Mario's Status: Level 3, 35XP
HP: 20/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 3
Attacks:
Jump 1+1 damage.
Hammer 1-2 damage.
Punch 1-2 damage and can disarm
enemies, steal items; gets critical hits more often.
Special:
Super Jump - 2NP - Jump damage +2 or
3 rarely.
Super Smash - 2NP - Hammer damage +2
and rare dizzy effect.
Multi-Jump - 4NP - Jump damage +(action
commands x 1).
Firehand - 3NP - (on ground) Punch
damage +4, may burn. (elsewhere) 3-4 damage, may burn.
Smash:
Summon Brother, brings Luigi into existance
Talent: Popularity haggling (use manually
in shops)
Inventory: 348 coins, floppy disk,
1 Mushroom, 2 Syrups, 1 Super Shroom, 1 Maple Syrup, 3 1-Up Shrooms, 1
Hammer Suit.
Goomba King’s Status: Level 3, 35XP
HP: 28/28
NP: 12/12
Attacks:
Stomp - 2-3 damage, penetrates damaging
enemy defenses.
Special:
Lecture - 1NP - identifies enemies.
King Sized Headbonk - 3NP - 5-6 damage,
penetrates damaging enemy defenses.
Smash: None
Bowser’s Status: Level 3, 0XP
HP: 25/25
NP: 12/12
Attacks:
Koopa claw - 2-4 damage, ignores spikes
Special:
Firebreath - 5NP - 4-5 damage to one
horizontal plane of enemies, may burn.
Smash: None
Talent: Terrorize! (not like you should,
but this can be used at any time including battle!)
Bowser: WHY DOES STATUS HAVE TO BE SO DETAILED?!
G&W: That is how complex our adventure is, I guess. I wouldn’t worry, because you do know what you can do at least, right?
Bowser: Well, you have a point there, I guess, and for once I guess I will listen to you and Mario, I guess.
Luigi: WILL PEOPLE STOP SAYING “I GUESS”?!
Mario: I guess we will.
Goomba King: You idiots both said it.
Luigi: AAARRrrrrgghh!!!
Mario: Let’s-a go! Hey! There is a Question Mark Block.
Goomba King: You made that sentence to olong.
Luigi: We aren’t talking about jail, are we?
G&W: Idiot, what Goomba King was saying was Mario should have said “? Block”.
Bowser: YOU ARE ALL MAKING THIS TOO LONG!!!
Mario, oblivious to all of the arguing, hits the ? Block and out pops a green-spotted white egg that hatches into none other than Yoshi!
Yoshi: Ah! Bowser! Die!
Yoshi beats the crud out of Bowser even though Bowser miraculously takes no HP damage.
G&W: Wait, Bowser is a good guy! Yoshi, you bad green donkey!
Yoshi: Oops, sorry. I didn’t realize what was going on. I was cranky being trapped in that box for so long!
G&W explains the plot to Yoshi.
G&W: As you can see, we need all the help we can get to defeat the Ultimate Eliminator.
Yoshi: Well there is no one better than Yoshi for the job!
G&W: Congratulations! Yoshi has joined your team! Apparently during the time of our adventure before we got Bowser, he was captured by Bowser on an order from the UE. He can pound enemies multiple times for 1 damage and can currently do so three times. He can also use the classic “Gulp” whether or not the enemy has spikes, and that generally does 4 damage to two enemies regardless of defense, and this costs 4NP. He has 20 HP and 16 NP. He is at level 3, 0XP. Our SP also increases by 1 to 4 upon arrival. Now that Yoshi is here, I will say, each time the battle says “Player Start!”, you may decide to switch one party member from the back to the front without consuming a turn. Any more than that will consume one character’s turn to move. When you Summon someone, you decide if he takes someone’s place, or if he moves to the back. I should have said that when we got Bowser, but I had a technical delay, so I will say it now.
Mario: Boy, I am sure making a lot of friends in such a short time!
Luigi: For this adventure, yes. In reality, no.
Bowser: I WANNA FIGHT! PLEASE!!!
Mario: Okay, let’s-a go. (Whatever you say, freak!)
Mario and his team progress through the jungle. Suddenly an Ukiki throws a nut at Yoshi and starts a battle.
Battle Phase: Mario, Goomba King, Bowser vs. Ukiki (since Yoshi is in back, he isn’t listed)
Enemy Surprise!
Ukiki: EEEP! EEEP!!!
HP: ???
Move: Nut Toss, unidentified power.
Yoshi dodges.
No effect.
Mario: Wow! How did Yoshi know how to
do that?!
HP: 20/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 4
Move: Jump - Attack power 1+1
Hits action command.
Ukiki takes 2 damage and falls to the
ground!
Goomba King: You know the routine…
HP: 28/28
NP: 12/12
SP: 4
Move: Lecture - 1NP - Identifies enemies.
As Yoshi has discovered, it is possible
to sneak upon enemies and vice versa for surprise attacks. The point here
though is identifying Ukiki. This monkey is among thousands which enjoyed
having fun participating at your seven months of Mario Party. They have
8 HP, 2 Attack, and 0 Defense. They can call for help that can attack immediately
after it comes, and that help can call more help. You want to defeat these
quickly, but fortunately, the call for help move doesn’t always work. That
must be a gift from the gods to protect us, so take it for granted.
Bowser: Wow! This guy really is good!
Now what were we supposed to take for granted?
HP: 25/25
NP: 12/12
SP: 4
Move: All purpose talent “Terrorize!”
Scares enemies to cause negative effects.
Ukiki goes into shock.
Enemy Start!
Ukiki: EEEEEK!!!
HP: 6/8
Move: He can’t if his blood pressure
is too low. Right? Wait! Some monkey heard the cry and enters the Battle
Zone.
Ukiki2: Eep EE EE!
HP: 8/8
Move: Nut Toss, attack power 2.
Bowser blocks.
No effect.
Player Start!
Yoshi switches with Goomba King.
Mario
HP: 20/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 4
Move: Punch - 1-2 damage and can disarm
enemies, steal items, gets critical hits more often.
Hits action command.
LUCKY CRITICAL! Mario steals a Coconut
and Ukiki1 takes 4 damage.
Yoshi: Yoshi!
HP: 20/20
NP: 16/16
SP: 4
Move: Gulp - 4NP - Attack power 4,
penetrates the defense of two enemies and attacks them.
Hits action command.
Ukiki1 and Ukiki2 take 4 damage. Ukiki1
is out and Ukiki2 falls to the ground!
Bowser: RRRRAAAAHHHH!!!
HP: 25/25
NP: 12/12
SP: 4
Move: Koopa Claw - Attack power 2-4,
ignores spikes.
Hits action command.
Ukiki2 takes 4 damage and is out.
G&W: Good job! You win 6XP and 0 coins from this battle.
Mario: That wasn’t a joke, was it?
G&W: Nope. I mean, do you expect monkeys to use coins as currency? Other civilizations of Nintendo certainly don’t and you will have to trade your money for different currencies and also pay interest.
Luigi: That isn’t fair!
G&W: That is business.
Bowser: What in the world does a coconut do?
Goomba King: You throw or kick it at enemies to do 3 damage.
Mario: I noticed how “kick” was conveniently added.
Goomba King: Well, everyone is supposed to be able to use it, right?
Diddy: Hey! Is that you, Mario?
Mario: It is-a me-a, Mario!
Bowser: For once we put your catchphrase to good use…
Diddy: That sounds convincing. Hurry, you gotta help me rescue DK!
Mario: But I hate early school!
Goomba King: You idiot! That was Donkey Kong!
Mario: Maybe, but I might have to think about it. For instance, why did he try to kill me and take my first girlfriend, and now why did he try to join my Mario Parties- MPHH! *RIP* Fine then! We rescue DK!
Luigi: By the way, who is using the duct tape? The author?
Booming random voice: PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE AUTHOR! HE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO EXIST! THE DUCT TAPE IS ALL SHIGERU’S FAULT!
Mario: Curse you, creator!
Bowser: Where does DAD fit in?
G&W: DAD is of a separate pantheon that rules over only Plit. Other worlds will have their own gods watching over them. Nintendo is the ruler of all of the Pantheons.
Mario: I HATE SCHOOL! STOP THE HISTORY LECTURES!!! WE NEED TO SAVE DONKEY KONG!!!
Luigi: Woah! That actually made sense and was intelligent!
Goomba King: Hey! Remember that Mario isn’t really stupid. He’s really playful.
Luigi: Oops!
Mario's team follows Diddy around the thick jungle. They reach a beach and amidst the beautiful ocean, who should be sailing it but K. Rool in his battleship!
Donkey Kong (from the ship): Help! Help!
K. Rool: Ah! So your pitiful friends that the UE mentioned have finally arrived! You’ll never reach me from here! Don’t even try swimming because then I will feed you to the fishes!
Yoshi: Mmm, food...
Yoshi swims out and K. Rool fires… fruit at Yoshi? Yoshi eats the fruit, becomes bloated (no, I mean full), and recovers his HP and NP.
K. Rool: Nuts, what do I do? Wait! Fire the fish nuts at him!
K. Rool's ship starts firing fish pellets at Yoshi, who is slowly trying to swim back to shore. Suddenly a Big Bertha starts a battle.
Mario: We have to help him!
Familiar Mysterious Voice: No way ye shall make it in!
A dark undulating forcefield prevents anyone from swimming towards Yoshi.
Battle Phase: Yoshi vs Big Bertha
Player Start!
Goomba King: (good thing I’m not in
the battle, or it would cost NP) Yoshi! Watch out! That Big Bertha has
20 HP, 7 Attack, and 0 Defense. She sometimes takes up turns to breed Cheep
Cheeps which have 4 HP and 2 Attack. Be careful, and remember next time,
we won’t let you starve to death!
Mario throws the Coconut at Big Bertha and she takes 3 damage.
The Voice: @#$%!
Yoshi: Thanks, Mario! (I guess the barrier
only locks out people.)
HP: 20/20
NP: 16/16
SP: 4 (Remember, everyone is connected
to the group SP when they join the party)
Move: Butt Bounce - Attack power 1+1+1
Hits action command perfectly.
Big Bertha takes 3 damage.
Enemy Start!
Big Bertha
HP: 14/20
Move: Spew Offspring.
A Cheep Cheep comes into existence.
Cheep Cheep
HP: 4/4
Move: Uh, classic enemy poke? - Attack
power 4.
Yoshi blocks and takes 3 damage.
Player Start!
Yoshi: What an idiot…
HP: 17/20
NP: 16/16
SP: 4
Move: Gulp - 4NP - Attack power 4,
penetratea the defense of two enemies and attacks them
Cheep Cheep and Big Bertha take 4 damage.
Cheep Cheep is out.
G&W: My nemesis! Don’t think you will get away!
UE: (coming down as an “X”) Say goodbye to you and your pitiful friends.
The Ultimate Eliminator! Oh no! He has summoned a violent bolt storm and has struck Mario's team with evil forces of death! Some glowing forcefields deflect the bolts away and leave everyone unharmed. It does, however, kill the Big Bertha in a most horrible fashion and end Yoshi’s battle.
UE:@#$%! %$#@! CuRsE yOu, CrEaToR! OnCe I dEsTrOy ThEsE fOoLs I wIlL tAkE oVeR!!!
The currently dark human figure of the UE becomes all wavy and stuff, and fades away.
Yoshi: Where weird talking come from?
Mario: (hypnotically) ChAoS from the Ancient Domains of Mystery from Thomas Biskup’s world of Anacardia.
G&W: Thank you, my lords.
Booming Voices: You are the only ones that can save this universe. You must collect our seven artifacts and save the heroes guarding the seven worlds of our artifacts. Only then will Mario face the ultimate challenge where even we can’t interfere.
Bowser: But how can Mario fight alone?
Pantheon: We are afraid that it has to be that way. Maybe Mario will find a way to imprison our creation once and for all, but even we simply can’t imagine how so much power got out into so much evil.
Bowser: I am really getting worried.
DAD: Be brave, son! Just don’t let Mario down!
K. Rool: Who are those idiots talking too…? Krusha! Fire at will!
Krusha: Uh, which one of those is Will?
K. Rool: JUST FIRE, YOU IDIOT!!!
Krusha: NOOOOO!!! I lost my job!
Krool: I SAID SHOOT THE CANNON, YOU DUMMY!
BOOM BOOM BOOM! Mario, Goomba King, and Bowser take 3 damage.
G&W: Before I forget, Yoshi just won 10XP from his battle.
Bowser: Good, now let’s get out of here!
Mario: I don’t know why I feel this way *shudder*, but I just know that to save DK, we need to go to K. Rool's castle.
Luigi: Crud, an Earthbound reference.
G&W: I’d stop criticizing Nintendo’s other worlds if I were you. We are going to visit them, you know.
Luigi: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Yoshi: Hey, look over there! It is a castle that is six stories high!
Mario: Then let’s-a go!
Mario's team takes shelter inside K. Rool's castle. (Yes! The six story castle is Krool’s). No battles occur for a while, but the first floor to the second floor is a spiral flat escalator thingy going backwards. There are barrels coming down the spiral conveyor belt. For effect, I recommend listening to the following midi for about 2 minutes 8½ seconds or 3 minutes 5 seconds (depending on whether or not you want to hear the drum roll at the end of the level) before turning it off.
Mario reaches the top first (which means his party is far behind in the dust) to discover the culprits behind the barrels are a Kremling, a Koopatroll, and… WOAH! The Quizmaster from the previous page!
Battle Phase: Mario vs Kremling, Koopatroll, Quizmaster
Mario: Oh @#$%!
HP: 17/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 4
Move: Summon Brother - 1SP - Brings
Luigi into existence until he runs out of HP or the battle ends
Luigi: I’ll save you!
HP: 20/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 3
Move: Thunderhand - 3NP - (on ground)
Punch damage+4, penetrates intrinsic defense, stuns, lowers stats.
Hits action command.
Quizmaster takes 6 damage; his Attack
goes down by 1!
Goomba King arrives.
Enemy Start!
Kremling: Sorry, man. Da boss doesn’t
want you here.
HP: ???
Move: Barrel Toss - Unidentified power
BOOM! Everyone blocks
Mario and Luigi take 5 damage. Goomba
King takes 4 damage.
Koopatroll: I am the absolute best!
HP: 7/7
Move: Rhino Charge - Attack power 5
Luigi blocks and takes 4 damage
Quizmaster: I will crush you twerps!
HP: ???
Move: Uh, Crusher? - Unidentified power
CRUSH! SHLOOOM! Luigi takes 3 damage
while Mario and the Goomba King take 1 damage.
Yoshi and Bowser arrive.
Player Start!
Yoshi switches with Luigi.
Goomba King: You know what is coming.
HP: 23/28
NP: 12/12
SP: 3+1/20
Move: Lecture - 1NP - Identifies enemies
Just in case you couldn’t see, the
Quizmaster is a Thwomp. I’ll say a very big and angry Thwomp, that is.
He or, um, she, is probably angry that we killed her minions. She has 30
HP, 4 Attack, and 4 Defense. Her attack also raises stalagmites that do
1 damage to the ones she didn’t target. She is resistant to fire attacks,
which means she takes half the normal damage in addition to her defense
power. She is also more difficult to burn. It says here that Thwomps can’t
stand thrown hammers, so maybe this would be a good time to use the Hammer
Suit.
Mario: Woohoo! Time to witness the good
old days!
HP: 11/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 3+1/20
Move: Use Hammer Suit - Transforms
a Mario Brother into Hammer Brother.
Mario transforms into Hammer Mario!
Yoshi: Yoshi!
HP: 17/20
NP: 12/16
SP: 3+1/20
Move: Gulp (no I am not worried) -
4NP - Attack power 4, penetrate the Defense of two enemies and attack them!
Hits action command.
Kremling and Koopatrool take 4 damage.
Luigi: Thunderhand works from a distance!
HP: 8/20
NP: 14/17
SP: 3+1/20
Move: Thunderhand - 3NP - (in air or
distance) Attack power 3-4, penetrates intrinsic defense, stun, lower stats.
Quizmaster takes 3 damage.
Enemy Start!
Kremling: Arr…
HP: ???
Move: Barrel Toss - Unidentified power
Luigi takes 3 damage.
Koopatroll: Too bad, Bowser. I hate
you!
HP: 3/7
Move: Charge up
Koopatrool’s next attack will do 12
damage!
Quizmaster: DIE!
HP: 21/30
Move: Crusher - Attack power 4, does
1 damage to non targets. Attack is not reduced in formula.
LUCKY CRITICAL!
Luigi blocks, takes 5 damage, and is
unfortunately out. Everyone else besides Bowser takes 1 damage.
Player Start!
Mario: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
HP: 10/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 3+2/20
Move: Super Hammer Toss - 2NP - Hammer
damage+2. (Remember, hammer base damage is 1-2. The hammer Suit increases
the attack by 2, and the special increases it by 2 more again!)
Hits Action command
BOOMBASH!!!
Quizmaster’s defense is shattered!
Defense is 2. Quizmaster takes 8 damage.
Goomba King: Nice!
HP: 22/28
NP: 11/12
SP: 3+2/20
Move: Lecture - 1NP - Identifies enemies.
In case you are blind, a Kremling is
a walking crocodile. They are quite crafty and they serve some K. Rool
guy who's always wanted to defeat Donkey Kong for some reason that even
I am not familiar with. Kremlings have 8 HP, randomly do 3-6 damage with
barrels whether or not they explode (and if they explode, they hit everyone),
and have 0 Defense.
Yoshi: Crocodile meat tastes good! [The
author actually means it.]
HP: 16/20
NP: 8/16
SP: 3+2/20
Move: Gulp - Attack power 4, penetrates
the defense of two enemies and attacks them!
Hits action command.
Kremling takes 4 damage and is out.
Quizmaster takes 6 damage.
Koopatroll: I am so good at strategizing
since enemies at default see the good guy’s HP!
HP: 3/7
Move: 100MPH Truck Charge! - Attack
Power 12
RRRROOOOOAAAARRRRWHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Mario dodges.
No effect.
Quizmaster: D’OH!!!
Quizmaster’s attack is back to normal.
HP: 9/30
Move: Question Time! - Attack power
3 to all, may confuse.
Everyone takes 3 damage except Bowser,
who takes 2. Yoshi and Mario are confused.
Player Start!
Bowser switches with Yoshi.
Goomba King
HP: 19/28
NP: 10/12
SP: 3+3/20
Move: KSHB - 3NP - Attack power 5-6,
penetrates damaging enemy defenses.
Koopatroll counters.
Goomba King takes 1 damage.
Mario: !stuN
HP: 10/20
NP: 15/17
SP: 3+3/20
Move: Super Hammer Toss - 2NP - Hammer
damage+2
Instead of attacking Quizmaster, Bowser
blocks and takes 5 damage.
Bowser: Arr…
HP: 15/25
NP: 12/12
SP: 3+3/20
Move: Firebreath - 5NP - Attack power
4-5 to horizontal plane of enemies, may burn.
Hits action command
Koopatroll takes 1 damage and is burned.
Quizmaster blocks and takes 3 damage.
(Remember that she is fire resistant.)
Enemy Start!
Koopatroll: I shall not give up!
HP: 2/7
Move: Rhino Charge - Attack power 5
Mario counters
Koopatrool countercounters
Mario countercountercounters
Cartoon cloud fight: BIFF BAFF BOOM
BASH BANG!
Mario taps A 50 times
Koopatroll taps A 45 times
Koopatroll takes 2 damage and is out.
Player Start!
Mario: ?that od I did woH
HP: 10/20
NP: 13/17
SP: 3+4/20
Move: Super Hammer Toss - 2NP - Hammer
damage+2
Instead of attacking Bowser, LUCKY
CRITICAL! Quizmaster takes 16 damage and is out.
Quizmaster: Nooooooooooooo! Ugh! I’ll be back!
It is the random Wheel of Experience
There are six divisions on it! You
could equalize in experience before getting your XP, get double XP, get
half the XP, double coins, half coins, or absolutely no change. Here goes
the wheel!
G&W: By a strange twist of fate, everyone is now equally experienced. Congratulations! You earn 63 XP, 50 coins, and a Shroom Mist which restores 5HP to everyone! Woah! Everyone also levels up! Mario! Your Hammer, Jump, and Punch quality improves by 1 Attack, which means your base attack power is 2-4 damage, 2+2 damage, and 2-3 damage! As for Yoshi, his HP increases to 25 and he learns Egg Toss, which does 5-6 damage, costs 4NP, and inflicts random status effects on enemies. Bowser’s HP increases to 30. Goomba King’s NP increases to 14! Very nice!
Goomba King: Hey! Now that I leveled up, I feel smarter. Hang on a sec.
Goomba King appears to be working on something. In a moment, he passes a total of 20 handheld devices to his friends.
Goomba King: I just got the inspiration. It is called the Tattle Log SP! With it, you may identify enemies. Unfortunately, they run on 1 NP per use.
UE: Heh heh heh, little does Nintendo know that I am about to ambush them…
Pantheon: We do NOW!
UE: AAAHHH!
The UE blasts some bolts towards Mario's gang while Nintendo desperately tries to shield the group. They did it a bit too late for Goomba King. Meanwhile, the noise of someone eating something with delight is heard.
Goomba King: AAAAAAAHHHHHH NOOOOOO! OUCHOUCHAHHHGUAH *similar blabbing for a whole hour...* Ugh…
The Goomba King collapses.
Mario: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Bowser: *sniff*
Yoshi: What did you say?
Bowser: Nothing, obviously! Maybe I made a sound.
Mario tries to use a 1-Up Shroom on Goomba King. He doesn’t seem to be taking it in.
Goomba King: X.X
Mario: Oh no! His image is fading!
Luigi: This is bad.
G&W: I am afraid there is nothing we can do now. Goomba King is gone, forever…
Pantheon: We are afraid G&W is correct. There is nothing that even we can do, especially at the current moment.
100 Goomba horde with strange red eyes: Halt there, murderer! We are putting you under arrest! In fact, we are going to kill you!
Mario tosses a rock at a Goomba. It takes no damage.
Mario: There is something weird going on...
G&W: Oh ****! The UE has possessed some victims into thinking we killed the Goomba King.
Luigi: Woah! Did he just have a censored word?!
Bowser: I don’t like the looks of those Goombas.
Bowser uses a Firebreath, but the Goombas are still unfazed. Yoshi tries to use Gulp on the Goombas. He kills one, but the rest are unfazed and are advancing with random heavy blunt and sharp objects including torches and somehow, by some strange means, mithril two-handed swords.
Bowser: I give up.
Bowser roars in displeasure. Strangely enough, this activates his Terrorize talent, which suddenly unpossesses the Goombas, causing them to notice Bowser and flee in terror.
G&W: Odd... Hey Bowser! You saved us!
Bowser: Of course I did!
Mario: Give him a round of-a applause!
Bowser: I hate applesauce!
Yoshi: Cheers to Bowser!
Bowser: But I don’t like drinking excessively!
UE: %$#@ to you!
Pantheon: Get out of here!
Luigi: Hip, hip, *ZONK* hop, hop *ZONK* hooray!
Bowser: Don’t make fun of my sons!
Mario: Let’s-a go!
Bowser: DON’T… uh… not go!
Yoshi: I agree!
Mario's team avoids battles by using Bowser to send the minions flying out the windows. Mario's team finds a Tolled Restore Block and pays ten coins to use it. In order to get to the next floor, oh no! They have to face another quizmaster!
Quizmaster (this time a K. Rool door): Bwahahahaha! I won’t let you through if you don’t play my quiz game. I am so evil this way, but I do get bored and competitive. If you get three questions wrong, something so nasty will happen to you that it will be worse than torture! If you get five right, fine then! Rules are rules and I will let you pass.
Mario: Just give the questions.
Quizmaster: Okay! Question 1… How many different music themes did you experience to this point?
Luigi: 7?
Quizmaster: Wrongo! The answer was 12! Question 2… How many times precisely did the Ultimate Eliminator talk to this point?
Mario: We were lucky, so it was 8.
Quismaster: Wrr…IGHT!!! NOOOOOO!!! You were right!
Yoshi: How did you know?! Besides, since when is 8 lucky?
Mario: In China! I guessed from how luckily we escaped.
Quizmaster: Question 3! What Pokemon is most related to Morton Koopa?
Luigi: AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
Luigi has an epileptic seizure.
Yoshi: Darn, you just had to give a Japan reference!
Quizmaster: ANG! WRONG!
Mario: It is Exploud!
Quizmaster: Too bad! The answer was Exploud!
Mario: Don’t make me smash you! *waves hammer*
Quizmaster: One more answer wrong, you guys are dead meat! Question 4! What was the name of Ludwig’s robot?
Mario: Ultra Mega Koopa Ranger Z!
Quizmaster: TOO B…RIGHT! YOU HAD TO GET IT RIGHT!!! Question 5! In Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, what two notes signaled the start of a new question in a quiz?
Yoshi: A flat and B flat.
Mario: Woah! I didn’t know you were musically adept!
Quizmaster: NOPeuh… STUPIDITY HERE! DARN YOU GUYS! THAT WAS CORRECT! Now question 6… What was a counter originally called?
Mario: A Superguard!
Quizmaster: HA! YOU ANSWERED TOO QUICKuh… YOU PROVED TO BE TOO SMART FOR THAT ONE!!! NOW FOR MY ULTRA BRAIN-BUSTING, HEART ATTACK-CAUSING QUESTION!!! What does this problem have to do with all three major system Mario RPG games and something Ash Ketchum wore in a single certain Pokemon episode?
Mario: SEVEN!!!
Quizmaster: YOU TRULY IDI-uh…NTELLECTUAL UNCOOL BRANIAC! I HATE THIS DAY! GO ON TO THE NEXT FLOOR AND LEAVE ME ALONE!
Bowser: How did you know that?!
Mario: First of all, he didn’t say what number question it was, and I knew it was seven. In all Mario RPG games besides the one for Gameboy advance, you look for seven star thingies. In a certain Pokemon episode, Ash went to some tournament of brains and brawn of Pokemon. His assignment number was 7.
Luigi: Okay! I’m fine! What happened?
Mario: The quiz is done. Let’s-a go!
Because the author wants to make sure everyone can keep up with status, he will put it down here in case all the events are confusing the reader (and in fact, the author himself!).
Mario's Status: Level 4
HP: 20/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 3
Attacks:
Jump 2+2 damage.
Hammer 2-4 damage.
Punch 2-3 damage and can disarm
enemies, steal items; gets critical hits more often.
Special:
Super Jump - 2NP - Jump damage +2 or
3 rarely.
Super Smash - 2NP - Hammer damage +2
and rare dizzy effect.
Multi-Jump - 4NP - Jump damage +(action
commands x 1). (This means that after the first jump, subsequent jumps
do 1 damage.)
Firehand - 3NP - (on ground) Punch
damage +4, may burn. (elsewhere) 3-4 damage, may burn.
Smash:
Summon Brother, brings Luigi into existance
Talent: Popularity haggling (use manually
in shops)
Inventory: 388 coins, floppy disk,
1 Mushroom, 2 Syrups, 1 Super Shroom, 1 Maple Syrup, 3 1-Up Shrooms, 1
Shoom Mist.
Yoshi’s Status: Level 4
HP: 25/25
NP: 16/16
Attacks:
Butt Bounce - 1+1+1 damage
Special:
Gulp - 4NP - 4 damage, penetrates the
defense of two enemies and attacks them.
Egg Toss - 4NP - 5-6 damage, inflicts
status conditions.
Smash: None
Bowser’s Status: Level 4
HP: 30/30
NP: 12/12
Attacks:
Koopa Claw - 2-4 damage, ignores
spikes.
Special:
Firebreath - 5NP - 4-5 damage to one
horizontal plane of enemies, may burn.
Smash: None
Talent: Terrorize! (Not like you should,
but this can be used at any time including battle!)
Note: Remember also that everyone can now use Tattle for 1 NP to identify enemies.
What Mario's team does to get to the sixth floor balcony at this point is significantly less eventful. However, Mario's team finally discovers why they needed to go there.
Mario: Lookie here! A conveniently placed cannon!
Luigi: How do you open it?
Bowser simply smashes the covering on the giant cannon.
Mario: Okeydokey! Let’s-a all get in!
Mario's team automatically blasts off in the direction of K. Rool’s ship and lands lightly on the deck because some Kremlings, Klaptraps, and a horde of bananas are in the way.
K. Rool: Oh no! You just defeated most of my crew! That doesn’t mean I won’t struggle!
Bowser: How about now? *SLICE*
DK: Now we are talkin’!
K. Rool: How about my new weapon?
K. Rool pulls out a blue, shining, starry wand that strangely looks familiar.
Mario: GENO!
Everyone Else: HUH?!
Geno: I need help! I am imprisoned in this blasted wand and can’t escape! Besides, my name is [use your imagination!], if you recall.
Mario: No, I don’t recall. You displayed it so quickly last lime that I only saw a heart, a musical note, and some punctuation.
K. Rool waves the wand. A force wave knocks DK off the boat and back to the coast, where he can’t do much.
K. Rool: Now watch this!
K. Rool summons two Kremlings. His second-in-command henchmen Krusha and Klump also appear.
Mario: Let’s-a go!
Battle Phase: Mario, Bowser, Yoshi vs Krool, Kremlingx2, Krusha, Klump
Player Start!
Yoshi: Yoshi use his SP! (Note: I mean
popular handheld device)
HP: 25/25
NP: 16/16
SP: 3
Move: Tattle Log SP - 1NP - Identifies
enemies
beeBEEEEEP! [Note: this is my interpretation
of the Gameboy's beep when turning on.] Target identified as K. Rool, the
king of Kermlings and Donkey Kong's arch-nemesis. HP 50, Attack 9 with
wand, Defense 2. Spikey crown detected. No further information available.
Mario: I-a got this great-a idea-a!
HP: 20/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 3
Move: Punch - Attack power 2-3, may
disarm, steal, gets critical hits more often.
Hits action command.
LUCKY CRITICAL!
K. Rool takes 4 damage.
Bowser: You almost got it! Keep doing
it!
HP: 30/30
NP: 12/12
SP: 3
Move: Firebreath - 5NP - 4-5 damage
to one horizontal plane of enemies, may burn
Hits action command
K. Rool takes 3 damage, Krusha and
Klump take 4 damage, Kremlings take 5 damage. Kremling1 and Kremling2 are
burned.
Enemy Start!
K. Rool: You idiots! You forgot your
action commands already?
HP: 43/50
Move: Fury Lightning - Attack power
9, attacks 2 enemies, penetrates intrinsic defense, and may stun.
Mario dodges, Bowser blocks.
Bowser takes 7 damage.
Krusha: Duh, it's them.
HP: ???
Move: Krushing Blow - Unidentified
power
Mario blocks and takes 4 damage.
Klump: Sir, yes sir, boss! I'll get
Mario!
HP: ???
Move: Orangrenade (how do you say that?!)
Blast - unidentified power
Mario and Yoshi block and take 5 damage.
Kremling1: AAAHH! I'm on fire!
Kremling1 takes 1 damage.
HP: 2/8
Move: Jumps into ocean
Kremling2: What a wussEOUCH!!!
Kremling2 takes 1 damage.
HP: 2/8
Move: Barrel Toss - Attack power 3
or 6.
Mario counters, the barrel is deflected.
BOOM!
K. Rool and Klump dodge. Krusha takes
4 damage, Kremling2 takes 5 damage (remember the rules of burns). Kremling2
is out.
Player Start!
Bowser: I need to learn more about
technology anyway...
HP: 23/30
NP: 7/12
SP: 3
Move: Tattle Log SP - 1NP - Identifies
enemies.
beeBEEEEP! Target identified as Klump,
a second in command henchman of K. Rool. Tosses grenades to hit two enemies
at once. HP 25, Attack power 6 with grenades, Defense 1. Disarming him
will reduce his attack to 4.
Yoshi: I like to tattle.
HP: 20/25
NP: 15/16
SP: 3
Move: Tattle Log SP - 1NP - Identifies
enemies.
beeBEEEEP! Target identified as Krusha,
a second in command henchman of Krool. Very powerful martial artist and
can stun all the time unless someone blocks. HP 35, Attack power 5, Defense
1.
Mario: Let's-a try this again!
HP: 11/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 3
Move: Punch - Attack power 2-3, may
disarm, steal, get more criticals.
Hits action command.
K. Rool is disarmed and takes 1 damage.
Mario now owns the Geno Wand.
Geno: Oh yeah, Mario! Unleash my fury!
Geno attacks and K. Rool takes 10 damage.
Enemy Start!
K. Rool: %$#@ Mario!
HP: 32/50
Move: Barrelanche (when will the author
stop making stupid names for things?) - Attack power 7, hits all.
Everyone blocks.
Mario and Yoshi take 6 damage, Bowser
takes 5 damage.
Krusha: Duh... What is it I have against
Mario?
HP: 27/35
Move: Krushing Blow - Attack power
5, may stun.
Yoshi counters.
Krusha takes 1 damage.
Klump: You $%^&*@ numbskull!
You were supposed to attack Mario because the UE said so!
HP: 21/25
Move: Orangrenade Blast - Attack power
6, hits two enemies
Mario blocks, takes 5 damage, and is
(OH NO!!!) unfortunately out. He also drops the Geno Wand. Bowser blocks
and takes 4 damage.
Kremling1: HAHAHA! The Great Gonzales
is defeated by us!
HP: 2/8
Move: Barrel Toss - Attack power 3
or 6 depending on explosion which hits all.
Bowser blocks and takes 1 damage.
Yoshi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
HP: 14/25
NP: 14/16
SP: 3
Move: Too uh... traumatized to move.
Bowser: Yoshi! You wimp!
HP: 13/30
NP: 6/12
SP: 3
Move: Use 1-Up Shroom on Mario - Totally
restore the health of one team member whether or not downed.
G&W: How surprising! The 1-Up Shrooms didn't work automatically like I thought they would.
Mario: Thank you! *V sign* More healing
time!
HP: 20/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 3
Move: 100 point restore - 1SP, Heals
half of everyone's HP, NP, and cures status ailments.
FLASH...FLASH...FLASH...FLASH... Mario's
team is revitalized
Enemy Start!
K. Rool: MY WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!
HP: 32/50
Move: Takes time to grab wand.
Krusha: Why when me attack I get hurt?
HP: 26/35
Move: Krushing Blow - Attack power
5, may stun.
Bowser blocks, takes 3 damage, and
is unfortunately stunned. Woah! Aren't the battles weird with the
author's quotes?
Klump: DOH! My spare grenades are in
that box, but I'll just melee for now.
Klump is temporarily disarmed.
HP: 21/25
Move: Klump Jump (Stupid rhymes! PMTTD
reference and joke for your info) - Attack power 4
Mario counters.
Klump takes 1 damage.
Kremling1: Urk... Guess again...
HP: 2/8
Move: Barrel Toss - Attack power 3
or 6
Mario counters
BOOM!
Everyone blocks.
K. Rool takes 3 damage, Krusha and
Klump take 4 damage, Kremling1 takes 5 damage and is out.
Player Start!
Mario: Time to make things HOT!!! But
first...
HP: 20/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 2+1/20
Move: Summon Brother - 1SP - Brings
Luigi into existence until battle ends or he loses all HP.
Luigi chooses to switch with Bowser.
Luigi: FINALLY!!!
HP: 20/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 1+1/20
Move: Thunderhand - 3NP - (on ground)
Punch damage + 4, penetrates intrinsic defense, stuns, lowers stats.
Hits action command.
K. Rool takes 7 damage. His defense
goes down by 2 to 0. K. Rool is stunned.
Yoshi: MORE ALLIGATOR MEAT!!!
HP: 25/25
NP: 16/16
SP: 1+1/20
Move: Gulp - 4NP - Attack power 4,
penetrates the defense of two enemies and attacks them.
Hits action command.
Klump and Krusha take 4 damage.
Enemy Start! (Note that now Bowser gets
over his brief stun status.)
K. Rool: Urgh...
HP: 24/50
Move: He is stunned you numbskull!
Krusha: I feel wet...
HP: 23/35
Move: Krushing Blow - Attack power
5, may stun.
Yoshi blocks and takes 4 damage.
Klump: Ugh! Now I smell gross!
HP: 17/25
Move: Orangrenade - Attack power 6,
hits two enemies.
Mario blocks.
Mario and Bowser take 5 damage.
Player Start!
Bowser switches with Yoshi.
Mario: Woohoo! We are on a roll!
HP: 15/20
NP: 17/17
SP: 1+2/20
Move: Firehand - 3NP - (on ground)
Punch damage + 4, may burn.
Hits action command.
Klump takes 6 damage and is burned.
Luigi
HP: 20/20
NP: 14/17
SP: 1+2/20
Move: Thunderhand - 3NP - Punch damage
+ 2, stuns, lowers stats, penetrates intrinsic defense.
Hits action command.
Klump takes 7 damage.
Bowser: RAAAAAAAAAARRRR!!!
HP: 18/30
NP: 12/12
SP: 1+2/20
Move: Koopa Claw - Attack power 2-4
- ignores spikes.
Hits action command.
Klump takes 3 damage.
Enemy Start!
K. Rool: GWAHAHAHAHA! I AM FILLED TO
THE BRIM WITH POWER!!!
HP: 24/50
Move: Fury Lightning - Attack power
9, attacks two enemies, penetrates intrinsic defense, may stun.
Mario and Luigi block and take 8 damage.
Krusha: I got it! Mario is friends with
Donkey Kong, but why again do I hate Donkey Kong?
HP: 23/35
Move: Krushing Blow - Attack power
5, may stun.
Mario blocks and takes 4 damage.
Klump: I will getAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! Ugh...
Klump takes 1 damage.
HP: 0/25, you know the routine. Oh,
so you don't! Klump has no HP, so he is out, dead, gone, retired, useless,
inactive- MMMPH! *rip* Hey! Wait! I'm the author!
Player Start!
Mario: Pain... Hey wait a minute! Why
does eating heal me?
HP: 4/20 (Danger!)
NP: 14/17
SP: 1+3/20
Move: Uses Mushroom on self - Restores
5 HP.
Luigi
HP: 12/20
NP: 11/17
SP: 1+3/20
Move: Punch - Attack power 2-3, may
disarm, steal, get more criticals.
LUCKY CRITICAL!
Krool takes 6 damage (remember, his
defense is 0 at the moment). Luigi steals the Geno Wand.
Geno attacks. Krusha takes 10 damage.
Bowser: *WHOOSHISSSSSSSS!!!* (Firebreath
sound from Super Smash Bros. Melee)
HP: 18/30
NP: 12/12
SP: 1+3/20
Move: Firebreath - 5NP - Attack power
4-5, attacks horizontal plane of enemies and burns them (maybe).
K. Rool takes 5 damage and is burned.
Krusha takes 4 damage.
Yoshi: Hey! What about Egg Toss?
HP: 21/25
NP: 12/16
SP: 1+3/20
Move: Egg toss - Attack power 5-6,
inflicts status effects.
LUCKY CRITICAL!
Krusha blocks, takes 11 damage, and
is confused. In addition, he is out!
Enemy Start!
K. Rool: Hey! This ain't right!
K. Rool takes 1 damage.
HP: 12/50
Move: Barrelanche - Attack power 7,
hits all.
Yoshi dodges. Mario and Luigi block.
Mario, Luigi, and Bowser take 5 damage.
Mario: I AM GOING TO WIN!!!
Suddenly out of nowhere, an explosion is heard in the distance. Donkey Kong comes flying from K. Rool's castle, and hits K. Rool with tremendous force, dealing 12 damage and ending the battle.
G&W: Good job! You win 30XP and uh... HEY! There aren't any coins here! Either way, you also acquire the Geno Wand for good.
DK: I'll watch K. Rool and my jungle. You guys go, and thanks for helping me!
Mario's team makes a stop by the shop in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Shopkeeper Hart T: Welcome to Hart T's Heathy Hold. I have a new selection of items and a more convenient setting. You may rest here since this is an inn. That will cost 50 coins. Okay?
Mario: Sure! Is there a bonus?
Hart T: You get a present.
Mario's team recovers fully. Mario now has 338 coins.
Hart T: Here is your free Strength Juice. It raises you attack by 2.
Mario: WOW! Thanks, guy!
Hart T: You are welcome.
Mario: I kinda need help here (Hint: Popularity haggling). I need three Super Shrooms and a Maple Syrup.
Hart T: You have been such a good customer, I'll give a discount of two coins an item. 32 coins, please.
Mario now has 304 coins, the floppy disk, the Geno Wand, 2 Syrups, 4 Super Shrooms, 2 Maple Syrups, 1 Strength Juice, 2 1-Up Shrooms, and 1 Shroom Mist.
Mario: I like you. Thanks for the service.
Hart T: No way! Thanks for your service!
Mario's team heads northeast to Star Sumit. Mario throws the Geno Wand into the sky. Geno materializes into his starry form. The Star Road itself materializes (even though it is just magic). Mario, with his team following behind, easily makes his way up to Star Haven.
Eldstar: It is about time! (This section took long enough!)
Mario: Huh?
Eldstar: Never mind. Either way, your quest is complete. Go on and collect your adventure's reward.
The Star Spirits summon a... ehem... an ancient artifact of Nintendo! WOAH! This is good! It is the "Super Star"! Mario's own Smash Power increases by 1 to 4! He learns the Smash Move "SuperSize"! This increases his defense by 2, increases his attack by 2, and doubles his maximum HP until the battle ends or if it is reduced back to the normal maximum. I am saying this because G&W is too stunned to speak. It is like when Mario gets a Star Spirit or Crystal Star. The narrator takes over here.
G&W: This is going good. I think we may indeed have a chance to defeat the UE!
Mario: Let's-a go!
Mario's team heads back to the portal in Bowser's castle. For your information, the only reason it displays a Triforce is because that is where Mario is supposed to go. It really leads to a world map thingy that is really an overview of the Nintendoverse, and he can currently only head to Triforcia, Link's planet, unless he changes his mind and goes back to Plit.
Bowser: I'll go first!
Bowser attempts to go through the portal, but fails.
Yoshi: ?!
Yoshi fails to get through. Mario easily puts his hand through.
G&W: I guess only Mario can go through. Not to mention Luigi and me, who are on the floppy disk.
Bowser: Either way, I think Yoshi and I should watch Plit.
Yoshi: Good idea.
Mario: See ya!
Mario disappears into the portal and makes his way to Triforcia to continue his quest...