Chapter 4: Sew the Coat, Sue the Architect
A few minutes later, most of the TOT had dried themselves off. Embert quite naturally was kept safe from the wet sprinkler system by staying under Whomp.
"Do you hear that?" asked the (soaked) Apprentice, just as he was about to sit down to breakfast.
"Vhat? Zhat? Oh, zhat's just the sounds of Changling getting too close to Genius Guy vith ze scissors," Chef Torte replied.
"No no no! You can't cut the threads there! That was where I first got my 'I love Lucy’ sticker," whined a wet voice that had been most recently tied to the water dispenser with a very tight chain.
"But it's no longer there! It hasn't been attached to your coat for over a year," barked the frustrated Changling.
"But, but... 'I love Lucy!'"
"NERAHHH!" Changling yelled and picked up a towel and wiped up a portion of his face that he had missed a bit earlier.
"Um, well yeah. There is that sound, but I was actually referring to the ones that revolvearound the large light show out side," stated the Apprentice.
"Vhat light show?"
"That one," the Apprentice pointed out the curtainless window to the sights outside.
"Mon Dieu! Can't zees paranormal events occur vhen moi ist not trying to prepare for zee next great adventure on zee high seas?"
"Apparently not; though it would be quite a waste to not even attempt to watch it in action," suggested the Apprentice.
"I'd suggest otherwise," interjected the Magikoopa that was attempting to fend off the aggravating Shy Guy (still chained up) from stopping his work on separating the labcoat (which by now had turned into an unrecognizable snarl of sewing thread) from the curtain. "I really don't like this setup at all."
"Vhat? Ist Changling afraid of a few fireworks?"
"Yes! Err, no... I mean-"
"Zip it, zee Team of Terror ist about to-” But Chef Torte didn't get to answer, for at that instant Genius Guy slipped out of the water dispenser and its chains. It fell to the floor, rolled about, and took Torte out with a watery crash.
Changling cried out, “Chef Torte?!”
“I’ll save him!” Genius Guy cried out as he tried to run after the dispenser while clutching his coat. He got about two paces before the coat, still attached to Changling's hand, reached its max length and caused Genius Guy to slip and fall on his back.
“Uh, that must’ve hurt. Or at least, it might have... he looks asleep,” Embert observed.
“Oh... we’re going to get it now,” the Apprentice cowered.
Changling interjected, “We haven’t the time! This base is shaking to its core, we need to find some cover until the shaking is over!”
“WHOMP MAKE COVER!!!” a large stony voice yelled.
“Wha? WHOMP, NOO!!!” the Apprentice screamed, but it was more or less too late. Very soon it would be much more too late. Whomp leapt into the air from his prior position as a griddle and did a bellyflop onto the floor, where Changling and Genius Guy were standing. But with a quick action the Apprentice dove at them and landed on the floor more or less safely and out of the way of the slightly airborne block.
“Hey guys! I haven’t seen a floor make lines like that before,” Embert said in his normal cheery voice.
“And um, *cough* that’s bad, right?” Genius Guy asked ever-so-politely. (Or at least he thought it sounded polite, considering the current situation.)
“The floor! It’s cracking,” the Apprentice called out.
“Oh... no,” Changling said. It’s not like there was much more to be said while your life has suddenly become imperiled from falling into a volcano while you’ve been trying to untangle a coat, and all this just before breakfast.
Whomp helped to obliterate that fear by jumping again, and this time, the floor went down in a pile of rubble.
The Team of Terror, save for Embert, Whomp, and Chef Torte, all let out a unanimous ”AHHHHHH!!!” It was quite easy, they’d had a lot of practice screaming in life-threatening situations as of late. Though of the aforementioned, only Whomp was among those screaming and falling to their deaths.
Embert could see that the volcano beneath was totally exposed. “Look out! There's lava below you!” warned Embert, the official stator of the extremely obvious.
Changling had turned into a parachute midfall and the Apprentice had put him on and opened it. But instead of falling down, they were actually floating back up.
“What’s happening?” the parachuting Apprentice asked.
“We’re caught in an updraft. Grab Genius Guy before he hits bottom!”
“Genius Guy! Grab hold!” the Apprentice cried out and extended his hand.
But Genius Guy just continued to fall straight down. His last words before hitting bottom were: “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh-*splat*”
“I can't see in this form, what happened?” the red parachute asked.
“He fell and landed on his head, but not in the lava, on Whomp.”
"Whomp?" Changling question. "But he's a walking talking rock, and that's liquid rock he's floating in!
Despite all sence of reality, Whomp had on one of those bath hairnets on with an upside-down (and with a very large headache) Genius Guy on top; he also had a bath brush and was using soap and lava to wash his back.
As if to add to the badness of this bad day to end all bad days and to send all the other bad days running screaming to their mommies whose husbands had been very successful bad days at the office to get some comfort from having their own bad day...
Whomp started to sing. “URR RRRRRRUBER DUCKY YOU’RE DA ONE! YOU MAKE BATHTIME LOTS OF FUN!”
The Apprentice and his parachute-reformed friend continued to float upward while watching in surprise at Whomp and his un-standard yet hygienically-based set of actions since the volcano's base began shaking.
“WHOMP!!! What in the world are you doing?!” the Apprentice shouted from the safe confines of his friend the parachute.
“WHOMP SCRUB BACK,” was the immediate response. And with an “URR URR” he continued his bathing.
“Whomp, you do know you can melt in that stuff, right?” Changling called from his parachute form.
“Yes.”
And with that Whomp continued scrubbing his back, oblivious to the fact that he was slowly melting.
“Changling, do something!” the Apprentice called out.
“Uh guys, there's something you may want to know,” called the fireball we wish we had totally forgotten about.
“Not now, Embert, we have to save Whomp from the lava.” cried the Apprentice.
“But Genius Guy is down there too,” his parachute called out, “but we're not going to do them any good if we're floating up.”
It was then that the dilemma that Changling spoke of became no more. A sphere of energy rushed down the Whomp-shaped hole in the ceiling of the volcanic chamber and cut a nice hole right though Changling. With the hot air now having a place to go, Changling and the Apprentice began a long downward decent to the fiery lava below.
“EMBERT! Why didn't you warn us?!” the Apprentice cried in what he thought might be his last words.
Embert was now floating down the shaft at arm's length from the Apprentice and Changling and responded, “You told me that it wasn't the time for me to inform you of this.”
The Apprentice simply slapped himself on his head. This gave him a minor headache, though this didn't matter much to him because his life was about to end anyways.
Or at least it would have had a few events not occurred.
The first of which was that the red sphere had begun changing to a shade of yellow since it had entered the volcano. It approached a wall in the volcanic shaft and a rectangular section of the wall blew up at the moment the sphere stopped its downward decent and stopped instantly in front of it. It wasn't as though the sphere had caused the wall to spontaneously blow up, but nevertheless the timing of it was impeccable.
The next action was that because of the explosion, a tidal current caused Whomp to lose his balance and fall on an adjacent rock that had served as an island in this river of lava, which oddly enough was no longer becoming a river of lava. It wasn’t as if the lava was no longer flowing, but simply being drained equally thought the whole volcanic chamber.
Changling and the Apprentice continued their decent down the volcanic shaft. The Apprentice's nose was but an inch from the lava when strong round hands grabbed him and pulled him up.
“Whomp?”
“URR URR.”
The next thing that happened was quite a show. The yellow sphere began warping, it lost its depth and became a 2-dimensional circle. The circle began to warp into the shape of a brass lion, and returned to the 3rd dimension as a brass lion with a small ring in its mouth. It flew backwards in a linear velocity and made contact with the rectangular segment of wall. Life seemed to pour from the lion and the rectangle began to fill up with a red color. Once it all became red, gold lines of light seemed to be trying to escape from it. The lines outlining the rectangle yet remained in it. It almost seemed as though it was being all drawn by an invisible hand.
Exor remained floating in the air and faced the incident at a perfect parallel to the door. Once the lines were drawn in, a rhombus shape formed on the door. Exor went right for it in a perfect line to the rhombus and penetrated the door. More vibrant light exited the door frame and Exor rotated 90 degrees as if it were a key. The door opened and a vast purple swirling mass of places and events in a tornado could be seen through it.
“My GOSH. What a spectacle,” the stunned Magikoopa babbled as he regained his normal form. Oddly enough, he was still clutching the coat he was trying to untangle prior to his transformation.
“WHOMP MOVING!”
It was quite true. Whomp, though standing still, was being pulled slowly in the direction of the door. He braced his feet but to no avail.
“Wha?” asked the stunned Apprentice.
“Eep! The door is pulling us in!” the red Magikoopa called.
At that a stronger vacuum pulled at all the occupants of the volcano.
-~-~-~-~-~-~
Outside, Clever Guy had managed to pull himself down to the volcano's base. Using his grappling pen, he continued to make it in the direction Exor had headed. All at once, the winds pulling him up had given away and he felt himself being pulled into the volcano through the mouth. Clever Guy whelped both with surprise and pain at the sudden change in velocity. "It has to be the glass," he thought as blood continued to cover his normally white lab coat.
Up he went to the mouth of the volcano and right down as well. Rocks and broken floor segments filled his path and Clever Guy did his best to knock them aside or at least try to avoid the larger chunks. At the heart of the volcano he caught a glimpse of a stone body being pulled in to the door of light along with a bath hat and a accessory that looked like a squashed Genius Guy.
Once the last traces of the Shy Guy and brick had fallen in, Exor pulled out of the key hole in a perfect line and rotated so he was perfectly facing the open door way. Still, no thought of life was apparent in this airborne blade. Exor began a slow decent into the portal.
Clever Guy aimed his fall toward the sword. With an upside-down flip motion he took hold of the sword by its claws. Later, Clever Guy would debate why he attempted that feat of acrobatics: first off, because it hurt really bad, and secondly, because they were both going in the same direction whether they liked it or not.
Chapter 5: Baby Showers
Just as things were just about to get interesting, we change location. A particular Yoshi walks around in the skies, trying ever so carefully to keep from sinking in.
“Erm... What in the world do you do to keep from sinking in this stuff?” Ryan-oshi asked in a disgusted tone of voice. If any onehad heard him without knowing exactly where he was, one would’ve thought he stepped in some doo-doo. If you still think this then you really need to get your eyes checked because he’s really stepping in the clouds.
“It's called a cloud, and perhaps I don’t sink because I haven't put on as much weight.”
“Har har.” Ryan-oshi may be a good friend to Mallow, but there were just some things he couldn't get used to. Namely walking on stuff he could sink in, then plummeting down to Plit’s surface and dieing a very quick death. Worst of all, insurance won’t cover this sort of thing.
“Can't we just go back to Yoshi's Island? Where the ground is solid? We can watch the broadcast on my big screen TV?”
“What? And miss the official christening of my new baby sister? Live and in person?”
“I have cable.”
Mallow gave Ryan-oshi a glare. Some mini-lightning bolts could be seen in his eyes. Secretly, though, Mallow wished that there was a big cable TV set up in his room in Nimbus Land. All he had were a ton of servants who’d do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted and a personal bus service that would take him anywhere. Mallow’s eyes burned with indignity for Ryan-oshi’s wanting to bail out on one of the most important events in his life, and jealousy for not owning a cable big screen TV.
Ryan-oshi took a quick glance at the thunderstorm quickly surrounding himself and gave out a nincoherent mumble.
“Come now, it can't be that bad... Ryan-oshi?”
Mallow looked around and, seeing no place where Ryan-oshi could've run to, he looked down to see a small red spike slowly sinking into the white fluffiness. Mallow reached down and gave a good tug up. The green Yoshi soon surfaced from beneath the clouds.
“Is there a more 'stable' place we can wait?”
“Follow me.”
Mallow lead Ryan-oshi to the gates of the castle. A guard gave a deep bellowed "HALT" and pointed some spears at Ryan-oshi. It was one of the few things he learned how to do at his late night guard classes.
“Hey! I thought that King Nimbus let guests into his castle without a hitch?”
“It's just some added effect,” Mallow said, “Mom said that she didn't want anyone to see the baby before the ceremony was done. After that people can wander the castle as normal.”
“I see. Well, can we hurry it up? If I have to wait here any longer I'm going to make one huge creator down on Plit.”
Mallow gave a roll of the eyes before addressing the guards. "It's okay, guys, he's with me."
"Erm, I see. But the Queen has given strict orders against-" The guard started to respond.
"Look, it's okay, I'm the prince. I can make exceptions," Mallow interrupted.
"Ooookay, you may proceed then."
"As you were," replied Mallow and the guards turned about and faced the crowd.
"You know, as a kid I always wanted to say that."
"Yeah yeah, can we just go and find a solid place to stand?"
When the two walked inside the castle Ryan-oshi's feet touched the cold dark marble and gave a sigh of relief. "Errm. I guess I should apologize for the way I acted. But I just can't stand walking on some fluff."
“It's okay. Well, now that we're inside, any objections to taking a raid to the kitchen?”
“Mallow, I'm surprised at you. I didn't know you had a mishievous streak.” Ryan-oshi looked at Mallow with a raised eyebrow and a subtle smile.
“You didn't answer my question. Are you?”
“Hmm... Let's go!”
“Exit stage left!”
And the two friends made a quick dash for the kitchen. Not a bad move, seeing as had they stayed there any sooner Queen Nimbus would’ve caught them standing in the main hallway.
Queen Nimbus walked with her normal green dress on, and a small bundle Wario in pink cloth. She touched the newborn on the tummy through the cloth and it gave out a gurgling giggle. The Queen beamed with pride.It was a Nimbian tradition that no one was to look upon a royal child until the christening ceremony had begun... but what was the harm in a little peek?
The Queen looked left and right, convinced that no one was coming or spying. With a motherly yet cautious grin on her face, she reached for the dangling piece of cloth and lifted-
“QUEEN NIMBUS!!!”
The Queen quickly replaced the cloth and turned about. “King Nimbus, you surprised me!”
The jolly plump cloud made a heartfelt belly laugh that echoed through the castle. “Ho-ho, as though it would be anyone else with this place all strung up tight.”
“That it is. So are you all set for the celebration?”
"Oh yes my lady. I’ve got all my best autograph books pulled out from the royal deposit box.”
“So, why are you out here? The deposit box is down that way.” The Queen pointed into the direction that the King had just come from.
The King of Clouds suddenly looked a bit less jolly and a bit more guilty, “Erm, well you see my lady, there was this very important meeting I have to attend to and- OH LOOK AT THAT IS THAT A CLOAKED FIGURE?!”
The Queen gave a shriek and dove behind a nearby potted plant. She heard some feet running off in the distance/ When she thought the coast was clear she poked her head out. Surprisingly the baby didn’t scream its little head off.
“Oh my, what was that? And you are a good little girl for staying quiet for Mommy. We have to alert someone, my husband... Dear? OH NO!!!”
With her baby tucked under her arms she went around each of the hall ways and could see no trace of the hooded figure. Then again, she hadn’t really seen it. “It must have kidnapped my husband!”
And she ran off to the royal chambers.
A few minutes latter, when the King thought that the cost was clear, he giggled his way into the hallway that lead to the kitchen for a diet-defying snack.
Chapter 6: An Old Friend
Meanwhile Stario, the plumber/crystal star hybrid, and Luigi were getting ready to head over to the Mushroom Kingdom Castle for the live broadcast of the newborn at Nimbus Land. Things were going quite smoothly for a change.
“GRAH!!!”
Okay, that was a total and complete lie.
Luigi found himself in a back room. He found Stario all bundled up in babyshower wrapping paper tape, he found doodle ribbons all over the place, he also found out that his jaw wasn’t supposed to unhinge itself and fall to the floor, the latter of which was his most pressing problem as it hurt quite a bit. But he managed to put it back in his mouth. A trip to the doctor’s might have been in order had he not had other pressing matters.
“How did you do this?!”
“Well, I started to wrap the boxes like you said, but the paper was all so, so... pretty and the tape and the...”
“So you ended up rolling in it until you got yourself all strung up and ready for someone to dump you over a bridge, right?”
“Ermmmm...”
“*sigh* We don't have enough time, I'll grab the kart and the wagon and I can tow you and the gifts to the MK Castle,” Luigi said as he started to drag Stario to the garage door by Stario’s Baby Bear pattern Wario feet.
“But I can do it, I can get out if I can only grab my rainbow sw-”
Luigi didn’t let Stario finish his thought for the phone was now ringing so he slapped a sticky bow on Stario's mouth.
“Hello?” Luigi asked into the receiver. Stario looked like he was about to struggle to get out of the wrapping paper so he gave him a nice kick in the leg to get him to hold still.
“Hello, Luigi. This is me, no wait. I’m you from the future! Or is it you’re me in the past? Anyways, I’ve got a very important message that I thought that I should know at this po-”
“Read my lips. I... am... NOT... buying ANYTHING!”
And Luigi clanked the phone back on the hook and the phone started ringing again so he unhooked it from its socket.
Luigi rested his poor head on his hand as he leaned against the desk the phone was laying on. Oh why, why, WHY, couldn’t he be out fighting evil and protecting princesses right now instead of playing babysitter to his brother, only it isn’t quite him? Luigi would’ve gone further into remorse had Stario not managed to reach for his rainbow sword and attempt to hack at the bindings he had made for himself.
--------------------
About three minutes latter Stario and the packages were all in the wagon and Luigi drove the kart (with the Star Saber currently being used as a decorative piece out of the reach of Stario). Probably not the smartest idea, since most vehicles are used for war or sports and not mass transportation on Plit. But this point is only emphasized as Luigi almost managed to run over a familiar face.
“AHHH!!!”
SCREEEEEEEEEECH!!!
“Hey, watch were you're going!”
"Is that any way to treat 'da guy who does 'da work on you's guy's electrical?"
“... Edister?”
“'Da one and only.”*
Edister is what most people would view as an especially dull yellow mop with hands living in the back panel of the Mario Bros' apartment and wearing an especially ugly pair of glasses while watching the live shorts that were on the Super Mario Bro’s Super Show.
Outside of the Mario Brothers' electrical box, however, he was known as an especially dull yellow mop with hands living in the electrical box of the Mario Bro’s apartment and wearing an especially ugly pair of glasses and having a set of legs.
Outside of the solar system, Edister was known as an especially dull yellow mop with hands, a pair of ugly sunglasses, a pair of feet, and as a successful field researcher for the book “The Encyclopedia Galatica”. A rather successful book I might add. Within the Great Book set you will find a lot of information which is either wildly inaccurate or at least totally biased, or possibly sadistic against its reader or its content or more then likely, all of the above. A totally remarkable book nonetheless. Within its pages you can learn how to travel halfway across the galaxy using only three mercury soaked socks and a tube of toothpaste, advice on how to run the county’s best wild hammer ranch for under 8 Galati-bucks, and advice on how to grow a third nostril without the highly recommended, relatively painless, and expensive plastic surgery.
Edister’s arrival to the Planet Earth was a story of intrigue, loyalty, and budget cuts. To put it in a simple short way, Edister was sent to Earth to do field research on the planet Earth to gather material for an updated Encyclopedia Galatica. However, the Great “Galatica Publishing Company”, whose budget was generally spent on mercury soaked socks, luxury vacuums, and toothpaste, could only afford to send Edister on a one-way trip to Earth to gather research. Edister protested, explaining that there was no way that he could possibly come back to Galatica after his research was done without a return ticket. The acting president of Galicia responded that it was cheaper to send their writers off with on- way tickets. Edister responded by saying that they had already shaved off as much money as they possibly could. The president responded by saying that the more money that they saved, the more money they could use to play off their debt. Edister replied that the field researchers travel had already been reduced to stowwing away in the commercial vessels' garbage bins while disguised as walking tomatoes, and that reducing their trips to one-way was out of the question. The acting president responded by going into intense detail on why the publishing company needed to cut the budget again, and Edister pointed out the cost of the glass-encased luxury vacuums and how they overpopulate everything else in Galatica’s budget. Then the acting president, pulled out a small rectangular piece of paper with a bunch of dollar signs and Edister’s name on it and brought it alarmingly close to the shredder.
And hence the story behind Edister’s 7-year field research trip to Earth.
However, none of that explains why he’s on Plit.
“So what on Earth are you doing on Plit?” Luigi asked.
“Errm, how 'bout 'dis? I’ll tell you’s guys why I’m here, if you’ll tell me why Mario’s all Wario in bears.”
“Well, okay, that’s not really Mario. That’s Stario. Stario was made from the combination of Mario and the great Crystal Star after Mario died trying to battle a great and evil foe. So somehow this Crystal Star is working Mario’s body and has his memories but doesn’t have his same motivation. Sure, they’re both great and mature people that fight for the good of the land. Personally, I can’t tell the difference besides that Stario has a bit more yellow to him and has his own saber. That and he is pathetic with wrapping paper.” Luigi took a deep breath. “Okay, I’m done, your turn.”
“Okay, I’m here to warn you all 'dat 'dis planet has very little time to exist and I have 'ta take one of you’se guys with me. I read it in a fortune cookie I got with my Chinese take out.”
Luigi and Edister suddenly gave each other blank stares as they attempted to make sense of each other’s story.