The Good, the Bad, and the Torte

By Chef Torte

Chapter 44: Bowser’s Plan Foiled

Lightning flashes filled the sky. The rain was now heavier, and the battle between the mechanical monsters was in an awesome environment for a fight. The Mecha Bowser Junior had gone offline due to a bolt of lightning, and now the time for justice was near. Luigi smiled and placed his hands on the control panel. The Mecha Yoshi slowly walked toward its frozen opponent, each step smushing into the ground, each step closer to finishing off the horrid fight. The Yoshis watching, who had now realized someone good was piloting the Yoshi robot, cheered all around. Atop the Vanilla Dome, a large pack of the dinosaurs danced around a big bondfire. The five Koopalings defeated earlier were caged up securely. They were angry that Junior was their last hope, but they still wanted him to win rather than have all of them lose again. Bowser bit his nails, and perspired heavily. He watched his beautifully put together plan start to fall apart. His dream for world conquest was shattered... this time.

“Sir! I’ve prepared the ship- er, castle to flee the area. It’ll be ready in about ten minutes. Oh, and most of our troops have fled the trip, unfortunately,” Kamek said.

“Idiots! Every last one of them! Who’s left?” Bowser asked.

“Me, Kammy, and General Jagger.” Kamek sighed.

“Well what do you expect, really?” Bowser muttered.

“Yes, only the stupid ones would stay behind for you to smack around in anger...” Kamek mumbled.

“WAIT! Kamek, didn’t we install some weapons in this castle?!” Bowser asked.

“Well, yes. We have some defense mechanisms,” Kamek said.

“Any long range capabilities?!” Bowser persisted.

“YES!” Kamek answered, annoyed.

“Then we still have a chance! If we can stall the Mecha Yoshi before it reaches the Mecha Junior, it’ll be able to come back online!!!” Bowser said.

Bowser Junior sat in the corner of the cockpit, folded up in a fetal position. The little Koopa had tears fludding down his face. He knew that the Mecha Yoshi would reach him long before the recharge was complete. He knew there would be pain to come, not only from the Mecha Junior’s destruction, but anger from his father as well. He’d be in for a real punishment. Out of the corner of his beady little eye he watched the slow moving blue meter expand, showing the progression of reactivation of his colassal robot. It was only a fourth of the way filled up.

Toad stared at the large orb growing. Somehow he had to warn Luigi and Mallow to stop it, but he needed a way back in the machine. He remembered that the Chancellor and everyone was watching safely from Cookie Mountain, but that would be too far for the tired Toad to go. There was so little time. Something told the fungus head that drastic things would occur if that orb was unleashed. He checked his pack to see if he had any important items with him. All Toad had was his hammer, a Rock Candy, and a jug of Maple Syrup, nothing that would help much. Toad heard some people talking in the distance, and took cover behind some bushes. Two Koopa Troopas walked up, soaking wet. One was green-shelled, one was blue. Then Toad knew the only way. He had to find a Yoshi, and use that blue shell to make it fly.

“Man, Bowser’s plans always fail! I’m not going to work for him anymore!” the blue-shelled Koopa said.

“You’re trading your allegience?” the green shelled Koopa asked.

“Yeah, I can’t stand being counted as a mindless drone in a going nowhere army," the blue-shelled one said. “Maybe I’ll get a nice home in Koopa Village.”

Toad walked out from his hiding place. The two Koopas put up their fists. “Calm down! Now I couldn’t help overhear your conversation. If you want to switch sides, I know a definite way only you can help defeat Bowser!” Toad said.

“What is it?” the blue-shelled Koopa asked with a little hesitation.

“I need to hitch a ride back up into the Mecha Yoshi, and I don’t have any Magic Feathers. I’m pretty sure I could find a Yoshi though...” Toad said.

“Oh no!” the blue-shelled Koopa said. “Not that!”

“If you won’t cooperate, I’m sure I could use another method,” Toad said, showing them the Rock Candy.

“Okay fine!” the Koopa said, forking over his shell and reddening in the face.

“You could be the one who has saved Dinosaur Land! Much obliged!” Toad said, taking the shell and hopping up the Vanilla Dome remains.

Bowser sat in his comfy seat and held the controller to his weapon. He looked at the buttons, a triangle, a square, and a circle. Bowser gasped. “KAMEK! YOU MADE THIS PLAYSTATION CAPABLE!!!” Bowser screached.

“No, those are also the symbols for Magikoopa magic, remember?” Kamek said.

“Oh. Well now it’s time for the Mecha Yoshi to go down! Feel the burn!” Bowser said, triggering his weapon.

The castle’s two lower towers opened up and revealed two rocket launchers. Bowser slammed the buttons, and missles sliced through the stormy sky. They flew straight for the approaching Mecha Yoshi.

“Look out!!!” Mallow screamed.

Before Luigi could react, the Mecha Yoshi was bombarded with the rockets. It flew back far and fell on its back. The Mecha Yoshi’s metal skeleton was revealed as its chest was blown to bits. Hearing the explosions, Junior sat up and wiped his wet face. He smiled in devilish delight at the sight of the Mecha Yoshi grounded. The meter was now halfway full.

“Direct hit!” Kammy said.

“Gwa ha ha! Okay, put in another round o’ missles!!!” Bowser ordered.

“Yes sir!” Jagger said with emphasis.

Luigi shook his head, and for some reason, controlled the Mecha Yoshi to do the same.

“Now was that really necesary?” Mallow asked.

“No, but it sure was fun!” Luigi said. “Bowser must be attacking us directly from his castle, we'd better hurry up and get ready for more missles!”

The Mecha Yoshi rose just as the missles were shot.

“Okay! Let’s blow ‘em back!” Luigi said.

The green plumber punched the blow button. The B.A.S.S. started up, and a hurricane of air shot out of the Mecha Yoshi’s mouth. The missles spun out of control, and flew back at the castle.

“AGGAH!!!” Bowser screamed.

“You know I told him this would happen,” Kamek said to Kammy, putting on a helmet.

With a mighty explosion, the castle of the sea was devastated, and no more. The remains sank deep into Soda Bay. Seeing the explosion of the castle made the Koopalings sure they were going to lose.

“It just always happens to us, doesn’t it?” Iggy asked.

“Hey look! Isn’t that the Mushroomer that Princess Peach always drags around?” Wendy asked.

Toad climbed up to the plateau where the Koopalings had been captured and several Yoshis were overjoyed with Bowser’s defeat. Toad looked around and it seemed everyone was busy celebrating. But then he turned his head and saw one green Yoshi with glasses sticking his nose in a book. The book was called “The Reign of King Bowser”. Toad walked up to the green dinosaur.

“Excuse me, but could you do me a favor?” Toad asked.

The Yoshi looked up and smiled. “WOW! Aren’t you TOAD?! I never met a major Mario character in person! Except for that one crazy chef that seems to have an important role this time around...”

“Yes, well I need your help. The main threat of Bowser is gone, but there’s another force at work here! Above Yoshi’s Island, you can see some giant sphere of energy! I’m not sure what it is, but I’m sure we gotta stop it!” Toad said.

“Yes I see, but how can I help?” the Yoshi asked.

Toad took out the blue shell. “You’ll need to fly me back to the Mecha Yoshi!” Toad said.

“I’ll do it!!!” the excited Yoshi said.

He gulped up the blue shell, sprouted some temporary feathery wings, and Toad hopped on. He took off and flew through the thick storm.

“By the way, what’s your name?” Toad asked.

“Beluga? Oh, I mean Ryan-oshi!” the Yoshi said.

“You’ll get some kind of reward for helping, I’ll make certain of that,” Toad said.

“Oooh, can I get my own story fighting badguys and being the hero with my good friend Crazy Koopa as my sidekick after this is complete?” Ryan-oshi asked.

“Uh... sure.” Toad said.

They reached the Mecha Yoshi and flew in the opening on its shoulder, which Toad had been shot out of earlier. They rushed up the stairs and entered the control room. Luigi and Mallow were surprised to see the Yoshi.

“Toad, where have you been?!” Luigi asked.

“We were worried,” Mallow said.

“That’s not important right now! We need to get to Yoshi’s Island! Somone is charging a large attack!!!” Toad said.

Luigi manuvered the Mecha Yoshi’s head to view Yoshi’s Island. The massive orb of energy was in sight.

“Mamamia! You’re right! That’ll crush the island!” Luigi panicked.

The Mecha Yoshi made a full reverse and went full speed to Yoshi’s Island. The Grand Glum Reaper, floating high in the sky, was too focused on finishing his magic spell to notice the giant robot reaching the island and walking under him. He didn’t even watch the fight that was happening earlier. He still thought Chef Torte was in command of the Mecha Yoshi. The Mecha Yoshi was now positioned directly underneath the Grand Glum Reaper.

“What do we do?” Toad asked.

“When the attack is released, we should blow it back!” Mallow said.

“That’s the best idea we’ve got? Well I guess there’s-a no time to debate!” Luigi said.

In an instant a bright yellow flash lit the sky for one brief second. The orb of death and decay was completed. The Grand Glum Reaper took out his long sythe and touched the tip of it with the orb. He threw it with all his strength.

“NOW! NOW!!!” Mallow yelled.

Luigi shot his hand at the button, and the blowing powers burst out of the robot’s cakehole. The orb fought against the wave.

“It’s too weak. We need it all the way!” Toad said.

Luigi turned the intensity from high to dangerously cheesey. The gust of wind overpowered the spell and shot it off like a bullet. The Grand Glum Reaper looked down at his attack going in full reverse. His green eyes widened. The spell shot through the phantom and disintegrated the evil spirit. The orb kept flying up. Lemmy, who still was rocketing far off into space, watched the enormous ball nearly hit him and continue off into the deep outreaches of space. Back in the Mecha Yoshi, the four of them gave a small victory dance.

“Phew! That was a close one!” Toad said.

“Uh oh you guys! We forgot about something...” Mallow said with dread in his voice.

The Mecha Junior shook its head and slowly moved again. It recharged its brush and spun it around again.

“What are we going to do to beat it?!” Toad asked.

“Haven’t you learned yet? We’ll just blow the attack back at him!” Luigi said.

Luigi moved the robot back to Donut Plains and got as close to the Mecha Junior as possible, so it wouldn’t be able to dodge. Mecha Junior blasted its laser, and Luigi punched the button. The wrong button. The Mecha Yoshi became a vacuum and the laser beam was being sucked inside.

“LUIGI!!!” Mallow yelled.

“Everyone out!!!” Toad shouted.

The four of them went out an emergency exit and landed with a splash in the lake. They watched the blast be devoured by the Mecha Yoshi. Due to its small size, however, the Mech Junior was pulled in close to the Mecha Yoshi. Junor rapidly pushed buttons to get out of there, but it was of no use. The control was left on dangerously cheesey, and the Mecha Junior collided with the Mecha Yoshi. The B.A.S.S. overheated with the laser bomb inside of it. Finally it melted down, and caused the Mecha Yoshi to explode. The Mecha Junior, being in close range of the devastating eruption, was busted as well, but not before Bowser Junior shot away in an escape pod. Luigi, Mallow, Toad, and Ryan-oshi dove underwater to avoid the explosion and the falling debree. After a couple of minutes of holding their breath, they lifted their heads above water. Smoke was heavily packed above ground zero. The fight was over for them, but for Yoshi, it was just beginning...

Chapter 45: Chef Torte Gets Cooked

Yoshi turned at a sound, seeing the final doorway to the chef open up. He looked back one last time at the fallen Whomp crushing Soshi to death. Lightning flashed and thunder boomed outside the window. Yoshi stepped into the laboratory where Genius Guy had crafted the Mecha Yoshi. Many of the tools and machines used to help him were still lying around. He walked up to a dumpster and noticed an interesting item inside.

“Wait! What this?” Yoshi said, reaching in the dumpster.

He pulled out a rusty old frying pan, the PAN OF POWER, Chef Torte’s old frying pan that symbolized his goodness and purity. The green dinosaur figured it would be good for something, so he stashed it away. Seeing another entrance, Yoshi climbed a stairway and entered another room, filled with darkness.

“Mwah ha ha! YOU FOOL! You valked right into my trap! Now you vill perish!” Chef Torte called.

The door behind Yoshi closed tight. Lights turned on and revealed a massive wedding cake. Chef Torte stood on the cake’s top, with Peach next to him. Peach was tied to a giant candle.

“ZIS ist my masteirpiece! I call it, Boom Bundt!!!” Chef Torte said.

“Looks tasty!!!” Yoshi said.

“Yes, tasty may it be, but eat it all ist an impossible task. Zough, you COULD eat it all, you von’t because your time vould be up before making it to ze second layeir!” the crazy chef cackled.

“Time?” Yoshi asked.

“Yez! See each candle? Zheir are zheirteen in all! But zese candles are not only big, zhey are also bombs!!! Also to add to ze fun, I added plenty of fireverks und ozeir explosives inside ze cake!!! Once I light each one, you von’t have time to escape, not zat zheir’s a vay out of course... unless you haf my PAN OF PAIN!!! Vhich you don’t!” Chef Torte said.

Embert T. Podoboo popped up next to the chef. “Goodbye you fowl creature! First you, zen ze entire species!!!” Chef Torte laughed manaically.

Torte scooped up the little Podoboo in his PAN OF PAIN and tossed him onto the top candle, the one Peach was tied to. Then Embert hopped from candle to candle, lighting each one. After all thirteen fuses were ablaze Embert jumped back to the top.

“Okay Torte! They’re all lit!!!” Embert said.

“Yes, good job Embeirt, now I vill haf to say adieu to you once und for all!” Chef Torte said, kicking the fireball to the cake’s bottom. “Au revouir!!!"

Chef Torte pointed his PAN OF PAIN upward, and shot off a grappling hook. It latched to a small opening in the far, far up roof, and pulled him up. When he reached the top, a gate covered the hole. Yoshi looked around. Thirteen big bombs were about to go off and obliterate him, the princess, and the poor little Pyrosphere. Yoshi had to act fast. But what to do? First Yoshi flutter-jumped his way to the cake’s top and freed the Princess, who was still very ill and fell to her knees. Yoshi hoisted her onto his saddle. Now he had to stop the bombs. Yoshi was nervous, and began subconsciously eating. When he realized he was eating the cake below his feet, he fell deep into the cake’s belly, which was home to tons of explosives.

“Ohh dear! We’re uh... sure in a pickle now!” Embert mumbled, as he hopped down into the cake as well.

Yoshi turned in horror and looked at the floating flame. He had touched a pile of gun powder, and it was now burning towards the boxes of bombs. With an immense explosion, Yoshi’s scream was heard from the top of the lair. Chef Torte danced around at the explosion’s noise. Several smaller explosions were heard proceeding it. Chef Torte stood at the top of his base, which was a flat surface, like a castle’s top. It loomed over the mouth of the volcano.

“YAY! I VON! I VON!! I DIDN’T END UP BEHIND LIKE SO MANY VIDEOGAME VILLAINS BEFORE MOI! Zough my main plan failed, I still haf gotten farzeir zan most... Odd zat ze explosion started early zough...” Chef Torte said.

Just then one last big explosion echoed throughout the base, and Yoshi’s yelling was heard at the top. Torte looked through the tiny opening in confusion and saw Yoshi riding a big rocket Torte had left in the cake’s center. It burst through the gate, which caused some major jaw pain for the chef. Yoshi hopped off before it exploded, and landed on the top. Luckily, before the explosion, Yoshi had flipped over the large crate and used it as a shield for him, Peach, and Embert to hide in. Then when most of the bombs had exploded, one of the large rocket fireworks had been left inside the crate with them. With a little help from Embert, Yoshi took off for the top. Chef Torte spit at the ground and hopped up on a stone jutted up out of the tower’s end.

“Mon dieu! Vhy must you YOSHIS pesteir me so?! I vill just haf to take care of you myself, viz some help from my PAN OF PAIN of course!!!” Chef Torte threatened.

“Yoshi not afraid of you! You seem much weaker than other people in your group anyway!” Yoshi growled.

“Yes, all of my soldieirs haf been defeated, Changling und Genius Guy vere taken care of by you I’m sure, ze Grand Glum Reapeir vas probably discoveired I bet, und his spell vas lost. My dragon vas crushed to deaz by Vhomp, who ist now stuck on ze floor from his own veight, und my apprentice has run off like a cowvard!!! But! I, Chef Torte, vill finally rid myself of you, ze Yoshi leadeir, ze rest vill fall like dominoes once you’re dead!” Chef Torte yelled.

“Bring it on!” Yoshi called.

“Yes green one, now ist your last! Enjoy it!!!” Chef Torte said.

Chef Torte lifted his PAN OF PAIN in the air, and it gathered energy. The chef pointed it at Yoshi and let out a pulse cannon wave of laser shots. Yoshi ran with his greatest agility, but was not able to dodge all of the shots. He was singed by some.

“Mwah ha ha ha!!!” Chef Torte laughed.

Yoshi, a little burnt, got to his feet again. The chef blasted another round of hazardous heat rays, which Yoshi was hit by once. Yoshi ran up to the chef while he recharged his frying pan, and tried to land an attack, but the chef was too quick for him and slammed him with the PAN OF PAIN. Yoshi landed hard against one of the stones on the other side of the battlefield, when Torte blasted his frying pan again. Yoshi was hit with much of the lasers this time and felt weak in his stomach. Yoshi got up and held his paining stomach. Chef Torte stopped charging his weapon, and watched the dinosaur. Yoshi moaned and groaned. Then... then... POP! Yoshi turned and saw an egg floating a bit above the ground, with some white hair sticking out of it. It must have been the Fuzzy he ate earlier that clogged his system.

“Vat?!” Chef Torte muttered.

Yoshi smiled and felt much better. He stashed the Fuzzy egg away, sensing it could be important later, and popped out some regular eggs. Chef Torte stared in confusion as Yoshi tossed an egg smack into his face. Chef Torte felt the pain and nearly fell off the tower and into the volcano. After wiping his face, Chef Torte was dangerously overangered.

“MON DIEU! How dare you shoot me viz your egg?! You vill pay for it dearly!!!” Chef Torte shouted.

Chef Torte used his PAN OF PAIN’s warping capabilities and transported himself to another side of the base’s top. Then he unleashed his pulse cannon’s red light show and busted Yoshi’s other eggs, and hurt Yoshi a bit too. As Chef Torte charged his laser, Yoshi threw another egg at him, but unlike most videogame bosses who will repeat the same pattern for about three to four times, the evil chef blocked the egg with his mighty frying pan.  Then Chef Torte shot off another round of lasers for Yoshi to dodge.

“How am I supposed to hit him? Usually my enemies let me hurt them until they eventually take hint it’s not going to work...” Yoshi pondered.

Chef Torte charged his PAN OF PAIN again and Yoshi tried throwing another egg, but the chef blocked it with his frying pan again, then smiled at him and shot off his lasers again. Yoshi dodged the lasers, and an idea sparked in his round head. He remembered some tactical egg manuvers he’d had to use in the past, so he targeted his ammo right under Chef Torte, at the stone he stood upon. Chef Torte lowered his PAN OF PAIN, to see why the egg didn’t break on it. Yoshi's egg bounced off of the stone, flew backward and hit another stone, and then flew back and smacked Torte in his beautiful mug. Once again he almost lost his balance, but managed to get control. Then he warped to another side of the tower, perpendicular to his last postion.

“Try und eat ZIS!!!” Chef Torte yelled. He charged up a large shot, then fired it at Yoshi. The green dinosaur dodged but was hit with the sparks that flew off of it when it exploded on the ground. “Mwah ha ha!!!” Chef Torte laughed.

Yoshi tried his two last strategies at the same time, by firing an egg for Chef Torte to block and one to ricochet at him. Unfortunately Torte caught on and disposed of both eggs. Chef Torte fired his routine lasers, which hit Yoshi, then shot his charged up blast, which blew Yoshi back into the opposite side, causing the Fuzzy egg he had to fly out. Embert saw the egg fly down. It landed hard on the unconscious Princess. Peach awoke in a startled way at this. She looked around and saw all the egg goo all over her. “YUCK!!!” Peach screamed.

She looked down and saw the little Podoboo nibbling on some of it. “Hey, it’s not bad, Princess!” Embert said.

Peach daringly took a taste and loved it. That’s no yolk! She gobbled up all she could. Fortunately, the Fuzzy chemicals inside of it, which Genius Guy needed to make the syrum, fought with the virus inside of her, along with Yoshi fighting Torte.

“What’s going on?” Peach asked.

“I’ll explain, but the audience doesn’t need to know it again. BOB pan back up to the fight scene!” Embert said.

Chef Torte laughed. “YOU FOOL! No one can match my POWVEIR!!!”

Yoshi cocked his head. Saying "power" was the chef’s mistake. Yoshi remembered the frying pan he had stuffed away. He took it out and held it above him. It almost looked like a golden light shined from it for a moment, as if it was the way to victory.

“HEY! Zat’s MY PAN OF POWVEIR!!! You can’t haf it!!!” Chef Torte spazzed.

“But you’re evil now, if you use it, you’ll be showing your old goodness to the world!” Yoshi said.

“Vell... I don’t vant it, but you can’t haf it eizeir!!!” Chef Torte said, launching another charged shot.

Yoshi reacting as quickly as possible, smacking the blast with the PAN OF POWER. The blast shot back at Chef Torte, who got fried.

“MON DIEU!!! ZAT STINGS!!!” Chef Torte yelled.

Chef Torte warped to the last side of the tower, shot his pulse cannon round of lasers, which Yoshi avoided with the greatest of ease, then charged his PAN OF PAIN’s big blast again and fired it at Yoshi. Yoshi deflected it and shot it back at Torte. Chef Torte was ready this time, after perfecting Mario Tennis and fighting Ganondorf, the Koopa chef whacked the blast back at the unexpecting Yoshi, who felt the electrifying burn and sting of the shot. Yoshi cried in pain.

“See? It does hurt!” Chef Torte said.

Torte shot another charged orb, and Yoshi deflected it. Then Chef Torte deflected it. They tossed it back and forth for a while. Finally Chef Torte slipped up and was hit.

“Fungus! Now I’ll haf to move on to my diffeirent mezod of attacking!” Chef Torte spat. Chef Torte jumped up, and under his cape poped out a jet pak engine on each end of the Koopa cook. He fired it up, and took to the sky. “Now fear my great, highly concentrated, supeir-dupeir, PAN OF PAIN beam!!!” Chef Torte shouted.

Chef Torte’s PAN OF PAIN charged up with a green and blue light rather than a red this time, and let out a long laser blast. Yoshi Egg Rolled out of the way, knowing he couldn’t tennis ball it back like the other charged laser. Once the beam stopped, Chef Torte flew around the arena and zapped with his usual set of easily evaded red pulse cannon shots. Yoshi devised a plan, still thinking that the PAN OF POWER would be useful, to maybe use it as some sort of surface to reroute the entire beam and shoot it back at Torte. When Chef Torte let loose his great beam attack again, Yoshi held up the PAN OF POWER, deflected the ray, moved the PAN OF POWER’s angle carefully, and blasted the wave of energy back at Chef Torte. Chef Torte was injured severely by his own wave. He decided to skip all of the planned repeats of this technique and move onto his next strategem.

“Now green one, I vill cook you!” Chef Torte laughed.

Chef Torte turned his jetpack level onto high and rocketed himself at Yoshi. Yoshi was too slow and was pelted with the PAN OF PAIN; he nearly fell off and into the volcano. Chef Torte rose into the sky, blasted his expected round of laser shots, and rushed back at Yoshi. This time Yoshi hopped over the airborne chef. When Chef Torte returned to the sky, Yoshi shot up an egg, which Torte was not expecting, and caused him to fly around spastically for a bit. Chef Torte got control and launched at Yoshi again. Yoshi dodged successfully and threw another egg at Chef Torte. Chef Torte used his PAN OF PAIN to dispatch the egg. Chef Torte, for some reason, felt it necessary to leave himself open to attack, and charged a laser shot. He blasted it at Yoshi, and the dinosaur ricocheted it back. Chef Torte tried to dodge, but in the end got the jetpack hit. The jetpack started to malfunction. Sparks flew from it. Chef Torte was launched through the air at an incredible rate.

“Uh oh!” Chef Torte said.

Then lightning struck Chef Torte, the PAN OF PAIN as a lightning rod. The jetpack exploded, and Chef Torte crashed on the tower below. Rubbing his head, Chef Torte stood up and stared at Yoshi.

“I’ve had enough! No more tricks, ve vill fight to ze bitteir end!” Torte roared.

“Sounds good to Yoshi!” Yoshi said.

“You fool! You’ll be ze one getting boiled!” Chef Torte said.

Chef Torte charged at Yoshi and smacked him with the PAN OF PAIN, rocketing the poor dinosaur back far. Yoshi spit up a bit of blood, and wiped his mouth. Then he charged at the chef. Chef Torte tried whacking him with the PAN OF PAIN, but Yoshi slammed Torte first with the PAN OF POWER. Chef Torte flew back and crushed some of the stone keeping him up on the top of his base. Each side exchanged devastating blows, each one weakening the other side greatly. Only one would prevail as the winner.

Meanwhile, Peach was now fully cured, and had heard the entire story, compliments of Embert. “What can we do to help him?” Peach asked.

“I dunno. If only we could get up there!” Embert said.

“I won’t be able to.. but maybe you can! You’re small enough to fly far,” Peach said.

“What... what are you suggesting?” Embert asked.

Yoshi flew back again. He charged Chef Torte with his fastest speed. Chef Torte powered up his laser and fired it at Yoshi when he got close enough. But Yoshi was expecting this, and whacked the blast back at Torte, causing him to fly back into the edge of the tower. Chef Torte hopped up on the jutted out stone again.

“ZAT TEARS IT!!! NOW I DIDN’T VANT TO USE ZIS, BUT YOU LEFT MOI NO CHOICE!!! ZE HEAT IST ON!!!” Chef Torte spazzed. Massive quanities of great energy flowed into the PAN OF PAIN. It glowed wiht a crisp golden aura. “VISHUPOW!!!” Chef Torte echoed. (WISHAPOW! Is what Chef Torte means, it’s just that he’s got that delightful accent.)

A gigantic sprhere of golden light shot from the PAN OF PAIN and whizzed toward Yoshi at an incredible speed. It already hit him in fact, I was merely describing the attack. Yoshi was damaged greatly. Another blast like that would end the fight for the poor Yoshi. Chef Torte powered up his PAN OF PAIN again and shot the blast. Yoshi dodged it, but he couldn’t dodge it many times. When the blast struck the tower, a huge hole was left in the place. Yoshi only had so much area tower on which to stand after so many blasts. Chef Torte continued the greatly-powered attacks, each devastating the arena, and pushing Yoshi one step closer to his doom.

“What do you mean, get me up there with your parasol?” Embert asked.

“Um... this!” Peach said. Peach whacked Embert with her parasol, and went flying upward.

“Mwah ha ha! Now you vill die!” Chef Torte said.

Yoshi was on the last bit of ground, he had nowhere to run.

“VISHUPOW!!!” Chef Torte quaked, releasing the blast.

But as the shot neared Yoshi, Embert T. Podoboo flew up right in front of Yoshi. Yoshi smacked the little Podoboo with the PAN OF POWER, and Embert raced along the sky directly toward the blast. Embert went so fast, he pushed the blast the way he was going- towards the chef. Chef Torte screamed, and collided with the blast. He started losing his balance as it hit him. He flung his PAN OF PAIN up in the air. Embert flew off somewhere in the explosion.


Then his PAN OF PAIN came back down and struck him in the head, causing the final blow to knock him off.

“MON DIEU!!!” Chef Torte screamed as he fell.

Chef Torte and his PAN OF PAIN plunged into the volcano and sank beneath the fiery lava. With that, the evil chef was defeated. Yoshi safely hopped back down to the princess.

“Yoshi! You did it! Now let’s get out of this dump!” Peach said.

“Yes, but the door is still shut, and we certainly can’t jump down!” Yoshi said.

“Oh dear! How will we get out of here then?” Peach asked.

The whirring of a plane was heard from above. The royal plane of Peach’s father the King hovered (somehow) above the totaled tower’s top. A rope ladder came down, and Yoshi and the princess climbed it. They hopped aboard to see Luigi, Merlink, Toad, Toadsworth, the King, the Chancellor, Mallow, Ryan-oshi, and the rest of the Mushroom Retainers.

“How did you know where to find us?!” Yoshi asked.

“We saw some fireworks, it lead us the way!” Luigi said.

“Oh I’m so glad to see you all again!” Peach said. “But, where’s Mario?”

Where indeed is Mario? Did he really die? Has Vuljiin, the unexpected evil of the story, truly won? What will he do with those Crystals? Will Peach settle for Luigi? Will they still need me for all their Special Cheesey Effects? Tune in next time pizanoes! I’m BOB, saying The Good, the Bad, and the Torte still has a few tricks left up its sleeve! Don’t delay, order Chapter 46, the exciting final chapter besides the epilogue (which will cost extra) to The Good, the Bad, and the Torte now! Call 1-800-555-CHEF, that’s 1-800-555-CHEF! You only pay a small shipping and handling fee of bothering to go online and go to one of the fine websites this magnificent story is located at! If you act now, after the epilogue, there might be a special bonus at the end of the story! Order now!!!

Chapter 46: Birth of the Heroic Hybrid, “Stario”

Vuljiin laughed devilishly. He walked up to Mario’s lifeless corpse, still grasping the Crystal Star in his hand.

“It’s funny. How many times I was defeated by this pathetic plumber in the past, and just like that, I could kill him. Amazing how strong I’ve become!” Vuljiin said to himself. “Well it’s time for me to return to my home, with these Crystals!”

Vuljiin levitated Mario’s cold dead hand, and he released the crystal. Vuljiin lifted it over Mario’s body, then atttempted to bring it close to him to store it away. But strangely, the Crystal Star didn’t follow his hand’s guide. It just floated over Mario’s dead body. Vuljiin tried again with no luck. He was now frustrated and confused.

“What’s wrong?” Vuljiin yelled.

Suddenly, the clear Crystal Star started spinning at an extreme rate. Then it flashed bright white and fell into pieces. The pieces glowed and sunk into Mario’s dead body. Vuljiin shook his head in disbelief and utter confusion. Mario’s body glowed with an eerie light. His corpse rose into the air. It turned so he was facing Vuljiin.

“NO!!! I KILLED YOU!!! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!!!” Vuljiin shouted.

Suddenly Mario’s whole body shone with a bright white aura. He was reanimated. His colors came back from the dull gray of his charred body. Mario’s shirt and pants were revived with the most brilliant of colors, and his gloves, shoes, and hat did the same. Star shapes formed on the buttons holding his overalls together, and Star markings appeared on the front and backs of his hands. Stars appeared on the bottom of his shoes too. The “M” faded on his cap and a Star was marked there, then an even stonger aand more threatening “M” appeared on top of the Star symbol. Mario had energy flowing all around him. Then a long golden cape formed on his back. It flowed through the air majestically. The stormy clouds darkening the entire planet (it seemed) gloriously cleared up and let the twinkling morning Stars in the sky shine before the Sun rose. Then one last surge of energy erupted in Mario. He landed on the ground and opened his eyes.

“But... but... NO!!! I KILLED YOU, MARIO!!!” Vuljiin cried.

“Yes. You did-a kill Mario. However, Mario’s body and remaining spirit combined with the Crystal Star, and I was-a born. I am Stario, the hybrid of Super Mario and the-a Crystal Star. I have been born to stop your evil, all evil,” Stario spoke.

“Well I am still more powerful than you! No one can defeat me!” Vuljiin roared. “Though you have the Crystal Star in you, you’re still a pathetic plumber who fell down the drain, and I will destroy every bit of you!” Vuljiin unsheathed his demonic sword; all of its power and energy was at its maximum.

“As you wish,” Stario said. Stario reached back and pulled out his own sword, though it was only a handle. The handle had a Star on the end of it. Then a beam of light formed the blade. The light solidified and became pure material of a Star, which had only been done once before. The blade slowly transitioned from every color of the rainbow, including clear, gold, silver, and brown. The sword was an awesome display of power and beauty.

“Star your sword may be, but my sword was crafted from the finest gems in all Plit, Zarrocks, found by the great ancient Magikoopa, Zarr. These gems have a mystical power and will outdo your sword of Star!” Vuljiin said. “Let’s brawl!”

The two began their duel. Vuljiin struck first by slicing his sword down at Stario. Stario defended with his sword, and once the two blades collided a small explosion of pure energy occured. As they fought, this happened each time their sabers touched. The two combatants showed much strength and seemed to be equally matched. Then Stario sliced hard with his sword and knocked Vuljiin into the castle walls. He dusted himself off and cursed.

“You got lucky. I won’t slip up again!” Vuljiin stammered. He flew at Stario and chopped at him with great force. Stario fell back on the ground, but in an instant righted himself. Then he charged Vuljiin. Vuljiin powered his sword with energy and blasted a beam out of its tip. The beam hurt Stario greatly and tossed him backward and through the wall surrounding the courtyard. Stario jumped up and flew at Vuljiin. Vuljiin summoned a lightning bolt with his sword, but Stario blocked it with his saber. Vuljiin, forgetting that the material was made out of Star, was confused and left himself open to an attack. Stario blasted him with a full wave of energy from a chop of his sword. The wave was cresent-shaped and changed colors simultaneously with the sword’s blade. Vuljiin was hit with the wave, and hit hard. He got up, very weakened.

“Curses. Looks like I’ll need a different way to defeat you...” Vuljiin said. Vuljiin raised his mighty cutlass to the sky, zapped a beam of energy upward, and then charged Stario. The two collided and continued their fantastic swordplay. Though Stario had not realized it, the beam that was shot up in the sky was not just a distraction. It formed a massive cloud-like area, and zapped with might. Vuljiin was planning something devious.



“Um... yes,” Luigi muttered.


“Yes,” the pilot replied.

“WHAT?! WELL GO FASTER!!!” Peach surged.


Vuljiin knocked Stario back again, this time Stario was pushed slightly into the ground. Then the evil one shot another devastating beam at the grounded warrior hybrid, but Stario got up without any resistance. Vuljiin shot many beams down, but Stario dodged them all, flew up to Vuljiin, and uppercut him. Vuljiin flew up and then fell down to the ground below. He shook his head and stood up. He levitated his sword back into his grasp and defended himself from Stario as he fell down and tried to strike him with his sword. The two fought noisily as well as with great power; each exchanged strike created an explosion of noise. In the not-too-far away Toadstool Town, where the Mushroomers had been in an uproar of panic earlier, the inhabitants were now curious and worried by these frightful noises. Genji T., a royal guard of Princess Toadstool (who obviously wasn’t doing his job), Crazy Koopa, and Tayce T formed a group of three to go check it out. Tayce T was obviously gloating, as ever since she had won the cooking contest on television she had carried around her trophy. Everyone was annoyed by it now and knew she was somehow the reason Princess Toadstool was captured by Chef Torte. Still Tayce T was completely oblivious to this and carried around her trophy anyway.

“You’ve greatly improved since I last fought you!” Vuljiin said.

“I told you, I’m not Mario, I’m Stario!” Stario said, shooting a bright yellow laser from his hand, sending Vuljiin smashing down to the ground.

“Pah!” Vuljiin said, standing up. “No matter what your name be, I am still the strongest being ever! And I will get that Crystal Star from you one way or another!”

Vuljiin thrust his sword into Stario’s chest. Stario fell to the ground below.

“I told you! You foolish imbocile! I’m so smart, and you’re so dumb!” Vuljiin laughed.

A bright golden light shined through Stario’s punctured chest and healed the wound. The slight rip in his shirt was repaired too.

“WHAT?! BAH! I have healing powers too! I will still crush you though!” Vuljiin shouted.

Vuljiin fired his strongest beam yet at Stario. Stario sliced it and shot it back at the dark warrior. Vuljiin was hit with the full blast of his beam and sank to the ground, his heart pounding, his pulse rising. With a simple twist of DNA, Mario, the weakling Vuljiin killed with the greatest of ease, was now finishing Vuljiin off. There had to be a way to defeat him, Vuljiin knew there was, but he wasn’t ready to use his trump card, the special attack that has waiting for him in the sky, just yet.

Genji T looked through an opening in the courtyard. He was in awe at what he saw. “It’s Mario... I think... and someone else. He’s all dark, and you can’t see who he is. But Mario... he looks so different. So much more powerful!” Genji said.

“Let me see!” Tayce T said, pushing Genji out of the way.

She looked out at the two fighters in a great battle. Tayce T was surprised at what she saw. Just then a beam from Vuljiin’s sword was deflected by Stario and was sent flying for the Martha Stewart Mushroomer. Tayce T widened her eyes and flew back from the force. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on who you happen to be) Tayce T wasn’t harmed, her trophy had taken the full force of the beam. Tears ran down the Mushroomer’s face.

“My beautiful trophy! How will I gloat now?!” Tayce T cried.

Genji and Crazy Koopa high-fived each other.


Vuljiin flew far away from Stario and got some good distance between them. Then he unleashed a barrage of his sword’s strongest beams, finishing with one really powerful one. Stario flew back into the castle. It took him a moment to get up and wipe off the dust off of him. His cape was torn a bit as well. This means he wasn’t invincible, and could be killed. Stario, however, was far from being defeated, and rebounded by shooting another wave at Vuljiin, then rushing up and slamming him against the castle wall. Now the secret weapon Vuljiin had hidden and prepared was great in power and size. It shocked out small electricity bolts and flowed with colors. It was very visible from the sky. In fact, the people riding in the plane could see it.

“Oh no! What’s that?!” Peach said. “Maybe Vuljiin’s about to deliver the final blow to my Mario!!! NO!!!”

“Calm down! Mario will get through this! He... has to!” Luigi said.

“We’re almost there, Princess. We’ll get to see him soon enough!” Mallow said.

While Luigi, Toad, Mallow and the others tried to comfort Peach. Yoshi and Ryan-oshi were gobbling down all the food that was aboard the plane and Yoshi was telling the story of his fight with Soshi and Chef Torte.

“They’re really going at it!” Genji said.

“Hmm, you think I should shout hi like I always do?” Crazy Koopa asked.

“Nah, it’ll just distract Mario.” Genji said.

“Yeah, you’re probably right!” Crazy Koopa responded.

“My trophy!!! Now I’ll have to wait until next year to get another one!!!” Tayce T whined.

Stario kept pushing Vuljiin into a corner by chopping at him, pushing him back with each attack. Vuljiin was even pushed back when he blocked Stario's sword. Then Vuljiin got stuck. Stario pulled back his sword, then thrust with all his might. Vuljiin dodged this though by quickly kicking Stario in the stomach, causing him to miss. Then Vuljiin rapidly escaped to an open area and fired his beams again. They exploded with a mighty cloud of smoke around the area where Stario was. Then Vuljiin shot another really strong one.

“MARIO!” Crazy Koopa shouted.

Finally, the plane came into view and landed in front of the castle. Everyone burst out, especially Peach. They then ran through the castle and ended up by Genji, Tayce T, and Crazy Koopa. Ryan-oshi and Crazy Koopa, the friends that they are, said hi. Peach was about to rush out in their crazily, but was stopped by Luigi, Yoshi, Mallow, Toad, Toadsworth, and Merlink. If they all hadn't pulled her back, she probably would have overpowered them.

“LET ME GO!!!” Peach screamed.

That was certainly a bad move, letting Vuljiin know they were there. Vuljiin shot a mighty beam at them, but Stario emerged from the smoke and deflected the blast in time. Stario floated in front of them. Peach gasped at how Mario looked different. Besides his new outfit, some of Mario’s extra weight had transformed into muscle.

“Get out of here! You’ll-a just make it harder for me to concentrate!!!” Stario said, turning to them.

“You heard him! Everyone let’s-a go!!!” Luigi said.

Everyone dragged Peach back and got out of the castle. Stario turned around and was met with a powerful and deadly beam attack. Stario spit out some shiny sparkling blood, and zoomed across the courtyard. He put his sword away and punched Vuljiin numerous times, then kicked him hard into the castle. Then Stario charged his saber immensly and let out two devastating waves of energy. Now most of the inner parts of the Royal Mushroom Castle were completely desolated. Stario floated majestically above the ground, his cape flowing from the explosion and his sword pointed downward. He landed on the ground, turned, and walked out of the courtyard. Everyone rushed up when they saw their hero walk out. A tsunami of questions flooded Stario. Though he wasn’t truly Mario, he still had many of Mario’s qualities, attributes, traits, and feelings, and he still cared for the people before him.

“First of all let me say this-a! I am not-a Mario! He is-a dead!” Stario said.

“WHAT?!” everyone shot back.

“I am the combination of Mario and the Crystal Star. I am Stario!” Stario announced.

"Stario?!” everyone asked in unison.

Before Stario could answer anything else, a great rumbling came from behind, deep in the castle. Vuljiin rose up out of the courtyard and into the sky, his eyes bulging with bright red. He was surging with power.


The spazzed out Vuljiin raised his mighty sword, the tip of the blade pointing upward at his charged cloud of raw energy.


The enormous energy blob throbbing with power above zapped all of its power together and launched itself at Stario.

“NO! IT’LL KILL YOU!!!” Peach screamed.

Stario flew up and positioned himself to shield the oncoming attack from his friends and family below. Stario took the full force of the mighty chaotic spell and started burning with green and blue flames. Peach screamed, and the rest were worried with tears in their eyes and pain in their hearts. Once the full blast was completed, Stario slowly floated downward. He coughed up the shiny sparkling blood of his, and collapsed. Vuljiin laughed evily.

“NO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!” Peach screamed.

The hotheaded princess grabbed the PAN OF POWER out of Yoshi’s hand and tossed it upward. It landed on Vuljiin’s head with a bonk.

“OW!!! YOU IMBECILE!!! YOU’LL BE NEXT!!!” Vuljiin roared.

Vuljiin shot a powerful beam from his sword at the princess. Peach screamed, but Luigi and Yoshi dove in front of her, taking the blast. Though not dead, Luigi and Yoshi fell in defeat. Vuljiin shot another blast, but this time everyone scattered. He began a hunt and peck game by shooting his beam wherever he saw someone.


Then Vuljiin decided to wipe everyone out with one blow. He raised his sword and charged it with great power. He was astonished when everyone stopped running and looked up at him.

“Wha?” Vuljiin said.

The confused sorceror turned his head and looked up in the sky. The Stars were barely seen anymore, as the Sun was about to rise. But the Stars somehow glowed with a golden light. They pulsated their shine. It was a mystical sight. Vuljiin was confused and a little frightened by this. Then, Stario’s hand moved. He got up, the Stars had replenished his strength with their last visible light. He stared up at Vuljiin. Vuljiin turned back and looked in dread. He shook his head in disbelief. Stario rose up into the sky.

“Now I will have to destroy you! Prepare yourself for my special attack, the STAR SLICE ‘N’ DICE!!!” Stario said.

Stario lifted his sword before him, to a high point. Then he chopped down slightly diagonally. When he sliced it left a trail of color. Then he chopped his sword diagonally upward again, but faster, then he went straight across, then down then up. He repeated this and got faster with each slice. Eventually he went fast enough so the trails made up the shape of a pentagram, or Star. Then he went extremely fast, and the trails seemed to become a solid substance. Then he stopped. The Star formation of trails stayed. He pulled back his sword and aimed it so he would thrust it through the center.

“Arriva danchie!” Stario said.

Stario thrust his glorious sword tough the center, which fired the Star at an incredible speed. It flew at the now screaming Vuljiin. It passed through him with a great explosion. Vuljiin was not seen but was heard. His cries of pain were spine-tingling. A pulsating golden light shone through the cloud of smoke from the explosion. Then out shot a black sphere with a tail following it. It spun around and flashed red. Then it slammed to a stop and disappeared in a white flash as the Sun peeked over the horizon, to start a new day...

Read on!

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