Chapter 3: Jar of the Dead
Toad 1: On the last episode of The New Life of Bowser...
Toad 2: Chapter!
Toad 1: Whatever! On the last chapter of The New Life of Bowser, Mario just got passed the doors to Bowser's main castle without the many common challenges. And, Bowser and Morton are in big trouble.
Toad 2: How do you know Morton is?
Toad 1: Can't I take a guess?
Toad 2: I WANT THE FACTS!!!
Toad 1: Let's just continue with the story, then we can fight.
Toad 2: Okay!
"Shoot!!!" Mario shouted as he ran away from beds that were chasing him trying to eat him. Mario was exploring the guard chambers when he got tired and wanted to lay on a bed, but the bed didn't like it and must have got his friends. The beds chased him into what looked like a giant hall with lockers everywhere. It must have been the school where the Koopas used to be taught. Used to.
"Only the masters shall lie on us!" one of the beds shouted and threw a pillow at Mario, who dodged it with ease. He continued running and ran into a classroom, quickly locking the door behind him.
"Thank God that's solved," Mario said and sighed. He then looked around the room and saw no way to escape, and the beds were still banging on the door. "Here's another problem to solve."
He walked around the classroom and saw many weapons. He looked at a chalkboard that was broken in half, and saw that on top of it read, 'Defense Against the Mario Brothers Class.'
"Wow!" Mario said as he looked at a glass case full of priceless items, "This stuff looks highly deadly. I wonder why Bowser never used them."
He looked at a description of a vase which read, 'The Jar of the Dead: an ancient weapon that can bring back the dead.'
Mario opened the door of the case and took it out. There was a purple elixar in it, or something similar to it. As soon as Mario touched it, a purple steam came out of it and it looked like there was glitter in the steam. Mario put his hand in the steam and it disappeared. He quickly pulled it back out and it was back.
"This is amazing," Mario said, but the
next time he went to put his hand into the steam, he put his own hand into
the elixar. He was sucked in.
Bowser sat on the bed while Morton lay in his. Not a word came from either of their mouths. The guard outside the cell talked to another guard who walked by, and they laughed. Bowser wanted to brake the silence so badly.
"So, where were you all these years?" Bowser asked, sticking his finger into a hole in the mattress and started to pull out the cotton. He thought that this was supposed to be a good bed.
Morton sighed. "Exploring. Visiting my many siblings." Bowser was surprised that he only said that and didn't go on about every second about his life like he normally did. "Whatever happened to Mother?" Morton asked, getting up off the bed and started to walk back and forth. "Did she really die?"
"Why do you ask?" Bowser said, looking up from his cotton removal.
"I always asked my brothers and sister, but now I came to ask Iggy," he said, "but you're here so you know the answer 100 percent."
"The answer is..." Bowser started staring into his son's eyes. "No."
"I knew it!" Morton shouted and jumped into the air.
"No fun and games in there!" the guard that was outside the door shouted.
Bowser looked at Morton and Morton must have read his mind. They were going to get out of this by acting like they were having fun, and then run out. Morton started laughing like a maniac while Bowser said, "Wasn't that a good one, son? Let me tell you another good one."
"Please do!" Morton shouted, trying to calm himself down from the fake laughing attack.
"I SAID NO JOKES!!!" the guard outside shouted again, banging the door with his spear.
"Then come make us!" Bowser shouted as he got up and sneaked over near the door.
"You asked for it!" the guard said and
reached for the doorknob.
Mario didn't know where he was. It looked like he was in outer space. He saw planets and stars, but nothing else. He was standing on a little while platform that was all glass and different colors. The many colors formed the image of the jar he had. Mario wondered whatever happened to the jar, but that wasn't important right now. He had to get himself out of there.
All of a sudden, a genie came over to him from a star that just flew by. "Ut lost," the genie said, staring at Mario, "somebody hus come to this lond."
Mario just smiled and waved at him. Mario didn't think that this was a land at all.
"You hove come to the connection of the doorways," the genie said.
"Why is it called the Jar of the Dead then?" Mario asked, wondering what the result would be.
"That's true," said the genie, "this does have to do with the dead. I'm just telling you the land that you're in. You will have to go through this land later on with a sibling."
"What?" Mario asked, confused.
"Being a genie," he said, "I can see the future, and bring back the dead."
The genie raised his massive hand and formed an orb in it. He then threw it at the glass that Mario was standing on, but it didn't hurt Mario at all. Instead, when Mario looked down, he saw the spirits of the many dead telling him to wish them back.
"You have three wishes to bring back the people of the dead," the genie said, pointing to the glass. "If you say more than one person for a wish, the first person you say will be brought back. If you make any errors, you could correct them at the end."
Mario thought about the time where Yoshi and Birdo were killed when trying to save Yoshi's Island but the evil wizard pushed them into lava. Other than that, he didn't know who to use the last wish on.
"The first two will be Yoshi and Birdo," Mario said.
"I know about your Birdo, but there are many Yoshis," the genie said, and clicked his fingers. When he did, Birdo appeared floating in the air in front of the genie, and looked like she was alive. "Human or monster?"
"Monster, and he's green," Mario said, knowing that would only help a little.
"Is your name Mario Mario?" the genie asked while he looked like he was searching for something in thin air.
"Yes," he said.
"Your father wants to come back. I know you have no other seekers besides these two." He clicked his fingers again and Yoshi appeared.
"Really!" Mario shouted in excitement, and tears started to fill his eyes. "Yes!"
The genie clicked his fingers again and Mario's father appeared. Mario wanted to hug is father. "Where shall I deliver them?"
"To the Mushroom Kingdom, right into the guest beds in the castle," Mario said, almost speechless. As soon as he got out of here, he'd backtrack out of Bowser's castle, knowing there was no danger besides attacking beds, and go back home to visit them.
"Your wish is my command," the genie
said, and clicked his fingers again. All four of them disappeared and Mario
felt himself going through the same portal that he had come through.
The guard came in followed by three more. They came after Bowser and Morton, but they just jumped over them and ran out the door, slammed it, and locked it.
"That was a lot easier done than said," Morton said, looking around for other guards and finding none.
"Let's go teach your brother a little lesson," Bowser said, running down the hall. Morton finally saw him running and ran after him.
"What are you going to do?" Morton asked, finally catching up to Bowser.
"Kick him out of his own castle," Bowser said and caught site of two guards, "Attack!"
"The prisoners of war have escaped," one of them said, and they both grabbed their spears and ran after Bowser and Morton.
"What war?" Morton asked them.
"Forget about them," Bowser said, going up to one of them and throwing him into the wall, "they're enemies."
"Right," Morton said, grabbing the other's spear with which he hit the guard over the head. Bowser then hurled him into a corner.
"We have to go faster," Bowser said. "Just pick them up and throw them."
"Iggy has a very weak army," Morton said, running after his father.
"When they went to school, Iggy's fake army was the weakest," Bowser said, starting to run down halls again. "Do you expect him to be better just because he's older? Give me a break."
"Well," said Morton, "yeah."
Bowser and Morton found the stairways and they looked around. "Do you think we're below the entrance or above?" Morton asked, looking up a stairway.
"If the dining room is on this level," Bowser said, looking up the same stairway as Morton, "what with the family tradition and how you guys were taught it school, we should be on the second floor."
"Wow," Morton said, moving away from the stairway and starting to go down the other, "you're smart."
"The best taught me," Bowser said, following his son.
"Who?" Morton asked, turning a corner and going down more staircases.
"Your grandpappy," Bowser said grinning, "but I'll tell you the details when we get out of this joint."
"I think we will because we didn't see a guard for a while now," Morton said, going down, yet again, another staircase.
"They're probably stuffing their fat
stomachs," Bowser said, turned a corner, and gasped.
Mario put the jar back into the glass case and closed it. "That was exciting."
He then walked away and went over to the door, eager to leave. There was no noise, but he didn't want to take the risk either and be bed food. He looked around and saw a light coming from the corner. He ran over to it and saw a window that he must've missed earlier. He looked out of the window and saw solid ground below. He looked to his right and saw a rope. He first went to open the window, but it wouldn't budge. He looked around and saw a mace. He grabbed it in his hands and swung it at the window. The glass broke and fell everywhere below.
He heard the banging on the door again
while he made sure that there wasn't a piece of glass left. But then something
hit Mario. Why didn't he just take a weapon or two and go out in the hall
and attack the beds? He shrugged. Why not jump 50 feet instead?
Toad 1: Will Mario get out of Bowser's castle okay? And will Bowser and Morton escape? What mystery lies in front of them? What will the next exciting episode-
Toad 2: CHAPTER!!!
Toad 1: Anyway, what will the next exciting chapter hold for us? Find out in this exciting epic, love, and adventure story of The New Life of Bowser!
Toad 2: I heard theyr're coming out with a sequel after this book.
Toad 1: The first show-
Toad 2: BOOK!!!
Toad 1: Alright already! The first BOOK isn't even done yet and we're only on the fourth sho... CHAPTER and they're probably going to be 30 more!
Toad 2: Can we fight now? Your so-called show is over.
Toad 1: I've been warming up. Let's
Chapter 4: Do the Thwomp-Thwomp
Toad 1: Sorry about my friend Fun Guy. He's always a critic about everything and he doesn't understand anything about others' feelings. Also because of his rudeness, I never had a chance to introduce myself. I'm Toad de Long, a famous DJ on Mushro Rap Radio. Of course I have tuned down to a more serious perspective; my friend here hasn't.
Fun Guy: ...
Toad de Long: Also Fun Guy is pretty weak so if you're wondering why he's not speaking at the moment, it's because I whipped his butt. Anyway, back to the next exciting adventure of The New Life of Bowser. Also, listen, because I heard you'll hear me on the radio somewhere in the story.
Fun Guy: Is tory oring!
Toad de Long: Not for long! The action
picks up right after the point where...
"Get in there!"
"Get in there right now or I'll rip you to shreds!"
"Then do it!"
Mario was angry at the moment. He was stuffing his pockets with what he could get out of the classroom in case he needed it on the journey out the window and beyond. Mario was going straight home after he got out of there though. All of the Fire Flowers were sleeping except one.
"Okay then," Mario said, pulling the flower out, "If you don't get into my pocket, I shall then throw you out in a hallway full of hungry beds."
"You've been drugged!" the flower shouted, "There's no such thing as man-eating beds."
"Wanna make a bet on that?" Mario asked, grinning.
"Sure!" the flower shouted. All of a sudden, the door started moving. The beds must have been banging up against it. The flower got scared and flew right into Mario's pocket, shaking.
"Just what I thought," Mario said, patting his pocket.
Mario thought he'd spend a little more time walking around the room looking at some of the weapons that he'd never seen in his life. A gun-like object with a spiked ball on both ends was sitting on a table in front of him. Mario didn't have a clue what this would've been used for. Mario walked up to it slowly, his pockets shaking with the Fire Flowers moving around in their sleep, and looked at it from a closer perspective. It seemed to be rusty, and a button that Mario would never have seen from farther away was right in front of him. Mario moved his finger over to the button, and then quickly drew it back.
"I just realized!" Mario shouted in surprise, "I never put gloves on!"
Mario shrugged. Nothing to do about it. Faster now, Mario moved his hand over the button, and then pressed down on it. The balls from both ends shot out, slamming into the walls on both sides. The noise was horrible, and Mario's ears were ringing for minutes afterward. Things fell from the shelves. Mario quickly dodged bullets, flying spiked balls, and bombs. Mario quickly ran away from the upstairs part of the room while it exploded.
Mario quickly ran over to the glass case where the genie's jar was and got on the ground and looked up. Was the ceiling going to cave in? After about ten minutes, everything stopped. Mario slowly got back up and walked over to the hole in the wall, which he then climbed up. It was covered with debris. He couldn't see a thing besides a gun pointing right at him. Mario quickly got away from the hole because he didn't know if the gun was loaded.
Mario then walked over to the glass case and looked into it at the Jar of the Dead. He really hoped it worked. Or was the genie a fake? He had talked weird at first, but then talked normally. Unless his accent was just fake...
Mario looked around, seeing if he could take anything else, but chose not to. "Time to go!" Mario shouted happily. He knew he was finally going to get out of there. Hopefully get out, at least.
"Or is it?"
Mario looked around the room. Nobody
was there. A screeching sound came from the door. "Trouble," Mario replied,
faced the door, and walked toward it, grabbing a ball-and-chain on the
"What are you doing here?" Bowser asked the girl figure standing in front of him.
"I didn't go to your castle yet," Morton said, "So I must say, howdy!"
Wendy O' Koopa was standing in front of her father and brother. She looked the same as she did as a kid; she didn't look mature at all. She was still wearing the pink ribbon on her head that her mother gave her as a child, even though it was awfully small and uncomfortable for her. She was also holding a stuffed Koopa that her mother also gave to her as a child. An eye was hanging out on it and the other was gone (she used to chew on them as a toddler), but otherwise, it was perfect and washed. She wore bracelets on her arms and feet with spikes on them (pink by the way). Her claws were short for a girl Koopa and you couldn't even tell if she had claws on her toes. She was pretty skinny too, and short.
"Geez," Bowser said, looking at the bear and the bow, "you'll never grow up, will you?"
Wendy giggled. Morton started to laugh and fell on the floor having a laughing attack. He grabbed his chest and started to spit everywhere. Bowser quickly covered his mouth so that any guards nearby wouldn't come and attack.
"Everything that mother gave me will never get old," Wendy replied, "Anyway, I'm here on a really important mission."
"Teddy has to help too, right?" Morton asked, still laughing.
"He's a Koopa!" Wendy yelled and kicked Morton in the back of the head. Morton now started to have a crying attack. Though, I never heard of that before...
"Morton, shut up!" Bowser yelled at him, "What did you say you were here for?"
"It's a long story," Wendy replied, "You'd better sit down to listen."
They sat down besides Morton, who was laying down sniffing, still with tears in his eyes.
"Well," Wendy began, "I'm not a master of my own castle. Actually I don't own my own castle."
"That's why I couldn't find it," Morton said, looking up at the ceiling, "because your name wasn't on it."
"Things aren't that simple in life, Son," Bowser replied, "Continue."
"Well," Morton said, "I walked everywhere and-"
"Not you!" Bowser shouted at Morton, "Wendy can continue!"
Morton's face turned red and he quickly hid it.
"Anyway," Wendy went on with the story, "my master is a burly man called James Refick. Did I say man? I meant Koopa. He has a missionaries thingy in which he pays people to do missions for him. I helped him form this so I get paid all the time for doing nothing. But that doesn't matter, I still do some dangerous missions for him, like this one. This is my third mission actually, because the other ones were just too hard and long. I had to wait weeks just to spy on the Koopas and see where this thing was or where the location of this guy was. This one will be pretty easy though."
"What is this mission you're seeking here?" Bowser asked Wendy, curiously.
"I have to find the main chef here," Wendy replied, "His name is Shevy Van Opry. I have to hold him hostage until he tells me where the bomb is. The bomb that can blow up this whole world with a flick of a switch. Once he tells me where this is, I shall go and deactivate it, quite easily though. Bombs that do more damage are a lot easier to get rid of."
Morton and Bowser both stared at Wendy. This mission sounded too hard for a girl like her with no weapons but a stuffed Koopa.
"Where are your weapons and everything?" Bowser asked, "You have no claws to begin with."
Wendy held up the stuffed Koopa. Bowser and Morton stared at each other, then the Koopa that was being held above Wendy. Morton started to crack up laughing, but Bowser was pretty concerned that his daughter was doing a mission with a teddy. A dangerous mission at that.
"What does..." Bowser began, but was cut off.
"It's a bomb!" Wendy shouted.
"That's a bomb? Morton said, having his second laughing attack still on the floor.
"No," Wendy said, "this stuffed Koopa in my hand can turn to life and do serious damage or whatever I want done. But there's a bomb coming up the stairs!
Surely enough, a Bob-omb was coming
up the stairs with its fuse lit. It was going pretty fast too. Morton quickly
got up and joined the others as they ran away from the bomb, but the faster
the Koopas went, the faster the bomb went. What were they to do?
"Who's there?" Mario asked through the door.
"Whoever you want me to be," the person replied, voice coming from through the door.
"If I said for you to be my darling Peach, then would you?" Mario asked the person.
"Why not?" the person replied. Mario just noticed something. That voice did sound like Peach's the whole time.
Mario went to fling the door open, but it was locked. Because he used all his strength, he fell backwards on the floor. After a second or two, he quickly got back up, unhitched the door, and now swung it open. There standing in front of him was Peach.
"How'd you-" Mario asked speechless. He did think that maybe somebody was pulling a trick on him and was ready for attack, but now his future wife was standing in front of him wearing a T-shirt that read "A Mushroom's Mushroom" and... silky pants.
Mario quickly raised the ball-and-chain up in the air. Peach flew back in horror, almost screaming. "If you're really my lover, then what year did we first meet and what was the date?" Mario asked, already getting tired from holding the heavy weapon.
"June 13, 1991!" Peach replied, closing her eyes.
Mario threw the ball-and-chain to the side, took Peach's hand, pulled her close to him, and then kissed her. He was even more speechless than before, but he couldn't say anything through this long kiss. When their lips broke up, they stared at each other.
"How's you get up here?" Mario asked.
"I wanted to see you to give you some company, maybe help," Peach said, starting a story, "I didn't want to go through the front door because of the many troubles so I knew that Bowser would have to have a secret door into his living quarters somewhere. Finally, I found the door and entered. Then, walking through the halls, I saw muddy footprints going and I followed them. I lost the prints because I fell down a hole and I found myself in a large hall. At one end there was a pile of beds trying to get into a door. I knew that you had to be in there. I went up to the beds and offered them a new house in that nice, cozy, castle of ours and they said sure and left."
"You found the easiest way around the most dangerous obstacles anywhere," Mario said.
"When you don't fight danger," Peach said, "you have to talk it out."
"Right," Mario said.
"We'd better go," Peach said. She started
walking away. Mario was surprised of how fast she wanted to get out of
there, but she had probably been there more times than Mario. Mario took
a moment to take in how beautiful Peach was, maybe even hot. He stared
at her, just walking away. Peach quickly turned around, saw Mario staring
at her butt, and snapped at him. He quickly ran to catch up.
"It's sort of campy in here!" Wendy shouted, trying to find a comfortable spot in the empty (thank goodness) closet they were in. She was having a better time than Bowser and Morton, who were both much bigger than she was.
"I'm dieing!" Morton shouted.
"Be quiet!" Bowser yelled at the both of them, "As soon as that stupid bomb walks by and thinks that we went up more stairs, we'll leave."
"Alright, Daddy!" Wendy shouted past Morton's loud groans.
"I mean not a sound," Bowser told the troublesome Koopas.
They then heard the fuse of the bomb as it walked up the stairs. They were quiet as they heard it pass in front of the door of the closet that they were in and left down a hallway. They then heard it explode later on.
"As easy as it seems," Bowser said, "it's gone."
"Yay!" Wendy and Morton both said at the same time.
Bowser turned around, causing one of the spikes on his back to scrape Morton's side, which caused him to cry a little, and opened the door slowly. Bowser peeked his head out and saw nobody and nothing. "Coast is clear," Bowser said.
They all came out of the closet and stood there, looking around. "I should have been in charge of escaping," Wendy said, scratching her back, which was itchy the whole time they were in there, "this is what I do for a living."
"Tough," Morton said, nodding his head.
Bowser pointed to the hallway that the Bob-omb went down and gestured them to go. Morton followed Bowser, but Wendy didn't move at all.
"No," Wendy said when they looked back at her. She was crossing her arms and tapping her foot. She was wearing shiny red shoes, by the way.
"Why?" Bowser asked, walking back to Wendy. Morton didn't know where to go or what to do.
"The chef's main kitchen is back down where we came from," Wendy said, "about five, six, or maybe even seven flights down."
"Right," Bowser said, "Come on, Morton!"
There was no reply. Bowser and Wendy both turned around and saw that Morton was nowhere to be found. The hallway that he disappeared in had stained windows of Koopas being tortured. Was this a sign of where the hallway led?
"Morton!" Wendy and Bowser both yelled.
"Looking for somebody?"
Bowser and Wendy turned around and saw
somebody that they really didn't want to right now. Iggy.
"Great!" Mario said, "Thwomps!"
"They're easy to get past," Peach replied. Mario looked at her in disbelief. Was he hearing that come from her mouth? "Do you think I just sat around in the castle when I'm kidnapped?" Peach asked.
"Well," Mario thought for a second and then, "yeah."
"One time, I found a nice guard to be watching over me, and he took me to this room all the time," Peach said, watching a Thwomp rise up and then fall back down. "He taught me that dodging Thwomps is like dancing. Wait, step, wait, step, jump, step, step, wait, step, jump, jump, done."
"Wha?" Mario asked, looking at her confused.
"Watch!" Peach shouted and then jumped onto a platform to face the first one.
"Wait!" Peach shouted. The Thwomp slowly rose up into the air.
"Step!" Peach shouted. She ran underneath the Thwomp onto the next platform, where another Thwomp was in front of her.
"Wait!" Peach yet again shouted. The Thwomp rose and she continued on, announcing each step move to Mario on the way. The only part where she messed up was in the jump and then jump again part. She slipped off the moving platform, but quickly wall jumped back up to it. This almost gave Mario a heart attack seeing this happening. He felt helpless watching from the start, but Peach told him not to move, but to watch. When she got to the end, she held up her hands.
"Now you do it!" Peach called over to Mario, "I call this the Thwomp-Thwomp!"
"Okay," Mario said, and he started and did everything that Peach did. It was actually too easy, but Peach was probably proud of it, putting herself in danger. When Mario easily got over to where she was, she was shocked.
"You did it very easily," Peach replied to his great effort.
"I was in the hero business for too
long," Mario said, and they both laughed. They continued onto the next
Toad de Long: Thanks for reading this exciting chapter! I hope you enjoyed it!
Fun Guy: I didn't one bit.
Toad de Long: He talks! Oh my!
Fun Guy: Whatever. Just talk so I can go home.
Toad de Long: Looks like Bowser might be visiting that cell for the third time! And Wendy coming into the story! What a surprise!
Fun Guy: I hate her...
Toad de Long: Shut up! Anyway, I wonder where Morton went. Did he just get lost like normal or did Iggy take him hostage? Who knows until the next chapter of...
Fun Guy: What about Mario and Peach?
Toad de Long: That was exciting when Peach came, but I thought the Thwomp-Thwomp would be harder because it's the name of the chapter.
Fun Guy: So what?
Toad de Long: I'm starting to sound like you now... scary. Anyway, we must go home now. Staying for four chapters is a pretty long time. We'll continue this story later! Goodbye!
Fun Guy: Finally! Not a show!