Chapter 1: A Rocky Start
December 12, 2002, 9:37 AM
In Dark Land one morning, once again, the Koopalings find themselves in trouble with Bowser.
Bowser: I've sat here long enough waiting
for you to bring home Peach! How long has it been since I asked
you to do this? Six months? Eight months?
Ludwig: The precise calculation is 8 months, 12 days, 9 hours, 37 minutes, 7-
Bowser: Same thing! And remember what kind of performance you gave me?
Larry: Not exactly...
Roy: Even I remember what happened then. Maybe we need a flashback...
Larry: It's way too early for a flashback!
From "Koopalings' Quest: Kidnap at all Kosts", March 31, 2002
"WHAT?!" Bowser screams. "I told you to get Princess Peach AND the Mario Brothers, and you only get the princess? You're lazy and took the cheap and easy route! I'd rather let Peach be free than you guys!"
Bowser lets Peach go free in his anger and locks up the Koopalings.
Roy: If not for me finding that key, we would have been there forever!
Iggy: I found the key, and King Dad was about to let us out anyway.
Roy: Well, you know what happened. We stunk it up.
Bowser: You guys have wasted enough time already!
Larry: This isn't the job for us, King Dad.
Bowser: I didn't say this was optional...
Lemmy: Wait, what is this?
Bowser: You bring Peach back to me, and I'll give you all a little bit of money.
Morton: And if we decide to go against, go contrary to your wishes, your wants, your likings...
Bowser: I use Ludwig's Thwomp Machine on all of you.
Roy: That's fine with me!
Bowser: I'll then use Ludwig's Massage Machine on all of you, too.
Larry: Let's go!
Lemmy: What if by chance we can't finish this task and come home early?
Bowser: You bring her back, or you get the nice, electrifying massage from Ludwig's Massage Machine.
Larry: But... but...
Roy: Quit it with the stupidity and let's go!
The Koopalings head outside. There they talk about the way to get to Peach's Castle.
Roy: The nearest warp pipe is in Pipe Land, thanks to Ludwig ruining the ones in Dark Land with his Mind Warp Invention.
Ludwig: It was not only yours truly who ruined the pipes of warping, it was also yourself who assisted me in my failure of trying to create a pipe that would warp any normal citizen to any place in the universe that would come into their conscious mind.
Roy: Who cares?! If you enter one, you
come out the same pipe you entered. We need King Dad to fix them
Lemmy: Stop arguing and start thinking of a plan to get Peach!
Larry: What about just grabbing her and going?
Wendy: Smart thinking. We wouldn't get
out of her castle without Mario somehow finding out that we have
her. You know how Mario always finds out.
Iggy: Then what are we going to do?
Roy: Who knows. Let's just head there. Maybe I'll think of something.
Larry: And maybe we'll win the lottery.
Roy: Was that an insult?
The Koopalings start on their way towards Peach's Castle, but get no further than the border of Pipe Land before being visited by a strange gang of characters.
Rocky Wrench: What is this? Well, look who we have here!
Within seconds, a Rocky Wrench, a Sledge
Brother, a Fire Brother, a Boom Boom, a Dry Bones, and a Pianta
have Iggy tied to a tree and the other six Koopalings up against a wall.
Boom Boom: These are Bowser's kids! Let's destroy them!
Dry Bones: No, let's wait. We aren't called the Ransom Ring for nothing! Let's make them do something for us first!
Fire Brother: Yes. We, the Ransom Ring, all work together for the sole purpose of collectively gaining power and wealth and-
Boom Boom: Want to give away all of our secrets?
Fire Brother: Sorry.
Sledge Brother: Anyway, we'll use Iggy as bait for our next job.
Rocky Wrench: That's right. Now, I want the rest of you to blow up Peach's Castle for us.
The Koopalings look at each other, a blank look on each of their faces. Even Ludwig looks fairly unintelligent.
Wendy: How are we supposed to do that?
Rocky Wrench: I built seven Bob-omb pipes around Peach's Castle. If a Bob-omb is placed in each one, a switch will go off, and all seven Bob-ombs will warp into an extremely flammable and explosive power generator. This plan of mine is sure to work, unlike any of Ludwig's plans.
Ludwig: There is no reason at all to offer an affront towards me...
Rocky Wrench: Anyway, all you have to do is put the seven Bob-ombs in the pipes, run away, and watch the castle explode. Simple, isn't it?
Larry: And if we don't?
Rocky Wrench: If not, we give Iggy the hammer, and the fireball, and the bone, and the fist...
Pianta: Blargg bloou org blum!
Fire Brother: What? Speak English!
Pianta: And you not want that! No, you not. It hurt.
Ludwig: Let us take the pleasure of creating a fight against them.
Roy: Wait! Time out! Let's have a huddle!
The Koopalings save Iggy huddle up.
Larry: We can't let Iggy get killed!
Roy: It's only Iggy.
Larry: Who will you beat up?
Larry: Come on!
Roy: Okay, okay, I'll spare Iggy's life. But he'd better pay me back for it!
Morton: Why wouldn't Rocky want to blow
up the castle himself? It would be easier, simpler for him, and he
may get a big reward, a bonus.
Lemmy: That is strange, but how about this... we put six Bob-ombs in the pipes. One of us goes inside, talks to Peach, and threatens her by telling her our plan. She'll willingly give herself up rather than die in the explosion. This way, although Rocky is acting hostile towards us, he's actually helping us to kidnap the princess.
Ludwig: I agree with you. This should work.
The Koopas break the huddle.
Roy: Okay, Rocky, you win. We won't fight you and we'll have that castle blown up, as long as you don't kill Iggy.
Rocky Wrench: Fine. Take these Bob-ombs.
Rocky Wrench hands out the seven Bob-ombs to the six Koopalings.
Rocky Wrench: Remember, we keep Iggy until you blow up Peach's Castle.
Iggy: Good luck, guys!
The six remaining Koopalings take off for a warp pipe, which takes them immediately to Peach's Castle.
Chapter 2: Frame Seven... Strike
December 12, 2002, 10:01 AM
Each of the Koopalings takes a Bob-omb, and Roy takes two. All but Larry place their Bob-ombs in their respective pipes. In the meantime, Larry has bribed the Mushroom guards at the doors of the castle to let him in with some counterfeit coins.
Larry finds himself in the midst of a great banquet, with Mario, Luigi, Daisy, and Peach eating with a bunch of Mushrooms, probably all high in rank.
Daisy: What's the Bob-omb for? Planning to blow us up?
Larry: Actually, yes. If Peach doesn't come with me, I'll blow up this castle.
Everyone stops talking and eating and looks at each other seriously. Larry starts to snicker as Peach stands up.
Larry: Ready to come with me?
All of a sudden, everyone at the table burts into laughter. Luigi laughs so hard he falls on the ground. Even Peach can't stop herself from laughing.
Larry: Fine, then, I'll blow up this castle!
Mario: The sooner, the better!
Luigi: What a jokester!
Toad: He'd better stop it before one of us dies laughing!
Larry: What's so funny? I'll blow you all up!
Wooster: You really think you're going to- oh man, you crack me up!
The King: I haven't laughed like this in years!
Angrily, Larry storms out of the castle.
Larry: Ludwig! Lemmy! Roy! Wendy! Morton! They refuse.
Roy: Then let's get this show on the
road! Get that Bob-omb in its place and Peach's Castle will be
Larry: They're all laughing at me, even after I said I'd blow them all up!
Lemmy: Who is?
Larry: Both princesses, the Mario Brothers, a million Mushrooms...
Wendy: They must not believe you!
Larry: We'll have a surprise for them.
Roy: Wait a minute! Won't King Dad be mad if we don't have Peach with us?
Lemmy: If we blow up the princesses and the Mario Brothers, he'll be more than happy!
Roy: That is true. Go ahead and put the final Bob-omb in!
Morton: Make sure we escape, get away, move away from the castle, the palace, before it explodes.
Roy: That's for sure. Ludwig, you put the Bob-omb in.
Ludwig: Why must it be yours truly that must place the object of destruction in its proper place?
Roy: You're the oldest!
Ludwig: Fine, but if yours truly gets hurt-
Larry: Just do it!
As the other Koopalings rush away, Ludwig
places the final Bob-omb in its place. All seven Bob-ombs then slide down
their pipes. Ludwig runs away with his fingers in his ears, then dives
to the ground. Surely the
castle is about to explode. But, after five minutes, nothing has blown up. The Koopalings all meet over at a warp pipe, where they hope to get away.
Larry: Why hasn't the castle blown up yet?
Lemmy: Maybe it takes a while for it to work.
Wendy: Were we supposed to light the Bob-ombs?
Ludwig: No, lighting them up was never mentioned.
Roy: What's wrong, then?
Morton: Look at this!
The Koopalings rush to see what Morton is looking at. It is a TV, seen through the window of a nearby house. On the TV, tons of Troopa reporters are over at Castle Koopa, which looks a little strange.
Larry: What the?
Roy knocks on the window of the house. The Koopa Troopa inside opens his window.
Roy: What's going on?
Koopa Troopa: Part of Castle Koopa just blew up. No one knows whether Bowser is safe or not.
Larry: Who blew it up?
Koopa Troopa: No one knows, but Rocky Wrench is about to speak to reporters. Here he is now!
On the TV.
Rocky Wrench: I heard about the Koopalings wanting to get back at their father for making them do ridiculous things. They said they were going to place Bob-ombs in pipes and attack his castle to exact revenge on him. My friends and I caught Iggy as they escaped through a warp pipe. Who knows where they are now? I don't exactly like those Koopalings, either, and I'm pretty glad I finally have the evidence to catch them, after all the times I've heard them insulting their father...
Troopa Reporter: Are you sure it's them who did it?
Rocky Wrench: I have a video recording of Iggy telling me all about their plans to blow up the castle. He now says it was Peach's Castle they were going to destroy, but I figured out that he really meant Castle Koopa.
Rocky Wrench shows the video..
Iggy: We're going to blow up the castle with Bob-ombs.
Troopa Reporter: We could use more evidence than that...
Rocky Wrench: I also have tapes of the
Koopalings placing Bob-ombs in pipes, which I assume must lead
into Castle Koopa. They're on this screen right now.
The screen is now showing the Koopalings
placing Bob-ombs into the pipes around Peach's Castle. From the black-and-white
screen, however, it is nearly impossible to tell that these tapes came
around Peach's Castle, not Castle Koopa.
Troopa Reporter: Be on the lookout for the Koopalings! Do not welcome them into your houses! They are mad at their father, wanting to conquer Plit! If you see them, call the police immediately!
Not on TV.
Koopa Troopa: AAAAAHHHHH!!! Police! Police!
As the Koopa Troopa rushes to his phone, the shocked Koopalings run in terror.
Lemmy: We've been framed! All seven of us!
Ludwig: This is not the way I expected this entire thing to work out.
Roy: We're in for it now!
As the Koopalings run, Larry trips and
falls into a warp pipe. He is warped far away into a high mountain
in Giant Land while the others rush off, not even noticing that they have lost Larry.
Chapter 3: Deuces Wild
December 12, 2002, 10:27 AM
Larry finds himself in a casino, built right into Mount Giganticus. Many Sledge Brothers around him are playing slot machines and betting at Poker.
Sledge Brother Dealer: Want to join us?
Larry is still woozy from his fall, as he hit his head on the pipe right before being warped. He nods his and sits down at the nearby Poker table.
Sledge Brother Dealer: We're playing Giant Land Hold'em High-Low, Deuces Wild. You start.
Larry places a couple of coins on the
table. He looks around at the casino, seeing all kinds of Sledge
Brothers getting upset at their slot machines. He also sees a couple of televisions over at a built-in restaurant, on which Castle Koopa is shown, about a third of it in a pile of rubble. As he looks at his
cards, he can faintly hear a couple of Sledge Brothers shouting something, with the word "Koopalings" definitely being used.
Larry's cards: 2, 3, 4, 8
Larry faintly smiles, then raises his bet. A couple of Sledge Brothers grumble, then fold. The rest match his bet. Just then, an extremely large Koopa Troopa walks over to Larry's table.
Gargantua Troopa: Hey, aren't you that Larry Koopa?
Larry: What's wrong with him?
Gargantua Troopa: He blew up part of Castle Koopa!
The other Sledge Brothers glare at Larry.
Larry: Uh, well, I-
Gargantua Troopa: You definitely are him!
Larry: *gulp* I think I have to go-
Gargantua Troopa: Oh, no, you can stay.
We don't like Bowser too much, because he wants to shut down all
casinos everywhere. Only in Giant Land is gambling legal, because Iggy fought for it. Bowser said he may
shut down the Giant Land casinos as well if he feels like it. So, good job, Larry! Let's have a cheer for him!
All Sledge Brothers: Larry! Larry!
Larry: All right! Go on and deal.
The dealer gives out a 5, a 10, an Ace, an 8, and a 4 to the table. From this, Larry is able to win a large pot of coins.
Larry: What a nice start!
Larry spends quite a few hours playing
Poker, and by night he has made 200 coins on top of the 20 he began
with. Little does he know that the dealer stacked the deck in order that Larry would win, as a token of the casino's appreciation for him supposedly blowing up Castle Koopa. Over the course of the night, however, Larry has changed from being very quiet and shy to becoming a bit cocky, thinking his strategy is causing him to win.
Larry: Come on, let's have another deal. Anyone brave enough to face me?
Sledge Brother Dealer: Sorry, it's closing time.
Larry: Closing time?
Sledge Brother Dealer: Yeah, you got to go now.
Larry: Uh oh... you sure I can't stay here? After all, I'm keeping you in business.
Sledge Brother Dealer: Look, pal, even if you're the great and mighty Larry Koopa, this isn't a motel. Find somewhere to stay. That ain't my job, buddy.
Larry walks out of the casino angrily. He starts searching around the mountains for a place to stay, but he cannot find any as all of the Sledge Brothers who live there refuse to let him in. He finally decides to try to find a warp pipe to Grass Land, where he could go stay in his castle.
Chapter 4: Land of Confusion
December 12, 2002, 10:40 AM
Shortly after Larry fell into the warp
pipe, the five Koopalings besides he and Iggy find a deserted shack
in Grass Land's Goomba Forest. They break into it and start to talk about what to do.
Roy: We were definitely set up.
Lemmy: Yeah, I definitely think Rocky Wrench set us up to make Castle Koopa explode with the Bob-ombs, not Peach's Castle. He must be against King Dad and us for some reason.
Ludwig: From what I deduce, Rocky in actuality made the Bob-omb pipes lead to Castle Koopa. That's part of the reason why he and his gang captured our dear brother Iggy, in order to force us to blow up part of Castle Koopa.
Wendy: But why would he even set this all up?
Morton: That fact is very confusing, perplexing, mind-boggling.
Lemmy: That is pretty difficult to figure
out. But if anyone set this up, it was Rocky Wrench. It turned out
perfectly for him.
Wendy: How come everyone believes his story?
Roy: Remember the video camera that Sledge Brother was holding? He must have taped Iggy telling Rocky what we were gonna do sometime after we left. Iggy must have said something about blowing up the castle with Bob-ombs, and Rocky says that's Castle Koopa.
Ludwig: I also recall video cameras on the sides of Peach's Castle... I was wondering what those were to be used for.
Roy: Also, Larry said the Marios laughed
at him... I bet Rocky Wrench and his crew worked with them to set
Lemmy: No matter what, we're still the ones with the blame for this, and the worst thing is, we're probably the ones that blew up part of the castle, although we did it by accident.
Roy: I also wonder if King Dad survived the explosion...
The five Koopalings look down at the ground in sadness. A few minutes later, Roy is filled with vengeance.
Roy: That's it! Rocky may have taken
Iggy and possibly King Dad away from us, but he's not taking away our
freedom! We're going to fight and take back what he stole from us! Are you all with me?
Wendy: All five of us.
Roy: What do you mean by that?
Wendy: Where's Larry?
All five Koopalings stare at each other. In all the confusion and anger, they have not even noticed that Larry has left them.
Wendy: Well, now what?
Ludwig: Let me ponder upon what has just transpired... we looked in the Koopa Troopa's window. We watched the TV. The Troopa called the police. We ran off. From that point forward, I do not recall seeing Larry, unless I have miscalculated.
Morton: You are right, correct, accurate in your thinking, your reasoning.
Lemmy: But where in the universe could he be? For all we know, he could have either been captured, found a warp pipe, or even fought off some Grass Land Police by now. It's been about 45 minutes or so since we left that Troopa's house.
Roy: Which is why I think we should
still do what I said... go conquer Rocky Wrench, and we'll easily find
Wendy: I guess that's the only thing we can do... except hide here until we're captured.
Ludwig: Hold on a second... if all Koopas hate us, wouldn't the Marios be on our side?
Ludwig: So why don't we go and get them on our side, then conquer Rocky Wrench?
Morton: I am a big fan of the idea. You know, I often get great ideas like that, and everyone likes me when I do. Has that ever happened to you? I'm sure it has. You know, I like when people like me, and-
Lemmy: It's dangerous trying to get the Marios on our side, but we could try.
Roy: I like that. We get Mario and Luigi
on our side, conquer Rocky Wrench, clear our names, then take over
the Mushroom Kingdom. Perfect!
Wendy: Uh... let's cut out that "take over the Mushroom Kingdom" part for right now.
The Koopalings head back out of the
woods towards Peach's Castle. As they get closer to the castle, they
see a ton of Koopa Troopas with Bullet Bill cannons standing outside the Troopa's house where they had
watched the TV.
Troopa Officer 1: Who's that?
Troopa Officer 2: I see blue hair... looks like Ludwig!
Troopa Officer 3: I also see rainbow-like hair... that's Lemmy!
Troopa Officer 4: Those are the Koopalings! Get them!
The Troopas start firing the cannons at the Koopalings. The Koopalings know exactly how Mario used to avoid the Bullet Bills, but Roy and Ludwig are so slow that they are unable to make timely jumps over the Bullet Bills. Fortunately for the Koopalings, the Bullet Bills have been fired at the wrong angles, and they miss easily. Unfortunately for the Koopalings, a ton of Goombas appear on their right, all chasing wildly after them. Even worse, a bunch of Mushroomers come from their left (probably from Peach's Castle) with spears, hoping to get at the Koopalings.
Roy: We're going to be captured now... or worse!
Ludwig: Let us use this confusion to our advantage! If we can find a hole in the Goombas, they might over-pursue us and we could possibly make a narrow escape!
Wendy: It always seems easier when you're thinking about it in your head, but when it actually occurs in real life, it's a lot harder than that!
Troopas, Bullet Bills, Goombas, Mushrooms,
and Koopalings all come crashing into each other, creating
one huge mess. While the Bullet Bills end up knocking some Goombas and Mushrooms out of the way, there is a mess of Troopas and Goombas clawing and biting, trying to get at the Koopalings. Once the pile is cleared up, the Koopalings are all easily captured, but it is all not yet done.
Goomba Officer: These guys are definitely under the Grass Land Police's jurisdiction.
Troopa Officer 1: Are you kidding? These guys committed a crime against King Bowser. They belong to the Koopa Police now.
Mushroom Officer: This is a crime against the entire Mushroom Kingdom. Let Peach have them!
As the officers fight, the Koopalings
hope to make an escape. Roy starts to wiggle from the grasp of the
gigantic Troopas that are holding onto him.
Roy: This might work to our advantage...
Unfortunately for the Koopalings, all three sides work out a plan, and they all head towards Peach's Castle. The Koopalings are then brought before Princess Peach.
Peach: I'll see these guys in the morning. Lock them up for now!
The Koopalings are locked up in the castle's dungeon for the night.
Chapter 5: Survival of the Fattest
December 13, 2002, 8:30 AM
Larry made it back to his castle in Grass Land, staying there for the night. He now wants to find out what exactly has happened at Castle Koopa. Finding a warp pipe to Pipe Land, he makes his way to Dark Land and Castle Koopa, which is partially destroyed.
Larry: There has to be a way in there somehow...
With many Koopatrols lurking, most Koopalings
would be caught. Larry, however, is too sneaky for that, and he finally
finds a way into the castle, using a couple of Note Blocks which are strangely
located outside the
castle in order to jump over a lava moat and into a castle window. There, he finds his father, Bowser, trapped between collapsed walls and still-standing walls.
Larry: You survived?
Bowser: Why wouldn't I? Remember, you can't ever kill off the main villain of a story!
Larry: Rocky Wrench is the main villian, as he was the one who set this up.
Bowser: I've found that out by listening
behind these walls. Rocky Wrench tricked me into believing those
Bob-ombs would destroy Peach's Castle, while he had built those pipes to destroy mine. He's been talking
to Mario and Luigi, and they say they're taking your brothers and sister to a football stadium tomorrow, where Rocky Wrench and his crew will be waiting.
Larry: I was thinking we Koopalings might be liked by the Marios for our accidental destruction of half of your castle, but we fell into the Marios' trap.
Bowser: Exactly. Now we have to find a way to get to that stadium.
Larry: Which one?
Bowser: I thought you would know who is playing in the Mario Bowl.
Larry: Well, I-
Bowser: Great! This is what happens when we get mad about losing and refuse to watch the playoffs!
Larry: We can always-
All of a sudden, one of the walls collapses next to Bowser, revealing Rocky Wrench and his pals.
Rocky Wrench: Good job, Larry. You were
the only one we were worried about, but now we have you as well as everyone
else. Tomorrow, you will witness the final days of your own and Peach's
reign, as I will lure Mario's team along with the Koopalings into Wario
Stadium, where the referees will be members of my
gang. We will then have you all captured, and I'll take over the Mushroom Kingdom!
Larry: Too bad for you the Marios have tons of citizens who love them.
Rocky Wrench: Too bad for you I will reveal on the stadium's big screen immediately after the game that the Marios were behind the Castle Koopa explosion, as they were hoping to start a dictatorship over the entire Mushroom Kingdom. While they think they're allies with me, they're really falling into a big trap, and whether they win or lose their game against Giant Land, they'll be bigger losers once they have all of the Mushroom Kingdom hating them!
Larry notices Bowser reaching in his pocket to pull out a few coins.
Larry: What are you doing? Are you paying off Rocky Wrench to let us go?
Bowser: Who said anything about letting us go? I'm betting these five coins that Giant Land wins, straight up!
Fire Brother: I'll take that bet...