Minion Melee

By Crazy Packers Fan

Episode 5

Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome here to the final game of the regular season of Minion Melee! I'm very happy
this season has finally come to an end, and Super Mario Bros. 3 is too as they are just playing for fun today. This week's winners are Zeus and Lemmy! Not like it's a big deal or anything, but you won! This is a very simple game: each team picks one player per mini-game, and there are five mini-games that we have picked out. If a team has three wins before the other team gets one win, they get a tiebreaker point as well as
the win, and obviously if a team gets three wins out of five they win. The mini-games are: Eatsa Pizza, Three Throw, Shell Shocked, Snowball Summit, and Buried Treasure. Don't panic about Eatsa Pizza being a two-player game as it will be played with only one player. Let's have Roy and Larry entertain us with their stupid analysis.

Roy: Today, I have that feeling about these matches. I have the feeling that everything's going to work out perfectly and we won't even have to worry about those tiebreaker points.

Larry: I think this one's going to be a cinch for Super Mario RPG. Everyone likes them and they'll probably win, sealing them a spot in the next round. I don't know about Luigi's Mansion, though.

Roy: Count on Luigi's Mansion and Super Mario RPG making it to the playoff round in two weeks.

Larry: I'm betting on Super Mario RPG and Super Mario Bros. 2, who will earn a tiebreaker point and exorcise the ghosts of Luigi's Mansion.

Crazy Packers Fan: I'll go out on a limb and guess that Paper Mario gets a miracle and makes the playoffs. That's just for fun, because I know they have very little chance of making to the playoff game. All right, let's get ready for our matches! Here's the schedule for today:

SMB3 vs. LM
SMB2 vs. SMW

We'll start out with Super Mario Bros. 3 against Luigi's Mansion, the battle between the #1 and #2 ranked teams! Who's going to play Eatsa Pizza?

Rocky Wrench: We're going with Fire Chomp. We're hoping he lives up to his name.

Neville: I'll go.

Crazy Packers Fan: Get around this gigantic pizza here... and go!

The scoreboard clock starts to tick: 30, 29, 28, 27, 30, 29, 28, 30, 29, 30...

Crazy Packers Fan: All right, who's hitting the reset button?

Roy: Playing with buttons is fun!

Crazy Packers Fan: Come on, stop that, or this will go on forever.

30 seconds later...

Crazy Packers Fan: And the winner is...

Larry: Fire Chomp!

Crazy Packers Fan: Super Mario Bros. 3 takes a 1-0 lead! On to Three Throw. Who is it this time?

Rocky Wrench: We're going with Boom Boom here.

Mr. Luggs: It's my turn!

Crazy Packers Fan: Here is the wall of hoops. Ready, set, go!

Boom Boom keeps missing shots at the middle buckets, while Mr. Luggs goes for the high ones. At the end,
however, BoomBoom starts to get the middle ones, but is it enough?

Crazy Packers Fan: Time's up. Who wins?

Larry: The score: Boom Boom 13... Mr. Luggs 15!

Crazy Packers Fan: Mr. Luggs gets the win, making it 1-1! It's time for Shell Shocked.

Rocky Wrench: Stretch should be able to get us a big win.

Madame Clairvoya: I'll go this time.

Crazy Packers Fan: Get into your tanks and go!

Within seconds of getting into their tanks, Stretch has already fired tons of shots at Madame Clairvoya, destroying her tank in no time whatsoever.

Crazy Packers Fan: Stretch wins, giving Super Mario Bros. 3 the lead again, 2-1! Next up is Snowball Summit. Who's going for it?

Rocky Wrench: Angry Sun is our choice.

Shivers: It might as well be my turn.

Crazy Packers Fan: Here's the snow hill, so go!

Angry Sun melts all snow that comes his way. It seems like a great idea, but it means that he cannot make a
snowball. Finally, Shivers makes a gigantic snowball that is even too cold for Angry Sun to resist. He hops
off the small hill to avoid a meltdown.

Crazy Packers Fan: Shivers ties it up, 2-2! It's down to our last game, Buried Treasure. Who will get that
treasure for their team, Rocky Wrench or Chauncey? Ready, set, start digging!

Rocky Wrench and Chauncey start digging as hard as they possibly can, trying to find the treasure. Each
digs right into each other, and the treasure chest is seen poking out of the ground. Each grabs it at the same time... or at least that's what it looks like.

Crazy Packers Fan: It'll have to go to instant replay... Larry, you're the judge.

Five minutes later...

Larry: After reviewing the play, the ruling on the field stands.

Roy: What ruling?

Larry: The ruling that there is no ruling.

Roy: Let me look at the instant replay!

Five minutes later...

Roy: After reviewing the play, the ruling on the field is reversed!

Larry: What ruling?

Roy: The ruling that there is no ruling is reversed, meaning that the ruling is now that there is a ruling.

Larry: And what is that ruling?

Roy: Rocky got it!

Crazy Packers Fan: Super Mario Bros. 3 wins and finishes undefeated, 5-0! As for Luigi's Mansion, a
Super Mario RPG loss or a Super Mario Bros. 2 loss puts them in the first-round playoff game. Now it's
time for the Super Mario Bros. 2 vs. Super Mario World match! We'll start again with Eatsa Pizza. Who will be going for each side?

Triclyde: I'm going first!

Mega Mole: I might as well try.

Crazy Packers Fan: Here's a new pizza... and go!

Triclyde, with the advantage of having three heads and not just one, eats three times as much as Mega Mole does.

Larry: This is easy... Triclyde wins!

Crazy Packers Fan: All right, so that was quick. On to the Three Throw challenge, where it will be...

Clawgrip: Me against...

Chargin' Chuck: Me!

Crazy Packers Fan: Me against me. Wow. Anyway, go!

Chargin' Chuck is very good at sports. Being a baseball player and also a football lover, he has very
good accuracy at throwing balls. Clawgrip likes to toss rocks, but his accuracy's always off. It should not then surprise you that the final score is...

Larry: Clawgrip 3... Chargin' Chuck 0!

Chargin' Chuck: Oh, you throw the balls into the hoops? I thought you threw them as hard as you can into the squares above the hoops.

Crazy Packers Fan: *sigh* We're on to a possible tiebreaker point for Super Mario Bros. 2, if they can only win this match. It's time for some shocking of shells in Shell Shocked! Who's it going to be?

Mouser: I'm going to try out this challenge.

Porcu-Puffer: What the hey, I might as well try.

Crazy Packers Fan: Get into your tanks and go!

Mouser is a master blaster. He is able to nail Porcu-Puffer the first time and quickly back away. However, Porcu-Puffer gets a miracle shot over a pipe to make it one to one in tanks remaining.

Mouser: Time for the fixed aim button!

Mouser holds down his fixed aim button, which lets him run away from Porcu-Puffer while shooting the decisive shot, right into Porcu-Puffer's tank.

Porcu-Puffer: That's no fair!

Crazy Packers Fan: Super Mario Bros. 2 wins, and they also get the tiebreaker point! They are now in the
playoffs no matter what. This puts a lot of pressure on Super Mario RPG. A win and they're in, but a loss and they're out. First up is Eatsa Pizza. Who will be going for each team?

Croco: I'm first.

Tubba Blubba: I might as well try this one out.

Crazy Packers Fan: Ready, get set, go!

This one is no contest. Tubba Blubba is big and he likes to eat a lot. Ever since he got off his all-ghosts diet, he's turned into a great eater. Croco? Let's just say that his stomach isn't quite the  size of Tubba Blubba's big head.

Larry: Tubba Blubba obviously wins!

Crazy Packers Fan: That gives Paper Mario a 1-0 lead! On to Three Throw. Who will it be this time?

Tutankoopa: I'll go for it.

Yaridovich: So will I!

Was there a basketball court in the Dry Dry Ruins? Maybe not, but it sure seems like it after Tutankoopa
sinks fifteen shots in a row... all in the middle section. By the end, the score is...

Larry: Tutankoopa 35... Yaridovich 3!

Yaridovich: Ouch!

Crazy Packers Fan: Ouch is right. One more loss in a mini-game and Luigi's Mansion will be celebrating
victory, while you SMRPG characters will be watching a bunch of ghosts in the playoffs. Who will go for it in Shell Shocked?

Smithy: This is my kind of game. We're turning it all around right here, right now!

General Guy: I am putting an end to the efforts of the Super Mario RPG-ers.

Crazy Packers Fan: Here we go... ready, get set, go!

Smithy starts out fiercely going after General Guy, but he misses wildly on his shot. General Guy then nails Smithy once and puts Super Mario RPG on the threat of extinction.

Smithy: This is the turning point of the match.

Smithy then hits General Guy twice in rapid succession, but since General Guy's tank was still flashing, the second shot does not count.

Smithy: That's no fair!

Smithy starts pressing down the fire button constantly. After thirty missed shots in a row, he finally gets General Guy out, who had been fooling around with his tank's controls.

General Guy: I blew it... I apologize.

Crazy Packers Fan: It's still a close one for Super Mario RPG. They need this Snowball Summit victory... who will it be?

Crystal King: It's time to finish off these guys.

Mack: Not if I can help it!

Crazy Packers Fan: Ready, get set, go!

The Crystal King is intangible. Snowballs do not affect him. Unfortunately for him, his snowballs aren't very big and they barely affect Mack. Mack finally starts hopping up and down. It causes an avalanche and the Crystal King is the first to fall off the small hill.

Crystal King: That's not right!

Crazy Packers Fan: Mack wins, tying things up at 2-2! Now Super Mario RPG finds themselves very close to
winning, and all they have to do to make the playoffs is find the Buried Treasure. It's Rob-omb vs. Huff N.
Puff for the win! On your marks, get set, go!

Rob-omb: I have no hands! How do I dig?

Mack: Explode!


Rob-omb's explosion unearths the buried treasure!

Rob-omb: Woo-hoo! It worked! How about that, I'm the hero! Videogamerpat would be so proud!

While Rob-omb and Super Mario RPG celebrate, Huff N. Puff angrily grabs the treasure chest, looks at it,
then blows it away.

Huff N. Puff: I blew it.

Tutankoopa: Thanks for stating the obvious.

Huff N. Puff: No, I mean the match.

Crazy Packers Fan: What do you mean, you blew the match? You won! Rob-omb never picked up the treasure chest, but you did! Paper Mario wins! Super Mario RPG is out of the playoffs at 2-3! Luigi's Mansion finds themselves in the playoffs!

Rob-omb: What?! WHAT?! Oh no, stupidity on my behalf. Rob!


Crazy Packers Fan: Here are the final standings:

y-Super Mario Bros. 3, 5-0, 3 TP
x-Super Mario Bros. 2, 3-2, 1 TP
x-Luigi's Mansion, 3-2, 0 TP
Super Mario RPG, 2-3, 1 TP
Paper Mario, 2-3, 0 TP
Super Mario World, 0-5, 0 TP
y-has a spot in the final match
x-will be playing in two weeks in the first round of
the playoffs

Vote for either Super Mario Bros. 2 or Luigi's Mansion over the next two weeks to choose who moves on to face Super Mario Bros. 3 in the final! That match will be based on the game Mario Golf, so you may also give a challenge idea if you wish. By the way, for those of you who wonder how some matches were decided, they came down to scores in categories of my Reviews. While I can't exactly remember the order of the categories I used, I can tell you that the reason why Super Mario RPG lost is because its Controls score was *; Paper Mario's was ****. Until next episode, so long!

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