Cackletta's Return 2: The Birth of Marletta

By Fwipp Deathspeeder

Little Lemmy's Land Qualifier


Years have passed since Cackletta was buried under the ruins of the ice palace at Joke's End. As far as anyone knows, she still remains there, since her defeat at the hands of Mario and Peasley. She has remained undisturbed... until now.

Jokes End. Weather, cold, snowing. 10 o'clock AM

Fawful: The previous narration was incorrect! I have only left Cackletta alone for two weeks! In the case of any, I have finally mastered the fire hand technique!

Fawful holds both his hands over the remains of the ice palace. Sparks fly from his fingertips. His face scrunches into a look of deep concentration. He opens his eyes, and a blazing fireball takes shape between his palms. The cold ice begins too melt.

Fawful: Soon, O Great Cackletta, soon you will be free of the prison of ice!

Chapter One: Bowser's Surprise

At Bowser's castle...

Larry: Seriously, it wasn't me!

Kamek: Liars! They were certainly the ones who botched the potion I was developing to put Mario and Luigi out for good!

Bowser: Humpf. I believe you, Kamek. What do you three have to say for yourselves?

Lemmy, Ludwig, and Larry: We're sorry, King Dad.

Iggy: Heh heh... They're getting it now!

Larry: Shut up!

Bowser: That's enough! Now then... What will I do with you three?

Morton runs into the room, out of breath.

Morton: Uh... King Dad? I've got some bad news.

Bowser: Oh great. Why can't it be one crisis at a time?! Out with it, Morton.

Morton: Radar shows Mario and Luigi are approaching the castle.

Bowser: Ha! Those wimpy plumbers? How is THAT bad news?

Morton: ... Um... With an army of Yoshis.

Bowser: That's BAD. Boys, assemble all of our troops that can't be eaten! Tap Taps, Chain Chomps, ALL of them!

Wendy: What about me?

Bowser: You and Lemmy work the cannons. When the rest of you are done, get to your battle stations! Mario has got some nerve coming here! Roy, you work the radar, I will need a status report in a while.

Koopalings: Yes, sir!

Bowser: That's what I like to hear!

Meanwhile, halfway over Pipe Land...

Mario: That was a smart idea you had, Luigi!

Luigi: Yeah! Using the Yoshis to fly over the Pipe Mazes! Plus, Ludwig wasn't-a there to stop us!

Mario: Yeah... I wonder why? Anyway, let's-a go!

Back to Bowser's Castle...

Larry: Send out the Podoboos!

Morton: Send out the Chainless Chomps!

Lemmy: Send out the Micro-Goombas!

Larry: Lemmy, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on the roof, working the cannons!

Lemmy: Oh yeah. I forgot.

Morton: Hey, can't Yoshis eat Micro-Goombas anyway?

Ludwig: Wait... Lemmy has a point! They are too small to be eaten!

Larry: Fine. I'll send them out. Lemmy, go back to the roof.

Lemmy: Okay, okay. I'm going!

On the roof...

Lemmy: Hey, Sis! How is it going with the cannons?

Wendy: It would be easier if you were helping me, like you're supposed too.

Lemmy: Harsh.

Lemmy and Wendy start loading the cannons.

Wendy: Hey... wait a minute! Can't Yoshis eat Bullet Bills?

Lemmy: Not these! Iggy suped them up with Volt Shrooms!

Wendy: Nice one!

Roy pops out of a hatch.

Roy: Uh... Bad news, guys. The Mario Brothers have cleared Pipe Land!

Wendy: What about Ludwig? Why didn't he stop them sooner?

Roy: He has been telling King Dad that Lemmy and Larry were the ones who messed with Kamek's potion.


Roy: Well, Ludwig does go into some technical explanations sometimes.

Wendy: Whatever. Get back to your post! Oh, and tell Larry to send out his Piranha Plants. I mean ALL of them! Pale Piranhas, Putrid Piranhas, even the new Navel Piranha!

Roy: Uh... The Mario Brothers already defeated it when they were flying over.

Wendy: I don't care! Just make it snappy!

Lemmy begins snapping his fingers.

Wendy: At least I'm the smart one here... stop that! This is serious! Begin loading the Homing Bills!

Back on the border of Dark Land...

Mario: I wonder when those chumps will realize we are-a on our way?

Two Bullet Bills head toward the Brothers.

Luigi: I guess that-a answers your question. Yellow and Brown Yoshi! Lick 'em!

The two Yoshis swallow the Homing Bills whole, as instructed.

Mario: Let's-a go!

Suddenly, the Yoshis turn pale, as volts of electricity surge through them.

Brown Yoshi: Woah-oh!

The Yoshis fall out of the sky.

Luigi: I guess we might be-a in for more than we bargained-a for!

Mario: Here comes more trouble! Fire your-a eggs!

More Yoshis are knocked out of the sky, but then the Yoshis retaliate with eggs. Soon, Bills are exploding in midair. The Brothers continue to advance.

Luigi: Nothing will stop-a us!

Back on the roof...

Lemmy: Wendy, you're more crazy than I thought! That will never work!

Wendy: Quit being skeptical! I'm going to try it, so it'll work!

Wendy continues shoving the remaining Podoboos into the cannon. As the Podoboos are launched out of the cannon, it explodes in Wendy's face.

Lemmy: Ha ha. Told you so!

Wendy: Grrr... Why don't you go help Larry send out the troops?

Lemmy: Sure.

Lemmy enters the barracks, but Larry is nowhere to be seen.

Lemmy:  Where'd Larry go?

Iggy: Oh, he went to help Ludwig build some sort of "secret" weapon. Hey, while you're here. help me release the Chained Chomps.

Back on the battlefield...

Luigi: We've lost half our Yoshis! Those Chainless Chomps are KILLER! The Yoshis can't fight back!

Mario: Tell them to keep dodging. We've still got a ways to go before we-a reach King Koopa's castle! Wait a minute... What's-a that?

Luigi: Incoming!

Three Yoshis get badly burned by flying Podoboos. They fall to the ground like a dying Lava Piranha.

Luigi: Oh-a great! More Chomps! Pelt them with eggs! Swerve! Swerve!

Mario: Eggs have no effect! We have to keep-a going!

Suddenly a brown cloud envelops the Yoshis. They begin to slow down.

Luigi: Ack! What is-a happening?!

Mario: Micro-Goombas! The yoshis can't lick them! Help me burn them off, Luigi!

Back at the castle...

Roy: Good news! The plumbers have lost two-thirds of their Yoshis!

Bowser: Great work! Send out the rest of the troops!

Morton: Uh... All the troops ARE out, sir.

Bowser: What? That can't be! What about the Tap Taps?

Iggy: They are useless! They can't fly! But I've got good news. The yoshis are all out of eggs!

Bowser: Grr... At least that part of the plan worked out. Say... Where'd Larry and Ludwig go?

Lemmy: They're working on a top secret weapon, from what I heard.

Bowser: That's it! I'm heading out there! Morton, Iggy, you come too. Lemmy, get back to the roof and tell Wendy to send out the Bombshell Bills.

Back on the roof...

Wendy: This is exhausting! We're out of Homing Bills!

Lemmy: Bring out the Bombshell Bills. The Yoshis are out of eggs.

Roy: I'm back! I've got good news and bad news.

Wendy: What now?

Roy: The good news is that nearly all of the Yoshis have been knocked out of the skies. Without any eggs, they didn't stand a chance against the Piranha Plants!

Wendy: Good to hear SOMETHING went right today. What's the bad news?

Roy: A strange figure is flying toward where the Mario Brothers, Bowser, Iggy, and Morton should collide. It seems to be wearing some sort of headgear.

Wendy: That doesn't mean anything. At least we're winning! Get back to your post.

Roy: In a minute... Who let out the Thwimps?

Lemmy: I did.

Roy: You dunce, the Thwimps can't jump high enough to hit the Yoshis!

Lemmy: Whatever. Shouldn't you be watching the radar?

Roy: Oh yeah... Bye for now!

On the battlefield...

Bowser: Here they come... Wait for it, boys... NOW!

Bowser, Iggy, and Morton let out a huge fireball that knocks six Yoshis down. The remaining five land in front of the three Koopas, and the Mario Brothers calmly dismounted and walk up to Bowser and his sons.

Bowser: What's the big idea of you stupid Italians coming to MY castle? It's the other way around!

Mario: We've had enough of you! Stealing Peach... destroying the Mushroom Kingdom... It's-a me, Mario! And I'm fed up!

Luigi: That's right! It's-a payback time!

Iggy: Ha ha ha! You chumps think you can take US?

Morton: Yeah, don't make me laugh!

Suddenly an explosion in the middle of this dispute causes both sides to fall over.

Iggy: That better not have come from our castle!

Luigi: It didn't. Look!

There, floating above them, is Doopliss. He is wearing Fawful's headgear.

Iggy: Who's THAT weirdo?

Mario: You again? I thought we took you out last time!

Doopliss: Hey, chill, Slick! I just decided to drop by. Anyway, I thought "I can't miss the biggest battle EVER! Neither can anyone else!" Mario and Luigi challenge Bowser on his own turf? This is PERFECT! How'd you like to settle this once and for all, on TV?

Bowser: Huh?

Doopliss: That's right... Ah! There's my Camera Guy right now!

Camera Guy: *huff* Walking all this way takes some time. You can tell those dopes in the castle to stop launching those missiles anytime soon.

Iggy: Sure thing.

Iggy pulls out a cell phone.

Iggy: Wendy, quit with the Homing Bills.

Wendy: We're out of them already, you moron!

Iggy: Whatever. Hold your fire.

Bowser: I WOULD like to show everyone that I can take both these guys out. You plumbers got a problem with that?

Mario: Now I think it's-a good idea. Peach would LOVE to see me take you out!

Doopliss: Great! Commence filming! Oh, and keep with the trash talk. The audience loves it!

Camera Guy: Oh my back... You don't know how hard it was to lug this thing all the way! Why can't we keep doing Interviews?

Doopliss: Quit complaining. This is the story of the CENTURY! I want you to film the entire thing! Now then... keep doing what you were doing.

Back at the castle...

Wendy: What is going on down there?

Lemmy: I don't have a clue. Looks like the plumbers and King Dad are about to clash, and some cameraguy is filming the entire thing.

Roy: Hey guys! Did you know King Dad is on TV?

Wendy: Really? We just figured that out, lame brain. Now watch the radar like you're supposed to!

Roy: That's why I'm here! Two figures are flying toward them, in what appears to be a hovering chair of some sort. One is rather small, and the other is rather weak.

Lemmy: Uh, should we tell the others?

Wendy: Nah. Come on, guys, let's watch TV.

Back to the battlefield, again...

Mario: Oh, and I think you're ugly!

Doopliss: There you have it, folks! The final confrontation between the plumbers and the Koopas! Brought to you exclusively by me, Doopliss! Stay tuned!

Morton: Oh yeah, and Luigi is... um... a scaredy cat!

Luigi: Well, so are-a you!

Bowser: That's enough! It's go-time!

Bowser lets out a wave of fire, but the Brothers harmlessly jump over it.

Mario: Is that all you've-a got?

Suddenly a giant lightning bolt hits Doopliss, who falls to the ground. Fawful's headgear lands in a crater.

Doopliss: Ow.

Camera Guy: What action!

Fawful: I have returned to do much smiting! But first, it is the gloryful-ness of me to introduce to you rat-finks, the great Cackletta! But thus time, the victory shall be ours!

Fawful grabs the headgear and sucks up Cackletta.

Fawful: Do not be fretting, Cackletta! I know EXACTLY who to put your energy into!

Iggy: Don't even try to get our dad again, you freak!

Doopliss: Keep... filming...

Fawful: Now for the part of the best. Fire, my headgear!

Fawful shoots Cackletta's energy directly into Mario, who is instantly engulfed in purple smoke.

Chapter 2: The Birth of Marletta

Mario: Mamamiaaaaaa..aa.aa..Ah hah ha ha!!!

Fawful: The great Cackletta rises again!

Marletta: Call me Marletta! I feel like destroying all of you! Eyah ha ha ha!

Iggy: (into radio) Ack! Wendy! Open fire! Open fire!

Back in the castle...

Roy: Did you see THAT?

Lemmy: Yeah, that small guy's headgear lets him fly!

Roy: No, you dunce! Cackletta possessed Mario! Uh... Wendy? Shouldn't you be at the cannons?

Wendy: But this is a good show.

Lemmy zaps Wendy with his wand.

Lemmy: This is serious! Dad might need us.

Wendy: Fine, but we only have Bombshell Bills left! Oh, and I'll get you back later, Lemmy!

Lemmy: I'll be waiting. Now hurry up!

Back on the battlefield...

Morton: Take this, you mutant!

Morton attempts to blast Marletta with a burst of fire, but she backflips over it.

Marletta: You'll have to do better than that! I am unstoppable now!

Fawful: Incoming! Missiles of the sky-ness are headed toward the direction of us!

Marletta grabs the Bombshell Bill, and flings it back at the castle at blinding speed. It destroys the cannon, which blows up in Wendy's face.

Roy: (watching TV) Wow! It blew up in her face! That's TWICE in one day! This show is great!

Iggy: Now!

Iggy and Bowser catch Fawful in a net, while Marletta is distracted.

Fawful: Let me out, you Fink-Rats!

Bowser: Take this freak to the dungeons where he belongs!

Iggy: Sure thing, King Dad! Oh Morton, take the headgear to Larry as well. It might be useful for the "secret weapon".

Fawful: Do not have worries, Marletta! After you rescue me, I will pummel these fink-rats personally!

Marletta is too busy fighting the remainder of the troops to hear, and Morton heads back to the castle, with Fawful still ranting incoherently.

Bowser: Now that those two are gone, I will be the hero!

Bowser throws a Bulky Bob-omb at Marletta.


Bowser: Bwa ha ha! It looks like I'm victorious!

Marletta: Foolish Koopa! Did you actually think that could harm ME? Now have a taste of my power!

Marletta raises both arms to the sky, and an immense fireball takes shape. Lightning bolts stream down from the sky, and the remainder of the Yoshis run away in terror. The electric fireball erupts out of her hands, hitting Bowser and exploding in a cloud of smoke. When it clears, Bowser is lying on the ground, surging with electricity and covered in second degree burns.

Iggy: DAD!

Bowser: I'm... okay... *cough* for now.

Luigi: Mamamia! Mario, are you all right?

Marletta: HAVEN'T YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? I'm in control!

Bolts of electricity rain down once more, ravaging the battlefield and defeating the rest of Bowser's troops.

Iggy: Yikes! I better bring King Dad back to the castle, before he gets more hurt than he already is!

Iggy does just that.

Marletta: Now that the strongest of the Mario Brothers is under my control, NOTHING can stop me! Where did Fawful go? Oh, he'll catch up sooner or later. But now, I must be off to conquer the Mushroom and Beanbean Kingdoms! Oh, but first I'll zap the other Brother.

Marletta raises on arm, and a huge lightning bolt knocks Luigi unconscious. She then pulls out her cape, which is infused with green and yellow. It flaps in the wind as Marletta runs and jumps into the air.

Doopliss: Um... So there you have it, people! Mario possessed! Luigi defeated in one blow! Are we all doomed? You'll only see it here! Stay tuned! But first a word from our sponsors.

Camera Guy: And... cut! That was awsome! I got it all! Even Bowser getting blasted!

Doopliss: Great! Now I'm going to lie down and tend to my wounds... We'll follow her in a bit.

Camera Guy: Sure thing, boss!

In the castle dungeons...

Lemmy: Ludwig, can you understand anything he is saying?

Ludwig: No, he is too strange to comprehend.

Fawful: I HAVE FURY! Let me out, Fink-rats! Thus net of rope is too tight for me to do the escaping! You also better get with the returning of the headgear which should be in my possession!

Ludwig: Your efforts are futile. The headgear which you speak of is quite important to the creation of our secret weapon.

A loud explosion is heard from Ludwig's lab. Larry runs out, covered in smoke.

Larry: Uh... Ludwig? We have some... technical difficulties.

Ludwig: You moron! I should have known better than to leave you alone with that thing!

Lemmy: Uh... I'll go check on Wendy then. That explosion certainly couldn't have helped her makeup!

Everyone leaves Fawful alone. If they had not, then perhaps the rest of this story could have been avoided.

Fawful: This firepower is more useful than I had thought originally!

A tiny spark begins to form, which ignites the net. As the net burns, Fawful calmly walks out of the newly created hole. He then proceeds to melt the metal bars, and is out of his cell in a matter of minutes.

Fawful: Now how can I be leaving this castle of Koopas? I must leave my headgear as it is guarded most heavily, so how may I flee? Perhaps there is something I can find to make my escape.

Back on the battlefield, Luigi is just getting up, and his memory is returning.

Luigi: What happened... Mario! How can I-a save him? Gotta warn Peach... but what is-a fast enough to reach the Mushroom Kingdom in-a time?

Camera Guy: So Luigi, what are your plans?

Luigi: Leave me alone! I'm-a thinking!

Luigi looks around, but all the Yoshis have fled.

Luigi: What can I use? There is no way I can make it on the ground. Hey! A doomship! But the Koopalings aren't just going to let me borrow it. Well, I can't say I won't try!

Chapter 3: Luigi's Quest

In Bowser's castle...

Wendy: I'm okay, Lemmy! I just need a swim. I have to wash the smoke off. It goes horrible with my complexion!

Roy: Uh, guys? The radar is acting up again.

Lemmy: What now?

Roy: Luigi is at the front door.

Iggy: Is he trying to commit suicide? Who wants to take him out?

Wendy: Not me, I'm off to the pool.

With that, Wendy storms off.

Lemmy: Larry and Ludwig are busy installing weapons.

Roy: Aren't they a little late for a secret weapon?

Lemmy: You are NEVER late for a secret weapon. How about you, Roy?

Roy: I would love to knock him out, but sadly, I'm on radar duty. You can do it, Iggy.

Iggy: All right. Lemmy, go watch the prisoner.

Lemmy: Deal. But it's not like he can do anything anyway!

Meanwhile, Lugi has entered the Koopas' castle.

Luigi: Where is everybody? I hope the Koopalings don't show up!

Iggy jumps down from a rafter.

Iggy: Your luck just changed, Green Guy! Why did you come, anyway?

Luigi: I need a doomship so I can warn the Mushroom Kingdom!

Iggy: Psst! What's in it for us?

Luigi: You can't defeat Marletta! What are you going to do if she comes back?

Iggy: Uh... well...

Suddenly, the whole castle's lights begin to flash red, as sounds of "Code Red!" go through the hallways.

Iggy: What the...?

Luigi grabs a Bowser Statue from a corner and conks Iggy on the head when his back is turned.

Luigi: Now look whose luck has changed! But what's going on? Oh well... time to find a doomship!

Luigi races down the hallways. Meanwhile, in the dungeons...

Morton: What's going on?

Lemmy: It's not my fault, I just found out.

Ludwig: What's going on? These lights are interfering with my work!

Lemmy: Isn't it obvious? It's code red!

Morton: Uh, I forgot what that means.

Ludwig: Ahem! Code red: A prisoner is escaping!

Roy: How'd he do it without his headgear?

Lemmy: I have NO idea. When I got here, the ropes were burnt, the bars were melted, and he was gone! It's Iggy's fault, he was supposed to be watching him!

Morton: Where IS Iggy? I'll go look for him. The rest of you look for that toady guy!

Most of the Koopalings race down the hallways. Ludwig goes back to work on the secret weapon, and Wendy is still soothing her burns. Also, Iggy is still lying on the floor.

In another corridor...

Fawful: By now they have acknowledged my presence! I must flee hastily, or I am to be discovered, like the frog under a rock! But what is this... a ship that looks like a clown? This will do the trick, most perfectly!

Read on!

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