Author's Note: Before you read this, read SHADY PARAKOOPA AND DARK YOSHI 123 interview SHADOW MARIO so that you get a better idea of Shadow Mario. (And no, this isn’t a subliminal advertisement.)
Prologue:
In Bowser’s castle, the youngest of the Koopalings, Bowser Jr, is sitting in the Magikoopa potion lab reading a spell with potions laying all around. He is alone thinking, if that’s even possible for him. I will never know.
Bowser Jr: Narrate right or don’t narrate at all.
Fine.
Bowser Jr: Ever since Bowser sent the others to the Rogueport area to take it over while Mario is at the cheese castle, there is nothing left to do here. I wish I could help them, but I messed up so big last time that I don’t think I will be allowed to do anything too helpful for anyone else. But if this spell works, I’ll be helpful even if it kills everyone!
While Bowser JR continues to talk out loud to himself, I’ll show you what happened last time.
Flashback...
Bowser JR is walking through the long hallway in the castle when all of a sudden sobbing noises can be heard coming from Bowser’s room.
Bowser Jr: Dad?
He enters the room to see Bowser looking at a photo of Peach.
Bowser Jr: What are you doing?
Bowser: (hiding the photo) Umm… ahh… Nothing.
He accidentally drops the photo. Bowser Jr. picks it up.
Bowser Jr: Why are you looking at her? I thought you loved Mama Clawdia.
Bowser: Well you see… umm… she’s your real mother! Yeah, yeah, that’s right. (That was close!)
Bowser Jr: Then why does she never come and see us?
Bowser: … You see… Mario! He kidnaps her every time!
Bowser Jr: Then I will get her back by using this paintbrush I stole from E. Gadd!
Bowser: That’s the spirit! Ask the Magikoopas for some help.
Bowser Jr: Thanks, Dad!
He leaves.
Bowser: I give him a week.
One week passed and Bowser Jr, using a bandana to change into a poorly done shadowy Mario in order to frame Mario, fails horribly and is grounded for a year.
End flashback...
Bowser Jr: And after all that she turned out to not be my mother. Wait… What was he doing that night with the Peach photo anyway? … Who cares? If I can remake the bandana I can become Shadow Mario and, for some stupid reason, be able to shoot goop again! Then I’ll be helpful. Then… AHHH! I’m talking like Morton! And why am I talking to myself?
While pondering this, he grabs the book and the potions and starts to mix them.
Bowser Jr: Let’s see, it says…
Amazingly he can read.
Bowser Jr: If I didn’t need this thing written up, I’d fire you on the spot.
That wouldn’t be too bad, this thing stinks already.
Bowser Jr: Don’t make me get Morton in here.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *breathe* NOOOOOOO!!!
Bowser JR: Ok, where was I? Oh yeah, one Koopa shell, three eyelashes of a female Goomba, two Yoshi eggs, one Shady Paratroopa wing…
Shady: Hey!
Shadow Mario: Write it.
Bowser Jr: Ignoring the voices in my head and coming from the walls; and the final ingredient… one Poison Mushroom. Now to put on the new bandana, and I need a wand.
He looks but there is nothing but a discarded green gem.
Bowser Jr: I guess this could do.
He grabs the gem and sticks it over the E. Gadd label on the paintbrush.
Bowser Jr: Now, the magic words. Goop of goop, shadows of shadows, lend me the powers of the hero reborn of the darkness spire!
The ingredients start to glow, then turn into a black glow. They start to rise and hover towards the bandana, making contact and forming the image of a blue nose and mustache.
Bowser Jr: (putting it on) Let's take this for a spin.
Bowser JR starts to turn liquidly like in Super Mario Sunshine, but unlike last time, his vision turns fuzzy and he suddenly loses consciousness.
Later…
Bowser Jr: (waking up in his room) Ow… What happened?
Kamek: You used my defective gem.
He looks over and sees Kamek the Magikoopa by his bedside.
Kamek: That gem was mine when I was 10. It’s kind of old.
Bowser Jr: (More like ancient.)
Kamek: (I can read your mind.)
He has one?
Bowser Jr: That’s it!
He pulls out a Bob-omb and throws it at m…
BOOM!!
After taking all the money in Shady’s checking account, Shadow Mario hires the worlds best narrator, me.
Shadow Mario: Shut up and narrate.
Excellent! That’s way you’re the boss.
Shadow Mario: Suck up.
Bowser Jr: Too much talking. I hate RPGs!
Kamek: ???
Bowser Jr: Never mind. Where’s my brush and bandana?
Kamek: You’re still trying to get that to work? Well I didn’t see your toys down there. Also, Bowser would like to see you in the newly conquered Rogueport.
Bowser Jr: Yay! I get to go!
Bowser JR heads to Rougeport using Ludwig’s newly remade Koopa Crusher. When he arrives he notices that the Toad pirate team has been replaced with Koopa Troopas.
Bowser Jr: Oops, I forgot to bring my toothbrush and my healing items.
The Koopa Crusher blows up.
Bowser Jr: 0-0
Bowser Jr. heads to the central area of the city and heads west.
Zess T: Don’t move another inch! You might crush my contact lens!
Bowser Jr: I thought Dad conquered all of Rogueport.
Zess T: Your dad? Oh! That wimp. I whooped his butt.
Bowser Jr: Whatever.
He passes Zess T. and accidentally crushes something on the ground.
Zess T: YOU CRUSHED MY CONTACT LENS! Now you may not enter the west side!
She runs east, tripping and sending a truck full of glue off the road and under the west side's gate, which is to low for it so it gets stuck.
Bowser Jr: That was random. Hey! There’s a conveniently-placed pipe.
He enters the pipe and gets lost in Rogueport’s sewers. He eventually finds a huge door with a demon and seven glowing stars on it.
Bowser Jr: Pretty. I wonder what’s inside?
Bowser Jr. stupidly tries to open the door but before he can even go near it the seven stars on the door start to glow brightly and the stars shoot off the door and form the shape of a dragon.
Bowser Jr: Dang.
???: I AM STARTAIL! THE GUARDIAN OF THE THOUSAND-YEAR DOOR!
Bowser Jr: Double dang.
RPG time:
Bowser Jr. gets hit first
HP: 48
Bowser Jr: You only do 2 damage?
Startail: SHUT UP!
Bowser Jr: Indoor voice.
Bowser Jr, Claw Slash, 8 damage
Bowser Jr: Take that!
Startail, HP:292
Bowser Jr: Triple dang.
An hour passes and the remaining HP is, Bowser Jr: 2, Startail: 136.
Bowser Jr: Well, I’m going to die. At least I can see the bright side of this. NO MORE MORTON!
???: As tempting as that may sound, I need you in order to survive.
Bowser Jr: Great. The voices are back.
Bowser Jr starts to turn liquidy and then starts to change into the shape of a fat Italian plumber.
Shadow Mario: Shadow Mario is in the house!
New RPG battle!:
Shadow Mario, throws goop, damage 50
Startail: What the…
Startail poisoned
HP: 86
Startail, Star Breath, damage 0
Shadow Mario, summons 35 Stus
Startail, Star Stomp, damage 0
HP 85
Shadow Mario, throws goop, Stus tackle,
damage 50 +35=85
Shadow Mario wins!
Startail: So strong... Must not let him in...
Startail rams The Thousand-Year Door and transforms back into the Crystal Stars, which crumble.
Shadow Mario: Nuts.
Bowser Jr appears in stupid Yu-gi-oh spirit form.
Bowser Jr: You’re a real person? And you have 50 damage?!
Shadow Mario: Well, an alternant universe will do that to you. I think I’m stuck in you because you messed up the spell. Well, I guess it’s ok, I needed the Shadow Queen’s signature so I can divorce her.
Bowser Jr: But the door's shut and I heard that the door will only open to the Crystal Stars, but they’re broken.
Shadow Mario: No problem, SQ told me once that if the Stars break, I just need the seven rods that made the Stars to remake him.
Bowser Jr: Hey, my brothers have seven rods.
Shadow Mario: Great!
Bowser Jr: But I don’t know where they are.
Shadow Mario: That’s not good. Well let's get started and search for them.
Bowser Jr: Why should I help you?
Shadow Mario: I’m in your brain now. Besides me controlling your mind, I can tell people your secrets, like everyone knowing that you still wet the bed.
Bowser Jr: Fine.
Shadow Mario changes back into Bowser Jr, and they wander around again until they find Bowser’s underground castle.
Bowser Jr. and Shadow Mario: Finally!
Bowser: Good, you’re here, I want you to check up on your brothers.
Bowser Jr: Why?
Bowser: Every time I conquer something, Mario saves the day. So you make sure that he and his friends are under control.
Bowser Jr: Fine, so where do I go now?
Bowser: To Petalburg, Larry’s there. There’s a pipe somewhere down here.
Bowser Jr. and Shadow Mario: NOOOO! No more wondering around, please!
Bowser: Could've sworn I heard another voice. Must be going crazy again. Anyway, here’s a map of the underground, so I’m expecting you to never be late again.
Bowser Jr: And if I’m not here...?
Bowser: You will die.
Bowser Jr/Shadow Mario heads to the pipe that is surrounded by water, which leads to Petalburg.
Shadow Mario: WATER! It burns!
Bowser Jr: I’ll do the jumping.
Goombella: Not so fast!
Bowser Jr: I’ll take care of this.
He pulls out a flamethrower and burns her until there is only a hat, a pile of ashes, and her tattle book.
Shadow Mario: This could help.
They jump across and into the pipe.
Shady: Will this partnership work? Will Shadow Mario get a divorce? Will I ever see the light of day again?
Shadow Mario: No.
Shady: Continue reading Shadow Paper Mario: ROTCS!
Author: For those of you who read this I am truly sorry, and I promise that the next chapter will be better.