Chapter 1
Apple Kid: So, for those of you who can't remember what happened in that first rediculously long Prologue, Mario did a bunch of stuff, Goombario is following him around, and they are on there way to the Koopa Bros. Fortress. Unfortunately, all of us who played Paper Mario know what's on Pleasant Path.
They come to a bridge.
Goombario: You can't hit the switch without getting Kooper to help. He lives in Koopa Village.
Mario: Isn't Koopa Village suffering from a Fuzzy problem?
Goombario: You need to deal with that, too. It's in the script.
Mario: #$@^!
He picks Goombario up and throws him across the river, thus hitting the switch and making a bridge.
Goombario: That's not in the script!
Mario: Forget the script!
Goombario: I'll tell the author on you!
Mario: So what?
He runs up to the Koopa Bros. Fortress, where the Bob-ombs are rioting. A pink Bob-omb walks up to them.
Bombette: Hi, I'm Bombette! I'd ask you to help us, but we've already escaped and taken over the castle.
Goombario: So, you're joining us, right?
Bombette: Why should I?
Mario: (mimicing Goombario) It's in the script!
Goombario glares at Mario.
Bombette: Sure, why not?
They run to the top of the fortress, where they find... a wooden Bowser!
Red: Hehehe. They'll never recognize us in this disguise!
Yellow: You're talking, moron. They can hear you.
Green: Hey, you just talked! They must have heard that, too!
Black: Oh, let's just kill them.
Red, Yellow, and Green: Right!
The wooden Bowser rolls forward.
Bombette: I'll just blow it up!
Goombario: Mario, what are you doing?
Mario is rooting through a bag.
Mario: Where is that... OH! Here it is!
He pulls out the flamethrower he bought at Rowf's.
Mario: BURN!
He uses the entire flamethrower on the Wooden Bowser.
Red: ARGH! I'M ON FIRE! OPEN THE ESCAPE HATCH!
Green: I CAN'T! WE PUT IT ON THE BOTTOM!
Yellow: SO?
Black: THIS THING RESTS ON THE BOTTOM! WE'RE DOOMED!
Yellow: THIS NEVER HAPPENED IN THE TROJAN HORSE!
Mario sits back, listening to the screams of the Koopa Bros. as they burn.
Goombario: YOU CAN'T DO THIS! THEY'RE IN THE SCRIPT LATER!
Mario: I've had it up to HERE with this stupid "script this, script that" stuff! Now SHUT UP!
Goombario: Ok.
The Bowser burns up, and a little card pops out.
Bombette: Cool! Shiny card!
Mario runs forward and grabs the card. It turns into Eldstar.
Eldstar: Took your dear sweat time, moron!
Mario: Hey! I just rescued you, you good-for-nothing piece of dead carp!
Eldstar: Grrrr...
CRACKOW!
Note: That joke is dedicated to all of you who have read Popstar Wars, a Kirby story available on fanfiction.net.
Mario: Ugh. That hurt a little...
CRACKOW!
CRACKOW!
CRACKOW!
Note: And that joke is dedicated to all of you who are reading The Quest for Kirby, Popstar Wars's sequel, also available on fanfiction.net.
Eldstar: Now apologize.
Mario: Fine. Sorry.
Eldstar: Here's your Star Spirit power. Go rescue my sister at Dry Dry Ruins.
He flies away.
Bombette: Yay! I love traveling!
Meanwhile, at Mario's pad...
Luigi: Ah, those chocolate chip cookies are done!
Luigi pulls a sheet of cookies out of the oven. A small star flies in through the window.
Twink: (singing) Hello! How do you do!
My name is Twink, what's it to
you?
I only sing, as I'm sure that
you know.
I have a message, so here I go!
"Luigi! Help! To you I beseech!"
This message, of course, is from
Princess Peach.
"Please rescue me! Do not delay!
I'm really bored, so please come
and play!"
So, as you see, I always sing.
I have to sing, and I must now
take wing.
Peach longs for you, as you can
see.
Forget Mario, a hero is thee!
Luigi: Alright, the rhyming is REALLY annoying!
Twink: (singing) Sorry, good sir.
It's the author's fault.
He made me so annoying,
(not singing) Er, what rhymes
with fault?
Luigi: Beats me.
Twink: Oh, I've got it! Ahem...
(singing) He made me so annoying,
I should be named Walt!
Luigi: Walt?
Twink: Give me a break here, it's my first day on the job.
Luigi: So I need to beat my brother, and go rescue the princess?
Twink: (singing) Precisely correct,
make haste you must!
To beat your brother,
and leave him in the dust!
Luigi: Then I'm off!
He runs out the door.
Twink: (singing) Ok, so you're gone,
And relieved of the pain.
So now I stop rhyming,
And return to Peach again!
Twink notices the chocolate chip cookies Luigi baked.
Twink: But first, snack time!
Twink eats the cookies, then returns to Peach's Castle.
And so, Mario and his companions set out for Toad Town from the Koopa Bros. Fortress. They're singing to the tune of "We're Off to See the Wizard".
Goombario: OH, we're OFF to see the Ruins!
Mario: Those wonderful Ruins of Dry!
Bombette: Because because because because BECAUUUUUUUUUUUSE!
All: Because to save a Spirit we must try!
Suddenly, a yellow blur runs past.
Jr. Troopa: IEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
He ends up crashing into a group of trash cans.
Jr. Troopa: @#$@%*&@#$%&!@#!
He turns around and runs back to the group.
Jr. Troopa: What is your #@$^ problem!?! Why the @#$$ did you $#@# skip my first two @#$% scenes?!
Everyone Else: O.O'
Mario: Wher'd you learn to swear like that? Luigi?
Jr. Troopa: Shut the @#$@ up! I'm going to @#$% teach you the @#$% meaning of $%@# pain!
Mario picks him up and throws him in the river. They turn and walk away.
Jr. Troopa: Come @#$% back, you @#$! !@#$ Come back!!!
The river carries him over a waterfall. He crashes into the sharp rocks at the bottom.
Jr. Troopa: #@$&!
He gets sucked down a sewer pipe.
Bombette: Okay, so THAT was weird.
When they return to Toad Town, there's a large group of Koopas in the town square. None of them have shells. One of them sees Mario.
Kooper: IT'S HIM! THE PLUMBER WHO LET THE FUZZIES DESTROY THE VILLAGE!
Koover: And left us NAKED!
Kooper: GET HIM!
Koopa Koot: Say, sonneys, why don't we just forget it and try to get along?
All the Koopas gang-beat Koopa Koot. Kooper looks around.
Kooper: Wher'd they go?
In the Toad Town Tunnels...
Mario: They'll never find us here!
Goombario: UG! I just stepped in something brown and slimey! This isn't in the script!
Bombette: SHUT UP ABOUT THE STUPID SCRIPT!
She blows Goombario up.
Goombario: Neither is that.
Kooper: They're in the tunnels!
Mario: RUN!
They run aimlessly around the tunnels, persued by the Koopa Village residents. They eventually find themselves in a dead end.
Kooper: We've got 'em now!
Jr. Troopa: IEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Water gushes from a conviently located pipe, launching Jr. Troopa into the group of Koopas, knocking them all down. Mario and co. make a mad dash to the exit. They run all the way to the train station.
Mario: Excuse me, but how much do tickets cost?
Random Toad: 500 coins each.
Mario: @#$%!
He walks away.
Goombario: Great, now what?
A short while later...
Bombette: Scooch over!
Goombario: I can't, stupid!
They're in Mario's shirt pocket.
Mario: One, please.
Random Toad: Am I hearing voices?
He looks at Mario's pocket.
Mario: Uh, no. It's just a television.
Random Toad: Uh, okay.
He hands Mario a ticket. Mario boards the train and sets out for Mount Rugged.
Apple Kid: Will our group be able to save the next Star Spirit? Will I remember the next Star Spirit's name in time for the next chapter? Will I ever stop doing these annoying ending questions? Will Bill Gates learn to share? Will gas prices go down eventually? Will-
A random audience member throws a shoe at Apple Kid.
Apple Kid: Uh, right. See you next Chapter!