Chapter 3
Apple Kid: We last left Mario and Co. on their way to Forever Forest. Yay for them. But, someone else got there first...
Bootler: Are you Mario, by any chance?
Luigi: ACK! GHOST!
He pulls out the Poltergeist 1000 and sucks Bootler up.
Luigi: Whew, that was easy.
Luigi then sets off to Boo's Mansion, but gets lost in Forever Forest.
Luigi: I wish I knew where I was going...
Suddenly, a familiar figure zooms down into the forest.
Twink: (singing) 'Tis I again!
With a message from Peach!
"Save me quickly,
Then take me to the beech!"
Luigi: This gets worse and worse.
Twink: (singing) Tell me about it.
It is quite true.
To get through this forest,
I guess I'll help you!
Luigi: I'd rather be lost...
Luigi and Twink set off for Boo's Mansion.
Apple Kid: A short while later, Mario's little group shows up. And they made the fatal error of allowing Goombario to lead them through the forest...
Mario: You're SURE you know where you're going?
Goombario: Positive.
Bombette: We should ask for directions...
They then come across Oaklie.
Oaklie: None shall pass.
Mario: Excuse me?
Oaklie: None shall pass.
Mario has a sudden flashback of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Mario: I have no quarrel with you, good sir knight, but I must cross this bridge!
Oaklie: Then you shall die.
Mario: I command you, as King of the Brittans, to stand aside!
Oaklie: I move, for no man.
Mario: SO BE IT!
Mario pulls a sword out of nowhere and chops poor Oaklie's arm off.
Oaklie: HEY! You didn't have to go that far! It's only a movie!
Mario: Sorry. Got carried away. Well, could you show us the way, by any chance?
Oaklie: Yeah, yeah.
Goombario: NO! I GET TO LEAD!
Bombette: Shut up, shroomy boy.
Goombario: I'M NOT A MUSHROOM!
Bombette: Whatever you need to tell yourself.
With Oaklie as their guide, they finally see Boo's Mansion in the distance.
Oaklie: 'Kay, gotta go!
Oaklie dashes back into the forest.
Goombario: What's with him?
They go into the mansion, and find it entirely empty.
Twink: IEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
He dives from the chandelier at Mario, who hits him aside with his hammer.
Twink: (singing) Pray, good sir,
refrain from that,
For I'm not a squirl,
nor a bat.
Goombario: You spelt that wrong.
Twink: Huh?
Goombario: You spelt "squirl" wrong. It's spelt "squirrel".
Twink: No wonder nobody likes you!
Mario: OoO;
Bombette: Huh?
Twink: (singing) Yes, all the stars,
they hear his wishes,
But they ignore them,
just like the fishes.
Mario: Is that the best rhyme you can come up with?
Twink: (singing) 'Tis, so, 'tis so.
Rhymes I have none,
So go to the third floor,
and I'll finish this pun.
With that, Twink flies through a door on the third floor.
Mario: How am I supposed to get up there?
Goombario pulls out the script.
Goombario: Well, first you-
Mario throws him out a window. He then jumps onto the chandelier and climbs up to the third floor.
Luigi: MARIO!
Mario: LUIGI!
Bombette: STAR SPIRIT!
Skolar: HEROES!
Meanwhile outside, Goombario lands in a pile of garbage.
Goombario: I'm fine. I'm okay.
Goombario then gets struck by lightning. But, back to the important stuff inside.
Luigi: Mario, I'm taking over this story. Go home.
Mario: But you're the housesitter!
Luigi: NO! I'm tired of playing second fiddle. I want to do this!
Bombette: Excuse my interrupting, but who's watching the house right now?
Mario and Luigi look at each other. Meanwhile, at Mario and Luigi's house...
Shy Guy 1: LOOK AT THIS GREAT SOFA!
Shy Guy 2: I WANT THE BUNK BEDS!
Shy Guy 3: LET'S TAKE IT ALL BACK TO THE TOY BOX!
Shy Guys: YAY!
But, back to Boo's Mansion.
Mario: I'm sure everything's fine.
Just then, Lady Bow flies through a wall.
Bow: BOO!
Luigi: ACK!
Luigi whips out the Poltergeist 1000 and sucks Bow up.
Mario: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
Luigi: Why not?
A section of roof caves in, and Luigi finds himself crushed under a fat man in a red suit.
Santa: I've got to work on my aim.
Mario: SANTA!
Santa: Er, what's my line?
Goombario runs into the room.
Goombario: I believe your line is, "HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!"
Santa: Oh. Anyway, I've got presants!
He hands Mario, Luigi, and Bombette a present each.
Goombario: WHAT ABOUT ME?!
Santa: I hate you.
Santa walks out the door.
Mario: I got a watch!
Bombette: I got a hair bow!
Luigi: I got my very own MANSION!
He runs out the door giggling.
Twink: (singing) Alas, alak. Luigi's
gone.
It apears my work is done.
I shall go now, fare thee well.
Oh, and Goombario, go to-
Goombario: Pittsburg?
Twink: Whatever.
Twink flies out the window. Mario jumps up and gets the Star Spirit out of the cage.
Skolar: Thanks, bud. Here's a power. Toad Town's in trouble right now. You should get going.
And so, Mario and Co. are about to head back to toad town, when a familiar figure runs up.
Jr. Troopa: DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Now you'll get a beating!
He wastes a bunch of special effects and sprouts wings and starts flying.
Jr. Troopa: Hehehe! Bet you've never seen this move before!
Mario: Stupid.
He throws his hammer at Jr. Troopa, who gracefully dodges.
Jr. Troopa: YES! I'm invincible!
The hammer hits a tree, and a large spiked nut falls from the tree and knocks Jr. Troopa out.
Goombario: That was easy.
Bombette: TO TOAD TOWN!
They head off. Meanwhile, at Gusty Gulch...
Tubba Blubba: YUMMY!
Boo: HELP!
Tubba Blubba eats him, then eats another, and another, and another, and another...
Tubba Blubba: OH NO! What have I done?! I've eaten all the food!
He wastes away, shrivles up, and dies.
Apple Kid: What has happened at Toad Town? Why is Tubba Blubba so dumb? Did anyone figure out how much wood woodchucks chuck?
Audience Member: Acutally, a woodchuck, if given the opportunity and ability to chuck wood, could chuck aproximately 45 pieces of wood per hour.
Apple Kid: ... Right. Well, tune in later for more of Cardboard Mario!
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