Chapter Four: The Second Key
Mario sat on the deck of the newly raised S.S. Shroom, when a Paratroopa with a pink shell flew onto the scene. It held a letter.
"Message for Mario," said the Paratroopa, and it flew off. Mario opened the letter, and it read:
To the dang plumber, Mario:
I received word that you defeated Rose Koopa and got the Water Key. You still have four more to go, and only six days left. Plenty of time to surrender or be a hero and rescue your Princess. I wanna see you die in a battle and not to skin cancer, so I sent you an airplane to pick you up at your exact coordinates.
Finally, Mario thought, as he looked at his surroundings: a sun dried ship in an "endless" sea. After the battle with Rose, the remaining Dry Bones decided to cheese it and jump in the ocean. And sink. For a few minutes, he lay on the deck, getting tanned. Then he went to shade himself in the Cap'n's quarters, then back outside because of the smell of rotten clams. Yuck. An airplane (those with the water things on them) landed next to the ship as a Koopa Troopa opened the door.
"Hop in," said the Troopa. Mario jumped to the door and closed it, buckled his seat belt, and the plane took off. After a few more minutes, it landed at the Dark Land Port Town, the place where Mushroomer goods are traded for Koopa goods (for those Koopa Troopas who aren't exactly loyal to Bowser for obvious reasons). Mario hopped off and the plane took off once more. He walked around and asked where he could stay. A Mushroomer immigrant* let him stay in his house for the night.
(* Immigrant: Don't ask me why, I just made it convenient.)
Lash checked her computers carefully and looked around. Technology surrounded her, though she longed for the days where you could just take out the hero/heroine and princess/prince and that was it. Ugh, but it's always good over evil, she thought. Always. Peach was staring at Lash, and Lash turned her back.
"What are you staring at, blondie?" she scowled like a cat who had its tail stepped on. "Be a good captive and just go to sleep. My business ain't your business."
"Why are you like this?" she asked, worried.
"I wasn't raised like Bowser, all pampered and stuff. I was a Koopaharian Taint*, so they treated me like dirt. I had to teach myself how to survive."
(* Koopaharian Taint: Legend has it that a Koopaharian Taint is destined to work for the Koopas, and since the Felis fear the Koopas despite being a third-world kingdom themselves, they treat any KT like dirt.)
"That's so sad," she said with tears in her eyes.
"I didn't care. I never had parents to defend me. No friends. The Koopas are like family for me. Though I serve them, I'll always think of them as the family I never had." She turned back to her computer and started typing equations. She then turned back to Peach and said, "Need a drink? I got soda."
Back in the Dark Land Port Town, it was a foggy dawn as Mario stepped out of the house and left the town, going west. He equipped his Tanooki Suit after walking a few yards and continued to fly west. He then found what he was looking for: an abandoned mine, the perfect place for the Earth Key. He landed near the entrance and walked down, grabbing a lamp that had a full battery (again, more convenience).
As he went deeper into the mine, he saw moss growing and Poison Mushrooms shriveling in the light. Finally, he found a room at the far end of the mine, a circular room with a pillar in the middle. In the middle was the Earth Key, made of clay and stone with a few rocks and some dirt thrown in. Wait, he thought. I’ve seen enough movies to know that this is a trap. He took out a Mushroom and quickly swapped the key for the Mushroom. Nothing. But then... *rumble, rumble, rumble... SMASH!* Mew Koopa broke in! She was wearing an Indiana Jones hat with matching whip.
"Ooh, trying to be a sneaky one, eh?" she said in her British accent. "You may have outsmarted my friend, but I'm smarter!" She pulled out her whip with her psychic powers. "By the way, name's Mew Koopa."
"And WHY are you telling me this?" Mario asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Just so you know before you die."
Monty Moles came out from everywhere and started throwing boulders. Mario took out yet another Starman and used it. The boulders crushed the Monty Moles. Mew used the whip and the Starman bounced away, but not before being whipped once more and shattering.
"Gasp!" Mario said.
"I know," Mew Koopa replied dully. She put on another evil face and beat Mario again and again, when a boulder came crashing down. Then another.
"Cripes!" Mew shouted. "This whole place is unstable!"
"Mew, come in, Mew! This is Lash, over!" something shouted in her tail collar.
Mew swung her tail to her head and replied, "Mew here, over."
"Situation?"
"Unstable cave!"
"Get Mario out. I wanna take him out myself."
"Right-o, Lash, over and out." Mew used Teleport and both got out of the cave. Mario found himself on the floor with a tired Mew Koopa. "For now, keep the bloody key. I gots other business somewhere else." She teleported once more.
Chapter Six: Flashbacks
(NOTE: This chapter will explain why
Rose and Mew Koopa are helping Lash, how Lash herself came across Bowser,
and other things that weren't previously explained.)
Mew Koopa had always wondered why Lash wanted to fight Mario herself. She remembered the moment when she got a letter from Lash informing her just that...
***
Mew had received a letter from Lash in the morning and waited for Rose to come back. She watched TV (trash TV, really), and a knock was heard on the door.
"Opening," she said, as she used Psychic and opened the door. Remember, Mew Koopa has the small arms of a Mew.
"I'm back with lunch," Rose said. In her arms were freshly killed Earth animals: rabbits, fish, birds... they never were a fan of eating Mushrooms every stinkin' day. "You got any mail, ol' pal o' mine?"
"Yes, I do," the Mew said, "and I was waiting for you so I could open it." She opened it with her small arms since they were in range. The letter read:
Dear Mew and Rose Koopa:
You might have noticed that you have been informed about the "tussle" between me and Mario in Dark Land. I sent this letter to tell you that you need to guard those Keys with your life. What am I saying?! He'll take 'im anyway. But I DO need him to get the Keys so I can open this dang Lock of Thzaiko. I wanna get rid of blondie here (Peach) so that Mario'll have nothing to fight for, I kill him, and the Koopas'll reign supreme. If this doesn't make sense, just make sure you guard the Keys anyway. Villain tradition, ya know. 'Cept I don't monologue. Just get to these Keys that I've assigned you to.
Rose Koopa:
Water Key-Ruins of S.S. Shroom
Fire Key-Lava lake inside Mt. Majesty
Mew Koopa:
Earth Key-Abandoned mine in Dark
Land, near Port Town
Wind Key-Felis Kingdom Castle Town,
on the cloud above Felis Village
As for me, I'll keep the Wood Key for myself until her arrives. Ciao! ~_^
"Really! 'Not as evil as Bowser...' She has the potential to be TWICE as evil as that bloody old loon!" she denounced, spinning around until she got dizzy.
"Well, her power's under the Koopalings*, so there's nothing she can do about it," Rose replied, sweatdropping at the near-vomiting Mew Koopa.
(*Under the Koopalings: In power, Bowser and Clawdia are at the top; the Koopalings, from eldest to youngest, are next in line; then Lash; then the Magikoopas; and finally, the soldiers of Bowser's army.)
"But, STILL!" she argued. Mew sighed and put the letter on the table and told Rose, "Cook that meat. We dine like queens today!"
"That rabbit was still good though, but not without Lash." Mew sat on the chair of her house, looking at her roommate, who was watching Jerry Springer, which is more trash TV.
"Rose, you old loon, that stuff melts your brain to cheese pudding, ya know," Mew told Rose.
"Mya, it'll be all right," she said, watching the TV.
***
Lash sat on the edge of the road where her house, built in a cave on the side of Mt. Majesty, was. She looked at the sunset, and then down: Lake Groudon, which she had named herself, was a small lake of lava with a small earth platform in the middle and a sign saying "CAUTION! Very hot lava below."
"The day I came across a job as Bowser's Elite Lackey is the day I'll never forget," she sighed, smiling with a fanged tooth sticking out of her lips.
***
It was a stormy day in Dark Land, and everyone had something to do. Larry was tending to his new plants; Morton Jr. was practicing his speech to some tied up Koopa Troopas; Wendy was trying out new makeup; Iggy and Lemmy were ready to pull a prank on Roy; Roy, himself, was working out; and Ludwig was conducting music, since he was a bit tired from his inventions blowing up in his face. Bowser, however, had nothing to do, even though his wife was already doing some gardening in the other greenhouse, next to Larry's. Then, someone burst through the double doors of the castle, dripping wet. The head and "tail" was bandaged up, and the headwrap only showed the eyes with holes for the nose. The person wore a red jumpsuit with a Japanese smoke cloud on the left leg, a black and pink punk skirt, gloves to cover the person's giant hands, and ninja boots that showed the toes of what looked like cat paws. Bowser, enraged, had screamed.
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. A window somewhere in the castle shattered.
"I want to work for you, Lord Bowser," said the figure, kneeling down in front of him.
'LORD Bowser, eh?' he thought. 'I like that.'
"I aim to please, Lord Bowser, and I live to serve any and all commands," she continued, "until the day I die, no payment."
"What position are we talkin' ‘bout?" he asked, intrigued by the person's offer.
"Elite Lackey," she said. "Just under the Koopalings, but over Magikoopas."
"Well, Magikoopas aren't very reliable these days," he said, scratching his chin, "so you'll need to pass a test if you want that position. You must retrieve a Power Star from the Princess' Castle, a Mushroomer's hat, and..." he thought for a moment. "...a Blue Winged Spiked Shell." He smirked. "But take off those bandages and tell me your name."
The figure took off the bandages on her face and revealed a furry face with pink hair, yellow eyes, and fanged teeth sticking out of the mouth. "Lashamaru. Felis, age 1200 (12 in Felis years), demon cat at your service."
"A freak?! What is this, a joke?!" he screeched. Another window broke. "How can you be an Elite Lackey if you're a FREAK?!" Two more windows broke. "You're paying for those."
"Demons are far stronger, smarter, faster, and more advanced than any soldier of your great army, Lord Bowser," she said. "Believe it. I will retrieve those items." She put on her head bandages and left through the doors. After an hour, Lashamaru came back with a Power Star, a Mushroomer, and a Blue Winged Spiked Shell.
"What's with the Mushroomer?" he asked her, greatly confused. Lash took off the hat and showed what was under it. I won't tell you, though. "No wonder they wear hats." His eyes were wide as dinner plates at the sight. "All right, you pass. Where're you gonna sleep?"
"The dungeon."
"... You're kidding, right?"
"No, Lord. I'm dead serious. A dungeon has more items than my home right now."
"No way, you're staying at your 'house', and maybe I'll send a bed. I just want you to retrieve one more item, though."
"And what would that be?"
"4.5 billion coins."
"I steal that much so the Felis Kingdom doesn't go into debt every year. I'll get it, easy peasy."
"Then hop to it!"
"Yes, Lord Bowser." Lash ran out the door. After two hours, Lash came back with a big bag of coins, punch and kick marks all over her, and a scorch mark on her leg. "I stole these from the Mushroom Bank, and took a beating from Mario. Still not gonna stop me."
"You're very tough, I see," he said, again intrigued. "I like that."
***
"Those were the good days," she said to herself. "But that's what she told me. She might've lied..."
***
"Hey, have you heard why she wants Mario to get those Keys himself for her and not us?" Rose said to Mew, as the Koopa wannabe walked into the house. "I heard that she follows villain tradition: the hero retrieves the Keys, and when the hero and villain meet, the villain kills the captive in front of the hero, the hero emotionally breaks down, and the villain takes out the hero. But she doesn't monologue."