Vapor: Uh, where the heck are we?
Bowser 52589: Don’t ask me, I forget!
Simon: So, basically we don’t even know where we are, but we’re supposed to be playing some contest.
Lord Seth: Wait, is it us who don’t know where we are, or is it someone else who doesn’t know where we are?
David Lewis: Who’s “someone else”?
Lord Seth: The producer and host of this contest!
Dane Petersen: I wish we could start over again, but this is a reality show.
Washu: Let’s just start hiking and maybe this will all make sense.
The seven Troopa Mass members go off into the woods, trying to find out where they are on the island. They shake off several giant Cobrats who are trying to have a feast on them. Then they defeat some Shy Guys who are pointlessly existing. Finally they find a cave with a huge door.
Simon: Let’s go in!
Vapor, Moronic Genius: Is it just me, or does it seem like every single door that we see we have to enter?
Inside, the seven Troopa Mass members find a bunch of giant Ninjis jumping all over the place.
Dane Petersen: Let’s go!
David Lewis: Why?
Dane Petersen: We’ll get stomped on!
Lord Seth: I’m not afraid of these guys. I can just... stupid law again. I can’t use any “real” power on these Ninjis. We might as well go then.
The Troopa Mass members leave the cave and start exploring around the island. They find a couple of jeep-like vehicles on tracks side-by-side and a huge sign that says "Welcome to Sub-con P".
Vapor: It looks like something ate part of that sign.
Bowser 52589: Since there’s nothing else worthwhile to do, let’s jump in those stupid jeeps and find out what happens to us.
After the seven jump in the jeeps, the jeeps start to roll towards a gate, which is still closed.
Simon: You think that gate’s going to open?
David Lewis: Yeah, a sensor will make it open up automatically.
The jeeps speed up, and just as they are about to hit the gate...
Lord Seth: The suspense!
... nothing happens, and the jeeps crash into the gate simultaneously.
Washu, Gatherer: I’m really starting to get sick of this adventure.
Even worse, a monsterous Mouser starts tossing huge bombs at them.
Bowser 52589, Emperor of Virtex: This
is got to be the most pointless, useless waste of time of my life,
going on this stupid island. Plus,
it’s dangerous too!
After the Troopa Mass members are able to run away, a great idea pops into David Lewis’s head.
David Lewis: Doesn’t “Troopa Tribe” sound better than “Troopa Mass”?
Koopa Mass
Lemmy: Are you starting to wonder why it’s been so easy for us yet?
Rachelle: I certainly am. You know, a run of luck like this can’t last forever.
Misty: I would expect us to start having a hard time... tomorrow.
Koshi, Fruit Freak: Since this is also
a game, and not just a stupid survival test, I’m allowed to give some
strategic statements, right?
Stupid Cameraman: I don’t care.
Koshi, Fruit Freak: Okay. Now that we’ve
got rid of King 27, the one member of our mass who never got
along with us from the start, we’ve
now got to really think about who we want to get rid of next. After all,
I don’t think we’ll win fpur immunities in a row.
Stupid Cameraman: Your time is up. Next!
Koshi, Fruit Freak: Wait! I want to say who we’re going to vote off!
Stupid Cameraman: Sorry. Guest256, you’re next!
Guest256, Spiky Rock: Uh, why the heck
are we wasting our time talking to the stupid cameraman while we
could be eating?
Stupid Cameraman: Because you’ll have to forfeit your earnings if you don’t.
Guest256, Spiky Rock: Okay. I’ll say this... this is a waste of time!
Stupid Cameraman: Isn’t that what you said in the first place?
Roy: Hey, guys!
Lemmy: Oh no, it’s that stupid moron who helps make all these crazy decisions.
Roy: No, my contract ran out, so I’m not allowed to help Crazy Packers man with any decisions. But, I am allowed to tell you this! We’re about to have a reward challenge!
Videogamerpat: Are we going to get a poem?
Roy: Well, maybe...
Arim: Tell it to us!
Roy: Okay, but I hate poetry! Here we go:
While the other team is baking out in
the sun,
Your team might as well have a little
fun.
If you survive a trial by the flame,
You will get to play a video game!
Misty: A video game? All right!
Videogamerpat: Wow, a reward we might get to use!
Lemmy: How do we get there?
Roy: Through this pipe here!
Rachelle: That pipe?
Roy: Yeah! What’s wrong with it?
Arim: Most pipes don’t have tons of Porcupos crawling out of them.
Roy: Well, it kind of hurts getting into it, but once you get in there, it’s fine.
Guest256: I have no problem with this. Hurry up and let’s go!
Troopa Mass
Lord Seth: So, where were we?
Vapor: We were about to give up and go home, since we’re stuck in the middle of nowhere, on an island that is in the middle of nowhere, on a planet that is in the middle of nowhere. In fact, we were planning some revenge on the Crazy Packer guy who has helped make this place about as confusing as a maze.
Bowser 52589: Yeah, the bad thing is
that if there’s supposed to be a stupid reward challenge, we have no
way whatsoever of getting there.
Bowser: Hello, everyone! Jump into this pipe to get to the reward challenge!
Bowser 52589: Actually, I just said that so we would get there quicker.
Reward Challenge
Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome to this episode’s reward challenge! You’ll be playing for five video games, with systems, wires, electricity generators, controllers, and everything you need for them. Of course, it may cost you something if you’re not careful. An extremely fat Fry Guy will try to fry you with his fireballs. All of you must stand on that very shaky island over there in the middle of that lake, like the one from the Mario Party 2 mini-game Bombs Away. Whoever is the last one who doesn’t get hit by a fireball gets the reward for his or her team!
Misty: All right!
Videogamerpat: This is good.
Guest256: I don’t like playing with fire, ever since our last experience with it.
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
Lord Seth: We’re not on the island yet!
Crazy Packers Fan: Hurry up already!
After the fourteen survivors swim out to the island, which is two feet away from the shore...
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
Simon: Where’s this fat Fry Guy?
Crazy Packers Fan: Oh, he’s on his way!
All of a sudden, a huge wave of red
and orange fills the sky. The players see the largest Fry Guy the world
has ever known float over to them and
start spitting fat fireballs that are about the size of a tree each. Most
of the players decide to jump off the island instead of getting hit by
the fire. Eventually, only Misty remains, if only because everyone pushed
ahead of her to jump off.
Crazy Packers Fan: Thanks to Misty, Koopa Mass wins the reward challenge!
Misty: Yay!
Crazy Packers Fan: You Troopas can go now.
David Lewis: I don’t like being called a Troopa.
Dane Petersen: Where are we going?
Crazy Packers Fan: Oh, I forgot, Bowser
told me you guys don’t have a camp. Uh, just go in this pipe and
you’ll find a new camp.
Lord Seth: Okay. Thanks!
The Troopa Mass members jump in the pipe and go to their new camp. Meanwhile...
Crazy Packers Fan: Time for me to bring out the five games you will get to enjoy!
A minute later...
Crazy Packers Fan: These games are...
Pokémon Gold, Pokémon Snap, F-Zero Maximum Velocity, Star
Wars:
Starfighter, and Wipeout 64! Enjoy!
Lemmy, Clown Prince: It figures that he’d give us his five least favorite games.
Misty, Movie-Quoter: Well, I actually like Pokémon Gold, and I don’t know why that guy hates it so much.
The seven players get their systems
hooked up and start playing the games, and they keep on playing for
a few hours straight.
Crazy Packers Fan: Uh, aren’t you going back to camp yet?
Videogamerpat: Why should we? We’re actually enjoying ourselves, even though these games stink.
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay...
Troopa Mass
Vapor: This is a great camp!
Lord Seth: Not only is it great, it’s not ours, it’s the Koopa Mass’s camp! Look, their Bob-ombs are right here, and you can tell they’ve been eating here already! We’ll just enjoy this place while they’re off doing whatever!
Bowser 52589: It’s night already, and that’s a good thing.
Simon: Why?
Bowser 52589: We have bad luck on odd-numbered days.
Day 8
Koopa Mass
Lemmy: Okay, do you six realize that you just stayed up all night playing games that aren’t that great?
Misty: Hey, Pokémon Gold is worth it!
Rachelle: Actually, I spent the whole
night trying to find somewhere to sleep, but eventually I just started
playing this Wipeout 64 game. It’s
pretty bad.
Guest256: Well, I’ll admit I did play this game for a while, but only because I’ve been bored to death the last seven days. After all, who would want to waste their time getting dizzy if they had a life? I just played this Star Wars: Starfighter game due to the fact that I had nothing else better to do.
Crazy Packers Fan: You seven are still here?! Why haven’t you gone back to your camp?
Lemmy: We don’t know how to go back.
Crazy Packers Fan: Good point. Well,
the way back is through one of these pipes here. It’s this one- no,
this one- wait, maybe, this one-
Lemmy: Don’t even go through the whole routine. You know that you don’t know where it is.
Videogamerpat: Even I’ve had it with this game! Taking pictures is stupid!
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay, so I don’t know which pipe it is.
Koshi: I’m not trying a pipe that could get me eaten by a giant Shy Guy!
Crazy Packers Fan: Not to worry, Roy will help us out. Roy!
Roy: Sorry, my contract is up!
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay, then... let’s see, maybe Larry... Larry!
Larry: What now?
Crazy Packers Fan: Try out this pipe!
Larry: Okay!
The seven players and Crazy Packers Fan watch as Larry jumps down a pipe and instantly comes out another one nearby it.
Crazy Packers Fan: That’s obviously not it! Try a different one!
Larry jumps down a different pipe, and everyone waits a few minutes.
Crazy Packers Fan: I guess that’s the one. Go ahead down it!
Just as Rachelle is about to step into
the pipe, Larry comes flying out of it with a ton of spines hanging
out of his shell.
Larry: Don’t ask, don’t ask. I quit!
Crazy Packers Fan: Well, who knows which pipe it is, then. Just stay here from now on!
Lemmy: Wonderful! Now I get to listen to the stupid music of some of these games!
Troopa Mass
Lord Seth, Interviewer Extraordinare: Sometimes, I feel this is unfair, getting to have an easy time while the other team is doing who knows what. Still, it’s nice, because every second that goes by is another second closer to the 39th day.
Vapor: You know that some kind of Sub-con creature is about to attack. You know it!
Bowser 52589: Who knows it?
Triclyde: I’m here for no reason.
Vapor: I knew it!
Simon: Wait a minute, maybe we can sweet-talk him into leaving. Want to leave, Triclyde?
Triclyde: Well, I’m not doing anything bad, am I?
Simon: Not really, but...
Triclyde: But what? If you don’t tell me, I’ll have to take appropriate action.
David Lewis, Business Guy: I’ve always liked that phrase “appropriate action”.
Dane Petersen: What’s that?
Triclyde: Like burning you to ashes!
Washu: That’s not fun!
Triclyde: Isn’t it?
Simon: No, not at all.
Triclyde: Then what’s fun?
Vapor: Going away!
Triclyde: I don’t think so.
Lord Seth: Come on, have some fun!
Triclyde: Okay, I guess I’ll leave, but it’s just not fair! I don’t think this is any fun!
Triclyde leaves.
Washu: Boy, that was a waste of time!
Husky: I agree.
Vapor: The days keep getting more boring as they go on...
Simon: There isn’t even anything to talk about.
Bowser 52589: At least this isn’t as boring as that other Survivor.
Lord Seth: Which one?
Bowser 52589: The one where the Koopa Troop started staring at the wallpaper and stuff.
Simon: I have that feeling we’re about to be visited...
Roy: Hey, guys!
Simon: Right on cue.
Roy: I bet you are all bored to death! Here’s something that might cheer you up, an immunity challenge! Here’s the poem to it:
One of the hardest things to do
Is to find something you can chew.
You won’t really want to eat
After you eat some Shy Guys’ feet!
Vapor: Great! That’s the worst type of immunity challenge that could have been imagined!
Roy: There’s even going to be a fun wheel of fortune at the immunity challenge!
Lord Seth: Is it a rip-off the one in my Interviews?
Roy: No, it’s a rip-off the one on Survivor.
Washu: Is there any reason for us to go?
Roy: Well, not in my mind, but remember, I’m supposed to be STUPID, according to ALL OF YOU LEMMY’S LAND WRITERS!!! I’M NOT AS STUPID AS YOU THINK!!! Okay, maybe I am stupid, but at least I’m strong, and I DON’T GET ZAPPED BY IGGY ALL THE TIME!!! Some of the time, not all of the time. Plus, WHY DOES EVERYONE LIKE TO BEAT ON ME?!
David Lewis: Does this guy act like this all the time?
Lord Seth: Well, most of the time he’s weirder, but sometimes he is this normal.
David Lewis: I’d hate to see this guy on a weird day, then.
Dane Petersen: How long until the immunity challenge?
Roy: DON’T ASK ME, I’M STUPID!!!
Washu: Husky, stay away from him! He’s gone mad!
Roy: Plus, I’m the most athletic Koopa on Plit. How could I lose in Mario Madness?! HOW?!
Husky: This guy likes capital letters.
Bowser 52589: Okay, I’ve heard enough. Go away, Roy!
Roy: NO!!! NOT THIS TIME!!! I’m sick
of being ordered around by all you STUPID TOURISTS!!! I can’t take it
from you anymore! Stop it!
Vapor: How about this. We give you a few coins if you only agree to leave us alone.
Roy: That’s bribery! I don’t accept
bribes! Bribes are for babies! Okay, maybe they aren’t, because I do
accept them... oh, what the heck. Give
me the money and I’ll go!
Vapor: Well, I don’t have the money with me.
Roy: If you give it to me now, I will forget that I saw you guys here.
Bowser 52589 (getting ready to tackle Roy): I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life!
Roy: I’m sure you have!
Roy and Bowser 52589 start wrestling each other.
Lord Seth: Oh, is this getting stupid!
Simon: How is it night already?
Washu: Just be glad it is!
Day 9
Koopa Mass
Lemmy: All right, that’s it! I’m sick of hearing Professor Oak’s voice over and over again! Give me a hammer, or a sickle, or something! I’m smashing that game to pieces!
Videogamerpat: Take it easy now, Lemmy. After all, we’re just keeping ourselves busy.
Lemmy: You’ve been keeping yourselves busy FOR THE LAST 36 HOURS!!!
Rachelle, Co-Webmaster: Boy, I couldn’t have ever bet that after nine days, even Lemmy would finally crack!
Stupid Cameraman: Eight and a half!
Rachelle, Co-Webmaster: I apologize!
Roy walks by the seven Koopa Mass members, all bruised and beat-up.
Roy: There’s an immunity challenge coming up in three minutes, in case you care!
Lemmy: Where is it?
Roy: It’s going to be right here, as soon as Crazy man gets his stupid equipment here in time!
Arim: Is the fact that no one calls Crazy Packers Fan by his full name a reoccuring joke?
Lemmy: I don’t know. I can’t tell these days whether “end transmission” is meant for real, or just as a stupid joke, or just as an even stupider joke of making fun of the phrase “end transmission”.
Guest256: Say, what kind of challenge is this?
Roy: Oh, a stupid eating challenge, that’s all!
Koopa Mass: EATING CHALLENGE?!
Immunity Challenge
Warning: Stomach discretion advised. Some foods may not be suitable for weak stomachs.
Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome, one and
all! Today is that immunity challenge we’ve all been waiting for: the
food challenge!
Lemmy: Fun, fun!
Crazy Packers Fan: Here’s our wheel here. You’ll get to spin it, and then eat whatever you get on the wheel. The food here is not choice, of course. In fact, I don’t know if I would eat Shy Guy feet. It’s your choice whether you want to give your team a point or not. The team with more points wins immunity! First, I need the immunity game back.
Lord Seth: Here you go!
Crazy Packers Fan: Thank you. This week, you’ll be playing for a Super Mario Kart cartridge, which is this week’s immunity game!
Meanwhile, a Troopa walks up to Bowser, but Bowser kicks him away and starts laughing.
Crazy Packers Fan: Shut up, Bowser! Oh, and by the way, this isn’t just a reoccurring joke.
Koshi: This ought to be fun...
Crazy Packers Fan: You’re first, Koshi! Spin that wheel!
Koshi spins the wheel.
Crazy Packers Fan: Wow, how about that! Cobrat scales!
Koshi: If I didn’t care about winning, I wouldn’t even think about this. But here goes!
Koshi eats the Cobrat scales with no problem.
Crazy Packers Fan: One point for Koopa Mass! Next is Lord Seth!
Lord Seth spins the wheel.
Crazy Packers Fan: Wowee, a nice Snifit mask!
Lord Seth: Good thing I don’t need to eat to survive, so this won’t hurt me!
Lord Seth eats the Snifit mask with no problem.
Crazy Packers Fan: What’s going on here? I thought this would be difficult! Roy, bring in the real stuff!
Roy: I’m on my way!
Vapor: What does he mean by “the real stuff”?
Bowser 52589: Trust me, you don’t want to know. I don’t want to know, etiher.
Roy: There you are, the worst of the worst! They’ll never eat this! It’ll work right away!
Crazy Packers Fan: Good. Spin that wheel, Misty!
Misty spins the wheel.
Crazy Packers Fan: Well, well, well, if it isn’t part of a Beezo’s pitchfork!
Misty: No way! I forfeit my turn!
Crazy Packers Fan: Very well then. Hey, Roy, you were right already! Next is Vapor!
Vapor spins the wheel.
Crazy Packers Fan: Look what it is, a bunch of Tweeter beaks!
Vapor: Are you kidding? No way! I forfeit my turn!
Crazy Packers Fan: Very well then.
Later...
Crazy Packers Fan: It’s still 1-1, with only one person per mass to go. First is Guest256!
Guest256 spins the wheel.
Crazy Packers Fan: Wonderful, a bunch of Porcupo quills!
Guest256: I’m a little too used to these to be worried about them.
Guest256 eats the quills with no problem.
Crazy Packers Fan: It’s now 2-1! And now, it is David Lewis’s turn!
David Lewis spins the wheel.
Crazy Packers Fan: You got the bonus space! It’s a chocolate bar!
David Lewis: Uh... I’m allergic to chocolate. I pass.
Crazy Packers Fan: Koopa Mass wins immunity!
The grossed-out Koopa Mass members start to celebrate while the Troopa Mass members vomit at the sight of the things they passed up. Guest256 grabs the immunity game and holds it high. The Troopa Mass members head back to their camp through the same pipe they came through, while the Koopa Mass members go back to playing video games (except for Lemmy).
Koopa Mass
Lemmy, Clown Prince: I was almost hoping
we would lose so one of these bad-game-lovers could leave this
place. It’s bad enough that I’ve got
to listen to such bad games.
Rachelle: I’d like to congratulate Koshi
and Guest256 for saving our butts today at the immunity challenge.
Way to go!
Koshi: Sure!
Guest256: It was nothing. Although Porcupo quills do hurt your throat a little bit, I’m used to it.
Troopa Mass
Lord Seth, Interviewer Extraordinare: Heads will roll tonight... well, at least one head. And not mine!
Simon, Interviewer: Someone doesn’t deserve to be here anymore.
Bowser 52589, Emperor of Virtex: I think that we should tell you who we’re voting for, that way it would be a surprise to you in the end, because whoever we say now is always a lie. Actually, I don’t like lying, but...
Stupid Cameraman: You’re out of air time!
Vapor, Moronic Genius: What about me?
Stupid Cameraman: You two!
Larry walks into camp.
Larry: Here’s today’s potion!
Larry throws the potion and a door appears.
Larry: Grab your Bob-ombs, and enter the third Mass Massacre!
Mass Massacre
The seven Troopa Mass members, with Bob-ombs in hand, walk into the door, finding Crazy Packers Fan at the middle of their backward camp, sitting next to a jar, with a wishing well fifty feet away.
Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome to the third
Mass Massacre, one that ought to shake up this mass! It ought to
bring division and confusion, calamity
and anger! It will-
Lord Seth: Okay, okay, we know, Jeff Probst!
Crazy Packers Fan: Do not mention Jeff Probst on the set of Survivor 3! Stupid Cameraman, edit that out!
Stupid Cameraman: Yes sir!
Crazy Packers Fan: Okay. Now it’s time for me to ask annoying questions. First, who here is sick of this place?
Troopa Mass: ME!!!
Crazy Packers Fan: Good. Now, how has it been, with all the camp changes for you guys?
Bowser 52589: It’s been the best at times, and the worst at times.
Simon: We’ve been annoyed, tired, bruised, and beat up, yet we continue to fight on.
Crazy Packers Fan: Was the immunity challenge something that you thought of while thinking of your votes?
Lord Seth: Yes.
David Lewis: No.
Crazy Packers Fan: How hard do you think the rest of the contest will be?
Dane Petersen: Difficult, maybe.
Vapor: Near-impossible.
Crazy Packers Fan: Have you been able to get good sleeps?
Washu: No.
Husky: Yes!
Crazy Packers Fan: Well, then, it’s time to vote!
Ludwig’s organ rendition of the Tribal Council theme song plays once more.
Bowser 52589 goes to vote.
Dane Petersen goes to vote.
David Lewis goes to vote.
Lord Seth goes to vote.
Lord Seth: I'm voting for David Lewis. Why? First, he forfeited his vote last time. Second, it ended up going to Simon. Simon's occupation is interviewer, and I will never abandon a fellow interviewer... well, most of the time I won't.
Simon goes to vote.
Simon: I vote for David Lewis. David didn't vote last week, and a random vote is a dangerous one...
Vapor goes to vote.
Vapor: I vote off David because he forfeited his vote and is now a semi-dangerous wild card. That was an interesting analogy...
Washu goes to vote.
Crazy Packers Fan: I’ll go tally the votes.
As Crazy Packers Fan comes back with the votes, the Imperial March (from Star Wars) starts to play.
David Lewis: Are they trying to give
us an ominous feeling? I’m not worried, and it won’t affect me, nor
the votes.
Crazy Packers Fan: Once I read the votes,
the decision is final, and the one voted off will be asked to hand
me their Bob-omb immediately, then
jump into the jar. The first vote is for... David Lewis.
An awkward pause follows the reading of the vote.
Crazy Packers Fan: The second vote is for... David Lewis.
This time, the cameraman decides to move around the camera in circles.
Crazy Packers Fan: The third vote is for... David Lewis.
The cameraman, trying to focus in on David Lewis, ends up somehow tripping and dropping the camera. A few minutes later, after the stupid cameraman decides to pick up his camera...
Crazy Packers Fan: Three votes David Lewis, zero for everyone else. The fourth vote is for...
The music starts playing very loudly.
Crazy Packers Fan: Vapor. Okay, okay, that wasn’t the last one. The fifth vote is for...
The music plays at its loudest.
Crazy Packers Fan: Vapor.
Vapor starts to sweat, as the tension builds up.
Crazy Packers Fan: The sixth vote is for...
The music plays so loud, the speakers break and explode.
Crazy Packers Fan: David Lewis. That’s enough, as I don’t need to read the last vote.
David Lewis angrily picks up his Bob-omb and hands it to Crazy Packers Fan.
Crazy Packers Fan (pulling out his lighter and lighting David Lewis’s Bob-omb): David Lewis, the mass has spoken.
BOOM!!!
Crazy Packers Fan: Jump in the jar, David Lewis.
David Lewis does so, vacating the Troopa
camp, which was once the Koopa camp, and before that, a camera
camp, but it really was never used,
so it was just... a camp.
Crazy Packers Fan: I’m sure there are
a few things going through your minds while you get ready for next
week’s vote. You can all head back
through the door and get some sleep.
The Troopa Mass members do so, and everything disappears. Larry runs off into his pipe and leaves the Troopa camp, which was... skip it.
Lord Seth: Interesting vote, wasn’t it?
Vapor: You could say that again.
Bowser 52589: I don’t want to think about the vote, I just want to go to sleep.
In the Interview Room...
David Lewis, Business Guy: I had a feeling my forfeited votes would eventually come back to haunt me, but I kept going with my original strategy. Oh well, all the pain is over! Good night and good riddance, Troopa Mass!
Who voted for who?
Bowser 52589: David Lewis
Dane Petersen: X (vote goes to David
Lewis)
David Lewis: X (vote goes to Vapor)
Lord Seth: David Lewis
Simon: David Lewis
Vapor: David Lewis
Washu: X (vote goes to Vapor)