Bowser: Welcome to the finale of Bowserís Apprentice! In case you forgot, I am Bowser Koopa, King of the Koopas, soon to be king of the Mushroom Kingdom, soon to be ruler of Plit-
Roy: All right, all right!
Bowser: Anyway, today we find out who will be my apprentice, and thus who will help me take over the Mushroom Kingdom. Itís Fiery from Desert Land versus Panser from Sub-con! Letís bring them in here!
Fiery and Panser come walking in to a round of applause from Larry and booing from Roy.
Fiery: Jealous, Roy?
Roy: Shut up!
Bowser: So, you two are the only two left!
Panser: Thanks for stating the obvious.
Bowser: Want to be fired?
Panser: You arenít firing anyone this episode! Ha!
Bowser: (mumbling) If I didnít need an apprentice so bad, Iíd fire all these idiotsÖ
Fiery: So, what are we doing?
Roy: Youíre standing here talking to Bowser!
Fiery: What are we doing for the challenge?
Bowser: In the most important challenge to determine my apprentice, you will do exactly what is necessary to prove your worth. Each one of you will go on a separate mission, with no contact with the other, as you will be competing with each other, but having no effect on the otherís performance. One of you will set out to kidnap Peach, while the other goes and tries to kidnap Daisy. You will be judged on how quiet you are about doing so, how efficiently you pull off the kidnapping, how much you need to fight to pull off the kidnapping, with less fighting being better, and how fast you pull it off.
Fiery: Thatís all? Piece of cake!
Bowser: Thereís more. Iíve done that many times, and how many times have I succeeded?
Bowser: Well, itís more like -3, but thatís close enough. Anyway, you will then have to pull off the absolutely unthinkable. Mario and Luigi always find out about kidnappings, and theyíre going to come after you. You will have to fight them, personally. I donít care what it takes, but youíre going to have to defeat them. If that means assembling an army, do it. If that means making some trap, do it. If that means blowing up my castle-
Fiery: Do it?
Bowser: No. Iím making sure you get that right, because some others around here donít know how to do that.
Roy: Oh, come on, it only happened once!
Bowser: So youíre going to have a real challenge on your hands. You are going to be completely on your own on this one. I have lots of Lakitus in hidden spots all over Plit ready to film this, so I donít need Roy and Larry to follow you two around. This is an extremely dangerous challenge, and if you get captured by the Mario Bros, well, you can forget about the one million coin salary, thatís for sure. And if neither of you succeeds, Iím going to have a very tough time picking my apprentice, because you will both have proven yourselves to be unreliable. In that case, I may be so angry that I may do something unexpected, so youíd be best off not failing me.
Panser: Oh boy.
Bowser: And donít expect me to bail you out if something goes wrong! In the past, Iíve figured out ways to help you out, but not this time! Now youíre on your own. You find the princess yourself, you capture her yourself, you fight off the plumbers yourself, or at least with minions that youíve rounded up yourself. You arenít going to be broken out of jail by me or by any of the Koopalings, if you get captured. If something goes wrong and you end up stuck somewhere for a long period of time, itís going to be too bad for you. If one of you decides to quit the competition now, you will become the #1 most wanted minion on Plit, and Iíll send all sorts of troops after you if you give up. Iíll know if you give up, too, since Iíll have those Lakitus filming you. Youíve got yourself into this competition, and thereís no getting out now. Itís high risk, high reward, and right now, the risk is very, very high.
Bowser: So, now that Iíve scared you 7/8 to death, thereís only one thing left to decide before you go, which is which princess you will go after. I know that thereís obviously a preference of princess, because Peach is an absolute weakling, while Daisy may just end up kicking your butt and capturing you. So, weíll flip a coin. Heads, and Fiery gets his choice. Tails, and Panser gets his choice.
Bowser flips the coin.
Panser: Wait a minuteÖ How can you tell which side is heads? Both sides are the same!
Bowser: Are you demanding something out of me?
Panser: Not reallyÖ
Bowser: Then heads it is! Get going!
Fiery and Panser each jump into a warp pipe.
Fiery: Hereís Peachís CastleÖ now I can only hope Peach is home.
Fiery walks up to the castle doors. SuddenlyÖ
Wario: Get out of my way!
Wario: Fine, then, hereís a Green Shell!
Wario and Yoshi crash their go-karts into the castle doors, as Fiery watches in bewilderment. They bounce off the doors harmlessly.
Wario: Hey, what do you expect? These doors donít open while kart racing is going on!
Fiery: Stop your racing, then, so I can get in!
Yoshi: Yoshi and Wario got off-course in middle of race!
Wario: Peach and Toad lapped us some time ago.
Fiery jumps onto Warioís kart.
Wario: What are you doing?
Fiery: Take me to Peach!
Wario: Or what?
Fiery: Or Iíll fireball you!
Wario speeds away in his kart. Fiery goes flying off the kart into the castle moat. Yoshi tosses a Banana peel at Fiery for good measure, then leaves as well.
Fiery: I hope none of those Lakitus saw thatÖ
Lakitu: Howís it going?
Fiery: Get out of here!
Panser: That palace over there, I assume, would be where Daisy would be.
Panser heads off towards the castle, seeing many strange-looking characters on his way.
Panser: Snakes that shoot stuff out of their mouths? I wish there were some of those in Sub-con.
Panser reaches the castle, when Daisy opens the door to him.
Daisy: Are you joining my army?
Daisy: Come on inÖ and leave that Lakitu outside.
Panser follows Daisy into the castle, not knowing that there are multiple Lakitus already waiting inside the castle.
Daisy: I am about to declare war on someone who I canít stand, someone who I would love to destroy, to be off the throne, and out of the castle, and someone whose place I would take.
Daisy: Oh, I can get to her later. No, Iím talking about Bowser. Iím about to launch a huge attack on Bowser, and Luigi already has an insider group that is actually inside Castle Koopa ready to take over Bowserís throne. I know youíre in charge of that SURF thing, and Iíd love for you to help me out by using your SURF members in my army.
Panser: Have you been watching TV lately?
Daisy: Yes, and I understand that your hockey team is the #1-seeded team in the playoffs, but thatís insignificant to me right now. If you help me out, I will reward you greatly.
Panser: More than 1,000,000 coins?
Daisy: If we get into Bowserís safe, sure!
Panser: All right, youíve got a deal.
Bowser: Either Panserís really smart or really stupid. Itís very possible that heís going to trap Daisy, and itís also very possible that heíll try to betray me, but Iíll be prepared. Roy, go check the dungeon, because thatís where the Mario Bros. always manage to sneak in these days.
Roy: Sure thing.
Roy walks down to the dungeon, finding Luigi and the ten formerly fired players standing there, out of their cells, about to pounce on him.
Luigi: Hands-a up!
Roy: What did I do?
Luigi: You-a locked up these guys, and theyíre-a not happy with your-a father!
Roy: Wait a minuteÖ How did you get them out of their cells?
Luigi: You-a are so stupid to put your-a keys in a place where everyone can-a see them!
Tubba Blubba: And weíve got a score to settle with you, buddy!
Roy: Oh boy.
Luigi locks Roy up in a dungeon cell, while the ten formerly fired players join Luigi in a march up to Bowserís throne room.
Fiery is walking on the racetrack, hoping that heíll find the racers, who are far ahead of him at the moment. Suddenly, a kart bumps into him, sending him flying.
Fiery: Who was that?
Fiery: Thatís her!
Fiery sends fireballs at Peach. One hits her kart and spins her out. Toad comes speeding past her to cross the finish line first.
Waluigi (the racetrack announcer): Toad finishes-a first!
Peach: Iíll get you, Fire Brother!
Waluigi: Peach finishes-a second!
Peach drives over towards Fiery, who starts spitting fireballs furiously at Peach. Peach spins out again, but shoots a Red Shell right at the helpless Fire Brother.
Fiery: Why you-
Fiery burns one of Peachís tires, slowing her down enough that he can jump on the kart. Just then, Mario comes crashing into Peachís kart.
Waluigi: Mario finishes-a third!
Mario: No one-a tries to marry my Peach!
Fiery: Iíd never marry that ugly princess!
Mario: What-a was that?
Panser is on the phone with Snifit, a key SURF member who is currently holding a SURF meeting in Sub-con.
Panser: Yes, get as many Shy Guys as you canÖ those guys are versatile, and theyíre common. Round up as many Snifits as possibleÖ Ooh, I can see the coins already- and weíll be in power, over Bowser!
Snifit: Hey, donít get too cocky! Besides, Iím doing most of the work over here in Sub-conÖ Are you sure you want to do this?
Panser: Look, loser, if you want to be fired from SURF, then let someone else do this job for me. But if you want to keep your job and earn a little extra when we kick out Bowser, then get those guys headed to Dark Land as quickly as possible!
Snifit: All right, all right!
Panser: Yeah, theyíre coming.
Daisy: Good. You realize that youíd better not fail me, buddy, donít you?
Panser: I wonít fail youÖ and even if so, what are you going to do about it?
Daisy: Thereís a lot of water around hereÖ
Panser: All right, all right! Are we going to Dark Land yet?
Daisy and Panser head towards a warp pipe that leads to the border of Dark Land.
Bowser is being charged by the players he fired.
King Boo: Youíre fired now, Bowser!
Petey Piranha: I hope you enjoyed your run of fun, but now weíre running the show around here!
Bowser starts laughing.
Bowser: Are you serious? These are the same idiots I fired that are trying to take over my show? Please!
Charginí Chuck: Weíre taking over your kingdom!
Bowser is gagging with laughter.
Bowser: You guys failed in mission after mission, and you think you could take over my kingdom? You couldnít capture a Micro-Goomba!
Sumo: Iíll be taking Larry to the dungeon now.
Bowser: Sure- what?!
Larry: King Dad! This is serious!
Bowser: Okay, now you want to feel the power of Bowser? No oneís seen it for a while, but Iím about to show you all why no one besides Mario can ever take down Bowser!
Just then, dozens of Sub-con characters come crashing through doors and jumping through warp pipes.
Bowser: Okay, so maybe hundreds of you canÖ
Peach: The poor guyÖ There was no need for that, Mario!
Mario: He-a called you ugly!
Peach: He canít help it that the Nintendo animators have ruined my image! Now heís in a lot of pain from your punch!
Mario: Oh, fine, give-a him a 1-Up Mushroom. My last one, too!
Peach: Here you go, Fire Brother.
Fiery eats the 1-Up Mushroom.
Fiery: PeachÖ Will you marry me?
Mario: You two do-a have something for-a each other! Fine-a! I-a donít care! Goodbye!
Peach: That plumberís so confusedÖ Now you make sure you donít get brainwashed by that bad Bowser!
Fiery: That bad BowserÖ That bad Bowser?! Wait a minute, now I remember! Iím supposed to try to capture you!
Peach: Too bad for you that Mario always saves me! Mario! Mario!
Fiery grabs Peach and charges out of Peachís Castle. Mario just watches Fiery go by and jump in a warp pipe to Castle Koopa.
Mario: Iíve-a had enough with Peach. She-a wonít marry me, so I-a wonít save her anymore.
Panser and Daisy have arrived at Castle Koopa, where Bowser is surrounded by SURF members and former fired players. Luigi and Daisy congratulate each other, while Panser looks smug. (He has no idea that the ďinsiderĒ group of former fired players was actually locked up in the dungeon beforehand.)
Bowser: Et tu, Panser?
Panser just shrugs his leaves.
Daisy: All right, all Sub-con characters out!
Daisy: No buts about it, Panser! You were dumb enough to buy into my deal, and now itís over for you and your pals!
Panser: We can easily take you down!
Tubba Blubba starts stuffing Shy Guys into warp pipes, while Charginí Chuck bowls over lines of Snifits. The former fired players are have much more strength than the Sub-con characters, who are without their bosses such as Triclyde, Fry Guy, Clawgrip, Mouser, and Wart. After putting up minimal resistance, eventually all but Panser are tossed into warp pipes.
Daisy: So, Panser, what are you going to do now?
Panser looks at the former fired players, then at his puny leaves.
Panser: Letís go to the dungeon.
Daisy: Come on, Luigi, letís take this guy to his cell. The rest of you watch Bowser until I get back!
As Daisy, Luigi, and Panser walk to the dungeon, Bowser smiles at the former fired players.
Chibobo: Whatís that smile for?
Bowser: Thatís the type of decision Iím looking for in my apprentice.
Koopa Troopa: Come again?
Bowser: Around Luigi, you guys have confidence, but when Iím the only one around, you guys are scared to death of me.
Tubba Blubba: Thatís not true!
Bowser then breathes fire on the firees, who start screaming in fear. Bowser chases them around his throne room while they try to escape. Bowser pushes a button on his throne, locking all the warp pipes, doors, and windows to his castle.
Bowser: Now are you still Luigi fans, or would you like to quit your alliance with him?
Croco: We quit!
Tubba Blubba: I donít! I never go down without a fight!
Bowser: Then down you will go!
Bowser grabs Tubba Blubba and throws him down the stairs towards the dungeon. The other characters run after Tubba Blubba in fear.
Bowser: Those idiots are too scared to fight me!
Bowser pushes the button to unlock all the warp pipes, doors, and windows to his castle, just in time for Fiery to arrive with Peach.
Bowser: Are you and Peach trying to take over my throne, like a couple of others were earlier today?
Fiery: UhÖ noÖ
Bowser: If I was stupid, Iíd trust you, but after all thatís gone on today, Iím going to be paying very close attention to you.
Just then, Panser comes marching up to the throne room with Roy and Larry.
Panser: Yes, itís me.
Roy: Those fired idiots turned on Luigi and Daisy and locked them up in a cell.
Larry: Then, Panser took the keys off one of them to unlock Roy and I, and we promptly locked up those fired losers.
Panser: So here I am, with Luigi and Daisy locked up, and ready for my million coin salary.
Fiery: Hold on! Iíve got Peach here, and Mario refuses to save her!
Mario comes in through a warp pipe, holding a Fire Flower.
Peach: Iím sorry, Mario!
Mario: Iím-a sorry, Peach!
Fiery: How romantic.
Mario then blasts fireballs at Fiery, who drops Peach. Mario then jumps back out the warp pipe with Peach, leaving Fiery feeling quite hot.
Fiery: What happened?
Bowser: Panser just got hired.
Bowser: Panser tricked Daisy into believing that he was going to help her take over my kingdom. He sent for a bunch of Sub-con characters, who he planned on helping him turn on Daisy. They were to first pretend to attack me, however, in order to trick Daisy. His plan was then to capture Daisy with their help, but his plan got thrown off by the fireesí counterattack. However, he realized that only when Luigi was around would the firees be aggressive towards me, so he had Luigi and Daisy take him to the dungeon. He then knew that I wouldnít sit there and allow my kingdom to be taken over, so I would attack the firees. It turned out that I inadvertently helped him escape and actually capture Luigi and Daisy while recapturing the firees. Meanwhile, you just let Peach escape from your grasp. I think we have a winner! Panser, youíre hired! The apprentice job and its one-million-coin salary are yours!
Panser: Thank you, thank you!
Fiery: Thatís not fair!
Bowser: And by the way, Fiery, if you canít even put up the least bit of resistance to Mario in a situation where he just walks up to you, fireballs you, and takes Peach away, thereís no way youíd survive in a big-time scenario as my apprentice. Iíd like you to join those other fired losers in the dungeon, where you will stay for a year- at least.
Bowser: Yes! Roy, take him away!
Roy takes Fiery to his dungeon cell.
Bowser: Well, Panser, I never knew you were so brilliant!
Panser: Yeah, well, I never knew it either.
Bowser: So after all of this time, Panser gets hired as my apprentice, and he will earn his 1,000,000-coin salary doing all sorts of big tasks, including helping me take over the Mushroom Kingdom! He has proven to me that he can handle such big-time things, and he can certainly take control of important projects for me. He will help me make Koopas eventually wipe out the Mushrooms, and we will capture Peach and Mario for good! There is a promising future for us Koopas, and Iím proud to say that Panser will be part of it! Thatís all for Bowserís Apprentice, and congratulations again to our champion, Panser!
Find out how Panser fares as Bowser's Apprentice!