Bowser's Apprentice

By Crazy Packers Fan

Episode 6

From Castle Koopa's dungeon...

Roy: Everybody out!

Roy unlocks all the prison doors of the fired players.

King Boo: We're free!

Petey Piranha: Roy, you're a pal!

Bowser: Roy, what are you doing?

Chibobo: Rats! Bowser caught you!

Roy: You told me to unlock them!

Bowser: Yeah, but you were supposed to wait for Larry and me to get down here, so I could start the episode in the usual way.

Roy: Sorry.

Bowser: Roy will lead you five to your temporary prison cell, where you will all be together for a very short time.

Tubba Blubba: Huh?

Larry: Everything will be explained later. Go!

Roy leads the five players to a larger dungeon cell.

Bowser: Welcome back to Bowser's Apprentice. You may be wondering why Roy is taking these five losers to a different prison cell. No, not all of them are getting off, though one will be. Before today's normal challenge, these five will be competing for one final chance to get back into the game- and out of jail- in a special challenge that I will explain in a little while. After that challenge, we will have a special challenge, where I will un-fire one player, while re-firing the rest of the players back to their prison cells. This is currently unknown to the players still in the contest, who will find out unpleasantly that someone will be coming back to the game, before finding out another not-so-surprising fact about the game. Now, to explain the challenge to these five already-fired players!

Bowser and Larry walk over to Roy, who has locked the five fired players into their dungeon cell.

Bowser: You're getting a second chance!

Fawful: I knew he would see it our way!

Petey Piranha: Thanks, pal!

Bowser: But, first you're going to have to do some work. I am appointing fired-first Tubba Blubba as your team leader for this special challenge. The goal will be to escape from this prison, as that will be an important skill if you happen to get captured by Peach or Mario or one of those idiots at some point. Don't worry, King Boo; this cell, like your last one, is ghost-proof.

King Boo: No!

Bowser: Once you escape, you will return to my special meeting room, where one of you will be un-fired, depending on how much you contribute. The rest of you will be re-fired. However, if you fail to escape within an hour, you will all be re-fired, and it's back to your original cells you go.

Chibobo: Doesn't Tubba Blubba have an unfair advantage as team leader?

Bowser: No, because if he doesn't lead enough, or if he co-leads with someone else, he isn't going to look as good. He has more responsibility on his shoulders than the rest of you.

Tubba Blubba: That's not fair to me!

Bowser: You were fired first, after all! You don't deserve any favors! Now get going! Roy and Larry will have the honor of getting to watch you guys try to escape. Goodbye for now.

Bowser walks away.

Tubba Blubba: Alright, all we need is a shovel.

The others stare at him.

Tubba Blubba: That's right, we don't get tools to use. Well, there's always Plan B.

Petey Piranha: Stuff Chibobo in your mouth and let us do the thinking?

Chibobo: No, that's Plan C.

King Boo: This isn't that hard. Fawful can just blast everything down with his gun. Right, Fawful? Fawful?!

Fawful is shaking his head.

Chibobo: Fawful, what's the matter? You aren't crying, are you?

Tubba Blubba: No! This can't be! Fawful crying?! What's next? A video game starring Princess Peach?

Fawful: My gun was stolen from me by that mean Roy!

Petey Piranha: That Roy! Don't worry, we'll protect you from the big bad Koopa!

King Boo: Yeah, and we'll protect you from the monsters under your bed. Come on, softie! It was only a gun!

Fawful: That was my special gun!

Chibobo: You're special, all right. This is our big opportunity! If we don't escape from this prison soon, we'll be all staying in prison for a year!

King Boo: Bowser's quite strict on time limits, too.

Tubba Blubba: That's it. Forget Fawful. We're doing this on our own. Start pounding the walls with all of your might.

King Boo and Chibobo stare at Tubba Blubba.

Tubba Blubba: Okay, Petey and I will, while you two weaklings watch.

Petey Piranha: Yeah, weaklings!

King Boo: Are you taunting me, Petey, my pal whose friendship got me fired?

Petey Piranha: Why is that, Boo, buddy?

King Boo: No one calls me Boo!

Petey Piranha: What are you going to do about it, Boo?

King Boo: I'll frighten you to death!

Petey Piranha: I'll eat you!

Tubba Blubba: Alright, alright, enough bonding already. I'll do this myself.

Chibobo: That isn't going to work. These walls are too strong!

Tubba Blubba then sees something inscribed into the wall. It says, "Bow was here 2501".

Tubba Blubba: Bow... Bow... Bow!

With anger, Tubba Blubba starts pounding the wall with all of his might. Eventually, he is able to weaken the wall and break it down.

Tubba Blubba: Yes!

King Boo: Wrong wall, buddy! All you did was make this cell bigger!

Tubba Blubba: Well, let's go in here and see what happens!

Sprinklers turn on and the lights flicker.

Petey Piranha: Huh?

Chibobo: Tubba spoke the magic words, "see what happens".

Tubba Blubba: Don't worry about that. Let's just keep on going.

The four players (Fawful is still crying) find themselves in some sort of storage room.

King Boo: Why would Bowser store stuff down here?

Chibobo: Beats me... wait a minute! What do all these boxes contain?

Tubba Blubba: Some sort of strange food known as "Emerald Nuts".

King Boo: Why would Bowser have so many of them?

Petey Piranha: He's not going to have that many anymore!

Gulp! Gulp! Gulp!

Chibobo: Okay, that's enough, Petey.

Petey Piranha: Sorry.

King Boo: Well, this place is extremely dark, and it doesn't appear have any sort of exit to it. It's looking bleak.

Roy (distant shouting): Two minute warning, idiots!

Chibobo: What are we going to do?

Tubba Blubba: I don't know. Let me go sit over there and think about it.

Tubba Blubba has a seat, while the rest are standing, looking around desperately.

Petey Piranha: We get a second chance, and we blow it!

King Boo: Yeah, we couldn't pull it off in time.

Fawful walks in.

Fawful: Find anything?

Chibobo: Boxes of Emerald Nuts, and that's all.

Fawful: Where's Tubba?

King Boo: He's over- hey, where is he?

Petey Piranha: He must have escaped and didn't tell us!

The players run over to his seat- a warp pipe!

Chibobo: Pipe down!

Petey Piranha: I'm not that loud!

Chibobo: No, I mean jump in the pipe!

Petey Piranha: Oh.

The four players jump in the warp pipe, finding themselves in Bowser's meeting room with Tubba Blubba.

Bowser: Welcome to the special meeting- you're five seconds early!

King Boo: Yes!

Bowser: But you still have to get un-fired.

Roy and Larry walk in.

Roy: Here they are!

Larry: We lost track of them!

Bowser: You'll be a lot of help, then! Fortunately, I was watching the cameras, because I knew my eyes and ears would be a bigger failure than these five were when they got fired. Actually, I'm always watching the cameras, in case any of you didn't know... what, you actually think I rely on Roy and Larry? I'm not that desperate!

Roy: Why are we here, then?

Bowser: To make a salary!

Roy: Oh, yeah, that.

Bowser: Now it's time to talk about your miserable failures, as well as your fluke of a success. First, Fawful. Why cry?

Fawful: Roy took my gun off me!

Bowser: Aw, poor baby. Roy, give it back to the unfortunate loser.

Roy: No!

Bowser: Okay. Roy says no, Fawful. You can't have it back.

Fawful: Wah!

Larry: Aren't you glad you put him in the dungeon?

Bowser: I'm only upset that I let him out for even a couple of hours or so. Now, why did you fight, King Boo and Petey Piranha, best buddies?

King Boo: Oh, come on! Are you ever going to let me forget the fact that I saved Petey's skin for one episode and got myself fired?

Bowser: No!

King Boo: Just making sure.

Bowser: So, let's have an answer.

Petey Piranha: We were frustrated, that's all. Nothing new.

Bowser: You better believe that's nothing new for a bunch of losers like you guys! Chibobo, why did you do what you did?

Chibobo: I didn't do anything!

Bowser: That's what I mean! Why did you do nothing?

Chibobo: I sort of just got myself in trouble, didn't I?

Bowser: You tell me.

Chibobo: Yes.

Bowser: And as for you, Tubba Blubba, you had a bad idea at first.

Tubba Blubba: I made up for it, though, didn't I?

Bowser: Yes, you did, though you only made it here by accident.

Tubba Blubba: Yeah. I guess so.

Bowser: And you found a way to turn on the sprinkler system as well as make the lights flicker.

Tubba Blubba: Oh boy.

Bowser: Though you did break down that wall, which took some effort. And that effort was more than what anyone else did.

Petey Piranha: Hey, I ate some Emerald Nuts!

Bowser: You're right!

Petey Piranha: See, you can't say I didn't do anything!

Bowser: What you did was worst of all! I thought it would be a coin-saving decision to stop buying all normal food and only eat Emerald Nuts for the rest of my life, getting them for free as long as I made up corny jokes at the end of each episode of this show. My life supply of food has now dwindled big-time thanks to you!

Petey Piranha: Oops. I'm feeling sick right now.

Tubba Blubba: NO!!!

Due to an extremely gross upcoming scene, viewer discretion is advised.

Petey Piranha throws up all over the place, creating a mess more disgusting than the mud in Super Mario Sunshine (though not as disgusting as the game Super Mario Sunshine itself).

Bowser: That's it! I've made up my mind!

Tubba Blubba: Don't we get to tell you who we would un-fire?

Bowser: No! Not this time!

Tubba Blubba: Rats!

Bowser: Tubba Blubba! You're un-fired! The rest of you are re-fired! Roy and Larry will lead you back to your dungeon cells and lock you up for a year!

Roy and Larry take the rest of the players to their dungeon cells.

Bowser: Welcome back, Tubba!

Tubba Blubba: I can't believe it!

Bowser: You're getting a second chance, and you'll even be immune from the next special meeting. You'll be meeting your new team members in just a few moments.

A few minutes later, Roy and Larry walk in. The seven remaining players walk in a minute or so later.

Fiery: Hey, what's he doing here?

Bowser: Your past has coming back to haunt you. Tubba Blubba has been un-fired. He now will rejoin the game, with immunity from the next special meeting.

Panser: That's not fair!

Bowser: In another change, there are no longer two teams. You are all now merged into one team, and you will be all working together from now on.

Sumo: Uh...

Bowser: Yeah, I know, you won't really be working together, but please humor me here, okay?

Panser: What will be our team's name?

Bowser: That will vary each week, selected by the team leader of the week. This week's team leader is you!

Roy: Make that clear for the average viewer out there.

Bowser: *ahem* This week's team leader is Panser!

Roy: Better.

Bowser: So, what will the team's name be, Panser?

Panser: The Sub-con SURFers, of course!

Fiery: *groan* Can I be fired now?

Bowser: Sure! Fiery, you're fired! End of episode! Eat Emerald Nuts! Support their business so they'll give me some more to replace the ones Petey Piranha ate!

Fiery: I was only joking.

Bowser: I'm not!

Panser: Yes! Fiery's gone!

Fiery: This isn't fair to me!

Bowser: I was actually only joking, fortunately for Fiery. Now anyway, this week's challenge is extremely important to me.

Sumo: Uh oh.

Bowser: Donkey Kong and Wart have both called for a recall election for King of the Koopas. How they can do this, even I don't know, but I have a feeling Mario has something to do with it. Anyway, I need you eight to go out and endorse me for King of the Koopas in the eight lands. You'll have only eight hours to do so while the polls are open.

Koopa Troopa: How can this election come up so soon without you knowing how?

Bowser: Again, I don't know. Either this is an April Fool's joke in November, or Mario has helped these idiots create an uprising among the citizens of this kingdom and has many of them against me. So I need you eight to defend me and get these voters to keep me as King of the Koopas, or else we'll have to go to military extremes to keep my throne!

Tap Tap: Alright, alright, we'll do it!

Bowser: Roy and Larry will be my eyes and ears, following you along on your campaign. Remember also that Koopa Troopa, Sumo, and Tubba Blubba all have immunity, due in part to the ineffectiveness of the New-School Nonsensical Novices.

Whomp: Hey!

Bowser: It's only true! This will be the final episode in which any of you have immunity, so take use of it now. It's just about time for the polls to open, so get going!

The players, along with Roy and Larry, hop in a warp pipe, ending up in Grass Land.

Sub-con SURFers

Panser: This is crazy! This guy wants us to start campaigning on the day of the election!

Koopa Troopa: It's known as Bowser being Bowser again. This is the same guy who jumped down his own pit in Super Mario Bros. 3 and fought for Mario for a while in Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga, before Mario then went and defeated his children. He must have known that Donkey Kong and Wart were both gunning for his job.

Fiery: Even we knew about this, and we heard about the recall election. It never got mentioned while we were doing challenges and stuff like that, because we never thought we'd have to worry about it.

Tap Tap: He's trying to blame it on Mario and say there's no way it could be happening, while he knew it was going to happen. He was too lazy to campaign for himself, so now we have to do it.

Sumo: Basically, Bowser gets himself in a hole, and it's our job to dig him out of it.

Tubba Blubba: Guess what? That's the job of Bowser's apprentice, in case you didn't know! We have to fix the problems he causes! Want to be hired? This is what you have to do! Let's do it!

Croco: How will we do it, though? There are eight lands!

Panser: Simple. There are eight of us, right? Let's just split up, and each of us take a different land. Remember, though, each land has a different amount of Koopaling votes that goes to it, with Susan being the designated Koopaling for Dark Land. Each Koopaling puts in that designated number of votes after all the votes have been tallied. Does anyone have the exact list?

Whomp: I do. It's this:
Grass Land: 6
Desert Land: 5
Water Land: 9
Giant Land: 6
Sky Land: 9
Ice Land: 10
Pipe Land: 9
Dark Land: 2

Panser: The best ones of us go to the lands that have the most Koopaling votes. That means I'll go to Ice Land.

Fiery: Oh, of course. Send me to Desert Land, which is my home. I can get people to vote there easily.

Panser: It's got only five Koopaling votes, so it's not that big of a risk sending our worst player there.

Koopa Troopa: I want to stay here in Grass Land!

Panser: Whatever. As for you, Tubba?

Tubba Blubba: Giant Land's my place.

Panser: Okay. Croco's best for Water Land, I think, and Tap Tap's going to Sky Land. Meanwhile, I'll send Sumo to Pipe Land, to lose some weight going down all those pipes, and Whomp seems right for Dark Land. Understand?

All other players: Yes!

Roy: Hey, who will we follow?

Panser: Just go to your home land! Now let's go!

Grass Land

Koopa Troopa runs into the heart of Grass Land, screaming.

Koopa Troopa: Vote for Bowser! Vote for Bowser!

Gary Goomba: Look, a Troopa! Let's get him!

Koopa Troopa: Hey, wait a minute- help!

Goombas are piling up on Koopa Troopa.

Gary Goomba: We are the Goomba Gang, and we hate Troopas. We'll vote against Bowser just to hurt your cause.

Koopa Troopa: Rats.

West Grass Land television reporters (for Goomba TV) arrive on the scene.

Greg Goomba: This is live from Goomba City in west Grass Land, the largest city in all of Grass Land. A Koopa Troopa has attempted to invade the town, threatening the lives of all Goombas living in western Grass Land. He is a major supporter of soon-to-be former King of the Koopas, Bowser Koopa. Therefore, we now know that Bowser has sided with the Koopa Troopas, so all you Goombas must vote against him! We suggest banana-eating ape Donkey Kong as a safe alternative to Bowser! In the meantime, we shall lock up this loser in prison so you can know that it is safe to walk the streets again. The Goomba Gang, the heroes of Goomba City, has once against saved the lives of poor Micro-Goombas everywhere!

Bowser just so happens to be watching Goomba TV on one of his television screens.

Bowser: Why does this loser have to have immunity?

Desert Land

Fiery is at Desert Land Stadium, home of the Desert Land football team, where many fans have come to get autographs from Desert Land football players after their practice.

Fiery: I apologize for having to take a year off from football, but I'll be back next year, and we'll win it all, I promise you!

Crowd: Yeah!

Fiery: But, I need some help from you, my beloved fans. I'm willing to sign an autograph for every fan who agrees to vote for Bowser Koopa in today's election.

Crowd: All right!

Fiery is a huge star in Desert Land, being the most athletic player in the land. Thus he has many fans who are willing to do whatever it takes to get his autograph, and these fans are so loyal that if they hear Fiery say to vote for Bowser, they'll do so, no matter who they had been planning to vote for. However, there is one problem for Fiery.

Fiery: (My hand's about to fall off from signing all these autographs!)

Water Land

Croco is hopping into many warp pipes, going to all sorts of different polling places, stumping for Bowser at every place he can find. He even debates with DK and Wart supporters.

Croco: Donkey Kong is so low, his games are now drumming games! He's too low for a controller! And Wart? Please! He's been gone for years! He's tried to build a failed theme park that almost killed its visitors! He's living in a nightmare, the never-ending sleep known as Sub-con!

Big Bertha: And what has Bowser done for us lately?

Croco: He's given you the best reality show of all time in Bowser's Apprentice!

Blooper: Hey, isn't that on right now?

Big Bertha: He's right! Let's go watch it... after we vote for Bowser! That guy did produce a great reality show!

Blooper: He's much better than that former producer Crazy Packers Fan!

Current Bowser's Apprentice producer Crazy Packers Fan can only laugh... but he doesn't care much, as he's too busy trying to impress Dead or Alive 3 beauty queen Kasumi by holding up chicken-costumed workers in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.

Croco: (I didn't think that one would work.)

Giant Land

Tubba Blubba is "convincing" Giant Troopas and Grand Goombas to vote for Bowser.

Giant Troopa: Alright, alright, I give up! I'll vote for Bowser! Just stop kicking me around and I'll vote for him immediately!

Tubba Blubba: How about you?

Grand Goomba: How can I vote for Bowser squashed flat?!

Tubba Blubba: Use yourself as the ballot... or prepare to be mailed to my fortress!

Grand Goomba: Alright, alright, just give me a minute!

Sledge Brothers in favor of Donkey Kong's "Free Bananas" campaign are not thrilled, however.

Tony: Why should we vote for a loser who eats Emerald Nuts instead of giving us free bananas?

Sledgy: It would be a bad idea to say "my fists" to our hammers, too!

Tubba Blubba: DK will eat all those free bananas! He'll never give them to you! You might as well face it, he's addicted to bananas! Why would he give them to you?

Big Brother: True.

Tubba Blubba: Besides, DK will get his Ape Crew in here and try to take out your mob!

Sister Sledge: Vote for Bowser immediately!

Uncle Senior: Why not Wart?

Tubba Blubba: Wart? He doesn't know what a hammer is! He has a machine that spits out vegetables! He'd force you to eat vegetables, which are bad for your health! They're even bad for his health! He's a flip-flopper, that's what he is! In fact, he just entered the flip-flop hall of fame with that Dream Machine of his!

Uncle Senior: I guess we're going to have to go with Bowser.

Tony: That Tubba Blubba does some pretty good convincing, I'll tell you what.

Tubba Blubba: You hear this, Bowser?! I'm doing a good job! Don't fire me this time!

Sky Land

Tap Tap: The last time I started screaming, I caused a lot of trouble. Maybe I should just keep quiet.

Paratroopa: Everybody vote for Donkey Kong! Look at all the bananas he sent with Chunky Kong!

Larry Lakitu: Bananas for everyone!

Tap Tap: Or not. Hey, don't vote for DK! He's just trying to get you to vote for him!

Paratroopa: And what are you trying to do?

Larry Lakitu: It appears that you're just trying to get us to NOT vote for him!

Tap Tap: Well, uh, uh...

Paratroopa: All the more reason to vote for DK!

Larry Lakitu: Donkey Kong is never wrong! Vote DK now!

Tap Tap: Uh oh.

Ice Land

Panser arrives at Icicle City in Ice Land, the capital of Ice Land. He is trying to think of a campaign slogan, and he thinks he has a good one.

Buster Beetle: We want change! Get Bowser out of his throne!

Panser: Another 300 years isn't so bad! Vote for Bowser!

Ptooie: You're right, it isn't so bad.

Panser: See what I mean?

Ptooie: But Wart would be a much better choice. Vote for Wart, everyone!

Buster Beetle: ABB! Anybody But Bowser!

Panser: Come on, guys, you've got to listen to the leader of SURF!

Ptooie: Where are you from?

Panser: Sub-con!

Ptooie: The same place as Wart! Vote for Wart, everybody! Wart! Wart! Wart!

Icicle City Citizens: Wart! Wart! Wart!

Panser: Wart's a loser! Wart stinks! No! No!

Panser is spitting fire in desperation. Due to his spitting of fire, the ice underneath the polling places melts, sending the voting machines underwater.

Buster Beetle: There goes our chance to vote!

Ptooie: There are provisional ballots, aren't there?

Panser burps. Fire comes out, burning up a whole bunch of paper.

Buster Beetle: Not anymore.

Pipe Land

Sumo: This place is huge. How do I appeal to a bunch of Piranha Plants?

Venus Fire Trap: Donkey Kong promises us all bananas for free! There's no reason to vote for anyone else!

Muncher: Donkey Kong! Donkey Kong!

Sumo: Hey, I eat a lot, and it comes from the apples planted on trees by environmentalist Bowser Koopa!

Nipper: Oh yeah?

Sumo: Yeah! Look how fat I am! Eat like me, not like that Donkey Kong! I can bring down lightning with the stomp of my foot. Donkey Kong can bring coconuts down on his head with the stomp of his foot, cracking his already hard-headed skull.

Fiery Walking Piranha: Maybe this Sumo guy is right! I say vote for Bowser!

Hanging Piranha Plant: Why not Wart? His Dream Machine tosses out vegetables!

Sumo: Those vegetables are actually poisonous! Wart twice got sick from eating his own veggies!

Piranha Plant: You mean to tell me that guy's trying to give us poison?

Sumo: You better believe it!

Venus Fire Trap: Maybe we should vote for Bowser after all! He's the cool one! He won't give us poor food!

Piranha Plant: Let's all go vote for Bowser!

Dark Land

Whomp: Everyone around here must be big Bowser fans. What's the need to try to change any of their minds?

Koopatrols, however, are grumbling about their low paychecks.

Ken Koopatrol: Wart would pay us more!

Whomp: Hmm... These guys don't seem to be big Bowser fans. Hey, Bowser is good at paychecks! He may pay me 1,000,000 coins!

Kent Koopatrol: For what?

Whomp: For winning a contest!

Ken Koopatrol: Of course! You'd have to go on one of those gameshows to win that many coins!

Kent Koopatrol: We're being paid 50 coins per.

Whomp: Per hour?

Ken Koopatrol: Nope.

Whomp: Oh, per day. That's still not bad.

Kent Koopatrol: Per year! And if we quit, he'll put us in the dungeon!

Whomp: Well, uh, uh, Wart won't pay you that much!

Ken Koopatrol: He already promised us a 5,000-coin raise!

Whomp: Well, um, he's lying!

Kent Koopatrol: Even if he is, that's better than what we've got now. Let's go get the rest of the Koopatrols to put in their votes for Wart.

Whomp: Wait! No!

Ken Koopatrol: No one listen to the talking, walking wall!

Kent Koopatrol: Want more coins?!

Koopatrols: Yeah!

Ken Koopatrol: Then vote for Wart!

Koopatrol: Wart!

Whomp: *sigh*

Ice Land

Panser takes a moment to check the local television station, projecting the winners, as by now the election has reached its seventh hour. (Although you may have only seen the early hours of the election, the middle hours are just full of characters voting, with not as much campaigning.)

Boom Boom: It looks like we can mark down Dark Land as Wart's. There's no doubting his victory there.

Thwomp: That's for sure. Koopatrols are all voting against Bowser's poor paychecks, and they claim some stupid Whomp tried to discourage them, but it only encouraged them all the more.

Panser: Whomp!

Boom Boom: Also, you can mark down Grass Land and Sky Land as both belonging to Donkey Kong. Goomba TV caught a Koopa Troopa trying to commit hideous crimes in Grass Land, or so they tell us. That Troopa was a Bowser supporter, and thus Bowser has gotten a very bad rap there.

Panser: Troopa!

Thwomp: That's right. Also, Bowser has gotten very little campaigning in Sky Land, which is why he is losing that land.

Panser: What's Tap Tap doing there?

Boom Boom: Bowser does have Desert Land in a landslide, apparently due to Fiery, the star wide receiver Fire Brother of the Desert Land football team, who took this season off. Fans of his were offered free autographs if they were to agree to vote for Bowser, so this must have something to do with Bowser's success there.

Thwomp: That's not illegal anywhere on Plit, by the way, in case you are wondering.

Boom Boom: Pipe Land looks like it's Bowser's as well, with a Sumo Brother leading all kinds of Piranhas to the poll.

Thwomp: I don't know if it was a "Vote or Die" campaign or what, but apparently that Sumo Brother must have done something to do with Bowser's success in Pipe Land.

Boom Boom: So let's check the current standings:
Donkey Kong: 15
Bowser: 14
Wart: 2

Thwomp: There are three lands still up for grabs,
Water Land, Giant Land, and Ice Land. Water Land has a certain Bowser supporter named Croco making all kinds of noise over there.

Boom Boom: That's right. He had led Bowser to a big lead by getting all sorts of votes for him, but then he stole 1,500 coins off a Spike who refused to vote for Bowser, and was immediately jailed.

Panser: Croco!

Thwomp: This means that Donkey Kong has surged in Water Land, as late voters have found out about Donkey Kong's success, so they want to make sure Bowser fails to win, as obviously Bowser supports such type of behavior.

Boom Boom: We now have it in: Giant Land belongs to Bowser. All sorts of beat-up voters claiming they were "convinced" by Tubba Blubba to vote for Bowser have decided to vote for the incumbent King of the Koopas. The new standings are:
Bowser: 20
Donkey Kong: 15
Wart: 2

Thwomp: In Ice Land, it's too close to call. With the Icicle City problem, as well as the mysterious burning-up of all the provisional ballots for Icicle City citizens, we have no idea how this election could have swung in that land, as it's virtually tied between Bowser and Wart there.

Boom Boom: Wart needs a miracle to claim this election, and I don't think he's going to get it.

Panser: Well, that at least alleviates one problem. I've got to go drum up some last-second Bowser support.

Panser goes off to do some last-minute campaigning, right when the Ice Land reporters have some breaking news.

Thwomp: We have some breaking news out of Water Land.

Boom Boom: Many Trouters who immigrated to Water Land have voted for Wart. Their votes are among the last to be counted. Thus Water Land has swung to a Donkey Kong-Wart battle, with Bowser falling further and further behind.

Thwomp: In fact, we have a speech from Wart right now.

Wart: Count every vote! Every vote counts! I'm not giving up! I waited since Super Mario Bros. 2 for this! I can wait one more night!

Wart then goes around giving cheesy smiles, thumbs-up, and waves to his cheering fans. Meanwhile, Panser is trying desperately to gain Bowser support.

Panser: Wart's out of it! Vote for Bowser so Donkey Kong doesn't get in! If DK gets in, he will replace this land with a jungle!

Fire Chomp: How?

Panser: Uh... he just will!

Muncher (that has just been unfrozen by a Panser fireball): Look at the TV!

A nearby TV has the same station on.

Boom Boom: And with that, Wart has pulled away to win Water Land! The standings are now:
Bowser: 20
Donkey Kong: 15
Wart: 11

Thwomp: If Wart wins Ice Land, he is the new King of the Koopas!

Muncher: VOTE FOR WART!!!

Fire Chomp: Wart! Wart! Wart! Wart! Wart!

Panser: No! No! Wart's a loser! I've dealt with him before myself! He can't help you! He's against the Sub-conians in general!

Fire Chomp: Do we live in Sub-con?

Panser: No.

Fire Chomp: Then why should we worry? Why should we care? Sub-conians are stupid anyway!

Panser: You'll pay for that!

Fire Chomp and Muncher are leading a band of Wart supporters to the polls with only 15 minutes remaining. Panser starts fighting them with a barrage of fireballs.

Panser: If I have to fight, I will!

TV cameras catch Panser's fight and show it Plit-wide, on all televisions across the planet of Plit.

Fiery: I'd better get over there and help out that helpless idiot!

Sumo: Panser needs help... he's all little and stupid!

Tubba Blubba: I'll beat up those Wart fans!

These three team members jump into warp pipes and head off to help Panser. They arrive just in time to stop the band of Wart fans from going to the polls.

Panser: Thanks, guys. Where are the others, though?

Fiery: Who knows? A couple I heard are in jail.

Sumo: Right. Hey! Time's up!

Tubba Blubba: Check the TV!

Boom Boom: Wart has won Ice Land! Wart is the new King of the Koopas! Move on out, Bowser! Pack your things! Meet the new boss! Even if he's the same as the old boss, he's the new king! Here are your final standings:
Wart: 21
Bowser: 20
Donkey Kong: 15

Thwomp: You may be wondering how we can bring you the results so quickly. The answer is that we here in Plit can get updated and official results immediately due to completely electronic voting. That is why we know that Wart has won Ice Land by a mere 4 votes!

Boom Boom: We are currently waiting for Bowser's concession speech. Until then, we will air Bowser's Apprentice, currently in progress.

The shocked Sub-con SURFers find Roy and Larry standing nearby, pointing to their watches. They groan, walking slowly to the newest warp pipe.

Castle Koopa

The four Sub-con SURFers who were in Ice Land when they heard the grim news, as well as Roy and Larry, find Whomp, Tap Tap, Koopa Troopa, and Croco waiting at Castle Koopa already.

Panser: How did those two jailbirds get here?

Roy: We paid their bail for them.

Larry: The other two losers gave up and came back here early.

Bowser: And boy, do we have a lot to talk about! Not only did you guys lose this challenge against no other team, but you got me kicked out of being King of the Koopas!

Fiery: Why didn't you prepare for this election beforehand?

Bowser: You idiots! You actually thought I wasn't prepared for this?! I only pretended to not know much about the election, as well as actually deciding not to campaign, because I thought it was a perfect challenge for you guys.

Sumo: But now you're no longer King of the Koopas!

Bowser: Ha ha ha! Actually, you only temporally got me kicked out of being King of the Koopas, as Lemmy already has filed a lawsuit in Ice Land, calling for a recount. As Lemmy will sneak in and delete five Wart votes for me off their computers, or perhaps some more than five, I will be King of the Koopas again by next episode. I knew I could do this with the help of a Koopaling in any land before the election, so I knew I would win the election no matter what. I just thought it would be a great challenge for this show.

The eight team members are red with anger. They turn auburn, burnt sienna, orange, tangerine, and whatever color you can pull out of your Crayola crayon box.

Bowser: Time to go to my meeting room! And believe me, this one will be the most painful one of all time!

Panser: Oh boy.

Fiery: You got your good luck charms with you?

Whomp: I got my good luck bandage!

Tap Tap: I doubt that's going to help.

Bowser's Meeting Room

Bowser is seated in an average chair, due to the fact that he doesn't want to cause an outrage by sitting on a throne, as Wart is currently the King-elect of the Koopas. Roy and Larry are seated in their usual seats, as are the eight nervous-looking players.

Bowser: A lot of you messed up badly this time, though a few of you actually did well. I'll forget the successes of you good players for the moment, but don't think I've totally forgotten you good players. I have to spend time criticizing the poor players. First, Panser, what was with your assignments of players to these lands? Koopa Troopa to the home of the Goomba Gang? Tap Tap to Sky Land? Whomp anywhere?

Panser: Well, I had to put them somewhere, and Troopa suggested Grass Land.

Bowser: Koopa Troopa's an idiot who should have been fired a few episodes ago! Don't listen to him!

Panser: But where else should I have put him?

Bowser: Not in the home of his mortal rivals! And why send Tap Tap, a member of that fallen-apart New School team, to a place with nine Koopaling votes? Send him to Dark Land where it's safer!

Panser: I figured Whomp could handle Dark Land citizens better. I was dead wrong.

Bowser: Beyond dead wrong! If Whomp could have only won Dark Land, Lemmy wouldn't have to use any effort in cheating to get me to win this election!

Panser: Yeah, I guess so.

Bowser: You guess? And what's with your poor campaign slogan?! "300 more years isn't so bad"? That's sort of like saying, "Another Mario Bros. remake for $20 isn't so bad"! How stupid! If not for your bad breath, Wart would have won in a landslide in Ice Land due to all the Icicle City supporters he had!

Panser: Hey, I did my best after I made my mistakes.

Bowser: "After" is the key word!

Panser: Didn't anyone else make any mistakes?

Bowser: Yes. Croco, why steal 1,500 coins from a Spike?

Croco: I love stealing!

Bowser: What an excuse. As for you, Koopa Troopa, how about your stupidity? Any loser knows that the Goomba Gang hates Troopas more than I hate Mario! Go to a Troopa-heavy city and stump for me there!

Koopa Troopa: That would have taken some time!

Bowser: You had eight hours, and Troopas in general are lazy and procrastinate! You should know that yourself!

Koopa Troopa: Troopas are outnumbered in Grass Land due to those Goomba-generating pipes anyway! What good will it do you if I win you a minority?

Bowser: If you win 40 percent or so of the votes by getting the Troopas on my side, and the Goombas split their votes three ways, I get 60 percent of the votes in Grass Land and win six Koopaling votes. Instead, you get the 60 percent of Goombas against me, and the Troopas were pretty much split, due to the fact that they were pretty upset at you for your actions, making Troopas in general look bad.

Koopa Troopa: Come on, you actually think Troopas in general look bad?

Bowser: Let's turn on some TV stations around Plit. Hit the remote, Roy!

Roy: Why me? The remote control's on your armrest! Hey, and you're not the King of the Koopas for the moment! You can't tell me what to do!

Bowser angrily turns on the TV to the Ice Land station.

Boom Boom: According to this recount, Bowser has won Ice Land after all, by a final margin of 96 votes! Bowser remains the King of the Koopas! Wart refuses to concede, but with the Supreme Koopa Kourt run by Koopalings, there's no way his second recount will succeed! So this means the final standings are:

Bowser: 30
Donkey Kong: 15
Wart: 11

Thwomp: There is no truth to the rumor that Bowser is demanding a mandate that all Mario supporters crawl into holes and eat ants for the rest of their lives. However, Bowser does end up with double DK's Koopaling votes and almost triple Wart's Koopaling votes!

Roy: Should I go to the dungeon now, King of the Koopas?

Bowser: Later, loser.

Boom Boom: Also, Koopa Troopas everywhere have a bad name due to the violent, immature, and flat-out disgusting actions of a Troopa curiously named Koopa Troopa.

Thwomp: I highly doubt he was running around trying to kill Goombas with a Donkey Kong mallet, but that's the report we have in from Goomba City.

Bowser turns off the TV.

Bowser: So, Troopa, now what do you have to say?

Koopa Troopa: Those are lies!

Bowser: They may be lies, but Troopas still have a bad name due to you!

Koopa Troopa: Pick on someone else!

Bowser: Ooh, the little Troopa with temporary immunity is trying to boss around his will-never-be boss. Wait 'til next week, buddy! Now for other losers. Whomp, you're one!

Whomp: Oh brother.

Bowser: Oh brother is right. What you did to me in Dark Land was incredibly stupid. Instead of trying to get the facts out to the Koopatrols, which is that I don't pay them that much because they sleep on the job when they're supposed to be working, you just go um... uh... well, I... and you make yourself and me look like fools. Good job!

Whomp: Uh... thanks?

Bowser: You'll never learn. Tap Tap, you're another idiot here! "I'll shut up now because I should have shut up in the past"? Look, there are some times to stay quiet, and some times to speak up. That's obvious. When you screamed like an imbecile in Toad Town, that was when to stay quiet. You were supposed to be campaigning, though! Who wins an election by just sitting around and doing nothing?

Tap Tap: You?

Bowser: True... but anyway, say I didn't have the ability to cheat to win this election. I'd be out there making false promises, telling sweet little lies to my supporters, smiling big, waving, and shaking hands. I wouldn't be sitting in a corner and hoping voters might vote for me. Then, once you decide to speak up, you don't know what to say, or how to say it correctly. That cost me Sky Land, which is a stronghold for me, considering most of Roy's fans support me due to the fact that I bail him out of hopeless financial situations countless times per day.

Tap Tap: So, what I did was wrong?

Bowser flips the table the players are sitting at.

Bowser: That's it! Some of you don't even know when you're wrong! You're too stupid! There are some of you out there, like Fiery, Tubba Blubba, and Sumo, who worked for me the right way. They deserve to remain here. The rest of you are in extreme danger, though Koopa Troopa has immunity and can't get fired, whether I want to fire him or not. Before I ask Panser which two of the four eligible characters he wants to bring with him, let's first go the democratic way and see who the majority would fire, of the non-immune players, that is. Panser?

Panser: I'd fire Tap Tap, for his failure to succeed in Sky Land.

Bowser: How about you, Tap Tap?

Tap Tap: It would have to be Panser, who caused so much trouble in Ice Land, and despite his last-ditch efforts to save your skin, he still would have failed if it wouldn't have been for that meddling Lemmy!

Bowser: Who do you think should be fired, Whomp?

Whomp: Panser. If not for his fiery breath, Wart would have won by such a large margin in Ice Land that Lemmy would have to be cheating for days just to give you that land.

Bowser: Fiery, who should go?

Fiery: Panser. There is no doubt about it, as even if, say, you had won Ice Land, it would have been due to Tubba, Sumo, and I helping fight off last-second voters from getting to the polls.

Bowser: Tubba Blubba, who would you fire?

Tubba Blubba: Definitely that Whomp character. The fact of the matter is, I don't see why he couldn't have searched for the truth in the Koopatrol situation and caught them in their lies. Plus, he could have fought them and "convinced" them to vote for you the same way I did. Think about it, Koopatrols vs. a walking, talking wall. Who do you think would win?

Bowser: I don't know, those Koopatrols can be tough when they're angry. Sumo, who shouldn't be here next episode?

Sumo: Tap Tap. Failing in Sky Land because he decided to keep his mouth shut at the wrong time? That guy doesn't know what to do with his mouth.

Bowser: Koopa Troopa, who should not be part of next episode's challenge?

Koopa Troopa: Croco, who had Water Land won at one point, before giving it back to Wart.

Bowser: And finally, Croco, who should be fired?

Croco: Whomp. I'd like to see that guy do some work one of these episodes, or not be here at all.

Bowser: Alright, now it's your turn, Panser. You have the honor of choosing which two of the four eligible players get to stay here with you for potential firing.

Panser: As much as I hate to do this, I can't keep Fiery here. There's no way you'll fire him, so I'll let him off this episode. And Croco did do something right before he messed up, so Iíll let him off easy. Tap Tap and Whomp can stay.

Bowser: Alright, Fiery and Croco, you join the three immune players in the warp pipe over there.

Fiery, Croco, and the three immune players go hop in the warp pipe.

Bowser: Now one of you three gets fired. Panser, why shouldn't I fire you?

Panser: I fought my heart out for you in Ice Land. I made my mistakes. I should have tried to delegate the lands better, and I should have thought of a better campaign slogan. I did all I could to reverse my mistakes, but unfortunately I came up short.

Roy and Larry try to stop from tearing up. Bowser is impressed.

Bowser: Wow, some maturity around here! Beat that, you two! First, Tap Tap!

Tap Tap: The fact of the matter is, while I lost nine Koopaling votes for you, they were for non-factor Donkey Kong, while both of these lost their lands to Wart. Plus, Panser lost ten Koopaling votes for you, one more than me! He's more to blame than me!

Bowser: Whomp?

Whomp: Koopatrols are hard-headed characters. You can't win them over easily. They're an unstoppable force when it comes to their opinions. I couldn't do much more than I did. I don't have the physical ability to take them down, either. I'm no Tubba Blubba! These other two could have done more than me, especially Panser. Panser has fireballs. Why didn't he just go out and fireball every Wart supporter, and go make a tape that he would fireball anyone who would vote against you? That would have worked!

Bowser: So, in other words, Tap Tap and Whomp, you're not to blame as much as your teammates.

Tap Tap: That's for sure!

Whomp: That's right!

Bowser: I didn't ask you why someone else should be fired this time! I asked you why you shouldn't be fired, not why someone else should be fired more than you! Panser at least admitted his mistakes and said what he did do right, and I agree with him. You two have arguments that don't make yourselves look good; they just try to make your opponents look worse.

Tap Tap: Isn't that campaining?

Bowser: Yes, it is.

Whomp: See?

Bowser: It's campaigning that fails! Voters tend to want a candidate who they agree with, not one who is merely an alternative to one they disagree with! I'm firing one of you two. Which one is the question. Roy?

Roy: Fire Tap Tap, who got my land against you.

Bowser: Larry?

Larry: Fire Whomp, who got pushed around by a bunch of pitiful Koopatrols.

Bowser: I knew you guys would disagree. That's okay. I'm going to fire the one who cost me more Koopaling votes. Tap Tap, you're fired.

Tap Tap: Whomp deserves to be fired more! He had less responsibility than me and still failed! I at least failed because I had lots of responsibility on me!

Bowser: To the end, you don't know when to keep your mouth shut, and you continue to blame your now-former teammates. Go to the warp pipe, Panser and Whomp.

Panser and Whomp go jump in the warp pipe.

Bowser: As for you, Tap Tap the Red Nose, it's time for Roy to take you to the dungeon, where you will be spending the next year.

Tap Tap: Why?

Bowser: Because I consider you a threat. Dark Land will be safer with you behind bars. Take him away, Roy!

Roy takes Tap Tap to his dungeon cell.

Bowser: That guy couldn't do anything right!

Larry: That was a long time coming.

Bowser: That's for sure. As a special feature for the second half of Bowser's Apprentice, now that six out of twelve episodes have been completed, I will now allow voting to see who you want fired in the Polls section of Lemmy's Land. Vote early and vote often. okay, so just vote early, choosing who you want to be fired, not hired. I'll then choose myself whether I want to listen to you or not... heh heh heh. In the meantime, that's all for this episode. I'm the King of the Koopas, Bowser Koopa, saying goodbye for Roy and Larry! Remember, Envious Ninjakoopas love Emerald Nuts! So long until next episode!

Read on!

Comments, suggestions, stories, or story ideas? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Fun Fiction.
Go back to my main page.