Lemmy: Hello, dedicated fans, to the second ever Lemmy’s Awesome Race! Here today, to help me monitor this race, is Light Mario.
Light Mario: Thank you, Lemmy. Today, we have twelve teams racing to the ends of Lemmy’s Land for the big prize of one million dollars! Who will win? Who will lose? Why don’t I stop asking questions and have Lemmy introduce the teams?
Lemmy: To start off, a few teams from the last race are returning for a second chance at winning. Our first team is the well-known heroes of the Mushroom Kingdom. Let me introduce the first team, Mario and Luigi as Team Mario.
Mario: Woohoo! We’re the best!
Luigi: Mario has raised his IQ to a normal level, so we’re ready now.
Light Mario: Next up, they are the cutest things and the cutest team here. Meet Yoshi and Birdo as Team Cute.
Yoshi: Yoshi ready to win race!
Birdo: We got far in the last race, so we might get farther than that this time.
Lemmy: Our third team is the infamous, stealing, lying, and cheating, Wario and Waluigi as Team Cheat.
Wario: Yeah! I’m gonna win!
Waluigi: Waah! I didn’t want to enter another scary race, but he forced me to for a fee of-
Wario: *hits Waluigi* SHUT UP!
Waluigi: Ow! You hurt me!
Light Mario: The last of the old teams is the ever beautiful, and always daring, Wendy and Clawdia as Team Queen.
Wendy: Thank you! Thank you! I am beautiful!
Clawdia: We are mother and daughter in royalty, so we shall have no problem winning.
Lemmy: Next we have two teams made up of two contestants each from the last race, who mixed it up to create new teams. The first remix team is Peach and Daisy as Team Princess.
Peach: This is an opportunity to actually become more like sisters again. So we teamed up in this race.
Daisy: I only did this because I didn’t want to be stuck with The King through another race.
Light Mario: Team number two in the remix category is Susan and Larry Koopa as Team Kisses.
Susan: Oh, Larry! This is exactly what we need to get together more often!
Larry: HELP ME! GET ME AWAY FROM HER!!!
Lemmy: Now we introduce the last six teams, all of them new or containing one previous contestant. Our first team is the evil Cackletta and Fawful, who are reusing the name Team Bean.
Cackletta: EEEEE-HE-HE-HE-HE!!! We will win this race hands down!
Fawful: That’s right, your evilness!
Lemmy: Our next team is a pair of great golfers; meet Neil and Ella as Team Golf.
Team Mario: Wait-
Team Cute: -a-
Team Cheat: -minute!
Team Queen: Who-
Team Princess: -are-
Team Bean: -you?
Neil: We appeared in Mario Golf: Advance Tour as the star characters.
Ella: So, technically, we’re Mario characters.
Lemmy: They’re right!
Teams Mario, Cute, Cheat, Queen, Princess, Kisses, and Bean: *sigh*
Lemmy: Our next team is Toad and Toadette, Toad’s girlfriend, as Team Toad.
Toad: Yee-hah! We are so going to win this!
Toadette: We make a great couple, Toad and me. We will win with love and power.
Light Mario: Next is Petey the Piranha Plant and King Boo as Team Sludge.
Petey Piranha: Oh, we are bad! Oh, we are bad!
King Boo: Maybe we shouldn’t have teamed up…
Lemmy: The next team is the famous tyrant and one of his sons, Bowser and Bowser Jr. as Team Koopa.
Bowser: I lost immediately in the first leg of the last race. I’M NOT GOING TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE!
Bowser Jr: This is the chance to finally prove to Dad we are winners.
Light Mario: Our last team is driving everyone ape!
Donkey Kong: Hey!
Light Mario: Sorry! Anyway, I introduce to you Donkey and Diddy Kong as Team Ape!
Donkey Kong: Yeah! Cool!
Diddy Kong: To prevent any confusion, he’s DK and I’m Diddy.
Lemmy: Okay, teams! We’ve explained most of the rules to you already, but we’ll repeat a few right now and repeat the rest during the race.
Light Mario: First of all, the race consists of thirteen legs, each one more difficult than the last. You will follow clues to boxes with Lemmy’s face on them. Inside is a clue for each of you.
Lemmy: At the end of each leg, you have to go to the pitstop. It is a checkpoint between each leg to give you a rest. You will leave for the next leg twelve hours from when you check in at the pitstop.
Light Mario: Another rule is no magic or machines of your creation can be used during the race. You have to do it like everyone else.
Team Bean: Drat!
Lemmy: The first clue for the first leg is one hundred yards behind you.
Light Mario: Now that we got past that, any questions?
Wario: Can we steal someone’s money and clues, or tie them up?
Lemmy: Um… Let me think… NO!
Wario: DRAT! (drops coils of rope)
Light Mario: Any other, more reasonable, questions?
Bowser: Can we go now?
Lemmy: NO! Not until I fire my wand!
Waluigi: Waah! Please don’t fire it at me!
Lemmy: WE WENT THROUGH THIS IN THE FIRST RACE!!!
Light Mario: Any questions? No? Okay! Ready…
Team Mario: Wait a minute!
Lemmy: Get set…
All Teams: WAIT!
Lemmy fires his wand.
Lemmy and Light Mario: GO!
The teams shuffle back and forth and eventually all wind up on the ground.
Light Mario: …Oy!
Lemmy: You'd better get going! Or should I reconsider not blasting you with my wand?
The teams quickly untangle themselves and run toward the first clue as Lemmy fires his first shot.
Lemmy: The race is on…
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