Minion Melee

By Crazy Packers Fan

Episode 6: SMB2 vs LM

Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome to our first playoff match between Super Mario Bros. 2 and Luigi's Mansion!
Whoever wins gets to go up against Super Mario Bros. 3 in the final. This challenge will be based on Mario
Golf, and this time I picked the contest, which is relay golf. Each team sends a player to tee off at one of two tees near each other. Once that shot stops, another player hits it from there, and so on. Both teams are racing to get it into the hole first, but they must not touch the ball while it is moving or they'll be faced with a 15-second penalty. Also, the same player may not hit the ball two times in a row. The first team to get the ball in the hole wins!

Roy: It sounds simple, but with these characters, who knows? I think Super Mario Bros. 2 will win just
because everyone hates Luigi's Mansion.

Larry: I think Luigi's Mansion will win because Panser and Porcupo will fight over who gets to tee off for
their team.

Panser: I'm going first!

Porcupo: Are you kidding? I have more power than you!

Clawgrip: I'll go first. That'll settle everything. I have more power anyway.

Triclyde: And I'll sssshoot ssssecond. I've got enough power to sssshoot that ball onto the green.

Mouser: I'll go third. It shouldn't be too hard for me to finish the hole off by then.

Crazy Packers Fan: This is an awfully long and confusing hole, with the tees 1000 yards from the hole, so I wouldn't count on it being easy whatsoever.

Madame Clairvoya: We made it this far; let's not go and ruin it all now.

Chauncey: I want to win! I want to win!

Mr. Luggs: Patience. We can win this with strategic shots... and quick movements.

Neville: The number of shots doesn't matter. I'll tee off, then someone else chases my ball or stands on the

Shivers: Isn't that dangerous?

Neville: You're a ghost.

Shivers: So?

Neville: The ball won't hurt you.

Shivers: That's what you think!

Neville: Come on, knock it off. Let's get going!

Crazy Packers Fan: Okay, all we need are some golf clubs and two golf balls.

Roy: You mean you don't have them yet?

Crazy Packers Fan: Well, I, kind of-

Larry: Lack of equipment yet again. Mr. Game & Watch, go out and buy some for us!

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep!

An hour later...

Larry: Very helpful, Mr. Game & Watch. These two-dimensional golf balls and golf clubs would only work if we lived in Superflat World, like you.

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep...

Roy: Well, there's the alternative. We can always steal them!

Larry: What's the advantage in that over just buying them?

Roy: It saves us some good money!

Larry: And we have a multi-million coin budget. We might as well use it, or our budget may be reduced.

Roy: Okay, I'll try to buy them. But if I'm desperate, I'll steal them!

Roy leaves.

Crazy Packers Fan: Why does Roy have to make everything so hard?

Larry: That's his skill in life.

Five hours later...

Roy: I tried to get good golf clubs, but the place I went to only had putters!

Crazy Packers Fan: Let me guess, you went to a miniature golf course.

Roy: Is that what it was? Well, too bad, here are the golf clubs and golf balls.

Crazy Packers Fan: All right, Larry, you go put these on the tees, and players, you get ready to tee off.

Larry places the golf balls on the tees and hands each player a putter.

Crazy Packers Fan: Ready, get set, go!

Clawgrip and Neville tee off, but the resulting shots don't go very far. Each falls into the sinking quicksand ahead. As Triclyde struggles to hit the ball out of the sand, Shivers gets a quick shot off and the ball starts to roll pretty far.

Neville: Good job, Shivers!

Shivers: Thanks!

Neville: You just shot the ball back to the tee grounds!

Shivers: All right!

Neville: That's not a- nevermind.

Neville hits the ball right at Shivers this time. Due to Shivers touching the ball, Luigi's Mansion is hit with a 15-second penalty. In the meantime, Triclyde is able to get a short shot away, and Mouser chases after it.

Mouser: This one should be perfect!

Mouser's shot goes right into the hole.

Mouser: We win!

Right into the water hole, that is. As Porcupo goes underneath the water to try to fish the ball out,
Shivers hits the ball hard... right into a tree.

Neville: You really have touch with the ball, don't you?

Shivers: You bet!

Porcupo somehow finds the ball under the water and hits it out. Panser is there to immediately hit it all the way onto the green.

Panser: We're only one good putt away from winning!

The bad news: Porcupo is struggling to stay afloat, Mouser is arguing with Crazy Packers Fan as to whether
the water hole should count as the real hole or not, and Clawgrip and Triclyde are wrestling with each other... in Bowser/Bowser 52589 style. There's no real reason for it, though, as both are on the same team.

Madame Clairvoya: Hurry up! We're not dead yet!

Chauncey rushes to hit the ball out of the tree. The ball goes rolling... and rolling... and rolling... right into the angry Panser.

Crazy Packers Fan: 15-second penalty on Super Mario Bros. 2!

The frustrated Panser starts waving his leaves in anger. Meanwhile, Mr. Luggs hits the ball onto the green, and Madame Clairvoya quickly rushes to get off a putt. By this time, the penalty is over, but Super Mario Bros. 2 can't hit the ball anyway, due to Panser having just hit the ball but no one else on his team
wanting to take a shot.

Crazy Packers Fan: I forgot to mention that there are several booby traps on the green!

Madame Clairvoya: That's great to know. Too bad it doesn't look like there are any.

Mouser: Come on, that has to count as the real hole!

Porcupo: Someone lend me a life raft!

Triclyde: You sssshall not win againsssst me!

Clawgrip: No one beats Clawgrip!

Panser: Guys! Help me out here! Oh, it's no use. I quit too.

Madame Clairvoya hits the ball perfectly: a 52-foot putt headed right for the hole. Just as it is about to
enter the hole, the ball suddenly is scooped up by a Bandit, who runs away.

Madame Clairvoya: Now what?

Crazy Packers Fan: Now you start the hole all over again! Get Luigi's Mansion a new ball, Roy!

Roy rushes to place the ball on the tee. While Porcupo finally swims to safety, Clawgrip and Triclyde stop
wrestling, Mouser stops complaining, and Panser rushes to tell Mouser to get off a putt, Neville lines up his

Neville: I don't know where to aim this ball. Maybe I should hit it towards where Panser and Mouser are

Mouser rushes and putts his team's ball. Just then, Neville's tee shot comes rushing in, knocking Super
Mario Bros. 2's rolling putt away from the hole, while dropping into the hole itself.

Mouser: Wha-?

Panser: That's not possible!

Neville: Woohoo! It's in! We win!

Crazy Packers Fan: Luigi's Mansion wins and advances to the final! Congratulations, Luigi's Mansion. You
will face Super Mario Bros. 3, as I'm sure you know already. A 4-to-1 voting advantage won it for you, and
you'll need to win the fans' vote over the next two weeks as well. All fans out there should vote for their favorite of these two teams, and also give in your idea for the final challenge, one based on Yoshi's Island.

Roy: I'm shocked again by the final result.

Larry: Maybe I'm good at picking, or maybe I'm just plain lucky...

Mouser: Lucky is more like it.

Read on!

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