A Test of Wills 2

By Lord Seth

Lord Seth: Greetings, one and all, to the second season of what should have been a one-time thing that we're repeating for absolutely no reason! But instead of the Koopalings, we're having various Mario characters be in the house! And we've altered the rules some! But first, let's meet the contestants!

A pause.

Lord Seth: Where are the contestants?

Roy: Um, they're supposed to be here TOMORROW.

Lord Seth: TOMORROW?! Get them here NOW, and I want it done yesterday!

Yesterday...

Lord Seth: Thank for you for being here on such short notice.

Goomba: Ah, it was no problem. After all, messing up the fabric of reality is definitely worth it if we win
$1,000,000.

Lord Seth: Anyway, the contestants are as followed: Goomba, Lakitu, Spiny, Boo Diddley, Bob-omb, Cheep Cheep, Yoshi, and Pikachu. By the way, where is Pikachu anyway?

Earlier that day...

Ash: Pikachu! Thundershock!

Pikachu: Pikachu pika! (But we're fighting a Ground-type, you idiot! It won't do anything!)

Ash: Just do it!

Pikachu tries to thundershock the Geodude but it doesn't work.The Geodude blows itself up and causes Pikachu to faint.

Pikachu: Pika! (Another match lost due to Ash's incompetence...)

Back at where we were before...

Lord Seth: Aw, forget it. Let's just put in someone else. According to my calculations, a random character should be here any second now!

Sonic: How did I get here?!

Lord Seth: Uh... I meant a random MARIO character. You don't count!

Sonic: How do I get back?

Lord Seth: I don't know. But probably through that portal over there.

Sonic: Ah. Thanks.

Sonic goes through the portal.

Morton: Just get on with it already! Before I start talking even more than I am now, which is a lot, and I wasn't even going to say much until this part, so-

Lord Seth: Okay, this time a random MARIO character! They should appear in a few seconds.

A few seconds later...

Mario: Hey, what's going on here?

Lord Seth: Well, I guess I DID ask for a MARIO character...

Mario: So can I go away, or what?

Lord Seth: Yeah. Go away.

Mario leaves.

Lord Seth: Okay, if the next person to appear isn't someone I want as a contestant, I am going to be SO...

Roy: So what?

Lord Seth: Uh, I'd prefer not to say that. It could cause controversies.

Roy: Ah.

Lord Seth: ANYWAY, let's just let a freaking person GET here already so this freaking story can start!

Soon...

A Snifit walks by.

Lord Seth: Did you see that? A simple Snifit has come here! Congratulations, you're our new contestant! Anyway, here's the rules: You're all in there for a week. Each day one of you will mysteriously disappear. Whoever's left at the end wins $1,000,000!

Roy: Uh, the title is supposed to be a pun on "will" as in someone's spirit (You know, like "I have the will to do it!") and "will" as in that thingy people use to say who gets their stuff after they die. So where's the other
"will" part?

Lord Seth: Fine! Some guy named Will died and left his money to whoever wins this stupid contest. Now, before we waste more time here, you guys just need to get into the freaking house!

Roy: A triple pun! You don't see THAT very often!

Snifit: Quick question: Do the people who disappear disappear forever?

Lord Seth: You'll find out. Now GET INTO THAT HOUSE BEFORE I LOSE MY TEMPER!

Roy: Don't worry, if you lose your temper, we'll find it.

Lord Seth: JUST GET IN THERE!!!

The contestants all quickly run into the house.

Lord Seth: Eight contestants. One week. One winner. One crazy game show host. Who will win?

Day 1

Goomba: Roll call!

Lakitu: Why do we need a ROLL CALL?! We're all here! All nine of us!

Yoshi: (Yoshi notice ominous foreshadowing!)

Spiny: Wait... NINE OF US?!

All stare at a hooded figure.

All: AAAAAHHH!!!

All eight run in random directions.

Figure: Heh... the fun begins.

Outside...

Lord Seth: Let's go see how some of the characters are doing.

Inside...

Spiny: Argh! Why'd I go into the BASEMENT?! Everyone knows that's where everything bad happens!

Lakitu: ...

Spiny: AAAAHHH! Something went "..."!

Lakitu: Relax. It's just me.

Spiny: AAAAAHHH! Something went "Relax. It's just me."!

Lakitu: Oh, shut up.

Spiny: AAAAHHH!

Spiny hides in his shell.

Lakitu: *sigh*

Meanwhile, in a completely different story...

Grit: Okay Colin, this is how you fire a gun.

Colin: (pointing the gun at himself) Like this?

Grit: No, not like that! The other way!

Colin turns the gun upside down. It's still facing in his direction.

Colin: Like that?

Grit: No you idiot! Just give me that gun already! You could hurt someone. Guns kill people, you know.

Colin: That's not true! Guns don't kill people. Bullets do!

Grit: ... WHY must my fellow COs be such idiots?

Back in The House...

Lakitu: Fortunately, if we're with each other, it would be difficult to dispose of both of us, as it's supposed to be done in secret. So as long as we're with someone, we should be safe. Right, Spiny?

Spiny has left.

Lakitu: Oh shoot.

Meanwhile...

Snifit: Being the last to arrive, odds are I'm going to either win this thing or be the first to lose. So it's
all-or-nothing. So what do I do? And why am I talking to myself as if someone is actually listening to me?

-Green Earth-

Eagle: Why is the camera on us?

Jess: As a gag. You know how Lord Seth is.

Eagle: Oh BOY do I know...

Lord Seth: Are we going to have more and more Advance Wars 2 cross-overs? Because these are getting kind of annoying.

-The House-

Boo Diddley: Well, we're now in the biggest group. Except for Snifit, Lakitu, and Spiny, we're all in this big group. As long as we stay together we shouldn't have to worry about anything.

Goomba: Yeah, but what about everyone else?

Boo Diddley: Who cares about them? Let's just all go to bed.

Bob-Omb: With a ghost roaming around the house?

Boo Diddley: Hey! I take offense at that!

Cheep Cheep: Let's just see how things look in the morning.

Meanwhile...

Lord Seth: Well that was an uneventful first day. Let's find out tomorrow who survived and who... well, didn't.

Sturm: And be sure to support Black Hole!

Lord Seth: Black Hole is evil and bad! Why would someone do THAT?

Sturm: I don't know.

Lord Seth: ENOUGH WITH THE ADVANCE WARS CROSS-OVERS ALREADY! Now let's see who mysteriously disappeared.

Day 2

Inside the house...

Goomba: Well, we're all here except for Snifit. So Snifit must have disappeared all strangely and stuff.

Yoshi: Yoshi hungry! Yoshi see food all around him!

Goomba: Food? Hey, what are you talking about? There's no food in here! Unless you're referring to... us...

Yoshi: Yoshi need food!

Yoshi begins chasing the other contestants around.

Lakitu: At least I'm safe, because I'm up here on the cloud.

Yoshi jumps up and eats Lakitu.

Lakitu: Er... maybe not...

Some time later...

Goomba: Phew! Good thing Yoshi put us all into eggs and we're all safe now!

Yoshi: But did you have to tie me to the wall?

Goomba: Yes.

Lakitu: Yes.

Cheep Cheep: Yes.

Koopa Troopa: Yes.

Bob-omb: Yes.

Spiny: No.

Everyone stares at Spiny.

Spiny: What?

Lakitu: Why, oh why, did I pick THIS idiot to drop at Mario? No wonder he beat us!

Goomba, Weakling: I don't know exactly why I'm talking to the camera like this, except we're probably trying to make a joke on Survivor. Anyway, I figure that since I'm the weakest, whatever is making the people disappear will get to me last, so I'll win! Don't ask me how that makes sense, though.

Cheep Cheep: Let's try to find some rooms or something. We can't stay here for the whole time.

Bob-omb: Why not? It'll keep us safe from whatever it taking people. Right, Yoshi? Uh, Yoshi?

Yoshi has mysteriously disappeared.

Koopa Troopa: Gee, how did we miss that?

Bob-omb: AAAHHH! A disappearance! That... is... making... me... so... upset!

Lakitu: RUN!!!

Everyone runs away. Bob-omb blows up.

Bob-omb: Phew... Good thing we come back together after that. Otherwise I'd be dead right now.

Outside the room Bob-omb is in...

Koopa Troopa: And THAT is why we have to make sure we aren't all in the same room. Plus it'll make the plot boring.

Spiny: You know, if this wasn't all a game show, this would be a cool And Then There Were None parody. You know, that was a great book. Would you believe that... why are you all staring at me?

Lakitu: You're smart enough to read?!

Spiny: Well, duh! What did you think I was, stupid or something?

Everyone: ...

Part 2

Bob-omb: Hey guys!

Everyone: AAAHHHHH!!!

Everyone runs away.

Bob-omb: Man, just explode ONCE and everyone's suddenly your enemy. Oh well. At least this way I have some privacy.

Voice (in ghost-like fashion): Whooooo...

Bob-omb: AAAHHH!

Bob-omb runs to the others.

Bob-omb: AAHHH! I SAW A GHOST!

Bob-omb blows up. Everyone is covered in ashes.

Spiny: YAY! Let's do that again!

Bob-omb: Okay!

Everyone: NO!

Bob-omb: Okay... I won't...

Goomba: I'm bored. Want to see what's on the TV?

Everyone goes over to the TV but quickly begin to argue over what to watch.

Goomba: I want to watch Survivor!

Lakitu: Well, I want to watch Big Brother!

Koopa Troopa: The Simpsons!

Bob-omb: Aqua Teen Hunger Force!

Cheep Cheep: Star Trek!

Spiny: The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!

Everyone stares at Spiny.

Spiny: What?

Lakitu: Being on the ground floor makes me nervous. Let's go up to the second floor.

Spiny: No way! I like being here! Being on the ground is good! I don't like being in the air!

Boo Diddley: Quick question: Two people have disappeared. But there are seven of us here. Goomba, Lakitu, Spiny, Koopa Troopa, Bob-omb, Cheep Cheep, and Boo Diddley. Why?

Cheep Cheep: Simple. Someone didn't bother counting.

Outside...

Lord Seth: Okay, WHO screwed up the counting?

Roy points at Morton. Morton points at Roy.

Lord Seth: Argh! So what are we going to do, split the prize two ways?

Bowser: What else?

Lord Seth: What are you doing here?

Bowser: I'm the Executive Producer.

Lord Seth: What does that even mean?

Bowser: In this case, it means I paid all sorts of money for this.

Lord Seth: Then why doesn't it say "Gave lots of money" instead of Executive Producer?!

Bowser: I have absolutely no idea.

Lord Seth: What exactly is the point of all this?

Roy: To annoy Lemmy. You know how he hates self-insertions.

Lord Seth: Yes... mwahahaha! MWAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Morton: Why are you laughing all evil-like? It just doesn't seem like you at all. Well, I mean, I guess it's kind of like you, but not much like you, but still not quite enough like you to really be you.

Lord Seth: Oh.

Roy: What IS your profession anyway? Because first you were some paranormal investigator, and then you were something else, and then you were an interviewer, and now you're a gameshow host.

Lord Seth: It's just one of those unexplained mysteries of the universe. Kind of like how the remote control always vanishes! *sigh* I've got some bad news, though.

Bowser: What?

Lord Seth: Well, I thought I was going to be immortal and live forever. But it turns out I'll probably die at the age of one billion.

Roy: ...

Morton: ...

Bowser: ...

Lord Seth: Man, could I get a little sympathy?

Meanwhile in the house...

Koopa Troopa: Man, why do we decide the winner by people disappearing? Why not just have some sort of competition? You know, to decide who gets to decide the two people who can be evicted, and then have someone else decide if they want to bring someone off of that, and then have competitions to see what food we get?

Goomba: That sounds an awful lot like Big Brother.

Lakitu: Big Brother as in the show or Big Brother as in the leader of the Party in 1984?

Goomba looks at all the cameras.

Goomba: Maybe it's both.

Boo Diddley: AAAAHHH! There's dust everywhere!

Bob-omb: Well, DUH! No one has lived here for... well, a long time!

Boo Diddley: But it's all dusty! I hate dust!

Cheep Cheep: Who would've guessed he was such a neat freak?

Lakitu: If you hate dust so much, why did you reside in all those haunted mansions that were full of dust?

Boo Diddley: You know, that's a good point... I wish I knew why...

Goomba: Hey, Mario! How about we be friends?

Mario: Hmm...

The Goomba bites Mario.

Goomba: Haha! You feel for it!

Mario stomps the Goomba.

Goomba: Ow.

Goomba: That flashback brings back painful memories! And it has nothing to do with what we were talking about!

Boo Diddley: Really? Hmm.

Read on!


 
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