Mario Madness

By Crazy Packers Fan

Round 5 (Final Four)

Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome back to Round 5 of Mario Madness, the Final Four! Only four players remain in Mario Madness, who have all proved they are the best in their respective decisions. Now, they battle to see who goes to the Top Two to fight for the championship!

Roy: Am I supposed to be excited?

Crazy Packers Fan: Weíll get started right away, with the Mario/Koopas champion, Roy, taking on the Super Mario World Minions champion, Charginí Chuck!

Charginí Chuck: Iím sick of your orders, fat Koopa!

Roy: Hey, at least I donít shake my head as much as you do when you get knocked out!

Charginí Chuck: Itís better than becoming flat!

Roy: It takes three hits to kill me!

Charginí Chuck: Same with me, moron!

Roy: But you can be killed with fireballs!

Crazy Packers Fan: Alright, save your trash-talking for later. Right now, weíve got to start the first match of the day! This will be a three part contest: first you will go through a Sub-con obstacle course, then you will race on a broken bridge full of Paratroopas, then finally play a one-minute game of football for the win. For each win, you get one point. Ready?

Roy: Sure!

Charginí Chuck: No contest!

Crazy Packers Fan: First, we need Larryís prediction.

Larry: Charginí Chuck will upset Roy, no contest!

Crazy Packers Fan: All right. The course is right over there! Go!

Roy and Charginí Chuck race to the obstacle course, but it really canít be called a race, considering Royís running is more like tiptoeing compared to Charginí Chuckís running.

Roy: Wait for me!

Charginí Chuck: Stop joking around, moron!

Charginí Chuck grabs a Shy Guy and tosses it at Roy.

Roy: Iíll get you for this!

Charginí Chuck runs as fast as he can, knocking out several Snifits and barely sneaking underneath some
jumping Ninjis.

Roy: Get back here, you moron!

Charginí Chuck: Use your own insult, imbecile!

Roy: Iím not wasting my breath insulting you anymore, you idiot!

Charginí Chuck keeps running, right into a humongous Triclyde, bigger than any other snake Plit has ever

Crazy Packers Fan: I forgot to mention, some of those Sub-con Park guys are here.

Charginí Chuck: Great time to tell me that!

Larry: You may be behind, but look at Roy!

Roy is gasping for air, not even at the obstacle course yet.

Charginí Chuck: Iíve got no opponent!

Charginí Chuck gets up and avoids some hopping Tweeters, while Roy finally crawls on to the obstacle

Roy: Iím a little out of shape... *sigh*

Charginí Chuck kicks a snapping Cobrat at Roy, while running to the finish line.

Larry: While Roy is recovering from that snake bite, Charginí Chuck is inches from the finish line!

Roy: Good thing I know Cobrat poison is only posionous to the Marios!

Charginí Chuck trips, right before the finish line.

Roy: Nowís my chance!

Roy starts running as fast as he can, then jumps on to an Autobomb, just as Charginí Chuck gets up. The
Autobomb is speeding towards the finish line, when-


Crazy Packers Fan: Charginí Chuck wins!

Larry: What happened?

Charginí Chuck: I won?!

Roy: Ouch...

Crazy Packers Fan: The Autobomb ran into a gigantic Albatoss flying low.

Charginí Chuck: That wouldnít make that explosion!

Crazy Packers Fan: The Albatoss was holding a big Bob-omb, too.

Charginí Chuck: Oh!

Crazy Packers Fan: That makes the score of this battle 1-0!

Roy: But, according to law #1 of all three part contests in any story, television show, or movie, the loser of
the first must win the second and the third!

Larry: Very true, Roy...

Crazy Packers Fan: Time for the broken bridge race!

Roy: Let me get there before we start!

Charginí Chuck: Iíll even let Roy have a head start!

Roy: Thank you, pal! I mean, uh, um-

Charginí Chuck: Donít mention it!

Crazy Packers Fan: Go!

Roy takes the early lead thanks to his head start and keeps dodging Paratroopas.

Charginí Chuck: Iím going to regret that head start. I know it!

Charginí Chuck kicks a football at Roy, but it only boosts him farther.

Roy: Thanks for the more help!

Charginí Chuck throws a baseball at Roy, but it gives him an extra boost again.

Roy: Thanks again!

Charginí Chuck tosses a rock at Roy, and this time it knocks him over.

Roy: Ow...

Charginí Chuck: Finally!

Charginí Chuck jumps over Roy and starts heading for a win.

Roy: Oh no!

Charginí Chuck gets nailed by a Paratroopa, making him grab on to the edge of part of the broken bridge.

Roy: Yes!

Roy jumps over Charginí Chuck and kicks at hisfingers, which are barely holding on to the bridge.

Charginí Chuck: I wish I could use the Force now...

A Paratroopa knocks into Roy, making him grab thebridge, right next to Charginí Chuck.

Roy: Say, whatís below us?

Charginí Chuck: I donít even want to know!

Roy: Why donít you look and find out?

Charginí Chuck: No! Iím not that dumb.

Roy starts trying to kick Charginí Chuck, and Charginí Chuck starts trying to return the favor to Roy. Both
miss badly.

Roy: Hey, whatís that music Iím hearing?

Charginí Chuck: Oh no! Itís the Luigiís Mansion music!

As the music repeats a thousand times over, Roy and Charginí Chuck still canít boost themselves up to the

Roy: I canít even pull myself up there!

Charginí Chuck: Neither can I!

Roy: Whoís making that music?

Charginí Chuck: Probably that stupid flat man!

Larry smiles, but says nothing.

Roy: There has to be an end to this madness!

Charginí Chuck: Right.

Charginí Chuck lets go of the bridge.

Roy: Boy, that was dumb!

Charginí Chuck falls toward a trampoline that is below the bridges, shooting back up.

Roy: I mean smart!

Charginí Chuck hits Roy on the way up, and he ends up grabbing Roy. Roy then flies out of Charginí Chuckís
grasp and over the finish line.

Crazy Packers Fan: Roy wins!

Roy: Yes! I told everyone so!

Crazy Packers Fan: Thatís one for Roy and one for Charginí Chuck! Time for the one-minute football game!
Iíll flip a coin, and whoever loses has to kick to the opponent. Then-

Charginí Chuck: We very well know how to play football.

Crazy Packers Fan: Call the toss, Roy!

Roy: Since the one who calls it is always wrong, Iíll let Charginí Chuck call it!

Charginí Chuck: Iím not calling it!

Crazy Packers Fan: Both of you call it!

Roy: Heads!

Charginí Chuck: Tails!

Of course, the coin lands on its edge.

Crazy Packers Fan: Call it again!

Roy: Heads!

Charginí Chuck: Heads!

The coin lands on tails.

Crazy Packers Fan: All right, Iíll flip the coin to find out who should call the toss. Roy, whatís your call?

Roy: Heads!

The coin lands on tails.

Crazy Packers Fan: Now, Charginí Chuck must call it!

Charginí Chuck: Heads!

The coin lands on tails.

Crazy Packers Fan: Roy gets the ball first!

Roy: I outsmarted you there!

Charginí Chuck: Moron!

Roy: Think of your own word!

Charginí Chuck: That was my own word first!

Roy: Think of a different one anyway!

Crazy Packers Fan: Stop your imbecility and get going with the football game!

Charginí Chuck kicks the ball off. Roy catches it and starts to run up the field, right at Charginí Chuck.

Charginí Chuck: He thinks heís going to knock me over. Well, then, heís in for a big surprise!

Roy bowls Charginí Chuck over.

Charginí Chuck: The surprise is that I allowed him to do it!

Crazy Packers Fan: Touchdown, Roy! With the clock stopped at 45 seconds to go, Roy may kick the extra
point or go for two!

Roy: Iíll kick it!

Roy makes the extra point by dropkicking the ball between the goal posts.

Crazy Packers Fan: Now Roy must kick off!

Roy kicks off, and Charginí Chuck catches it. Charginí Chuck starts running up the field at Roy. This time,
Roy tackles Charginí Chuck.

Crazy Packers Fan: The clock is stopped at 35 seconds to go! First down for Charginí Chuck!

Charginí Chuck: How do I start the play without a center to snap me the ball?

Crazy Packers Fan: Just yell ďhikeĒ!

Charginí Chuck: Okay... hike!

Roy rams Charginí Chuck into the ground.

Charginí Chuck: Ow...

Crazy Packers Fan: 30 seconds to go and the clock is still running! Second down!

Charginí Chuck: Hike!

This time, Charginí Chuck tosses the ball over Royís head before Roy nails him into the ground, which stops
the clock at 25 seconds to go.

Crazy Packers Fan: Third down!

Charginí Chuck: Hike!

This time, Charginí Chuck runs backwards as fast as he can, then starts to try to fake Roy out. He jukes Roy
until Roy falls over, then starts to run past him.

Charginí Chuck: Iím homefree now!

As Roy starts to get up, Charginí Chuck trips over him.

Crazy Packers Fan: Only 20 seconds to go! Fourth down!

Charginí Chuck: Hike!

Charginí Chuck throws the ball up, hoping to run around Roy and catch it. Just as the ball is about to
make it over Royís head, Roy jumps up and swats the ball down.

Roy: You canít beat me!

The ball floats into Charginí Chuckís outstretched arms, and the football-playing turtle runs all the way
into the end zone, leaving only 1 second to go and the clock stopped.

Crazy Packers Fan: Will Charginí Chuck kick the extra point or go for two?

Charginí Chuck: Iím going for broke!

Crazy Packers Fan: Okay, this is a two-point conversion. It is like any other play, except for the fact that you start from the two-yard line and must make it into the end zone, and if you do, you get two points, but if you donít, you donít get any. The entire tournament could come down to this one play for both of you! No pressure, of course.

Roy: Right.

Charginí Chuck: Iím ready!

Crazy Packers Fan: The clock does not run on this play. Go ahead!

Charginí Chuck: Hike!

Roy charges Charginí Chuck, forcing him to fumble the ball. The ball sits on the ground alone, with Roy on
top of Charginí Chuck.

Roy: Hey! Whereís the ball?

Charginí Chuck: Donít ask me!

Roy scrambles to pick up the ball, but as he tries to scoop it up, he accidentally misses it, and the ball
flips into Charginí Chuckís outstretched arms, again. Charginí Chuck takes it in for two!

Charginí Chuck: Whoís winning now?!

Crazy Packers Fan: Itís Charginí Chuck 8, Roy 7, with only one second left to be played. As soon as that ball
is kicked, the clock starts. The play continues on even after the clock hits 0:00, until Roy is tackled, goes out of bounds, or scores.

Roy: Yeah, we know. Letís go, Chuck!

Charginí Chuck: Youíve called me worse names, but Iíll kick it anyway.

Charginí Chuck kicks the ball right to Roy. Roy catches it and starts to run toward the sidelines, not stepping out of bounds. Charginí Chuck pushes Roy. Roy trips, fumbling the ball, but then picks it up again. He is now past Charginí Chuck and is only ten yards away from the end zone.

Charginí Chuck: Time to turn it on!

Charginí Chuck catches up with Roy and grabs him, only one yard from the end zone. Roy struggles, trying to
wrestle Charginí Chuck off. He stretches his arm with the ball out as far as he can, trying to get across the goal line.

Larry: Can he make it across? Can he?

Roy: Oh, shut up! I canít stand the suspense!

Roy drops the ball as he is talking, and Charginí Chuck picks it up. Roy tackles him, ending the game with Charginí Chuck winning.

Crazy Packers Fan: The winner is... Charginí Chuck! He moves on to the finals!

Roy: Hey, wait! I want an instant replay! I think I stretched the ball over the goal line!

Crazy Packers Fan: Should we give him a replay, Larry?

Larry: Go ahead. Itís not going to change anything, as I never saw that ball go over the goal line.

Crazy Packers Fan looks at the instant replay, then finally comes up with a decision.

Crazy Packers Fan: After reviewing the play...

Everyone holds their breath.

Crazy Packers Fan: ... the ruling on the field stands! Charginí Chuck is the winner!

Everyone breathes out.

Roy: WHAT?!

Charginí Chuck: YES! One more win!

Crazy Packers Fan: Now we must move on to the second match of todayís Final Four!

Roy: Wait a minute! I want to protest this! Get your committee together and letís vote on it!

Crazy Packers Fan: Larry! Mr. Game & Watch! Oh, yeah, youíre part of it too, Roy.

Roy: Thatís right! My vote is for Roy!

Larry: Mine is for Charginí Chuck!

Crazy Packers Fan: It all comes down to Mr. Game & Watch. Whatís the call?

Mr. Game & Watch: BEEP!!!

Roy: NO!!!

Larry: Thatís right! Charginí Chuck wins!

Crazy Packers Fan: Iíll take your word for it. Charginí Chuck still wins!

Roy: Donít worry, Iím not letting this opportunity just slip by. Iíll be back later!

Crazy Packers Fan: So he thinks. On to the next match, which is the Super Mario Brothers Three Champion Fiery vs the Super Koopas Champion Sandslash!

Fiery: I canít lose!

Sandslash: Donít be so sure of that!

Crazy Packers Fan: After Sandslash came out of nowhere to knock out everyone I didnít think he could, heís
somehow here in the Final Four, about to take on the Fire Brother that everyone loves- Fiery!

Fiery: Thatís right!

Crazy Packers Fan: Somehow only one more person thinks Fieryís better than his old, ugly uncle Tony-

Tony: I resemble that remark!

Fiery: That phrase has been used up already!

Tony: Oh! Uh, let me think of a new one- end transmission! No, wedding cake! No, cheese! No, Rob! Man, all I can think of is stupid reoccuring jokes!

Crazy Packers Fan: What are you doing here anyway, Tony?

Tony: Iím here to cheer on Fiery!

Crazy Packers Fan: Thatís a surprise. Unless he has a thousand coins bet on Fiery...

Tony: Iím not telling you!

Crazy Packers Fan: Now this challenge is a bit easier than the last one. First, I have a field of Wigglers prepared for you. The first one through there gets one point. Then, thereís a pipe maze waiting for you, and
the one across the finish line gets one point. Finally, thereís a big surprise waiting at the end. We know whoever wins the first one will lose the second one, so we could skip them...

Sandslash: No, letís have some fun first. Ha ha ha...

Crazy Packers Fan: Go!

Sandslash and Fiery race to the field of Wigglers. Sandslash sees a block hanging overhead and hits it. A
Starman appears.

Sandslash: Time for some fun!

Sandslash grabs the Starman, or Star, or Invincibility Star, or Super Star- depending on what Nintendo wants
to call it- and runs through the Wiggler field with no trouble at all, crossing the finish line in about nine seconds.

Sandslash: I say 8.79 seconds!

Crazy Packers Fan: Sandslash wins the first point! On to the second point!

Fiery: Was there even a first game?

Crazy Packers Fan: Go!

The confused Fiery follows Sandslash into a pipe. Then the two split up, entering any pipe they see. After
about thirty minutes, each of them comes out at the beginning.

Fiery: This is impossible!

Sandslash: Thereís got to be some other way out of here!

Both jump back in the first pipe. They come out again at the field of pipes. Sandslash scurries over to a pipe on the far right, while Fiery jumps in one on the far left. Each comes out at the pipe the other entered.

Crazy Packers Fan: Having fun?

Sandslash: If I wasnít racing right now, Iíd come down there and punch you!

Crazy Packers Fan: Iíd like to see you try!

Sandslash jumps down towards Crazy Packers Fan. At that moment, Fiery finds the right pipe and crosses
the finish line.

Crazy Packers Fan: Fiery wins the second point, making it one to one! On to the final challenge!

Sandslash runs right into Charginí Chuck.

Sandslash: Goodbye!

Sandslash takes off towards a little fenced-in area that Fiery is standing in, as Fiery jumped back in the pipe he was just in and then in the other pipe that led him back to the beginning.

Crazy Packers Fan: Your final challenge is-

Roy: WAIT!!!

Roy comes running, with the five other Koopalings (not Larry) following him.

Roy: These five have seen the replay, and they are going to give their honest opinion on who won.

Crazy Packers Fan: Should we let them, Larry?

Larry: Sure, why not?

Crazy Packers Fan: Okay. What are your votes?

Lemmy: Charginí Chuck obviously won!

Roy: Hey, you changed your vote!

Wendy: Yeah, it was obviously Charginí Chuck.

Roy: Losers! Come on, Morton!

Morton: The obvious, easy-to-see winner, victor was Roy!

Roy: As for you, Ludwig?

Ludwig: Unaided, one has much difficulty taking a view at the victor of this contest, and one must contemplate the decision wholeheartedly. From what I have seen, I choose Roy!

Roy: Iggy, itís up to you!

Iggy: Iíve been threatened with beat-ups and bribed with tacos from Roy, so my pick is obviously going to

Crazy Packers Fan: Yes?

Iggy: Charginí Chuck!

Roy: Iggy! Iíll get you later!

Crazy Packers Fan: So Charginí Chuck still wins!

Roy: Iíll be back, again!

Crazy Packers Fan: *sigh* Now hereís the final game of the Fiery-Sandslash match. Each of them will face
hundreds of Dry Bones, but they cannot kill one of them or stomp on one of them. Whoever kills or stomps
the first Dry Bones loses, and you also lose if you leave the fenced-in area. Ready?

Fiery: Not quite.

Sandslash: I donít like this.

Crazy Packers Fan: Go!

Dry Bones start pouring in out of a pipe. Fiery and Sandslash each stand in a corner. They start to get
pounded by tons of flying bones.

Fiery: Stop it!

Sandslash: I really donít like this now!

So many Dry Bones come in that they are falling over the fences.

Fiery: Iíve had it!

Fiery starts shooting fireballs. Of course, fireballs have no effect on Dry Bones.

Fiery: Hey, this might not be a bad idea!

Fiery starts spitting fireballs in Sandslashís direction. A few of them bounce off the ground and hit

Sandslash: Who did that? Oh, itís that Fire Brother! Iíll get him!

Sandslash digs a hole and dives in it, then burrows over to Fiery and comes up underneath him. Fiery goes
flying into the air.

Fiery: Oh no!

Sandslash starts to laugh as he sees Fiery about to land on a Dry Bones.

Sandslash: Look at my intelligence!

Fiery goes flying over the Dry Bones and out of the fenced-in area.

Sandslash: Fieryís out of the arena! I win!

Crazy Packers Fan: Actually, since you pushed him out, it is not his fault. You do not lose, and neither does
he. Fiery must come back into the fenced-in area.

Fiery crawls in, having practically no room to stand or even lie.

Fiery: Iíve had just about enough of this!

Fiery falls into the hole Sandslash made.

Fiery: Iím safe here!

Dry Bones start to pour on him.

Fiery: NO!!!

Fiery keeps crawling, barely escaping from the Dry Bones. He finally gets trapped between the soil and a
bunch of Dry Bones.

Fiery: Help! Help!

Sandslash hears Fiery and starts to laugh. He laughs so hard that he bumps a Dry Bones... and crushes it.

Crazy Packers Fan: Sandslash has crushed a Dry Bones! Fiery wins!

Fiery, still unable to hear Crazy Packers Fan, madly punches and kicks the Dry Bones and comes out of the

Fiery: I hate to say it, but I just lost.

Crazy Packers Fan: No, you didnít, Sandslash has crushed a Dry Bones before you did! You win!

Fiery: Yahoo!

Sandslash: Thatís... so... cheap... All that work, and I lose? Thatís no fair whatsoever!

Crazy Packers Fan: Thatís the way it is here in Mario Madness! Now letís see... oh, yes, itís Charginí Chuck
vs Fiery for the Mario Madness Championship! It will be the biggest sporting event on Plit since the Mushroom Games final, as Charginí Chuck and Fiery go at it in a seven part final!

Roy: You mean Roy and Fiery!

Crazy Packers Fan: What?

Roy: I have my Sky Land army together, and Iím declaring war on Charginí Chuck!

A whole bunch of Paratroopas, Paragoombas, Parabeetles, Fire Chomps, and Lakitus stands next to Roy.

Charginí Chuck: Iíll take care of this!

Charginí Chuck jumps, and ten other Charginí Chucks suddenly appear, right next to the Charginí Chuck in
Mario Madness..

Charginí Chuck: Charge!

The Sky Land army flies into the air and away, back to Sky Land, while the eleven Charginí Chucks all attack Roy.

Roy: This reminds me of old times. Stop it! STOP!!!

Crazy Packers Fan: You know, a little bit of nostalgia never hurts. Well, whether Roy likes it or not, itís Charginí Chuck vs Fiery for the Mario Madness Championship, and the Mario Madness Cup! Weíll see you
next time, which will most likely be next week. Well, at least Larry, Mr. Game & Watch, and I will see you!

Roy: Very funny, very funny! Now get these guys off me! Arrrrrgh...

Read on!

Comments, suggestions, stories, or story ideas? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Fun Fiction.
Go back to my main page.