Crazy Packers Fan: Thanks for joining
me for my newest strange and stupid contest, here at Wario Stadium!
This is a tournament containing 64
characters who will go one-on-one against each other in crazy mini-games
and try to make their way to the top of the tournament tree, where they
will win one million coins!
Roy: How original.
Crazy Packers Fan: You wouldn’t mind winning, would you?
Roy: No!
Crazy Packers Fan: Then don’t complain! Our bracket is huge and complicated, so I’ll break it into four sections: Super Koopas, Mario/Koopas, SMB3 Minions, and SMW Minions. Each competitor has a seed in their section, from 1 to 16, with 1 being the highest and 16 the lowest. The higher seeds are for better players, in my opinion. The higher seeds get more favorable schedules in the bracket. And-
Lord Seth: Hey, I’d better be #1, because I’ll win every match whether you like it or not!
Crazy Packers Fan: For the Super Koopas,
I just have it in order of most messages sent to me, and then a
little bit of random choices after
the top seven.
Lemmy: Cut the chat and tell us the competitors!
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay, okay, I get the point! I’ll give you all 64 competitors, with their seeds and first-round matchups. Here we go...
Mario/Koopas
#1: Roy vs #16: Waluigi
#8: Wendy vs #9: Susan
#5: Wario vs #12: Toad
#4: Bowser vs #13: Mario
#3: Daisy vs #14: Peach
#6: Ludwig vs #11: Larry
#7: Yoshi vs #10: Iggy
#2: Lemmy vs #15: Luigi
SMW Minions
#1: Chargin’ Chuck vs #16: Thwimp
#8: Mega Mole vs #9: Wiggler
#5:Magikoopa vs #12: Mechakoopa
#4: Reznor vs #13: Porcu-Puffer
#3: Banzai Bill vs #14: Monty Mole
#6: Torpedo Ted vs #11: Blargg
#7: Dry Bones vs #10: Volcano Lotus
#2: Sumo Brother vs #15: Swooper
SMB3 Minions
#1: Tony (Sledge Brother) vs #16: Goomba
#8: Spiny vs #9: Spiny Cheep Cheep
#5: BoomBoom vs #12: Stretch
#4: Hammer (Hammer Brother) vs #13: Hot Foot
#3: Fiery (Fire Brother) vs #14: Big Bertha
#6: Roto Disc vs #11: Jelectro
#7: Thwomp vs #10: Rocky Wrench
#2: Boomer (Boomerang Brother) vs #15: Koopa Troopa
Super Koopas
#1: Misty Koopa vs #16: Lakitu 2000
#8: Smash vs #9: Lil’ Cheep Cheep
#5: Rachelle vs #12: Ludwig 222
#4: Ellie Marie Koopa vs #13: Simon
#3: Lord Seth vs #14: Mewd
#6: Arim vs #11: Da Real Kooky
#7: Richard vs #10: Sandslash
#2: Husky/Washu vs #15: Olivia Koopa
Tony: Oh brother. That’s a lot.
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s right. These 64 will be fighting and clawing their way to the top, trying to win it all!
Jelectro: Bzzt?
Crazy Packers Fan: Except in your case, Jelectro. But let’s get the tournament underway!
Round 1 (64), Part 1
Crazy Packers Fan: We’ll start this tournament by playing our first match, which is a good one: #1 Roy vs #16 Waluigi!
Roy: Good for me, that is!
Waluigi: I’m scared of matches! I thought you aren’t supposed to play with them.
Roy gives one of those sarcastic looks any girl would give after hearing that lame joke.
Crazy Packers Fan: Our first contest
is simple: throw these Grab Blocks at your Big Boo until he explodes.
Whoever’s Boo explodes first wins the
match.
Waluigi: Great! Just what I was afraid of... ghosts!
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
Roy starts throwing all the blocks he sees at the ghost, only to find out that he’s throwing the wrong ones, while Waluigi is hiding behind the pile of real Grab Blocks.
Waluigi: Don’t hurt me!
Roy: You idiot! It won’t come near unless you turn your back on it!
Hearing this, Waluigi picks up the pile
of Grab Blocks and dumps it on a huge ghost twice his annoying
height, which causes it to explode.
Waluigi: Nothing to be scared of!
Crazy Packers Fan: Roy wins!
Waluigi: How?
Crazy Packers Fan: You blew up his ghost instead of your own!
Roy: Yes!
Waluigi: This contest is fixed. Wait, I’m afraid of contests, right?
Crazy Packers Fan: Time for our second
match, #8 Wendy vs #9 Susan! This is one of the biggest rivalries:
the two female Koopalings against each
other!
Wendy: This is a piece of cake!
Susan: Ready to lose, Wendy?
Wendy: I won’t! Now what’s the contest?
Crazy Packers Fan: Tossing these Donut Lifts on the posts over there. The first to get three on her post is the winner! You must stand behind this line.
Wendy: This is like giving candy to a baby! I use rings all the time, and this is a ring toss!
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
Susan tosses all of hers at once, before
Wendy can even pick up one. Since there are 20 of them, a huge
mess of Donut Lifts fills the air,
and then several land on the posts.
Crazy Packers Fan: Three on Susan’s, two on Wendy’s. Susan is the winner!
Susan: Woohoo!
Wendy: How- how- aww...
Crazy Packers Fan: Alright, time for the next match! That is... #5 Wario vs #12 Toad!
Wario: Ha ha ha ha! I’m going to beat up Roy!
Crazy Packers Fan: No comment.
Toad: What’s the game?
Crazy Packers Fan: Weightlifting! The
weights will be measured by the number of Thwomps you lift at once.
Since you’re the lower seed, you’ll
lift first, Toad.
Toad: Okay!
Crazy Packers Fan: How many Thwomps?
Toad: I’ll start with 25!
Wario: This ought to be funny!
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay, they’ll stack up on each other, and then you can attempt to lift them. This is going to be gruesome... I can’t watch...
Toad: Is that all?
Crazy Packers Fan: Wha-?
Toad is lifting the 25 Thwomps high over his head.
Toad: Here, Wario, your turn!
Toad holds up the Thwomps long enough for Wario to get underneath them and hold them with his hands, and then he lets go.
WHAM!!!
Crazy Packers Fan: Toad wins! How do you hold in all that strength, Toad?
Toad: You know very well that I’m the strongest Mushroom on Plit!
Crazy Packers Fan: Well, now I know for sure! But now it’s time for the biggest rivalry in the history of Plit... #4 Bowser vs #13 Mario!
Bowser: Finally, time to beat Mario, for the first time ever!
Crazy Packers Fan: Here’s the game you’ll be playing: Mario Trivia!
Bowser: Ha ha! Mario knows nothing!
Crazy Packers Fan: Whoever gets three right first wins! And here’s the first question. What Koopaling is stupid, lousy, lazy, worthless, useless, and weak?
Bowser: Roy!
Crazy Packers Fan: Wrong! Roy’s not weak! I can’t say he’s not any of the other adjectives, though.
Roy: Hey!
Crazy Packers Fan: Now what’s your response, Mario?
Mario is staring at a Yoshi egg.
Crazy Packers Fan: Mario?!
Mario: Egg!
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s right, Ig, short for Iggy!
Iggy: That’s mean! I’ll get my army of Blarggs after you!
Crazy Packers Fan: Here’s a taco!
Iggy eats the taco.
Iggy: What was I saying?
Crazy Packers Fan: Mario gets one point!
Here’s the second question: What’s the dumbest idea in a Mario
game so far?
Bowser: Mario Golf and Tennis remade for the Cube!
Crazy Packers Fan: Oh, I’m sorry, I said IN a Mario game, not FOR a Mario game. Mario?
Mario is looking at a picture of him and Luigi.
Mario: Mario Brothers!
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s right, Mario
Brothers in SMA2 after it was already in the original Super Mario
Advance! Two for Mario, zero for Bowser!
Bowser: That’s King Koopa to you, Packer!
Crazy Packers Fan: The next question: what item is the most annoying in any Mario game?
Bowser: Ha! I know this one for sure! The Frog Suit!
Crazy Packers Fan: Oh, I’m sorry, that’s incorrect as well. Mario?
Mario is looking at a Feather.
Mario: Leaf!
Crazy Packers Fan: No, that’s incorrect too. The correct answer is the Magic Feather! No one got that one, so now for the next question. What is the first Mario game that had living balls of fire in it?
Bowser: I’ve had it with this game. I’m letting Mario answer first!
Roy: I want to make King Dad lose, so
I’ll give Mario a hint! Hey, Mario, say your name and then the whole
number after two!
Mario: Mario One?
Crazy Packers Fan: Wrong! Bowser?
Bowser: Since Roy just gave me a hand by accident, I know it!
Roy: Rats!
Bowser: Mario 3!
Crazy Packers Fan: Roy’s wrong! Donkey Kong!
Roy: I’m having some bad luck with you today!
Crazy Packers Fan: You won, so be happy.
Now for the NEXT question. What was the first enemy that could
kill a fully-powered-up Mario? And
I don’t mean games where Mario couldn’t get powered-up at all!
Bowser: Boss Bass!
Crazy Packers Fan: Talk about smarts!
Bowser has his first point, and he’s back in this. Now for the NEXT
question! What non-physical difference
is there between a Spiny Cheep Cheep and a normal Cheep Cheep?
Bowser: Non-physical?
Crazy Packers Fan: Yeah, this might
require some brains to figure out that means not spikes and not the
color of its skin!
Bowser: Who knows?!
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s right, no
one knows, because we never see Mario try to step on one outside of
water, because they’re only in one
level, an underwater level! So we’ve got a tie at two points apiece!
Larry: Talk about a great battle.
Crazy Packers Fan: Our final question, hopefully: what do Iggy and King Boo’s Bowser costume have in common?
Bowser: Nothing!
Crazy Packers Fan: What an answer by Bowser!
Bowser: Look at this genius!
Crazy Packers Fan: That had to be one
of the most memorable answers I’ve ever heard! But here’s the best
part about it... you’re wrong.
Bowser: Huh?
Crazy Packers Fan: Mario?
Mario: I have a headache so bad from thinking, my head’s going to come off!
Crazy Packers Fan: What do you know, he’s right! The head comes off!
Iggy: It does?
Crazy Packers Fan: Yeah, don’t you remember Super Mario World and your fire-spitting?
Iggy: It does! But I need a taco.
Crazy Packers Fan: I’m all out of tacos right now. Mario moves on!
Mario: Yippee! Ha ha ha!
Crazy Packers Fan: Time for our next match, complete with the best rivalry in the history of Plit-
Bowser: What about Mario and me?
Crazy Packers Fan: Forget about you two losers! #3 Daisy and #14 Peach!
Daisy: And time for my final conquest!
Crazy Packers Fan: This contest will
be like the old Mario Party mini-game, everyone’s least favorite, Hot
Bob-omb! The only difference is that
there are three Bob-ombs. The one who gets exploded by the least
Bob-ombs wins!
Peach: Easy enough.
Daisy: I’ll win for sure!
Peach: Give me those Bob-ombs first!
Crazy Packers Fan tosses her the three Bob-ombs, which explode on contact.
Daisy: YES!!!
Crazy Packers Fan: The winner is Daisy! On to our next game!
Morton: That was stupid, pointless, moronic...
Ludwig: Where’s the duct tape?
Banzai Bill: That was an awesome explosion!
Peach: Hmph. Packer Guy, you shouldn’t do that to a princess!
Daisy: When I’m finished with my conquest, you will no longer be a princess!
Crazy Packers Fan: This next one will be between #6 Ludwig and #11 Larry!
Ludwig: This shall be the most simple victory for myself ever!
Larry: What is it?
Crazy Packers Fan: The Mario Party 3
mini-game where you stand on this large gear and avoid Bullet Bills.
The one who stays on the gear longer
wins!
The two Koopalings jump on the gear.
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
After 30 seconds of running around in circles, Larry finally realizes that no Bullet Bills have fallen. He falls over in the middle of the gear in exhaustion.
Ludwig: Ha! Now victory will be-
BOOM!!! A Banzai Bill comes crashing
into the gear, sending Ludwig flying. Since Larry was on the ground,
the explosion did not make him fly,
for some strange reason.
Crazy Packers Fan: Larry is the winner!
Larry: I am?
Crazy Packers Fan: On to our next game!
We’ve got a good one: #7 Yoshi vs #10 Iggy! And the contest is
simple: whoever eats the most tacos
in five minutes wins! Go!
Yoshi and Iggy both start eating as many tacos on their plates as possible. 4 minutes and 55 seconds later...
Crazy Packers Fan: 5, 4, 3, 2-
Yoshi slurps Iggy into his mouth.
Crazy Packers Fan: 1, time’s up! Well,
I guess Yoshi wins automatically, because he ate his own tacos and
Iggy’s tacos are in his stomach too!
Yoshi spits out Iggy.
Yoshi: Yay! Yoshi win! But... Yoshi still hungry!
Iggy: I ate more than Yoshi too. That’s not fair.
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s Mario Madness for you! For the final game of the first round of play for the Mario/Koopas bracket, it’s #2 Lemmy vs #15 Luigi!
Lemmy: Oh boy.
Crazy Packers Fan: This is a foot race
- or ball race, in Lemmy’s case - across this shaky bridge to the other
side, where the finish line is! Ready,
set-
Luigi: Hold on! I-a need my vacuum! All right, I got it!
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
Lemmy gets off to a huge lead, but Luigi
pulls out his vacuum and uses it to pull Lemmy’s ball out from
underneath him, causing him to fall,
making a hole in the bridge.
Luigi: Ha ha! Goodbye- WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
Lemmy and Luigi both go flying down
through the hole to a grassy area, but Lemmy pulls out another ball,
causing him to bounce off it and back
up to the bridge, where he slowly rolls to the finish line.
Crazy Packers Fan: Lemmy is the winner!
Luigi: That’s-a cheap!
Crazy Packers Fan: We’re on to the next group of the bracket, Super Mario World Minions!
Chargin’ Chuck: Finally!
Blargg: All right!
Mechakoopa: Huh?
Crazy Packers Fan: So our first match-up is #1 Chargin’ Chuck vs #16 Thwimp!
Chargin’ Chuck: Hmm, some contest.
Thwimp: You can’t beat me!
Crazy Packers Fan: This contest will be the classic Mario Party mini-game Bobsled Run!
Thwimp: Oh no!
Crazy Packers Fan: Mr. Game & Watch and his crew have constructed a large bobsled course, which starts after our little ramp at the beginning. Here are your two bobsleds. Get a running start, then go!
Chargin’ Chuck charges into his bobsled
but can’t get into it, while Thwimp can’t get his bobsled started.
Chargin’ Chuck’s bobsled goes flying
off into nowhere.
Crazy Packers Fan: All right, start in this new bobsled, Chargin’ Chuck, and you take the old one, Thwimp. Get in the bobsled first, and I’ll have a couple of Mr. Game & Watches push you! Go!
The Mr. Game & Watch pushing Chargin’ Chuck goes nowhere, while the one pushing Thwimp gets him going down the track. The bad thing is, since Mr. Game & Watches built it, it’s completely two-dimensional.
Thwimp: AAAAHHHH!!!
Crazy Packers Fan: Hmm, talk about a
flat character. Since Chargin’ Chuck is still in the race, he is the
automatic winner!
Roy: This is going to be a long tournament.
Crazy Packers Fan: So now we move on to our next game: #8 Mega Mole vs #9 Wiggler!
Mega Mole: That worm looks tasty...
Wiggler: I’m not a worm!
Crazy Packers Fan: This game is like the classic Mario Party mini-game Buried Treasure. Each character tries to find a buried treasure in this lot of sand. The one who finds it wins! Go!
Mega Mole burrows around, even uncovering
the treasure, but because of his bad eyesight, he passes
right over it.
Mega Mole: Where is that treasure?
Wiggler, of course, is no genius. It doesn’t realize that the treasure chest is the treasure. It is looking for something to eat, but, of course, it can’t find it.
Roy: BOO!!!
Larry: This is taking forever!
Mario: Even I could do better!
Daisy: You? Do better? No. NO!
Toad: Come on, just pick up the treasure so we can get going!
Mega Mole finally trips and falls on top of the treasure chest.
Crazy Packers Fan: Mega Mole has found the treasure! He is the winner!
Mega Mole: I am? Treasure? Huh? Wait, is that worm the treasure?
Wiggler: I’m not a worm!
Crazy Packers Fan: Mega Mole has won, so let’s move on to our next battle. This one’s between #5 Magikoopa and #12 Mechakoopa!
Thwomp: This ought to be exciting... uh, who’s playing?
Crazy Packers Fan: Magikoopa and Mechakoopa
will be competing in a survival contest. They sit on this
blanket of ice and see which one can
outlast the other, as it will eventually get so cold they will want to
run away.
Magikoopa: Some cheating ought to make
this easy, not to mention that Mechakoopa will shut down after a
while.
Crazy Packers Fan: Time starts... now!
Crazy Packers Fan has a lever that starts
pumping up the coldness of the ice. Magikoopa starts tossing
spells, Troopas, and Thwimps at Mechakoopa,
but since Mechakoopa is mechanical, it feels nothing.
Magikoopa: I shall now make the ice not as cold for myself!
Magikoopa casts a spell on the ice beneath him, but it works too well and he falls into a puddle of water.
Rocky Wrench: Who saw that one coming?
Crazy Packers Fan: Mechakoopa is the winner! On to our next game... #4 Reznor vs #13 Porcu-Puffer!
Reznor: Talk about a mismatch!
Crazy Packers Fan: Four versus one may seem like a mismatch, but actually this contest won’t test that. This is the Mario Party 2 mini-game Toad in the Box!
Porcu-Puffer: Toad in the Box?
Crazy Packers Fan: In this game, you
simply hit the spinning block however you can and hope that it lands
on Toad. The first one to get Toad’s
picture doesn’t win yet, though. They must get five Toads before the
other, and then answer a question correctly
to win. If not, then they lose two Toads and the race continues.
Are you ready? Go!
Porcu-Puffer is the first to get five Toads, while Reznor has four.
Crazy Packers Fan: What is a difference between stealing an item in Mario Party 2 and Mario Party 3?
Porcu-Puffer: Uh, in MP3 you don’t get the item?
Crazy Packers Fan: Wrong! There are several answers, and that isn’t one!
Although Porcu-Puffer got knocked back to 3, he gets the final two before Reznor can get another one.
Crazy Packers Fan: What is a difference between a Poisonous Mushroom in Mario Party 1 and 3?
Porcu-Puffer: Uh, in MP3 it makes you go backward?
Crazy Packers Fan: Nope. There are a few answers to that, too, but that isn’t one.
Porcu-Puffer gets back to five before Reznor can get the last one again.
Crazy Packers Fan: What is a difference between the claw game in Mario Party 1 and 2?
Porcu-Puffer: Uh, in MP1 you can get a Star?
Crazy Packers Fan: Boy are you stupid.
Porcu-Puffer: I’ve never played the game!
Crazy Packers Fan: You’re stupider yet!
This time Reznor gets his fifth as Porcu-Puffer gets his fourth.
Crazy Packers Fan: This question idea was a bad idea. Now answer me correctly, how many characters can be used in Story Mode in Mario Party 3?
Reznor: I know for sure! Since there are two new characters in MP3, the answer is 8!
Crazy Packers Fan: Arrgh..
Reznor: I’m right?
Crazy Packers Fan: Wrong!
Porcu-Puffer gets his fifth Toad again.
Crazy Packers Fan: How many coins for a Star? Come on, this is easy!
Porcu-Puffer looks around at the other competitors, who start shouting out wrong answers to throw him off.
Porcu-Puffer: I don’t know. The way these guys are talking, it’s the square root of 400.
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s right, 20!
Reznor: What a cheap guess.
Crazy Packers Fan: So Porcu-Puffer moves on! We’re on to our next match: #3 Banzai Bill vs #14 Monty Mole!
Banzai Bill: After the last two upsets, I can’t call this a mismatch.
Monty Mole: I’m small but I’ll win easily!
Crazy Packers Fan: We’ll see how easy it is to win this: a jump into a Super Mario World goalpost! The one who gets more Goal Stars wins! Banzai Bill is first.
Banzai Bill crosses the goalpost when it is at 29.
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s a great score! Now, can Monty Mole beat that?
Monty Mole jumps up at the goalpost
as high as he can, when the post is at its highest point. However, he
jumps too high, all the way over the
post, and then when he tries to jump back on it, the post has gone back
to the bottom, giving him 0 Goal Stars.
Crazy Packers Fan: Banzai Bill is the winner!
Banzai Bill: BOOM!!!
Crazy Packers Fan: Don’t blow up the
place in your celebration! On to our next game: #6 Torpedo Ted vs
#11 Blargg!
Lemmy: What a strange contest. An underwater guy against a lava-dwelling guy.
Crazy Packers Fan: This will be a test
of endurance as you try to avoid the tons of Goombas that will be
tossed at you by these Goomba-generating
pipes. You’ll have to hold on to your Yoshi eggs to prevent them
from cracking, because if one cracks,
you lose! On your mark, get set, go!
The Goombas start pouring out of the pipes and knocking into the two strange creatures, neither of which has a way of holding on to his egg. They both try to stand in front of the eggs.
Blargg: Rrrrraaaaaaarrrrrrr!!!
Blargg gets knocked into his egg, which opens up and a Baby Yoshi comes out.
Crazy Packers Fan: Blargg loses! Torpedo Ted wins!
Torpedo Ted: What? Oh, yes. I won!
Crazy Packers Fan: Now it’s time for
our next event, which is a match between #7 Dry Bones vs #10 Volcano
Lotus! The object is simple: hit your
target in the bulls eye and you win!
Dry Bones: With what?
Crazy Packers Fan: Your bone.
Volcano Lotus: What about me?
Crazy Packers Fan: Your lava bits. Now go!
Since Volcano Lotus’s shots can’t really
go that far sideways, and they have very poor accuracy, he misses
badly. Dry Bones’s shot goes right
on target.
Crazy Packers Fan: The winner is Dry Bones!
Dry Bones: You can’t knock me out!
Crazy Packers Fan: Well, I could- oh,
never mind. On to our final match of the SMW Minions bracket in the
first round: #2 Sumo Brother vs #15
Swooper!
Sumo Brother: Just call me Sumo!
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay, Sumo, this is going to be simple: I’m going to hit this Switch Block - or P Switch, as some of you like to call it - and whoever collects more coins wins!
Swooper: Sounds simple enough. Let’s go!
Crazy Packers Fan: Also, the Super Mushroom counts as 15 coins. Ready, go!
Crazy Packers Fan hits the P and Swooper
flies while Sumo runs after the coins. Sumo’s speed isn’t that
great, as you may have figured, and
he stumbles and falls trying to collect some coins.
Sumo: Rats! I’m going to be out of this round in a hurry if I don’t think of something!
Sumo gets up and falls again, and seeing
his opponent easily swooping to pick up coins, he stomps his foot
in anger.
Sumo: This is hard!
But when Sumo’s foot hit the ground, fire came flying up and scorched Swooper. This causes Swooper to fall down to the ground and have to eat the Super Mushroom to regain his energy, while Sumo collects all of the remaining coins.
Crazy Packers Fan: The winner is... let’s see, Swooper gets 200 and the Super Mushroom, and Sumo gets 216! That’s Sumo 216, Swooper 215, and Sumo moves on!
Sumo: Yippee!
Crazy Packers Fan: Things are going to really heat up soon, but we’re going to take a break for now, as we’ve actually finished 1/4 of all the matches in this tournament, and I don’t want to have it half over in one day! So we’ll be back next time with the other half of the first round, with the Super Mario Bros. 3 Minions and the Super Koopas brackets!