Part 2: The Infiltration
Previously, on No Time Like the Future…
>TV Summary<
Ludwig: I have found a way to beat, no, destroy the Mario and Luigi we know today. King Dad, the film’s saying that if you collect the four Time Stones scattered throughout the Mushroom Kingdom, you can go back in time and then sabotage the Mario’s future so that they never exist!
Bowser: So… Ludwig… where are the stones?
Ludwig: The book and film only said that the stones were scattered and did not give the locations of the stones. But, in the back of this book is a map in this book with clues relating to the location of the Time Stones.
Luigi: Mario! Ludwig took our good luck stone!
Later, at the Temple of Time…
Bowser holds all four Time Stones over his head. Bowser receives the power right before the Marios run in. The Marios ask for his plans and the King of Koopas smirks.
Bowser: Mahaha! I will make you my loyal servants, of course!
Mario: NO!
Bowser, using the powers of the Time Stones, creates a time warp that he steps through. Before Mario and Luigi can follow him, the warp closes. Shortly, however, they are pulled into a mysterious warp. Now the Brothers are traveling through time, and-
Well, actually, they are being pulled through time.
Announcer #1: What the- Hey! I told you to keep quiet!
Announcer #2: Hay is for horses… whatever they are! And I’m also an announcer, so you have to let me speak too!
Announcer #1: Why you-
The two announcers start to fight without a second’s delay.
Announcer #3: Well, while they are fighting, ahem…
Now the Brothers are traveling through time, and who knows where-
Announcer #2: Or when.
Announcer #1: Shut up, you idiot!
… Or when… the Brothers will emerge.
Some lame excuse for Mario music plays to a badly done title movie, switching between Mario eating a taco to a bad drawing of a Koopa with a bomb to a very, very, very bad-looking picture of Luigi.
>>TV Studio<<
Luigi: Oh, that’s it! I’m suing!
Wait! Luigi! Come… back…
Five hours later…
Luigi: Ah, oh well! I decided against the lawsuit because I’m at least on TV.
The title appears, which is better than
anything else on the title movie. The screen darkens and the episode starts.
Mario and Luigi are screaming at the top of their lungs (well, Luigi, anyway). Finally, they see a white light at the end of the tunnel of purple light. The hands that are holding onto them pull them into it, and the brothers are surrounded by light. The brothers black out and come to an hour later.
Luigi: Ohm… What happened?
Mario: Hey! I can’t move my legs!
Of course not!
Mario and Luigi see a small, yet very high-tech-looking Beanbean citizen. He has a scope of some kind in his belt along with a machine gun, a bag of grenades, a rocket launcher, and just about any other weapon that you could think of.
Beanbean: My name is Jacobin Diffusion IV. You can refer to me as Jacob. Unless our technology is mistaken, are you two not the famous Mario Brothers of thirty years ago?
Luigi: Why, yes we- THIRTY YEARS? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
Jacob: SHUSH! … Not so loud! We don’t want them to find us!
Mario: Who?
Jacob looks at the people around him. They each nod slowly, and Jacob nods slowly after them.
Jacob: Well, I guess we should tell you. You see, thirty years ago, after Bowser collected the Time Stones, he traveled thirty years back in time and kidnapped two babies that were just delivered to their parents. Yes, those babies were you two.
Mario stares at a blank wall, hoping to forget the story thus far.
Jacob: When he returned from the past, you two disappeared. Without any of the guards awake, nobody knew how you disappeared. Eventually, everyone decided on one guess: when Bowser snatched you as babies, it deleted you from the present. As the years passed, Bowser’s army captured many lands on Plit. But his most critical attacks were here in the Mushroom Kingdom. Five years ago, Bowser, and you two, now his most noble soldiers, did a direct attack on the castle.
Luigi: WHAT?
Jacob: I’m afraid it’s true. And it gets worse. When the castle was destroyed, the king and half the Mushroom soldiers were killed. Fortunately, Princess Peach was rushed out of the castle seconds before the castle collapsed. We rebels took her to our first hideout and switched her daily to another hideout to ensure she was never captured… Unfortunately, a Koopa spy found one of our hideouts, our headquarters, and launched a direct attack. Princess Peach was captured, half the army was decimated, and now, even our strongest soldiers aren’t going in there. Now, here is how this plan is going to happen. Tonight, at midnight, the princess will be married to Koopa against her will. Afterward, she will be killed, as Koopa doesn’t need a queen after he’s king.
Mario sheds some tears.
Jacob: But here is the good news. We, too, have done some spying. We have been really concentrating on the Time Stones’ powers. We formulated a plan to make a machine that can send someone back or forward in time. But with our restrictions, we only had enough juice to pull someone here ourselves. We thought of two things that cheered us up. One was we would pull you from the temple thirty years ago. The second was that you didn’t disappear; you were pulled back in time.
Luigi smiles.
Jacob: So, that’s it. We pulled you forward in time. Now we hope you can save the Princess.
Mario: Well, I don’t know… well, sure! FOR THE PRINCESS!
Jacob: SHUSH! Okay. Yoshi! Get in here!
Luigi: Wait! Yoshi’s still alive?
Jacob: He was an undercover Yoshi in the headquarters when it was attacked. He was barely hanging in there. So…
CRASH! A giant green robot crashes through the wall. It looks like it was finished recently. It has that glow that all new things have. On top of the nearly 10-feet tall robot is the head of a green Yoshi.
Yoshi: Yoshi, reporting for duty… Mario? Luigi? Are you alive? It’s been so long.
Jacob: Yoshi, remember. Your mission right now is to transport these two to Koopa Fortress. Take them through sector DZ4. Keep an eye out. There were some troop camps in that sector the last time we heard.
Yoshi: Yes, sir. Mario, Luigi, follow me.
CRASH! Yoshi crashes through another wall with the Marios in hot pursuit. They find themselves in a large empty room with just a few land rovers.
Yoshi: This is the garage. This is where the vehicles and other rebelic devices too big for the lab are created and dispatched. I was built here.
Mario: Let’s take a land rover!
Yoshi: Sorry. The troops would expect a land rover with the style we use.
Luigi: Then how do we get to the fortress?
Suddenly, Yoshi starts to transform. His arms and legs fold up into his body. His head flips toward the ceiling. He falls forward and sprouts wheels. His back opens to show a pair of seats and a complicated set of levers.
Luigi: Cool! You can transform into a giant convoy?
Mario: I don’t see how this will get us past those guards.
Yoshi: Hop in!
The Brothers do so. The hatch opens and Yoshi drives out of the garage. They appear out of nowhere and when they look behind them, the hideout is gone.
Yoshi: The hideout is veiled with a special and advanced system of networking.
As they enter sector DZ4, a voice is heard.
Yoshi: It’s a Koopa Camp. Press the red button!
Mario scans the panel and pushes the button. A flash goes off and disappears. They drive through the camp without any alarm.
Mario: Huh? How did we do-
But when Mario and Luigi look at each other, all they see is a Koopa Troopa where the other was sitting.
Mario and Luigi: Ahhh! Koopa Troopa! KILL!
Yoshi: WAIT! Before you two strangle each other, let me tell you that I have a built-in camouflage system that uses a holographic projector to make me and the passengers look like anything.
Mario looks at Luigi, who returns the glance.
Mario: Heh… whoops!
Luigi: … Let’s just continue…
The rest of the trip to the fortress is uneventful. Before they are near the gates, Yoshi stops and ejects the duo after deactivating the holograms.
Yoshi: I can only take you this far without being seen. You should get past the first few guards easily. Good luck!
Yoshi drives off as the duo walks to a chasm between the levitating fortress and the ground.
Mario: Well, this is it!
Luigi: Let’s go!
Mario: Hey, that’s my line!
When they approach the castle, er, fortress, it’s huge. Its turrets reach 10 stories while the fortress is a basic three-story. A gap with no bridge lay between the Mario Bros. and the front entrance.
Mario: How do we get in?
Suddenly, a shout from across the bridge responds.
Bob-omb Soldier: Oy! It’s Mario and Luigi! Come on in, fellas!
A bridge appears out of midair, closing the gap.
Luigi: (whispering) Let’s play with the act.
Mario and Luigi cross the bridge and beat up the guards.
Announcer #2: But if they beat the guards up, how can that mean that they are the Mario and Luigi Bowser raised?
Announcer #1: You dumb nut! Bowser said, “You can beat up any troops, guards, and soldiers in my army that annoy you.”
Announcer #2: I thought I had you pinned!
Announcer #1: Here comes the choo-choo train! YARGH!
Announcer #3: Anyway…
After they entered through the front door, they crossed the solo path across a bottomless pit. The Brothers then open the door to the main lobby.
Meanwhile…
A Koopatrol walks up to Bowser and reports Mario and Luigi have returned to the castle.
Koopatrol: … Thanks for taking my line.
Bowser: Okay, but you forgot something… THEY HAVE ALREADY RETURNED FIVE MINUTES AGO! Bring the second pair onto surveillance.
A giant flat wide-screen TV pops out from the ceiling. The monitor turns on and the cameras in the fortress show the Marios. Bowser recoils as he sees the Marios.
Koopatrol: Something wrong, sire?
Bowser: Huh? Oh. Heh heh, ah, oh nothing… Go away.
Koopatrol: Okay, whatever.
As soon as the guard leaves, Bowser whispers to himself, “So, you-
Bowser: LET ME SAY THAT! IT’S MY LINE! NOT YOURS!
… Okay, whatever! Just trying to simplify your job.
Bowser: So, you escaped into the future, eh? Well, Super Mario Bros, your lives are going to end now.
Back in the lobby…
Luigi: Mario, if we stay undercover, we might be able to sneak to Bowser’s throne room unnot-
SWOOSH! BOOM! CLICK! CLICK! The door in front of the Brothers closes and is locked in place by two huge hands resembling Bowser’s. Over the door, a head looking like Bowser’s laugh in a cybernetic, robotic way.
Luigi: …iced.
Mario: This looks like we have to shut the lock system down manually.
Luigi: Hmm… Well, there are two side passages from here, and I bet there’s a switch to this lock at both ends. Let’s divide and conquer.
Mario heads down the right path, Luigi the left. Luigi reaches the end of his path almost instantly, and spots the unguarded button.
Luigi: This is too easy!
SMASH! CLICK! Luigi hits the button and moves a hand on the door to the side.
Luigi: Better get to Mario! He may need help.
Mario indeed needed help. His passage led him to the guards’ corridors. The guards, upon seeing him, attack furiously.
Mario: OW!
Luigi runs up and joins the battle and helps Mario knock some enemies into the lava.
Luigi: Mario, I’ve noticed something. Is it just me or are all the enemies in the future ripped?
After they defeat the last of the enemies, the gate to a small area falls. Mario walks in and sees the button. SMASH! CLICK! DING-DING-DING!
Luigi: That did it! Let’s head back!
Mario and Luigi run through the halls until they are back in the lobby. Except…
Mario: Larry, Morton, and Wendy?
The three Koopalings jump and land in unison. They land on Luigi and knock him into the previous room.
Mario: Here we go!
The three Koopalings then jump into a souped-up robot and kick Mario. He flies into a wall. Luigi runs into the room with… a giant water hose?
Mario: What the? Where did-
Luigi: Never mind that!
Luigi opens fire on the robot, which explodes along with the Koopalings, who happen to be robots too.
Mario: The future doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense anymore.
Luigi: I agree. Let’s continue.
They go through the door and find themselves on the outside balcony. They see a strange green and glowing circle.
Mario: What is that?
Luigi: It’s a health circle. Step on it to restore all health.
Mario: Wow. How’d you know?
Luigi: The sign.
Mario: Oh.
They heal themselves and only take a few steps on the long balcony when… ATTACK! Armies of troops come marching along the balcony, pointing lasers at the Brothers.
Mario: Great. Now what?
Luigi: Hmm… Use your head.
A few seconds later…
Mario: BUT I DON’T WANT TO USE MY HEAD!
Luigi uses Mario as a human battering ram against the waves of soldiers, knocking one wave out. From that, the first wave acts like dominoes and topple the rest.
Luigi: That was easy.
Mario: Oh… my head.
They walk to the door at the end of the hall and find themselves in a chamber. The majority of the room is lava, with only a few moving platforms to support them.
Mario: Ah. Just like the good days.
They jump to the door to find it, too, has a Bowser lock (the one with the hand-like locks). But this one has a single release switch.
Luigi: Hey! There are two paths across the lava to the south. Let’s divide and- Hey! I’m not saying that again!
They ride over to the paths and travel to a couple of Simu-Blocks (you know, the blocks you need to hit at the same time). BOING-BOING! CLICK! DING-DING-DING!
Luigi: Come on, Mario!
They enter he next room to find… NOTHING!
Mario: What the blazes? It’s a dead end.
Luigi: Don’t say “dead”.
Mario searches the wall and finds a loose brick. He pushes it in and a staircase appears in the wall.
Luigi: Mario, I would tell you that you were a genius, but I’m not that kind of guy.
They go up the stairs and reach the second floor. They find themselves in a room similar to the one before. They exit to find themselves in a room with a narrow pathway around the lava in the center of the pit. As they walk around, a number of troops walk through the next door along the narrow path. As soon as the last few step on the path, a gate appears behind them.
Luigi: This fortress is a conspiracy to keep us from winning.
Mario: That’s the point of Bowser’s fortresses and castles. Now what?
Luigi: … Use your head.
Mario: Oh no! Not again!
A few seconds later…
Luigi: WAHHHHHHHH!
Mario uses Luigi as a human battering ram and knocks all the troops into the lava. The gate lowers.
Mario: Wait. The gate didn’t lower.
Suddenly, Roy drops from the ceiling… and lands in the lava.
Mario: … I think his accuracy is off.
Luigi: Ow.
They go through the door and follow the U-turn in the hall. They emerge in another lava room with a path through it. As they walk, Iggy, Lemmy, and Ludwig drop from the ceiling.
Luigi: This doesn’t look good.
Mario: Wait! I have an idea!
Mario runs into the previous room with Luigi and the Koopalings confused. He runs back in with a microphone in one hand.
Mario: Okay… I ran into a bar yesterday. Well, thirty years and one day ago. A Koopa got in a fight with a drunk. The drunk-
Luigi whacks Mario into the lava. He comes out screaming.
Mario: YEOWWWWWWWWW!
The Koopalings try to laugh. Because they are robots that can’t laugh, so they explode.
Luigi: Okay.
Mario puts on some overalls that aren’t burned and they continue. They reach another staircase, climb it, and gaze out at the sight.
Mario: Wow!
Luigi: Wow indeed! How can a wasteland like this be so beautiful at this time of night?
They are on the balcony in Bowser’s jaw. Well, the third floor is shaped into a giant stone head of Bowser. The balcony is in the open mouth.
Mario: Look! Another health circle! Let’s hit it and move!
Luigi: When did you become Mr. Spy all of a sudden?
They heal and continue. The next room is a large square with a large, red, and highly decorated double door at the other end. Before they can proceed, however, the doors behind them seal and seven Koopalings drop from the ceiling. Six are wearing ninja suits, and one just doesn’t move.
Mario: The Koopalings? Wait. What’s with Ludwig?
Lemmy: He’s still frozen in time from Part 1.
Mario: After thirty years?
Ludwig falls backwards.
Everyone Else: *anime sweatdrop*
Mario: Okay… It’s a two-against-six match. Luigi, grab whatever three you want.
Luigi: Still, Mario, I think it’s unfair everyone in the future is ripped.
Mario: Luigi, the Koopalings aren’t r-
Suddenly, the Koopalings gain big ripped muscles.
Luigi: ARGH! This is my point exactly! Everyone in the future is ripped! It’s not fair! They are ripped. The rebels are ripped. Why am I not ripped?
Mario: … Luigi, they had thirty years more training than us.
Luigi: Oh… I got it! Hey, guys! On the bottom of the fortress is a giant bag of wedding cake, chocolate, and anything you guys like.
Mario: …We’re d-
Morton: WEDDING CAKE!
Ludwig suddenly unfreezes.
Ludwig: CHOCOLATE!
All the other Koopalings: Guys! Wait!
All seven jump off the edge of the fortress on the outdoor balcony.
Mario: … I didn’t think that would actually work.
Luigi: Mario, get ready. Behind those doors will be our greatest challenge yet.
After a while, the Mario Brothers feel
they are ready, and they walk through the double door.
ZZZTZTZTTZ!
Announcer #2: Aw man! Dang interception’s failing!
Announcer #1: Tut, tut. I guess there will be a part three after all.
Announcer #2: Oh, I didn’t ask for your opinion!
Announcer #3: Oh well! I guess this will end the transmission for now.
Announcer #2: Wait! You need to ask endless questions to excite the audience!
Announcer #1: What did I tell you about-
Announcer #3: AS I WAS SAYING…
Silence…
Announcer #3: Will the Marios save the
princess before midnight? Will Bowser win the fight for good? Will
Announcers #1 and #2 ever stop fighting?
Announcers #1 and #2: Hey!
Announcer #3: Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of the Adventures of Super Mario!
End of Part 2