Minion Melee

By Crazy Packers Fan

Episode 2

Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome back to Minion Melee! First of all, I'll thank those of you who participated, all four of you. Next, I'll announce who has the best contest idea of the week... it's Lemmy!

Roy: Another fixed contest!

Crazy Packers Fan: Lemmy barely beat out Videogamerpat's idea of a sleeping contest, or at least that's what I think he meant by zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Anyway, Lemmy is here today, and that means-

Larry: That he decided to freeze me, though I did nothing wrong to him!

Lemmy: It's not my fault you were sitting in front of Roy! Move out of the way!

Larry: I can't now!

Crazy Packers Fan: This is how it usually goes around here. Anyway, the matches today will be...

SMB3 vs. SMW
SMB2 vs. PM

Today's contest will go like this: Each team will run up Booster Hill, trying to collect beetles to put in their respective barrels at the top of the hill. Unlike practically every Survivor contest you've ever seen from me, the barrels will not- repeat, will NOT- be mixed up, so the teams will be putting the beetles in the correct barrels without having to worry about Roy switching them up.

Roy: I tried hard, but he wouldn't let me.

Crazy Packers Fan: Due to an accidental spillage of Micro-Goombas all over the hill, you'll be safer to use the backs of Snifits to climb up the hill. The two competing teams will go up at once, and the first team to put five beetles in their barrel and put one of their members into the barrel wins! For a tiebreaker point, you can put ten beetles in your barrel, but you do not win until one of your members is in the barrel. Everyone understand?

Roy: Don't even ask the question; you know they'll say "no".

Crazy Packers Fan: We'll start off with the Super Mario Bros. 3 vs. Super Mario World match! Ready, set, go!

The players, a little stunned by Crazy Packers Fan's cheesiness, slowly go over to the hill. They jump on
the first Snifits they find and continue to go on up.

Angry Sun: It's so hard to balance on these Snifits...

Boom Boom: You can float, can't you?

Angry Sun: Oh, right, I can!

Stretch: Can't you fly?

Boom Boom: I guess so... but you can float, so you don't have to balance on these either!

Fire Chomp: Stop making discoveries and help me collect these beetles!

Rocky Wrench: It's no fair that I actually have to use these Snifits... oof! Ouch! Stop it! Ow!

Fire Chomp: Can Micro-Goombas hurt that bad?

Rocky Wrench: They can if you're a wimp like me! Yeow!

Chargin' Chuck: This should be pretty easy. We need one player to go to the top. Then, we'll throw all of
our beetles to that one player, and that player will catch them and put them in that barrel, saving us some time.

Mega Mole: That will be me.

Porcu-Puffer: You'll take all day just to get up there!

Mega Mole: I'll be up there, you just wait and see!

Banzai Bill: I'll probably have to push you up the hill.

Mega Mole: I promise you, I'll make it up there, just you wait and see!

Sumo Brother: Are you kidding?

While the Super Mario World characters bicker, the Super Mario Bros. 3 characters collect three beetles and
are going for four.

Fire Chomp: Pass that beetle this way!

Stretch: Sure!

Rocky Wrench: Hey, did you notice that this is going so easily for us? Almost too easy, isn't it?

Boom Boom: Don't say that!

Rocky Wrench: Why not?

Angry Sun accidentally bumps the barrel, knocking it over and spilling out all the beetles.

Boom Boom: That, of course, is why.

The Super Mario World characters, seeing their big opportunity, finally make a decision.

Chargin' Chuck: None of us will go up there alone! We'll all just pick up the beetles and carry them up

Porcu-Puffer: Why couldn't we have done that in the first place?

Banzai Bill: We needed more drama, that's all.

The players on both teams climb up the hill on the Snifit's backs and make their way to the top, where they each get four beetles in their respective barrels.

Rocky Wrench: Obviously we can't go for all ten now, so let's just go for that last one.

Fire Chomp grabs a beetle and floats back up the hill. At the same time, Chargin' Chuck picks one up, but is
far away from the top.

Mega Mole: Just toss up the beetle as hard as you can!

Just as Fire Chomp is about to place his beetle in the barrel, a beetle comes flying up, landing right in the

Chargin' Chuck: Yes! I got it in!

Mega Mole: Yeah, but in the wrong barrel!

Stretch: Jump in, Boom Boom!

Boom Boom hops in his barrel. As he does, he is somehow able to tip it, and he goes rolling down the hill, with all of the beetles spilling out.

Roy: What's the ruling?

Crazy Packers Fan: Super Mario Bros. 3 wins!

All SMW Players: WHAT?!

Crazy Packers Fan: Boom Boom was in the barrel with all of the beetles before they came out, so SMB3 wins!

Larry (now unfrozen): I don't like all these close calls.

Roy: That puts SMB3 at 2-0 and SMW at 0-2... very interesting.

Crazy Packers Fan: Now, get off the hill, so we can prepare for our second match... SMB2 vs. PM! Who do
you two think will win?

Roy: Super Mario Bros. 2, of course. Sub-con couldn't go without a win for two consecutive weeks. It just
couldn't happen in a Crazy Packers Fan-run show. This is a bet that you can't go wrong on.

Larry: Whatever Roy just said, forget about it. Paper Mario has characters who have a heart. They really get
along, they have great teamwork, good chemistry. They won't be stopped.

Crazy Packers Fan: Now that the course is ready, you two teams can get ready to go. Okay?

Huff N. Puff: Right!

Panser: Let's go!

Crazy Packers Fan: Go!

Clawgrip: This should be easy. Toss the beetles to me, then I'll throw them with my awesome claw toss all the way into the barrel from down here.

Triclyde: Thissss sssshould not work.

Clawgrip: Of course it shouldn't, but what if it does?

Mouser: We'd better win, or I'm not going to try!

Porcupo: You haven't tried anyway, so what difference does it make?

Mouser: I will this time!

Porcupo: I hope.

Panser grabs a beetle and tosses it to Clawgrip. Clawgrip misfires and nails Tubba Blubba with the beetle.

Tubba Blubba: That's it, crab-face! You're going down!

Tubba Blubba and Clawgrip have a ridiculous wrestling match (remember Bowser and Bowser 52589 in Survivor 3?). No one wins, of course. The only positive thing for either team is that in the meantime the Crystal King has picked up one beetle and placed it in his team's barrel.

General Guy: We need more than that! Hurry up!

Tutankoopa: What gives you the right to order us around?

General Guy: My bunch of Shy Stacks is what! Now get back to work!

Tutankoopa: What about you? What are you going to do?

General Guy: I'm going to make sure you're working!

Tutankoopa: Right!

Clawgrip, shaking off the dust from the battle, tosses a beetle handed to him by Porcupo. This time, the
beetle nearly hits Roy in the head.

Larry: Watch where you're throwing that!

Roy: I'm surprised you just stood up for me, Larry.

Larry: That's because it just hit me in the head!

Roy: Oh, of course.

Panser: Want to let us take those beetles up ourselves instead of you trying to kill others with them?

Clawgrip: No.

Panser: Well, we won't listen to you anyway!

Porcupo: If we're doing it ourselves, then we'd better hurry. Look at that team!

Tutankoopa and Huff N. Puff carry beetles up the hill and place them in their barrel.

General Guy: Good job, men, but that's not going to be enough! We're in a hurry! Move, move, move!

Tubba Blubba: I wonder what Snifits taste like...

Snifit: What?! Huh?! Help!


Snifit: Not bad... but I think I'll get too overweight if I keep him.


Tubba Blubba: Is that mask a vacuum in disguise?

Snifit: It does have the power of one, I guess.

Tubba Blubba: Don't tell anyone that you can do that... that would embarrass me for life!

General Guy: Blubba! Get going!

Tubba Blubba: Got to go!

Porcupo grabs a beetle and tosses it towards his barrel. Naturally, the beetle knocks over the barrel, which goes rolling down the hill. Triclyde is forced to chase after it. After he does get it, he has a hard  time, as trying to pick up a barrel with no hands can be a challenge.

Panser: Everything happens but the right thing! Mouser, what are you doing?

Mouser: You'll find out!

Panser: Stop digging around in those Micro-Goombas and get- hold on, what is that?

Mouser: Sssh!

Panser: All we need is that barrel... where is that moron Triclyde?

Porcupo: I'll go get him.

In the meantime, the Paper Mario team has eight beetles and is going for its ninth.

Larry: I told you they're going to win!

Roy: Taking this gamble and going for the tiebreaker point is going to cost them, I'm telling you.

Larry: We'll see.

General Guy: That's it, Tutankoopa! We're up to nine now!

Porcupo: Hurry up, Triclyde!

Triclyde: Do you realize how hard it issss to carry
thissss barrel up thissss hill?

Porcupo: No.

Triclyde: Ratssss.

Panser: Go help him, Porcupo!

Porcupo: Why don't you?

Panser: We'll go together, okay?

Porcupo: What about those other two losers?

Panser: Mouser has something special, and Clawgrip... who cares about Clawgrip? Let's help Triclyde out!

As Panser and Porcupo help Triclyde push the barrel back up the hill, Huff N. Puff comes floating towards
the barrel with the tenth beetle for their team.

Huff N. Puff: One toss and it's over!

Just as Huff N. Puff tosses the beetle into the barrel, Panser, Porcupo and Triclyde get the barrel  set up at the top. Mouser comes running up and tosses all of his beetles that he collected into the barrel. However, it is too late!

Tutankoopa: We win! We win!

Huff N. Puff: What a victory!

Mouser angrily jumps into his barrel and starts to pout.

Mouser: I give up on this game!

Crazy Packers Fan: Super Mario Bros. 2 wins!

Crystal King: Why them and not us?

Crazy Packers Fan: Who's in your barrel?

Tubba Blubba: Oops... we forgot to have someone jump in the barrel.

Crazy Packers Fan: That's right. We have a win for Sub-con!

Mouser: Maybe it was worth trying after all.

Panser: That's the first step for SURF in recapturing the Mario world!

Porcupo: Probably the only step, too.

Triclyde: Ssssweet victory!

Clawgrip: What happened? Who won?

Roy: Well, who was right, Larry?

Larry: Shut up, Roy! I would have been right, if not for that gamble... don't gamble anymore!

Crazy Packers Fan: Time for our final match... SMRPG vs. LM! Who do you two guys pick?

Roy: Super Mario RPG.

Larry: Super Mario RPG, hands down.

Crazy Packers Fan: Same rules, same game. Are you guys ready?

Mr. Luggs: More than we ever will be.

Shivers: Let's just get it on!

Crazy Packers Fan: Ready, set, go!

Rob-omb: I've got an awesome strategy!

Smithy: I don't want to hear it!

Yaridovich: It's probably something like "ask Videogamerpat to pay off Crazy Packers Fan to automatically let us win".

Rob-omb: Ask Video-

Yaridovich: I knew it!

Rob-omb: -gamerpat for a match, then light me and let me explode!

Croco: Why?!

Rob-omb: I'll blow all the beetles right into our barrel!

Mack: And probably blow us out of the land, too!

Rob-omb: Just watch!

At the same time, Luigi's Mansion's crew is working well.

Neville: This is a cinch!

Madame Clairvoya: I did not realize we could easily float back and forth and win this challenge.

Chauncey: Hurry up! That team looks to be planning something!

Shivers: What's Videogamerpat doing with a match over there?


Everyone goes flying. Beetles go flying, too, and 15 fly into the Super Mario RPG barrel, while 11 fly into
the Luigi's Mansion barrel. Rob-omb also goes flying... right into his team's barrel.

Crazy Packers Fan: Super Mario RPG wins the challenge, and a tiebreaker point!

Rob-omb: Yes! My plan worked!

Videogamerpat: Pay up!

Rob-omb: What?

Videogamerpat: That match cost me one coin! I can't throw away that kind of money!

Crazy Packers Fan: We're finished here this episode for Minion Melee. Here are the new standings...

Super Mario Bros. 3, 2-0, 1 TP
Super Mario RPG, 2-0, 1 TP
Luigi's Mansion, 1-1, 0 TP
Super Mario Bros. 2, 1-1, 0 TP
Paper Mario, 0-2, 0 TP
Super Mario World, 0-2, 0 TP

Here is next episode's schedule, as well...

SMW vs. PM
SMB2 vs. LM

By some chance, all the matches are between teams with like records. We'll find out a lot about how this
contest will go by next week's matches, which will be something from Super Mario World. Until next time, I'm Crazy Packers Fan, saying so long for Roy and Larry!

Read on!

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