Escape from Camp Dusty

By Blue Boo

Part One

Rain poured outside Castle Koopa as Bowser and the Koopalings walked in after fighting the Marios.

Iggy: I'm bruised in places I didn't even know I had!

Bowser: I raised you kids to kill two lousy plumbers, and you are yet to defeat them!

Ludwig: Give us time, King Dad! It's not easy fighting the Marios!

Roy: If I could just grab hold of em' and pound them...

Bowser: I've heard enough! All of you will spend the night in the dungeon! Now!

Wendy: Figures.

Morton: But that's not right that we should be sent to the dungeon because we didn't destroy the Mario Brothers as we have tried several times and haven't even won yet so it's not very easy to beat them which is not fair tha-


Morton stopped talking. The Koopalings all went to their dungeon cells for the night. Bowser went to the lounge and turned on the TV.

TV: New, Chicken Grease! To get the taste of grease without the chicken getting in the way!

Bowser: Idiots.

Bowser changed the channel.

TV: Oh, Marco! I'll never leave you!

Kissing sounds were heard from the TV. Bowser changed the channel again.

Bowser: I hate soaps.

TV: Hello there! I'm Havoc Hound here with Blue Boo and we're going to say some completely random words!

Bowser: Author can't make a story without himself.

Bowser changed the channel.

TV: Velcome! I am ze vonderful chef, Chef Torte! Zis iz my cooking show!

Bowser: I hate cooking.

Bowser changed the channel.

TV: Is it hard raising your kids? Does it seem like they can't do anything right?

Bowser: Huh?

TV: Then you should sign them up for Camp Dusty! At this boot camp, your kids will learn respect, discipline, and the value of hard work!

Bowser: This sounds like a good idea.

TV: It will put them through rigorous training, and they will be sent back to you behaved and strong!

Bowser: But how much does it cost?

TV: For normal Koopas, 50,000 coins. For castle workers, 20,000 coins! For tyrants...

Bowser: Yes? Yes?

TV: 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 and a half coins.

Bowser: D'oh!

TV: Now sign your kids up for boot camp, or I'll break your arms!

Bowser: Who's gonna know I'm not a worker?

The next day, everybody woke up and headed downstairs for breakfast. When everyone arrived, Bowser made an announcement.

Bowser: Attention.

Bowser hit his glass with a spoon to get everyone's attention, but he hit it too hard and it broke.

Bowser: Oops. I mean, I have an important announcement.

Wendy: You're giving me your credit card?

Bowser: No.

Morton: You're going to let me give my long speeches that usually annoy people but instead you will let them listen and not be annoyed as-

Bowser: No!

Roy: You will let me pound anyone I want?

Bowser: NO NO NO!!! I'm signing you brats up for boot camp!

Larry: No!

Iggy: Say it isn't so!

Lemmy: Anything but that!

Roy: Yes! Finally a dream come true!

Ludwig: I have work to do here, and I'm in no shape for boot camp!

Wendy: I will get all dirty and sweaty!

Morton: I will-

Bowser: Yes yes, I know. You won't like it. But you kids need to learn discipline. And Ludwig needs to lose weight.

Ludwig: Hey! Don't you know I'M SITTING RIGHT HERE?!

Roy: Thank you, King Dad! This is what I've wanted all my life!

Larry: What about my plants?

Bowser: I'll get Clawdia to water them.

Clawdia: Honey, I-

Bowser: Shush.

Wendy: I don't wanna go! I DON'T WANNA I DON'T WANNA I DON'T WANNA!!!


Ludwig: Okay. Let's go.

Wendy: I can't believe I'm doing this.

Roy: Alright! This is going to be great!

So, Bowser drove the kids to the military camp. The trip took all day and they arrived at night. When he got there, he dropped off the Koopalings.

Larry: I have a bad feeling about this.

???: Welcome, you sissies! This is Camp Dusty! I'm going to turn you into men!

Wendy: What about me?

???: I won't hear any backtalk, missy! Do you understand me?!

Wendy: Yes.

???: Yes, WHAT?!

Wendy: Yes sir.

???: That's more like it! I am Sargeant Hills! I am going to put you through the toughest month of your lives! You will do vigorous training, including running exercises, climbing, swimming, and pain resistance.

Iggy: *gulp*

Sgt. Hills: Right now, you will carry all your stuff on your backs, and you will run to your barracks.

Ludwig: Where are our barracks?

Sgt. Hills: Five miles. I suggest you go now before our security systems start up and our guard dogs are released.

Koopalings: Ahh!

The Koopalings ran for 50 minutes. They finally arrived just as the security systems were activated.

Ludwig: This is madness!

Roy: This may not be as fun as I'd hoped.

Lemmy: Let's just sleep for the night and wait for tomorrow.

Iggy: I'm with you. Let's try to sleep.

So they all got out their sleeping bags and had a cold night on the hard ground in the barracks. There were roaches and spiders everywhere. They were woken the next morning with a rather loud horn.

Sgt. Hills: Wake up, you maggots! We're going to start our training today!

The Koopalings stumbled out of the barracks.

Sgt. Hills: Now, first, you will go down and eat breakfast, then-

Koopalings: BREAKFAST!!!

The Koopalings all ran to the kitchen, leaving Sgt. Hills in the dust.

Sgt. Hills: Noboby treats an instructor that way!

Sgt. Hills rushed into the kitchen and up to the Koopalings.

Morton: You're back! Why are you here, we left you behind, left you in the dust, sped up in front, took off-


Sgt. Hills: Does anyone else want a piece of this bazooka?

Nobody spoke.

Sgt. Hills: Good. Now, you will have no breakfast and you will follow me to your training.

The Koopalings all grumbled as they walked out of the kitchen. When they got to their training, they found a huge path that lead in a huge circle.

Larry: Are we taking a nature hike?

Sgt. Hills: Not likely! You are going to run three laps on here at exactly ten miles per hour! If you slow down at all, you will have to redo it to make up for it, then start over. Understand?

Lemmy: Sure.

Sgt. Hills: By the way, short stuff, you have to RUN on this track. You CANNOT ride that ball!

Lemmy: But... but... but I...

Sgt. Hills popped Lemmy's ball.

Lemmy: I can hardly walk!

Sgt. Hills: Tough. Ready, GO!!!

The Koopalings all ran, except for Lemmy, who stumbled and tripped trying to run.

Sgt. Hills: Ooooh... is this track too TOUGH for ya? Would you like to go home and watch TV?

Lemmy: Yes, I would.

Sgt. Hills: WELL TOO BAD!!!

Lemmy: Aww...

Meanwhile, the other Koopalings were losing their breath.

Roy: How *pant* far *pant* have *pant* we gone?

Ludwig: About *pant* halfway!

Wendy: We can *pant* never do this!

Sgt. Hills: Keep it up, you sissies! You're halfway from completing your first lap!

Larry: Any ideas, *pant* braniac?

Ludwig: Well, we could *pant* run away, but... then King Dad *pant* would kill us...

Wendy: We could  *pant* somehow make it look like we're *pant* running, while we sit and do *pant* nothing.

Ludwig: And how would we do that?

Morton: She *pant* *gasp* means *gasp* your new *pant* invention.

Ludwig: At least Morton  *pant* can't talk a lot...


Ludwig: Ok, *pant* let's just try my invention.

Ludwig pulled out an invention of his. He pushed a button and it blew them up. They were blown back to Lemmy.

Sgt. Hills: What are you doing?

Ludwig: Ow... we were...

Sgt. Hills: That means more running!

Koopalings: Aww....

So the Koopalings ran/stumbled all day. Finally, night came and they were nowhere near finished.

Sgt. Hills: Hmm... seems we will have to end this.

Iggy: *pant* Finally!

Sgt. Hills: We're going to start training bright and early, and you will eat breakfast if you stay with ME!!!

Iggy: Ok... we will...

The Koopalings all went inside the barracks, resting up after the hard day.

Roy: This place stinks.

Lemmy: I wanna go home.

Wendy: I'm getting dirty.

Iggy: I'm tired.

Morton: I agree that this place stinks and I also want to go home and I also am getting dirty and I also am tired and I want to go and eat wedding cake because it tastes good and-

Roy: MORTON!!!

Morton: Ok ok ok ok ok ok ok. This place stinks.

Ludwig: Wait until you see my latest invention, the Scentomatic 3000! I spray people and they will sneeze like crazy! Then we can escape!

Ludwig pushed a button and the machine blew up, which caused a horrible stench. Everybody fainted. No really, everybody in Camp Dusty fainted! The next day, they were awoken once again by a loud horn.

Sgt. Hills: Wake up for breakfast!

Wendy: Finally.

The Koopalings got out of their sleeping bags and walked outside. They followed Sgt. Hills to the kitchen. There, they had grits, slaw, bread, and water.

Roy: Um...

Sgt. Hills: What is it?

Roy: Where's the cereal?

Wendy: Where's the fish?

Morton: Where's the-

Lemmy: He wants to know where the wedding cake is.

Sgt. Hills: This is your breakfast and you are going to like it!

Iggy: I hate grits.

Sgt. Hills: Tough!

Roy: I don't want this stuff! Where's all the guns and fighting and blood and all that stuff?

Sgt. Hills: There will be none of that until your training is over!

Roy: That's not what I expected!

Sgt. Hills: Tough! Now, your dad has told me that you may run away, so I'm offering 100,000 coins to anyone who makes it through the month!

Lemmy: Wow!

Sgt. Hills: Now today, you're up for some harsh training!

Iggy: Uh oh. I don't like the sound of that.

Sgt. Hills: You'd better get ready. Heheheh.

Part Two

As the Koopalings and Sgt. Hills left the kitchen, Lemmy's legs were starting to hurt without his ball.

Lemmy: Oww. My legs hurt.

Sgt. Hills: They're getting stronger! You need to keep going like that and eventually you'll have strong legs!

Lemmy: Yeah, sure... ow.

Iggy: What are we doing today?

Sgt. Hills: Oh, you'll see. Hehehe.

Iggy: Why do we have to do this?

Roy: Yeah! I've had enough!

Roy leaped at Sgt. Hills, but Hill twisted Roy arm, elbowed his back, and flung him into the lake.

Sgt. Hills: Say hello to the sharks!

Roy: Sharks?!

Spash! Chomp!

Roy: AAAAHH!!!

Wendy: Shouldn't you help him?

Sgt. Hills: Don't worry, he'll be okay.

Roy was starting to sink.

Roy: Help! Help me! Help! Blbmblb!

Sgt. Hills: He should swim away any minute now.

Roy's arms were flailing around as the sharks munched him. After a few seconds, he could be seen.

Sgt. Hills: Any... minute... now...

Roy could then be seen floating with his back up like a body does.

Ludwig: You sure he's alright? He looks dead or knocked out.

Sgt. Hills: For crying out loud! He's supposed to be a great swimmer when his life is at stake!

Lemmy: Roy has never been a good swimmer.

Larry: I don't even think he can really swim at all.

Sgt. Hills: Now what kind of wimp doesn't know how to swim?

Koopalings: Roy.

Roy's unconsious body floated to the edge of the lake. A bunch of Clawdaddies came and started attacking him. After a severe beating, the carried his body into a cave, where they took his sunglasses. They put it on and started acting cool. Just then, Roy woke up.

Roy: Ooh... where... am... I?

Clawdaddy: Oooh!!!

Roy beat up the puffy crabs with the last bit of strength he had left. He marched out of the cave with his sunglasses. Sgt. Hills and the other Koopalings ran up to him.

Ludwig: You're ok!

Roy: Guys, I think you'll have to train without me for a while.

Ludwig: I'm afraid so. At least you'll be in a warm-


Koopalings: What?!

Sgt. Hills: In fact, I want you to run five laps around this lake RIGHT NOW!!!

Roy: That's not fair!

Sgt. Hills: This will train your pain resistance! Now go, or you'll have to do twice as much!

Roy: At least I will be finished by night.

Sgt. Hills: Sorry, but this lake is off of camp grounds! The dogs don't come here and the security doesn't track here!

Roy: How do you know I'm running if you'll be with the other Koopalings?

Sgt. Hills: Because they're doing the same thing!

Koopalings: WHAT?!

Sgt. Hills: NOW!!!

All the Koopalings except for Roy and Lemmy ran as fast as they could. Lemmy and Roy just stumbled.

Roy: I can't run while I'm all beaten up!

Sgt. Hills: And you cannot wear those sunglasses while I'm here!

Sgt. Hills took Roy's sunglasses and broke them in half. He dropped the halves on the ground and stomped on them.


Lemmy: Oh my gosh! Roy without his sunglasses!

Roy: When we get home, you are going to be so dead!

Lemmy: Hahaha!

After they finally ran the laps (even Lemmy and Roy managed it) and after some taunting for Roy, Sgt. Hills walked up to them.

Iggy: I guess we eat lunch?

Sgt. Hills: Now I want you to swim across the lake and come back ten times!

Iggy: NO!!!

Roy: I'm beaten up and I've never been much of a swimmer!

Wendy was already in the lake and she had finished her first round.

Wendy: Come on you weaklings!

Sgt. Hills: Well, since you seem to be an advanced swimmer, you will have to do 500 rounds!

Wendy: What?!

The rest of the Koopalings except Roy jumped into the water and started complaining of its coldness. Well, all except one.

Lemmy: Hey, the temperature is nice!

Iggy: C-c-c-cold...

Ludwig: W-w-why don't t-t-t-they w-warm it up-p?

Sgt. Hills: Come on you sissies! Move it!

Meanwhile, back at Castle Koopa...

Bowser: Sure is quiet around here. Maybe I should play with Bagels. BAGELS!!! GET IN HERE!!!

Bagels came running into the lounge and immediately jumped on Bowser's lap.

Bagels: Master!

Bowser: Can you fetch this ball?

Bagels: Anything for you!

Bowser threw the ball out the window and Bagels jumped after it.

Bowser: Oops...

Bowser turned on the TV and started watching.

Bowser: I wonder how those kids are doing.

Back at the camp, most of the Koopalings were done except for Iggy and Roy, who were still on their first rounds.

Iggy: T-t-to c-c-c-c-c-cold-d!

Iggy then became a frozen ice block and sank to the bottom of the lake. Roy swam back to shore; he was able to do so easily for he had only gotten one foot in the water. That means one foot, as in body parts.

Sgt. Hills: Oh for crying out loud! Will somebody go help him?!

Wendy: I will!

Wendy jumped in the water and like before was too happy to be swimming to worry about the coldness. She saw Iggy and tried to pull him out, but she only moved him a few inches.

Wendy: Iggy, wake up!

Iggy: ...


This tantrum was so loud that it was causing the water to create waves and Iggy's ice to crack.

Iggy: C-c-cold...

Iggy swam as fast as he could back to shore, followed by Wendy. The sharks hadn't attacked during this whole swim, but they became hungry again and started to attack Wendy.

Wendy: Oh no!

As Iggy crawled out of the water, now partially immune to coldness, Wendy was splashing around in the lake.

Lemmy: Uh oh!

Wendy then did something she'd never done before. She screamed so loud that the sound made the sharks black out. It also caused the water to create tidal waves.

Sgt. Hills: HOLY!!!

Iggy: Uh oh.

Roy: Water... eep!


The whole lakeside was flooded, and all the camp buildings around it were washed away. Some of the campers in the buildings were splashing around screaming.

Wendy: How... did... that... happen?


Roy was standing, and the water wasn't even at his waist. He was screaming like a baby, which made him look very stupid. As the Koopalings, Sgt. Hills, and the washed up campers walked to the medical building, the speakers came on.

Speakers: Attention all campers! We have new recruits! Please welcome Nick Koopa...

Ludwig: Nick's coming? Hooray!

Larry: Nick? NICK KOOPA?! That means that... uh oh...

Speakers: ... and Susan Koopa!

Larry: NOOOOOO!!!

Susan immediately dropped all of her stuff and ran over to Larry.

Susan: Oh, Larry! I heard you were here so I begged dad to take us here!

Larry: This can't get any worse.

It started raining.

Morton: That always happens in the cartoons which is usually funny but not now because it's actually happening and we'll get wet and there could be-

Thunderclap. A huge bolt of lightning flashed across the sky.

Morton: Yes that, exactly, which is not good for us as we should go inside or we could get struck which would be very bad and-

Sgt. Hills: Go inside? You wish.

Lemmy: What?! That's not fair!

Sgt. Hills: Tough! Now you can run fifty laps! MOVE IT!!!

And so, the Koopalings ran laps around the camp, which was very tiring. Larry ended up receiving kisses from Susan, and Ludwig hung out with Nick. As the day went by, the Koopalings began to grow adapted to their environment. They then went to the cafeteria for dinner.

Susan: I love you.

Larry: Leave me alone!

Nick: I can't believe my sister made us come here.

Ludwig: Little sisters are so dumb.

Wendy: WHAT?!

Wendy then beat Ludwig into a bloody pulp. He stood no chance against her incredibly loud shrieks.

Ludwig: OKAY!!! SORRY!!!

Wendy: That's more like it.

Iggy: I'm starved. What are we eating?

Sgt. Hills: Pizza!

Koopalings, Susan, and Nick: Really?

Sgt. Hills: Nope! You'll only get dry steak. And you'll get a small cut of it.

Larry: *sigh* I'm not real big on meat.

Sgt. Hills: Too bad!

Roy: This place isn't supposed to be this rough! I thought it would be cool!

Sgt. Hills: Well you thought wrong! Now eat up.

The Koopalings, Susan, and Nick each grabbed a plate and sat at a table.

Part Three

Bowser sat down in the throne room watching two Sledge Brothers battle it out. This was the only thing he could do to keep himself entertained while the kids were gone.

Bowser: I sure miss those brats...

Sledge Brother 1: I'm gonna finish ya!

Sledge Brother 2: Nooo!!!

The first Sledge delivered the last blow to the second. He had become the victor.

Sledge Brother 1: Hey! Bowser!!! I did it!

Before anything else could be said, Karma ran into the room and threw the Sledge Brother against the wall.

Karma: Bowser, it's too dull around here! I actually miss Ludwig!

Bowser: Shaddap. What do you want me to do?

Karma: I don't know, but I just wanted to tell you that sending the Koopalings to boot camp was a really bad idea!

Bowser: They need to learn some respect.

Karma: But Ludwig shows a lot of respect! I want to sign up too!

Bowser: No! It's already expensive enough!

Karma: What happened to posing as a guard?

Begin flashback.

Bowser: Soo... this is the camp?

Sgt. Hills: Yessir!

Bowser: Okay. I work a-

Sgt. Hills: Of course I know who you are, tyrant Bowser the tyrantious tyrant! Who is a tyrant!

End flashback.

Bowser looked angry.

Bowser: Ohh, they found out after I tried to convince them that I was a guard.

Karma: Soo... does that mean that we're going to be low in cash for a while?

Bowser: Yes.

Karma: Okay, I suppose you'll have to spend the rest of the month with me here.

Bowser: Look, I want to send you to boot camp to get you away from here, but we only have four thousand coins in our account right now!

Karma: Oh...

Karma walked down the hall with a sad look on her face.


The Koopalings and their cousins were still at Camp Dusty. After finishing up their breakfast and doing morning laps, they were all lined up in front of Sgt. Hills.

Sgt. Hills: Very good, campers! Now, we have to do some rock-climbing exercises.

Roy: A rock wall? Finally this will be some fun!

Sgt. Hills: You're not using a rock wall, you idiot!

Sgt. Hills took a bat and whacked Roy on the head.

Roy: Owie!

Sgt. Hills: Instead, you will be climbing a giant ant mound!

Nick: What?! You've got to be kidding!

Larry (being pounded by both Roy and Nick): These guys are pounding me and it hurts!

Sgt. Hills: They are only exercising your pain resistance!

Ludwig: You're really interested in this pain resistance thing, aren't you?

Sgt. Hills: Yes I am!

Hills took out an electrical connection thingie and attached it to Ludwig's hands. He got electrocuted and his hair was even more messed up then usual.

Ludwig: I *zap* had to *buzz* ask!

Sgt. Hills: Now onto our climbing mound!

Susan: Ooh! We can climb together, Larry!

Susan started kissing Larry, but was instantly pulled away by Sgt. Hills.

Sgt. Hills: I've had enough girlie stuff, little lady! If I catch you kissing him again, I'm gonna make you do twice as many laps as you normally do!

Susan: *gulp* Y-y-yessir!

Sgt. Hills: And lately you seem to have been happy and care-free! You must learn to push your limits, or you will accomplish nothing! Understand?

Susan: Yessir!

Sgt. Hills: Good.

Hills lead the group to a giant ant mound with fire ants crawling all around the sides. They were very big ants, about the size of a golfball.

Lemmy: I'm not sure about this...

Iggy: Where's our gear?

Sgt. Hills: You won't be using any! Go!

Roy: Make us!

Hills pulled out a loaded rifle.

Wendy: Aah!

They instantly jumped on the ant mound and got covered in ants.

Nick: Aah!

They jumped down and Hills cocked his rifle.

Iggy: Aah!

They jumped on the ant mound.

Lemmy: Aah!

On the ground.

Larry: Aah!

Again and again, they jumped on and off of the mound. This wasn't what Hills had intended, but it was good exercise.

Sgt. Hills: Enough! You will climb to the top of the mound now!

Ludwig: S-s-sure...

So, the Koopalings and their cousins jumped on the mound and started getting ant bites. Susan got a mouthful of them, as they seemed to like eating her lipstick. Larry liked watching her scream. The pleasure of seeing Susan in pain was greater than his own extreme pain. Roy's weight caused him to pull off a chunk of the mound. A bunch of ants came out and started eating his head. Ludwig finally made it to the top of the mound, but forgot about the little holes at the top. So naturally, he fell inside and was nearly devoured by the crazed giant pests. He would've been devoured if it hadn't been for his fireball breath. He blew up the ant mound, causing ants to land on Hills and the rest of his relatives to fall to the ground. Seeing as how this was a "giant" ant mound, this was a very long fall.

Nick: Am I dead yet?

Sgt. Hills: No... and you have just insulted a military Sergeant!

Hills pulled out his trusty rifle and chased the kids around camp. He wasn't going to shoot them unless they stopped, but the Koopalings didn't know. Lemmy's legs had obviously gotten stronger because he could almost catch up to his siblings. This continued into the night, when they went back into their barracks.

A few days later, the Koopalings had all improved their skills. After running a ton, swimming in freezing water, and climbing a mound of giant fire ants, they were used to taking pain by now. But their training was far from over, as they had to stay for the rest of the month. They were all sitting in their barracks, waiting for the next training assignment.

Read on!

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