Chapter 3: Bowser, King of the Stoopa
Peach screamed in terror as she was lifted high into the Torte Copter. Mario and Luigi below tried to save her, but it was useless. The Torte Copter was too high. The foreign fiend stuck his head out the window and laughed, wielding his mighty PAN OF PAIN. The crazy cook blasted a devastating laser at the brothers. They each flew back in the heat of the battle. Luigi stood up and looked down at Mario, burnt to a crisp. To the side of the fight, the Koopalings, Larry, Morton, Wendy, Iggy, Roy, and Bowser Junior sat around playing cards while the mighty villain escaped with the fair maiden. Meanwhile, Kamek and Kammy held each other in a long lustful kiss. General Jagger strived to stand up straight, a mug of brown poison in his flailing claw. He slurped up some more and let out a long beer belch. Chef Torte poked his head out of the Torte Copter again. “Mwah ha ha! Moi iz bezt villin in all zee vald!!!!” he shouted.
Then, Yoshi ran in and jumped up at the helicopter, but was counterstriked by Soshi. Soshi tackled his green rival to the ground, and sliced him up a bit. Mario barely managed to get up, Luigi and him banished the dragon to the skies, where he flew up near the chopper.
“I’ll help guys!!!” Mallow said, waddling in.
“No mattair how many veople you vaf, voi vill valvayz vin vou voolz!” Chef Torte laughed. Chef Torte rose his mighty frying pan into the air and beamed down millions of bolts at the four fighters, killing them all. “Vund vow vy vrincezz, ve vill vet varried vund vive vappily veveir vafteir!” he said, kissing Peach.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Bowser screamed, jumping from his bed.
The king had been having horrible nightmares since a week after his last defeat with the mechanical monsters. But this one by far was the worst. Since the last adventure’s failure, Bowser began seeing himself drift more and more to the background, becoming a useless character who’d had his time in the sun. When he asked Kamek about it, Kamek said he merely needed a better plan. Bowser didn’t have any ideas for a plan, and knew his next one had better be good to make him go up again. Though Bowser didn’t know it, he had been surpassed by E-PEANUT, some intergalactic group of villains, on Plit’s list of most wanted criminals. Bowser was third, followed by King K. Rool. Chef Torte was second to last on the list of villains, having recently grown more evil then the nation of Canada. Of course number one on the list was the new AOL for Broadband.
“I gotta stop eating those spicy foods before I go to bed,” Bowser mumbled to himself.
The Koopa King lay back down on the motel mattress. Bowser, Kamek, Kammy, Jagger, and the Koopalings had been living in the Monty Mole Motel since they’d ran off from the spooky mansion they’d “won” in the last story. It was not the worst of motels, but there was this odd noise at night. It was a rhythmic pounding. The noise sounded again, and Bowser couldn’t stand it any longer, he HAD to find the source of the noise to fall back asleep. He charged down the hallway and went to the nearest room to the currently vacant front desk. He burst through the door and saw a Goomba jumping up and down on a trampoline, hitting the ceiling with his head.
“STOP AT ONCE!!!” Bowser roared.
“Bowser, you’re tired and angry, go back to sleep,” Kammy yawned, walking down to find the source of the yelling.
“NO WAY!!!” Bowser shouted.
“Okay… okay, what seems to be the problem here?” a Bandit wearing a button saying “Manager” on it said.
“Yes, manager, this creep was... wait. YOU’RE THE MANAGER?!” Bowser asked.
“Yes,” the Bandit replied.
“Oh my word!!! YOU’RE NOT MONTY MOLE!!! THIS WHOLE PLACE IS TRYING TO GET ME!!! AHH!!!” Bowser screamed, rushing out the door and out into the night.
“What’s all the ruckus?” Kamek said, walking down in his footie pajamas.
“Bowser’s finally lost it,” Kammy said, smiling.
“Drat,” Kamek said, handing her a bag full of coins. “I was hoping until the third book....”
“Book?” Kammy asked.
“Um... never mind,” Kamek responded.
Bowser continued running and screaming until finally slamming himself into a stone wall. Kammy and Kamek hurried to catch up to the unconscious turtle.
“Hey Bowser! Are you alright?!” Kamek said, pounding the fallen numbskull on his head.
“YES IDIOT!!! And during my short concussion, I thought up the best evil plan ever!!! We will summon the four bringers of fire!!!” Bowser said.
“Oooh, sounds cool!” Kammy said.
“Kammy, he’s talking about those idiot dinosaurs, the Reznor,” Kamek said.
“No Kamek, I mean the original Reznors, the bringers of the fire age, and ridders of the ice age! Then they were sealed away during the second ice age... which means they still must be frozen somewhere! We gotta go where it’s icy!!!” Bowser said.
“The originals? Were they any better?” Kamek asked.
“Oh yes. They were nearly double, no triple, maybe even quadruple in size and strength. Their firepower was also much more well... powerful. Could melt anything!” Bowser said.
“Then… why were they frozen during the second ice age?” Kammy asked.
“There’s no time for questions! Let’s go! Kamek, Kammy! To the Batmobile!!!” Bowser ordered.
“Um... Bowser, we sold the Batmobile on E-bay to rent a room at the motel,” Kamek said.
“Aah yes. I forgot,” Bowser replied.
“And we’d probably want to wait until at least tomorrow so everyone can be ready.”
“Right, right.”
“And besides, the Batmobile’s not going to get us to Proarctica at the top of Plit!”
“What did you say?” Bowser growled.
“I said, the Batmobile’s-“
“NEVER INSULT MY BATMOBILE!!!” Bowser roared, jumping at Kamek.
“HOLY PAIN TO ME BATMAN!!!”
Chapter 4: Set Sail for Treasure!
Yoshi yawned as he struggled to get out of his warm, comfy bed. The pit of his stomach had given its routine roar, and Yoshi went out of his hut at Yo’ster Island to find some food. He walked over to the nearest pile of fresh fruit. Of course on the lands owned by Yoshis, things went a little differently. Most of the goods and such were for free. Few Yoshis really cared about money, especially since their main needs were more than plentiful on each of their islands. The only things Yoshis troubled money over were imports and other items out of the area. Also very rare and special items weren’t free, but usually there weren’t any items that were very special except on Lavalava Island, which seemed to be the most known Yoshi controlled Island for selling stuff.
Mallow waddled over to the gorging green gobbler. “Hey Yoshi! So, what do you want to do today?” Mallow asked.
Yoshi lifted his head from the massive feedback and managed out a brief, “Yoshi not know.”
Mallow had taken a vacation from being prince at Nimbus Land since the end of the last big adventure. He stayed at Yo’ster Island mainly because he was a little intimidated by the new Mario. Or Stario, as his true title is. Ever since Stario appeared, everyone felt greatly out of league and nervous near the mighty Mario makeover. Though they still knew Mario was somewhere inside his new form, it wasn’t as visible as they’d all wished. Luigi had the most difficult time adapting, as everyone had felt. That was before Yoshi and Mallow went to Yo’ster Island.
Suddenly, a light blue Yoshi wearing a yellow cap and large boots ran up to Yoshi, giddy as a schoolboy on Friday. “Yoshi! Guess what me got!!!” the excited Yoshi asked.
“What, Splooshi?” Yoshi asked.
Splooshi was far different from the Yoshis native to Isle Delfino. He loved the water and couldn’t get enough of it. “I gots a TREASURE MAP!” Splooshi whispered, opening up an old tattered piece of parchment.
Yoshi snatched the map out of Splooshi’s hands and peered at it. It seemed authentic. “Where’d you get this?” Yoshi asked.
“My good buddy Norpshi sent it to me. He travels a lot, so I’m not sure where he found it exactly. He said he found it in some temple,” Splooshi answered.
The map was written in an ancient text unknown to the Yoshis. “You guys, I know where we can get this translated!” Mallow said.
“Where?” they both asked.
“There’s an old Nimbian who specializes in ancient cultures that lives not too far south from here. He visited Nimbus Land once to translate an ancient tablet found in the basement of the castle. Turns out all it said was to buy the new AOL for Broadband,” Mallow said. “But he lives on his own private islet down in the Blooper Bay!”
“Sounds cool! THIS could actually be real treasure!” Yoshi said.
“WOW! Is this real? Am I going on an adventure with Yoshi?” Splooshi asked.
“Yeah sure! Yoshi like adventuring. It’ll be a LOT toned down from last one! And who knows what treasure could be!” Yoshi said.
Yes I mentioned Yoshis don’t really care for money, but this was treasure, valuables, AND an adventure! What could be better? Well, if their adventure didn’t have rough seas ahead, I’m sure that’d be better. Hope they realize what they could be getting themselves into...
Chapter 5: Anchors Aweigh!
The sun filled the pre-noon sky. The smell of the ocean whirred through every nook and cranny. The sea waves brushed up against the shore. Chef Torte sniffed the magnificent day. Mini-Moi, his new right hand Koop, stood next to him. The two of them stood out on the terrace high up on the volcano base, near the edge of the island. They turned and entered the main chamber again. Genius Guy, Changling, Whomp, and Embert had all fallen asleep at the table, having stayed up too late playing Dungeons and Dragons no doubt. Whomp wore his viking Dungeon Master helmet. Empty pop cans and a whole lotta cheese poofs were scattered about the room. The Apprentice and the Grand Glum Reaper emerged from their rooms, the Apprentice being very wary not to upset the Star Wars fanatic. Then Soshi limped out of his room, headed straight for the continental breakfast, grabbed a bag of Froot Loops, and chomped them down. The Apprentice fried up some pancakes and the Reaper had a steaming cup of java.
“So Master Torte, how will we get to the northern icecaps of Proarctica?” the Apprentice asked.
“Vell, I’ll announce it ven eveiryone ist up. Und since ve’re already an hour late, I zink it’s time for a little vake up call!” Chef Torte said, pulling the switch for the chairs surrounding the table to open and his four sleepy henchmen to plummet into Mount Soshima.
After some more waking up procedures, everyone gathered outside the base, near a large bay cutting into the island. The water was far down below from where they stood, and it could be dangerous if they fell into the crevice.
“Well Chef? How are we going to get to Proarctica? The Torte Copter was ruined thanks to your Apprentice, and the Mecha Yoshi is... last story’s big thing. You honestly didn’t bring that heap of junk back, did you?” Changling asked.
“NO! Of course not! I am more cleveir zan zat!” Chef Torte snapped.
“Well, what is it?!” Genius Guy asked.
“Um... I’m pretty sure I had you build it, Genius Guy...” Chef Torte stammered.
“But you said you weren’t going to use the Mecha Yoshi...” Genius Guy said.
“I’M NOT YOU FOOL! Zat vas destroyed! Mini Moi, if you vill,” Chef Torte said.
Mini Moi pushed a button on the remote control he grasped in his tiny, gloved claws. The stone wall at the end of the bay split apart, revealing itself to be a mechanized gateway.
“When did we get that?” Changling asked.
“Quiet! You’re ruining ze moment!” Chef Torte barked.
The gap in the artificial rock wall was very dark. A horizontal wooden spike poked out of the darkness and into the morning light. It pointed slightly upward at the far sea in the horizon. As the rest of the structure slowly emerged from the hideaway, it appeared the wooden spike was the mast of a great pirate ship. The large vessel fully appeared out of the cavern, and the gate behind was shut. A few remote-controlled preparations were made in split-seconds, including the magnificent sail unfolding. The sail’s color was black and had the symbol of a white chef’s hat. Below the hat, two white swords were crossed. Finally, as the ship came to a steady stop, Torte turned to his confused Team of Terror. He gave a small and evil grin. His eyes lit up, and he removed his pastry hat, placing his old hat in his green shell and taking out another to put on his scaly, bald head. It was a captain pirate’s hat, complete with skull and crossbones.
“Team of Terror, you are now ze Motley Crew of Terror, but I haf a feeling zat von’t catch on... so ve’ll just keep it ze Team of Terror. But alas, I am changing my title! I am no longeir Chef Torte, I vant you all to address moi as Cap’n Torte, Scurge of ze Seveiral Seas! ARRGH!” Cap’n Torte ordered.
The captain and his clone hopped down onto the ship followed by everyone else in the Team of Terror. The Torte Pirate Ship began its maiden voyage. Seagulls flew overhead, making the miraculous scene complete. After handing the helm to his Apprentice, Torte made sure all of the things the ship needed to head to Proarctica were ready. Then with a check of his compass, they sailed far from their island home. The Sun still rising into the sky, they had plenty of time before dark, though the northernmost point of Plit, Proarctica, would take over a day’s worth of traveling to reach. Chef, or now better known as Cap’n Torte, and his clone walked down into the ship. Torte started preparing some food for the later lunch, and rested in his cabin. Mini Moi had a similar cabin next to the captain’s, but as you may have guessed, smaller.
Up on deck Genius Guy, now wearing a pirate outfit that he seemed to have got from nowhere, ran around looking off the ship with his telescope. Changling swabbed the deck along with the Grand Glum Reaper, both of them having bandanas on their head. Up top in the crow’s nest, Whomp searched the sea for any dangers or ship-through fast food joints; the big brick of cement wore his viking helmet and hollared in the wind. “URR URRRR!!!”
Torte’s Apprentice manned the helm and had no idea what he was doing, hoping that his compass and map would steer the boat in the correct direction. Below deck, Embert made sure all the gunpowder and cannon balls were not scattered about and carefully prepared for battle. Why a flaming sphere was put in charge of handling flammable items, no one knows. Soshi scowered the kitchen for something to munch, but only found baking soda and cans of beans. The hungry dragon slammed the cupboard he peered into and turned around. Soshi jumped, startled by Dingpot, who had been right next to him. The cauldron was placed on board earlier, before the ship was revealed.
The ship sailed off until the Island
of Soshi was no longer visible and the rest of the Tropacine Islands were
vanishing. Genius Guy stepped up on the border of the ship and looked out
at some dolphins, playfully jumping in the air. Everything seemed majestical,
until an imminent splash was heard. “MAN OVERBOARD!!!”
Also starting their journey to the northern continent of Proarctica, Bowser and his cronies appeared at a dock somewhere in the upper Mushroom Kingdom area. Kamek and Kammy used their adequate shapeshifting abilities to appear as a couple of honeymooning Mushroomers and entered the structure to rent a fishing boat. Coming out successfully, Bowser and the rest smuggled onto the ship without the dealer noticing. Once they had the ship out onto the ocean, everyone came out of the cramped fishing boat.
Jagger steered the ship, and the two Magikoopas circled the center pole coming out of the ship on their broomsticks, checking for any fowl waters ahead. Wendy looked out to the sky, sniffing the ocean air. It was delightful to the water-loving Koopa. Morton on the other claw wasn’t shaping up too well. His usually grey face was green, and he clutched his stomach tightly. The seasick Koopa stood near the edge of the boat, just in case.
Iggy and Roy were back below deck playing
mercy among other games. Larry was in the next room, listening to the screams
of his older brother Iggy. He hummed to himself while watering his last
possession, a tiny budding Jungle Piranha Plant. He smiled and positioned
it at the window, making sure it got plenty of sunlight. Bowser Junior
was up on deck trying to get someone’s attention since his father got angry
at him earlier for disturbing his rest. The King of Koopas was snoring
loudly in a chair on the deck of the ship. Drool trickled off his bottom
lip and out of the corner of his mouth. Bowser was most likely having his
revenge dream, where he was the big bad villain once again.
A third party was going to voyage out in the ocean that day. Yoshi, Mallow, and Splooshi walked over to Yo’ster Island’s beach, where a friendly Starfish and a Kipper ran the boat renting business. Yoshi forked over a hefty bag of coins and the three climbed aboard their ship. It was a tiny sailboat with only three rooms in the lower deck. On the plus side, the wind was with them that day, and they got off to a good start. Strong winds pushed the little sailboat far toward its destination. Splooshi was having the time of his life and raced about asking Mallow and Yoshi if they needed anything. Yoshi and Mallow didn’t however, but Splooshi wanted to make sure they liked him.
Yoshi brought up a bunch of fruit for an early lunch snack, which he and Splooshi devoured. Mallow had a candy bar he stowed away, knowing the hungry Yoshis would pester him for. He longed for Mario and Geno to be there with him, but knew Mario was dead or different... and Geno was of course back guarding the Star Road from other evils. He missed those days. He even missed Bowser a bit. Ever since he’d become prince, his life was a lot more dull, even more so than when he lived with Frogfucious. But now Mallow was on a brand new adventure, and there was treasure involved!
Three parties set sail, three goals await. Who will achieve theirs first? What dangers and encounters are immanent? Well I’m not going to tell you! You’ll just have to find out! Tune in next time, folks!