Round 5 (4)
Crazy Packers Fan: Welcome back to Mario
Madness 2! I'm Crazy Packers Fan, of course, here with Roy and
Larry Koopa, who have helped me with their predictions along the way here to the fifth round, where only four players remain. Speaking of predictions, back in round one we chose who we thought was going to make it this far. For a little bit of humor, let's flash back to those predictions.
Roy: I still hate flashbacks.
Roy: I know a bunch of Tweeters who have moved to Sky Land, so I'm going to pick #16 Tweeter to go all the way in the Sub-con bracket. I don't know most of those idiots in the "New" Wild Card section, so I'll just pick #1 King Boo, because he has the highest seed. #14 Parakarry visits Sky Land a lot, and I like Paratroopas, so he's going to win the Paper Mario bracket. Finally, #1 Donkey Kong is a famous enemy of Mario's, so I like him to win in the "Classic" Wild Card section.
Crazy Packers Fan: How about that? Roy actually got one right!
Roy: That's right! And that's also 10,000 coins for me, which is the bet I put on King Boo to make it this far!
Larry: What about those other three picks?
Roy: Oh. Right. I lost 30,000 coins on those three wrong picks.
Crazy Packers Fan: Here's what Larry said:
Larry: How can #6 Wart lose? Maybe if it's a speed challenge, but otherwise, he should crush the competition in the Sub-con bracket. #2 Petey Piranha is big and dangerous, so he should beat the other "New" Wild Cards. #1 Tubba Blubba has it all, and there's no way he can't win the Paper Mario section. Finally, our brother #2 Morton Koopa Jr. will make everyone wonder why he wasn't in the first Mario Madness by beating the other "Classic" Wild Cards.
Crazy Packers Fan: Larry also got one right! Both of you are better predictors than I thought. Well, it's time for the competition.
Roy: Wait a minute. didn't you predict who you thought would make it this far, too?
Crazy Packers Fan: I think you have a bad memory.
Larry: No, no, we have that on tape too.
Crazy Packers Fan: I think we lost the tape.
Roy: Mr. Game & Watch, put on that tape!
Mr. Game & Watch puts in the tape.
Crazy Packers Fan: Finally, I'll make my choices: #8 Bob-omb, #10 Fawful, #8 Gourmet Guy, and #2 Morton Koopa Jr.
Roy: How about those picks?! They're
so dreadful, not a single one of them even reached the fourth round,
let alone the fifth round! What a joke!
Crazy Packers Fan: Alright, alright,
let's start the competition. First we have Sub-con Champion Shy
Guy vs. "New" Wild Cards Champion King Boo!
The fans cheer as the players come out.
Shy Guy comes out walking slow with his head down. King Boo is
waving and laughing.
Crazy Packers Fan: These two players
will compete in a best-of-three competition. Whoever wins two games
first is our winner. According to the Roy's so-called immutable law of CPF's competitions, the match must be
all tied up entering the final game, but that's coming from Roy, so you really don't know whether to believe
that or not. Anyway, our first match comes from the classic Mario Bros. game, as each of these players
will try to knock over and kick away five Spinies before their opponent does so. Of course if either of them touches a Spiny that's not knocked over, that character automatically loses. Are you two ready?
Shy Guy: Sure.
King Boo: Of course!
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
The two players enter a makeshift Mario Bros.-level, where there are several floating platforms, four pipes, and a POW block. King Boo starts out by knocking over a Spiny. However, Shy Guy comes rushing over to kick away the Spiny and earn the point before King Boo can get it.
King Boo: That's cheating!
Crazy Packers Fan: No, it's not. Just keep playing!
Shy Guy knocks over another Spiny, and he jumps up to the platform it is on, trying to kick it away. However, King Boo knocks it back over right-side up before Shy Guy can kick it away. Shy Guy is able to avoid touching the Spiny and getting eliminated.
Larry: I didn't think this Mario Bros. game could actually be enjoyable to watch.
Roy: It isn't... I have 1,000 coins on King Boo, who is trailing.
King Boo is able to get a point back, however, by knocking over a Spiny and kicking it away before Shy Guy can kick it away. That evens the score at 1-1.
Crazy Packers Fan: We can make this really challenging.
Crazy Packers Fan: Press this button.
After Larry presses the button, lots
of Spinies start pouring out of the pipes. King Boo and Shy Guy are
forced to retreat to the bottom level, as even when they knock over Spinies, they cannot reach the Spinies to kick them away.
King Boo: This is impossible!
Shy Guy: No it's not.
Shy Guy picks up the POW block and throws
it. Many of the Spinies get knocked over, and the two players
hurry to kick them away. Each of them kicks away three at about the same time.
Crazy Packers Fan: It's 4-4, with the next Spiny kicked winning the match.
King Boo and Shy Guy race after a Spiny
that is kicked over. The race is close, but King Boo seems to get
King Boo: Ouch!
The Spiny jumps back to being right-side
up just when King Boo goes up to kick him. Because of this, he
loses the game.
Crazy Packers Fan: King Boo loses by touching that not-knocked-over Spiny, so Shy Guy wins the first game of this match!
Roy: Which means that King Boo will win this next game. In fact, I'll put 10,000 coins on him winning this next game.
Larry: I'll take that bet.
Crazy Packers Fan: Next is a stranger competition. Each player will hop on a Super Mario Bros. Trampoline. There are many Spinies and spikes below. If you hit one of those, you automatically lose, but if you don't hit any, you may win. If both players do not hit any, the one who goes farther wins. If both hit Spinies, we do this over again. Does this make sense?
Shy Guy: Yes.
King Boo: Sure.
Crazy Packers Fan: King Boo will go first.
King Boo jumps on the trampoline, and
he goes flying over Spinies and spikes to a distance of 105 feet,
without touching any Spinies or spikes.
Crazy Packers Fan: King Boo jumps 105 feet! It is your turn, Shy Guy.
Shy Guy gets a running start, then jumps on to the trampoline. His running start gives him a longer jump. He sails past King Boo's mark of 105 feet, going for a distance of-
Shy Guy: Ouch!
Crazy Packers Fan: Shy Guy hits a Spiny, which means that King Boo wins this game!
Roy: That's 1,000 coins for me!
Larry: How could Roy actually be right?
Crazy Packers Fan: It's time for the final game of this best-of-three match, which will be a race in rafts across this pool of water. There are Boss Basses that will jump out of the water after you, and if you get knocked off your raft, you automatically lose. If neither player gets knocked off his raft, then the winner is whoever reaches the other side of the pool first. Get in your rafts now.
The players get in their rafts, finding oars with them.
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
King Boo starts out to an early lead, but he is quickly overtaken by Shy Guy as a Boss Bass gets in his way. He then finds himself falling further and further behind as Boss Basses keep on popping up, slowing him down a lot.
King Boo: Go pick on Shy Guy!
Shy Guy, meanwhile, is not having many Boss Bass problems, as he is able to maneuver his raft around the two Boss Basses he sees. He reaches the halfway point of the pool with an enormous lead, as King Boo is not even a tenth of the way across the pool.
King Boo: Stupid Boss Basses. I'm not finished yet!
King Boo mounts a furious comeback, pushing his raft past the Boss Basses. He starts to pick up speed, and Shy Guy's lead shrinks quickly. Shy Guy is three fourths of the way across the pool when King Boo reaches the halfway point, and King Boo gains even more ground from there.
Shy Guy: I'm not letting him catch me.
Shy Guy paddles his raft directly in
front of the charging King Boo's raft. King Boo is unable to change
directions in time, and he crashes into Shy Guy's raft.
King Boo: Oh no!
Boss Basses have come up King Boo, and
they knock him off the raft. Shy Guy reaches the end of the pool,
already having won by King Boo being knocked off his raft.
Crazy Packers Fan: Shy Guy wins! Shy Guy is going to be in the Mario Madness 2 Championship!
Shy Guy: I won. Yay.
King Boo: I think the pool was rigged.
How come many more of them came after me and not Shy Guy?! I'm
filing a protest!
Crazy Packers Fan: I would think you would know by now that filing a protest does absolutely nothing. I mean, just look at Roy here!
Roy: Hey, don't rub it in! And besides, I know I beat Chargin' Chuck in that match!
Crazy Packers Fan: We are now moving
on to the match between Paper Mario Champion Tubba Blubba and
"Classic" Wild Cards Champion Game Guy!
Tubba Blubba and Game Guy come out to cheers.
Crazy Packers Fan: The winner of this match goes to the Mario Madness 2 Championship against Shy Guy. This is also going to be a best-of-three series between you two players. The first one of you to win two games is the winner of this match. We will first have a game of Goomba stomping. It is easy enough, just stomp more Goombas than your opponent in one minute.
Tubba Blubba: Did Troopas pay you off to make this a Goomba stomping challenge?
Crazy Packers Fan: That is insignificant.
Game Guy: That's a yes.
Crazy Packers Fan: Forget about that and go!
Goombas come out of a pipe. Both players
jump on the Goombas in near identical fashion. They are able to
hop on one Goomba in about every one-and-a-half seconds. At the end, however, one player is able to jump on two Goombas at the same time, giving him a slight advantage.
Crazy Packers Fan: Time's up! Let's check the totals for each player: Tubba Blubba stomped on 45 Goombas. Game Guy stomped on 46 Goombas! Game Guy wins the first game of the best-of-three competition!
Game Guy: All right!
Tubba Blubba: I don't think so. Show me a replay!
Crazy Packers Fan: Turn on the replay, Larry.
Larry shows the replay. As it turns
out, Tubba Blubba had backed into a Goomba near the end, hitting him
enough to squash him, which actually tied the score at 46.
Crazy Packers Fan: Tubba Blubba actually stomped on 46 Goombas, and we have a tie! Now we'll have a Troopa shell-kicking contest to break the tie.
Game Guy: Did Goombas pay you off to have this contest?
Crazy Packers Fan: That's not important.
Tubba Blubba: That means yes, again.
Crazy Packers Fan: Anyway, whichever one of you kicks his Troopa shell farther wins this game. Game Guy will go first.
Game Guy kicks the Troopa shell. It comes to a stop at about the 200-foot mark.
Crazy Packers Fan: With a kick of 200
feet, Game Guy is hoping that Tubba Blubba's kick goes less than 200
feet in order for him to win the first game. If Tubba Blubba's kick ends up going longer than 200 feet,
Tubba Blubba wins.
Crazy Packers Fan: Hey, I don't want
to be sued for not giving enough information. Go ahead, Tubba
Tubba Blubba kicks the shell very hard.
In fact, it goes way past Game Guy's spot, going towards the
Waluigi Stadium wall.
Crazy Packers Fan: Tubba Blubba easily wins the first game! On to our next-
Game Guy: Yes!
Crazy Packers Fan: You lost... wait a minute!
Tubba Blubba's shell bounced off the wall and came back, landing at about the 175-foot mark.
Crazy Packers Fan: Game Guy wins the
first game, after all! So after having three winners and one tie in our
first game, Game Guy ends up holding a 1-0 lead after the first game. On to our next game, which is the
classic Mario Party mini-game Skateboard Scamper. Both of you will race on your respective skateboards across this course. There are several banks as well as walls to jump over.
Roy: I'll bet a double or nothing bet
on this one that Tubba Blubba wins, as it must be tied up at 1-1 after
Larry: I'll accept, because I don't believe your so-called "immutable" law.
Roy: It's immutable, I tell you!
Both players get on their skateboards, standing at the starting line.
Crazy Packers Fan: Go!
The players start racing down the course.
Game Guy is lighter, so he gets an early lead. Tubba Blubba is
able to pick up enough speed going down a hill that he catches up to Game Guy, who slipped slightly going
down the hill. Both players jump over several small walls. Then comes a surprise.
Game Guy: Chain Chomps?
Chain Chomps come swinging out, one of which knocks Game Guy off his skateboard.
Game Guy: Stupid traps. There are always
traps in these competitions. I should have known! I won't be
Game Guy: -time.
Tubba Blubba is cruising ahead, having avoided the Chain Chomps and obviously the Thwomp as well.
Tubba Blubba: Victory isn't a sure thing. I know there's some trap waiting for me. I have to hope I find it before it finds me.
Meanwhile, Game Guy has gotten up, as you know from Mario Kart 64 that it only takes five seconds or so for someone to recover from being crushed by a Thwomp.
Game Guy: Hopefully I saw the last of the traps... nope!
Game Guy is headed for a head-on collision with a pipe. He tries desperately to avoid it, but it is too late.
Game Guy crashes into the pipe. He grabs onto his skateboard as he flies into the air. However, he lands in the pipe!
Tubba Blubba: Where are the traps? I'm almost about to finish!
Game Guy comes flying out of a pipe,
only a little bit behind Tubba Blubba. He gets on his skateboard and is
able to catch up to Tubba Blubba and pass him.
Larry: I knew Game Guy would come back!
Game Guy starts to celebrate as he nears the finish line.
Game Guy: I'm going to the-
Tubba Blubba: All right, that Giant Piranha Plant just took Game Guy in his mouth!
Tubba Blubba, despite losing his lead late in the race, comes racing toward the finish line.
Tubba Blubba: Victory!
The Giant Piranha Plant sitting next
to the finish line spits out Game Guy, who ends up crossing the
finish line before Tubba Blubba after all.
Game Guy: I win after all!
Crazy Packers Fan: Game Guy wins this semifinal match by a score of 2 games to 0! Game Guy is going to the Mario Madness 2 Championship against Shy Guy!
Tubba Blubba: That's really cheap.
Game Guy: Wow. this is amazing!
Crazy Packers Fan: It is Shy Guy vs.
Game Guy for the Mario Madness 2 title! Let's look at the percentage of
votes received by the winners:
Mario Madness 2 Championship
Shy Guy (55%) vs. Game Guy (67%)
Larry: By the way, Roy...
Roy: Shut up!
Crazy Packers Fan: Your votes will decide
the Mario Madness 2 Champion! Just choose who you want to win this sixth-round
match. It's a battle of Shy Guys for the Mario Madness 2 Championship.
Will the boring,
non-talking one win? Or will the one who robs you of your coins in Mario Party 3? And of course, how will
Roy manage to lose coins this time? Find out in two weeks in the Mario Madness 2 Championship!