. Of course, fireballs have no effect on Dry Bones.
Fiery: Hey, this might not be a bad idea!
Fiery starts spitting fireballs in Sandslash’s
direction. A few of them bounce off the ground and hit
Sandslash.
Sandslash: Who did that? Oh, it’s that Fire Brother! I’ll get him!
Sandslash digs a hole and dives in it,
then burrows over to Fiery and comes up underneath him. Fiery goes
flying into the air.
Fiery: Oh no!
Sandslash starts to laugh as he sees Fiery about to land on a Dry Bones.
Sandslash: Look at my intelligence!
Fiery goes flying over the Dry Bones and out of the fenced-in area.
Sandslash: Fiery’s out of the arena! I win!
Crazy Packers Fan: Actually, since you
pushed him out, it is not his fault. You do not lose, and neither does
he. Fiery must come back into the fenced-in
area.
Fiery crawls in, having practically no room to stand or even lie.
Fiery: I’ve had just about enough of this!
Fiery falls into the hole Sandslash made.
Fiery: I’m safe here!
Dry Bones start to pour on him.
Fiery: NO!!!
Fiery keeps crawling, barely escaping
from the Dry Bones. He finally gets trapped between the soil and a
bunch of Dry Bones.
Fiery: Help! Help!
Sandslash hears Fiery and starts to laugh. He laughs so hard that he bumps a Dry Bones... and crushes it.
Crazy Packers Fan: Sandslash has crushed a Dry Bones! Fiery wins!
Fiery, still unable to hear Crazy Packers
Fan, madly punches and kicks the Dry Bones and comes out of the
ground.
Fiery: I hate to say it, but I just lost.
Crazy Packers Fan: No, you didn’t, Sandslash has crushed a Dry Bones before you did! You win!
Fiery: Yahoo!
Sandslash: That’s... so... cheap... All that work, and I lose? That’s no fair whatsoever!
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s the way it
is here in Mario Madness! Now let’s see... oh, yes, it’s Chargin’ Chuck
vs Fiery for the Mario Madness Championship!
It will be the biggest sporting event on Plit since the Mushroom Games
final, as Chargin’ Chuck and Fiery go at it in a seven part final!
Roy: You mean Roy and Fiery!
Crazy Packers Fan: What?
Roy: I have my Sky Land army together, and I’m declaring war on Chargin’ Chuck!
A whole bunch of Paratroopas, Paragoombas, Parabeetles, Fire Chomps, and Lakitus stands next to Roy.
Chargin’ Chuck: I’ll take care of this!
Chargin’ Chuck jumps, and ten other
Chargin’ Chucks suddenly appear, right next to the Chargin’ Chuck in
Mario Madness..
Chargin’ Chuck: Charge!
The Sky Land army flies into the air and away, back to Sky Land, while the eleven Chargin’ Chucks all attack Roy.
Roy: This reminds me of old times. Stop it! STOP!!!
Crazy Packers Fan: You know, a little
bit of nostalgia never hurts. Well, whether Roy likes it or not, it’s Chargin’
Chuck vs Fiery for the Mario Madness Championship, and the Mario Madness
Cup! We’ll see you
next time, which will most likely be
next week. Well, at least Larry, Mr. Game & Watch, and I will see you!
Roy: Very funny, very funny! Now get these guys off me! Arrrrrgh...