The Super Chef Show

By Double D

Chef Torte is seen running around with a frying pan in his hand, swatting at a Mushroomer with gray hair and a yellow cap.

Gourmet Guy: Settle down, Torte! We’re on! Ahem, welcome to the Super Chef Show! Since Double D thought his Fun Fic collection would not be complete without a gameshow of some sort, he has decided to fund a cooking competition. Unfortunately (or not) Double D will not be showing up for the show, as he is too busy playing Paper Mario 2.


Gourmet Guy: We need you to help host the show.

Double D: Can’t… now… too… busy… beating… boss…

Gourmet Guy: But…

Double D: Oh yeah! 36 Star Points!

Gourmet Guy: Can you do it now?

Double D: Can’t…  now… too… busy… getting… badge…

Gourmet Guy: *sigh*

End Flashback…

Gourmet Guy: So, here are the rules: There are five contestants. Each one will compete against each other in a slew of contests. First place gets five points, second gets four points, and so on. Once all contests are over, the cook with the most points wins a bust of him or her in the royal kitchen of Princess Peach, 10,000 coins, a cookbook by Maitre Delish, and a copy of Paper Mario 2, courtesy of Super D Productions! So, we’re about ready to get going, but first, a word from one of our sponsors!

Suspenseful Voice: From the people that brought you the Super Mario Channel Awards, comes a whole new twist on an old theme…

A picture of Peach in Bowser’s Clown Copter, screaming for help, is shown.

Suspenseful Voice: A hero is born…

A picture of Baby Mario is shown.

Suspenseful Voice: … A myth becomes fact…

A picture of Luigi is shown.

Suspenseful Voice: … And chaos will ensue…

A picture of Yoshi looking at an empty cabinet is shown.

Suspenseful Voice: It’s coming, and if you’re not ready, you will be destroyed…

A picture of Mario eating random stuff is shown.

Suspenseful Voice: Mario’s Snack Attack, coming soon to an exclusive, snooty, no-way-I-can-afford-this theater near you…

Tiny, Going-very-fast, Hard-to-understand Voice: This film has been rated E for Everyone but should not be seen by those who are photosensitive (have had seizures induced by flashing lights or patterns) or happyhotelsensitive (have had seizures induced by people becoming insane).

Gourmet Guy: AND WE’RE BACK! It’s time to introduce our contestants! With control of Kitchen 1, straight out of the story we all know and love, it’s Chef Torte!

Chef Torte: I’m going to vin, because I’m feeling HOT today! Muehehehe!

Chef Torte notices he is leaning on a stove.

Chef Torte: MON DEIU!

Gourmet Guy: Inside Kitchen 2, a former abused underling, it’s Apprentice!

Apprentice: I hope Master Torte doesn’t hit me when we’re done…

Gourmet Guy: With Kitchen 3, one of the Anti Chef Torte Club, it’s Tayce T!

Tayce T: I’ll win this contest in a jiffy!

Gourmet Guy: In Kitchen 4, she’s new, but not new to cooking, it’s Zess T!

Zess T: Ha! Like I would really lose to a bunch of losers like you!

Gourmet Guy: And in control of Kitchen 5, it’s our novice cook, Toce T!

Toce T: My family loves my cooking, and so will you!

Gourmet Guy: I took the liberty of being the judge of the food myself, to be sure that the food gets judged by an expert (heheheh). So, contestants, you will find all the finest ingredients and utensils in your kitchens, with everything from Tasty Tonic to Turtley Leaves! Keep in mind that you have unlimited time, and you cannot take it back once you put it on the display in front of you, so don’t rush! Now, I will announce the first category. It is… Most Explosive Menu! You will have to prepare the best battle food you can think of!

Toce T: HUH?!

Gourmet Guy: Can’t you make a Coconut Bomb or something?

Toce T: No!

Gourmet Guy: Tough!

In Kitchen 1…

Chef Torte: Let’s see, vhat was the recipe for giant man-eating cakes again? Aha! One pound ov flour…

Chef Torte dumps a small bag of flour in a bowl.

Chef Torte: …three cups ov sugar…

Chef Torte dumps three cups in.

Chef Torte: …and a bunch ov assorted stuv!

Chef Torte dumps candy canes, candles, grenades, and a bunch of yeast in the bowl.

Chef Torte: Stir vell! Muahaha!

Chef Torte mixes everything while singing a song that says something about Tayce T. and a stretching rack.

In Kitchen 2…

Apprentice: Drat! Why do I have to forget everything Master Torte taught me now? Oh well, I’ll just invent something! Hmm, maybe a cup of gunpowder, some olive oil, and a wick will do well.

Apprentice dumps these ingredients in a small pouch, with the wick sticking out, and ties it up. Unfortunately, it drops onto the stove and the wick is lit, blowing the pouch up and charring Apprentice.

Apprentice: Oh, woe is me…

In Kitchen 3…

Tayce T: I believe I know a good recipe for this! Maybe a Fire Flower and an Egg…

Tayce T. finds these two and starts singing a merry tune as she cooks. It hardly takes any time at all for her to complete it. The resulting item is an Egg Bomb. However, Tayce T. accidentally drops it, making it splatter, and there are no Eggs left!

Tayce T: Hmm, I’ll have to improvise. Where did I put that brochure…?

In Kitchen 4…

Zess T. is scrambling to cook an Egg and Fire Flower, a Coconut and Fire Flower, and keep her contacts in.

Zess T: There’s no way I’m going to get beaten by that lousy lady with gray hair! Must… cook… perfect…

A timer goes off as Zess T. runs to take the Coconut off the stove. More timers go off everywhere. Zess T. runs everywhere just to keep her items from burning. After some time of running around, Zess T. finally takes the resulting item out of her oven to cool. She sticks a wick in the item.

Zess T: They’re gonna get blown away by this!

In Kitchen 5…

Toce T: Oh, what can I do? I’ve never fought, let alone used an item in battle!

Toce T. accidentally leans on a socket and gets lightly shocked. A transparent light bulb appears over her head. She begins to get ingredients out, and creates a small cloud by putting a sealed bowl in her refrigerator, then adds gray coloring and electrocutes the cloud.

Toce T: I saw it on television!

Five minutes later, back on the stage…

Gourmet Guy: Well, it seems that Tayce T, Zess T, and Toce T. are done, but where are Chef Torte and Apprentice?

Just then, Chef Torte walks out with a humungous cake and puts it on his stand, and Apprentice comes out with nothing.

Gourmet Guy: Well, it seems the food is all ready! We will now test it on a dummy made just for this contest. Chef Torte, please place your item next to the dummy and use it.

Chef Torte puts down the cake and the dummy is blown over by a wave of sand. It survives, but is ripped and tattered badly, along with having some of the cloth blown completely off.

Gourmet Guy: It looks like Bundt has made a return, and how! That’s going to be hard to beat! Apprentice, you’re up next!

Apprentice: Um, well, you see, I don’t quite have one.

Gourmet Guy: Well, then I guess you’re disqualified from this contest. Next!

Tayce T brings her item, an Egg Missile, to the dummy. It explodes, blowing a hole in the dummy.

Gourmet Guy: Wow! What a show! The next contestant is Zess T!

Zess T. brings up her item, Zess Dynamite, to the dummy. It blows off part of the dummy and sends it flying into the audience.

Gourmet Guy: Impressive! I think Torte has a worthy opponent for this match! Last up is Toce T!

Toce T. walks up with a Lightning Bolt. It crashes into the dummy, charring it.

Gourmet Guy: Quite nice! We will be back with the results after this short break!

Hammer Bro: Come to Iggy’s Casino! We’ve got everything, including your money once you come!

Iggy: Please do it! Nobody visits us anymore! The odds are fair and square, and you just could win enough to pay yourself back for all the money you already wasted!

Kamek: Don’t go to our rival, the Pianta Parlor! So what if they have fun games, cool tokens, and let you trade ‘em in for useful badges and yummy items? We love your money, I mean your business!

Iggy: Drop by today!

Gourmet Guy: Welcome back! The results are in from our judges, meaning me! First place goes to…CHEF TORTE!

Confetti falls on Chef Torte while he starts dancing badly.

Chef Torte: No vone can beat moi!

Gourmet Guy: Second goes to… Zess T!

Zess T: Am I the only real cook around here?! Everything else was pathetic! Sure that weird Koopa with the French accent won, but I’ll win next time!

Gourmet Guy: Third goes to… Tayce T!

Tayce T: If you want lessons, come back anytime, hon!

Gourmet Guy: And fourth goes to… Toce T!

Toce T: Yes! I didn’t get last!

Apprentice: Oh dear…

Gourmet Guy: Sorry, Apprentice, but nothing just won’t cut it. So, here are the standings:

Chef Torte: 5
Zess T: 4
Tayce T: 3
Toce T: 2
Apprentice: 1

Gourmet Guy: Joining us now is Lakilester, interviewing our winner!

Lakilester: Thanks, Gourmet! And call me Spike! Anyway, I’m live in Kitchen 1 with Chef Torte. So, what exactly gave you the idea to make a Bundt, instead of something else?

Chef Torte: Vell, Spike…

Lakilester: Thanks.

Chef Torte: Anytime. Anyvay, I remembered how much Mario and his friends struggled against Bundt vhen I accidentally created him vay back vhen. So, I just vhipped one up, and I von!

Lakilester: How does it feel to win the first contest?

Chef Torte: It feels great! People haven’t been focused on moi since ze latest chapter of my masteirpiece, and I’m feelin’ good!

Lakilester: Do you think you can win the next contest? I mean, this was an odd one, and the other contestants are all at least pretty good.

Chef Torte: Are you kidding moi? Zis competition ist mine! No pathetic Mushrooms or incompetent underlings are going to beat moi!

Lakilester: Speaking of which, what are your thoughts on competing against your apprentice?

Chef Torte: Ze fool ist done for. I mean, even zat horrible Tayce T. beat him, and she stinks! The only person he might be able to best ist ze novice, Toce T. I mean, he can’t be all horrible, because I taught him!

Lakilester: Well, we’ve just heard from the longtime “Master of Evil and Culinary Arts”. Back to you, Gourmet!

Gourmet Guy: Alright! We’re about to start the next contest, but first, we have Mallow, running a quick interview of the losing contestants.

Mallow: I’m here with Zess T, the second place winner. What are your thoughts on Chef Torte?

Zess T: He’s a loony with a good oven. He may have won this time by mixing random stuff, but he’s goin’ down!

Mallow: Tayce T, what are your thoughts on losing this contest to Chef Torte?

Tayce T: Hon, if he wins one, big deal! He’s horrible! Why, if he wins this next one, I’ll be a hog’s uncle!

Mallow: How do you happen to feel about coming in fourth?

Toce T: Well, for one, my item was good, it’s just that the others happened to know better ones. Plus, I mean, that was the weirdest category I’ve heard of! As long as the others are plain old cooking, I’ll win for sure.

Mallow: What do you think happened?

Apprentice: I had something, but it blew up in the kitchen and I couldn’t think of anything else. It was just bad luck. I’ll do much better next time. I’d better, or Master Torte will hit me for forgetting everything.

Mallow: Wow. The very mention of it makes me want to cry. As a matter of fact, I think I will. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! And now back to Gourmet.

Gourmet Guy: Well, I believe the next contest is ready to get underway! Our next category is… Fruitiest Dish! You must cook the best fruit-based food you know! Start!

In Kitchen 1…

Chef Torte: A little fruitcake vouldn’t hurt! Vhere’s ze nuts?

Chef Torte gathers some Goomnuts, Red Berries, Flour, and Cake Mix and begins to stir it up. It soon looks delicious. He puts it in the oven, sets it for ten minutes, and starts whipping up some frosting.

In Kitchen 2…

Apprentice: This is much easier! I love making fruit whip!

Apprentice gathers up several berries and Keel Mangos, then mixes them with Cake Mix and an Egg. After whipping it for about two minutes, he chops up more fruit and puts it in a bowl with the fruit whip on top.

In Kitchen 3…

Tayce T: This cooking brochure is wonderful! I’ll win this easy!

As Tayce T. starts preparing a dish, her trusty brochure falls into the trash compactor. She looks over to find the next ingredient, and in shock realizes that it’s gone.

Tayce T: Oh no! I’ll have to just try something else. But what?

Tayce T. sees an Apple, then Cake Mix. Apple. Cake Mix. Apple. Cake Mix. Tayce T. gets a smile as she grabs the Apple and Cake Mix.

In Kitchen 4…

Zess T: It’s about time I try this one! I need a Keel Mango and a Peachy Peach, if I’m correct.

Zess T gets out these ingredients and chops them all up, then puts them in a cup with whipped cream.

In Kitchen 5…

Toce T: All those years of watching cooking shows have finally paid off! And this is a favorite! I sure hope there is a Coconut and Peachy Peach around here…

Toce T. finds these ingredients and puts them in the blender. Soon, they are pureed and in a glass.

Toce T: I’ve always loved Fresh Juice!

Back onstage…

Gourmet Guy: It seems that all of our chefs are done! I will taste them and rate them on a 1-10 scale.

Gourmet Guy walks up to Chef Torte’s fruitcake, slices off a piece, and tastes it.

Gourmet Guy: Mmm, quite delicious.

Gourmet Guy writes something down in a notebook and moves on to Apprentice’s fruit whip, and eats a few spoonfuls. He writes more in his notebook, then tries Tayce T’s Apple Pie. After a few “mmm”s and “mmhm”s he writes and goes to Zess T’s Fruit Parfait. After downing it, he drinks Toce T.’s Fresh Juice. After all of his notes are complete, he steps back down.

Gourmet Guy: Well, I must say, all of them were yummy. Well, we’ll be back with the results right after this quick break!

Exited Voice: How would you like to fix any plumbing problem ever? Well now you can, with How to Fix That Hard Leak, Volume 189! Sure our earlier version didn’t work for Luigi, but because of this (and the cases of suing), we’re giving it away (virtually) free! Just call 1-800-TOILET now! Now you can have plumbing power!

Gourmet Guy: Now, time to announce our winners! First place goes to… Tayce T’s Apple Pie!

Tayce T: My food is unbeatable!

Gourmet Guy: The others were all great, but I just couldn’t say no to this. Wonderful, light crust… sugary flavor without losing the apple taste… nice decoration… it’s all here! Plus, this, maybe, is the most fruit oriented. So anyway, second goes to… Zess T.’s Fruit Parfait!

Zess T: This comes as no surprise. I let her win!

Gourmet Guy: This was very yummy. The fruit was sliced into just the right size, arranged in the right way, and the whipped cream gave it that finishing touch. Third is… Toce T’s Fresh Juice!

Toce T: How wonderful!

Gourmet Guy: I found this surprisingly refreshing. It had a nice frothy top, and great flavor below. Although not quite as good as the top two, I thought that this definitely deserved third. Our fourth place winner is… Chef Torte’s fruitcake!

Chef Torte: I’ll win next time!

Apprentice: Not again!

Gourmet Guy: This really wasn’t bad. The fruitcake had a light, carrot-cake like taste, only not with the carrots. However, the mix of nuts and berries didn’t really compliment each other, and the berries’ flavor didn’t blend in with the cake itself. As for the fruit whip, well, it was ok, but I think Apprentice really could have done better. Plus, this was too simple… just fruit in a bowl with fruit-flavored whipped cream. So, now that our winners have been announced, let’s see the new standings:

Gourmet Guy: Let’s see the new standings:

Tayce T: 8
Zess T: 8
Chef Torte: 7
Toce T: 5
Apprentice: 2

Gourmet Guy: And so, without further ado, I give you Lakilester in Kitchen 3 with our round 2 winner, Tayce T!

Lakilester: IT’S SPIKE! So, Tayce T, ho does it feel to win round 2?

Tayce T: It feels wonderful, hon. I’m glad that when it was all said and done, I was the clear winner.

Lakilester: What are your feelings on being tied with your Paper Mario 2 counterpart, Zess T?

Tayce T: She has skill, and I respect that. However, I’ve cooked for 53 years, she’s cooked for 7. Skill might beat experience sometimes, but in the end, I’m going to win.

Lakilester: What do you think of the novice, Toce T?

Tayce T: She isn’t bad, but like I said before, experience beats skill in the end. I don’t expect her to place better than 3rd, if that.

Lakilester: One more question before we go to Mallow. What do you think your chances are of winning the next contest?

Tayce T: It depends. If it’s not a wild contest, like the first one, I should be able to win. If it is an odd one, though, it might be hard.

Lakilester: You have just heard from Tayce T, cookbook author and longtime fan of the culinary arts. I’m Lak- err, Spike, turning it over to Mallow.

Mallow: Thanks, Spike. So, Zess T, why do you think your Fruit Parfait didn’t win? It looked delicious.

Zess T: I let that old hag win! She may have been cooking for eons, but I’m the undisputed best, and no old mushroomer is going to stop me! Sure she may be only three years older than me, but she’s still old!

Mallow: So, how do YOU feel you did, Toce T? I mean, third isn’t exactly going to win the show, but it is better than your previous rank.

Toce T: I think I did well. I mean, I never thought I would be this good a cook, let alone be competing in a televised show! Really, I’m satisfied for now, because nothing beats a home-cooked meal!

Mallow: What happened, Torte? You went from winning first place in contest 1 to fourth in contest 2.

Chef Torte: Ve all make mistakes. Zis vas one ov zem. Fruitcake iz not vone v moi’s specialties, and I shouldn’t ov made it. Next time I’ll bust out ze good stuff!

Mallow: Why do you think you lost two times, Apprentice?

Apprentice: Well, like my name suggests, I’m only an apprentice. Until Master Torte has taught me everything he knows, he is the better one at cooking. Plus, when you look at the other competitors, I really am disadvantaged.

Mallow: This has been Mallow Nimbus, reporting for the Super Chef Show. Back to you, Gourmet.

Gourmet Guy: Well, folks, it seems we’re out of time for now. Tune in tomorrow for day two of the three days! Remember, for nonstop cooking action, you can trust the Super Chef Show! Bye bye!

Read on!

Comments, suggestions, stories, or story ideas? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Fun Fiction.
Go back to my main page.