The Mario Olympics

By e2car

e2car: Annnnd we're back with Round 3 of the Mario Olympics!

Crickets chirp. e2car reaches over and hits a button on a tape recorder.

Tape Recorder Crowd: YAAYYYYY! (cheer, clap, whatever)

e2car: Now this match was supposed to be a Mario Party battle, but that turned out to be more complicated than I originally thought, so I switched to a different, more frantic party game! Hit it, Lakitu!

Lakitu smacks the curtain.

e2car: (You gotta stop taking it so literally.) Um... I mean raise it, Lakitu!

Lakitu raises the curtain, and behind it is a giant Wario Ware: Mega Party Games box.

Wario: That'll be 10,000 coins in royalty fees! Wa ha ha!

e2car: You're not supposed to be on this show, Wario.

Wario: 10,000 coins! Moneymoneymoney!

e2car: Security!

Lakitu: (to e2car) We don't have security. That needs, like, money.

e2car: (to Lakitu) Oh... right... just great. (aloud) Here, I have five coins in the budget, now go away.

Wario: Wah?! More!

e2car: *tosses the five coins out of the stadium* Go catch.

Wario: Moneymoneymoney! *chases after the coins*

e2car: Whew. Anyway, this third round will have all eight competitors competing in one giant battle! There will be four competitions in total, and one player will be eliminated each time.

Yoshi: What this do with bigbig game?

e2car: Watch and see... Now let the third round begin!

Tape Recorder Crowd: *CHEEEEER*

e2car hits the red button on his remote, and a giant vortex opens up on the Wario Ware box, sucking in all eight contestants.

Luigi: AAAAAH-A!

Kirby: Fiyyyyyyaaaa!

Bowser: MOMMY!

Lemmy: Did I just hear that?

Bowser: No. To the dungeon with you! Guards!

Five Koopa guards run up to the Wario Ware box and prepare to jump in.

e2car: Sorry, entry's closed. *presses red button*

They jump... and hit the front of the box, knocking themselves out.

Yoshi: What wham noise is?

Koopa Troopa: Look- it's a light!

G+W: Beep bee bebeep!

Koopa Troopa: Say what?

G+W: (slowly) Beep bee bebeep!

Koopa Troopa: What?!


Koopa Troopa: Never mind...

The group eventually falls into a dark, black room.

Luigi: Mario-a? Anyone?

Luigi gropes around and finds Bowser's leg.


Bowser breathes fire around.

Kirby: Fiyaaaaaaa!

Kirby runs around and trips over Yoshi.

Yoshi: What that touch Yoshi leg?

Yoshi jumps up and lands on Koopa Troopa.

Koopa Troopa: Hey! My shell!

Koopa Troopa's shell bounces around and causes more havoc in the room, which is already in an uproar.

Lemmy: Funny, Geno still doesn't talk.

Geno: ...

Lemmy pokes Geno.

Geno: Will this insanity ever end?

Suddenly, a force separates them from one another, pulling them into separate rooms. The lights turn on to reveal... a disco?

Yoshi: What this?

Bowser: Yeah! *dances*

Lakitu: Welcome to Survival Fever! This is one of the many multiplayer modes in Wario Ware: Mega Party Games, and it is the first game of this round! The way it works is, well, first, look in front of you.

Luigi: A crowd-a!

Bowser: Adoring fans! I knew it!

Lemmy: Uh, King Dad...

Bowser: Quiet!

Koopa Troopa: Very black and white bunch... they look like Game and Watch!

Lakitu: Yes, you all have a crowd, which is essentially your lifebar in this game. The crowd is separated into three parts. Every now and then, the spotlight will shine on you, which is your cue to play a random, wacky mini-game. If you win, your crowd stays. If you lose, one third of your crowd leaves. The first one to empty out their disco club LOSES and is eliminated from the round. Make sense?

Kirby: Fiya! *nod*

Geno: Random, wacky mini-game?

Luigi: Oh-a boy...

Lakitu: Now, let's start!

Disco music comes from nowhere, causing the competitors to dance uncontrollably. The spotlight zooms around, searching for the first player. But... it splits into eight and shines on everyone.

Lakitu: An 8-way game, get ready... Catch the cup!

The group is sitting at a table. Suddenly, a coffee cup comes sliding toward them. The ones who can make any sense of the game grab the cup. The rest, still confused, watch it slide by.

Lakitu: Yoshi, Luigi, Geno, and Lemmy win! Bowser, G+W, Kirby, and Koopa Troopa, wave bye to part of your crowd!

Right on cue, one third of their audience dissapears.

Koopa Troopa: Come back!

Bowser: Did we start?

Lakitu: Bowser... Bounce the watermelon!

Bowser sits there, still confused, but manages to win anyway because he's so big there's no way for the watermelon to get past him.

Bowser: I'm a natural!

Lakitu: Yoshi... stop the wheel!

The wheel with Yoshi on it spins around and around and around. Yoshi tries to find the perfect spot...

Lakitu: Time's up! You only get five seconds!

Yoshi: Yoshi lose!

Lakitu: It's... an 8-player game! Everyone... fly the plane!

Everyone tosses their plane, trying to avoid the walls. Bowser's, Luigi's, and Geno's crash instantly, Yoshi's and G+W's a little later, and then Kirby's and Lemmy's next.

Koopa Troopa: Almost... *CRASH* Aw man!

Lakitu: Everyone loses! Bowser, Game and Watch, Kirby, Koopa Troopa, you're down to the last piece of your audience! One loss and you're out! Koopa Troopa...

Koopa Troopa: *gulp* Uh oh...

Lakitu: Dodge the car!

Koopa Troopa freaks out and runs around randomly. The car, an inch tall, runs into him and bounces off.

Lakitu: Cleared! Lucky!

Koopa Troopa sighs in relief.

Lakitu: Luigi... take a picture!

Luigi snaps a shot immediately... of nothing. A duck flies by later.

Luigi: Oops-a.

Lakitu: Luigi... last third! Bowser... catch the toast!

The toast pops up. Bowser catches it with his mouth on the way down.

Bowser: Yum!

Lakitu: Is that legal...? *checks rulebook*

There is a silent hush among the "crowd". Bowser nearly chokes on his toast.

Bowser: Of course it is... (or else, Lakitu!)

Lakitu: Yes! (Eheheh...) Game and Watch... ski jump!

Game and Watch totally misses the ball and ski jump, falling head over heels. Back in the disco room, his place empties, and the metal door slams down. "CLOSED"

Lakitu: Game and Watch... you are eliminated! The other seven, don't rest easy- Card-E cards is next!


Koopa Troopa: I thought for SURE I was through...

Yoshi: Cardy cards?

Lakitu: No, Card-E cards?

Yoshi: Lakitu say Cardy cards!

Lakitu: Card. E. Cards!

Yoshi: What diff?

Lakitu: Anyway, Card-E cards is a card game. You draw a mini-game... er... microgame card and add it to the stack. If you draw an E-reader card, you play all the games in the stack. If you win, you get the cards in the stack and the discard. If you lose, ALL your cards are discarded. While someone is playing microgames, you can run around and steal others' cards. At the end, the person with the least cards is OUT! Luigi, draw first!

Luigi draws a microgame.
Bowser draws a microgame.
Yoshi draws a microgame.
Koopa Troopa draws... E-Reader!

Lakitu: Ok Koopa Troopa, a 3-microgame challenge... Ready... Get the coin!

The coin is unreachable for a non-jumping character, and so Koopa Troopa loses.

Lakitu: Too bad... Wave byebye to your 0 cards and the three stack cards to the discard!

Koopa Troopa: No fair!

Kirby draws a microgame.
Lemmy draws a microgame.
Geno draws a microgame.
Luigi draws a microgame.
Bowser draws... E-Reader!

Lakitu: Bowser... four mini-games... Eat the foot-long hot dog!

Bowser swallows it in one gulp.

Lakitu: Land on the float!

Bowser lands on it... but it sinks, due to his weight.

Lakitu: Sorry, you sunk... no cards for you!

Bowser: *waves claw* You SURE?

Lakitu: Um... yes!

Lakitu runs away and hides behind a Bowser-proof wall.

Yoshi draws a microgame.
Koopa Troopa draws E-Reader!

Lakitu: One game... eight cards... Koopa Troopa, shake off the apples!

He can't shake... but he can run into the tree and knock them off, and he does just that! Koopa Troopa wins eight cards.

Koopa Troopa: All right!

Bowser goes again, trying to cheat, and draws a microgame.
Kirby draws a microgame.
Lemmy draws a microgame.
Geno draws a microgame.
Luigi draws a microgame.
Bowser draws a microgame.
Yoshi draws E-Reader!

Lakitu: Ok Yoshi... for six cards... avoid the fruit!

Yoshi eats the fruit, so it can't hurt him.

Lakitu: Drop the eyedrops!

Yoshi drops the eyedrops, but before it hits a laser blows up the eyedrop and dropper.

Yoshi: Awowowowow!

Lakitu: No, that's good! Raise the flag!

Yoshi looks confused, but figures it out and uses the flutter jump to raise it just in time.

Lakitu: Paper-scissors-rock!

Yoshi looks at Wario's hand... which is a car?

Yoshi: That not paper scissor rock! Wait... rock make car broke!

Wario: Wah! My car!

Yoshi: That Wario's hand.

Lakitu: Play pinball!

A multiball goes off in the table, and Yoshi bashes on the flippers, barely saving the balls... but tilting the machine.

Yoshi: Yoshi win?

Lakitu: The idea is to save the balls, yes. Finally, cover your stomach!

A shirt gets tossed at Yoshi, who puts it on.

Yoshi: No fit Yoshi! Oh, Yoshi stretch!

Yoshi stretches the shirt, but it doesn't cover. Yoshi covers his stomach with his hands.

Lakitu: ... Well...

Yoshi waits, wondering whether that was legal.

Lakitu: You just won six cards!

Yoshi: Yahoo! Yay Yoshi!

During the game, all of Koopa Troopa's cards were stolen by Luigi, who got them stolen by Koopa Troopa, who got them stolen by Kirby, then by Lemmy, Geno, and Bowser. Yoshi then stole them from Bowser.

Lakitu: No stealing during microgame time for the player! Give them back, Yoshi!

Yoshi: Awww...

Bowser: Ha HA!

Koopa Troopa draws a microgame.
Kirby draws a microgame.
Lemmy draws a microgame.
Geno draws a microgame.

Lakitu: Oops, we're out of cards! Now, since we have 4 cards in the stack and 5 players, we will play four direct competition games for the four remaining cards. The one without a card is OUT! Bowser, Yoshi, you two sit out since you have cards. The rest... prepare to play! Game one... stop the stopwatch at five seconds.

All the characters stare intently at their stopwatch, waiting for five seconds. Ten minutes later...

Luigi: Um... Lakitu-a... it helps to start-a the stop-a watch.

Lakitu: Oh. Right. I knew that.

Lakitu presses the start button. About five seconds later, all characters have stopped their stopwatches.

Lakitu: Ok... reveal your time!

Luigi: 4.96
Koopa Troopa: 5.15
Kirby: 4.92
Lemmy: 5.01
Geno: 5.00

Lakitu: Very well done, Geno! Dead on! Lemmy, Luigi, so close, but not quite. Anyway, Geno, you're safe, now for the next game. Here you stop the alarm!

All four of the remaining characters wait on the alarm, waiting for it to ring.


Luigi dives for the alarm. But, that was not the whole ring.


Lemmy stops the false alarm. Still, no good.

There is silence for a long time. Then,


All four dive for the alarm. But... nothing happens?

Pan camera to the telephone ringing.

Lakitu: Wrong ring, heh heh. *picks up phone* Hello?

Then, again...


Luigi dives for the alarm first.

Lakitu: *now off the phone* That was missing the "g" in the ring!

Luigi: Augh-a!


All four characters jump onto the alarm, which is real this time. When the dust clears...

Lakitu: Lemmy is safe!

Lemmy: Alright!

Lakitu: Three left... now, the game is a ball toss. Toss it as far as you can! The farthest is safe... go!

Koopa Troopa weakly lobs the ball 2.3 feet.

Kirby tosses it barely farther, at 2.5 feet.

Luigi: This'll be-a easy-a!

Luigi tosses the ball 15 feet...

Lakitu: Kirby is safe!

Kirby: Fiya!

...the wrong way.

Koopa Troopa: The... markers are this way. I guess King Bowser was right, plumbers are dumb.

Luigi: *facepalms* I guess-a Mario-a is rubbing off-a on me! *groan*

The final game...

Lakitu: This game is what matters! One of you is safe, and one of you is eliminated! The game... is to catch the money!

Lakitu tosses a dollar bill in the air.

Lakitu: GO!

Both Luigi and Koopa Troopa scramble to get in position to get the slowly-fluttering-down cash. Luigi, however, easily stomps and kicks Koopa Troopa off the screen.

Koopa Troopa: Noooooooooo... *sound fades out*

Luigi patiently waits for the dollar to come down. Right before it's in his reach...

Koopa Troopa: ... oooooooooooooOOF!

Koopa Troopa, who has sailed around the world, slams into Luigi, knocking him out of the way. The dollar bill lands on his shell.

Koopa Troopa: Alright!

Lakitu: It hasn't been caught yet though! It's not in your hands!

Koopa Troopa: Aww... my hands are so small!

Luigi, hearing this news, quickly dashes over to Koopa Troopa to grab the dollar off his shell, while Koopa Troopa tips around, trying to slide the dollar into his own outstretched-but-still-really-short arms.

Eventually, the dollar finally moves and falls off the shell as both contestants reach for it simultaneously. There is another cloud of dust, and when it clears, one of them is triumphantly flashing the dollar.

Who caught the dollar? Who is eliminated? What other two contestants will be eliminated in the second half of round three? You'll have to find out next time, on Mario Olympics: Round Three, Part Two!

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