Minion Melee

By Crazy Packers Fan

Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome to the newest Mario sporting event here at Wario Stadium, which is known
as Minion Melee! Six teams will compete; they will each be 5-member teams with enemies who only appeared in the same game and no others. They will compete for the Minion Melee trophy and a whole bunch of coins, the number of which I'll decide someday. Instead of a tournament bracket or a points system, this will run very much like a sports league. Each week, teams will be paired to go up against others, and a win or loss will be added to their won-loss record. The contests will be game-related, as usual. There will also be
other special challenges, which I'll explain later. First, the teams and their players:

SMB3: Fire Chomp, Stretch, Rocky Wrench, Boom Boom, Angry Sun

SMB2: Panser, Porcupo, Triclyde, Clawgrip, Mouser

SMW: Chargin' Chuck, Porcu-Puffer, Sumo Brother, Banzai Bill, Mega Mole

SMRPG: Rob-omb, Mack, Smithy, Yaridovich, Croco (Okay, they're technically not "minions"...)

PM (Paper Mario): Crystal King, Huff N. Puff, General Guy, Tutankoopa, Tubba Blubba

LM (Luigi's Mansion): Neville, Chauncey, Madame Clairvoya, Shivers, Mr. Luggs

Crazy Packers Fan: I'm here with... who else? Roy and Larry, as the two other broadcasters for this contest. It's great to see you here again.

Roy: Yeah, well, I'm now mad that I had to be in other games, because I surely would have led my team to

Larry: Only if I was on your team, of course.

Roy: Of course... not.

Crazy Packers Fan: Who's your early favorite, Roy?

Roy: Super Mario Bros. 3 is the obvious favorite coming in. True, the Brothers got taken out due to minor appearances in Yoshi's Safari, but Rocky Wrench and Boom Boom have the athletic skills to pull it through.

Larry: No way. Super Mario Bros. 2 has a dream team. Panser and Porcupo are the field generals with all the
brains, and then you have the size in Triclyde, Mouser, and Clawgrip.

Crazy Packers Fan: Any teams that have no chance?

Roy: Luigi's Mansion.

Larry: Definitely Luigi's Mansion.

Crazy Packers Fan: Unlike stuff like the Mushroom Games and Mario Madness, which were somewhat fixed,
this one will be decided from lots of different factors. Those of you viewers will have the opportunity to pick your favorite team, your least favorite team, and suggest a challenge for the next episode. The team with most favorite votes will win no matter what, and the team with most least favorite votes will lose no matter what, except if a team gets the most votes for both, in which it will come down to which type of votes the team has more of. However, voting isn't everything, as all other matchups come down to different factors not to be revealed until the contest is over.

Roy: What about that suggesting a challenge thing?

Crazy Packers Fan: Everyone may suggest some sort of challenge involving the game that is given for the
next episode. Whoever has the best idea for that challenge gets to appear here, and that challenge will be the one of the episode. Of course, I just may choose to make my own if none of you have any good ideas, but I seriously doubt that. I do reserve the right to add or subtract minor details from the challenge idea, of course.

Larry: How will it be set up?

Crazy Packers Fan: There will be a round-robin schedule, with everyone playing everyone else once each. With six teams, that's five episodes of games. The three teams with the best win-loss records go to the
playoffs, with the team with the best win-loss record getting a bye to the final.

Roy: Wait... what about a tie in the standings at the end of the season?

Crazy Packers Fan: That's where the "other special challenges" come into play. There will be some special
thing in each challenge that if a team performs, it will earn a "tiebreaker point". Those tiebreaker points will be added up and break ties, with more points being the tiebreaker, obviously. In case of a tie even then, coin tosses will be necessary.

Larry: What's the schedule?

Crazy Packers Fan: This week, it will be these following matchups...

SMB3 vs. SMB2
PM vs. LM

This week's challenge will be based on Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels!

Roy: BOO- oh, I forgot, there's no real reason to boo.

Larry: There never is, Roy.

Crazy Packers Fan: Each team will race through various levels, trying to collect flags. The first team to bring back four flags wins! The special challenge is to try to bring back seven flags, for a valuable tiebreaker point. However, since you must bring back all the flags at once, it may be a risk to try for all seven, because the other team can bring back only four and beat you.

Roy: Who are we starting with?

Crazy Packers Fan: It starts with Super Mario Bros. 3 vs. Super Mario Bros. 2!

Boom Boom: This will be an easy win.

Panser: Not in a Crazy Packers Fan-controlled contest, though... ha ha ha!

Clawgrip: Wait a minute... what flags?

Crazy Packers Fan: From flagpoles.

Clawgrip: What flagpoles?

Crazy Packers Fan: At the end of levels.

Clawgrip: What-

Triclyde: Sssshut up!

Crazy Packers Fan: To be nice, I put all the warp pipes to all the levels right here, clearly marked, with the correct level marked on each pipe (no Roy tampering this time).

Stretch: Piece of cake!

Crazy Packers Fan: On your marks, get set, go!

Roy throws a yellow flag.

Crazy Packers Fan: What?!

Roy: False start, Fire Chomp, on SMB3!

Fire Chomp is seen halfway in a pipe before any of the others have crossed the starting line yet.

Roy: Five-second penalty on SMB3!

Crazy Packers Fan: Go again!

SMB2 takes off towards World 1-1's pipe. Five seconds later, SMB3 is allowed to leave, and they go to World 9-3's pipe.

Crazy Packers Fan: By the way, Roy, Larry, and I will be watching this all on the screen, so don't think we're actually there when we make comments.

World 9-3

Angry Sun: Thanks a lot for the penalty!

Fire Chomp: You're welcome! It's not like it really matters!

Stretch: It will if we don't start moving. Let's see... all we have to do is jump over a big lava pit, climb some stairs, jump through a hole in the ceiling, and we're through.

Rocky Wrench: Where did you find this all out?

Stretch: I stole the level map. Now, we have all the levels figured out right here on this map.

Boom-Boom: That makes things easy. Let's grab that flag and keep on going.

After making the jump over the lava onto a small platform...

Boom Boom: There's a vine in the block above me. Should I climb it?

Stretch: Why waste time like that? Keep on going before we run out of time!

As Boom Boom runs off, Angry Sun has a marvelous idea.

Angry Sun: Why don't we split up and take each level on our own?

Fire Chomp: Because... because... because, well, I don't know. That's a good idea.

Stretch: One thing... my map would have to be cut into a bunch of pieces.

Rocky Wrench: I'll do that.

As Rocky Wrench cuts the paper with his wrench, Boom Boom runs into trouble.

Boom-Boom: Great, I forgot which way to take... I guess lower is better here.

Boom Boom comes face to face with a hammering Bowser.

Boom Boom: Not a good thing.

Roy: Look at Boom Boom mess it up!

Larry: And look at the rest of SMB3 going for different pipes! I like their teamwork!

Roy: It doesn't matter. Boom Boom is ruining any chances at victory like this.

Larry: Want to make a bet?

Roy: Two coins!

Larry: Deal!

Boom Boom runs and punches right over the fake Bowser.

Roy: Well, they still won't win!

Larry: Pay up!

Roy: Here, but I won't lose next time!

Boom Boom: Yippee, I got flag #1!

Boom Boom exits through a pipe in the ensuing castle.


Boom Boom: What the?

Roy: Oops... I put that warp pipe to Wario's Battle Canyon, where Videogamerpat's been practicing with his newly bought Bob-omb army.

Videogamerpat: Nothing will stop us now! Bob-ombs and Rob-ombs will soon rule Plit! Hahahahaha!


Boom Boom gets blasted all the way back through the warp pipe and to Wario Stadium.

Boom Boom: What is going on?

Larry: Blame Roy.

Boom Boom: I already did. In fact, in every situation, I always blame Roy first before I do anything else,
because it's somehow always his fault.

Roy: Wow, I've got a good reputation around here.

Boom Boom: Where's my team?

Larry: All over the place.

Boom Boom: They got blown up?!

Larry: No, they went to different pipes.

Boom Boom: Oh! Okay, then I'll go in one myself.

World 1-1

Panser: Why did all of you have to come along too?

Porcupo: Because we know you're not smart enough to handle this on your own.

Panser: I'm the smartest one here... and I've got Crazy Packers Fan on my side. I'm like Daisy, I get
special privileges! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Porcupo: It's going to be me, me, me, me, not you, who brings in the fan support for our team!

Panser: Well, it's also going to be you, you, you, you, not me, who brings in the anti-Sub-con votes!

Triclyde: Sssstop your fighting! We need to get thosssse flagssss.

Clawgrip: Watch out for that dangerous Paratroopa!

The Paratroopa flies right into Mouser, who stands with his arms crossed.

Clawgrip: Why didn't you move?

Mouser: I don't care about this game.

Clawgrip: We're going to get the flag; are you coming?

Mouser: No.

Clawgrip: Why not?

Mouser: I don't care anymore.

Clawgrip: Well, you're going to be caring when I stuff this rock down your throat!

Mouser: No, I won't care.

Clawgrip: Come on, don't you want the reward?

Mouser: You can go ahead and win it, but I don't care.

Clawgrip: You're messed up.

The other three SMB2 players run ahead, beating up on Goombas and Troopas along the way. Then, Triclyde decides to taste-test a Poison Mushroom. Ouch.

Triclyde: Thissss musssst be the besssst Musssshroom I've ever eaten!

I forgot that Poison Mushrooms work backwards on Mario's enemies.

Panser: You're pretty stupid, then.

Crazy Packers Fan: Who's he saying that to?

Roy: Probably himself, who else?

Porcupo: Hey, what's down this pipe?

Panser: Don't be so curious! We all know curiosity killed the Cobrat.

Porcupo: That's only because the Cobrat you speak of decided to try to find out how hot a lava pit is!

Panser: What if there's a lava pit down that pipe?

Porcupo: Trust me, there's nothing bad down that pipe.

Panser: You try it, then... I hope we can nominate a replacement player in case one gets killed.

Porcupo goes down the pipe, eats a Poison Mushroom in the coin room, then runs out of the room, coming out a pipe further on in the level.

Panser: He's taking forever!

Triclyde: Mosssst of the time, you don't come out the pipe you went in.

Panser: Maybe. Let's keep on going!

Larry: Why isn't Clawgrip with them?

Roy: Clawgrip can't get over a small pit.

Clawgrip: Take it easy now, very easy, that's it, now jump... I made it! I made it! Oh, I didn't... I just jumped straight up. It's a start, though.

Larry: Where's Mouser?

Roy: Still pouting, I think.

Mouser: I don't feel like doing this! I don't want to! It's my choice, isn't it? You can't make me!

Larry: Another character talking to no one.

The SMB2 team struggles to the end of the level, where Panser gets launched by Triclyde onto the flagpole.

Panser: Finally! Our first flag!

Porcupo: I would have got that, if you wouldn't have run ahead of me!

Panser: You're too slow, that's all!

Triclyde: What'ssss the point in arguing? We need three more flagssss!

Porcupo: Where are those other two morons?

Panser: Who knows? Let's go ourselves.

World 8-4

Rocky Wrench: I wonder where I am now... let's see, World 8-4, one of the hardest levels in the history of
Plit. I can't possibly be here, can I?

Larry: Yes, you are.

Rocky Wrench: People are mocking me, aren't they?

Roy: This guy is psychic!

Rocky Wrench jumps over a large pit, over another medium-sized pit, then a small pit, back into a pipe. He now enters a water world.

Rocky Wrench: Great, I hate swimming!

After fighting off several Bloopers, Rocky Wrench slithers through some underwater Fire Bars (no joke) and into the pipe at the end of the waterworld.

Rocky Wrench: Now where am I?

Rocky Wrench only sees one pipe under an overhang, which means he'll have to pull off a crazy jump to make it to the next pipe.

Rocky Wrench: Fun, fun, fun!

Rocky Wrench jumps-

Rocky Wrench: Is it so hard just to call me "he" here? I'm the only one here!

HE jumps onto the overhang, then HE falls down, reaching madly for the pipe. HE barely grabs onto the
pipe's edge, then gets into the pipe... but not after HE gets bitten by a red Piranha Plant.

Rocky Wrench: Thanks for the pronouns.

Rocky Wrench-

Rocky Wrench: Do you want to start this again?

Roy: I think this guy needs mental help.

Larry: I agree, but so do a lot of others here.

Rocky Wrench makes his way through a few more difficult areas, then to a place with two Paratroopas flying across a pit, but not exactly the way he was hoping.

Rocky Wrench: Want me to pay you to let me across?

Red Paratroopa: How much?

Rocky Wrench: Something! I don't have anything right now, but-

Red Paratroopa: No!

Rocky Wrench: Come on, man, I'm only trying to get a flag-

Red Paratroopa: I'm not a man, I'm a Paratroopa!

Rocky Wrench is desperate and frustrated, so he jumps right at the Paratroopa, who starts to lose feathers
from his wings. As Rocky Wrench struggles to hold on, the Paratroopa starts to sink... towards the bottomless pit, of course.

Rocky Wrench: I told you to accept my deal!

Red Paratroopa: Get off me and I'll accept it!

Rocky Wrench jumps for the other Paratroopa, who is flying horizontally, since he's a green Paratroopa. He
bites Rocky Wrench and kicks him into the exit pipe, while the red Paratroopa is somehow able to use his
last feathers to get to safe land, and live the rest of his life as a red Troopa.

Red Troopa: Back and forth, back and forth. Eat Mario from the south, eat Mario from the north! Back and
forth, back and forth. Kill him, then to Koopa report!

Green Paratroopa: The old red Troopa fight song... brings a tear to my eye every time I hear it.

Meanwhile, Rocky Wrench meets up face to face with... Bowser?

Rocky Wrench: Not you! Oh well, I know what to do to you.

Rocky Wrench throws a wrench right at Bowser's stomach. Of course, Bowser is so huge, and such a big turtle, and so strong, and-

Bowser: YEOW!!!

As Bowser falls to the ground, Rocky the Wrench jumps over him and keeps on going, past some more stuff in the level, before meeting up with...

Rocky the Wrench: Hold on a second, when did I turn into a wrench?

Roy: Uh, Larry, is he a wrench?

Larry: Well, he is a "Wrench", but not the tool itself, just the name.

Roy: Then what is he talking about?

Anyway, Rocky Wrench meets up with... you guessed it, Bowser.

Rocky Wrench: I'm really getting sick of beating you, Bowser.

Bowser: Come closer.

Rocky Wrench: Fine, then, I will!

As Rocky Wrench makes it halfway across the bridge, Bowser starts to run away towards the right.

Rocky Wrench: That's right, don't mess with Rocky the Wrench... I mean, Rocky Wrench!

Bowser jumps on the axe, cutting the bridge to pieces, and putting Rocky Wrench in the lava.

Rocky Wrench: You are so mean... owwwww!

Fortunately, Rocky Wrench does the classic Mario Party "hit the lava and bounce" trick, which gets him out of the lava and to the end of the level. Then, Rocky Wrench has a stunning revelation...

Rocky Wrench: Where's the flagpole?

World 9-4

Angry Sun: Exactly where I wanted to end up... an underwater world.

Water to the sun feels like fire to ice, or electricity to a Troopa.

Angry Sun: Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! OW!!! Get it off me! I'm melting! Help me!

Angry Sun is drifted along by the current of the water, finally getting to the flagpole. By that time, however, he's so out of it that he can't even grab the flag.

Angry Sun: Water... water... everywhere... and not a drop of air... help... me... The flag?! I got it! I got it! Woohoo!

Angry Sun exits through a pipe, going back to Wario Stadium. He then enters another pipe, going to another stage.

World 7-3

Boom Boom: This definitely is not my day... having to face Bowser was bad enough, but having to go on these lifts is even worse. Everytime I go across this lift, it disappears, and I don't know where I'm going in
this level. Why? I don't know.

Roy: He needs to bounce off the Paratroopas and get in the high pipe in order to go anywhere.

Larry: Or, he could fly, using his wings.

Roy: Unfortunately, using his brain is the whole problem.

Boom Boom: The only exit seems to be in that pipe up there, but I know I can't jump off those Paratroopas... I can fly, perhaps.

Roy: He's got some sense!

Larry: Not that much sense, though.

Boom Boom: Ouch. Next time I'll wait for the red Piranha Plant to go down its pipe before I try to exit down the pipe.

Boom Boom goes down the pipe, then starts going through the level, beating up on lots of characters, then starting to fly to the finish. He grabs the flag at the end of the level, then exits through a pipe back to Wario Stadium. With no hesitation whatsoever, he heads into another pipe to go try to find another flag.

World 3-1

Panser: I hate this team already.

Porcupo: So do I... especially the so-called team "leader"!

Panser: Well, at least you recognize me as the leader.

Triclyde: What'ssss the matter with you two? Let'ssss jusssst find the flag and move on!

Panser: How come you don't talk with three heads anymore?

Triclyde: Becausssse Crazy Packerssss Fan got ssssick of that reoccuring joke.

Porcupo: Rolling your s's is another reoccuring joke, by the way.

Triclyde: Who caressss?

The three Sub-con losers-

Panser: Losers?! I thought Crazy Packers Fan liked us!

The three Sub-con team members get through most of the level, before Panser decides to go down a pipe. The other two follow suit. Outside the pipe, they climb up a staircase.

Panser: Good thing I went down that pipe! It was a shortcut to the end of the level!

Porcupo: Or, a shortcut to World 1, because we just got welcomed to Warp Zone.

Panser: Oops... everyone makes mistakes.

Porcupo: You make more than anyone else!

After going down the pipe...

World 1-1

Porcupo: Well, look who we have here!

Mouser: I don't want to help out! No, I'm not helping! I'm just staying right here!

Clawgrip: Come on, just take a leap of faith... I just can't do it!

Panser: Come on, you two, we need to catch up!

Triclyde: We only have one flag! That'ssss pathetic!

Mouser: I don't care about this game anyway.

Clawgrip: If I could only make this jump...

Porcupo: This could take all year.

Wario Stadium

Meanwhile, all five SMB3 members are back at Wario Stadium, holding six flags.

Fire Chomp: I'm impressed with the efforts of all of you... except you, Rocky Wrench. Did you just sit
around all this time and paint your face black to make it look like you landed in lava?

Rocky Wrench: No, I- well, I- uh, um, you have to understand, I-

Fire Chomp: No excuses! Meanwhile, the rest of us have six flags total, and we need one more for the tiebreaker point. However, it is a big risk going for it. We can just hand these to Crazy Packers Fan now, or try to get that tiebreaker point while we can.

Stretch: Risk it!

Boom Boom: Let's take the risk!

Angry Sun: The biggest risk is not taking one, so yes, let's go for it!

Rocky Wrench: Oh, I guess.

Fire Chomp: Then let's go!

The five SMB3 players rush off to a warp pipe.

World 8-3

Fire Chomp: From what I heard, this is the hardest level in the history of Plit, perhaps even harder than 8-4.

Stretch: That's okay. I can float through lots of enemies, Chomp can burn them, Rocky can wrench them,
and Boomer can pound 'em. And Angry Sun... he can complain them to death.

Angry Sun: That's my talent in life!

Rocky Wrench: Look, a Lakitu! I'll give him the wrench, wrench, wrench, right in the neck, neck, neck...

Roy: Another fight song?

Larry: It's that college football atmosphere.

Roy: Do they even have colleges around Plit?

Larry: You'd never make it into one, so you'll never find out.

Roy: That's right... hey, is that an insult, or a compliment?

Larry: You decide.

The five SMB3 players work together, destroy enemies, get over pits, make it to the flagpole, grab the flag,
jump through the warp pipe, then start running towards Crazy Packers Fan. Just then, they see the SMB2
players talking to Crazy Packers Fan.

Fire Chomp: We lost!

Stretch: Why did we take that risk?!

Rocky Wrench: Rats!

Crazy Packers Fan: So, how many flags have you got?

Fire Chomp: Seven!

Crazy Packers Fan: Then you win! You also get a tiebreaker point, as well!

Stretch: What are these Sub-conians here for?

Crazy Packers Fan: They were trying to get me to get Clawgrip and Mouser out of World 1-1... they say they're obsessed with something and can't move.

Rocky Wrench: We won! We won! Wooooooo!

Boom Boom: Nice one, Rocky... here's some spam to celebrate! We needed this first win to get us goins...
I mean, going, not goins.

Rocky Wrench: I love eating spam, though not reading it.

Roy: I have a feeling that was some kind of inside joke.

Angry Sun: We won. Wow. I did something right, I assume. This is just great.

Crazy Packers Fan: With that game over with, let's have Roy and Larry give their opinions and talk to a few characters.

Roy: Well, no surprise in this game, as SMB3 just dominated the play and took SMB2 out of it. Yes, there's a serious lack of chemistry and team effort in Sub-con, whereas there's lots of it with the SMB3 squad. SMB3 is still the team to beat, while Sub-con still has a lot to prove... they're probably going to need some fan support, or this could get ugly.

Larry: Yeah, Sub-con's squad looked totally awful today. Mouser is available now for a tele-interview, as he is over in World 1-1. Mouser, how do you feel about losing?

Mouser: I don't care.

Larry: You want to win it all, don't you?

Mouser: I don't care.

Larry: Would you care if I said that a Paratroopa is about to land on you?

Mouser: No.


Mouser: I... still... don't... care.

Larry: Talk about apathetic.

Roy: Let's go to Clawgrip. Clawgrip, how does it feel to not be able to jump?

Clawgrip: That's all I want to be able to do, make a jump. I can't do it. It's an awful feeling.

Roy: Can't you try lifting your feet and pushing your body towards the direction you want to go at the same

Clawgrip: Uh... let's see.

Clawgrip tries to jump and ends up falling off his pipe to the ground, with a Paratroopa landing on him.

Clawgrip: No.

Roy: Thank you for your time, Clawgrip. Let's go over to Panser, who is extremely mad about this game today.

Panser: Yes, I would like to cut Porcupo from my team.

Larry: That's not allowed.

Panser: I'd still like to do it! Also, that SMB3 team must be good, because we're supposed to be Crazy
Packers Fan's favorites.

Roy: Maybe you're lovable losers.

Panser: Lovable, yes, losers, no!

Larry: I think it's the other way around. Well, that's all for our interviews here, so let's go back to the challenges.

Crazy Packers Fan: When we come back, we'll have Super Mario RPG vs. Super Mario World in the battle of the two biggest SNES Mario non-remakes!

Roy: What about Yoshi's Island?

Crazy Packers Fan: It's the third biggest.


Mario: It's-a getting hot!

Luigi: And-a there's no water!

Peach: What are we going to do?

Mario: What-a are those?

Luigi: What-a time for Pikmin to appear!

Daisy: Of course, they're only there to advertise for that dumb game, Pikmin!

Stupid Cameraman: They aren't Pikmin, they aren't dumb, and you're not supposed to be here, Daisy!

Bowser: Buy Super Mario Sunshine... or I'll tear your tonsils out! Hey, I think this version of the commercial is a lot better, don't you, Stupid Cameraman?

Stupid Cameraman: Of course... but you're not supposed to say that on air! Cut!


Crazy Packers Fan: We're back here with Minion Melee, and our second match of the day, Super Mario RPG vs. Super Mario World!

Chargin' Chuck: Let's get this started!

Smithy: I'm unbeatable! I'm untouchable! At least that's what everyone tells me!

Yaridovich: Yippee for you.

Crazy Packers Fan: The same rules apply for this match, which I hope to be a lot closer than the last one. Are you ready? Then go!

Using the same strategy as SMB3, both squads break up and go on their own.

World 1-2

Smithy: Time for destruction!

Smithy walks through the level, destroying everything in sight. Unfortunately, it usually isn't a good idea to destroy the ground that you are standing on.

Smithy: Uh oh!

Luckily, under the ground is more ground, so Smithy doesn't really fall far. He is able to get through the level to the flagpole, when something bad happens.

Smithy: I might as well destroy that flagpole, just for fun.


Smithy: Next time, I'll get the flag first, then destroy the flagpole. Think, Smithy, think. Common sense.

Roy: Hmm... maybe Mr. Super-Powerful needs a brain to go with his might.

World D-1

Chargin' Chuck: Hammer Brothers... no problem.

Chargin' Chuck runs right through the Hammer Brothers, and he doesn't even stop... until falling into a pit.

Chargin' Chuck: Maybe next time I should look before I charge...

Fortunately for him, Chargin' Chuck falls into a warp pipe that sends him to World 1-2.

World 1-2

Chargin' Chuck: What is the matter with this place? It looks like someone totally destroyed it!

Chargin' Chuck runs through the mess, finally hitting a block from underneath that sprouts a vine.

Chargin' Chuck: I wonder where this will take me?

Chargin' Chuck climbs the vine to Coin Heaven, then enters a pipe, which takes him to...

World 3-1

Chargin' Chuck: Now what? Another level?

Chargin' Chuck races through the level, finds a green trampoline, and decides to jump on it.


Chargin' Chuck: It's taking forever for me to land.

Finally, Chargin' Chuck lands on a staircase, which leads him up and over an overhang to... a warp pipe to
World 1!

Chargin' Chuck: I'm going in circles!

World 1-1

Chargin' Chuck: This is really getting ridiculous. I want to just get this level over with! Hey, who's that ahead?

Yaridovich: It's me, and it's too bad for you that I'm here first. I get to grab the flag at the end of this level before you!

Chargin' Chuck: No, you won't! I'll beat you there!

Both characters race through the level, both taking a shortcut through a pipe, and both running up the
staircase very close together, neck and neck, only that Chargin' Chuck is below Yaridovich on the staircase and can't actually get next to him due to it being a two-dimensional level.

Yaridovich: I'm going to win... hey, where did the flag go?

Roy: Should we have replaced the flags already taken by the last game's participants?

Larry: Yeah, we made the right decision. This will make it harder on them!

World 8-1

Rob-omb: This level is supposed to be hard, but since my recent Quest, it doesn't seem so hard to me.

Rob-omb blows his way through the first part of the level, up until a very long jump is ahead of him.

Rob-omb: Now is the time for some kind of trick... but how can I pull it off?

Paratroopa: You can't make it across, Rob!


Rob-omb: That's all I needed to make it across!

Rob-omb is able to easily grab the flag off the flagpole and exit through the warp pipe in the castle.

Wario Stadium

Croco: We finally have three flags! I got one, Mack got one, and Rob-


Croco: -got one. We need one more, but unfortunately our top two strongest team members have been stinking it up lately.

Smithy: I was having fun destroying stuff!

Yaridovich: I didn't know there was no flag remaining at World 1-1!

Mack: Well, let's all work as a team for that final flag. It's not worth the risk of going for all seven, I think.

Rob-omb: Which level should we go for?

Croco: World 8-2 seems easiest... all it takes is a good jump off a trampoline, and we're through the level!

Smithy: Then let's go!

World 8-2

Croco: Okay, just make it past this batch of enemies, then make the trampoline jump.

Smithy: I can't make that jump!

Yaridovich: Neither can I.

Croco: Then who will?

Mack: You will!

Croco: Fine, here I go.

Croco pathetically jumps off the trampoline, slips, and falls right into a pool of water. Fortunately, he is able to make it across on a swimming Koopa Troopa's back.

Croco: I made it! Now, for the Paratroopa jump.

Croco jumps off a Paratroopa's back, then hits a block, out of which a vine sprouts. He then climbs the vine to the end of the level and the flagpole, collecting his team's fourth flag!

Croco: Yes! Now I've got to get going!

Croco zooms through the castle's warp pipe, going back to Wario Stadium. Unfortunately, the rest of his team is stuck in the level, as they can't get past the trampoline.

Croco: Forget about them, I've got to win this thing!

Wario Stadium

Chargin' Chuck: We have six flags so far, which is pretty good.

Sumo Brother: Yeah, that's always quite an accomplishment. I'll count to make sure... yeah, we've got six here.

Banzai Bill: Do we have enough time to get one more?

Porcu-Puffer: Sure. I'll go get one in a water world, and if any of those RPG players come, you just knock them out of your way.

Mega Mole: Here comes one right now!

As Porcu-Puffer takes off, the four other Super Mario World characters confront Croco.

Chargin' Chuck: You're not going to Crazy Packers Fan until we go there first!

Croco: Hey, this should be illegal!

Sumo Brother: Too bad it isn't, for you, at least.

Croco: Hey, someone give me a hand here! I'm the one supposed to be stealing stuff, not you!

Mega Mole: Well, not today!

Banzai Bill: Where's your little Rob friend now?


Rob-omb goes flying into the midst of the Super Mario World enemies.

Croco: Here he is!

Chargin' Chuck: Well, do you actually think you can beat us, Rob-omb? Ha! You can't blow up, either, because I called you Rob-omb, not Rob!


The SMW players go flying, as Croco runs off to give the flags to Crazy Packers Fan.

Crazy Packers Fan: That's four flags. You win! Super Mario RPG is the winner!

Croco: Yes!

Rob-omb: I figured my exploding would help sometime.

Crazy Packers Fan: Roy, Larry, what is your analysis?

Roy: While we did not get to see most of the action, as it was happening all at the same time, we did see some dumb moves by both sides. First, there was Croco going alone for SMRPG. Why couldn't Rob-omb and Mack come along with him? It would have made things a lot quicker and easier.

Larry: But what about the hilarious stupid call by the SMW squad? They decided to go for the tiebreaker point and rely on beating up to bring the last flag home. Just go for the sure thing! Either that, or have the
others take off for Crazy Packers Fan if they see a SMRPG member coming their way. It's really not that hard to do.

Crazy Packers Fan: After a short break, we'll be right back with more here at Minion Melee!


Mario: Want to-a eat, Luigi?

Luigi: No-a thanks, Mario!

Mario: Want to-a eat, Luigi?

Luigi: No-a thanks, Mario!

Mario: Want to-a eat, Luigi?

Luigi: No-a thanks, Mario!

Bowser: Enjoy that feeling of doing stuff over and over again? Then you'll love the Super Mario Advance
series for the Game Boy Advance! You can play Mario Bros. again and again and again, because we at Nintendo are too lazy to put anything else in! Not only that, but we only make Mario remakes, because we are way too lazy to make brand new games! Except for Mario Kart: Super Circuit, of course, and we're ashamed of the extra effort we put into that one.


Crazy Packers Fan: We're back here with more Minion Melee! Our final match is Paper Mario vs. Luigi's
Mansion. Any picks, you two?

Roy: Paper Mario.

Larry: Paper Mario.

Crazy Packers Fan: Since Luigi's Mansion isn't given much of a chance, it should be interesting to see if that team can pull off a major upset here! Are your teams ready? Then go!

Although neither team even knew it was time to start, both hurry out to the pipes and just start entering them.

Tubba Blubba: We've got this one in the bag! That other team can't compete with us, so let's just hurry up and grab the four flags and just get out of here with a victory!

General Guy: Right.

Tutankoopa: I'll take World C-3!

Crystal King: Then I'll take World 7-3!

Huff N. Puff: Let's go!

World C-3

Tutankoopa jumps from green trampoline to green trampoline, springing over the Lakitu and his Spiny
Eggs, not to mention some Paratroopas and Spinys. He finally makes it across some very difficult jumps past
some outdoor Fire Bars and makes it to the flagpole, only to find...

Tutankoopa: Where's the flag?

World 7-3

The Crystal King makes it through a very similar level, just with no Lakitu and less Paratroopas to bother him. However, after beating the level, he finds himself in the same similar position as Tutankoopa...

Crystal King: What... no flag?!

Wario Stadium

All Paper Mario players report back to Wario Stadium, sharing with each other the distressing news of
beating levels but finding no flags.

Huff N. Puff: Did Crazy Packers Fan fail to replace those flags?

General Guy: No, that's not it. I watched to make sure we picked only levels the other teams didn't.

Huff N. Puff: Then what is it? We didn't see the Luigi's Mansion ghosts take those flags!

Tubba Blubba: That's it. The ghosts took them!

Tutankoopa: So, that means...

Tubba Blubba: They have the flags already.

Crystal King: Look over there!

Crazy Packers Fan: Wow, you guys are fast! I guess that was because you were invisible and intangible, so
you went right through everything and took the flags. Amazing! You only got five, so I can't give you the
tiebreaker point, but you win the match.

Huff N. Puff: That's dumb.

Crazy Packers Fan: What's so dumb about it? They won the match!

Huff N. Puff: That's what's dumb.

Crazy Packers Fan: So, with Luigi's Mansion taking the final match of the day, our standings after Episode 1

Super Mario Bros. 3, 1-0, 1 TP (tiebreaker point)
Super Mario RPG, 1-0, 0 TP
Luigi's Mansion, 1-0, 0 TP
Super Mario World, 0-1, 0 TP
Super Mario Bros. 2, 0-1, 0 TP
Paper Mario, 0-1, 0 TP

Our next episode will be in two weeks, featuring a contest based on the game Super Mario RPG!

Roy: You'd better tell them the schedule.

Larry: I have it right here, and it's like this...

SMB3 vs. SMW
SMB2 vs. PM

Crazy Packers Fan: Now, for the final instructions on how you can interact: vote for whichever team is your
absolute favorite, the one who want to win no matter what. Then vote for whichever team is your least favorite, the one who want to lose no matter what. Finally, you may give an idea for next episode's challenge in the comments box, based on the game suggested, Super Mario RPG. By the way, it might be nice to think of one for my sake, because I know very little about Super Mario RPG. Until two weeks from now, this is Crazy Packers Fan, here with Roy and Larry from Wario Stadium, saying so long for now!

Read on!

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