Luigi and Waluigi's Mansion

Started by Mario64

Area 4: Vacuum up the Clockwork Soldiers in the Clockwork Room

By Brick Block

Luigi and Waluigi walk into the Clockwork Room.

Waluigi: Where are we?

Luigi: Assuming the narrator isn't messing with us, we're in the Clockwork Room.

Waluigi: There's a lot of clocks here.

Luigi: Brilliant observation, Sherlock.

Waluigi spots the motionless Clockwork Soldiers standing in front of some playhouses.

Waluigi: Hey, look at those funny dolls.

Luigi: Uh, I'm pretty sure those are ghosts.

Waluigi: What makes you so sure about that?

Luigi: I dunno. Maybe it's because they are transparent, have creepy green eyes, and emit an eerie glow from their bodies. You know, kinda like the other portrait ghosts we caught be-

Luigi notices Waluigi putting his hand in and out the Green Soldier's head repeatedly.

Luigi: WOULD YOU STOP DOING THAT?!

Waluigi: Sorry. It's just that I always wanted to mess around with those British royal guards that just stand there without moving an inch.

Luigi: Those guys don't look British to me. I think they are supposed to be French or something like that.

Waluigi: Who cares? They're both from Asia, anyway.

Luigi: ...

Waluigi: Why are you staring at me like that?

Luigi: Never mind. Let's just get back to work and find a way to expose their hearts.

Waluigi: I'd rather go find some cash.

Luigi: Glad to see that you care so much about your brother's fate.

Waluigi: You think Wario would care if he was in my place?

Luigi: ... Good point. Just don't interrupt me.

They both go their own ways. Waluigi checks a nearby clock and accidentally activates it.

Waluigi: Meh, no money here.

Waluigi walks around and finds another clock. Everything happens just like before.

Waluigi: Dang! No money here either! Maybe I'll find something of value inside that other clock over there instead of more termites.

He walks up to the next clock and the predictable happens. The Soldier Ghosts start moving.

Luigi: Hey, how did you do that?

Waluigi: Your guess is just as good as mine.

Blue Clockwork Soldier: Enemy soldiers spotted right ahead of us! Let's show them what the British Royal Army can do!

Green Clockwork Soldier: Uh, sir, didn't you hear what the green-capped guy just said? We're not British.

Pink Clockwork Soldier: Yeah, he said we were French or something like that, sir.

Blue Clockwork Soldier: B-But I can't speak French!

Green Clockwork Soldier: M-Me neither, sir.

Pink Clockwork Soldier: I-I can't even spell "French" right, sir.

Blue Clockwork Soldier: You know, doesn't matter! We were all made in Taiwan and we can't speak Chinese either! Let's just kill them with our toy cork guns or whatever these things are!

Green and Pink Clockwork Soldiers: Understood, sir!

Waluigi: Now what, Luigi?

Waluigi gets hit on the left eye by a cork.

Waluigi (90): Ow! That wasn't funny!

Waluigi gets hit on the right eye by a cork.

Waluigi (80): Ow! That wasn't funny either!

Waluigi gets hit on the nose by a cork.

Waluigi (70): Ow! Still not funny!

Green Clockwork Soldier: Well, it wasn't funny either when you kept putting your hand in and out my head.

Waluigi: Grr...

Waluigi shines his flashlight on the Green Soldier, but it doesn't work.

Waluigi: What?! They're immune to light?! COME ON!!! How are we supposed to catch them now?!

Luigi: Don't worry. I know exactly what to do.

Luigi uses his Poltergust to spin the Pink Soldier's wind-up key. This eventually reveals the Pink Soldier's heart.

Luigi: Playtime's over!

Pink Clockwork Soldier: Was the pun really necessary?

Luigi catches the Pink Clockwork Soldier.

Waluigi: How did you find out that you were supposed to do that?

Luigi: I didn't. It was a lucky shot.

Waluigi: ...

Luigi: At least we don't have to spend pages and more pages figuring it out, anymore.

Waluigi: True.

Blue Clockwork Soldier: No! The Pink Soldier is down! It's up to you to avenge him, Green Soldier!

Green Clockwork Soldier: But sir, I hated the Pink Soldier...

Blue Clockwork Soldier: Me too. But somebody here has to avenge him.

Green Clockwork Soldier: *sigh* Yes, sir!

Luigi manages to catch the Green Soldier by doing the exact same thing he did before.

Luigi: One more left!

Luigi repeats the process with the Blue Soldier and succeeds.

Blue Clockwork Soldier (0): YOU WERE LUCKY I WASN'T A TRANSFORMERS ACTION FIGURE!!!

The room lights up.

Waluigi: All in a day's work!

Luigi: You gotta be kidding me! I was the one who did all the hard work here!

Waluigi: Stop being so jealous of my skill.

Luigi: ...

Luigi notices that the middle playhouse's door has opened.

Luigi: Come on, let's get in there.

Waluigi: I'd rather go back to the Telephone Room and order a pizza.

Luigi: ...

Waluigi: I'M HUNGRY!

Luigi: ...

Luigi drags Waluigi to the playhouse.
 

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