The Super Chef Show

By Double D

Tayce T. and Zess T. are standing in a corner, gossiping.

Zess T: …and you’ll never guess what I heard about Toadsworth…

The two whisper a little, then giggle a bit.

Tayce T: Tell me about it. You know, I was once…

Gourmet Guy: Heh, it’s a good thing nobody knows that you’re really sisters.

Voice: Uh, people, we’re on.

Zess and Tayce: WHAT?

Zess: Er, you're goin’ down , you old witch!

Tayce T: If you win, I’ll be a hog’s uncle!

Gourmet Guy: ALRIGHT! Well, folks, welcome to Day 2 of the Super Chef Show, where five contestants must duke it out not with fists, but frying pans!

Chef Torte: Moi’s favorite!

Gourmet: I mean, you cook it out to see who’s the best! So, anyway, before we get going, let’s check the standings:

Tayce T: 8
Zess T: 8
Chef Torte: 7
Toce T: 5
Apprentice: 2

Gourmet Guy: And here’s a quick word from a sponsor!

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Gourmet Guy: Well, it’s time for our third contest to start off Day 2! The category is… Best Full-Course Meal! Prepare your best complete dinner!

All contestants get to work. Gourmet Guy walks up to Mallow.

Gourmet Guy: Hey, Mallow! Why have you been acting so depressed?

Mallow: Yesterday, as everyone was getting ready to go on air, I saw Tayce T. without any makeup on. It was truly disturbing.


Mallow: Alright, is everyone ready? Yay! *smiles*

Mallow walks up to Tayce T’s door.

Mallow: Hey, Tayce T, we’re just about ready to start, and… Tayce T?

Mallow opens the door a crack, since nobody is answering. Tayce T. is sleeping. There are wrinkles all over her face and mushroom cap, her gray hair is all over, and there is a wart right on her forehead. Mallow turns green and runs into the door marked restroom.

End Flashback…

Mallow: You would be depressed too if you saw what I saw.

Gourmet Guy: (with a green face poking out of the restroom door) I see what you mean.

Mallow: You saw it too?

Gourmet Guy: It was just on a flashback, silly!

Mallow: … And you aren’t depressed by it?

Gourmet: Well, to tell you the truth, I don’t think she looks much better WITH makeup.

The two snicker.

In Kitchen 1…

Chef Torte: Should I make Mushvroom Deluxe or Chef Torte’s Special? Vell, Mushvroom Deluxe iz undoubtedly betteir, but ze other has moi’s name on it, so Chef Torte’s Special it iz!

Chef Torte grabs an Iced Potato, some great white Blurp meat in the freezer, a Fire Flower, and a Stinky Herb. He puts the meat in the oven, peels the potato, starts boiling the Fire Flower in water, and chops up the Stinky Herb. He then pours a cappuccino and sets it next to the soon-to-be-filled plate.

Chef Torte: Zis vill be wondeirful, ov course. It has moi’s name on it!

In Kitchen 2…

Apprentice: I know! I’ll make Mushroom Deluxe! Let’s see, one chopped Mushroom…

Apprentice chops a Mushroom into small cubes.

Apprentice: One mushroom top, cleaned out…

Apprentice slices the top off of a Mushroom, then cuts out the inside and throws it away.

Apprentice: One Shroom Steak…

Apprentice cooks an Ultra Shroom and takes it out, putting it on the plate.

Apprentice: Put sliced Mushrooms in Mushroom top…

Apprentice slides the chopped Shroom into the top, setting it on the plate.

Apprentice: Cook Golden Leaf and Poison Shroom…

Apprentice does so and sets the resulting Shroom Broth on the plate in a bowl.

Apprentice: And served with slice of Shroom Cake.

Apprentice quickly whips up a Shroom Cake and puts a slice on a small plate, then takes it out.

In Kitchen 3…

Tayce T: I’ll just make up a mouth waterin’ Deluxe Feast! I’d like to see anything else come close!

Tayce T. quickly cooks a Whacka Bump and a Strange Leaf together and takes the resulting dinner out to the judges.

In Kitchen 4…

Zess T: I’ll get ‘em all with this one!

Zess T. takes a Mushroom and Fresh Pasta and puts it on a plate with some extras.

Zess T: Ha! I don’t even have to prepare my best to win!

In Kitchen 5…

Toce T: I’ve been waiting for this! Time for my home-cooking to truly shine!

Toce T. mashes an Iced Potato, makes mushroom gravy and pours it over the top, and garnishes it with chopped Turtley Leaf. Next she cooks up a Turtley Leaf and Keel Mango and puts the resulting Koopa Bun on the plate. Then she takes a Mushroom top and sets it on the plate. She cooks an Egg, opens up the yolk, and pours it on the Mushroom top. She makes some Choco Cake to top it off and puts a slice on the plate.

Toce T: Made with love!

Back onstage…

Gourmet Guy: Wow! These all look wonderful! I’ll be fat before this is over! Hahaha…ha… Ahem, so let’s get down to it.

Gourmet Guy walks up to each dish, samples a little of everything in each, writes in his notebook, and steps back down to the main stage.

Gourmet Guy: Well folks, this is going to be tough. We’ll be back with the results and interviews after this quick break.

Roy: Hey you out there! Yeah, I mean you! Come to Roy’s Sports Hall for all the fighting action you could want!

An action shot of Grate Guy shooting an icy missile at Bowser is shown.

Roy: Visit the Hall today. I’ll even sit and listen to your long, boring opinions on who should win. Whether I actually count your opinion is up to me, but at least you can try!

A picture of Roy rolling his eyes while Double D carefully examines the choices is shown.

Roy: Remember, this is all you need, right here! Do it… or I’ll pound you!

A picture of Roy in a tutu is shown, and is quickly switched to a picture of Roy pounding on a Paragoomba, which fades out.

Gourmet Guy: Welcome back to the Super Chef Show! It’s time to sit at the edge of your seats and mindlessly watch tele- I mean to announce the winners! With first place, we have… Tayce T’s Deluxe Feast!

Tayce T: Two in a row! Beat that!

Gourmet Guy: Second and third both came awfully close, but in the end, this was the one that stood out. Everything was perfectly seasoned, the flavors all complimented each other, and I just couldn’t think of anything I didn’t like. I saw no reason not to give this second. Second is… Toce T’s “Family Deserves the Best” Meal, as she calls it.

Toce T: I knew I couldn’t do bad forever!

Gourmet Guy: This certainly was Toce T’s finest yet. I was THIS close to giving her first. The mashed potatoes were creamy and delicate, not to mention the gravy and the chopped Turtley Leaf. The Mushroom dish was pretty good too, but I had never heard of it before. The Egg on top was a nice touch, though. The Choco Cake was also mouth-watering. Anyway, third goes to Apprentice’s Mushroom Deluxe!

Apprentice: Finally!

Chef Torte: VHAT?! I should have made zat instead! I certainly could have made it betteir zen him!

Gourmet Guy: I must admit, Mushroom isn’t my favorite, but this was much better than anything with Mushrooms I had ever had! A stuffed Mushroom top, Shroom Broth, Shroom Steak, and some Shroom Cake to top it off! Like I said, it was great, but since I’m not a big Mushroom fan, that distinct flavor got old after a bit. Otherwise, this would have been a big candidate for firsy also. Moving on, fourth goes to Chef Torte’s Chef Torte Special.

Chef Torte: I’ll show you people!


Gourmet Guy: This really wasn’t bad at all. I liked the mashed potatoes, but Stinky Herb arranged in the shape of Chef Torte’s face… well, I think that was going overboard. Of course the Spicy Soup was pretty good, and the Blurp meat tasted like what it is: a delicacy. And of course no Chef Torte meal would be complete without a cappuccino. However, Zess T’s dinner just wasn’t what I’m looking for. We want something that would be served in the most popular restaurant, not just an everyday meal. Not to say that it wasn’t good, but it just wasn’t good enough. Zess T. could have done much better. So, now that the results are out, let’s see the standings:

Tayce T: 13
Toce T: 9
Chef Torte: 9
Zess T: 9
Apprentice: 5

Gourmet Guy: Soooo, you know what time it is! Spike, take it away!

Lakilester: Alrighty, I’m here in Kitchen 3 to interview the repeat first place winner, Tayce T! Tayce T, what place did you think you’d get from your dish?

Tayce T: I knew this couldn’t lose. I’ve been making this for 43 years, and every time someone takes a bite, they’re begging for seconds.

Lakilester: Getting first two times in a row is a pretty impressive achievement. Explain your thoughts on this.

Tayce T: Well, when you gather all of the best cooks (and Chef Torte) together in one place, it’s likely that it will be a heated competition. But when you finally weed out all the others there can only be one champ, and I believe that it will be me. One more first place for me and this show will be over. It’s that simple.

Lakilester: For all the cooking fans out there, could you give some tips on how to make a gameshow-worthy dish?

Tayce T: Well, the first priority is that you have to love cooking. If you cook half-heartedly, you’ll find that nothing will turn out the way you want it. Second, find the right ingredients! Experiment until you have them right, ‘cause you never know if you can make it better.

Lakilester: If you could choose the next category, what do you think would help you put away another first?

Tayce T: I really don’t know if there’s any category that I can’t conquer if I can keep it up. There really isn’t anything I can say here.

Lakilester: This has been Tayce T, our leader in the standings and winner of two consecutive first places. This is Lakilester, giving it to Mallow.

Mallow: So, Toce T, it seems like your home-cooking came through for you. Why do you think you couldn’t win first?

Toce T: Coming into this, I was sure that nobody had anything better. I was wrong. However, next time, I don’t think anyone will be able to top my dish.

Mallow: Well, Apprentice, you didn’t get to where you were shooting for, but third is certainly better than fifth. Do you think you have a chance left to win first and get near the top?

Apprentice: Yeah, I do think I have a chance. Really, my confidence has gone way up from last contest to this. I didn’t win the round, but I did beat Master Torte. I’m starting to learn that maybe I’m not just a worthless nobody, and that I can cook. Master Torte will be so proud of me! Or he might hit me for beating him… *shudder*

Mallow: It happened again, Torte. Fourth place twice. You looked much better in the first round.

Chef Torte: I don’t undeirstand it eitheir, Mallow. Gourmet Guy must have been in a bad mood, because moi’s special has neveir failed. How can you go vrong vith moi?

Mallow: Well, Zess T, you went from hot to cold, fast. Can you get back to hot again?

Zess T: The whole reason why I lost is just because I underestimated those other lousy cooks. I’ll win next for sure. I was just overconfident! Sheesh! Not saying that I’m always like that! I’m really very nice! SO DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME OVERCONFIDENT, YOU GOT THAT?! *huff huff*

Mallow: This has been Mallow. Back to Gourmet.

Gourmet Guy: Well, folks, we seem to be having a few technical difficulties…

The camera shows the sound booth in flames.

Gourmet Guy: …so here’s a quick commercial break!

Words on screen: Vote for Lemmy for mayor of Ice Land! Why would you vote for anyone else?

A clip of Lemmy shooting ice rays at random citizens is shown.

Words on screen: He’ll provide everything you need for a happy life.

A picture of Flurries, Piranha Plants, Nippers, and Buster Beetles waiting in line for a slice of bread is shown.

Words on screen: Don’t delay, or you’ll be sorry that you missed the opportunity. (Oh, boy will you be sorry…)

Gourmet Guy: Well, thankfully, our emergency sprinklers succeeded in putting the fire out, which we now know was caused by a flaming piece of food thrown at Tayce T, who was in the sound booth at the time. Although we can only speculate who did it (and I think I can), everything is all right now, and we can start the next round! The category is… Best Side Dish! Start!

In Kitchen 1…

Chef Torte: Let’s ze, I shall now choose vhich dish to make. Eenie meenie…

After going through the whole routine, Chef Torte ends up choosing sautéed shroom. He then gets out a Mushroom and a Goomnut. He cracks the Goomnut into small pieces, cuts up the Mushroom, cooks it over the stove, and puts it in the bowl with the Goomnut pieces with a light sauce.

Chef Torte: I vill vin zis contest, and it starts here!

In Kitchen 2…

Apprentice: Yes! Gourmet Guy won’t be able to resist this! Even it is a Mushroom!

Apprentice pours some Cake Mix into boiling water, and dips an Ultra Shroom into it. After letting it soak for about 20 minutes, Apprentice takes it out, puts it on a cold plate, and takes it out.

In Kitchen 3…

Tayce T: Some Potato Salad should win this contest in a jiffy!

Tayce T. whips up some with an Iced Potato and takes it out. She is a little nervous about her choice for a dish after seeing Apprentice’s Sweet Shroom.

In Kitchen 4…

Zess T: Nobody’s made anything like this before! Anyway, that fatso Gourmet could stand to lose some weight!

Zess T. tosses in a Turtley Leaf and a Horsetail and brings out the Healthy Salad.

In Kitchen 5…

Toce T. boils an Egg, chops it up, and puts it on a bed of Golden Leaves and Turtley Leaves. After tossing it up a bit, she takes it out.

Back onstage…

Gourmet Guy (on the phone): I’ll have one pepperoni pizza, extra sauce, and a side of… oh wait. Never mind. *hangs up*. There's some sides right here! We’re done, folks! Time to sample and get a winner!

After the usual routine, Gourmet Guy puts his notes on the table.

Gourmet Guy: We’ll be back with the results, the interviews, and the conclusion to Day 2 in a moment!

Robot Voice: Come to Smithy’s Computer Mart. Replace that old part on you printer.

A cinema of a Mushroom person replacing a part and the printer exploding is shown.

Robot Voice: Get an entirely new computer.

A cinema of Smithy showing a customer the huge computers, the customer getting angry, and Smithy smashing him with his hammer is shown.

Robot Voice: And get every tool of world domination you could want.

A cinema of Smithy showing a guy with a scepter, a cape, and a large robotic head a large robot labeled Magnus Von Grapple 1.0 is shown.

Robot Voice: Come here today. We greet every customer with a smile and a threat. Hahaha.

Gourmet Guy: Wow! This pizza is good! Who delivered?

Mallow: It’s not delivery. It’s DiGiorno. Oh, and we’re back on.

Gourmet Guy: Well, there folks, it seems we have our winners! First goes to… Apprentice’s Sweet Shroom!

Apprentice: YES! I’M NOT A FAILURE!

Gourmet Guy: You may be surprised, as I have said that I don’t care for Mushrooms a whole lot. However, this didn’t taste like a Mushroom much at all. Instead of that old, Mushroom taste, it tasted more like a cake. There was just the slightest hint of Mushroom, but it blended right in with the other ingredients. So, now that that’s over with, second goes to Toce T’s egg salad!

Toce T: Home-cooking works!

Gourmet Guy: This really was wonderful. After all those Mushroom dishes, I was starting to get a little leery of them. This was a refreshing change of pace. It wasn’t as yummy overall as Apprentice’s dish, but still quite satisfying. A side dish isn’t supposed to act as your whole meal. Our third place winner is… Zess T’s Healthy Salad!

Zess T: Ha! Take that, you first-class culinary losers!

Gourmet Guy: This was very similar to Toce T’s salad. However, the egg on hers gave it a little extra something. It just wasn’t quite as good. Fourth goes to… Chef Torte’s sautéed shroom!

Chef Torte: I’ll vin next time!

Tayce T: Oh dear…

Gourmet Guy: Not bad. But just when I was taking a bite, just when my hopes were so high… there was that Mushroom flavor again. Still, Chef Torte is a good cook, and he was able to make something out of nothing. For Tayce T’s Potato Salad… I’ll say the same thing I said about Zess T’s last time. It just wasn’t the best possible. Sure it was all right, but I was expecting much better from Tayce T. Now, here are the standings:

Tayce T: 14
Toce T: 13
Zess T: 12
Chef Torte: 11
Apprentice: 10

Gourmet Guy: We now take you to Lakilester in Kitchen 2!

Lakilester: My name is Spi… oh, forget it. Apprentice, this must be a bittersweet victory for you. You got first place and are still trailing in the standings.

Apprentice: Actually, I’m really encouraged. I got dead last two times and now won first! The rough part is over now, and I think this is a sign of things to come. I really can beat Master Torte, I really can do better than the rest, and I really can win this contest.

Lakilester: You sound really confident.

Apprentice: You got that right! Really, this contest has taught me one thing. I never was a failure. I never was an underling. I just thought I was. After this contest, there’s gonna be a new master in the Mushroom Kingdom!

Lakilester: I think you winning this contest was the biggest surprise we’ve seen yet. Are there more surprises in store, or is it just too good to be true?

Apprentice: Don’t worry. There are plenty more surprises coming, and soon.

Lakilester: If there was one thing you could have in that kitchen of yours that you don’t have now, what would it be?

Apprentice: That’s a tough one. The only thing that I really want in there, and I’m sure everybody else does too, is a camera into the other kitchens so I would know what everyone else is cooking.

Lakilester: You heard him, everybody. Don’t be surprised if we see another victory from Apprentice soon. Giving it to Mallow, this is Spike.

Mallow: Well, Toce T, you managed to get second again. What can you do to up it one rank?

Toce T: I’m not really sure. I’ve been putting effort into my cooking and preparing the best I can think of. If I’m going to win first, I’ll probably have to get the right category.

Mallow: Zess T, it must be disappointing to miss getting a high rank because of one ingredient.

Zess T: Are you kidding?! It’s more than disappointing! I’m about ready to blow my top!!! After this Day 3, Toce T. better not show herself around my place!

Mallow: Well, it happened again, Torte. Fourth. What’s going on here? You looked so good starting off.

Chef Torte: Vell, maybe I need to use more strategy. I’ve been randomly choosing moi’s dishes. I’ll have to think ov somezing betteir.

Mallow: This must be incredibly upsetting. You won first two times, then got dead last. What do you think made you lose?

Tayce T: Well, I just got overconfident. I thought that no matter what I made, I would win. I forgot that all of them (except Torte) are good cooks too. Next time I’ll bring out the best.

Mallow: This was Mallow, but not anymore. Back to Gourmet.

Gourmet Guy: I’m sorry to say this, but we’re out of time for today. Join us tomorrow for the sure-to-be-exciting finale! This is Gourmet Guy, for the Super Chef Show, signing off. Now about that pizza…

Read on!

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