The Good, the Bad, and the Torte

By Chef Torte

Chapter 17: To Luna Land

Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi appeared in front of the Grand Pianta Statue. In Mario’s backpack lay the mystical treasure, the Crystal Shine. The three of them had one of the needed items for their adventure. Now they must find the Crystal Star and Moon.

“Hmm, well-a we need two more crystals, anyone have an idea where they would-a be?” Mario asked.

“Well, the Crystal Moon is probably in the Mega Moon’s homeland. That-a would be the far southeast island-a of Luna Land,” Luigi said.

“Good idea. But we need some way of traveling there. Any ideas? I’m out of all of-a Magic Whistles,” Mario replied.

“Yoshi have idea!” Yoshi said.

“What, Yoshi?” Mario and Luigi asked.

“Why don’t we take that boat? It leaving for Luna Land!” Yoshi said. He pointed to a large brig about to leave marked “LVK Cruises”.

“You’re a genius, Yoshi!” Mario said.

“Yoshi know...” Yoshi replied slyly.

They ran to board the boat. With empty holes in their pockets the three of them weren’t able to pay. The Pianta in charge wouldn’t let them in for free until he got a message on his headset saying they were fine. Then he let them on.

The boat left port and headed towards the far away Luna Land. The boat looked beautiful. There were many features and activities. It was clearly first class.

“Tell the owners of LVK cruises, good-a job!” Luigi said smiling.

Yoshi drooled over the fruit platter. “Yoshi LOVE LVK cruises!”

“I’m-a tired from that last battle. I’m-a going to go to-a bed,” Mario said tiredly.

Luigi and Yoshi enjoyed the festivities while Mario slept. He wasn’t really tired out from the battle, because Yoshi did most of the work. He was just plain tired. After about an hour, Luigi and Yoshi also grew tired. They each had their own cabins. Soon the darkness of night came. The moon and stars glowed through the sky. Their's was the only light provided, other than the ship’s. The only noise heard was the gentle brushing of the waves on the boat’s bottom.

Mario lay awake in his bed. He listened to the waves and his breathing. He also heard the miniature refridgerator’s humming. He barely slept. When he awoke, night had settled in. The whole thing puzzeled him. None of his past enemies could be planning something like this. Bowser certainly wouldn’t have done it. He wasn’t clever enough to know of the items or the idea of collecting them. He couldn’t figure out who it would be. He worried about the sick princess waiting for him at home. Mario wished he knew how she was doing. He was perplexed by everything in the adventure, even the name of the boat company they were riding. LVK Cruises seemed disturbingly familiar. He waved off all of his thoughts and tried to get to sleep.

Mario was awakened by an ominous sound. Something had hit the boat and now the boat stopped. He got up and checked Luigi and Yoshi, who were also awake. They walked up to the deck. It was still night and the ship’s lights had been turned off. The noise of a motorboat starting filled the area. They caught a glimpse of the ship's crew speeding off, ditching them. Luigi yelled at them, but Mario and Yoshi knew it was no use. After Luigi stopped yelling, they wondered what had hit the boat. They looked down for a rock, an iceberg, or even another boat. They didn’t find anything.

“Maybe it was a whale?” Luigi asked.

“BELUGA!” Yoshi blurted.

“Mamamia! It’s-a worse than a Beluga!” Mario said, pointing at an enormous tentacle reaching out of the ocean.

The tentacle smashed the boat in half.

Chapter 18: Roy vs. Iggy

Roy jumped into the arena. His weight caused quakes in the whole castle.

“Da only reason you beat up Larry was because you tricked ‘em!” Roy accused.

“Well, that may be true, but I still won! So nyah!” Junior called.

“I’m taking you out!” Roy shouted.

“Bring it on, pudgy!” Junior taunted.

Roy jumped over to Junior’s platform, making eack platform sink a bit into the lava. Junior jumped up and dodged Roy’s first attack. He shot down and bounced on his bald, pink head. Roy became angered and shot fireballs rapidly at Junior. Junior dodged them “matrix style”.

“Now I’m going to show you how it’s done!” Junior said. He started charging Roy, Roy didn’t move though. When Junior made contact with Roy’s stomach, nothing happened except Junior looked really stupid. His fist was caught in Roy’s fat rolls. Roy smiled and punched his lights out.

“HA HA!” Roy laughed.

“Okay! Now, picking randomly, I will choose your next challenger, Roy!” Bowser said. He picked out a piece of paper saying, Iggy. “Iggy! You’re up next!” Bowser said with a smile.

“Me? Fight ROY? Are, are you sure?” Iggy panicked.

“Ha ha! Get down here, paperweight!” Roy called.

“All right.” Iggy swallowed. “I’ll try my best!

“Go beat ‘em, Ig!” Lemmy said from across the globe.

Iggy hopped into the ring. Roy spit down into the flaming pit. Iggy perspired greatly.

“Now it’s time to meet yer maka, Ignoramus!” Roy teased.

“Just get it over with!” Iggy said, closing his eyes.

Roy hopped over and uppercut the blue Koopa. Iggy barely duodged, grabbing onto the edge of a platform. Roy turned around and jumped to that platform. He crushed Iggy’s claw when landing on the platform.

“OUCHKABIBBLE!!!” Iggy shouted.

Iggy climbed up and jumped away from the platform. Roy shot some fireballs at Iggy but missed Iggy sucked in air, and breathed out flames, not fireballs. Roy, astonished at this, did not move, so he got burnt to a crisp.

“HOW did you do that?” Roy asked.

“Um, I’m not gonna tell you!” Iggy yelled, sucking in more air.

Roy dodged this one. He retaliated with some of his own fireballs. One hit Iggy. “Ha! I’m surprised you can see through those glasses, they’re SO thick!” Roy taunted.

“I agree!” Iggy said, smiling.

He pulled out a laser machine. He shot it at Roy.

“Ha! Oooh, you’re going to warm me to death!” Roy laughed.

“Not quite!” Iggy said. Iggy took off his glasses and used them to magnify his laser. He aimed at Roy and blasted the fat oaf into the wall.

“Ugh, you think you’re so smart! But dat’s not enough to beat me!” Roy said, getting up. He pulled out a sledge hammer. “Heh heh, I got dis from da Sledge Bros.! Who’s up for a game of Koopa Croquet?”

“Hey! If you can use a weapon...” Iggy said pulling out a Magikoopa’s wand, “so can I!”

“Where’d you get dat?!” Roy questioned.

“A Magikoopa I met at a casino gave it to me because he thought I was a Magikoopa who lost all his equipment, except for my glasses!” Iggy smiled.

“You still won’t beat me!” Roy yelled.

Iggy blasted a spell with his wand, but Roy deflected it with his hammer. Roy threw his hammer at Iggy, it missed by a few inches.

“Ha HA! Now I’ll use your own weapon against you!” Iggy laughed. Iggy tried to pick up the hammer, but it was way too heavy for him.

“You seem to have lost strength ova da years! Ha ha ha!” Roy laughed.

Iggy started up his wand, levitated the hammer, and threw it at Roy with magic. Roy was too busy laughing to notice. He was banged square on the head.

“OH! Now you is gettin’ it!” Roy yelled. Roy grabbed the hammer and charged Iggy. Iggy prepared a massive spell. When Roy was about to attack, Iggy’s spell went off. A huge green explosion filled the room. Iggy flew to one side of the room. Roy flew to the other. After a brief silence the winner stood up...

Chapter 19: Perilous Princess

Chef Torte paced around the room. He hadn’t done an act of evil lately, so he was edgy. The Mecha Yoshi was taking longer than expected. His apprentice walked up to him and was about to say something, but for a response was knocked over the head with Torte’s PAN OF PAIN. “Oops... ah vell, I suppose iit ist not zat big of deal,” Chef Torte murmured.

“Hey, Torte.” Genius Guy said, walking out of the lab.

“Ist finished?!” Chef Torte asked.

“No, not yet. But I was just wondering...” Genius Guy said.

“Vat?” Torte snapped.

“We’re not really going to be an evil organization until we do something, but, even getting rid of all the fruit in the world might not make us an official organization... maybe a buisness,” Genius Guy said.

“Hmm, you are right. Continue verking, I’ll start scheming,” Chef Torte said.

After about three hours of cappicinos and one poker game, Chef Torte still had no evil tactic.

“Still no evil ideas, Torte?” Changling asked.

“Nah, none of my own. All I can zink of ist Bowseir’s evil moves.” Chef Torte sighed.

“Wait! Maybe that’s it! It’s not so original, but maybe you can do something Bowser does!” Changling said.

“Yeah! But vat does Bowseir do in his evil plans?” Chef Torte asked.

“Well, I used to work for him, and I kept a list. Let’s see it...” Changling grabbed a notepad. “Uh, captured Peach, captured Peach, captured Peach, captured Peach, captured Mario, captured Peach, captured Peach, captured Peach, captured Peach, captured Yoshis, and um, captured Peach.”

“Vell... I suppose ve could alvays capture Princess Toadstool. But it’s not so original...” Chef Torte said.

“But it is! Everyone expects Bowser to steal her, but they haven’t even heard of you! It will completely blow them away, and besides, that’s not your main plan! Your plan is to get rid of all the fruit! This is just a side plan,” Changling explained.

“I see, but Bowser always kidnaps ze princess because he likes heir. I don’t like heir, in fact, she ist stupid! I hate heir!” Chef Torte said.

“All the better reason to kidnap her!” Changling smiled.

Chef Torte raised an eyebrow. “Fire up ze choppeir! Set ze course for Toadstool Town!”

Chapter 20: Behemoth Blooper Battle

Mario, Luigi and Yoshi, flew up into the air, each landing hard in the water. The ship was split in half by the enormous tentacle, and now it was slowly sinking into the ocean. Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi felt vulnerable and cold in the water. They quickly swam to each other.

“How are we-a going to get out of this-a mess?!” Mario panicked.

“Swim! Fast! Now!” Luigi said.

They began swimming, but were cut off every way by the massive monster’s towering tentacles. There seemed to be no hope.

“Wait! Maybe this’ll help!” Luigi said, grabbing something in his pack. He pulled out a Frog Suit, a Tanooki Suit, and a Fire Flower. Mario slipped on the Tanooki Suit, Luigi equipped the Frog Suit, and Yoshi ate the Fire Flower. Mario grabbed Yoshi and took to the air while Luigi dived underwater. Above the water, Yoshi spat fireballs at the tentacles raised from the ocean’s depths.

Luigi was swimming deep down. He could barely see, there were thousands of bubbles rising up from his direction. He tried to see the monster’s head, body, anything. He continued to swim. Above water, Yoshi singed a tentacle critically; it fell back into the ocean. As it went down it came over Luigi and pushed him down further. Luigi saw the gigantic body and head of the beast. It was terrifying. The water wasn’t as cold around Luigi anymore. The beast saw him and started swimming up to the green plumber. Luigi swam for his life. He couldn’t stop for a second unless he wanted to be a Kalimari appetizer.

Mario and Yoshi noticed a large bubbling in the ocean below them; they knew the Blooper must be coming up. They saw the Luigi surface, and grabbed him on site.

“You know, I can’t-a hold much longer!” Mario shouted.

The Behemoth Blooper’s beastly body breached. Ten tentacles surrounded the beast. It looked up and showed its hideous eyes to them. Yoshi spat fire at them, injuring the Blooper. It shook violently and attacked them with its tentacles. Mario manuvered as best he could but was beaten down by a tentacle, causing the three heroes to fall into the sea. Individual tentacles shot through the water and grabbed them, pulling them close to the Blooper's face. Mario and Luigi struggled to break free while Yoshi spat more fire at the beast’s eyes but mostly missed. It pulled them under and revealed its mouth on the bottom. The beast ate them live.


Nimbus Land’s hospital was on full alert. One of their patients was missing, their most important patient. Princess Toadstool had disappeared from the area. Everyone was in a hectic search.

“Oh dear! Do you think Bowser found out the princess was here?” Toadsworth asked.

“Well, it was all over the newspapers,” Toad said. “But I don’t think Bowser would be that suttle! Maybe it was someone else...”

Peach slowly opened her crusted over eyes. She rubbed them and looked around. She noticed this was somewhere she had never been before, and became worried. She saw she was wearing a patient’s outfit. She looked around and saw a doctor breathing heavily walk in the room.

“W-where am I?” Peach asked.

“Oh no! You’re awake... I mean, you’re currently in the Nimbus Land hospital,” the doctor said.

“Why am I in the hospital? All I remember was a ghost thingie, and a library... and...” Peach trailed off and fell back into unconciousness.

“All right, at least she’s not talking anymore...” the doctor said.

The Nimbian doctor stood in the middle of the room, making sure the door was locked securely. He pulled out a wand, and shapeshifted into a Magikoopa. “That’s better, now where’s Torte?” Chengling asked aloud.

The noise of helicopter propellers filled the room. Changling smiled and opened the window. Torte’s chopper hovered above the hospital. A rope ladder was extended down to Changling. The Magikoopa  grabbed the very ill princess and climbed up to the chopper.


Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi fell down the water slide of the Behemoth Blooper’s throat. Splashing into some stomach acid, the three climbed up to a safer area. Mario and Luigi’s packs had melted off, and they salvaged what they could. They had one Super Mushroom, one Wing Cap, one Hammer Bros. suit, one plunger, and one Bob-omb.

“Mamamia! We’re INSIDE the Behemoth Blooper!” Luigi cried.

“Calm-a down!” Mario said. “We’ll find a way out!”

They walked through the beast, finding bizarre things that only threw them off track. They continued to search for a way out. Eventually they came back to where they started. Everything seemed hopeless.

“Wait! Maybe we could plug where the food goes with the plunger!” Luigi said.

“What will that do besides choke him?” Mario questioned.

“That’s the idea! He’ll choke and have to cough, and using the Wing Cap, we’ll cough our way out of here!” Luigi answered.

“Yeah, but who’s gonna go down there?” Mario asked.

Luigi handed Mario the plunger. “You! You’re the most well-trained. It’s our only hope!”

Mario breathed in deeply. “Okey dokey... but I’m-a not gonna like it!”

Mario grabbed the plunger and walked to the edge of the stomach acid. He took off his cap and dived under. He could feel the heat of the acid surrounding him. It was horrifyingly hot. He continued down. He finally found the small opening. He shoved the plunger into it. Swimming up as fast as he could, Mario jumped to the shore, slightly burned. Placing the Wing Cap on his head, he grabbed Luigi and Yoshi’s hands. Once the beast began coughing, they used the lift from his hacking to fly up and out. At the last second, Luigi grabbed the Bob-omb and threw it down the monster’s gullet. They flew out and the Bob-omb exploded. The Blooper felt extreme pain and dove back down into the depths. The sun was up now and Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi glided to land. Conveniently, the Behemoth Blooper had brought them close to shore. They landed and began seaching the new island...

Chapter 21: New Villain on the Block

The bright green explosion filled the room. Roy and Iggy were launched into seperate corners. After the dust settled, the crowd of Koopas anticipated the next thing to happen. Slowly, very slowly, one of the combatants opened his eyes, and twitched his claws around. The Koopa stood up and complete silence was heard. He looked around, but could barely see a thing. So he grabbed his glasses on the ground and slipped them on.

“Iggy, beat Roy?!” Wendy whispered.

“No way, dude!” Larry said.

“Oh my gosh! It’s the event of the millenium! Iggy beat Roy! Iggy beat Roy! Iggy beat Roy! It’ll be all everyone’s talking about! It’ll be all over the newspapers! It’ll be all over television! It’ll be all over the Internet! ROY BULLY KOOPA WAS DEFEATED BY IGGUS HOPPITY KOOPA!!!” Morton passed out.

“I.... I, did?” Iggy said in astonishment.

“Yes you did!” Lemmy said.

"I, I Iggy Koopa, I...”

“Hey! Don’t use my signature phrase!” Larry shouted.

“Sorry, but me? I beat Roy?!” An evil smirk grew on Iggy’s face. “Yes! I beat Roy! I did. And don’t you maggots forget it! Now I’m the bully of the Koopa Kids! AND YOU BETTER WATCH OUT!”

“Oh yeah?” Wendy said, hopping into the arena. “I’d like to see you whip me!”

Iggy turned and laughed. “You can’t beat me, little sister!”

“I might be younger than you, but even when we were kids I whupped your butt!” Wendy shouted.

Everyone laughed.

“Well now I’m gonna repay you the favor!” Iggy said.

Kamek burst into the room. “What’s going on?” Bowser roared.

Kamek gasped. “Bowser! Important news! Come with me!”

They all followed Kamek to the castle’s bridge. Piloting the ship-castle was General Jagger, and Kammy Koopa was also there. Kamek turned on a television. The news channel came on. A Lakitu was giving the weather.

“A slight drizzle is the news, Kamek?” Bowser asked.

“No, wait!” Kamek said.

The camera went back to the Mushroomer and Goomba anchors.

“We have another update on the Princess Toadstool situation,” the Goomba said.

“What happened to Peach?” Bowser exclaimed.

“Princess Toadstool, of the Mushroom Kingdom, was taken to the Nimbus Land hospital because she became seriously ill and could possibly die,” the anchorshroom said.

“Peach’s sick?!” Bowser shouted.

“But now even worse, Princess Toadstool has been kidnapped... again! But we have no clues pointing toward King Bowser Koopa of the Koopa Troop as a suspect. Authorities believe it was someone else’s doing,” the Mushroomer said.

“Someone ELSE kidnapped Peach?! This is insane, but that’s a REALLY good picture of me!” Bowser said, smiling. A good picture of Bowser was on the screen.

“Yes it’s very nice... but... WHAT IS THIS?” Kamek spazzed.

“I don’t know! Someone has stolen my signature crime! And boy, are they going to get it!” Bowser said.

“The only other villain I believe that has ever stolen a princess was that alien Tatanga, but he kidnapped Princess Daisy and hasn’t been seen since. Well, except for when he helped Wario...” Kammy said.

“We now have a video image of Princess Toadstool’s kidnapper... we are going to image... now!” the anchor said.

The image of a Koopa with a tiny mustache wearing a chef’s hat appeared. “Hello Plit! I am ze new evil you must fear! I am Chef Torte! Masteir of Evil und Culinary Arts! No longeir must you vorry about King Koopa! I am ze new zhreat, I am ze new new evil, und I vill prevail! Mwah ha ha ha! Unlezz one hundred billion coins are deliveired to moi in zhree days, you vill neveir see your precious princess again!” Chef Torte laughed.

Chef Torte moved away from the camera to show an unconscious Peach dangling from a rope over two dragon-like Yoshis. Then a Shy Guy wearing specs and a labcoat ran around the room with a souped up frying pan. Chef Torte yelled and chased the imbecilic Shy Guy around for about five seconds until he tripped over the camera and the image was lost.

“Chef Torte thinks he’s the new top villain! You just can’t pop up from anywhere and become a great villain! It’s insane! It’s...” Bowser began rambling like Morton.

Lemmy looked puzzeled from his computer screen. “Wasn’t he that guy who lost on that Aluminum Chef show about a month ago?”

Chapter 22: Frantic Fuzzy Situation

Chef Torte grabbed his PAN OF PAIN from the floor. He banged it over Genius Guy’s head. “Okay! Let’s loweir ze princess und put heir in za dungeon!” Chef Torte ordered.

The second dragon-like Yoshi reverted to Changling. “But Torte, we don’t have a dungeon!"

“Vell, lock heir in za guest room... of evil! Genius Guy, make sure she gets top medical condition... or somezing... maybe it vas dumb zat ve stole heir in zis condition... oh vell, study heir und see if you can come up viz a solution,” Chef Torte demanded.

Changling and Genius Guy took the princess away. Chef Torte’s apprentice walked up to Torte. “Um, Master Torte, you never told the world WHERE to send the money,” the nervous apprentice said.

“Oh, small details like zat aren’t important. I vill contact zem again lateir, und if zey haf za money, I’ll give zem an address to send it to,” Chef Torte explained.

“And master Torte, why did you ask for money when you want to rule the world?” his apprentice asked.

“Um... because money ist poweir! Once I get zis money, I still von’t return za princess, I vill be able to fund more evil doomsday devices und plans, zen I vill conqueir za vorld,” Chef Torte said.

“Oh, all, right,” the apprentice said.

Meanwhile, Genius Guy was studying Peach’s condition. “Wait, I thought you were a scientist and an inventor, not a doctor!” Changling said.

“Scientist, doctor, what’s the dif?” Genius Guy replied. “I have seen this case only once before, in something I read. It’s a very dangerous disease that is also very rare. There is a solution! I just hope it’s not too late. Changling, quickly, get me a cappicino!”

Changling ran out of the room, he returned with a frothy cappicino. “Wait, what do you need this for?”

“I’m thirsty! Now to heal the princess, we’ll need some rare substance. We need Fuzzy hair!” Genius Guy said.

“Fuzzy hair?” Changling asked.

“You know! The endangered species Fuzzies? You’ll have to go and get some... pronto! Oh, and it’s not the normal Fuzzy you find in any old woods. We need the kind that used to float on Yoshi’s Isle. But they only exist in one place now,” Genius Guy said.

“Where is that?” Changling asked.

“On the far west country of Luna Land,” Genius Guy said.

Changling left the room and talked to Torte. “Chef Torte, in order to revive the princess, Genius Guy needs a special ingriedient from the far Luna Land. Can I take the chopper and two henchmen to go?” Changling asked.

“Go ahead. Don’t take Vhomp zough,” Torte said.

“Soshi! Grand Glum Reaper! Come with me! We’re off to Luna Land!”

Chapter 23: Luna Land’s Looney Leader

Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi crashed on this new island and began searching. The island was very calm and quiet. The only movement was the birds in the sky and the ocean waves brushing up against the shore. The three travelers finally found what looked like some civilization. They rushed towards a town.

The ominous town was very unsettling. Though there was barely a shadow, just the fact that it was completely deserted and disturbingly silent was enough to make anyone wet themselves.

“Hey Mario.... what’s-a with this-a town? It’s-a really creepy!” Luigi said.

“Yeah. It doesn’t look deserted, the houses and gardens are in such good condition, it looks like they’ve been cleaned very recently,” Mario answered.

“Hey! Look at dat! It weird!” Yoshi said.

They looked ahead, to the center of town. Large green crystal-stone objects jutted up out of the ground and formed a circle. The three took a closer look and saw markings on the stones. The markings were different phases of the moon. Each crystal had a symbol of a phase of the moon, and there were eight crystals in all.

“New, waxing cresent, waxing quarter, waxing gibbous, full, waning gibbous, waning quarter, waning cresent. Hmm, it’s-a obvious that this is Luna Land,” Luigi said.

A large frightening roar echoed. Yoshi put his hands on his stomach. “Yoshi hungry!”

“Yeah, me too! Let’s-a get some grub!” Mario said.

The three heroes ventured out into the forest. The trees were big bushy evergreens, it was obvious that this place had snowy weather in the winter. After hours of searching, they ended up with a pile of pinecones, and three dangerously hungry stomachs.

Yoshi sat down and whimpered. “YOSHI HUNGRY!!!”

After awhile, the sun disappeared from the sky and the moon slowly appeared in the night sky with its non-alarming friends, the stars. Yoshi, now asleep because of his hunger, snored softly on the ground. Mario and Luigi sat by a fire.

“I wish we could at least ask-a someone about the Mega Moons and Crystal Moon...” Mario said.

Outside the forest, Mario and Luigi heard the beating of drums. The two plumbers ran to the town, forgetting their dreaming dinosaur friend. They reached the town’s center and looked at swarms of Shy Guys. Mario and Luigi hid in the shadows. The Shy Guys wore tribal masks, meaning they had facepaint on their regular masks, and wore hula skirts. Some Shy Guys wore bushy headdresses. Many also had spears. Shy Guys of all sorts were around, even the almost never seen Shy Gals, which look just like Shy Guys but with eyelashes marked on their masks.

“What do you think is-a going on?” Mario asked.

“It looks like a ceremonial event. They must praise the moon. And if you look at the sky, it’s the Harvest Moon, announcing the middle of summer. (Time is different on Plit, remember.) Maybe something happens when the Moon reaches the top of the sky,” Luigi said.

Mario didn’t answer.

“Mario? Mario!” Luigi said, but then realized why Mario stopped talking.

Mario and Luigi felt spears poking them in the back. They stood up and met face to face with their Shy Guy capters. They spoke in Shyish, and walked the two plumbers to their leader, a Shy Guy wearing the biggest headdress and carrying a staff topped with a yellow crystal shaped like a Cresent Moon. They continued speaking in Shyish.

One Shy Guy walked up and cleared his throat. “Who are you? Why are you trespassing on Luna Land, ancient home of the Shy Tribe?” the Shy Guy interpreter asked.

“We have come in search of the Crystal Moon!” Mario answered.

The interpreter translated in Shyish to the rest of the tribe. An uproar of all the people occurred. The Shy leader calmed them down. The leader spoke to the interpreter.

“The Crystal Moon is an ancient and sacred relic to the Mega Moons, and the Shy Tribe. No one may possess it! Besides, we couldn’t give it to you if we wanted... the key to the Mega Moon Realm has been stolen,” the interpreter said.

“By who?” Luigi asked.

“The devil residing on the other side of the island. He is insane and that makes him evil. He enslaved half of our tribe and made himself leader of Luna Land. We hide during the day, and only come out at night,” the interpreter said.

“Tell me, if we could get rid of this devil, would you help us get the Crystal Moon?” Mario asked.

The interpreter responded to the leader. After some exchanging of information, the interpreter turned around.  “We give you all the consent to take it if you rid us of the, Rainbow-Haired One!” the interpreter said.

“Rainbow-Haired One?!” Mario and Luigi said, confused.

Suddenly a Shy Guy ran out of the woods screaming something in its native tongue. All the Shy People began talking and arguing.

“What? What’s-a happened?” Mario asked.

“The Rainbow-Haired One’s troops have been spotted in the woods, kidnapping a green dinosaur,” the interpreter said.

Mario and Luigi panicked. “Which way is his base?”

“That way! Good luck! And remember, you must make it back before the Harvest Moon rises to the center of the sky, or else you’ll have to wait until the next winter!” the interpreter said.

Mario and Luigi ran off into the woods. They raced in the darkness of the night, not speaking. Eventually they reached the end of the woods and found a small town, protected by a large wall. In the center of the town was a large tower. Inside the walls, Shy Guys and Koopa Troopas were running amok, patrolling the area as they brought Yoshi into the tower. Several Bob-ombs were there too. The plumbers looked up. At the top of the tower, in the highest room, explosions were heard; the windows flashed with many colors whenever something exploded.

Mario nodded to Luigi, indicating it was time to rescue their friend and stop the creep in the tower. Mario ate their last Super Mushroom in order to climb over the wall easier. He lifted Luigi above the wall, then jumped over it. The wall circling the town was far from most of the dwellings, and the guards were preoccuppied with Yoshi to notice them.

Meanwhile, inside the castle’s main corridor, Shy Guys and Koopa Troopas were poking and prodding the specimen they had inside a large cage. Yoshi was very angered, and rampaged in the cage much as his ancestors did. A Shy Guy wearing a walkie-talkie told the guards to take Yoshi onto the elevator to the boss. After the guards boarded the elevator, Mario and Luigi stormed in and knocked out the remaining guard. They saw the lights on the wall informing them that the other guards were returning down. Luigi put on the Hammer Bros. suit and they both hid behing the desk. The guards reached the ground and were confused by the absence of the guard that had been left. They looked around.

Luigi popped his head up. “Hey morons!” The guards looked over at Luigi. Luigi laughed. “Ha ha! YOU looked!” Luigi then started tossing hammers at them.

Mario attacked with his jumps. They defeated the guards and walked into the elevator, and headed for the top floor. Explosions were heard, and got louder as they approached their destination. The door opened and revealed a large room, with Parabombs falling from the sealing and landing with a BOOM! At the far end of the room was a golden chair, and a very large computer. The monitor wasn’t visible as the chair was blocking it. AT the top of the roof was their dinosaur friend, trapped in a cage. The brothers ran up to Yoshi, but his cage was lifted up and out of the room to the tower’s top.

“We have to get to the top now, Mario!” Luigi said.

They ran up to the chair and were horribly surprised to see Iggy Koopa and Bowser Koopa staring at them on the monitor.

“WHAT?! THE MARIO BROTHERS?!” Bowser roared.

“Mamamia! That’s-a real! Let’s-a go!” Mario said.

They jumped up on the chair and pushed the eject button. They shot up out of the room and onto the tower’s top. They looked up and saw Yoshi in his cage, dangling from a personalized doomship-like aircraft. The ship rose high into the stormy sky.

“NO!!! YOSHI!!!” Mario yelled.

“Uh, Mario!” Luigi said, pointing into the shadows in front of them.

Lightning struck and revealed that crazy, ball-riding Koopa, Lemmy...

Chapter 24: Lemmy’s Last

Iggy left the bridge, carrying his e-brother with him. They eventually got back to the lab where Iggy continued the Mecha Mario project.

“Hey Lemmy, what do you think is a better attack, double rocket punch or blowtorch blasters?” Iggy asked.

Lemmy didn’t respond. Iggy looked down at the computer screen. Lemmy was apparently busy with his own stuff. Lemmy eventually got back. “Wha? Oh, Blowtorch Blasters. Definitely!” Lemmy answered.

“What’s going on there anyway?” Iggy asked.

“Great news! We have captured, Yoshi!” Lemmy said.

“Yoshi? THE Yoshi? Where are you?” Iggy asked.

“I’m hidden on an island far west of the Mushroom Kingdom... oh no! It’s just as I thought!” Lemmy said.

“What? What?” Iggy pestered.

“Mario’s here! So is his lame green double!” Lemmy answered.

“MARIO? LUIGI? WHAT?!” Iggy yelled in confusion.

“Oh drat! Now I’ll have to fight them!” Lemmy said, disappearing from the screen.

“LEMMY?!” Iggy shouted.

Iggy ran back up to the bridge, where Bowser was still talking about the Chef Torte thing. “King Dad! Something’s happened to Lemmy! Mario and Luigi or something!” Iggy yelled.

Bowser and Iggy ran back to the lab. They looked at the computer screen and saw Mario and Luigi, who was wearing a Hammer Bros. suit.

“WHAT?! THE MARIO BROTHERS?!” Bowser roared. Mario and Luigi disappeared from the screen. “WHAT’S GOING ON?!” Bowser roared.

Meanwhile, Lemmy watched his adversaries arrive at the tower’s top. He rolled on his ball. Lightning flashed and revealed himself to them.

“Lemmy?!” Mario said, perplexed.

“I can’t believe you found out where I’ve been hiding all these years!” Lemmy spat. “But that doesn’t matter, as you won’t be telling anyone else!”

Luigi gasped.

“What, Luigi?” Mario asked.

Luigi rolled his eyes. “That means he’s-a going to kill us, Mario.”

“Oh... HEY! We’re guests!” Mario shouted.

“But I didn’t invite you! So NYAH!” Lemmy snarled. Lightning flashed again.

“You Koopas just-a never learn!” Mario said.

“I learn! See, I learned to juggle Bob-ombs!” Lemmy said.

Lemmy pulled out three Bob-ombs and began juggling them.

Mario smiled. “Yes! It’s a very good talent!”

“Yes! But watch this!” Lemmy said.

Mario and Luigi watched in horror, or marvel, depending on which brother you’re talking about, as each Bob-omb magically lit its fuse. Lemmy continued juggling. “Keep your eyes on the prize!” Lemmy snickered.

“Mario! Get-a down!” Luigi yelled, jumping out of the way.

“Why would I breakdance at a time like-a this? Huh?” Mario said, getting bombarded with explosions.

“HA HA HA! You guys are more fun than I remember!” Lemmy laughed.

“Oh yeah? How’s-a this for fun?” Luigi asked, tossing several hammers at Lemmy’s cranium.

Lemmy almost lost his balance. “Ow... that.... really... hurt...” Lemmy shook his head. “Grr! I need MORE BOMBS!”

Lemmy pulled out several more Bob-ombs and juggled them faster, and when they were to about explode he threw them. Luigi and Mario dodged them for awhile, but soon were hit again. Luigi lost the suit, and both of them were out of weapons.

“Ha ha ha ha! Now I’ll finish you!” Lemmy laughed, tossing all of his Bob-ombs. They landed on the ground, and chased the plumbers. Lemmy laughed, juggling more Bob-ombs, currently unlit. Mario and Luigi dived into the Bob-ombs and knocked them back. Luigi kicked a few and they knocked against Lemmy, causing him to almost lose his balance.

“Mario! When the Bob-ombs are about to explode, kick them at Lemmy!” Luigi shouted.

Mario found one about to burst and sent it flying at Lemmy, where it exploded and knocked Lemmy off of his ball. He was obviously hurt in the explosion.

“GRRRR! MORE BOMBS!” Lemmy shouted. The crazy Koopa mounted back on his ball, causing the remaining Bob-ombs to blowup without harming Mario and Luigi. Lemmy magically formed a belt of dynamite around him. Then he began doing his juggling technique again.

“Mamamia! He’s gone suicidal!” Mario yelled.

Lemmy, unfortunately... or fortunately, depending on your point of view, wasn’t suicidal, as the dynamite sticks shot of and bounced around as they were about to explode. This gave Luigi and Mario even more trouble, but they used their same tactics by kicking bursting Bob-ombs back at Lemmy, which was an even bigger explosion now with the dynamite around.

“AGGAH!!! BIGGER BOMBS!!!” Lemmy screamed. Lemmy jumped back on his ball, demolishing his other bombs, pulled out a new dynamite belt, and now juggled MEZZO BOMBS. He used the same technique.

“Mamamia! Luigi! What are we going to do now?!” Mario said, panicking.

The brothers couldn’t kick the Mezzo Bob-ombs hard enough to get them near Lemmy. Lemmy laughed maniacally. Luigi looked around for something, anything to help. Then he saw Lemmy’s ball, and an idea sparked.

“Mario! Jump on top of the bombs, and roll them at Lemmy!” Luigi yelled.

Mario and Luigi rolled two Mezzo Bob-ombs and burst Lemmy’s bubble. He fell off his ball again. Now Lemmy was furious. He was determined, no mater what, to win.

“AAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! MORE EXPLOSIVES!!!” Lemmy spazzed. Lemmy hopped on his ball, disposed of his last attack failures, and formed several fireworks and missles on his back. He also got a new dynamite belt. This time, along with the dynamite and Mezzo Bombs, Lemmy shot rockets up into the sky and targeted them at Mario an Luigi. Lemmy also placed a magic shield on himself, to deflect Mezzo Bob-ombs. Mario and Luigi were grateful that Lemmy’s tower was so big and ran around dodging each bomb, dynamite stick, and missile, occassionally getting hit. They tried using Mezzo Bob-ombs, but Lemmy’s shield was impervious to their explosions.

“Luigi,” Mario said with his first good idea, “let’s-a use the missiles to attack!”

Mario and Luigi waited for a missle to come down and jump kicked it, sending it at Lemmy, where it exploded in massive force, destroying his shield. Lemmy panicked and shot many explosives; Luigi and Mario used the rolling technique to get him again. Lemmy fell back onto the ground, and his remaining bombs exploded.


“Oh yes we have, Lemmy!” Mario said.

“No! I’m not kidding, I still have one trick up my shell! Hee hee! BIGGER BOMBS!!!” Lemmy demanded. This time, jumping on his ball, the insane Koopa got his Mezzo Bob-ombs, his dynamite belt, bigger rockets, and now, one humongous unlit rocket tied to the back of his shell. He put on his shield and attacked with all his might.

The brothers tried kicking the big missiles at Lemmy, but they were now equipped with a homing sensor. “Mario! We’ll have to get close to Lemmy to attack him with these!” Luigi shouted.

They ran towards ground zero and dodged his bombs while missiles came shooting at him. Before the missiles got close enough, Mario and Luigi were hit with a bomb and flew to the other side of the tower. The missiles nearly hit them, but they dodged at the last second. Part of the tower exploded, and the tower began rumbling. Mario and Luigi had to finish the fight quickly before the tower collapsed. They rushed at Lemmy again, this time the missiles hit and burst his bubble good. They rolled a Mezzo Bob-omb at him and he was seriously hurt. All of Lemmy’s explosives blew up, except for the giant rocket tied to his shell.

“NO! NO! NO! I DID NOT LOSE!” Lemmy said. The crazed Koopa jumped back on his ball and formed all of his previous weapons, but now held a humongous King Bomb in his clutches. “With this, I will finally destroy the Mario Brothers! Be proud, King Dad!” Lemmy said, laughing maniacally.

Luigi looked at the King Bomb's lit fuse, then at the giant rocket.


“Lemmy!” Luigi interrupted.

“WHAT?” Lemmy spazzed.

“I’d like to say, when you get to the moon, make sure to bring me back some cheese!” Luigi said, smiling.

“WHAT ARE YOU BLABBING ABOUT?!” Lemmy yelled. He watched the two plumbers smiling and waving. He turned in terror and saw his fuse was just about up. Lemmy turned back with huge sad eyes.“Sayonara!Tell my loyal tourists at Lemmy’s Land I won’t be able to update this weekend and that-”


Lemmy rocketed off like... well, a rocket, carrying the King Bomb with him. Mario and Luigi turned to each other, doing their “Lug lug lug!” victory dance.

“Wait! What about Yoshi?” Mario said.

A huge crash was heard from the sky, followed by a long croaky scream. Yoshi landed on Lemmy’s ball, soft as a pillow for some reason in this case.

“Okay... wait! What about the key?” Mario said.

Then a large gold key fell on Mario’s head.

“Well, it looks like whatever you say will-a fall out of the sky, Mario!” Luigi laughed.

“Yeah, so I better not mention that King Bomb!” Mario laughed.

“Uh... Mario... Luigi...” Yoshi said, looking up.


Chapter 25: Love, Lust, and B.A.S.S.

Genius Guy screwed in the last bolt on the metallic monster, Mecha Yoshi. He wiped his forehead of persperation, and jumped down from his ladder. He looked at his masterpiece. Now there was one thing left to do: install the B.A.S.S., or Blow And Suck System. It was a massive weapon that would be put in the Mecha Yoshi’s throat and could use hurricane-like wind powers to suck up items. It could also blow stuff away. It was quite an amazing machiene. The installation wouldn’t take much longer to put in. Luckily, while building the frame of the Mecha Yoshi, Genius Guy remembered he would need a pathway to the throat of the beast to intall it, so he created a mechanic door at the robot’s rear behind it’s legs, where Yoshi eggs would come out. The B.A.S.S. was also used in King Boo’s Bowser machine when he fought Luigi, except it was a prototype model and much less powerful.

Chef Torte walked into the room, with his apprentice following. “Voila! Genius Guy! You did a great job! I love it! You now haf more brownie points zan my apprentice. You only haf Vhomp to pass!” Chef Torte said, looking at the Mecha Yoshi in marvel.

“Thank you, Chef Torte, but I still need to install the B.A.S.S,” Genius Guy said.

“Okay. I’m sure it von’t take you long. Now for all your hard verk I’m going to give you a break from zis verk,” Chef Torte said.

“Oh thank you! I have been working too hard! I’ll go get me a cappicino, you want one?” Genius Guy interrupted.

“I said you need break from ZIS verk, now you must verk on za Princess Toadztool situation! Imbecile.” Chef Torte growled.

“Oh... okay, sorry,” Genius Guy said.

Genius Guy waddeled to the room where Peach was held captive, though it wasn’t needed as the poor perilous princess was still unconscious and very sick. Even if she was concious she would be too sick to try to escape. Genius Guy checked if she was all right; she was currently in a stable condition but could get worsr at any given time.

Meanwhile, Chef Torte went into his quarters and sighed. He sat down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. He imagined himself ruler of the world with everyone obeying him. To his side was his queen of the world, Princess Peach. Chef Torte had gotten feelings for Peach not too long after he kidnapped her. He now was very worried about her and the fact that Genius Guy was no doctor. He wouldn’t dare reveal his emotions to his motley crew though. He wanted them to look up to him as a heartless evil mastermind. After all, quoted by one of the most dastardly villains of all time, Dr. Evil, “An evil doctor shouldn’t talk a lot about his feelings, my hurt and my pain don’t make me too appealin’!”

A knock was heard on the door. “Come in!” Torte said.

His apprentice walked in. “Master Torte, I have a question. Wouldn’t it have been better to kidnap someone other than Peach? After all, it’s not just Mario and the Mushroom Kingdom who we’re angering. I’m sure if Bowser’s heard of this, he’ll be furious! I just see it as a safer move to not have kidnapped her.”

“Vell, now ve haf anozeir reason it vould haf been betteir to not capture heir,” Chef Torte sighed.

His apprentice looked confused. “What do you mean, Master Torte?”

“Eveir since Peach came to ze secret base, I haf developed.... a passion for heir,” Chef Torte confessed.

“You mean, you have a thing for Princess Toadstool?” his apprentice asked.

“Yes. I’m not sure if it’s za job or if it ist somezing I really feel... I mean, don’t most evil masteirminds haf crushes on zheir captives? Just look at Bowseir!” Chef Torte complained.

“Well whatever the reason, you will get to decide who will be your queen when you become Plit’s ruler,” his apprentice replied.

“You aren’t alvays an idiot you know... zanks,” Chef Torte said.

His apprentice left the room and Chef Torte stared back up at the ceiling, muttering some tune until nightfall...

Read on!

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