Survivor 4: Lavalava Island

By Din

Day 10

Tribe Yoshi

Anti Guy: Well, fellas... We've hit the double digits. That's pretty cool.

Doopliss: Yup.

Anti Guy: You know what'd make it cooler, though?

Bowser: What?

Anti Guy: If you guys would... you know... BRING ME THE MACHETE!!!

Everyone sighs.

Crystal King: I'm already bored of that joke...

Bowyer: All of us are, I believe.

Anti Guy: Joke? JOKE?! This isn't a joke! If I don't get my hands on something sharp, I might spontaneously combust!

Doopliss: Feh. Only if we were lucky...

Anti Guy: ... I hate you.

Crystal King: Yeah, yeah...

Anti Guy: No. Seriously. Hate with me... it's different. It's more intense then your average "hate", ya know? I mean... when I hate, I hate hard. It's a hard hate. Very hard indeed.

Crystal King puts on a pair of sunglasses.

Anti Guy: What's with the shades?

Crystal King: You're blinding me with your logic.

King Boo: We interrupt this Garfield rip-off joke for this special service announcement: we are insane.

Rawk Hawk: How the RAAAAAAAAAAWK could you say that? We're completely sane! At least I am, anyway. Dunno about you guys...

Anti Guy: Ooooooooh. So you're not insane. Riiiiiiiight.

Rawk Hawk: Why I oughta-

Anti Guy: Ha! What'd you gonna do, huh? Not finishing your sentence at me?

Rawk Hawk: Why you-

Anti Guy: See?

Rawk Hawk: Dang it!

Rawk Hawk leaves in frustration. Bowser follows.

Bowser: You know, Rawky-

Rawk Hawk: DON'T call me that.

Bowser: Hm. Right. Well, you know, I think it's high time you and I started an alliance.

Rawk Hawk: What's an alliance?

Bowser: Um... It's this thing where you... uh... join someone, and...

Several hours later...

Bowser: ... then you win! 'Cause we're together! During the final two! And... yeah!

Rawk Hawk: Zzzzzzzzz...

Bowser: ... I could just cry...

Anti Guy: I could help you with that!

Bowser: WA! Were you listening?

Anti Guy: Um. Yeah.

Bowser: ROAR!

Bowser breaths fire at Anti Guy and mis- wait, what? He hits him? Wow.

Bowser: Score!

Anti Guy is running around crazily with his robes on fire.


Bowser: Nyahahahahahahaha!!! Sucker!

Anti Guy digs large handfuls of dirt and dumps them on himself, snuffing the fire. While digging, he comes across a certain pointy object...

Anti Guy: PAYBACK TIME, YA ###### #### ##### ######!!! ####!!!

Bowser: O.O

Bowser: ...

Bowser: ...

Bowser: ...

Bowser: This stinks...

Anti Guy chases Bowser, flailing his machete.


King Boo: (raising his hand toward the sky) My kingdom for a new joke!

Crystal King: *snort* Ha. Haha. Hahahahaha. *hem*

King Boo: What?

Crystal King: Oh nothing, nothing... wanna coco- Wait. Never mind.

Tribe Lavalava

Luigi: Hey! Jinxy!

Jinx: Hey! What?

Luigi: Hey! You should be glad you won that challenge, cuz otherwise you would have been gooooo-one!

Toad: Hey! Yeah! Gooooo-one!

Jinx: Hey! Guess what?

Toad and Luigi: Hey! What?

Jinx rips a burned tree from the ground and swings it at Luigi and Toad like a monstrous baseball bat. With a loud crunching noise, both fall unconscious.

Chancellor and Yoshi: Yay!

Jinx: Muaha! Don't you find it humorous that if we lose the next Immunity Challenge, one of them is automatically going? The thought fills me with glee!

Yoshi: Yoshi not so sure. Game creator guys like to mess with us.

Chancellor: Indeed. Once the viewers think everything's set in stone, they throw a monkey wrench into the game.

Jinx: Nonsense! We're practically home free.

Yoshi: Yoshi not sure...


Chancellor: Hm... It's about time someone got the Tree Mail.

Jinx: I'll get it.

Jinx gets it.

Jinx: (reading the mail)

Just when you thought things were great,
And life was a bed of clover.
Us evil show-designer people come up,
With something to blow your cover.
Just come, take your wait, and see,
How nasty us evil show-designers can be!

Yoshi: Dang. Yoshi should have bet Jinx something...

Jinx: ;_;

Chancellor: What'd he just say?

Jinx: Fah! Never mind. Text-based emotes are the subject of too many repetitive jokes anyway. Let's grab the pair of losers and head out.

Chancellor: Right then.

Weirded Up Reward Challenge Thingie

Lakitu: Come on in, guys!

Both tribes enter and stand on mats.

Lakitu: Boy do I have a surprise for you guys!

Jinx: I'll bet you do...

Anti Guy: I hate surprises!

Lakitu: Since, as I'm sure you already know, the people who run this show are evil, we've decided to make you guys switch your tribes up.

Jinx: Dang it!

Lakitu: Indeed. Well, here's how this Weirded Up Reward Challenge Thingie works...

The camera shows, while Lakitu speaks, twelve cubes set on the sand in a straight line. It zooms around for a moment, then shifts to some stupid McDonald's ad, and a horrible, ear-piercing scream fills the air. The camera then quickly shifts back to the cubes, which, upon further inspection, have the letters A, B, C, D, F, and T written on either side.

Lakitu: This challenge is NOT going to be team-based, though two separate tribes will still exist.

Everyone gasps.

Lakitu: I know. Crazy, isn't it?

Everyone nods.

Lakitu: Indeed. Well, I'll ask each of you a question based on whatever I feel like. If you get it wrong, you're out. The last person standing wins!

Crystal King: What do they win?

Lakitu: Ah... yes. That's when things get interesting. The winner gets the chance to be first Tribe Captain.

Doopliss: First Tribe Cap-

Lakitu: I'LL EXPLAIN IT! *cough* Oh DAD...

Jinx: Oooooooh... no. If you lose your voice again, I'll-

Lakitu: Be upset? How do you think I feel when some idiot like Fawful has to translate, and ends up butchering the English language?

Yoshi: Who cares? English messed up language anyway.

Bowser: Maybe when YOU speak it!

Luigi: Yeah!

Toad: Yeah!

Lakitu: Would you shut UP for like, TWO SECONDS?!

Rawk Hawk: One mississippi... two miss-

Lakitu chucks a Spiny at Rawk Hawk, quieting him instantly .

Lakitu: Anyway, once you become first Tribe Captain, you start off your "reward" by picking a second Tribe Member. Preferably someone who irritates you, or stinks at Challenges.

A bubbly white "think cloud" appears over everyone's head, not including the Hawk himself, of course, because he's out cold via Spiny. Which is fine because he can't think anyway. Rawk Hawk dances around in each survivor's think bubble. They all shudder.

Lakitu: Then, both captains pick tribemates school-yard style. THAT is how we are going to mix up the tribes. Any questions? Good. Now go grab a cube and wait for my go.

The camera cuts magically to a scene of all twelve remaining Survivors standing by their answer cubes.

Lakitu: Question 1: Who hosts this show?
a) - Lemmy Koopa
b) - Crazy Packers Fan
c) - The Host of Survivor 2 That The Author Doesn't Know
d) - Lakitu

The Survivors ponder for a moment, then choose a letter. They reveal, and everyone has chosen answer D apart from Rawk Hawk, who chose True.

Lakitu: That wasn't a true/false question, nimrod. Go sit down.


He sits down.

Lakitu: *ahem* Right. Well, Question 2: How many Survivors were there to begin with?
a) - 10
b) - 14
c) - 16
d) - 20

The Survivors think. Bowser is using his fingers... and toes. Finally, they all choose and reveal. Everyone is correct apart from Bowser, who choose answer A.

Lakitu: What the- You twit! There are more then ten Survivors on the show right now...

Bowser: Shut up!

Bowser sits.

Lakitu: Question 3: What is my name spelled backwards?
a) - Tulakit
b) - Utikal
c) - Yurstupidifyoushoosethis
d) - Mario

Every thinks and answers. Both Toad and Luigi choose answer C, while Bowyer choose A. Everyone else is right.

Lakitu: Idiots! Sir down!

They sit. Luigi flashes Lakitu a rude gesture, and Toad does the same. Lakitu quickly downs them with Spinies and continues.

Lakitu: Question 4: If two trains are traveling towards each other at a speed of 204.3 MPH, and if both trains are heading from Toad Town and coming from Dry Dry Outpost and Shiver City, and if they are steam powered, and if they have a battery in case the steam runs out, and if they are both named the Scarlet Thunder, and if they are both trains ripped off from some random novel, and if the conductors really aren't good conductors, and if, you know, I mean like conductors as like of heat or electricity, you know, and if I really was from the midwest, and if this thing went on forever, and if I actually remember what I'm talking about, and if this speech lasts forever, and if cheese really is cheese, and if someone is actually still reading this, and if... if... IF?!

Everyone: O.O

Lakitu: *ahem*
a) - Huh?
b) - 30.5
c) - Your mom
d) - Teh Lameness

Everyone thinks, then answers. Yoshi and Chancellor choose A, while the rest choose D.

Lakitu: Ha! HA! The answer's A, suckers! Sit down!

Anti Guy: You stink and I hate you.

They sit.

Lakitu: Question Five: True or False: penguins live forever.

Both choose False.

Lakitu: Dang. Okay, okay... Question Six: What is 3 to the 4th power? SQUARED?! Just kidding. REAL Question Six: What is the slogan of the Survivor Show?
a) - Outwit, Outplay, Outeat
b) - Outwit, Outplay, Outlast
c) - Outwit, Outplay, Outmother
d) - GBT2

Yoshi: GBT2? What?

Lakitu: We have to have some sort of subtle advertising to keep this show running, Yoshi. Now answer the stupid question!


Lakitu: I find the use of the word "retard" offensive, Anti Guy! Edit!

Anti Guy: Fine, fine. HEY, LAKIE! STOP ASKING (*mentally inept*) QUESTIONS!

Lakitu: Thank you.

Yoshi and Chancellor answer. They're both right.

Lakitu: Enough! Now for a REAL stumper... Question 7: Aside from "Intro", what was the first word... uh... spoken on this show? And... who said it? *gasp*
a) - Welcome, Lakitu
b) - OMGZ!!!, Mallow
c) - Nutter Butter, Mario
d) - Today, Lakitu

They think and answer. Yoshi chooses letter D, while Chancellor chooses A.

Lakitu: D's correct. Yoshi wins.

Yoshi: Yay.

Lakitu: Now pick Captain 2.

Yoshi: Yoshi not choose Rawk Hawk... choosing take too long. I pick... Bowser.

Bowser: All right!

Lakitu: Pick. Now.

Yoshi: Yoshi choose Jinx.

Bowser: I choose Rawk Hawk! Wait, hold-

Everyone: Ha ha!

Bowser: Dang it!

Yoshi: I choose Chancellor.

Bowser: Oh no you don't! We need to spice things up by picking people from different tribes, so I pick Luigi!

Yoshi: Fine. Yoshi pick... King Boo.

Bowser: I'll pick Toad, then.

Yoshi: Yoshi pick... Crystal King.

Bowser: Doopliss.

Yoshi: Hm...

He stares at Bowyer and Anti Guy.

Yoshi: Hm... Yoshi pick-

King Boo: *cough*antiguy*cough*

Yoshi: Uh... Anti Guy?

Bowser: Bowyer, then.

Lakitu: That's it! Now... You each have 30 seconds to pick a name.

Yoshi: Tribe Yoshi!

Bowser: Tribe Bowser!

King Boo: Huh. Original.

Bowser: Shut up!

King Boo: Meh...

Lakitu: Now go! I think my head's going to fall off, or something...


Tribe Bowser:
Rawk Hawk

Tribe Yoshi:
King Boo
Crystal King
Anti Guy

(The New) Tribe Yoshi

Jinx: I guess that wasn't SO bad...

King Boo: Indeed. It seems like all the morons ended up on the other tribe...

Anti Guy: No kidding. It's kinda sad, really... I won't have Bowser to butcher with my machete.

Crystal King: How sad indeed.

Anti Guy: Was that sarcasm?

Crystal King: Uh, no?

Anti Guy: Liar. I hate you.

Yoshi: Shut up and go to bed!

Day 11

Tribe Bowser

Bowser: What a nice day! No Anti Guy in sight!

Luigi: *yawn* Then who's that?

Luigi points to Anti Guy, who has a machete and is standing a few feet from Bowser. The Shyster waves.


Bowser runs away. There's a puff of purple smoke, and Doopliss appears where "Anti Guy" was standing. Laughing hysterically, Luigi high-fives Doopliss.

Luigi: That was great!

Toad: Yeah, it was!

Luigi, Ghost Buster: This "rearranging the tribes thing" was pretty cool. My team rocks! Or should I say... RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWKS!!!

Rawk Hawk: What?! Who said that?

Luigi: Uh... no one.

Rawk Hawk: Whatever.

Bowser, Koopa King: I'm pleased with my tribe. We're gonna stomp that other tribe soooooo bad!

Toad, Hyperactive Fungus: You bet!

Bowser, Koopa King: Stop listening to me, dang it!

Toad, Hyperactive Fungus: Sorry...

Bowser, Koopa King: You'd better be!

Doopliss: (in the shape of Anti Guy) Boo.

Bowser: AAAAAAAAAAA*choke*!!!

Toad: Uh... What happened?

Bowser: !!!

Doopliss: Ha ha. He lost his voice like Lakitu did!

Bowser: ?!?!?!?

Bowser runs away.

In The Shadowy Jungle Somewhere

A shadowy figure in the shadowy jungle appears on a shadowy rock. He is shrouded by shadows.

???: Meh heh heh... dang. Someone is being REALLY loud...

The shadowy figure listens.


???: Dang. That's loud. Er... FOOLISH FOOLS!!! THEY HAVE DISTURBED ME!!!

??? flees.

Everyone: Eh?

(The New) Tribe Yoshi

Jinx: Hey, guys. I have an idea!

King Boo: Hm?

Jinx: Since we're all not complete morons, let's actually build a shelter!

Crystal King: Hm. Good idea.

Chancellor: Indeed. How shall we start?

Jinx: Um. Well... let's start by getting some wood.

Anti Guy: What wood? That idiot Bowser burned everything down, remember?

Jinx: Oh yeah... Dang. That stinks.

Chancellor: Indeed.

Yoshi: Wait. Yoshi have idea. Cousin of Yoshi tell Yoshi that there exists a magical Raven on this island. His name's Raffy, or something.

King Boo: Hm. So you think Raffy can restore the plantlife?

Yoshi: Yoshi think so. He supposed to have a mystic bond with this island.

Jinx: Ha! Well then, let's get cracking, and find this Raffy guy, eh?

Chancellor: Indeed.

Jinx: ... Stop saying that.

Chancellor: Sorry.

Yoshi: Who go with Yoshi to find Raffy?

Jinx: I will go.

King Boo: As will I.

Yoshi: Is that all?


Yoshi: Okay, then! Let's go!

In The Shadowy Jungle Somewhere That's Less Shadowy Then The Shadowy Area Described Before

Jinx: This is getting ridiculous...

Yoshi: What is?

Jinx: Nothing, nothing...

The three Tribe Yoshi members arrive in front of a huge tree.

King Boo: Is this it?

Yoshi: Yeah. Let's go.

They climb the bagillions of steps that lead spiraling upwards in the tree. At the top,  the tribemates are all puffing, wheezing, and sweating in abundance.

Jinx: That *puff* stunk...

Yoshi: Yoshi *huff* agree...

King Boo: Where's *wheeze* Raffy?

Raphael the Raven: Raffy? RAFFY?!

The three turn to see an enormous Raven.

Jinx: Are you *gasp* Raffy?

Raphael: I AM NOT RAFFY!!!

The large Raven kicks the three tribemates off the tree. They fall. And fall. And fall some more. Then they land.


Jinx: Ooooooooou-wa!

King Boo: "Ow" has only one syllable...

Jinx: Wise guy.

Yoshi: Now what we do?

King Boo: Climb the tree again and avoid using the word Raffy?

Jinx: Um... yeah. Let's do it.

Tribe Bowser

Doopliss: I hate our tribe name...

Bowser: Excuse me?!

Doopliss: Um, you're excused...

Bowser: Jerk!

Doopliss: Yup. I've heard it all before.

Bowser: Fine then, loser!

Luigi: Loser!

Toad: Yeah! Loser!

Bowyer, Speach-Impaired Bow: Irritating this tribe is.


???: Cease your irritating noise!

Bowser: Eh? Who are you?

???: Can't you read, dummy? I am ???!

Bowser: Question mark question mark question mark?

???: Indeed.

Bowser: That's stupid.

???: FOOL!!!

Bowser is smote by lightning.

Bowser: ... Ow.

???: Meh heh heh...

Luigi: Okay, pal, I don't know WHO you think you are, but you can't just WALTZ in here and *smote*

???: Meh heh heh... Anyone else think I can't waltz?

Rawk Hawk: I can waltz!

He does so, and is smote.

???: Let this be a warning to you, fools! If the decibel level at this camp climbs to unruly levels, I WILL return! Fair well... Meh heh heh...

Toad: That was weird.

Doopliss: As opposed to the rest of this story?

Toad: ... That's fair, I guess.

Day 12

Raphael's Tree

Yoshi, King Boo, and Jinx: WaaaaaaaAAAAAAH!!!


Jinx: Blast it all! We've been at this all night!

King Boo: Dang it, Jinx! Stop saying Raffy, for the last time!

Jinx: I apologize. It's just really fun to say!!!1111!

Yoshi and King Boo: ...




King Boo: Don't EVER do that again.

Jinx: Okay, okay...

Yoshi: Yoshi have another idea. Why don't King Boo just FLY up and talk to Raf-er... the Raven guy?

King Boo: Good idea. I'll do it.

King Boo flies away.

Jinx: He-? He-? HE-???

Jinx storms away. Yoshi shrugs toward the camera.

(The New) Tribe Yoshi

Jinx returns.

Jinx Dirty, rotten-

Crystal King: What happened?

Jinx: Oh, nothing. I just ran, like, twenty BILLION flights of stairs for nothing.

Anti Guy: Ha ha.

Chancellor: Aha! Gentlemen! Take a look!

All the burned at dead trees suddenly disappear with a puff of smoke. There is a loud crack, and thick jumble foliage returns.

Crystal King: Cool.

Chancellor: Indeed.

Anti Guy hits the Chancellor.

Chancellor: Ow.

Yoshi returns.

Yoshi: Oh wow! The plants have returned!

King Boo returns with Tree Mail.

King Boo: You bet! It was easy once I stopped calling him Raffy.

All the plants suddenly die.

Anti Guy: Um, what?

King Boo: What the- Oh, whatever. I'll talk to him later... Let's just get to the challenge.

Immunity Challenge

Lakitu: Come on in, guys!

The tribes do so.

Lakitu: For this challenge, coconut dodgeball is making another appearance! Yay!

The survivors sigh.

Lakitu: Anyway, here's how it works...

As Lakitu speaks, the camera shows four wooden platforms floating in the water; two are circular and two are rectangular. Each circular platform is paired with a rectangular one, which sits some fifteen or twenty feet away. On each rectangular platform, a large barrel of coconuts sits.

Lakitu: This challenge is fairly simple. Each tribe chooses one member to go out on the circular platform. The opposing tribe tries to knock the chosen tribemate off by hurling coconuts at him from their respective rectangular platforms. The tribe wins when they knock the person they're aiming for off their platform. Get it?

Tribe Bowser: No.

Lakitu: Too bad. Each of the tribes pick a dodger. Now.

King Boo: Tribe Yoshi picks Anti Guy!

Bowser: And Tribe Bowser picks Bowser!

Lakitu: Fine. Head out there and wait for my go...

The camera cuts. The Survivors magically appear in place.

Lakitu: Survivors ready...? Go!

Rawk Hawk: Feeeeeel the RAAAAAAAWK!!!

Rawk Hawk throws a coconut at Anti Guy. The Shyster catches it and throws it back, conking Rawk Hawk in the noggin.

Doopliss: Hey! That's cheating!

Lakitu: No it isn't. Continue.

Tribe Yoshi is furiously pelting Bowser with coconuts, but Bowser's fat... er, muscle is keeping him in place. Tribe Yoshi soon runs out of coconuts.

King Boo: Drat.

Bowser: Wuahahahahaha! ROAR! I am the CHAMP!!! ... That means we win, right?

Lakitu: Nope. The game's still on, though Tribe Yoshi MUST stay on their platform.

Jinx: Wait... I have an idea!

Yoshi: What is it?

Jinx: I could drop Bowser into the water with my Bombs Away! attack.

Crystal King: No you couldn't. Your FP is gone.

Jinx: Oh yeah...

King Boo: Maybe it WILL work, though! Did anyone of us bring some kind of syrup for their personal item?


King Boo: Dang.

Toad: (loudly) Hey Luigi, guess what I brought for MY personal comfort item!

Luigi: I don't know Toad, what?

Toad: Maple Syrup! And you know what else?

Luigi: What?

Toad: I brought it with me! See?

Toad shows Luigi the Maple Syrup.

Tribe Yoshi: O.O

King Boo: We HAVE to get that stuff...

Chancellor: Indeed.

Anti Guy beans Chancellor with one of Tribe Bowser's thrown coconuts from afar. It causes him to soar several feet trough the air and land in the water.

Chancellor: Ow.

Jinx: Holy Torpedo, Batman! If Anti Guy could hit Toad with a coconut and launch him over here...

King Boo: We could grab the syrup!

Crystal King: Brilliant!

King Boo: Anti Guy! You hear that?

Anti Guy isn't paying attention. He is aiming a coconut at Toad, who is the last Tribe Bowser survivor who hasn't gotten knocked off their platform.

Anti Guy: DIE!!!

He throws and hits Toad. Toad flies into the water, far shy of the Tribe Yoshi platform.

Chancellor: Blast!

Jinx: Dang it!

King Boo: No!

Bowser: All right!

Lakitu: Tribe Yoshi wins immunity!

Chancellor: What?

Jinx: Huh?

King Boo: Yes!

Bowser: ROAR!!! HOW?!

Lakitu: Your entire tribe fell in the water.

Bowser: So?!

Lakitu: That means they're all disqualified. They're not allowed to leave their platform.

Bowser: GAH! I HATE this game!

Anti Guy: (raising hand wildly) Oh! Oh! I do too!

Crystal King: Don't encourage him...

Anti Guy: Oh. Right.

Bowser: Come on, gang. Let's head out.

Rawk Hawk: Feel... *blub* the... *blub* RAAAAAAWK...

Anti Guy: No.

Lakitu: Shut up and leave!

They leave. Dramatic music plays. The camera turns to slow motion, etc, etc.

Tribe Bowser

Bowser, Koopa King: Aaaah... All is well in Tribe Bowser. Alliances are forming, trouble is brewing, and the fear of getting my throat slit while I'm sleeping is nonexistent.

Doopliss, Identity Thief: I don't know who to align myself with at this point. Everyone here is either moronic or insane. Usually both, actually. Maybe Bowyer...

Bowyer, Speach-Impaired Bow: Have a comment I do not! Leave me alone you should!

Rawk Hawk, Moronic Wrestler: Oooh yeah. Uh uh. Can't touch this... ooooh oh...

Cameraman: *gag*

Luigi, Ghost Buster: Toad and I are going to carve up this tribe!

Toad, Hyperactive Fungus: Yeah, carve it up! Big time! Yeah!

Bowser: Grab your torches, boys, it's time to go! ... That means you, Toad and Luigi, we know you're whispering secretively!

Luigi: ...So that person'll go. The biggest threat at the moment, don't you think?

Toad: He has a vote too, so even if it's a tie...

Bowser: Boat's leaving, boys! Come on! Chuga chuga! Choo choo! You know?

Doopliss sighs.

Luigi: Yes, yes... We're coming!

Toad: Yeah! We're coming!

Bowyer, Speach-Impaired Bow: Vote myself out perhaps I will...


Tribal Council

The tribe walks in.

Lakitu: Welcome to Tribe Bowser's first orificial Tribal Council (and at this rate, the first of many!).

Rawk Hawk: Feels great to be here, Jeff.

Lakitu: I'm sure. So... Bowser, how's the new tribe looking?

Bowser: Excellent, Lakitu! Really excellent!

Bowyer: *cough*

Doopliss: *gag*

Lakitu: You... disagree, Doopliss?

Doopliss: Yes! The combined IQ of this tribe excluding me is like, 20!

Rawk Hawk: Is not!

Doopliss: Is too!

Rawk Hawk: Is... NOT!!!

Rawk Hawk gets to his feet, but accidentally pulls a muscle in his leg. He starts hopping around, and ends up setting himself on fire. He hops around screaming while the rest of the tribe and Lakitu ignore him.

Doopliss: See? Case and point.

Lakitu: Yup. So... Bowyer, how's life at camp?

Bowyer: Okay camp life is. Weird it is, however. Plant life appeared today, but magically vanished a second later. Strange, it is. Stranger my tribe is, however.

Lakitu: No kidding.

Rawk Hawk: HOT! Hothothothothot!!! HOT!!!

Lakitu: Last question, Luigi. You and Toad being the only two Lavalava members here... do you feel outnumbered?

Luigi: Oh, sure. it's a little intimidating, but I think we can pull through.

Lakitu: Indeed. Well, it's time to vote!

Bowser votes. The vote is for Luigi.

Bowser: (to camera) No Lavalava member is going to prosper under MY rule! Never!

Cameraman: Rule?

Bowser: Shut up.

Rawk Hawk votes, though he is still on fire.

Rawk Hawk: (to camera) Just OW! voting OW! with my OW! alliance, OW! though I OW! still don't know what an OW! alliance really OW! is.

Luigi votes.

Toad votes.

Doopliss votes. The vote is for Rawk Hawk.

Doopliss: (to camera) You stink at life... and this game. Good riddance.

Bowyer votes.

Lakitu: I'll go get the votes.

He does so, and returns.

Lakitu: Once the votes are read, the decision is final, and the person voted out will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately. I'll read the votes.

Lakitu: First vote... Luigi.

Luigi: No way!

Lakitu: Second vote... Rawk Hawk.

Rawk Hawk: What?!

Lakitu: Third vote... Doopliss.

Doopliss: Eh?

Lakitu: Fourth vote... Doopliss.

Doopliss: Uh oh...

Lakitu: Fifth vote... Rawk Hawk.

Lakitu: Sixth vote... of for the love of DAD...

(*Tense moment!*)

Lakitu: Luigi. A three-way bloody tie. Perfect. All right, all right, you guys. Talk. Give your little speech things. Now.

Luigi: Don't vote for me! I'm cool! Those other guys stink!

Rawk Hawk: No! I RAAAAAAAAAAWKED everyone!

Doopliss: Come on, guys! We can't have this Rawk Hawk idiot stinking up our tribe, or this game, any longer! Take him out! Take him-

Lakitu: Enough! Go revote. Now.

Bowser votes. It's for Luigi.

Bowser: (to camera) No change here.

Rawk Hawk votes.

Luigi votes.

Toad votes.

Doopliss votes. It's for Rawk Hawk.

Doopliss: (to camera) If he doesn't go tonight, I think I'll cry.

Bowyer votes.

Lakitu: I'll get the votes...

Lakitu does so and returns.

Lakitu: *sigh* Once the votes are read, the decision is final, and the person voted out will be asked to leave the Tribal Council area immediately. I'll read the votes.

Lakitu: First vote... Rawk Hawk.

Lakitu: Second vote... Rawk Hawk.

Lakitu: Third vote... Luigi.

Lakitu: Fourth vote... Luigi.

Lakitu: Fifth vote... Doopliss.

Lakitu: Sixth vote... !!!

Lakitu enters a swearing fit, which is edited with one long bleeping sound.

Lakitu: Frickin' Doopliss! Another ##### tie! Geez...

Luigi: Uh... Now what?

Lakitu: Bleh. In case of a standstill, I ask each of you how many past votes you've received. The person with the most goes. Okay Rawk Hawk, how many you got?

Rawk Hawk thinks.

Rawk Hawk: Uh... what comes after zero?

Doopliss: Seven.

Rawk Hawk: Seven!

Bowser: Seven?!

Rawk Hawk: Seven!

Bowser: ####!!! You don't have seven!

Rawk Hawk: Do to.

Bowser: NOOOOO!!!

Lakitu: Er...

Bowser: Rawk Hawk's lying! He only has one!

Lakitu: Uh...

Lakitu takes out a copy of The Official Guidebook For Survivor Hosts and puts on reading glasses. He turns a page, nods, then throws the book and his glasses carelessly behind him.

Lakitu: Well, it says in the book that we need to initiate a "High Definition Replay." So...

The camera changes from the current scene and shows...

(Previous Tribal Council)

Lakitu: Once the votes are read the decision is final. The person voted out will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately. I'll read the votes...

Lakitu: First vote... Doopliss. That's one vote Doopliss.

Everyone: *sigh*

Lakitu: Second vote... Fawful. One Doopliss, one Fawful.

Lakitu: Third vote... Fawful. One Doopliss, two Fawful.

Lakitu: Fourth vote... Anti Guy. One Doop- oh, forget it.

Lakitu: Fifth vote... Rawk Hawk.

Lakitu: Sixth vote... Anti Guy.

Lakitu: Seventh vote... Bowser.

Lakitu: ...

Lakitu: ...

Lakitu: ...

Bowser: STOP IT!!!

Lakitu: The third... er, fourth person voted out of Survivor Lavalava is...

Lakitu: Fawful. Fawful, bring me your torch.

(End High Definition Replay.)

Lakitu: Right, well that solves that issue.

Bowser: Ha! I'm right!

Lakitu: Yup. So... Doopliss, how many ya got?

Doopliss: One.

Lakitu: And Luigi?


Lakitu: Luigi?

More silence.

Lakitu: LUIGI?!

Luigi: Th-th-th-th-th-th-th-th-thhhhhHREEEE!!!

Lakitu: Three?

Luigi: No.

Lakitu: Shut up and bring me your torch.

Luigi does so, and the torch falls victim to the über snuffer of doom.

Lakitu: The tribe has spoken, doofus. Now leave.

Luigi sulks away.

Lakitu: Well, that's it. Goodbye.

Doopliss: What, no profound statement?

Lakitu: Have I EVER made profound statements?

Doopliss: Um, no?

Lakitu: Exactly.

Who Voted Who:

Bowser: Luigi, Luigi
Rawk Hawk: Luigi, Luigi
Luigi: Doopliss, Doopliss
Toad: Doopliss, Doopliss
Doopliss: Rawk Hawk, Rawk Hawk
Bowyer: Rawk Hawk, Rawk Hawk

Luigi: (to camera) Dang it! I was gonna win, too! Those dorks... Ah well. At least I get to use a proper bathroom. I can't wait! In fact...

Notice!: This footage has been edited for inappropriate footage. Please stand by...

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