Part 4: Beanbean Castle
Luigi: Finally we are past that mountain!
They walk along a hilly path and see several pointy creatures (they’re Sharpeas).
Luigi: I’m going to take a guess and say we don’t jump on those- AAAAHHHHH!!!
Mario picks Luigi up and throws him face-first at one of the Sharpeas.
Luigi: (in midair) How? How are we related?
Luigi hits the Sharpea. The Sharpea gets agitated because Luigi is stuck on his back. (The pain knocked Luigi out.) The Sharpea then flips upside down, scrapes Luigi off in the dirt, and runs off. Luigi starts to wake up.
Mario: It’s-a you-a in-a pain-a!
Mario shoves a Mushroom in Luigi’s mouth.
Luigi: What are you doing?! Trying to choke-Ack!
Unfortunately it was a Poison Mushroom. Luigi falls unconscious. Mario shrugs, picks him up, and starts dragging him along the ground, using his body to bat aside Sharpeas and weird worm-like Sworms. Mario eventually carries Luigi far enough for him to wake up.
Luigi: You know, Mario, sometimes I think you’re trying to kill me.
Mario: Okeydokey!
Luigi: That doesn’t exactly reassure me.
They continue walking until they see strange raccoon-like Tanoombas and odd flying turtles called Paratroopeas.
Luigi: Yes! Finally some easy enemies! We’ll crush these- Ack!
A Paratroopea rams into Luigi, knocking him out instantly.
Mario: It’s-a healing time!
Mario gives Luigi a 1-Up Mushroom.
Luigi: Hey thanks Mar-Ack!
A Tanoomba touches Luigi with its tail. Luigi faints. Mario shrugs and then continues using Luigi as a battering ram. Just before they reach Beanbean Castle Town Luigi wakes up.
Luigi: Ok, that does it! We’re going to ignore every enemy and just go into the town!
They go into the town and encounter no more enemies. When they get there the town is in ruins.
Luigi: Is it always like this or are they doing construction?
A house crumbles to dust.
Luigi: Maybe it’s termites.
A Beanbean guy walks over to them.
BB Guy: This is all your fault!
Luigi: How?
BB Guy: Stop interrogating me, you big bully!
He runs off. Another one comes over.
BB Guy: Oh don’t mind Jerry. He’s been kind of loopy ever since Cackletta and Fawful attacked the town and headed up toward the castle.
Luigi: I guess we better head over to the castle than.
Mario and Luigi head up to the-
Luigi: Hey! Why do you always put Mario’s name first?!
Narrator: Uh, it’s alphabetical order.
Luigi: Oh, okay. Hey wait a minute!
Narrator: Oh just get back to the story!
Luigi: Fine.
Mario and Luigi head up to the castle. In front of it they see two Beanbean Guards.
BB Guard 1: So to Pokershroom you flip this card over and-
BB Guard 2: You destroyed my Shrace!
Both: Ha ha ha!
Luigi: What are you doing?
BB Guard 1: AAAHHH! I mean, you can’t pass!
BB Guard 2: The castle is ours to guard as we please!
Luigi: That’s great, but we need to see the queen so we can get this ridiculous quest over with.
BB Guard 1: Queen? There is no queen here. Excuse me for a second.
The guards turn and start talking to each other.
BB Guard 1: Did you tell him about the queen?
BB Guard 2: No! I don’t know who did!
Luigi: Uh, guys…?
BB Guards: What?! Oh.
They look where Luigi is pointing and see a big sign with flashing lights saying “Queen Bean’s Castle!”
Luigi: So can we go in?
BB Guard 1: No! You need to show us something from the royal family!
Luigi: Fine! Mario, show them Peasley’s Rose!
Mario: *crunch, crunch* Yummy!
Luigi: MARIO! You didn’t eat Peasley’s Rose, did you?
Mario gulps and swallows Peasley’s Rose.
BB Guard 2: Um you still can’t pass.
Luigi: Alright, fine but- Oh my gosh! Is that an Ultra Mushroom in the bushes?!
BB Guards: What?!
They both run into the bushes.
Luigi: Finally! Come on, Mario.
They enter the castle, leaving the guards behind.
BB Guard 1: Hey! Where’d they go?
BB Guard 2: Where’d who go?
BB Guard 1: Well, um, I don’t really remember.
BB Guard 2: So, uh, what do you want to do?
BB Guard 1: How about Pokershroom?
BB Guard 2: What’s that?
BB Guard 1: Here, let me show you…
Meanwhile in the castle…
Luigi: Whoa! This place is huge!
Mario: (muttering) Peach’s castle is bigger.
Luigi: What did you say?
Mario: It’s-a me, Mario!
Luigi: Oh, alright. For a second there I thought you said an intelligible sentence.
Mario: (low muttering) I’m going to make you pay for that.
Luigi: You know that if I didn’t know better I’d be worried that my brother was plotting against me. But he’s not smart enough to do that.
Mario: (really low muttering) You’re going to regret that.
Soon the Brothers run into more guards, guarding (Wow! Who saw that coming?) a door.
BB Guard 3: Um, do you want to pass?
Luigi: Yes!
BB Guard 4: Well too bad!
Both: HA HA HA!
Luigi: There is something seriously wrong with the people in this place.
Mario and Luigi turn around and go through the only open door. Soon they see two more guards.
Luigi: Geez! Peach doesn’t have this many guards and she’s been attacked and kidnapped so many times it is funny! You guys are really paranoid!
BB Guard 5: You know if you had more guards she probably wouldn’t be kidnapped so often.
BB Guard 6: Shh! Don’t try to use logic on them! Their primitive brains can’t handle it!
Luigi: I’m right here.
BB Guard 6: Uh, so you are! I was just joking! Please don’t smash me!
Luigi: Look, I just want to know where Queen Bean is.
BB Guard 5: Well actually she’s right behind the door we’re guarding.
Luigi: Great! Will you let us pass?
BB Guard 6: Well first you have to get us a few things.
Luigi: (suspiciously) What things?
BB gGard 5: Well first I want a bunny, which you can get by going outside and talking to…
Three hours later…
Mario Bros: *snore, snore*
BB Guard 5: …And that’s all we want! Hey, are you even listening?
Luigi: (snapping awake) What! No way are getting you any of that stuff! (Especially because I didn’t hear half of it.) We’ll find some other way in!
Luigi storms off, dragging a still sleeping Mario with him.
BB Guard 5: Aww man! Now I’ll never get my bunny!
He breaks down crying. His friend pats him on the back.
BB Guard 6: There, there. Your birthday is coming up.
BB Guard 5: *sniffle* Yeah, you’re right. I need to pull myself together.
BB Guard 6: That’s right! Now let’s play Pokershroom with the guys!
Meanwhile in another part of the castle…
Luigi: What the? Are those guys playing Pokershroom?
He tries to get closer for a better look and trips over a sleeping Beanbean person. Mario wakes up.
Mario: Fire Flower!
Luigi: Shh! Don’t wake him up! I don’t want another crazy Beanbean person on my hands!
Lady Lima: Oh good, you’re here!
Luigi: Shh! Don’t wake him-
Lady Lima: What?! How dare you shush a queen’s person thingy?
Luigi: Look Lady, all I want-
Lady Lima: Lady Lima! Call me by my full name, you impertinent fool!
Luigi: Fine! Look Lady Lima, brat, whiner, and arrogant queen’s person thingy, I just want to see the queen!
Lady Lima: Why how dare you? I have never been insulted so much in my entire life! Especially not by such a lowly peasant!
Luigi: It takes one to know one.
Lady Lima: That does it! Take this!
She takes out a large remote control with a button it, which she presses. The floor drops out from under the plumbers.
Luigi: Uh oh.
Mario: Mamamia!
They fall into the castle basement.
Luigi: Ouch.
Lady Lima: Eeyah- I mean, ha! Now in order to redeem yourself and meet the queen you must fix the castle’s plumbing!
Luigi: Why?
Lady Lima: Well because you’re plumbers and I figured you should get some plumbing done in your adventure.
Luigi: And if we choose to not fix the plumbing?
Lady Lima: Than you will never get out of the basement! Ha ha! Bye.
Lady Lima leaves them in the basement.
Luigi: Great! Just great! I don’t think this “adventure” is ever going to end!
Mario and Luigi trudge along. They then see Spinies and Super Flies!
Spiny: Hey! Get out of here!
Super Fly: Don’t make me hop on you!
Luigi: How to get rid of them, how to get rid of them? Hmmm. Aha! Hey guys, they’re playing Pokershroom up there!
Enemies: Awesome!
Somehow they all disappear from the basement.
Luigi: Well that was simple.
They walk around the basement until they see some loose plugs.
Luigi: Let me guess, pull out the plugs? No, that wouldn’t work…
Mario smashes them all in with his hammer.
Luigi: I was just about to say that!
They continue smashing plugs until there
are only two left.
Luigi: Alright! The last one- Huh?
A Spiny runs in.
Spiny: I have no hands! They won’t let me play- whoops! AAHH!
It runs into the plug and breaks it.
Luigi: Great! Now we’ll never get out of here! Unless…
Spiny: Hey! Stop looking at me like that! AAAHH! Let go! Ack!
Luigi picks up the Spiny and shoves it into the hole. A cage opens up. Out come some Beanbean people and… Lady Lima?!
Lady Lima: Oh good! It’s the Mario Bros. and they let us out!
Luigi: How’d you get in there so fast?
Lady Lima: Why, we’ve been stuck here ever since Cackletta and Fawful attacked the town.
Luigi: But you just told us to fix the plumbing!
Lady Lima: Ha ha ha! Now why would I do that? The plumbing is our defense protecting our most valuable item!
Luigi: But if you’re down here the only way to get out would be to fix the plumbing!
Lady Lima: Your point is?
Luigi: That is the stupidest idea ever.
Lady Lima: Well you didn’t fix the plumbing,
right?
Luigi: Well, see, we kind of… did.
Lady Lima: Oh no! Quick, we must stop her!
Luigi; Who? Why?
Meanwhile in another room in the castle where a strange shining star resides…
Lady Lima (the fake one) suddenly becomes Cackletta! Then Fawful runs in.
Fawful: Quick O Mighty Mistress! If we do not make our escape of speediness soon the jam of the Brothers will fall upon us!
Cackletta: Eeyah ha ha! I have absolutely no idea what you said but that’s normal! Soon the Beanstar will be in my grasp!
A forcefield covering the star flickers and goes out.
Cackletta: Excellent! Fawful, get the star!
Fawful: Of course I will get the star! The star whose mightiness which is only countered by the brilliant mustard of your bread!
Cackletta: Just get it.
Fawful attempts to get the star, but at that moment the forcefield flickers on.
Fawful: Ouchy! Owie! Pain!
The forcefield flickers off.
Cackletta: What’s going on?
Back in the basement…
Luigi: Stay in there!
Spiny: No way! It’s cold and uncomfortable!
Lady Lima: Uh, Luigi…
Luigi knocks out the Spiny and wedges him so deeply into the pipe there’s no way he could ever get out on his own.
Lady Lima: Great! Now Cackletta will get the Beanstar!
Luigi: So? Why does she want a vegetable?
Lady Lima: It’s not a vegetable! It grants wishes!
Luigi: So? She probably wants a new chair.
Lady Lima: No! She wants to rule the world!
Luigi: So why did she take Peach’s voice?
Lady Lima: She needs it so she can awaken the Beanstar! Now get up there!
Lady Lima pushes the Bros. up the stairs.
At the Beanstar...
Fawful: I think the field of forces is off.
Cackletta: Fine! I’ll take the Beanstar this time!
Cackletta takes the Beanstar and gets in her rocket chair just as the Mario Bros. show up.
Luigi: Can we please not fight?
Mario: Let’s-a go!
Cackletta: Eeyah ha ha! You won’t be fighting me or Fawful! Say hi to the queen!
Cackletta and Fawful take off. A huge muscular green person bursts through the walls.
Luigi: Queen Bean?!
Lady Lima: Oh no! Cackletta made her eat a Belly Blech Worm!
Luigi: I don’t even want to know.
Queen Bean: GROOO! RAR! Scary noises!
Mario jumps on her only to be hurt by her pointy crown.
Mario: Owie!
Luigi: HA! For once I’m not being hurt- AAHH! Mario no!
Mario launches Luigi at Queen Bean. She punches him in midair and he is sent flying into a wall.
Luigi: Ow.
In the basement…
Spiny: Almost free… Aw I give up.
The Border Patrol Bros. show up and spot the Spiny.
Bro 1: Hey, have you seen a red or green guy around here?
Spiny: Yes! I’ll tell you where they went if you get me out of here!
Bro 2: Okay!
They pull him out. A huge jet of water smacks into the Bros, sending them through the ceilings of both floors.
Luigi: (seeing them pass) Hey, was that the Border- Ack!
Luigi gets hit in the head by a chunk of plaster, knocking him out. The forcefield comes on, shocking and knocking out Queen Bean.
Lady Lima: Oh no! What will we do?
Mario: Okeydokey!
Lady Lima: What’s that? You and your brother will cure her?
Luigi: (waking up) What? Oh no! Mario, you didn’t volunteer us for something again, did you?
Lady Lima: Yes he did! Now go to Chucklehuck Woods by Chateau De Chucklehuck and get some Chuckola Cola to heal her. Take this Beanbean Brooch.
Mario attempts to take it but Luigi grabs it first.
Luigi: Uh uh! This time I’m taking it.
As they leave the castle a Beanbean person runs after them.
BB Person: Wait! I have something for Mario!
They stop and turn around to see he’s holding something shiny.
Luigi: What is that?
BB Person: It’s a badge! Mario gets it because he’s special! And you’re not!
Luigi: Wow, you’re nice.
BB Person: Thank you!
Luigi: I was being sarcastic.
BB Person: That’s nice.
Luigi: … I hate this place.
BB Person: The badge makes Mario look cool!
Mario: I’m the winner!
Luigi: I think it makes him look like a dork.
Mario throws the badge at Luigi, knocking
him out (again), and then carries him off to the Chateau.
Part 5: Chucklehuck Woods
Soon Mario reaches the southern area of Beanbean kingdom; just outside Chateau de Chucklehuck. Luigi wakes up.
Luigi: That does it! I’m sick of your cruelty to me! I’m going to get you! I’m going to-
Mario picks up a large rock.
Luigi: Be real quiet.
Mario puts the rock down.
Luigi: You’re a really bad role model for your younger brother.
Mario: Okeydokey!
Luigi: (whispering) Idiot.
Outside the entrance to the Chateau they run into a few guards.
BB Guard 1: We are not letting you pass!
Luigi: We didn’t say anything!
BB Guard 2: Your trickery falls on deaf ears!
Luigi: But we have the Beanbean Brooch!
BB Guard 3: How do we know it’s not fake? You could be Cackletta in disguise!
Luigi: But we got it from Lady Lima herself!
BB Guard 1: A likely story! We know that Lady Lima has been impersonated twice by Cackletta!
Luigi: How do you know that?
BB Guard 2: Magic.
Luigi: What the? That doesn’t make sense!
BB Guard 3: Ha! That proves you’re Cackletta!
Luigi: How? She’s a witch, and witches use magic.
BB Guard 1: Uh, that’s what you think!
Luigi: Enough with this! You guys are as crazy as my brother and just about as coherent. All I want to know is if there is a way for me to get past you. If you say no I will finally have a valid excuse for abandoning this stupid quest, so please say no.
BB Guard 2: Well there is one way…
Luigi: *sigh* What is it?
BB Guard 3: You must beat us in Pokershroom!
Luigi: No.
BB Guard 1: I hear that you will be rewarded with riches beyond your wildest dreams if you defeat Cackletta.
Luigi: Yeah right.
BB Guard 2: You could win Princess Peach’s hand in marriage, I bet.
Luigi: She’s almost as idiotic as Mario. Why do you want me to beat Cackletta?
BB Guard 3: Because we really want to play Pokershroom! Alright, how about this: If you defeat her we’ll pay to have Mario shipped to Dark Land covered in cement from the neck down, his mouth taped shut and a note attached to him full of mean insults about Bowser, his family, and Koopas in general.
Luigi: Okay! How do you play?
BB Guard 1: Okay, first rule is: you bet everything you own and we always win.
Luigi: You’ve got to be kidding me.
BB Guard 2: Nope.
Luigi: Can I see the cards?
BB Guard 3: Okay! We always show people our really cool cards!
Luigi: I see. These are nice. Except…
Luigi throws them on the ground.
Look Mario, Goombas!
Mario: Destroy!
Mario starts jumping on the cards.
BB Guard 1: Oh, what’s he going to do, flatten them?
Luigi: Yeah. Too bad he’s wearing cleats. Can’t get as much velocity.
The guards’ eyes almost pop out of their heads as they realize Mario’s shredding the cards.
Guards: AAAAHHHHH! Okay you can pass!
Luigi grabs Mario and they run into the Chateau. The guards are forced to slowly tape their cards back together. Ha ha.
Inside the Chateau…
The Bros. see some weird signs and pictures explaining how Chuckola Cola is made.
Luigi: What the? “Tell the soda jokes to make it taste better? Good jokes will help it; bad ones will get you an eternity picking Chuckola fruit for Master Bubbles?” Who’s Bubbles? I thought this kingdom couldn’t get any weirder; looks like I was wrong.
Mario begins eating the pictures.
Mario: It’s-a pasta!
Luigi: How does that even bear the slightest resemblance to pasta?
The next room has a bunch of barrels set up in a sort of maze.
Luigi: Great! A maze! As if I didn’t have enough troubles already!
Mario: Whee!
Mario stumbles on air, falls into Luigi, and both of them crash into the barrels, knocking them over. A green man (It’s Popple) who was apparently navigating the maze runs into another room.
Popple: Blast! Poo! Criminy! I must escape!
Luigi: That was…weird.
Mario: Let’s-a go!
They run into the next room, where they find the green man talking to himself.
Popple: (not noticing them) Well at least they didn’t notice I took their hammers.
He holds up a pair of rusty hammers.
Luigi: So he’s a thief! Come on, Mario, let’s… Mario? What are you doing?
Mario: No one-a steals from MARIO!!! KILL!!!
Mario launches himself at Popple and starts crushing him.
Popple: Ack! No! Pain! I’ll just heal myself with some Mushrooms I took from this guy- AAAHHHH!
Mario: No stealing MUSHROOMS!
If Mario was vicious before, it’s nothing to how he is now.
Popple: Help me, Rookie!
Rookie: Okay, Boss!
Out of another room Rookie shows up.
Luigi: No way! It can’t be!
Rookie’s Bowser!
Rookie: Hey, do I know you?
Popple: A little help, Rookie! AAAHHH!
Mario: Mushroom thief! Kill! Kill!
Rookie: What’s your name?
Luigi: Uh, Luigi. Look Bowser…
Rookie: Who’s Bowser?
Luigi: Don’t you know who you are?
Rookie: No. I was found on a mountain by a Beanbean person, but than Popple stole me from him.
Popple: I did not! I “borrowed” him for an extended time period!
Luigi: Is there anything you didn’t steal?
Popple: I don’t steal everything. Ha ha! I got your hat Red! Oh-
Popple’s screams can only be heard by dogs.
Luigi: So you like this guy?
Rookie: Not really. I’m kind of stuck with him.
Luigi: I’m stuck with Mario!
Rookie: Really?! Wow!
Luigi: I can tell we’re going to be best friends!
Rookie: Does Mario treat you like scum?
Luigi: Yes! You too?
Rookie: Uh huh!
Popple: I don’t think I can feel pain anymore.
Mario takes the two hammers and starts smashing him with them.
Popple: Yes I can! OOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!
Mario slams Popple and he goes flying through the Chateau.
Rookie: Uh oh! I’d better go get him!
Luigi: Aww! Don’t go!
Rookie: Don’t worry, we’ll see each other again.
Rookie leaves.
Luigi: Wow. Someone who actually understands me! And from an amnesiac Bowser, too!
The next area has a rocking barrel in it.
Luigi: AAAAAHHHH! Possessed barrel! Destroy it!
Luigi uses his hammer to smash the barrel into little pieces and out come Cork and Cask, the strange-looking French guys.
Cork: Oui! Why’d you do that to Cask and me?!
Cask: Coreect! We were playing the barrel game!
Luigi: Okay two things: First, drop the French accents. They are so fake.
Cork: Really? We’ve been working on them for three years!
Luigi: … That’s just sad.
Cask: You said there was another thing.
Luigi: Oh, right. What is the barrel game?
Cork: We hide in a barrel and the first one to come out loses!
Luigi: … That is the stupidest game ever.
Cask: Well as punishment, I mean “reward” for “rescuing” us, we are going to teach you guys some new moves!
Luigi: Useless moves?
Cork: That depends.
Luigi: On what?
Cask: On whether you can find a use for them.
Luigi: Again I go… fine! Be mysterious. We didn’t want to learn those moves any-
Mario begins jumping up and down.
Luigi: Correction, I don’t want to learn the moves. And no, I don’t care if you do, Mario; we’re leaving.
Luigi starts dragging Mario with him to the woods.
Cork: Oh no you don’t!
He hits a button, sending bars across the doors and windows.
Luigi: Maybe you didn’t hear me; I’m not going to learn your stupid moves and you can’t make me!
Mario: ATTACK!
Mario knocks Luigi out.
Cask: Uh, good job, but we need him for the moves.
Mario: Okeydokey!
Mario slams his hammer on Luigi’s foot.
Luigi: OWIE! Ouch! Owwww…
20 minutes later…
Cork: Are you done now?
Luigi: Well I still have some emotional pain, but yeah, I’m done.
Cask: Okay, the first one is Mini-Mario. Luigi, hit Mario with your hammer.
Luigi: Cool!
Luigi hits Mario with his hammer and Mario becomes very small.
Cask: See? This move is useful.
Luigi: Hee hee! Tiny Mario! Wait… How is this move useful?
Cask: Well you need it for the challenge we’re going to give you after we teach you these moves.
Luigi: Uh uh! I am not doing your stupid challenge!
Cask: Too bad! Attack dogs!
A bunch of dogs jump out of fruit boxes and start growling.
Luigi: Uh, I’d love to do your- Ow!
Mini-Mario starts hammering Luigi.
Cork: Oh, to make him big again, just hit him with your hammer.
Luigi hits Mario with his hammer, returning him to normal size.
Cork: Alright, the next move is called the Luigi Dunk. Mario, hit Luigi with your hammer.
Mario: Okeydokey!
Luigi: Please no! Have mercy! AAAHHH!
Mario hits Luigi, sending him underground.
Cork: To come out just jump.
Luigi: YAAH! Oh good. I didn’t like it in there.
Cask: Alright, we want you two, to get us some wine goblets in the next room.
Cork: To get them you must use Mini-Mario and Luigi Dunk.
Cask: Mini-Mario can get you through small doors, and Luigi Dunk can get you under fences but not through steel flooring.
Luigi: Okay… Can you show me how to get the Luigi Dunk goblet?
Cork: Yes! Follow us.
They go to another room and stand in front of a fence. Cask hits Cork, sending him under the fence. Than Cork pops up and hits a button to open the fence and lets Cask in. Luigi grabs some steel flooring and sticks it where the fence is, then hammers the fence down until it’s stuck.
Cork: Hey! Why’d you do that?
Luigi: Well, I think you guys can get the wine goblets on your own and I want to leave now, so bye!
Mario and Luigi run off into the woods.
Cask: So what do you want to do now?
Cork: Let’s play the barrel game!
Cask: There are no barrels.
Cork: Well let’s play with pretend barrels!
Cask: This is going to be boring.
In the woods…
Mario and Luigi come to a fence. For once they decide to work together. Mario hits Luigi, performing the Luigi Dunk. Luigi goes under the fence, pops up, and opens it up for Mario.
Luigi: Who would have thought we’d actually use those moves?
As soon as they cross into the next clearing they run into a huge bad guy army consisting of Pestnuts, Chuck Guys, and Fuzzbushes!
Pestnut: I’m just a Beanie with shyness issues!
Chuck Guy: I like to throw things!
Fuzzbush: I’m really creepy!
Luigi gets ready to fight when he notices Mario’s sleeping.
Luigi: Come on Mario! Help me!
Mario: *snore, snore*
Luigi: Grrrr! Why you! Wait, I know how to get him to fight…
Bad Guy Army: Can you hurry up?
Luigi: Just give me a moment…
Luigi takes Mario’s hat and throws it in the army of enemies.
Army: ?
Mario wakes up.
Luigi: Look Mario, they stole your hat!
Mario: No one-a steals MARIO’S HAAAAAAAAATTTTTT!
Army: O_O!
Mario wades into the army. 15 seconds later, three Beanies are left.
Beanies: EEP!
They run away. Mario picks up and puts on his hat.
Mario: I’m the winner!
As they continue through the woods they come across a place with a sign, a barrel, and a switch.
Luigi: (reading sign) Well it looks like we have to put the barrel over there so we can reach the switch. Let’s pick it up and-
Mario: Luigi Dunk!
Luigi: What?! No! Just pick it- Woah!
Mario throws his hammer at Luigi, but it misses and hits the switch, opening up the path.
Luigi: I am going to try to deal with the fact that you almost killed me and I am just going to keep going through the woods.
Mario: Okeydokey!
Soon they reach another area with a barrel, a footpad, and a laser face on the wall.
Luigi: I think something will happen if I stand on this pad- AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
The face shoots out a laser blast, hitting Luigi.
Luigi: Ouch! Well if I put this barrel in front of the pad and then stand on- AAAHHH!
The laser blast hits, breaks, and goes through the barrel, hitting Luigi.
Luigi: That does it! Die stupid face!
Luigi smashes it with his hammer. It blows up in his face.
Luigi: AAAAAHHHH! The pain!
A path opens up. Mario heads toward it. Luigi manages to get himself up and follows Mario. Soon they come to fork. However the right and left passages are blocked so they head up the center, which is blocked by a huge tree.
Luigi: I guess we have to turn around…
The tree opens its eyes.
Luigi: Did that tree just look at me?!
The tree opens its mouth and begins talking.
Chuckleroot: I am Chuckleroot, guardian of Mother Chuckola and… what are you doing?
Luigi: Die you evil tree!
Chuckleroot: I’m not evil.
Luigi: Then why can you talk?
Chuckleroot: … You are an idiot. To pass you must collect red, white and purple Chuckola fruit. I will unblock those paths.
Luigi: Why do we have to get them?
Chuckleroot: Uh, because I’m an evil tree and will hurt you if you don’t?
Luigi: EEP!
Mario and Luigi run off to the left path. They come to another fork. They take the left again and run into…
Granddaughter of Chuckleroot (or GD of C): I am the Granddaughter of Chuckleroot and I am most displeased that you entered a lady’s room uninvited! Just for that I won’t open the fence over there.
Luigi (who is not afraid of this tree because it’s small): This is your room? It’s just a clearing in the forest.
GD of C: I make do.
Luigi: Also, how do you know you’re related to Chuckleroot?
GD of C: Well because, uh… because…um (trails off…)
Luigi: And another thing: how do you know you’re a girl tree? Aren’t all trees its?
GD of C: Well no! Girl trees are… well guy trees are… AAAHHHH! My whole world is turned upside down!
She runs off and hits a switch that opens the fence.
Mario: How-a did you know how to-a do that?
Luigi: Teenage girls are the same everywhere, no matter what species they are and… wait… what did you say?
Mario: Let’s-a go!
Luigi: (suspiciously) Right.
The next clearing the Brothers enter has a large hedge in it. Luigi looks through a peephole in the hedge and spies the Red Chuckola Fruit!
Luigi: Awesome! We just need to find an opening…
He walks over to the other side of the hedge and sees what looks like a huge caterpillar (It’s a Wiggler) blocking the opening to the hedge.
Luigi: What the? What’s with the oversized caterpillar?
Mario: It’s-a squishing time!
Luigi: Huh? No Mario!
Mario jumps on the Wiggler and it turns around… and turns red.
Luigi: Oh no! That’s a Wiggler! AAAAHHHH!
The Wiggler rams into Luigi, sending him flying over the wall to where the Red Chuckola Fruit is.
Luigi: Cool!
He grabs the fruit and crawls through a tiny opening to see Mario battling the Wiggler.
Luigi: Wow! He’s actually pulling his own weight for once! I’d better go help him.
Mario is alternating between jumping and hammering the Wiggler, but it doesn’t seem to be doing any damage. In fact it’s just getting angrier! Then Mario hits one more time and runs away.
Luigi: What? Stupid coward. Take this, you big bug!
Luigi hits the Wiggler. It gets so angry that it explodes… right on Luigi!
Luigi: X_X!
Mario: Let’s-a go!
Mario drags Luigi back to the last fork, wakes him up, and leads him to the right path. On the way Luigi attempts to have a conversation with Mario…
Luigi: Why didn’t you tell me it was going to explode?!
Mario: I’m the winner!
Luigi: That doesn’t explain anything!
Mario: Okeydokey!
Luigi: Ugh.
After a little while they come to another hedge. Luigi jumps high enough to see the White Fruit.
Luigi: Yes! There’s the next one! I bet we have to solve a- WOAH!
Mario uses his hammer to break through the hedge and grabs the White Chuckola Fruit!
Mario: I’m the winner!
Luigi: Can you say anything else? Or is that too hard for you?
Mario: Game over!
Luigi: That doesn’t make any- Ack!
Mario hits Luigi over the head with his hammer, knocking him out. Than Mario jumps on him until he wakes up.
Luigi: Ow. You know I have been continuously knocked out in this adventure and you haven’t been seriously hurt by anything. That’s not cool!
Mario: Okeydokey!
Luigi: Why do I ever expect to get a reasonable answer from you?
The Brothers backtrack until they get to the first fork. This time they take the right path. They continue until they get to a cave. They enter. They see the Purple Chuckola Fruit high up on a ledge.
Luigi: How are we supposed to get up there?
Mario: Hi-yaa!
Luigi: NOOOOOOO!
Mario smacks the cave wall with his hammer. Nothing happens.
Luigi: Phew! I thought there would be an avalanche- NOOOO!
Mario smacks it again. A rock falls down. It misses them, and bounces on the ground and squashes the Fruit.
Luigi: NOOOOOO! Now what do we do?!
Mario: Let’s-a go!
Luigi: I guess we have no choice.
They head back to Chuckleroot.
Chuckleroot: Did you get my fruit?
Luigi: Uh, well… We have Red and White Chuckola Fruit.
Chuckleroot: And Purple…?
Luigi: Um… see… Mario squished it! Please don’t hurt me, evil tree!
Chuckleroot: I am not evil. You are not very bright. Did you squish it, Mario?
Mario: I’m the winner.
Chuckleroot: … I am detecting a family resemblance. If this is true then that means I don’t have to make Fruity Pie and my wife won’t get angry with me. You two may pass.
He moves aside, allowing the two to continue. They cross through a long tunnel, then go in a large tree. Inside they see an old man (Bubbles) telling bad jokes to a barrel of soda.
Bubbles: How many sodas does it take to screw in a light bulb? None! Sodas don’t screw in light bulbs!
Luigi: … That is just pathetic.
Than they notice Popple and Rookie tied up in a corner.
Rookie: Hey Luigi! Can you help us?
Luigi: What happened?
Rookie: I found Popple in here but then this nut sneaked behind us and knocked us out! Then he tied us up! I’ve been stuck here listening to his jokes for two hours! It’s just torture!
Luigi winces at the thought. Bubbles seems to notice him and Mario for the first time.
Bubbles: Oh my! More visitors! Maybe they want to be joke disciples? The other ones aren’t ready yet but these ones appear to be.
Luigi: I do not want to be anyone’s disciple!
Bubbles: Oh… That’s too… bad.
Popple wakes up.
Popple: Hey you! Bad joke guy! Before you tied me up I snatched your wallet! *holds up a wallet* Ha ha!
Bubbles: I do not have a wallet.
Popple: What? Oh shoot! This is my dad’s! I am going to be in so much trouble!
Bubbles: Since you do not want to be my disciples I must eliminate you. Arise, Chuckolator!
The barrel full of soda begins to shake. Then it turns into a huge soda monster thingy!
Chuckolator: I am soda!
Luigi: This is not good!
Mario: Hi-yaa!
Mario jumps on it while smacking it with his hammer. It takes a lot of damage. But then Bubbles says another bad joke, and it powers up again!
Luigi: Dang! It seems to be strengthened by his bad jokes! But what if a lot of jokes were told…? Hey Bubbles!
Bubbles: Yes future disciple?
Luigi: (shivering at the thought) I bet you can’t tell a hundred jokes in a minute!
Bubbles: Oh? Watch.
He begins telling bad jokes. Chuckolator gets bigger and bigger. Finally, around 55 seconds in, it explodes. It sends EVERYONE flying!
Luigi: Maybe that wasn’t a good idea!