Bowser: Welcome to the finale of Bowser’s Apprentice! In case you forgot, I am Bowser Koopa, King of the Koopas, soon to be king of the Mushroom Kingdom, soon to be ruler of Plit-
Roy: All right, all right!
Bowser: Anyway, today we find out who will be my apprentice, and thus who will help me take over the Mushroom Kingdom. It’s Fiery from Desert Land versus Panser from Sub-con! Let’s bring them in here!
Fiery and Panser come walking in to a round of applause from Larry and booing from Roy.
Fiery: Jealous, Roy?
Roy: Shut up!
Bowser: So, you two are the only two left!
Panser: Thanks for stating the obvious.
Bowser: Want to be fired?
Panser: You aren’t firing anyone this episode! Ha!
Bowser: (mumbling) If I didn’t need an apprentice so bad, I’d fire all these idiots…
Fiery: So, what are we doing?
Roy: You’re standing here talking to Bowser!
Fiery: What are we doing for the challenge?
Bowser: In the most important challenge to determine my apprentice, you will do exactly what is necessary to prove your worth. Each one of you will go on a separate mission, with no contact with the other, as you will be competing with each other, but having no effect on the other’s performance. One of you will set out to kidnap Peach, while the other goes and tries to kidnap Daisy. You will be judged on how quiet you are about doing so, how efficiently you pull off the kidnapping, how much you need to fight to pull off the kidnapping, with less fighting being better, and how fast you pull it off.
Fiery: That’s all? Piece of cake!
Bowser: There’s more. I’ve done that many times, and how many times have I succeeded?
Panser: 0?
Bowser: Well, it’s more like -3, but that’s close enough. Anyway, you will then have to pull off the absolutely unthinkable. Mario and Luigi always find out about kidnappings, and they’re going to come after you. You will have to fight them, personally. I don’t care what it takes, but you’re going to have to defeat them. If that means assembling an army, do it. If that means making some trap, do it. If that means blowing up my castle-
Fiery: Do it?
Bowser: No. I’m making sure you get that right, because some others around here don’t know how to do that.
Roy: Oh, come on, it only happened once!
Bowser: So you’re going to have a real challenge on your hands. You are going to be completely on your own on this one. I have lots of Lakitus in hidden spots all over Plit ready to film this, so I don’t need Roy and Larry to follow you two around. This is an extremely dangerous challenge, and if you get captured by the Mario Bros, well, you can forget about the one million coin salary, that’s for sure. And if neither of you succeeds, I’m going to have a very tough time picking my apprentice, because you will both have proven yourselves to be unreliable. In that case, I may be so angry that I may do something unexpected, so you’d be best off not failing me.
Panser: Oh boy.
Bowser: And don’t expect me to bail you out if something goes wrong! In the past, I’ve figured out ways to help you out, but not this time! Now you’re on your own. You find the princess yourself, you capture her yourself, you fight off the plumbers yourself, or at least with minions that you’ve rounded up yourself. You aren’t going to be broken out of jail by me or by any of the Koopalings, if you get captured. If something goes wrong and you end up stuck somewhere for a long period of time, it’s going to be too bad for you. If one of you decides to quit the competition now, you will become the #1 most wanted minion on Plit, and I’ll send all sorts of troops after you if you give up. I’ll know if you give up, too, since I’ll have those Lakitus filming you. You’ve got yourself into this competition, and there’s no getting out now. It’s high risk, high reward, and right now, the risk is very, very high.
Fiery: Yikes.
Bowser: So, now that I’ve scared you 7/8 to death, there’s only one thing left to decide before you go, which is which princess you will go after. I know that there’s obviously a preference of princess, because Peach is an absolute weakling, while Daisy may just end up kicking your butt and capturing you. So, we’ll flip a coin. Heads, and Fiery gets his choice. Tails, and Panser gets his choice.
Bowser flips the coin.
Bowser: Heads!
Fiery: Peach!
Panser: Wait a minute… How can you tell which side is heads? Both sides are the same!
Bowser: Are you demanding something out of me?
Panser: Not really…
Bowser: Then heads it is! Get going!
Fiery and Panser each jump into a warp pipe.
Mushroom Kingdom
Fiery: Here’s Peach’s Castle… now I can only hope Peach is home.
Fiery walks up to the castle doors. Suddenly…
Wario: Get out of my way!
Yoshi: No!
Wario: Fine, then, here’s a Green Shell!
Wario and Yoshi crash their go-karts into the castle doors, as Fiery watches in bewilderment. They bounce off the doors harmlessly.
Fiery: What?
Wario: Hey, what do you expect? These doors don’t open while kart racing is going on!
Fiery: Stop your racing, then, so I can get in!
Yoshi: Yoshi and Wario got off-course in middle of race!
Wario: Peach and Toad lapped us some time ago.
Fiery: Peach?
Fiery jumps onto Wario’s kart.
Wario: What are you doing?
Fiery: Take me to Peach!
Wario: Or what?
Fiery: Or I’ll fireball you!
ZOOM!
Wario speeds away in his kart. Fiery goes flying off the kart into the castle moat. Yoshi tosses a Banana peel at Fiery for good measure, then leaves as well.
Fiery: I hope none of those Lakitus saw that…
Lakitu: How’s it going?
Fiery: Get out of here!
Sarasaland
Panser: That palace over there, I assume, would be where Daisy would be.
Panser heads off towards the castle, seeing many strange-looking characters on his way.
Panser: Snakes that shoot stuff out of their mouths? I wish there were some of those in Sub-con.
Panser reaches the castle, when Daisy opens the door to him.
Daisy: Are you joining my army?
Panser: Army?
Daisy: Come on in… and leave that Lakitu outside.
Panser follows Daisy into the castle, not knowing that there are multiple Lakitus already waiting inside the castle.
Daisy: I am about to declare war on someone who I can’t stand, someone who I would love to destroy, to be off the throne, and out of the castle, and someone whose place I would take.
Panser: Peach?
Daisy: Oh, I can get to her later. No, I’m talking about Bowser. I’m about to launch a huge attack on Bowser, and Luigi already has an insider group that is actually inside Castle Koopa ready to take over Bowser’s throne. I know you’re in charge of that SURF thing, and I’d love for you to help me out by using your SURF members in my army.
Panser: Have you been watching TV lately?
Daisy: Yes, and I understand that your hockey team is the #1-seeded team in the playoffs, but that’s insignificant to me right now. If you help me out, I will reward you greatly.
Panser: More than 1,000,000 coins?
Daisy: If we get into Bowser’s safe, sure!
Panser: All right, you’ve got a deal.
Castle Koopa
Bowser: Either Panser’s really smart or really stupid. It’s very possible that he’s going to trap Daisy, and it’s also very possible that he’ll try to betray me, but I’ll be prepared. Roy, go check the dungeon, because that’s where the Mario Bros. always manage to sneak in these days.
Roy: Sure thing.
Roy walks down to the dungeon, finding Luigi and the ten formerly fired players standing there, out of their cells, about to pounce on him.
Luigi: Hands-a up!
Roy: What did I do?
Luigi: You-a locked up these guys, and they’re-a not happy with your-a father!
Roy: Wait a minute… How did you get them out of their cells?
Luigi: You-a are so stupid to put your-a keys in a place where everyone can-a see them!
Tubba Blubba: And we’ve got a score to settle with you, buddy!
Roy: Oh boy.
Luigi locks Roy up in a dungeon cell, while the ten formerly fired players join Luigi in a march up to Bowser’s throne room.
Royal Raceway
Fiery is walking on the racetrack, hoping that he’ll find the racers, who are far ahead of him at the moment. Suddenly, a kart bumps into him, sending him flying.
Fiery: Who was that?
Peach: Peachy!
Fiery: That’s her!
Fiery sends fireballs at Peach. One hits her kart and spins her out. Toad comes speeding past her to cross the finish line first.
Waluigi (the racetrack announcer): Toad finishes-a first!
Peach: I’ll get you, Fire Brother!
Waluigi: Peach finishes-a second!
Peach drives over towards Fiery, who starts spitting fireballs furiously at Peach. Peach spins out again, but shoots a Red Shell right at the helpless Fire Brother.
Fiery: Why you-
Peach: Goodbye!
Fiery burns one of Peach’s tires, slowing her down enough that he can jump on the kart. Just then, Mario comes crashing into Peach’s kart.
Waluigi: Mario finishes-a third!
Mario: No one-a tries to marry my Peach!
Fiery: I’d never marry that ugly princess!
Mario: What-a was that?
Fiery: Um-
WHACK!
Sarasaland
Panser is on the phone with Snifit, a key SURF member who is currently holding a SURF meeting in Sub-con.
Panser: Yes, get as many Shy Guys as you can… those guys are versatile, and they’re common. Round up as many Snifits as possible… Ooh, I can see the coins already- and we’ll be in power, over Bowser!
Snifit: Hey, don’t get too cocky! Besides, I’m doing most of the work over here in Sub-con… Are you sure you want to do this?
Panser: Look, loser, if you want to be fired from SURF, then let someone else do this job for me. But if you want to keep your job and earn a little extra when we kick out Bowser, then get those guys headed to Dark Land as quickly as possible!
Snifit: All right, all right!
Daisy: Well?
Panser: Yeah, they’re coming.
Daisy: Good. You realize that you’d better not fail me, buddy, don’t you?
Panser: I won’t fail you… and even if so, what are you going to do about it?
Daisy: There’s a lot of water around here…
Panser: All right, all right! Are we going to Dark Land yet?
Daisy: Yes!
Daisy and Panser head towards a warp pipe that leads to the border of Dark Land.
Castle Koopa
Bowser is being charged by the players he fired.
King Boo: You’re fired now, Bowser!
Petey Piranha: I hope you enjoyed your run of fun, but now we’re running the show around here!
Bowser starts laughing.
Bowser: Are you serious? These are the same idiots I fired that are trying to take over my show? Please!
Chargin’ Chuck: We’re taking over your kingdom!
Bowser is gagging with laughter.
Bowser: You guys failed in mission after mission, and you think you could take over my kingdom? You couldn’t capture a Micro-Goomba!
Sumo: I’ll be taking Larry to the dungeon now.
Bowser: Sure- what?!
Larry: King Dad! This is serious!
Bowser: Okay, now you want to feel the power of Bowser? No one’s seen it for a while, but I’m about to show you all why no one besides Mario can ever take down Bowser!
Just then, dozens of Sub-con characters come crashing through doors and jumping through warp pipes.
Bowser: Okay, so maybe hundreds of you can…
Peach’s Castle
Peach: The poor guy… There was no need for that, Mario!
Mario: He-a called you ugly!
Peach: He can’t help it that the Nintendo animators have ruined my image! Now he’s in a lot of pain from your punch!
Mario: Oh, fine, give-a him a 1-Up Mushroom. My last one, too!
Peach: Here you go, Fire Brother.
Fiery eats the 1-Up Mushroom.
Fiery: Peach… Will you marry me?
Mario: You two do-a have something for-a each other! Fine-a! I-a don’t care! Goodbye!
Peach: That plumber’s so confused… Now you make sure you don’t get brainwashed by that bad Bowser!
Fiery: That bad Bowser… That bad Bowser?! Wait a minute, now I remember! I’m supposed to try to capture you!
Peach: Too bad for you that Mario always saves me! Mario! Mario!
Fiery grabs Peach and charges out of Peach’s Castle. Mario just watches Fiery go by and jump in a warp pipe to Castle Koopa.
Mario: I’ve-a had enough with Peach. She-a won’t marry me, so I-a won’t save her anymore.
Castle Koopa
Panser and Daisy have arrived at Castle Koopa, where Bowser is surrounded by SURF members and former fired players. Luigi and Daisy congratulate each other, while Panser looks smug. (He has no idea that the “insider” group of former fired players was actually locked up in the dungeon beforehand.)
Bowser: Et tu, Panser?
Panser just shrugs his leaves.
Daisy: All right, all Sub-con characters out!
Panser: But-
Daisy: No buts about it, Panser! You were dumb enough to buy into my deal, and now it’s over for you and your pals!
Panser: We can easily take you down!
Tubba Blubba starts stuffing Shy Guys into warp pipes, while Chargin’ Chuck bowls over lines of Snifits. The former fired players are have much more strength than the Sub-con characters, who are without their bosses such as Triclyde, Fry Guy, Clawgrip, Mouser, and Wart. After putting up minimal resistance, eventually all but Panser are tossed into warp pipes.
Daisy: So, Panser, what are you going to do now?
Panser looks at the former fired players, then at his puny leaves.
Panser: Let’s go to the dungeon.
Daisy: Come on, Luigi, let’s take this guy to his cell. The rest of you watch Bowser until I get back!
As Daisy, Luigi, and Panser walk to the dungeon, Bowser smiles at the former fired players.
Chibobo: What’s that smile for?
Bowser: That’s the type of decision I’m looking for in my apprentice.
Koopa Troopa: Come again?
Bowser: Around Luigi, you guys have confidence, but when I’m the only one around, you guys are scared to death of me.
Tubba Blubba: That’s not true!
Bowser then breathes fire on the firees, who start screaming in fear. Bowser chases them around his throne room while they try to escape. Bowser pushes a button on his throne, locking all the warp pipes, doors, and windows to his castle.
Bowser: Now are you still Luigi fans, or would you like to quit your alliance with him?
Croco: We quit!
Tubba Blubba: I don’t! I never go down without a fight!
Bowser: Then down you will go!
Bowser grabs Tubba Blubba and throws him down the stairs towards the dungeon. The other characters run after Tubba Blubba in fear.
Bowser: Those idiots are too scared to fight me!
Bowser pushes the button to unlock all the warp pipes, doors, and windows to his castle, just in time for Fiery to arrive with Peach.
Bowser: Are you and Peach trying to take over my throne, like a couple of others were earlier today?
Fiery: Uh… no…
Bowser: If I was stupid, I’d trust you, but after all that’s gone on today, I’m going to be paying very close attention to you.
Just then, Panser comes marching up to the throne room with Roy and Larry.
Bowser: Panser?
Panser: Yes, it’s me.
Roy: Those fired idiots turned on Luigi and Daisy and locked them up in a cell.
Larry: Then, Panser took the keys off one of them to unlock Roy and I, and we promptly locked up those fired losers.
Panser: So here I am, with Luigi and Daisy locked up, and ready for my million coin salary.
Fiery: Hold on! I’ve got Peach here, and Mario refuses to save her!
Mario comes in through a warp pipe, holding a Fire Flower.
Peach: I’m sorry, Mario!
Mario: I’m-a sorry, Peach!
Fiery: How romantic.
Mario then blasts fireballs at Fiery, who drops Peach. Mario then jumps back out the warp pipe with Peach, leaving Fiery feeling quite hot.
Fiery: What happened?
Bowser: Panser just got hired.
Fiery: How?!
Bowser: Panser tricked Daisy into believing that he was going to help her take over my kingdom. He sent for a bunch of Sub-con characters, who he planned on helping him turn on Daisy. They were to first pretend to attack me, however, in order to trick Daisy. His plan was then to capture Daisy with their help, but his plan got thrown off by the firees’ counterattack. However, he realized that only when Luigi was around would the firees be aggressive towards me, so he had Luigi and Daisy take him to the dungeon. He then knew that I wouldn’t sit there and allow my kingdom to be taken over, so I would attack the firees. It turned out that I inadvertently helped him escape and actually capture Luigi and Daisy while recapturing the firees. Meanwhile, you just let Peach escape from your grasp. I think we have a winner! Panser, you’re hired! The apprentice job and its one-million-coin salary are yours!
Panser: Thank you, thank you!
Fiery: That’s not fair!
Bowser: And by the way, Fiery, if you can’t even put up the least bit of resistance to Mario in a situation where he just walks up to you, fireballs you, and takes Peach away, there’s no way you’d survive in a big-time scenario as my apprentice. I’d like you to join those other fired losers in the dungeon, where you will stay for a year- at least.
Fiery: No!
Bowser: Yes! Roy, take him away!
Roy takes Fiery to his dungeon cell.
Bowser: Well, Panser, I never knew you were so brilliant!
Panser: Yeah, well, I never knew it either.
Bowser: So after all of this time, Panser gets hired as my apprentice, and he will earn his 1,000,000-coin salary doing all sorts of big tasks, including helping me take over the Mushroom Kingdom! He has proven to me that he can handle such big-time things, and he can certainly take control of important projects for me. He will help me make Koopas eventually wipe out the Mushrooms, and we will capture Peach and Mario for good! There is a promising future for us Koopas, and I’m proud to say that Panser will be part of it! That’s all for Bowser’s Apprentice, and congratulations again to our champion, Panser!
Read on!
Find out how Panser fares as Bowser's
Apprentice!