Mario Super Bowl I

By ghettobananachris

Pre Game

Tumble: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen and the genderless! Welcome to the first of an annual event, the Mario Super Bowl! I am the announcer, Tumble.

Eldstar: And I’m the other announcer, Eldstar! Today, we will see two dedicated teams play against each other in hopes that they can win the first Super Bowl Cup!

Tumble: It’s a rainy Saturday in February, and this may alter the outcome of this game.

Eldstar: Today, two of the Mushroom Kingdom’s most vicious rivals will play each other for the title of Super Bowl Champion!

Tumble: The first team is the Mario Super Stars, from the MKFC (Mushroom Kingdom Football Conference). They started off the season terribly with two losses, one to Yoshi and the other to DK. But when they played Peach, they seemed to turn completely around!

Eldstar: It was probably because they swapped E. Gadd, their kicker, with Wiggler. Wiggler has a very impressive field goal record of seven field goals and three 1 point conversions, a total of 24 points. They had a record of 7-2-1.

Tumble: Sadly, they had to put Baby Mario and Baby Luigi in this game, for lack of better players.

Eldstar: They are going to get massacred by the other team!

Tumble: Which brings us to the other team. The Bowser Blazes!

Eldstar: The team from the DFC (Dark Land Football Conference) has had it easy. They only lost once, and were practically a shoe-in for the Super Bowl.

Tumble: They barely lost the game against Wart, where Fly Guy made probably one of the best plays in Football history. Wart’s pass was thrown to Shy Guy, he relayed it back to Wart, and then a throw of 62 yards to Fly Guy got them the point.

Eldstar: Who knew he was that strong! Anyway, this game is not about Wart. It's about Bowser’s team! His team mainly consists of his children, along with three of his minions.

Tumble: They also could not play one of their team members, so they had to switch in Lakitu.

Eldstar: Looks like this is going to be a hard game, both teams handicapped by rookies and on a wet field. Not only that, but these two are bitter rivals. They might make some mistakes in an attempt to show up the other team!

Tumble: To make the pre-game predictions, we brought in our panel from MKSPN (Mushroom Kingdom Sports Network). Hello, Star Spirits and Twink!

(The Star Spirits fall in, and then Twink comes crashing in.)

Twink: I haven’t gotten used to being a star… I feel so heavy now!

Skolar: You’ll get used to it.

Eldstar: It’s time for your predictions. We will start off with Mamar.

Mamar: I think Mario’s gonna win.

Tumble: Any reason why?

Mamar: Uh… Because he has a good defensive line?

Tumble: His offense and defense are the same! Do you know anything about football?

Mamar: Um… You use a football to play it!

Tumble: Never mind. Skolar, what do you think?

Skolar: I would have to agree with Mamar on Mario. Although his team is way better on offense, I believe they will be able to take down Bowser. Plus, Wiggler most likely will make a few field goals this game.

Eldstar: Now that’s a prediction! The next member of the panel, Muskular, who do you think will win?

Muskular: A team cannot win a game without a solid defense, and Mario’s team is full of lightweights and kids! Bowser’s going to win, because how’s anyone going to take him or anyone else on his team down?!

Tumble: You may have a point. The MKFL (take a wild guess at what it stands for) were wondering about the incredible size and weight of Bowser’s team compared to Mario’s.

Eldstar: But when they reviewed the tapes, they figured that their speed, kicking, and passing were good enough to redeem that size difference. Misstar, what are your feelings on the outcome of this match?

Misstar: I think Bowser is going to win. His front line could tear through Mario’s, and that will allow Bowser’s team to get easy touchdowns.

Tumble: Three more panelists left to predict! Klevar, who do you think is going to win?

Klevar: As far as weight ratio goes, I’m wagering that Bowser’s team will emerge victorious. But Mario’s team has great stats for passing, speed, and kicking, which Bowser could not even compare to. Bowser and Mario are on an even par as far as kicking, but Wiggler has been played more than Super-bot so I cannot give you an accurate prediction on that. Bowser’s passes may be more powerful than Mario’s, but they are often overthrown or intercepted. Mario’s passing has less range then Bowser’s but his accuracy is more dead-on and he has only one interception to his name. Mario’s team is pretty quick compared to  Bowser’s, with Lemmy and Lakitu the only fast ones. Mario’s front line is pretty weak, with Harry and Pianta the only real hard hitters. But Mario will most likely match them with the two most powerful members of Bowser’s front line, Roy and Chargin’ Chuck. Bowser Jr, though, may lead Bowser’s team to victory, for he has the largest accuracy to range ratio in the whole DFC. But, I’d have to say that the field will work in Mario’s favor, since most members of Bowser’s team aren’t wearing shoes!

Everyone: ZZZ… ZZZ…

Klevar: WAKE UP! I’m not that boring!

Everyone wakes up.

Tumble: Huh? Oh, yeah. Um… Klevar, what is your prediction?

Klevar: Mario! I think that Mario will win!

Tumble: See, that’s all you had to say! Kalmar, what’s your prediction?

Kalmar: I’m thinking Bowser’s team. They just look like the obvious winner! It would take some kind of miracle for Mario to win.

Eldstar: Okay, for the last prediction, who do you think will be the champion, Twink?

Twink (still lodged into floor): I don’t know, it’s kind of hard to think when your head’s stuck in the floor.

Tumble: Twink, stop being stupid and predict.

Twink: Not until I’m dislodged from the floor!

(Tumble grabs Twink’s head and pulls him out, but Tumble accidentally lets go and he gets lodged in the ceiling.)

Twink: Oh well. At least I can see now. I guess Bowser will win. He’s been using Bowser Jr. to relay the ball lately, and I bet it will pay off.

Eldstar: I guess that’s all for the predictions. It looks like the players are coming onto the field! Lets take a look at the lineup.


Mario Bros.
Team Captain

Mario Bros.

Baby Mario
Yoshi’s Island: Super Mario World 2

Baby Luigi
Yoshi’s Island: Super Mario World 2

Super Mario World

Super Mario Sunshine

Mario Tennis

Mario Tennis

Mario Tennis

Mario Tennis

Mario Golf

Super Mario Sunshine


O Baby Mario                                           O Baby Luigi

                                O Mario
                                O Luigi
      O     O       O      O        O      O     O
  Pianta Alex Nina Harry Kate Plum Noki

Kicker Wiggler


Super Mario Bros.

Bowser Jr.
Super Mario Sunshine

Super Mario Bros.

Chargin’ Chuck
Super Mario World

Super Mario Strikers

Super Mario Bros. 3

Super Mario Bros. 3

Super Mario Bros. 3

Super Mario Bros. 3

Super Mario Bros. 3

Super Mario Bros. 3

Super Mario Bros. 3


    X        X        X           X         X         X          X
Roy Wendy Larry Morton Ludwig Iggy  Chargin’ Chuck
                                      X Bowser Jr.
                                      X Bowser

X  Lemmy                                                                X Lakitu

Kicker Super-bot

Eldstar: Now that we have taken a look at the teams, lets all rise for the National Anthem.

Tumble: The National Anthem will be sung by Chanterelle!

Oh Plit, Oh Plit, I love thee
You’re such a wonderful place
Full of warp pipes and Mushrooms
Where people play tennis and race

(Soul music starts playing and a choir joins in going AHHHH!, going up a note each of the four times.)

Oh Plit! (Audience: Oh Plit!)
Oh Plit! (Audience: Oh Plit!)
You are oh so grand! (Yes indeed!)
From Ghost Valley to Donut Plains
And even that nasty Dark Land! (Bowser: Hey!)

(quiet music)
I know of a place
With equality for every race (Audience Member: Tell  it, sista!)
Whether you’re a Koopa, Human, Toad or Yoshi (music starts speeding up)
We all live here happily! (Bowser: That’s not true!)

(Back to loud soul music)

Thank you!

Tumble: That was beautiful! Thank you, Chanterelle!

Eldstar: For those of you who do not recognize her, she is the Toad who sings normally at the 64 Club in Paper Mario.

Tumble: Before we move on to the coin toss, I would like to take a look at the odds in Las Vegas.

Eldstar: Looks like it's 5-1 Mario, 3-1 Bowser.

Tumble: Those are close odds!  Whoever you bet on, it would be a pretty smart choice.

Eldstar: Of course, we are not encouraging gambling, that’s what Game Guy’s for!

Tumble: By the way, if you didn’t know, Game Guy will be one of the entertainers during halftime. Looks like it's time for the coin toss.

Eldstar: I see the refs are Monty Moles.

Tumble: Usually we would use Toads or Koopas, but Monty isn’t inclined towards either team.

Monty: Today, to flip the coin, we have the lovely Vanna T, who we all remember from the Chuck Quizmo Show!

(Vanna T. walks up and flips the coin.)

Monty: Bowser! Call it in the air!

Bowser: Side!

Monty: What?

Bowser: Okay, heads!

(The coin lands.)

Monty: It's tails! Mario, kick or receive?

Mario: Kick!

Monty: Um… okay.

Eldstar: Wow. Could he be any stupider? He chose to kick the ball to Bowser!

Tumble: Maybe not. Mario has kicked in the beginning before and used it as a tactic to get them close to the goal.

Eldstar: Hmm… Maybe he is being smart.

Tumble: And Wiggler's up at the ball. AND THERE'S THE SNAP!

End Chapter

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