Bowser: Welcome back to Bowserís Apprentice! There are only three candidates remaining to be named my apprentice, so weíre getting really close to the end! For these final two episodes, weíre having a format change. Instead of the candidates working together, theyíre going to have to compete against each other in the challenges that I choose for them. Of course, if they actually start beating up on each other, thatís more likely to get them fired than hired. Here they come!
Tubba Blubba, Fiery, and Panser come into Bowserís Castle, pushing and shoving each other.
Bowser: Youíre so close to actually getting hired, and youíre going to start acting like children?
Roy: Is that an insult to Larry and I?
Bowser: Yes, it is, in fact!
Roy: Well, just making sureÖ
Bowser: Anyway, itís time for me to explain the challenge. You three will be on top of my castle for two hours, and your goal is to look the best up there, making sure you climb back up a ladder if you fall off.
Fiery: Well, thatís easy! No one can beat my good looks!
Bowser: Not in that way! If you keep on falling off and having to climb back up, you wonít get a lot of points in my book.
Panser: But I donít understand. Why would we fall off your castle?
Tubba Blubba: What does this have to do with being your apprentice, anyway?
Bowser: All right, Iíll spoil the secret. This is basically a Super Smash Bros. challenge, as Iíll have all sorts of characters bothering you while youíre up there, and youíll have to fight them off to stay up there. If you knock each other off or beat each other up, Iím not going to be happy. Nor will I be happy with someone who gets knocked off once but then takes his time climbing back up the ladder to the top of the castle, in order to be knocked off less times than someone else.
Fiery: This doesnít sound too fun anymore.
Bowser: You thought this was going to be fun? Ha!
Panser: What about your ďeyes and earsĒ?
Bowser: I have plans for Roy and Larry. Donít worry about themÖ Hahaha!
Tubba Blubba: Uh ohÖ
Bowser: Jump in that warp pipe! Get going!
Fiery: Wait! Wait! What about our team name, and our team leader?
Bowser: Youíre not a team from now on, so you donít need a team name or a team leader!
Fiery: OhÖ right!
Bowser: Right! Now get going!
The players jump into the warp pipe. They come out on top of Bowserís Castle, finding a few Shy Guys pushing them.
Tubba Blubba: Go away!
Tubba Blubba throws the Shy Guys off the castle.
Fiery: That was it?
Panser: Well, just sit up here and wait out the next two hours-
Tubba Blubba: Fiery got knocked off the castle by a Thwomp!
Panser: Good! Now I donít have to worry about him!
Tubba Blubba: Oh, come on, help him out!
Panser: He wouldnít help me if I got-
Whack! A Pokey swings himself at Panser and knocks him off the castle. Tubba Blubba then realizes that the characters are being dropped from an overhead airship, as he sees Ludwig tossing several Goombas towards him.
Tubba Blubba: These are no problem!
Tubba Blubba knocks off the Goombas with no trouble at all. Meanwhile, Fiery and Panser fight with each other over who gets to climb up the ladder first.
Fiery: I was down here first!
Panser: So what? Let me go!
Fiery: Donít make me hurt you!
Panser: Iíd like to see you try- Wait, maybe I donít. Go ahead up there!
Fiery starts climbing the ladder, but starts to have some trouble climbing the higher he climbs.
Fiery: Oh no.
Panser: You should have let me go first!
Panser shakes the ladder, making Fiery lose his balance and fall off the ladder- right onto Panser!
Fiery: Youíre going to get us both fired!
Panser: What can we do?
Fiery: Get on up there and weíll gang up on Tubba Blubba!
Panser: Bowser wonít let us!
Fiery: He wonít let us beat up on him, but he wonít mind if we force him to deal with all the characters while we sort of lure them towards Tubba.
Panser: Good thinkingÖ Letís go back on up.
Fiery and Panser climb up the ladder one at a time, finding Tubba Blubba being bombarded by Bob-ombs.
Fiery: Bad timing!
Tubba Blubba goes flying, while Fiery and Panser are able to stay up on top of the castle, due to the fact that they were far enough from the blast.
Fiery: Well, that took care of him!
A Goomba hits Fiery in the nose.
Fiery: What was that for?
Panser: I didnít throw that!
Tubba Blubba (from the ground): Iíve got more from where that came from!
Fiery: Throw it back!
Panser: NoÖ Bowser will not be pleased.
Fiery: Thatís right; Iíll be working for Bowser soon enough.
Panser: What do you mean, youíll be working for Bowser? Iím going to be Bowserís apprentice!
Koopa Troopa shells slide right into the arguing Fiery and Panser, who only barely stay on the castle, finding an angry Tubba Blubba climbing up the ladder.
Tubba Blubba: If you want to get rid of me, youíre going to have to do better than that!
Fiery: What are you going to do?
Tubba Blubba: Iím going to- well, Iíll think about it, and when I come up with an answer, Iíll tell you!
Tubba Blubba sits down, thinking. He is deep in thought when something of extremely heavy weight lands on Bowserís Castleís roof.
Roy: Iím not that heavy!
Fiery: Roy! Is it over?
Roy: Are you kidding? Iím here to fight you!
Fiery: Just me, or all of us?
Roy: Well, after I knock you off this place, then Iíll choose whether I want Tubba or Panser knocked off next.
Fiery: Ooh, Roy wants to fight! Letís go!
Roy trades punches with Fiery, before Fiery starts fireballing Roy. Then Roy resorts to stomping on the roof of the castle, making Fiery freeze. He then grabs the Fire Brother and rushes towards the edge of the castle.
Panser: Not so fast, fat boy!
Roy: Hey, Iím taking care of your nemesis! And if you dare to attack me, Iíll toss you off next! So donít you dare-
Panser fireballs Roy right in the stomach. Roy drops Fiery, who then pushes the Koopaling off the castle.
Fiery: What was that for? You helped me out!
Panser: That was to get me hired! Bowser will see what a good teammate I am, and heíll hire me for sure!
Tubba Blubba: Weíre not a team anymore, remember! Iím going to be hired instead of one of you two!
The arguing players give Ludwig a chance to drop a ton of minions on Bowserís Castleís roof.
Fiery: Not Spinies again!
Panser: Spinies are bad enough, but these Hot Feet are worse!
Tubba Blubba: Iím allergic to Hoopsters!
Roy, meanwhile, climbs up the ladder.
Roy: This time, it wonít be so pretty!
Roy rushes towards Fiery, who is fending off some Flurries. Roy tackles the unsuspecting Fire Brother to the ground.
Fiery: Now look what you did! You knocked that poor Goomba off the castle!
Roy: AwÖ Why donít you go down and help him back up?
Roy pushes Fiery towards the edge of the roof. An object falls from Ludwigís airship and hits Fiery, halting him from taking a plunge.
Fiery: Whatís thisÖ a baseball bat?
Roy: Uh oh.
Fiery: HmmmÖ I remember what you do with baseball batsÖ
Roy: Oh no! Give me an item, Ludwig!
Ludwig tosses down a Pokeball.
Roy tosses the Pokeball. Out comes a fish that flops around uselessly.
Roy: Oh boy.
Fiery: It doesnít take steroids to hit a home run with this bat!
Tubba Blubba: Thatís because youíre using a corked bat!
Tubba Blubba: Look at what it says on that bat!
Fiery: ďFilled with 100% Pure Cork.Ē So what?
Tubba Blubba: So you cheated!
Fiery: This isnít about official baseball rules; this is about survival!
While Tubba Blubba and Fiery argue, Panser is fighting off many minions. He finally breaks free of them, running towards the arguing players.
Panser: Whatís going on?
Tubba Blubba: He used a corked bat!
Fiery: So what?
Tubba Blubba: Thatís cheating!
Panser: Uh, losers-
Fiery: Whatís wrong with cork?
Tubba Blubba: It makes your bat easier to swing!
Fiery: So what? There are no rules against it in the game weíre playing!
Tubba Blubba: Thatís what you think!
Panser: Um, moronsÖ
The three players see that Ludwigís airship has landed, and Ludwig is creeping over to them with a gigantic magic wand.
Ludwig: I shall blast you three from here to Water Land!
Fiery: Oh, anywhere but there!
Ludwig: Too bad!
Larry: Timeís up! Your magic wandís power is gone, and itís time for these three to head to Bowserís meeting room!
Larry: Letís go! Not you, Ludwig!
Ludwig: But I want to come!
Larry: How about this. You pay me thirty coins, and you get the right to get off this castle roof.
Ludwig: HmmmÖ okay!
Larry: Who says heís the brains of this family? Now get going!
Bowserís Meeting Room
Bowser is sitting in that throne of his, with a bruised and beaten-up Roy sitting on one side of him, and Larry on the other. The players are still sitting in those low-quality seats, as usual.
Bowser: This morning, I was trying to enjoy my favorite television program, when-
Roy: Here we go.
Fiery: What does this have to do with our meeting?
Bowser: Donít worry, Iím getting there! Anyway, I was going to watch that awesome show known as ďThe Big Bertha HourĒ, when Roy comes over and changes the channel to some stupid sports program!
Roy: It was the Koopa Hockey League highlights!
Bowser: Anyway, Iíve been angry at Roy ever since, but you made my day, Fiery, by smashing the idiot with that baseball bat. And Panser, Iím glad you helped Fiery push him off the first time. Now my anger with Roy is gone, as Iím happy with what you two did.
Tubba Blubba: What about me?
Bowser: Donít worry, Tubba, that wasnít enough to get you fired. That was merely enough to get me no longer mad at Roy.
Tubba Blubba: Good.
Bowser: But since Iím no longer mad at Roy, now I can be mad at you!
Tubba Blubba: Bad.
Bowser: Overall, I think you all were even when it came to staying up on the roof. Certainly I think Fiery did the best job in knocking off his foes, mainly Roy. But there is something that I want to bring up. Itís Tubba Blubbaís throwing that Goomba at Fiery, after I said that I did not want any of you to beat up on each other.
Tubba Blubba: But that was only a Goomba!
Bowser: It may only have been a Goomba, but what if I ask you to go on a secret mission, and you tell one Toad about it? That Toad tells another Toad, and soon every Toad in Toad Town knows about it, and then the entire Mushroom Kingdom knows. One little mistake, one small slip-up, one step over the line- that can ruin everything, Tubba.
Tubba Blubba: But what about these two?
Bowser: Who do you want fired, Fiery?
Fiery: Tubba Blubba.
Bowser: And who do you want fired, Panser?
Panser: Tubba Blubba.
Bowser: So, Tubba, take your pick.
Tubba Blubba: Fire Panser!
Bowser: Well, congratulations, Tubba Blubba.
Tubba Blubba: Iím not fired!
Bowser: Wrong. Youíre fired. Iím just congratulating you on making it all the way to third place, despite your early ousting. It was a nice comeback, but itís over now. Fiery and Panser, you may leave.
Fiery and Panser exit out the usual warp pipe.
Bowser: And now, Tubba, you know where youíre going, for the next year, at least.
Tubba Blubba: Oh, come on, shouldnít I be the exception?
Bowser: Well, I could make an exceptionÖ
Tubba Blubba: Yes!
Bowser: Maybe you should get a decade in the dungeon instead!
Tubba Blubba: No!
Bowser: A year, at least, it is, then. Take him away, Roy!
Roy takes Tubba Blubba to his dungeon cell.
Bowser: Weíre down to two, Larry.
Larry: I think youíre going to get a very good apprentice out of this competition after all.
Bowser: I hope so. A reminder to all of you: please vote in Lemmyís Polls for who you want to be HIRED, not fired. If you mess up your voting, you could mess up my chances of finally taking over the Mushroom Kingdom, so be careful! HIRE someone this time, and Iíll see you all for the finale next time!