Wart's Revenge

By Beezo'n'Weldar

Chapter 4: Ishnael Inc.

The lobby was huge at Ishnail Inc. And fancy at that. At the desk was a rather fancily-dressed Craw with a telephone simply saying, "Ishnail Incorporated, please hold. Ishnail Incorporated, please hold," over and over.

"Woah..." Luigi said, uneasily. "This place is huge... My head hurts."

"Hey there, pinhead," somebody said, seemingly to Luigi.

"Huh?" Luigi said.

"That's right, I'm talking to you, cousin," the figure said again.

"... Oh... no..." Luigi said. "Waluigi, what are you doing here?!"

"Is there any reason I should tell you?" Waluigi said. "But if you must know, I'm looking for a job that pays good."

"So you're looking in Ishnail Inc?" Luigi said, holding in laughter.

"Why, you got a problem with that?" Waluigi asked.

Then Luigi burst out laughing.

"Ugh, you're gonna pay for that!" Waluigi said before he attacked.

Luigi: 10 HP
Mallow: 5 HP
Waluigi: 10 HP

Waluigi uses Bob-omb throw.
A Bob-omb appears.
Bob-omb: 3 HP

Luigi uses Jump on Waluigi.
Waluigi: WAGH!
Waluigi: 8 HP

Mallow uses Thunder. Mallow raises both arms.
Waluigi: 5 HP
Bob-omb: 1 HP - Peril!

Waluigi uses a Mushroom.
Waluigi: This is gonna be good!
Waluigi: 10 HP

Bob-omb charges up. His fuse lights.

Luigi switches with Mallow.

Mallow uses Scan on Bob-omb. He pulls out a book.
HP: 3, Defense: 0, Attack: 4
Bob-ombs are basically walking bombs. You've seen them before. Fire will beat them in one hit, but they're ice-resistant. When you hit them once, they'll get mad, so watch out!

Luigi uses a Fire Flower.
Waluigi: 9 HP
Bob-omb: 0 HP
Bob-Omb is out.
Bob-omb: Fire makes me SO ANGRY!
Explosion hits Waluigi.
Waluigi: 5 HP

Waluigi uses Charge Punch on Luigi. His hands turn black and a purple aura surrounds them.

Mallow uses Scan on Waluigi.
HP: 10, Defense: 0, Attack: 2
Waluigi is your cousin. He has a cool purple hat and awesome black overalls. Isn't he Wario's brother? Anyway, his normal Punch attack does 2, but it does 5 when he charges.

Luigi uses Hammer.
Waluigi: 3 HP

Waluigi's hands stop glowing.
Waluigi: WAGH! You threw me off guard!
Waluigi uses Punch on Mallow
Waluigi: Take this, Mr. Overgrown Marshmallow!
Mallow: 3 HP

Mallow switches with Luigi

Luigi uses Hammer.
Waluigi: 1 HP - Peril!

Mallow uses Thunderbolt.
Mallow: This'll get you!
Waluigi: 0 HP
Waluigi: OWIE!


"Ow, that hurt!" Waluigi said.

"I know," said Luigi. "I may not be as strong as Mario, but I am still pretty strong!"

"Yeah..." Waluigi said. "Anyway, I have some questions for you."

"Shoot!" Luigi said, happily.

"Okay. You get a lot of coins going on adventures, right?"


"And you get to fight a lot of people?"


"And you get a lot of items and new moves?"

"Um, yeah. Why?"

"That settles it," Waluigi said. "I'm coming with you."

"WHAT?!" screamed Mallow and Luigi.

"Yep. And before you even ask, I'll give you three good reasons why. One, I love coins! Two, I love fighting! Three, I love learning new ways to beat the snot out of people!"

"Fine," Luigi said. "You can come with us. Right now we need to get to the top of this place and talk to Ishnail."

So, Luigi, Mallow, and Waluigi went up to the person at the front desk.

"Excuse me," Luigi said.

"Yes, what is it?" the Craw asked.

"We need to see Ishnail."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Um..." Luigi stuttered.

"Yes," Waluigi cut in. "We do."

"... Okay, give me your names."

"Umm..." Waluigi said.

"Mallow Nimbus, Prince of Nimbus Land," Mallow said.

"Oh, and my brother is a friend of Ishnail," Luigi said. "Without him, Ishnael wouldn't have this skyscraper. Or these industries."

"Okay... and who's he?" he said, pointing to Waluigi.

"I'm his cousin," Waluigi responded.

"Okay, you can go in." Then, a door opened to the hallway. "Go on in."

So, our two heroes and one villain walked into the hallway.

"Woah, this place is filled with expensive stuff!" Waluigi said as he walked over to an expensive vase. "I think that I'll just..." Then, he picked up the vase, which set off an alarm. Two Craws ran over to see Waluigi tossing the vase to Luigi, who tossed it to Mallow, who tossed it back to Waluigi, and so on and so forth.

"'Ey, you!" said one of the Craws. "Put down 'at vase before I knock you ta Kingdom Come!"

"Yeah, what he said!" said the other Craw.

"Umm..." Waluigi said. "Okay." Then he dropped the vase. It shattered.

"Now you've done it!" Mallow said.


Waluigi: 10 HP
Mallow: 5 HP
Luigi: 15 HP
Craw 1: 10 HP
Craw 2: 10 HP

Craw 1 uses Spear Throw on Luigi.
Craw 1: Take dis!
Luigi: 13 HP

Craw 2 uses Spear Ram on Waluigi.
Craw 2: Charge!
Waluigi: 9 HP

Luigi uses Hammer on Craw 1.
Luigi: Take this!
Craw 1: 8 HP

Mallow uses Scan on Craw 1.
HP: 10, Defense: 0, Attack: 2
That's a Craw. They used to be guards of the east side of town, but now they're security. They're all just Ishnail's flunkies, though, so they shouldn't be a problem. right?

Waluigi uses Punch on Craw 1.
Craw 1: 6 HP

Craw 1 uses Spear Point.
He lifts his spear in the air, preventing any physical aerial attacks from working.

Craw 2 uses Spear Point.
He puts his spear in front of him, preventing any physical non-aerial attacks from working.

Luigi uses Jump on Craw 2.
Luigi: Go Luigi!
Craw 2: 8 HP

Mallow uses Thunder.
Double damage on Craw 1.
Craw 1: 2 HP - Danger!
Craw 2: 6 HP

Waluigi uses Punch on Craw 1.
Waluigi: Bye-bye, birdy!
Craw 1: 0 HP.
Craw 1 is out.

Craw 2 uses Spear Throw on Mallow.
Craw 2: Take this, you cloud-marshmallow thing!
Mallow: 3 HP

Luigi uses Jump on Craw 2.
Luigi: Ya!
Craw 2: 6 HP

Mallow uses Thunderbolt on Craw 2.
Craw 2 is electrified.
Craw 2: 3 HP - Danger!

Waluigi uses Aerial Kick on Craw 2
Craw: 0 HP.
Craw 2 is out.
Waluigi is hurt because of the electrification.
Waluigi: 8 HP


"Blimey!" Craw 1 said.

"Ow," said Craw 2. "RETREAT!"

Then the Craws ran off. Unfortunately now security was on their tail and if they wanted to see Ishnail, they would have to fight. A lot.

So they set off, continuing down the hallway until they found a door at the end.

"I'll try it," Luigi stated as he turned the door knob. Unfortunately it was locked, and the only other place they could go in was a door they saw on their way through the hallway. Luigi opened the door, and they were in a maze room.

"Maybe we should split up?" Waluigi asked.

"No," Mallow replied. "If the key is in here and we find it, then it'll take a lot longer for the other two people to get out along with the person who has the key."

"Hey!" someone yelled. "Who goes there?" Then a Craw stepped out of the maze. He was accompanied by a Goomba and another Craw who was holding a chain with an Albatoss on the end.

"Get him!" yelled the Goomba as they attacked.

Luigi: 15 HP
Waluigi: 10 HP
Mallow: 5 HP
Craw: 10 HP
Craw Tamer: 10 HP
Albatoss: 13 HP
Goomba: 2 HP

Luigi switches with Mallow.

Mallow uses Scan on Goomba.
HP: 2, Defense: 0, Attack: 1
Goombas are... Goombas. Nothing special about them. They used to just walk around and hope you don't
squish them.
Goomba: Hey!
Anyway, they're not too hard. Get them with one timed hit and you're done.

Waluigi uses Punch on Goomba.
Waluigi: This is gonna be easy!"
Goomba: 0 HP.
Goomba is out!

Luigi uses Hammer on Craw.
Timed hit = -4!
Craw: 6 HP

Craw uses Spear Throw on Luigi.
Craw: Take this!
Luigi: 13 HP

Craw Tamer uses Power-Up on Albatoss.
Craw Tamer: Here ya go!"
A red circle appears around Albatoss, and the bird grows about the size of Mallow. Albatoss attack 2x2=4!

Albatoss uses Bob-omb Summon.
A Bob-omb appears in Albatoss' talons and the bird throws the Bob-omb on the ground.

Bob-omb uses Fuse. Its fuse lights on fire.

Mallow uses Scan on Albatoss.
HP: 13, Defense: 1, Attack: 2
Albatoss are birds that can summon Bob-ombs. They have a defense of 1, and can only be attacked with aerial attacks. Waluigi's Charge Punch would be your best bet against these guys. Or if you have a Dodo
item then you can make them fall to the ground. Otherwise, these are pretty hard.

Waluigi uses Charge Punch.
Waluigi: Thanks for the tip!"

Luigi uses Jump on Bob-omb.
Fuse effect worn off.
Bob-omb: 1 HP - Peril!

Craw Tamer uses Power-Down on Mallow.
Craw Tamer: I'll squish you like a bug!
A blue circle appears around Mallow. It starts out big, but gets smaller, then disappears. Mallow turns tiny.

Waluigi uses Charge Punch.
He shoots forward and everything goes dark. A  roaring noise is heard. Then the lights come back on. Mallow is normal-sized, Luigi is big, Waluigi has defense-up, Craw Tamer is dizzy, Albatoss is flightless and normal-sized, Bob-omb is burnt, everything in the background is gone, the enemies are at 1 HP, and Mallow, Luigi, and Waluigi have an extra turn.

Mallow uses Scan on Craw Tamer.
Craw Tamer
HP: 10, Defense: 0, Attack: 0
Craw Tamers are pretty good, for people who can't attack, that is. They can power up whatever they're
holding on the end of their chain. They can use Power-Up, Defense-Up, Electrocution, Heal, and Gravity
Negative on their pets. Also, if they have already used all of these, then they can use Extra Move and

Luigi uses Multi-Jump.
He successfully jumps on all of the enemies, destroying them.

Level up for Mallow! Next battle he'll have 10 HP!

"Aw, crud," the Goomba said. "RUN AWWWAYYYYYY!" They sped off.

"Well," Luigi said. "Let's go!"

They made their way through the maze, just to find three doors. Each had a rhyme on it. The one on the left said:

"An exotic baddie lives in here,
But it is surely nothing to fear,
As long as you have seen one before,
Then go ahead and open this door."

"Hm," Mallow said. "Let's read the other ones, first then see which one would be best."

The middle door said:

"2 treasure chests live inside here,
Both are evil,
But one is not,
And the other one breeds Bahamut"

"Bahamut?" Luigi said.

"TREASURE!" Waluigi yelled.

"Hm..."  Mallow said. "Let's read the last one."

The final door read:

"This final door,
Is crawling with evil,
It hardly has a floor,
But if you really concentrate,
Then you will make it,
With power that's great."

"Well," Luigi said, "we should split up, and then come back to add up our earnings. Or, we could each go
through each door at the same time, then split our earnings equally, plus we might get some power-ups."

"Ooh!" Waluigi said. "I want power-ups!"

"Well, it's decided," Mallow stated. "We'll each go through the same room at the same time."

Door 1: An Evil Artichoke

They first went in the door on the left. Inside, it was just a simple room with no furniture. The only thing
interesting was the small plant on the ground.

"What is that?" Luigi said. "An artichoke?"

"An artichoke?" Waluigi said. "Those things are disgusting!"

"Hmmm..." Mallow said. "Well, there's got to be something in here! Especially since the door's locked."

"I'll go over and inspect the artichoke," Luigi said. He walked over to the  plant. Pretty soon he could hear gurgling noises. He walked closer, and all of a sudden the artichoke turned huge and a head came out of the
middle of it! As if that weren't enough, it attacked Luigi!

Luigi: 15 HP
Waluigi: 10 HP
Mallow: 10 HP
Artichoker: 30 HP

Luigi uses Jump.
Luigi: Take this!
The Artichoker gurgles, then bites Luigi.
Luigi: Yow!
Luigi: 14 HP

Mallow uses Scan.
20 HP, 2 Defense, 3 Attack
That's an Artichoker. It's name is a mix of artichoke and choker. Artichoker. Anyway, you can't jump on it
(as Luigi has already found out) and its defense is too high to hit with a hammer. If we could burn it, then
its defense would drop down to 0 and we could beat it pretty easily, provided it's high attack. And if we
freeze it, then it'll get angry at us and its attack will go up! So, look out, unless you've got a transparency,
which will make you turn invisible, and when it misses, it'll get hurt by itself.

Waluigi uses Punch on Artichoker.
Waluigi: Hope this works.
Artichoker: 20 HP

Artichoker walks up to Waluigi. It lifts its head up , then tries too bite him, but misses. He falls to the ground and hits his head.
Artichoker: 18 HP

Luigi uses Defend.

Mallow uses Defend.

Waluigi charges up an attack.

Artichoker uses Bubble on Mallow.
It lifts its head up, then gurgles. A giant bubble comes out of its mouth and floats towards Mallow. It runs
into him, but instead of poisoning him, it goes around him and he floats into the air.
Mallow: I forgot that when you use Defend something different happens!

Luigi uses Defend again.

Mallow uses Bubble Bowl.
He rams the Artichoker by running in his bubble.
Artichoker: 14 HP

Waluigi uses Bob-omb Buddy Throw.
He throws a red Bob-omb on his side against the Artichoker.

Artichoker uses Bite.
He does the same thing he did to Luigi as he did to Waluigi, but doesn't miss.
He turns a purple color and is poisoned.

Luigi uses Defend.

Mallow uses Electrocute on Waluigi.
Waluigi has a bunch of lightning bolts covering him, but he's not hurt.

Artichoker uses Refresh.
He gurgles and turns back to his normal color.

Mallow uses Thunderbolt.
Mallow: I hope this works.
Artichoker: 14 HP
Mallow: Guess not.

Luigi uses Hammer.
Artichoker: 12 HP

Waluigi uses Punch.
Waluigi: Take this!"
Artichoker: 12 HP

Bob-omb Buddy uses Fuse.
Its fuse lights as it makes that cool Bob-omb noise from Super Mario 64.

Artichoker uses Vigor Up.
Mallow: Huh? He's not supposed to know that move!
Artichoker glows blue and green.
Artichoker Defense +1=3

Luigi uses Hammer.
Artichoker: 12 HP

Waluigi uses Punch.
Artichoker: 12 HP

Mallow uses Thunderbolt.
Artichoker: 12 HP

Bob-omb Buddy uses Explode.
Artichoker: 11 HP
In a freak accident, a strange bucket of ice falls on Artichoker and he gets frozen.
Luigi, Mallow, and Waluigi: Woah!
Waluigi: That was just freaky!
Luigi: For once, I agree!"
Mallow: Um... That was unexpected...

Luigi uses Hammer.
Artichoker: 11 HP
The ice around him breaks, and the Artichoker is red when it comes out.
Its attack goes up by 2, but its defense goes down by 2, plus the Vigor Up wears up, so it has 5 Attack and 0 Defense.

Waluigi uses Punch.
Artichoker: 9 HP

Mallow uses Thunderbolt.
Artichoker: 6 HP

Artichoker uses Mad Bubble.He spits out three red bubbles, and each homes in on the two heroes and one semi-hero.
Luigi: 9 HP
Waluigi: 5 HP
Mallow: 5 HP

Luigi uses Hammer.
Timed Hit = 4 Damage
Artichoker: 2 HP - Danger!

Waluigi uses Punch.
Artichoker: 0 HP
Artichoker is out!


The Artichoker gurgled and then shrunk. And shrunk. And shrunk. Until it was so small that it shrunk out of existence. The door unlocked, but other than that, there was no way out.

"Hmm..." Mallow said. "Maybe we need to complete each door to get the way out."

"Ugh!" Luigi said. "With our luck we'll have to fight two Shadows and a Duplighost with a party hat!"

Door 2: Two Shadows and a Duplighost with a Party Hat

They entered the door on the right, and inside was seemingly nothing but a small path to a giant platform. The three saw another three on the platform. Now would be a good time to cue the Shadow Siren theme
song, because on the platform were Beldam, Marilyn, and Doopliss.

"Mwee he he he he!" Beldam snickered. "At long last we have found a way out of here!"

"You could've just transported there," Doopliss said to himself. "Or I could have turned into a key."

"Shut up, Freak-Sheet" Beldam commanded.

"Guh!" Marilyn said.

"I know," Beldam responded.

"And what is this oh-so-brilliant idea of yours, Beldam?" Doopliss sarcastically asked.

"Mwee he he he he!" she laughed as she whispered something to the two.

"WHAT?!" Doopliss yelled.

"Do it now, Freak-Sheet, or I'll tell Master Wart!" commanded Beldam.

"Well, uh... Fine." At that moment, he turned into Tubba Blubba.


"Wah!" Tubba screamed as he turned into a purple shadow.

"I'll get whoever did this to me!"

Back with Doopliss...

He ran towards the door, mumbling to himself on the way. "I just HAD to be this big, ugly, stupid coward, didn't I? I could've been the Crystal King, but no!"

Luigi noticed the monster coming towards them. "WAH!" He screamed. This caught the Shadow Sirens' attention. They sunk into the ground (except for Doopliss, of course, who turned back to normal and ran over) and appeared in front of Luigi.

"Who in the world are you?" Waluigi said.

"Mwee he he! Why, we are..." Beldam started.

"The three," Marilyn added.

"Shadow Sirens!" Doopliss finished.

"And we're going to give you quite an unpleasant beating." Beldam said.

"Yeah." Doopliss added. "Later!"

"WHAT?" Beldam yelled.

"Well, I was just thinking that since the door's wide open..."

"Ugh." Beldam sighed. "Fine. We'll leave now. But don't expect us to be friendly next time we meet. I don't like you." And with that, the Shadow Sirens ran off.

"That was weird," Luigi said. "Hey, what's that over there?" He pointed to the giant platform, and on it was a huge monster.

"Woah!" Luigi said as he stared at the giant monster. He walked over to it, just to find out it was a statue. It was black, and looked like it had many eyes. Giant claws stuck out of its sides and it had three tentacles on the top of it. It also had a slot where something fit in.

"That looks like a Smorg!" Mallow said.

"Yessssssss..." a voice said from nowhere.

"Wh-Who are you?" Luigi asked.

"Who am I? Why, I am none other than the sssssstatue of the Sssssssmorg!" the statue replied.

"But... You can talk! That's unnatural," Waluigi said.

"Why, I'm not exxxxxxactly a sssstatue..." it said back.

"Then what are you?" Luigi asked

"I'm a petrified monsssster."


"Don't worry," the monster said. "I'm not going to hurt youssssssss... All I asssk is for you to free me from thisssss prisssssson."

"How are we gonna do that?" Waluigi said.

"Why, it'ssssssssss eassssy..." the Smorg said. "You jusssst have to find a Sssssacred Whacka Bump."

"What?!" Luigi said. "Whacka Bumps are hard enough to find on their own! But a Sacred Whacka Bump? We don't even know what a Sacred Whacka looks like or where it is!"

"Well, actually..." Mallow started, "a Sacred Whacka lives near Fahr Outpost, but I don't know how we're
gonna get there!"

"Well," the Smorg said, "you look like you're on a journey. Why don't you get it on your way to wherever you're going andssss then bring it back heressssssss?"

"Um... Okay..." Luigi stuttered.

So the three heroes exited the door and returned to the central chamber.

Door 3: The Two Chests of Treasure

The four immediately found themselves on a balcony connected to another one with only a single block of
wood connecting the two. On the second balcony, there were two boxes. One was black while the other
looked plain.

"Let's open the plain one first," Luigi said. "It said that one isn't evil so I'm going with this one!"

After crossing the block and nearly losing a life, they opened the chest. As soon as they did, two eyes
appeared inside the box! Then they turned purple and attacked them!

Luigi: 20 HP
Waluigi: 10 HP
Mallow: 10 HP
Chester:20 HP

Waluigi: Holy crud! Next time there are two boxes, I'm picking!

Luigi uses Jump.
Chester: 19 HP

Mallow uses Scan.
HP: 20, Defense: 1, Attack: 3
That's a Chester. It's a living, purple Treasure Chest. Its main move is weird, because everything goes
black, and we're hurt. That's right, we're, as in everybody. Its most annoying move, though, is when it
summons a Bahamut. They're not too good at fighting, but we have to beat them first if there's three, and it
can still attack us.

Waluigi uses Charge Punch.
You should know what happens to his hand by now.

Chester uses Bahamut Summon.
It closes its lid and then opens it to reveal a Bahamut. It jumps out of the box and uses Aero on itself. It flaps its wings super-fast and hovers in the air.

Luigi uses Hammer on Chester.
Timed hit! 2x2=4-1= 3
Chester: 16 HP

Mallow uses Scan on Bahamut.
HP: 3, Defense: 0, Attack: 7
That's a Bahamut. A red dragon thing summoned by Chesters and Magikoopas. They have low P but insanely high attack. Not to mention every time you beat one another monster will just be summoned. It's a good thing it takes two turns for its regular attack. It can also burn us with its fire breath plus do 3 damage.

Waluigi uses his Charge Punch.
This time, it doesn't go black but the Bahamut is sucked into the Chester and it falls off of the edge of the building, but the Bahamut, still in the box, is using Aero on itself so it flies in the air, although it only has an HP of 2.

Chester uses Black-Out. Everything goes black and the three are hurt.
Luigi: 17 HP
Mallow: 7 HP
Waluigi: 7 HP

Luigi uses Jump.
Chester: 1 HP - Peril!

Mallow uses Thunderbolt.
Chester: 0 HP
Chester is out!


"Well, that was weird," Mallow said as the box fell off the edge. "Well, let's hope the other box doesn't attack us!"

As they walked over to the other box, it greeted them. "Hello?" it said.

"Wagh!" Waluigi screamed. "You can talk?!"

"Oh, that's absurd. Boxes can't talk!" it said. "Only the people inside of them. Duh!"

"So, you're saying that you're stuck... in a box?" Mallow asked.

"No, I'm a giant yellow Goomba with rainbow-colored wings in Lollipop Land north of Edward Lane. Duh I'm stuck in a box! So, um, yeah. Well, I need a key to open this box, um, it's black and, well, could you find it? I promise I'll give you something good... maybe."

"What was that?" Mallow asked.

"Umm, nothing. Just go get the key. Like, now. No, really. I'm not kidding. GO!

Meanwhile, while the box was telling them to get it, the key had fallen out if the sky and hit Waluigi on the head.

"Um, here you go..." Luigi said, placing the key into the hole and turning it.

"MWAHAHAHAHAH! FOOLS!" the box screamed as Luigi turned the key.

Immediately, everything turned dark and all that could be seen was a white  Jack-O-Lantern face floating in
the air.

"Did you seriously believe that I would help you on your journey?" the face said. "Yeah right! Man, you
should have SEEN the looks on your faces! That was soooo sweet! Man, I'm good! Anyway, on to the curse."

"C-Curse?!" Luigi stuttered.

"Yeah! Sheesh. It's no big deal unless you don't really want to be SUPER-SKINNY AND GET LAUGHED AT BY MILLIONS! Mwahahaha!" Then several flashes occurred. "I guess I should explain my awesome curse to you, or else you Chicken-Sandwich-For-Brains will NEVER be able to figure it out. All you have to do is focus, and you'll turn super skinny! Try it. Like, now. I'm not kidding. I- Oh.. never mind. I see you've got it already. Well, um. Oh, yeah. Eat a sandwich, skinny! Mwahahahaha! Um, yeah. Bye."

And then the face disappeared out of thin air and left the treasure box laying there.

"So, um..." Waluigi said. "Where's the treasure?" Then he dove into the open box and left his feet hanging out, until the box tipped over and he nearly met the same doom as the Chester. But, along with Waluigi, a switch came out. Luigi hit it with his hammer, and a big piece of the wall next to them blew up to reveal a door.

"Umm..." Mallow started. "Wow." As they walked over to the door, a giant wall came up, and all that they could see was the door through metal bars. This gave Luigi an idea. He closed his eyes and focused, and then he was made of paper. Somehow, this made the other two paper also. They walked through the bars, and as they got to the other side, they turned back to normal.

"Well THAT was weird!" Luigi said.

"Really," Mallow said as they walked through the door.

Read on!

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