Chapter 4
Apple Kid: And so, our brave warriors and Goombario set out for Toad Town, not knowing what new evil waited for them...
Mario returns to Toad Town, only to find that Shy Guys are running around everywhere.
Mario: Well, I never saw this coming.
Tayce T. comes running out of her house.
Tayce: Some Shy Guy stole my frying pan! I can't cook without it, even though I have 50 identical frying pans in a cupboard!
Goombario: Just use one of the other frying pans.
Tayce: Shut up, or I'll make you into a Goomba flambe!
And so, our heroes wander around town to see what other mischief the Shy-Guys are stirring up, when a Shy Guy runs out of Rowf's place.
Rowf: Come back, you yellow @#$#!
Bombette: What'd you lose?
Rowf: Calculator. I flunked math when I wuz a kid.
Goombario: And apparently spelling, too.
Rowf: ROWF JR.!
Goombario: YIPE!
Then, at the post office...
Postmaster: Mail's stolen. Parakarry's dead. I guess I get the day off.
And at Russ T.'s house...
Russ: Thank you for coming, Mr. Shy Guy. I needed a subject for my latest experiment.
He straps a stick of dynamite to the Shy Guy, then lights the fuse.
Russ: In this experiment, I find out how far dynamite can launch various body parts!
Shy Guy: OoO;
Mario: Oookaaay. Moving on...
The shop...
Shopkeeper: I'm going to go out of business! A Shy Guy stole the key to the store room!
Mario: No problem.
He knocks the door to the store room down with his hammer.
Shopkeeper: HEY! YOU'D BETTER PAY TO FIX THAT DOOR!!!
Bombette: Why should he?
Shopkeeper: Because, because, because... huh. Why should he?
Mario steals everything from the store room, then runs to the abandoned building.
Goombario: Why are we here?
Mario: Because.
A pink Shy Guy walks through the door.
Shy Guy: Oh, hi, Mario.
Mario: Hi.
Goombario: This isn't right...
Bombette: Shut up, shorty.
The Shy Guy walks through a hidden door, and Mario quickly follows. Then they find a large toy box. Mario lifts the lid up and looks in.
Mario: Cool! Tiny Shy Guys!
Bombette: And tiny Toads!
Goombario: The script says we need to throw a toy train in.
Mario grabs Goombario and throws him in the toy box.
Bombette: Now what?
Mario: Let's throw the toy train in.
Bombette: Sure.
Now, inside the toy box...
Train Conductor: *sigh* Where's the stupid train?
He looks up.
Train Conductor: HOLY MOTHER THERESA AND THE KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND-
He's crushed by the falling train. Mario and Bombette jump in. They start through the toy box.
Anti Guy: You lookin' at me, punk?
Mario: Uh, no.
Anti Guy: I think you wus lookin' at me!
Mario: No, I wasn't.
Anti Guy: YOU WERE LOOKING AT ME!!!
Mario: NO I WASN'T!
Anti Guy: Oh, okay. You can go.
Mario then heads to the Shy Guy playground and finds Goombario surrounded by attacking Shy Guys.
Goombario: HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLP! OUCH!
Bombette: Ooh, that has to hurt.
Mario: Wish we could help.
They grab the Calculator and leave Goombario. They return the Calculator to Rowf.
Rowf: Thanks, bud! Help yourself to whatever you want!
Mario: I think I'll take that bottle of nitroglycerine.
Rowf: Help yourself.
Mario heads back to the toy box.
Gourmet Guy: I LOVE FOOD! FEED ME!
Mario: Here, want some nitr- er... water?
Gourmet Guy: Sure, why not?
He grabs the bottle Mario offered and drinks the entire thing.
Gourmet Guy: Huh, odd. It has a bit of a kick to it...
Just then, he realizes that Mario and Bombette are crouching behind a block.
Gourmet Guy: Well, this is awkward...
He explodes.
Bombette: Wow, what a bang!
BumBumChing!
Mario rolls his eyes and they continue to explore. But meanwhile, back at the playground, Goombario is still getting beat up.
Goombario: AUGH!
He runs from the room, bruised and beaten.
Goombario: *pant pant* Safe... *pant*
Anti Guy: You lookin' at me?
Goombario: Uh-
Anti Guy: YOU LOOKIN' AT ME?
Goombario: Well-
Anti Guy: I THINK YOU WERE LOOKING AT ME!!!
Anti Guy starts beating Goombario savagely.
Goombario: I hate my life.
But, Mario and Bombette have reached the Lantern Ghost's room.
Lantern Ghost: Hehehe! Darkness is good!
Mario: Then why do you have a lantern?
Lantern Ghost: Uh, good point.
He tosses the lantern over his shoulder. It shatters and releases Watt.
Watt: YAY! The mustache guy saved me! I'll kill the fat ghost!
Watt electrifies Lantern Ghost, who disintegrates.
Watt: Look at the funny brown mushroom!
Goombario staggers into the room.
Goombario: Check please.
He passes out. Mario, Watt, and Bombette run to General Guy's room.
Mario: Hey, that's my sofa!
General-Guy: 'Ten hut! You, sir, are trespassing, sir! You, sir, shall die!
Mario: I want my sofa back!
General-Guy: Then, sir, you get the sofa back, sir, if you defeat my army, sir!
General Guy's army pops out of nowhere.
Army: Yes, sir!
They charge at Mario, who steps to the side as they run harmlessly past.
General Guy: Well, sir, you have cleverly avoided my army, sir! Now, sir, face my special forces, sir!
The Stack Guys walk up.
Top: Steady there, Carl.
Carl: I'm trying, I'm trying!
Middle Guys: QUIT WOBBLING, CARL! WE'RE GONNA FALL!
Carl: STOP YELLING AT ME!!!
They fall over, knocking themselves out.
General Guy: Troops, you all stink! Mario, sir, meet my Stilt Guys, sir!
Bombette: STOP SAYING SIR!
General Guy: I, sir, cannot stop saying sir, sir!
Bombette: I'M NOT A GUY!
She runs forward and blows General Guy up.
Stilt Guy 1: Uh, so now what?
Stilt Guy 2: Beats me.
Goombario staggers in again.
Goombario: I'm alive!
Stilt Guy 1: Let's beat him up!
Stilt Guy 2: YEAH!
Goombario: *wimper*
Mario frees Muscular the Star Spirit.
Muscular: Yo, wassup?
Mario: Eh?
Muscular: Homey G, I said wassup?
Mario: Eh?
Muscular: TALK, YOU IDIOT!
He then beats Goombario up alongside the Stilt Guys.
Watt: Why'd you beat him up?
Muscular: Looked like fun. Anyway, here's my power, go to Lavalava Island. The next Star Spirit's in the volcano.
Mario: Before you go, could you bring my sofa home?
Muscular: Whatever dude.
He grabs the sofa, and flies away.
Bombette: Okay, I guess we're off to the dock!
They head to the Toad Town dock.
Apple Kid: What will happen next? Will Mario successfully travel to Lavalava Island? Why am I asking you? Find out what happens next by reading the next Chapter of Cardboard Mario!