Part 10: 2, 3, 4 Beanstar Pieces Galore!
Luigi looks at their map. He and Mario have just gotten back to the Beanbean Kingdom and are now preparing to grab another Beanstar piece.
Luigi: I guess we should head over to the one by the airport. It’s by a place labeled “Harhall’s Studio”. Okay, Mario?
Mario: FIRE!
Luigi: I’ll take that as a yes.
They walk down there, doing the usual, you know, wading through water, running away from flying Beans, until they get to a tree with a cage hanging down from it. In the cage is a…
Luigi: The Beanstar Piece!
Suddenly a person comes running out of a nearby clearing.
Beanbean Person: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I can’t do it! I’m not good enough!
A second, considerably fatter one, waddles out moaning.
Fat Beanbean person: Oooh. I had to drink WATER! The horror!
Luigi: Okay. That’s strange.
Mario and Luigi then decide to try to open the cage. Unfortunately they can’t. Just as Mario decides that maybe the best way would be to throw Luigi into the cage, a third person runs out. A taller, feminine person yells to Mario and Luigi.
Harhall: Oh good! More helpers!
Luigi: Uh, wait. Why should we help you?
Harhall: Because I’ll give you the shiny rock!
Luigi: Okay! Thank, Miss!
Harhall: … Miss? Did you just call Harhall Miss?
Luigi: Um, yes.
Harhall: YOU FOOL! I am no woman!
Mario and Luigi reel back from this slightly uncomfortable burst of sound.
Luigi: I’m sorry! You just look like a girl and you ARE wearing what appears to be lipstick!
Harhall: Oh. Well as long as you didn’t MEAN it, then I guess it’s okay.
She, I mean HE, leads them into a clearing. The clearing has a hose, a water pump, and three pipes over a cliff. Past the cliff a ways is an island with a shirt stuck up on it.
Harhall: Okay, what I want you to do is very simple. First, one of you must drink enough water from the pump, and ONLY the pump, so that you become fat.
Mario looks at Luigi.
Luigi: Oh no, I’m not doing it! I know what happens next, I’ll have to get whacked in the head so all the water comes out! Well forget that!
Mario begins trying to push Luigi towards the pump. Luigi struggles so Mario takes out his hammer and swings. Luigi dodges and Mario hits the water pump, breaking it.
Harhall: O_O!
Luigi: Uh, sorry?
Mario: WHEEE!
Harhall: Why you, you… naughty people! You broke my pump! NOW what will I do?
Luigi: Uh, use the hose?
Harhall: Why… why that sounds like a brilliant idea! Okay! Continuing with instructions.
Luigi: Phew.
Harhall: Now colorful Bob-ombs will be coming out of these pipes. I call them Delightfully Yummy Equipment, or D.Y.E. for short! Isn’t that so funny you could dye! HA HA!
Luigi: Uh, right. So they’re edible?
Harhall: No, just colorful. Look, if I called them anything else it wouldn’t be so funny!
Luigi: Okay…
Harhall: Now as I was saying, you must hit the bombs with a jet of water to knock them on the shirt. The first wave will be colored ones and the second will have design ones. Use those to make the shirt.
Luigi: Uh, wouldn’t it be easier if the shirt was over here, and we dyed it normally?
Harhall: Are YOU the brilliant fashion designer?
Luigi: No…
Harhall: Then shut up! Now if you screw up Bleetch will make it all white again!
Luigi: Who’s Bleetch?
Harhall: I am!
Luigi: I thought you were Harhall.
Bleetch: I am, but I’m also Bleetch!
Luigi: You DO realize you’re insane, right?
Harhall: Am not!
Luigi: Fine! You’re not!
Harhall: HA! Showed you.
Luigi: Yeah. You showed me. How is Bleetch going to make it white?
Harhall: Magic!
Luigi: Right…
Harhall: Look, just do it, okay?
Luigi: Fine.
Harhall: Design bombs, come forth!
A trio of colorful Bob-ombs come out of the pipes. Luigi looks at Mario to see if he’ll help. Mario is too busy, however, trying to see how many blades of grass there are in the clearing. Luigi picks up the hose.
Harhall: Okay, just any design will do.
Luigi takes the hose and blasts the bombs onto the shirt. They make a horrible splatter shape on it that only covers part of the front. Next another trio comes out, this time with designs on them. Luigi blasts them too.
Harhall: Oh perfect! It’s beautiful!
The shirts are a horrid mess, with bits of mud and sticks on the front from the design bombs scraping the ground. Also the entire back of it is untouched.
Luigi: Right. And how many of these shirts do you sell?
Harhall: Well none have so far, but it’s only a matter of time.
Luigi: And how are you going to get the shirt?
Harhall: Easy! Watch!
Harhall sticks out his hand and makes strange gestures at the shirt.
Harhall: Come to me, shirt! Come to your MASTER!
Nothing happens.
Luigi: Right. Can we get the Beanstar Piece now?
Harhall: Oh yes. Here’s the key. Come to me!
Mario and Luigi go to the cage and unlock it. They grab the second Beanstar Piece. Only two to go!
Meanwhile at the MHA Headquarters…
Prince Peasley: Oh no! Apparently the arcade owner was unable to get the Beanstar Piece. Does anyone have any idea what happened to them?
Border Patrol 1: Uh… Apparently they got wrapped in tinsel and are currently being used as uh… decorations on a giant hermit crab.
Prince Peasley: … I see. That it is an unfortunate setback. Is there anything else?
Minecart Guy: Well, apparently Mario and Luigi just got another piece of the Beanstar, so they now have half of it.
Prince Peasley: I see. Any good news?
Border Patrol 2: Well Popple says he’s just about to breach the security of the Winkle Realm.
Prince Peasley: Excellent! Now I’m betting that’s where they’re going to go next, so Gigi, Merri, would you mind meeting up with Popple?
Gigi: Oh no, we don’t mind.
Merri: Nope, as long as we get revenge on those Mario Bros!
Gigi: They didn’t get us the Pearl Beans!
Merri: And the fat one has a crush on me!
Prince Peasley: Yes. You told us. Five minutes ago. And five minutes before that. And so on since you first showed up.
Gigi: Are you trying to say something?
Prince Peasley: Just go.
They leave.
Border Patrol 1: Also, there is a letter from Bubbles.
Prince Peasley: Oh good! Let’s see. His brother will only trade the Beanstar Piece if he gets seven Yoshi egg shells… That’s weird, apparently Boddle, the brother, wears them, and they’re scattered across Beanbean Kingdom, here’s a map to them all.
Border Patrol 2: Shall we hunt?
Prince Peasley: Yes! Border Patrol Bros, you each take one; Minecart Guy, go after another one. That leaves four for me. Let’s go!
They turn to leave, only to find their way blocked by a grumpy Queen Bean.
Queen Bean: And just WHERE do you think you’re going, young man?
Prince Peasley: Uh… out?
Queen Bean: I don’t think so. You’re room isn’t clean.
Prince Peasley: But Mom!
Queen Bean: Don’t try that on me. Clean it. Then you can go.
Prince Peasley: But I didn’t make the mess, these guys did!
MHA Members: HEY!
Prince Peasley: Well you did. We’ve had three hundred pounds of snacks up here since yesterday!
Queen Bean: I don’t care WHO made it, you’re all cleaning it up. Now get to work!
All: Grumble, grumble.
Meanwhile, outside Winkle Realm…
Luigi: Well, this is where the map said to go. I guess we should go over here… Oh, what’s this?
Luigi has found his way blocked by what appears to be a snail.
Winkle: You do not have fancy card, you cannot pass.
Luigi: Right… and where can I get this “fancy card”?
Winkle: Over there. Play game.
They head to a large building with the sign “Winkle Stadium” on it. They go in. Inside they see many Winkles. They go to the one at a desk, because he appears to be important.
Winkle 2: I am important.
Luigi: Yeah, I figured that. Can you give us a fancy card?
Winkle 2: Hmmm. On one condition.
Luigi: I was afraid of this…
Winkle 2: You both must hold opposite ends of a glowy rope while statues spit rocks at you. You must do this until a Winkle has crossed the room.
Luigi: What? Why?
Winkle 2: We need exercise, and we find the sound of people getting hit by rocks gets us in an athletic mood.
Luigi: I really don’t like this but I see no other choice.
Winkle 2: Oh, and it costs five hundred coins.
Luigi is stunned speechful (as in he is very loud).
Luigi: WHAT?! I have to PAY to get beaten up?!
Winkle 2: Yes.
Luigi: Forget it. I’ve already been beaten enough times on this adventure, I’m not going to PAY someone to do it.
Winkle 2: Then you don’t get a card.
Luigi: Fine, I’ll find another way in.
They go back to the first Winkle.
Winkle: Do you have card?
Luigi: Why yes, give me a minute!
Luigi backs up about twenty feet and holds out a Mushroom.
Winkle: I can’t tell if that is a card; can you come closer?
Luigi: Why don’t you come over here?
Winkle: Okay.
He starts to slowly travel to Luigi. Five minutes later, when he is ten feet away, Luigi snaps awake.
Luigi: Now, Mario!
Mario: Okeydokey!
Mario jumps out of some bushes he was hiding in and lands on the Winkle, smushing it.
Luigi: OH SHOOT! You were supposed to knock it over, not KILL it!
Mario: Oh, Game Over.
The Winkle, now shelless, oozes out from under Mario.
Winkle: (woozily) Strange, I seem to have misplaced my shell. Can you two guard my spot here while I get a new one, and also figure out why there are eight of you?
Luigi: Uh… Because you have double vision?
Winkle Ah. Bye.
It leaves. Luigi shrugs, and he and Mario go into the Winkle Realm, which astonishingly has no Winkles. However, nestled in a statue is the third piece of the Beanstar, and it looks like Popple is trying to remove it, with the aid of the Jellyfish sisters, Gigi and Merri!
Popple: Yes! Soon I’ll have it!
Gigi: Wait, somebody’s here!
Luigi: What are you guys doing here?!
Merri: OOH! I hate you guys! You wouldn’t get us Pearl Beans and the fat one has a crush on me!
Mario: Oh nooo!
Luigi: Uh, yeah.
Popple: These girls are the newest members of the Mario Haters Anonymous club, see? And I, Popple, master shadow thief, shall leave with the Beanstar Piece as soon as I get it down this statue! Gigi, Merri! Take care of them!
Gigi: Okay! Prepare to feel our jelly-like wrath!
Luigi: Uh, do you know what Winkles are?
Merri: No…
Luigi: They’re giant snails, and they live here!
Gigi: EEEEWWWW! Let’s get out of here!
They quickly run out of Winkle Realm, and manage to end up by Winkle Stadium. As they see all the Winkles they pass out from sheer grossness. The Winkles then decide to use them in their rock game.
Popple: Well you may have been able to beat them, but you’re too late! I have the piece!
Just as Popple tries to grab the piece, the statue falls on him. Luigi walks forward and grabs the piece. Only one left!
Popple: Ow. One day, Bros, one day, I’ll get you good. Heh, at least before the sisters left I managed to grab their wallets.
Luigi: Weren’t you working with them?
Popple: What’s that have to do with anything?
Luigi shrugs and he and Mario leave to go get the final piece.
Meanwhile at MHA headquarters…
Prince Peasley: There, Mom, we’re done. Can we go?
Queen Bean: Well all right, but next time tell your friends not to eat so many snacks.
She turns to leave.
Prince Peasley: (whispering) Yeah well, if you didn’t keep making them…
Queen Bean: I heard that. You’re cleaning the castle bathrooms tomorrow.
Prince Peasley: What?! But Mom!
Queen Bean: Don’t “but” me, you’re cleaning them!
She leaves.
Prince Peasley: (Grumble, grumble.) All right, let’s go. We lost a lot of time here, and we need to hurry if we want to beat the Bros. Since Popple hasn’t come back, I’m guessing the Bros. beat him to it. We need to get this last piece! Go!
They leave.
Meanwhile at Yoshi Theater…
Luigi: Well, this is where the last one is supposed to be. Do you see it?
Mario: Oh NOOOOO!
Luigi: Right. Wait, who is that?
They look at a large man in what appears to be a Yoshi eggshell. Next to him is a sniveling man.
Sniveler: But Master Boddle, please! Please, just something to eat! I haven’t eaten for three days!
Boddle: No. You should have bought something with your pay.
Sniveler: You give me Yoshi souvenirs!
Luigi walks up to them.
Luigi: Uh, Boddle, do you know where the Beanstar Piece is?
Boddle turns around.
Luigi: ACK!
Boddle: What?
Luigi: You look just like Bubbles!
Boddle: Well, no wonder! I am his younger brother!
Luigi: Uh oh…
Boddle: And speaking of Bubbles, he’s here now! In the theater. Shall I take you to him?
Luigi: No, that’s okay.
Boddle: Hey, do you guys know a Mario and Luigi? Bubble is looking for them.
Luigi: Uh, no. I’m, um, George! And he is… uh-
Mario: Mamamia!
Luigi: Peach!
Mario shoots him a look of pure venom.
Boddle: … Right. You want a Beanstar Piece? Bubble wants it too. It’s right here, on my shell!
Luigi: Uh… no, it’s not.
Boddle: Oh, right. I put it in my shell for safekeeping!
Luigi: … There’s something not right about that.
Boddle: Well if you want it you must get seven Yoshi eggshells for me. They are the ONLY thing I wear. What are you doing?
Sniveler is attempting to lick Boddle’s foot.
Sniveler: Trying to make you like me.
Boddle: That’s just gross. Go away.
Luigi: (whispering) Says the man who wears Yoshi eggshells…
Boddle, meanwhile, is in the process of punting Sniveler.
Boddle: And stay out! Okay, now where were we?
Luigi: You were going to give us a Beanstar Piece?
Boddle: No, silly man! Get my eggshells! Here, I’ll mark on the map where they are.
Luigi: What are Yoshi eggshells doing scattered around the kingdom?
Boddle: Who knows? All done!
Luigi: If you know where they are why don’t you go get them?
Boddle: I’m a busy man. Who has an eggshell obsession. Go.
They leave. They head to the first one. However, when they get there they run into Minecart Guy!
Minecart Guy: You two! I won’t let you get this eggshell piece! Prepare to feel my wrath!
They are dragged into a battle sequence! Exciting music plays!
Mario (43HP) and Luigi (34)
VS.
Minecart Guy (77)
Mario goes first: Smacky!
Minecart Guy: (65) Ouch!
Luigi: What is going on?
Battle Computer (the one that makes sure the turn-based combat is running smoothly): Unknown attack. Converting… Done! Attack is now Interesting Question! Damage being dealt!
Minecart Guy: (25) OUCH! Take this! Minecart flurry
Minecarts appear out of nowhere, dealing damage to both!
Mario: (40) Ow!
Luigi: Wait, is that even possible?
Battle computer: Converting…Verbal Block! No damage taken!
Luigi: Right…
Next turn!
Mario: Toss!
He picks up a rock and throws it at Minecart Guy.
Minecart Guy: (0) Oh NOOOO!
He disappears. A large screen pops up displaying items.
You got one Yoshi egg shell, two Mushrooms, and Syrup in a bottle! Health refilled.
Battle complete!
Luigi: That was weird, and also incredibly illogical.
Luigi soon decides that maybe he imagined it and at least they got the shell. So they head off for the next one. Amazingly when they get there they discover…
Border Patrol 1: Uh oh! You’re too late! I have the shell!
He runs off. They chase after him. When they catch up they find that he is joined by…
Border Patrol 2: Prepare to feel our largeness!
Luigi: Uh oh…
Battle sequence!
Mario (43HP) and Luigi (34)
VS.
Border Patrol 1 and 2 (50 each)
Mario goes first: Ploosh!
All: What?
Nothing happens.
Luigi: This is stupid.
Battle Computer: Converting… Witty Insult!
Border Patrol 1: (32) Ouch! Bro Attack! Border Jump!
They take out a rope and run at Mario and Luigi. They hit Luigi.
Luigi: (26) Ow!
However, Mario jumps up and lands on the rope, causing the Border Patrols to run into each other.
Border Patrol 1: (2) Ack!
Border Patrol 2: (15) This isn’t good!
Next turn!
Mario: Crikey!
A large crocodile falls out of the sky and lands on the Border Patrols, causing twenty damage to both of them.
Border Patrol 1 and 2: (0) Oh NOOOOO!
They disappear. The item screen pops up.
You got two Yoshi eggshells! Health refilled.
Battle complete!
Luigi: That is weird. Oh well, now we have three shells.
However, the next three places they go have no shells.
Luigi: Shoot! Someone must have beaten us to them! Well, I guess we have to head to the last one.
Luigi is fully expecting no one to be there, however when he gets there he discovers Prince Peasley trying to get one from a giant Piranha Plant!
Prince Peasley: Ack! You beast! Wait, the Mario Bros! Oh no! I have to get out of here!
Luigi: You’re the one who has the other three shells! Give them to us!
Prince Peasley: I think not! Goodbye! SHINY!
He shakes his head, causing a brilliant shine to blind Mario and Luigi. When it dissipates, Prince Peasley is gone! However, the Plant isn’t.
Piranha Bean: GROWOWJKNWJ!
Luigi: Right… Oh no! Not another battle sequence!
Mario (43) and Luigi (34)
VS.
Piranha Bean (93)
Mario goes first: Ploosh!
Nothing happens.
Luigi: Why do you keep doing that?
Battle Computer: Attack is… Good Question!
Piranha Bean: (67) ERRR! Fiery Ball!
Luigi: (22) OW!
Next turn!
Mario: Willy Wonka!
A large quantity of chocolate falls from the sky, squishing the plant.
Piranha Bean: (34) Ouch!
Luigi: You know what? This is stupid and I’m not going to do this.
Battle Computer: Converting… Three-pronged attack! Question, Insult, and Dismissal!
Piranha Bean: (0) Ack!
He disappears. The item screen pops up.
You got one Yoshi eggshell and a painful
burn! Refilling health.
Battle Complete!
Luigi: (rubbing his arm) That stupid plant’s fireball hurt!
Mario: Okeydokey!
Luigi: Well we should probably head back to Yoshi Theater, so we can get those eggshells from Peasley!
They quickly run to the Theater. Just outside of it they see Prince Peasley handing the shells to Bubble.
Prince Peasley: I am giving these to you, while I get back to the castle for cleaning. Although it is more logical for me to keep them, according to all laws of RPGs, the Mario Bros. cannot fight me yet!
The Bros. run up to them.
Luigi: Hand over the shells!
Prince Peasley: Oh no! Quick, Bubbles, fight them while I make my escape!
Bubbles: Of course!
Prince Peasley: Ha ha! See you later!
He jumps onto his Bean thing and flies off.
Bubbles: Prepare to feel my Jokey powers!
Battle Sequence!
Mario (43) and Luigi (34)
VS.
Bubbles (102)
Mario goes first: Ploosh!
Nothing happens!
Luigi: Why do you keep doing that?!
Battle Computer: Good Question!
Bubbles: Ha! Bad Joke! What did one soda say to the other? Nothing! Sodas can’t talk!
Battle Computer: Attack successfully blocked!
Mario and Luigi both take damage!
Mario: (27) Ow!
Luigi: (21) Pain!
Next turn!
Mario: Cap!
Mario takes off his cap and tosses it at Bubbles!.
Bubbles Oh no! It’s too fast! I can’t block it!
The hat connects.
Bubbles: (85) That hurt! My turn! Worse Joke! Why is soda the best drink? Because it’s so POP-ular!
Luigi: Wait. How did you have enough time to say you couldn’t block it, and yet be unable to block?
Battle Computer: Clever Observation! Attack blocked!
Bubbles: (56) Uh…
Battle Computer: And opponent is knocked speechless!
Next turn!
Mario: PLOOSH!
Luigi: Why do you keep doing that? Nothing happens!
Something happens! Ploosh has a low chance of connecting, but when it does it is an instant kill!
Bubbles: (0) NOOOOO!
He disappears. The item screen pops up!
You got three Yoshi eggshells! Health refilled.
Battle complete!
Luigi: Well, now we have all the shells! Let’s get the last piece!
Mario: Okeydokey!
They run into the Theater where Boddle is.
Boddle: Did you get my eggshells?
Luigi: Yes, they’re right here. Although how are you going to fit in them? They’re too small.
Boddle: Are you saying I’m fat?
Luigi: Uh, no…
Boddle: Maybe I won’t give the piece to you!
Mario: Oh NOOO!
He dashes forward, knocking Luigi into Boddle, smashing not only the eggshells Luigi is carrying, but the one Boddle is wearing too!
Boddle: Oh no!
He quickly snatches up an eggshell chunk to cover himself and then runs off beet red. As Luigi gets up he notices the Beanstar Piece among the wreckage. He grabs it.
Luigi: Now we have them all!
Meanwhile…
Prince Peasley: You may have almost wiped out my organization, but you haven’t defeated me, Mario Bros! I will prevail! Once my secret plan is in action…
Queen Bean: Stop talking to yourself! Keep cleaning those bathrooms!
Prince Peasley: (whispering) …and soon you too will be under my rule! HA HA HA!
Queen Bean: And you’re making dinner for us tonight!
Prince Peasley: But Mom!
What will happen next? Will Bowletta (shudder) REALLY give Princess Peach back? Will Fawful stop making Fawful-bots? Will Prince Peasley stop being punished? Will Lady Lima take over the Mushroom Kingdom?! Will Mario reveal his TRUE intelligence?! Find out all this and more on the next episode of Mario and Luigi Stupidstar Saga! (I get paid extra for saying all that.)