Cardboard Mario

By Apple Kid

Chapter 3

Apple Kid: We last left Mario and Co. on their way to Forever Forest. Yay for them. But, someone else got there first...

Bootler: Are you Mario, by any chance?

Luigi: ACK! GHOST!

He pulls out the Poltergeist 1000 and sucks Bootler up.

Luigi: Whew, that was easy.

Luigi then sets off to Boo's Mansion, but gets lost in Forever Forest.

Luigi: I wish I knew where I was going...

Suddenly, a familiar figure zooms down into the forest.

Twink: (singing) 'Tis I again!
 With a message from Peach!
 "Save me quickly,
 Then take me to the beech!"

Luigi: This gets worse and worse.

Twink: (singing) Tell me about it.
 It is quite true.
 To get through this forest,
 I guess I'll help you!

Luigi: I'd rather be lost...

Luigi and Twink set off for Boo's Mansion.

Apple Kid: A short while later, Mario's little group shows up. And they made the fatal error of allowing Goombario to lead them through the forest...

Mario: You're SURE you know where you're going?

Goombario: Positive.

Bombette: We should ask for directions...

They then come across Oaklie.

Oaklie: None shall pass.

Mario: Excuse me?

Oaklie: None shall pass.

Mario has a sudden flashback of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Mario: I have no quarrel with you, good sir knight, but I must cross this bridge!

Oaklie: Then you shall die.

Mario: I command you, as King of the Brittans, to stand aside!

Oaklie: I move, for no man.

Mario: SO BE IT!

Mario pulls a sword out of nowhere and chops poor Oaklie's arm off.

Oaklie: HEY! You didn't have to go that far! It's only a movie!

Mario: Sorry. Got carried away. Well, could you show us the way, by any chance?

Oaklie: Yeah, yeah.

Goombario: NO! I GET TO LEAD!

Bombette: Shut up, shroomy boy.

Goombario: I'M NOT A MUSHROOM!

Bombette: Whatever you need to tell yourself.

With Oaklie as their guide, they finally see Boo's Mansion in the distance.

Oaklie: 'Kay, gotta go!

Oaklie dashes back into the forest.

Goombario: What's with him?

They go into the mansion, and find it entirely empty.


He dives from the chandelier at Mario, who hits him aside with his hammer.

Twink: (singing) Pray, good sir,
 refrain from that,
 For I'm not a squirl,
 nor a bat.

Goombario: You spelt that wrong.

Twink: Huh?

Goombario: You spelt "squirl" wrong. It's spelt "squirrel".

Twink: No wonder nobody likes you!

Mario: OoO;

Bombette: Huh?

Twink: (singing) Yes, all the stars,
 they hear his wishes,
 But they ignore them,
 just like the fishes.

Mario: Is that the best rhyme you can come up with?

Twink: (singing) 'Tis, so, 'tis so.
 Rhymes I have none,
 So go to the third floor,
 and I'll finish this pun.

With that, Twink flies through a door on the third floor.

Mario: How am I supposed to get up there?

Goombario pulls out the script.

Goombario: Well, first you-

Mario throws him out a window. He then jumps onto the chandelier and climbs up to the third floor.

Luigi: MARIO!

Mario: LUIGI!

Bombette: STAR SPIRIT!

Skolar: HEROES!

Meanwhile outside, Goombario lands in a pile of garbage.

Goombario: I'm fine. I'm okay.

Goombario then gets struck by lightning. But, back to the important stuff inside.

Luigi: Mario, I'm taking over this story. Go home.

Mario: But you're the housesitter!

Luigi: NO! I'm tired of playing second fiddle. I want to do this!

Bombette: Excuse my interrupting, but who's watching the house right now?

Mario and Luigi look at each other. Meanwhile, at Mario and Luigi's house...




Shy Guys: YAY!

But, back to Boo's Mansion.

Mario: I'm sure everything's fine.

Just then, Lady Bow flies through a wall.

Bow: BOO!

Luigi: ACK!

Luigi whips out the Poltergeist 1000 and sucks Bow up.


Luigi: Why not?

A section of roof caves in, and Luigi finds himself crushed under a fat man in a red suit.

Santa: I've got to work on my aim.

Mario: SANTA!

Santa: Er, what's my line?

Goombario runs into the room.

Goombario: I believe your line is, "HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

Santa: Oh. Anyway, I've got presants!

He hands Mario, Luigi, and Bombette a present each.

Goombario: WHAT ABOUT ME?!

Santa: I hate you.

Santa walks out the door.

Mario: I got a watch!

Bombette: I got a hair bow!

Luigi: I got my very own MANSION!

He runs out the door giggling.

Twink: (singing) Alas, alak. Luigi's gone.
 It apears my work is done.
 I shall go now, fare thee well.
 Oh, and Goombario, go to-

Goombario: Pittsburg?

Twink: Whatever.

Twink flies out the window. Mario jumps up and gets the Star Spirit out of the cage.

Skolar: Thanks, bud. Here's a power. Toad Town's in trouble right now. You should get going.

And so, Mario and Co. are about to head back to toad town, when a familiar figure runs up.

Jr. Troopa: DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Now you'll get a beating!

He wastes a bunch of special effects and sprouts wings and starts flying.

Jr. Troopa: Hehehe! Bet you've never seen this move before!

Mario: Stupid.

He throws his hammer at Jr. Troopa, who gracefully dodges.

Jr. Troopa: YES! I'm invincible!

The hammer hits a tree, and a large spiked nut falls from the tree and knocks Jr. Troopa out.

Goombario: That was easy.

Bombette: TO TOAD TOWN!

They head off. Meanwhile, at Gusty Gulch...

Tubba Blubba: YUMMY!

Boo: HELP!

Tubba Blubba eats him, then eats another, and another, and another, and another...

Tubba Blubba: OH NO! What have I done?! I've eaten all the food!

He wastes away, shrivles up, and dies.

Apple Kid: What has happened at Toad Town? Why is Tubba Blubba so dumb? Did anyone figure out how much wood woodchucks chuck?

Audience Member: Acutally, a woodchuck, if given the opportunity and ability to chuck wood, could chuck aproximately 45 pieces of wood per hour.

Apple Kid: ... Right. Well, tune in later for more of Cardboard Mario!

Read on!

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