Paper Mario 1.5: The Eight Rods of Nib

By Lemmy's Campfire Tales

Luigi walks out of the house he and Mario live in for some reason, despite the fact that Luigi has a mansion and Mario has his own private island, not to mention a castle. Luigi sees Parakarry outside, flying off after having just delivered the mail. Luigi reaches into the mailbox and pulls out a strange card. Luigi opens it. Inside it says:

Gwahaha! I've kidnapped Peach again and with my new power, nothing shall stop me!

PS. Also, I was wondering if you prefer white or chocolate cake for the next Mario Party. Oh right now... erm...


-If you can't figure out who this is, you're a bigger idiot than I thought

Luigi runs in and reads the card to Mario, who immediately grabs his Ultra Hammer and some power-ups. Mario runs toward Dark Land to get Peach back. Once there, Mario sees something in the sky. It looks kind of... circular. The figure lands in front of him.

Figure: Ha! At last I will have my revenge, Mario!

Mario: Who-a are you-a?

Figure: Do you not recognize the great Jr. Troopa?! (insert special lightning effects)

Mario: Nope-a, doesn't ring a bell.

Jr. Troopa: Oh come on! How many other enemies constantly seeking revenge do you have?! There isn't someone else is there?!

(Imagine the song that plays when Mallow finds out he's not a tadpole.)

Mario: Let's-a see.

Mario begins counting Croco, his three Crooks, Bowser, the Koopalings, Kamek, Popple, Birdo, Birdo, Birdo, Boom Boom, Reznor, the Koopa Bros, King Boo, and Jr. Troopa. And oh yeah, Birdo too.

Mario: You're-a not alone.

Jr. Troopa: Whatever! Charge!

Jr. Troopa runs toward Mario, who jumps on his head. The Koopa comes running right into a shot with a hammer in the head. Junior is knocked out cold from this, and Mario goes into Bowser's Castle. Inside in front of the entrance, he sees four Bullet Bill Blasters sitting across the room. They all start firing and Mario sees four shadowy figures behind the cannons. Mario takes a good running start, avoiding Bullet Bills while he is at it, and leaps onto one of the four figures, bouncing off onto the second floor.

Black Ninjakoopa: Ow! That hurt, Mario! You'll pay!

The Koopa Bros. give chase. Mario gets up to the bedrooms and sees the Koopa Bros. following close behind. He sees a chandelier above the stairs the Koopa Bros are coming up, and throws his hammer there to make the chandelier drop onto them. Mario grabs his hammer back, and suddenly all of the bedroom doors open. A horrendous cackle greets Mario.

Voice: Heh, bravo. You handled a bunch of weaklings! But how will you do against ME?!

Mario turns around and is immediately punched by Roy, who jumped down from another chandelier.

Roy: Heh, this was cake!

Roy throws the plumber over his shoulder into a wall, then drags his unconcious body into Bowser's throne room. Roy throws the plumber down in front of Bowser, who laughs.

Bowser: Hahahahahaha, just like always, Mario! You fell for my trap blatantly. After all, why would I tell you that I had kidnapped Peach? You're even dumber than I thought! Koopalings! Use the power of the rods to finish this pest, then dump him into the trash out back.

Roy: Finally! Let's get this over with!

The seven Koopalings all draw rods. A purple light comes out of the top of them all. They all aim the lights at Mario, then Bowser draws his rod and points it at Mario too. The beams from them all combine and a huge blast of energy comes out of the sky on Mario. Roy and Ludwig then grab Mario and throw him out the window of the castle.

Bowser: Now, let's just get to celebrating!

Iggy: (This is just the kind of opportunity I need for my plan.) Maybe, just in case, we should split up into areas to devise our plans. Maybe out of the ordinary places for us since Mario wouldn't be prepared?

Bowser: Brilliant! So... what are you waiting for? SCRAM!

The seven Koopalings run off.

Prologue: The Eight Rods of Nib

Mario wakes up to find himself in a strange bed in a building filled with all kinds of weird magic tools and such, as well as a very large bookcase on the wall. The door to the room opens, and a Magikoopa donned in orange with long blue hair enters.

Magikoopa: Ah, Mario, you have awakened.

Mario jumps up but immediately falls back onto the bed from pain.

Magikoopa: Relax, you are in no danger. I am Kamoosh. After I served my purpose to Bowser to help him get the Eight Rods of Nib, I asked for my pay, which was supposed to be incredibly high. Bowser instead told Kamek to rally up a gang of Magikoopas, who beat me savagely. I have been resting since then, and now I am here to help you fight Bowser.

Mario turns his head slightly.

Kamoosh: Oh right, I should explain the Eight Rods of Nib. Long ago in the mountains of Nuhlark, eight mystic rods were forged. Their powers were Speed, Ice, Power, Body Modification, Water, Fire, and Plant. The eighth rod combined all of these powers and was used by the leader. The eight who created the rods began a horrible reign of terror across the planet. The eight reigned for many years unopposed by any but their own greed; the eight began plotting. When a late night battle occured for the rods' complete control, only one lived. He saw the destruction created by it all and created a temple of all of the powers with the rods. All eight rods were layed within the temple, beyond a wall of the exact opposite of its power. I got the rods, and Bowser betrayed me.

Mario jumps down off the bed.

Kamoosh: Hm, you know, I think I'll join you on this quest.

The two rest until the next day, when they set off for the first rod.

Kamoosh: The first target to go after would probably be Giant Land. Iggy was planned to go there by Bowser, and Iggy'd be a good start for us.

The two walk onward toward Giant Land, and soon arrive in Toad Town. Once there, the two are treated to a very disturbing site; the entire town is in ruins. They see a tank up ahead with a white hat poking out over the top. Mario immediately pulls out the Ultra Hammer and the two leap toward the tank. A beam shoots from the top of the tank at the two from a wand just put over the side. Smoke clears, and the tank looks a LOT larger. The tank turns around, and Iggy jumps out, looking like Giga Bowser compared to the two shrunken heroes.

Iggy: Hahahahahaha! You all thought it'd be as easy as that to stop us Koopalings? You thought I'd be easiest to beat? Hahahaha!

Iggy continues laughing. Mario jumps up and stomps on his head, doing minimal damage.

Iggy: Heheheheh! I'll see how you like things now!

Iggy points the wand at himself and doubles in size. Iggy stomps off laughing.

Iggy: Now you'll know how it feels to be small and weak!

Iggy soon disappears from sight, then runs back and gets in the tank, driving it off.

Kamoosh: Well, this is terrific. And Bowser took my wand too. Terrific. Alright, well there is still one thing we can do. Merlon might be able to restore our size temporarily, at least long enough for me to get a new wand.

The two head into Merlon's house, and immediately see that Merlon left a note saying he went on business to Dry Dry Desert and will be back in two weeks. One of his wands lays nearby.

Kamoosh: Of course, that works too.

Kamoosh floats into the air and grabs ahold of the wand, which is giant compared to him. He says some words and suddenly he and Mario return to their normal sizes. Kamoosh grabs the wand and puts it in his robe's pocket. The two head out of the building, and go on toward Giant Land.

Chapter 1: Giants in the Sky!

Once there, they are surprised to find a huge crater where Giant Land is usually located. A large mass of land floats above the crater.

Kamoosh: Somehow I figure someone other than Iggy is here...

Kamoosh whistles and a broom comes by. He grabs Mario, then hops on and the two fly up to the now floating Giant Land. There, they see a large castle with a statue of Roy in front of it being built. Upon further inspection, all of the workers are Goombas.

Kamoosh: Those poor Goombas!

Mario: Hey! I know that one!

Mario daringly climbs down some stairs made of clouds into the fray below. He sees a lone Goomba being beaten up by two Koopatrols.

Koopatrol 1: Slacker! Get back to work!

Goomba: Ouch! Please stop it! With the velocity of your whips against my body, a fire will start and I'll burn to death!

Koopatrol 2: Bob! How can he get back to work if you keep beating him up?

Bob: Sorry, Adam. But it's so fun!

Adam: You're right! Let's keep beating him up!

Mario: Oh-a no you don't!

Mario swiftly uses the Quake Hammer badge that he brought along to knock out the two Koopatrols from underneath. One of them drops a blue hat, which the Goomba picks up.

Goomba: Oh, thank you, Mario! It's so glad to see you again after all this time!

Mario: Now-a I remember! You're-a Goombario!

Goombario: Mario, my idol! You have to help he free the fellow Goombas kidnapped from Goomba Village from Roy and his doohickey!

Kamoosh: That "doohickey" must be a Rod of Nib!

Goombario: Oh, the Rods of Nib! I've studied all about how long ago in the mountains of Nuhlark, those eight mystic rods were forged with the powers of Speed, Ice, Power, Body Modification, Water, Fire, and Plant! Did you know that the only power to vanquish the rods forever was an amulet with the mark of a hammer on it? It's called the Treasure of Vanquishment!

Kamoosh: I think Bowser has that, but I never knew it had such power!

Goombario: Well, it's only a theory. Scientists have only found it a year ago, and were afraid that they'd upset the rod's power if they tried the amulet on it.

Kamoosh: What a wise Goomba. You will grow to become a great archaeologist. We may even need you on our quest.

Goombario: I get to go on another adventure with Mario! Yay!

Kamoosh: So, what kinds of guards are there in the fortress?

Goombario: Imagine an army of floating Spinies. You get the picture. Anyway, there's a secret entrance beneath the castles through the statue. But it would take something huge to move the statue...

Kamoosh: I have just the idea...

Kamoosh whips out his wand and makes the statue shrink. He kicks it away, and the three walk inside.

Mario: That-a was easy!

The party of three walks down the passage, ending up in a circular room. The room has ten locked doors, the door that they came from, and five blue switches as well.

Kamoosh: Okay, Brain Goomba, where are we?

Goombario: We're in the Central Service room, at the center of the castle. There are no guards here, but there are some guarding passages led to by doors. The one directly in front of us leads to Roy's room, but you need a Pass Key to unlock it. For the others, you just have to hit one of these switches. They will each open two doors facing each other, but close any other doors opened by switches. The door we came from never closes, so we can escape if we need to.

Kamoosh: You're sounding a lot like Morton.

Goombario: Watch your mouth!

Kamoosh: Don't you mean "Big Mouth"?

Goombario: That's Morton's nickname! ARG!!!

Mario: Quiet-a down! Let's-a cooperate!

Mario jumps on the switch in front of them, opening the Treasure Room and Control Room doors.

Kamoosh: Let's see, which one to check first?

The three decide to go into the Treasure Room as Roy isn't exactly bright about how he would hide something like that. In the hall leading to it, they see some REALLY suped up Koopatrols. I mean, these things look like the Hulk they're so powerful.

Kamoosh: I take it Roy got the Power Rod...

Goombario: *gulp*

The party of three turn back and run into the Control Room. The guards from the Treasure Room give chase, but stop in the circular room. There, they hit a switch, locking the Treasure Room and the Control Room (where the party is now) and opening two other doors facing each other.

Mario: We're-a trapped!

Goombario: Not quite! There should be a ventilation shaft nearby, providing an exit back around to the circular room and the Treasure Room, which is guardless!

Kamoosh: But first we have to deal with these guys!

Kamoosh points to the two enemies ahead. Kamoosh casts a spell that traps the Koopatrols in place, while Mario and Goombario find the vent.

Goombario: Found it!

Kamoosh: Good, let's go then!

The three get in. A zoomed out shot of the hallway is seen, then the three emerge in the Treasure Room, where they see a key, some items, and a Lazy Shell. They grab the items, Lazy shell, and key, then go into Roy's chamber. Inside, they are immediatly attacked by Roy, who is absolutely fearful considering the size of his muscles. Mario, Kamoosh, and Goombario get beaten senseless, but they put up a struggle. Soon, both partners are knocked out and both Roy and Mario have 1 HP. Roy is about to serve the final blow, but then...

???: Prepare for an inky doom! DUM DUM DE DUM!

Suddenly, a Red Blooper bursts in from the ceiling and lands on Roy. Roy is instantly knocked out.

Goombario: Who on Plit are you?

Mario: I'm-a Mario!

Kamoosh: He was referring to the Blooper.

Columbus: I am Columbus, the best Blooper of the Water Land Army! I'm so great, I don't need an introduction!

Goombario: So, why WAS there an intro?

Columbus: Never mind you! I have come to rid the world of evil, and finally prove my rank as the best creature in the world!

Kamoosh: SOMEBODY has an ego!

Columbus: But, as my scribe has left me, I will need someone else to describe proof that I'm the best! You'll do nicely.

Goombario: So, you're joining the party?

Columbus: Please, that sounds boring! I prefer saying that I have joined the band of do-gooders to rid the land of Bowser and vanquish evil for a better cause!

Kamoosh: Whatever.

Mario then pries the Rod of Nib out of Roy's hands.

Mario: Here we go!

Kamoosh: Well, I guess that means that Iggy's in Sky Land. We should go there next.

Goombario: Just so you know, Iggy has the Power Rod of Body Modification.

Columbus: Such a silly title is no match for me.

Mario: That explains why he's able to make things big and small.

Kamoosh: To Sky Land!

Columbus: Hey! If anyone will have dramatic lines, it will be me. To Sky Land!

Chapter 2: Seeds of Evil

The four go to Sky Land. Once there, they see enourmous Piranha Plants and other plants there that reach all the way to the sky. Hedges trimmed to look like Larry decorate the area.

Kamoosh: D'oh! I should have realized! The opposite of Giant Land would be-

All Four: Shyguy's Toybox!

Kamoosh: So the Koopalings are probably in...

Ludwig: Lavalava Island or Water Land
Lemmy: Dry Dry Desert or Desert Land
Iggy: Shy Guy's Toybox
Wendy: Pipe Land or Desert Land
Morton: Ice Land or Crystal Palace

Kamoosh: So, what was Larry's Rod again?

Larry suddenly is lowered to the ground by a vine. He points a Rod at the four, and they are all wrapped in vines that sprout out of the ground.

Larry: Heheheheh! You all thought it would be that easy?! I'm having one of my siblings visit today, so I'll give you four losers to Ludwig as a gift. Y'all will make a LOVELY addition to Lavalava Island!

Mario: Hey-a! You sound a bit like Roy!

Larry: What are y'all talking about?

Kamoosh: You keep saying things like "y'all".

Larry: Why you...

Goombario: Yeah, yeah he's right.

Larry: Well these people in Sky Land talk weird, 'aight? Now sit quietly and await your dooms. I have stuff to do.

Larry lifts into the air with a magical vine that suddenly grows. The four struggle unsuccessfully to get out.

Columbus: Struggling from plantation! This is embarassing! But suddenly, the hero gets an idea!

Mario: Let's eat cheese until the vines pop!

Kamoosh: He was talking about himself.

Columbus: Now, here's what you will do as I save the day!

Columbus whispers the plan to everyone, and then, it is set in action. Mario and Goombario use their feet while Columbus uses his tentacles to get one of Kamoosh's arms free. Once it is free, Kamoosh casts a spell which makes the plants shrink.

Kamoosh: Hm... You've already saved us twice, Blooper. I'll give you that.

Columbus: The name is Columbus.

Kamoosh: Sorry, I've met so many Bloopers having worked for Bowser that, you know... Anyway, let's get going!

The four get to climbing the vine Larry took to the upper part of Sky Land earlier. Once at the top, they see that Piranha Plants cover the clouds.

Mario: This will be fun. I gotta try to cross it, I'll use this Wing Cap.

Goombario: Mario! In the very likely chance that you don't survive, can I have your hat?

Mario: Thanks, Goombario. Your words really help.

Mario dons the Wing Cap. Meanwhile, Kamoosh flies Columbus and Goombario over with his broomstick.

Mario: Ow, Can someone get this Piranha Plant off my nose? Please?

Larry: Impossible! How?

Mario: Let's fight!

Larry: Not yet, it's too soon.

Mario: Follow him!

Soon, the party locates Larry's Castle. It is overgrown with vines and weeds, and the door is sealed tight with foliage. An open window with vines leading up to it is just in sight, but it is high up.

Goombario: Well, I guess we'll have to climb. But, since I don't have any hands, can someone carry me up?

Columbus: I will, with my extra tentacles! You just have to tell the press that I "saved a fallen comrad in the name of duty"!

Goombario: Sure, Columbus. Whatever.

And so, the party enters the castle through the window.

Mario: After him!

Kamoosh: Uh, Mario, I don't think that's the most of our troubles right now.

Mario: What do you mean... Oh, you mean the giant Piranha Plants that want to kill us.

Kamoosh: Bingo.


Mario, in panic, manages to knock the Piranha Plants into the hole. They land with a thud and come out screaming.

Piranhas: The prisoner has escaped!

Columbus: Prisoner?

Goombario: The enemy of our enemy is our friend. Let's see who it is.

Kamoosh quickly deals with the Piranha, then the four run, or in Columbus's case, float, through the castle. Ahead they see a Toad wearing a dojo uniform.

Fice T. (remember him from Paper Mario?): Mario! You're here! We've gotta get outta here quick!

Goombario: What's the problem?

An absolutely HUGE Piranha Plant comes out of the floor. This thing makes the Lava Piranha look like a Nipper it's so big.

Kamoosh: This is terrific.

Suddenly, Columbus spots a Black Chest in the corner of the room. He asks Goombario to check it out as he, with his water powers, works with Mario and Kamoosh to downsize the beast, which looks a lot loke Petey Piranha.

Petey: I AM PETEY!

Whatever. Anyway, as Goombario inspects the chest, it talks.

Chest: (old woman's voice) Oh, help! Please help! Larry locked me in this creepy chest and now I can't get out! Please find the Black Key! Oh, woe is me!

Goombario: Hey, wait! You're from Rogueport, aren't you? I have a female penpal over there, and she says you're really an evil being that grants Mario special powers in the form of a curse!

Chest: (normal voice) Drat! Listen, you just get me the key, and I'll join your party!

Goombario: It's Mario's Party.

Chest: Then where are all the mini-games? HAHAHA!

Goombario: You're funny, and I'm gullible. I'll do it.

Goombario finds the key next to the chest and opens it, and the creature inside attacks him. Fice T. runs over and grabs it from behind, and Goombario does Mulitbonk on it until it is defeated.

Goombario: Hey, you're pretty useful. You Fice T?

Fice T: Yep! Can I join your party?

Mario: Sure! Help!

The three on the other side of the room are struggling with the much enlarged Petey Piranha. Fice T. and Goombario jump over and help out. During the battle, Mario sees a water valve. A pipe beside it leads underground, underneath the exact location of Petey.

Mario: Columbus! Shut off the irrogation!

Columbus gets to the water valve and turns it off. Petey soon dries up and falls down in defeat.

Fice T: That was easy once we found out the weakness! Mario, how did you know about the pipes leading underneath Petey? Those pipes could have been anywhere underground!

Mario: I noticed he was standing on a white line, and a sign sticking up from it said "Warning! Irrogation pipe line!"

Fice T: Oh.

The door ahead of them suddenly closes and locks. Larry's heard laughing from somewhere in the room.

Larry: Y'all think that's all. I have a rod of plants after all! Man, I hate that Sky Land accent...

A blast fires from somewhere in the room and hits Petey. Petey raises off the ground cackling and immediately wraps Columbus and Kamoosh up in his vines, then begins spitting sludge at the other three.

Fice T: There is just no way out of this fight, is there?

Larry: Nah.

Mario: Wait-a!

Kamoosh: That's it!

Kamoosh histles and his broom flies to Goombario and Fice T.)

Kamoosh: You two go find Larry. Get his Rod then make Petey disappear!

Larry: Y'all better watch out! There be GHOSTS in here!

Fice T.: Ghosts? Where? AHH!!!

Fice T. runs through the door ahead, through the walls of the castle, out of the castle, and then falls off of the cloud portion of Sky Land and onto the ground portion.

Kamoosh: Wimp. Okay, you find Larry alone, Goombario.

Goombario: Fine with me!

Goombario walks into the room that Larry previously locked but that is now open since Fice T. ran through it. There is a Fice T-shaped hole in the wall and a staircase leading to the rafters. Goombario climbs the stairs and enters the previous room, only now he's on the rafters. He sees Larry ahead of him. Goombario Headbonks Larry, who follows up with a shot from his Rod, which traps Goombario in vines. Mario then gets an idea and pulls out one of the items he stole from Roy: a Fire Flower. It hits Petey, making him drop the two and run away.

Kamoosh: Good, now let's handle Larry!

Columbus: Right! Um, I'll just wait here then! *grumble*

Meanwhile, Larry is busy constricting the life out of Goombario.

Larry: Gonna give up yet?

Goombario: I'll... never... give up... uhhh.

Mario: Hold up, Larry

Larry: Youse again! I thought I wiped te floor wit youse guys. DARN! IT'S GETTING WORSE!

Kamoosh: We still have one trick up our sleeve. Now Mario!

Mario pulls out the Rod of Power.

Larry: *gasp* O-One wrong move a-and your Goomba friend gets it!

Goombario: Beat him... Forget about... me.

Mario: That's what you think.

Mario fires the rod... at Goombario. Goombario glows a rainbow of colors, then breaks free of the vines and pins Larry under his foot.

Larry: You think you're so smart. But I have cannons aimed here from the ground part. So long.

He pushes a button. Nothing happens. What happened on the ground? Well...

Fice T: The ghosts are gone! Yay!

Fice T had unplugged all of the cannons to put in some ghost filters he bought from a magazine. Meanwhile...

Larry: Fine! Just take da stupid Rod! Wah!

Goombario gets off Larry, then Mario changes him back to normal. Larry runs away.

Kamoosh: Great! We're one fourth there! Now, let's go after Lemmy, who should be in Dry Dry Desert!

Read on!

Credit goes to Martin, Miles "Thumbs" Power, Waluigi's Twin, Bobby, and Huge Iggy fan for writing, editing, suggesting, or in any way enhancing this story.

Comments, suggestions, stories, or story ideas? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Fun Fiction.
Go back to my main page.