Apple Kid: We last left Mario on his way to Mount Rugged. In order to save money on tickets, Goombario and Bombette have hidden in Mario's shirt pocket. Oh, they also have a group of angry Koopas out to get them.
Conductor: So, what ya needs to get 'ter Mt. Rugged fer?
Mario: Oh, just saving the world.
Bombette: I SAID SCOOT OVER!
Bombette explodes, blowing up Mario's pocket, Goombario, and Mario.
Conductor: AH! Stowaways! I got's yer now!
Mario throws the Conductor over the front of the train. He lands on the tracks.
Conductor: Oh, great.
He is run over by the train. They arrive at Mt. Rugged, only to be stopped by an invisible wall.
Mario: What now?
Apple Kid: I'm going to advertise! Ahem: EAT AT JOES!
Mario: That's nice. Can we get on with our story?
Apple Kid: Uh, sure. Go ahead.
They run forward, and find Parakarry.
Parakarry: Oh, hi guys! I'm Parakarry, an extremely pathetic mailman who lost all the mail on the planet!
Mario slays Parakarry.
Goombario: YOU IDIOT! WE CAN'T GET THROUGH MT. RUGGED WITHOUT HIM!
Mario: Try me.
They get all the way to the big jump near the end. Mario tries to jump the gap 57 times, but never makes it.
Goombario: So what are you going to do now, smart-guy?
Mario grabs Bombette, jumps on Goombario's head, then bounces over the gap with Bombette.
Goombario: BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?!
Bombette: Go soak your head.
Mario: I'm sure you'll figure something out.
They walk away from the screaming Goombario.
Goombario: YOU CAN'T DO THIS! I'M A STAR! A STAR, I TELL YOU! JUST WAIT UNTIL I CALL MY AGENT! I'LL SUE YOUR $*#@! I'LL REPORT YOU TO THE AUTHOR! I'LL, I'LL-
An audience member throws an old shoe at Goombario, knocking him unconscious.
A buzzard lands in Mario and Bombette's path.
Buzzar: Who're you? Are you this Mario guy on the wanted poster?
Mario: Uh, no.
Buzzar: Than who are you?
Mario: Uh, I'm, uh, Bombette!
Buzzar: Oh, okay. And who's the pink thing?
Bombette: And I'm, er... Kirby!
Kirby runs up behind them.
Kirby: I RESENT THAT! I'M KIRBY, NOT YOU, YOU STUPID EXPLOSIVE!
Bombette: SHUT UP!
She blows Kirby to smithereens.
Buzzar: LIARS! YOU'RE MARIO, AND I'M GONNA KICK YOUR-
Mario: Wait, before you try to kill us, I have to know. Are you a male, or a female?
Buzzar: I'm a GUY, you insolent clod!
Bombette: Than why does that nest have eggs in it?
Buzzar: Uh, well, I uh... huh. Maybe I AM a girl! That would explain why everyone in Boy's P.E. looked at me funny...
She flies away, pondering. Mario and Bombette run to Dry Dry Outpost, only to find-
Mario: !@#$! How'd you get here?!
Goombario: I told the author, and he simply warped me here ahead of time. We need to find Moustafa and get the Pulse Stone from him now.
They run through the town, but are stopped by Shiek, the odd green mouse.
Shiek: If you are the nicest of nice nice guys, which I hope you're a nice, nicer, nicester guy, and because nice nice guys give nice mice like Shiek an untold amount of nice items, you'll give this super nice mousie lots of nicer nice nice stuff that's nice!
Mario clobbers Shiek with his hammer and makes his way to Moustafa's place.
Bombette: Where's Moustafa?
Shiek's crumpled body crawls into the room.
Shiek: I'm Moustafa, you pathetic lot!
Mario: Uh, sorry?
Moustafa: You're not a very nice guy. Since you aren't the nicest of nice nice guys, you don't get my extra nice Pulse Stone.
Goombario: But that's not in the script! You HAVE to give us the Pulse Stone!
Bombette: If we do something nice for you, will you give us the Pulse Stone?
Moustafa: Like what?
Mario: How about if we shut Goombario up?
Moustafa: That would make you the nicest of the nicest nice guys! Sure!
After a period of violence not suitable to be written down, Goombario is in a mangled heep.
Moustafa: Very nice! Here's the Pulse Stone!
Our trio sets out for the ruins. Upon arival, they insert the Pulse Stone in the slot. A bunch of special effects occur, and the ruins rise from the sands.
Tutankoopa: DOOM, DOOM, DOOM! LEAVE THIS PLACE, OR, UH, BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN!
He dashes out of the Ruins.
Goombario: But you need to go in, run around all week, then beat Tutankoopa!
Mario: A WEEK?! We haven't got a week!
Bombette: I've got it!
A short while later, Dry Dry Ruins is surrounded by crates of dynamite.
Mario: Good thing we stopped at Rowf's back in the Prologue!
Bombette: Now I'll go set it off!
Bombette runs forward.
Goombario: This isn't in the script! I'll tell the author on y-
Mario throws Goombario into a crate of dynamite just as Bombette detonates them. Goombario is launched into the air.
All that's left of the Ruins is a pile of rubble. Goombario lands.
Goombario: *gasp, pant* I'm not hurt! YES!
The Super Hammer lands on his head.
Goombario: Or not.
Goombario falls to the ground, knocked out.
Mamar: Thank you for rescuing me, and especially for blowing up that annoying twit.
She gives Mario her Star Spirit power.
Mamar: Now go to Boo's Mansion. The next Star Spirit is there.
She flies away. Mario runs forward and grabs the Super Hammer. They then head for Forever Forest.
Apple Kid: That shoe in the last chapter hurt, so I'm only asking one question this time.
The audience sighs with relief.
Apple Kid: Your question is: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?